Chapter Text
"My best friend is a semi-suicidal imbecile."
― Inuzuka Hana, repeatedly
Chakra exhaustion sucks. A lot. Ren has been bedridden for three days already, and she is bored out of her mind – well, she isn't exactly bedridden, but the second she brought up the idea of 'walking it off', Hana promptly smacked her head, and Ren is one of those people who can understand a definitive no, underlined with the threat of pain and suffering. So, she endures, even if she can wobble her way around, and, instead of preparing for the finals (woo, she advanced, yay!) she just does nothing. It kind of does set her off.
More than just a little.
In all honesty, if the process of regenerating chakra hadn't been taking most of her energy, she probably wouldn't listen to Hana and just walk it off anyway. And submit herself to some major pain and suffering due to her best friend losing her temper over Ren's idiocy. Yeah, no, her lack of energy is a good thing right now. She isn't, however, surrender to it completely. Even if it is exhausting, she can still walk around.
Hana was initially absolutely livid, to the point she actually almost bit Ren. Like, really bit, like a dog. It was honestly quite frightening? And then, having regained consciousness for good and having just enough strength to sit upright, Ren was subjected to a two-hour-long tirade (just. How?) that she promptly named 'My best friend is an absolute, semi-suicidal imbecile of an Uchiha, and I don't like it so I will be mad for hours on end at her'. Ren was amused, too, but more scared, actually, because Hana had a lot of Inuzuka in her. What a surprise, wow.
So it's a lose-lose situation. Is that even a thing? Nevertheless, Ren is now bored out of her mind, and confined to her bed for the next few days under pain of death. Ah, Inuzuka best friends, aren't they amazing? Also, there is the matter of her leg, which… isn't so bad, honestly? They wrapped it in something that speeds up forming new tissue and numbs it – the sensation is quite annoying. She can't feel her leg from the knee up, if that even makes sense. Nevertheless, the scar tissue would actually be present on the edges of the wound, as far as Ren can understand, and from what she pictured, would perhaps be even uglier than just one big scar. Oh well, not that she cares, as long as she is up and running.
As for Hibiki, he is still deep in denial. It doesn't appear that he believes that he actually advanced, upon Jūken-ing his way through a very persistent Kumo-nin who could literally cover his arms with lightning. That is also how Hibiki got electrocuted, too. And it is quite amusing to watch him be literally flocked by every other Hyūga currently in Iwa – all older than him – who seem to want nothing more than to give him pointers and train with him to make sure he doesn't screw up. If he actually listens to them, instead of pretending nothing happened, he would definitely have a chance in the finals.
(Ren is still bored. Out. Of. Her. Mind.)
But they don't say that fate favors the foolish for no reason, do they now? Because her salvation comes in the evening. It's blue, almost two meters tall, and offering a smile that still manages to slip some of the shark teeth in. And honestly, Ren wants to pray to the heavens when he pulls up a chair and sits next to her.
"Hi, Blue," she chirps instead, sitting up slowly (because otherwise Hana would learn and magically teleport right there and just bite her head off, Ren is sure), and smiles right back at one of the most dangerous ninja Kiri will ever produce. "What's up?"
"That stunt you pulled in the preliminaries was pretty impressive," he says with a nod, still smiling, but Ren knows that's not all there's to it, "if absolutely dumb," he finishes.
"I know, my friend kinda presented an entire speech on my idiocy to me already," she chuckles, scratching back of her head sheepishly. "But seriously, I do. I rely on taijutsu quite a bit, too, but the leg-"
"And that's why I decided you need a blade," Kisame cuts in, and his smile goes a tiny bit wicked, as Ren's brain just stops for a while. Is he really, truly saying what she thinks he's saying? Because if he is, she's going to just fly, perhaps. So, she looks at him, eyes wide as saucers and blacker than night, and just gapes.
Kisame actually laughs at her, the blue bastard.
"Did you just say you're going to train me?" she chokes, because yes, she does recall actually asking him for it, but she never, ever really thought he would take her seriously – she was half-joking herself! And here they are, an idiot pyromaniac Uchiha and a shark that's too good with blades to be good for anyone, and, just-
"Not train per say, we don't have nearly enough time for that," he says, mirth still lining his voice heavily, "but I can give you pointers, can't I?"
Ren hums, taps her chin, and then snaps her fingers, as her dark eyes suddenly blend into crimson. It's enough for Kisame to send her a weird, confused look.
