Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“When I began writing this memoir, it was not for the purpose of publication. I began with the simple intent of uncovering the truth— about the justice system, about the so-called “Phantom Thieves of Hearts,” and about myself.“

- “The Crow Falls at Midnight,” Introduction

“My celebrity crush?” Ren paused to think. He didn’t talk about his personal life much on stream, but he didn’t mind throwing his chatters a bone once in a while.

“Akechi Goro,” he said. Chat had a lot to say about that.

m0thm4n: wait is this a joke

tiredtrumpeter: lmao

inugamer: lol really? the detective guy??

apsarass: isn’t he a cop?? :/

lamiaxe: wait is joker coming out rn

reply to @lamiaxe 

THOTh: where have you been? he’s been out lmao

jackfrostiie: lololol

succcccubussy: REAL tbh akechi is so hot

belfegore: you’re gay? for real??

reply to @belfegore

lililim: he’s bi lol

sarasvatea: did you read his book? it was pretty good actually 

"What happened to ACAB? ” Ren read out loud. He looked directly into the camera, smirking just slightly. “I could fix him.”

The consensus from chat was “lololol. ” Then his game finished updating and Ren got to work.

He honestly forgot about it after that. 

It had been about six hours since Ren had last seen Akechi Goro— and five years since they’d last spoken.

Ren’s feelings for Akechi weren’t the all-consuming fire they had been when they were teenagers and constantly sneaking off to make out, high on the adrenaline of near-death experiences and not fully knowing what the other person wanted from you. 

These days, it was more of an itchy mosquito bite— always there, but easier to ignore the more you left it alone. Ren tried not to scratch at it too much these days. Which was kind of hard when your ex-situationship’s face was plastered everywhere trying to sell you various limited-edition snacks. 

A year after his disappearance, Futaba informed the (former) Phantom Thieves that Akechi had quietly enrolled in a small university under a new name. He’d been in a coma, then a rehab center, then prison, and then in witness protection while Sae continued to clean up Shido’s mess. He never reached out. Ren tried not to take it personally. 

Then a few months ago, Akechi suddenly decided to stop hiding. He put out a book. The (heavily edited) memoir was a mostly-true account of Akechi’s childhood, his time as the Detective Prince, and the years he spent in hiding. Minus all the Metaverse and assassination stuff. It was a final revenge against Shido, a tell-all tale of a desperate teen being taken advantage of by rotten adults.

Ren didn’t get a mention. Which was fine. 

But then the modeling contracts started pouring in. At first Akechi had just been on a few talk shows, promoting his book, which quickly became a bestseller. But nowadays, Akechi was everywhere. He was a bit of a polarizing figure, but a lot of people liked the new snarky and jaded Akechi Goro. Ren saw him on variety shows, posters in the windows of bookstores, and just today– an electronic billboard in Shibuya, advertising a new flavor of sparkling water. 

It was heaven and agony, all at once. Ren had wondered for years what Akechi was up to, what it might be like to see him again, what he looked like now. And now Ren never had to wonder if Akechi had cut his hair or kept growing it out— he could look up on any train platform and see the answer staring him in the face, immortalized in the form of a brightly colored advertisement for limited-edition lychee ice cream. 

(He’d cut it shorter. It looked good. Obviously. Whatever.)

And Ren was fine, really. He came back to Tokyo for university. Graduated. Saw his friends at any chance he could on a rotating, biweekly basis. He hadn’t found a full-time job ( yet , as Makoto kept reminding him) but he liked being a barista/bartender/florist. And when he didn’t have a shift at one of his many part-time jobs, he’d turned out to be moderately successful at something else. 

Ren started streaming during his third year of high school because Futaba had asked him to. It was really just so she could make fun of him while he played video games, but for whatever reason, he’d started gaining viewers. Then he let Mishima start editing some of the VODs and putting them on MeTube. And his viewership just kept growing. Now he had a small but respectable following supplementing his income. 

Things were good. Really. And if he sometimes had to look at ads on the subway and remember that the boy he’d stolen kisses from in the dark corners of Mementos didn’t want Ren in his life anymore, well— Ren could deal with it. He was happy knowing Akechi was doing alright now. 

He didn’t need more than that.

The next morning (alright, it was noon, whatever), he woke up to his phone vibrating with dozens of messages. Ren tried to blink the sleep out of his eyes while he checked his notifications. 

Ryuji: LMAO DUDE CHECK YOUR SOCIALS

Futaba: bruh the gorls are destroying you on flitter

Ann: LOL why did I just get asked on flitter why I’m friends with a fake akechi fan

Ren left all of them on read. Whatever was happening, it was clearly a problem for after coffee. There were also some messages from Mishima that he didn’t bother checking (Ren had a strict “no work before breakfast” rule).

When Ren finally sat down with his coffee and breakfast, feeling slightly more human, he opened Flitter. 

💗 fuji-ko-koro 💗 @goro_love

@jokeren2 How DARE you treat Akechi-san like a joke. You literally know NOTHING about all the things he’s been through. 

AKECHI GORO #1 BESTSELLER @mimisakura

@jokeren2 maybe you should read his book before making such comments :)

~ y u n o ~ @xx_THRONE_xx

@jokeren2 there’s nothing to fix he already opposes the police dumbass

#1 morgana fan @naganaturals

[Video of Ren calling Akechi Goro his celebrity crush and saying “I could fix him.”]

this bit from @jokeren2’s stream had me dying

Ah. Someone clipped him saying Akechi was his celebrity crush. Okay. Slightly mortifying to have it out there forever, but whatever. Ren clicked the quote fleets. 

Akechi Goro @AkechiGoro

I actually go into great detail about the corruption of Japanese law enforcement in my book, which this person would know if they’d read it.

Huh. So that’s why there was an army of angry Gorls in his mentions.

Ren really was not awake enough to process Akechi acknowledging his existence for the first time in five years with a passive aggressive social media post. Instead of dealing with whatever swarm of emotions was building up in his stomach, he hit quote fleet. 

im da joker baby @jokeren2

we did it chat

Then he put his phone down and finished his breakfast. 

“What was with all the messages? Your phone wouldn’t stop pinging this morning,” Morgana asked, finally wandering in. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Ren said. 

Yuuki @PhanMod

New @jokeren2 video will be out on MeTube tomorrow!

Akechi Goro HQ @GORLHQ

Pics from Akechi’s book signing in Kichijoji yesterday! 🧵🔽

SHUKO @POWER69

Who on God’s green earth doesn’t already know Akechi hates cops. HE WROTE A WHOLE BOOK ABOUT IT

⭐ hoshiko ⭐ @akechica

no name streamers I guess….

akechi goro’s bitch era @lowkeyloki

the claws are OUT today and i’m 100% here for it

THOTh @monkeybusiness

pov ur fav streamer makes a silly joke that accidentally incurs the wrath of god (akechi goro fans)

kaya kaya! @detectiveprincess 

it actually pisses me off so much that people who know nothing about what akechi has gone through think they can talk shit about him

~ y u n o ~ @xx_THRONE_xx

LITERALLY this guy just thinks akechi is some hot idol. like it’s not hard to google a summary of his book before you start making assumptions 🙄

#1 morgana fan @naganaturals

joker remains the world’s most iconic streamer lmfao

joker’s (ex)wife @pixiiie

I’m prepared to go to war against the gorls 🫡

michi 🇯🇵🇧🇷 @matadork

I’M NOT

STREAM HEARTFINDER OUT NOW!!! @lililim

bestie i don’t think this is a fight you can win….

mayumi 🫶🏳️‍🌈 @gorldick

I think @/jokeren2 was just joking yall calm down 💀

tsubaki @angeluriel

right?? i thought it was funny 😭😭

≽^•⩊•^≼ @dominyan

does this streamer guy look familiar to anyone else?? it’s driving me crazy……

☽ nastuki ☾ @archangellll

I’ve actually been following him for a while!! this was NOT a crossover I was ready for lol

a. @feather_karasu 🔒

what the actual fuck

Ren had an afternoon shift at Rafflesia that day. 

If he was being honest, he didn’t really need to work part-time. Streaming was bringing in enough money to support his humble lifestyle and his cat’s admittedly less-humble lifestyle. But Ren was used to staying busy and he was pretty sure he’d go insane if he just stayed cooped up in his apartment only talking to people virtually (with the exception of Morgana, obviously.) And it felt good to help out Sojiro and Lala and Hanasaki, who had been kind to him when he had nothing. 

So yeah, he was mostly working customer service for fun. One of many reasons his friends thought he was crazy. 

Distantly, Ren was relieved that he was working at Rafflesia and not Leblanc that day. Leblanc would have given him too much downtime to think. Rafflesia was always a madhouse (at least on days that Ren got called in). Ren could just put his phone on silent and focus on flower arrangements for six hours. 

He checked his phone on the train home. He ignored all the LMAOOOO’ s from his followers, because Akechi had responded again. 

Akechi Goro @AkechiGoro

@jokeren2 I fail to see what it is that you did. If you’re referring to my anti-law-enforcement stance, I’m sorry to inform you that I’ve always resented the police to some degree. (1/2)

Akechi Goro @AkechiGoro

If you’d read my book, you would know that I was forced into a career in detective work by unfortunate circumstances. I have always believed the police to be a corrupt institution. (2/2)

It was passive-aggressive. It was petty. It was the first thing Akechi had said to him directly in half a decade, and he was pretending not to know who Ren was. 