"This thing," she says, unfazed, pointing at her eyes, "is the Sharingan. It allows my clan – all dead, for the most part – to copy stuff, like taijutsu, kenjutsu or ninjutsu. Basically everything that's not other bloodline limit, or some other specific power, like the jinchūriki and their abilities. And it's also why I'm here instead of Kiri in half a year. But! The point is, you can show me moves once or twice, and I will just remember them. I dunno if I will be able to just do them on the spot, or if I'll have to practice, but I will know them, so even if I need to train, I won't need anyone, because I will know if I screw up," she shrugs, and Kisame grins again.
And yes, even using it for all of about ten seconds makes a difference. It's not much, really, but it's equivalent to Ren spitting three huge fireballs at once. Has she mentioned that chakra exhaustion sucks? Perhaps, but once again - chakra exhaustion is absolutely terrible.
"Well, that solves a lot of problems, those eyes," he says. "Well, first things first, we need to get you a blade," he starts, leaning on his chair, and Ren nods. Her mind flashes her an image of a pale blade in a cherry-colored sheath, with a dragon embroidered on it in golden thread.
"I have a katana that's an Uchiha heirloom, Sasuke got it for me on my birthday," she says, and then looks at the shark-nin again, "but I was thinking about a tantō, because a katana is still a bit too big for me. I'm twelve, for crying out loud, and if I survive, my reach and balance points will change drastically over the next few years," she mutters, and Kisame laughs.
"I like your thinking," he says. "It's surprisingly logical for a ninja. Are you sure you're not a prodigy? At least with the way you think. Hell, I can name elders who don't take such things into account," he chuckles, and Ren smiles.
If being actually thirty-two in spirit and from a completely different world is what you call a prodigy, then sure, she thinks, but doesn't even attempt to say.
"What can I do," she says instead, spreading her arms in the universal 'I don't know' motion, "But, sweet Jashin, somebody get me out of here. I'm going to actually go insane if this keeps up, and I'm totally fine now!" she whines, and Kisame gives her The Look. "Aw come on, I'm a bit wobbly still, but I can stand!"
"You can stand, but can you walk?" Kisame asks, and Ren just shrieks and throws a pillow at his face. It doesn't do anything, of course. Even in her current top form she could manage to swat him at best. And so, the shark-nin just booms with laughter.
"But seriously, if I just sit here the whole time I will have no chance in the finals!" she whines again. "Let's at least go to the weapon store to see if they have anything good. Please? I'll try not to adopt every stray that comes our way, and we'll walk slow, so there's a tiny, little chance that Hana maybe won't kill me on the spot- Please? I wanna go see shiny pointy stuff."
"Are you twelve or two?" Kisame asks, bemused, and Ren shrugs.
"Somewhere in between, I'm guessing. Growing up is a pain, you know," she sighs. "Especially if you're like, one of only two living family members and the other one is, like, half your age and you have to take care of them- You know what, Blue, let's just go, or I'll start rambling for good."
Kisame only shakes his head and leaves the room with an 'I'm waiting outside.' And, since escaping from hospitals is one of the major traits of the coolest people (that's what Kakashi and Genma do all the time), Ren decides it's as good a time as any to train in this art. As for Hana, well. Ren is being accompanied by a responsible adult, is doing no sudden movements, and it's not like she's going to train or use chakra, yet. So maybe, just maybe, she won't die today because of her overly protective, raging friend.
(But honestly, she's preparing herself for it nevertheless. Hana is going to murder her, no matter what Ren tells herself, period.)
They go to the weapon store. The very same one where he and Zabuza met Deidara for the first time, but Ren thinks it might be because he just doesn't know Iwa very well. Neither does she, and it's not like the people here are very helpful. Especially to a bad-mouthed Konoha brat and a man who literally looks like a shark given human form. Except more blue than gray.
They walk slowly, of course, and stop more than Ren would have liked. Kisame is patient and allows her to catch her breath, but honestly, chakra exhaustion sucks so much it's not even funny, and Ren hates it, but they make it there, eventually. (She feels like that might become a common occurrence, though, with how she just has no limits to spewing ninjutsu around. She really should start minding her chakra levels, or she might end up dead.)
"I hate chakra exhaustion," she promptly announces, much to Kisame's amusement.
"Taijutsu and kenjutsu reduce the possibility of getting it," is Ren hallucinating, or does he actually chirp that? Nevertheless, he's smug. Bloody chakra tank who just slashes through everything anyway. "With killing enemies off like that. Less people to burn, less chakra to waste."
"But I like burning stuff," Ren whines, puffing her cheeks.