Ren felt the corners of his mouth tug up, in spite of himself. He pressed reply.

im da joker baby @jokeren2

@AkechiGoro

Chapter Text

Shido Masayoshi was a deeply paranoid and distrustful man. He believed that everyone around him was only waiting to betray him and he systematically ensured that he would always betray them first. 

When the Phantom Thieves decided to steal his heart, I was the one who took the fall. 

I still don’t know how the Phantom Thieves discovered my connection to Shido, but I have no doubt that it was my involvement that was traced back to him. I suppose I should be grateful that in some indirect way, my actions still led to his downfall. But I’ve never had much of a talent for gratitude.

- “The Crow Falls at Midnight”, Chapter 13

BE GAY DO CRIMES:

Futaba: lol check this out 

Futaba: https://flitter.com/archangellll/status/15785239471029

Futaba: why did no one tell me about this this is so funny 

Ryuji: LMAO I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

Haru: Wow! You were… not stealthy at all. 

Yusuke: The beginnings of a glorious rivalry! I had no idea such a moment was captured on camera.

Ann: lmao that was SO stressful i thought for sure we were gonna get caught

Makoto: I don’t even know why I bothered following you around. You were so obvious.

Ryuji: lol ur one to talk makoto

Ren clicked the link. Someone had dug up a video of the talk show the day he and Akechi first met (technically their second meeting if you counted the pancake incident, but whatever). On his tiny screen, a reporter asked what he thought of the Phantom Thieves. 

“They do more than the cops,” little Ren responded, like the brazen, reckless teenager he was. Right from the start, Ren’s instinct was to provoke Akechi beyond his calm, charming persona. 

Ren let out a small sigh. Now he couldn't even DM the guy.

As he watched their teenage banter play out on the screen— their first duel, really— Ren felt something in him stir. He pressed quote fleet.

im da joker baby @jokeren2

@AkechiGoro can't believe I didn't get a mention in your book. I thought we had something special ;-;

Ren scrolled to read some of the comments on the video. It was mostly people arguing about whether it was actually him in the video and asking the original poster how they even found this clip. Apparently they were an Akechi superfan before he disappeared and had all his interviews archived. Ren pressed follow. 

Ah. Akechi replied. 

Akechi Goro @AkechiGoro

How would you know? You clearly haven't read it. 

Oh, it was fucking on.

Ren abandoned his half-eaten dinner on the table, ignoring Morgana’s meows of protests about not finishing his food. He grabbed his copy of Akechi's book from where it sat on the shelf in his bedroom (not in the living room where his friends could see it and give him pitying looks over). His clearly well-loved and heavily annotated copy of the book. 

im da joker baby @jokeren2

[Video of Ren showing the obviously broken-in spine and flipping through pages just long enough to see he'd written notes in the margins. He zooms in on one that just said “wtf akechi” before ending the video.]

do you need me to write a book report or 

Ren thought about rewatching it to make sure that none of the notes shown in the video were too revealing, decided he didn’t give a fuck, and pressed post.

It was probably fine. Most of the notes were along the lines of “ok hegel stan” or “edgy.” He'd largely annotated the book thinking about how much Akechi hated it when people wrote in books, and most of the notes were things Ren thought would annoy Akechi.

Any more personal or vulnerable thoughts Ren had while reading the book, he certainly hadn’t written down. Ren knew better than to leave a paper trail.

Ah, a reply already. Ren clicked on it, his heart racing.

Akechi Goro @AkechiGoro

I see. I retract my previous statement. 

What was your favorite chapter, then?

im da joker baby @jokeren2

69

☽ nastuki ☾ @archangellll

[Video of teenage Akechi and Ren discussing the Phantom Thieves on a talk show.]

Am I hallucinating or is this Joker????

TATI @titania33

OH MY GOD IT DEFINITELY IS

Tsubaki @angeluriel

@dominyan is this what you were remembering LMAO

≽^•⩊•^≼ @dominyan 

maybe??

kaya kaya! @detectiveprincess

sometimes I forget how young Akechi was during the Detective Prince era 🥺 watching old videos of his makes me so emotional

~ y u n o ~ @xx_THRONE_xx

ikr?? especially after reading his book and knowing everything he was going through back then…

hiroko 🎡 @fortunasfavour  

joker getting into an argument with a microcelebrity on live tv and then calling him his celebrity crush on stream years later is sending me 😭NEVER CHANGE BBY

michael  @flamingsword

and the fact that they were asking about the phantom thieves makes it so much funnier. joker will truly take any opportunity to say acab

SHUKO @POWER69

So this random streamer has been harassing Akechi-san for YEARS? I’m more annoyed than before tbh

⭐ hoshiko ⭐ @akechica

ok I don’t like him either but I’m not sure this qualifies as harassment lol

michi 🇯🇵🇧🇷 @matadork

I’m just grateful this whole thing graced us with a video of baby joker <3

It had been a surprisingly busy day at Leblanc. Ren was getting ready to close up when he heard the bell of the door ring. He looked up from where he was wiping down the counter of Leblanc to see a woman in a large blue hat and puffy lime green coat walk in. 