"Do you like chakra exhaustion?" Kisame asks, quirking an eyebrow, and she shakes her head vigorously. Enough to make her world swim for a bit, and if Kisame hadn't grabbed her head to hold her upright, she would've fallen down. He laughs at her. "Thought so. Come on, let's see what they have. You said you wanted a tantō, yeah? Good choice for a beginner, actually."
So in they go. The store is actually bigger than Ren had thought, because from the outside only a small room with the shopkeeper can be seen. The true wonders start in the backroom, and Ren bashfully admits that she actually giggles upon seeing the stash. She completely, absolutely understands Tenten's love for the stuff, it's amazing. But Kisame is the one who knows what to look for so, instead of running off on her own, Ren follows him, occasionally asking him about what she sees; she honestly had no idea that tantō could come in so many various shapes and sizes. From fifteen to thirty centimeters, and the amount of blade types makes her head spin, actually. Shinogi, Hira, Shobu, Unokubi and, like, ten more, and she feels really stupid right now because she feels like she is supposed to know this kind of stuff already. Lesson learned, but definitely not in the Academy.
(Thank you, teachers, for indoctrinating tiny little genin instead of teaching them useful things like, I dunno, maybe identifying and choosing a proper weapon?! So the death rate might be a little lower?! Seriously, ninja schooling needs so many reforms it is starting to be scary. And here Ren thought that the education system in her original world was bad – here you could literally get killed. Because of the sheer incompetence.)
In the end, after testing and weighing a few tantō of various proportions, a twenty-three centimeter long (the blade, of course, not the whole thing) kissaki-moroha is thrust into her hands. The handle is wrapped with violet cloth and the black, shiny sheath is tied with the same color thread about three-fourths of the way up. The tip of the handle also has a hooked 'tooth' that allows her to attach things to it. Like, for example, bells.
"That'll do," Kisame says approvingly. "Although it's not the cheapest thing here."
Ren snorts, "Come on, Blue, I don't waste money on stupid things like clothes or make-up, so I can waste it on pretty ninja stuff. The deadlier the better," she grins at him. "Also, you were muttering about quality, weren't you?"
"For a blade not from Kiri, it's surprisingly good quality, actually," he nods, and Ren snorts again. But, hey, it's advice from a pro, so she just buys the blade (she likes it a lot, anyway, it just fits in her hand) and happily follows Kisame outside, almost skipping, filled with a new sort of energy.
She feels perfectly fine, so maybe they can start training-
"UCHIHA REN!"
Ren's head snaps to the side, only to see very livid eyes, almost as black as hers, and-
"Oh fuck," she whines, and looks at Kisame like he's the only salvation in the world. Actually, in her case he might just be. "Blue, have a heart, help me, she's going to murder me!" Ren whines. Kisame chuckles, but moves to the front, between her and Hana, who stares at him dangerously.
"Was it your idea to go for a walk, or did that imbecile here," Inuzuka looks pointedly at Ren, who winces, "convince you to go?"
"A bit of both," Kisame admits, and if anything, Hana bristles even more.
"Hana, come on!" Ren whines. "I've been bedridden for days! And besides, it's not like anything bad happened! We were walking slowly, and I was with a responsible adult!"
Said responsible adult only snorts at that. Hana sends them both glares.
"Hana, please, I can't stand the hospital. I don't have time for this shit!" the Uchiha whines pathetically, half-begging. Hana clenches her fists and takes deep breaths through her nose.
"Bloody knucklehead," she growls, and she seems halfway to punching her best friend, only stopped by her state. "You can't be left alone! Oh my god, you're growing up to be just like Genma! Soon you'll stop going to the hospital at all!"
Hana perhaps just now remembers the moment when they found Genma after some D-Ranks around the Academy, bleeding out in Iruka's classroom. Hana was livid, Iruka was even more livid, Hibiki was perplexed and Ren maybe would be amused if not for the amount of blood Genma was losing, so she was perplexed, too. All because he refused to go to the hospital.
Okay, so maybe her idea of avoiding them completely isn't so good. But she sure as hell isn't going to stay bedridden for days!
"I love you, too," Ren chirps, and this time she does get punched. Square in the face. Hard enough to only bruise, but still-
"That's it, I'm shadowing you," Hana huffs. "At least until we're out of Iwa. And don't even think about pulling a stunt like that one during preliminaries! Ever again!"
"But I'm a ninja," Ren pouts. "We live fast and die young."
"Do I look like I care?! You bloody idiot!"
"Can I at least train tomorrow, mom?"
"We'll see about that tomorrow, and don't call me mom!"
"Sure thing, mom."
"Ren!"