“Sorry, we’re about to close,” Ren said, already moving to prepare her drink. She had texted him earlier making sure it was alright to come by. 

“Oh, couldn’t you make an exception for me?” Haru smiled behind her enormous rhinestone sunglasses. 

“I suppose I could stay open a little late… for a friend,” he winked, making Haru giggle. He made her drink quickly before stepping out to flip the sign to “Closed,” after which Haru finally removed her ridiculous “disguise.” She took a seat at the bar— not in the chair Ren still thought of as being Akechi’s, but next to it. 

“How’s Makoto doing?” he asked.

“She’s doing good. Law school is stressful, but she’s a lot happier than she was last year.”

Ren hummed in response. A year ago, Makoto had finally given up on her dream of becoming a police chief, which was a relief to both Ren and Haru.

“Has she picked a specialty yet?” he asked over his shoulder as he washed the last few dishes.

“She’s thinking about family law, actually. She wants to help people out of abusive situations.”

“That sounds like her,” Ren said.

“Doesn’t it?” Haru laughed.

Haru sipped her drink quietly, the silence settling down between them like a warm comforter as Ren finished his closing duties. She seemed to have something she wanted to say, so as always, Ren gave her room to say it. He was drying a glass when she spoke up. 

“I saw a photo of you and Akechi today,” Haru said, quietly. 

Ren nearly dropped the glass. 

“What,” he croaked. He’d had a couple of head injuries over the years, but he definitely would have remembered seeing Akechi today. In real life, not on a subway poster or a billboard in Shibuya.

“From back in high school,” she clarified. “On Flitter.” 

Oh. That made more sense. Haru took another sip of her coffee.

“I hadn’t realized you two were so close back then,” she said, peering up at him. 

Ren shrugged. He wasn’t sure if “close” was the right word to describe his relationship with the guy who suspected he was the leader of a criminal organization, who in turn Ren suspected to be a secret Metaverse assassin. 

Another silence fell. Ren didn’t know what to say to Haru— Sorry for being friends with your father’s killer. In my defense, I didn’t know he was a murderer for sure yet. My bad for not figuring it out before I got extremely emotionally attached to him.

Haru spoke up again first. 

“I read his book, you know. It was… enlightening, in some ways.” 

Ren stiffened. Akechi never directly apologized in his book, but he expressed some level of guilt or regret for most of the deaths he was involved with. Okumura Kunikazu was not one of them.

“I used to think a lot about how different things would have been if my father had survived. I think I was picturing something like Maruki’s world, where he didn’t just love me, he respected me. But even if he had lived, I don’t think he would've been like that. I don’t know that he ever could have been who I needed him to be.”

Haru paused, staring pensively into the dregs of coffee in her cup. Like Madarame, was the thought that went unsaid.

“Did you know my father ordered twenty-four psychotic breakdowns?” She said it with the coldness of someone who had spent years working to compensate the families of her father’s many, many crimes. But all the blood money in the world couldn’t bring back a loved one. Haru knew that better than anyone.

“When I think about the extent of his selfishness, I think I understand how someone could…” Haru stopped. Swallowed. She looked up at Ren and met his gaze. 

“I’m not saying I forgive Akechi, or that his actions were justified,” Haru said firmly, her eyes burning bright. Then, softer: 

“What I’m trying to say is that if you still wanted something with him… it wouldn’t be a betrayal to me.”

Ren didn’t know what to say. 

“Thank you,” he managed eventually, “but I don’t think Akechi and I will be hanging out anytime soon.” 

Haru smiled like she knew something he didn’t. 

“We’ll see,” she said. 

Ren opened his mouth to deny it, but— well, they were speaking again, kind of. At the very least, it seemed like he couldn’t resist replying to Ren’s taunts. Maybe it wasn’t such a stretch to imagine that Akechi did want Ren in his life, in some small way. 

“Yeah,” he agreed. “We’ll see.”

≽^•⩊•^≼ @dominyan

[Pictures of Ren and Akechi hanging out at a cafe, both in their high school uniforms.]

I KNEW I REMEMBERED HIM FROM SOMEWHERE I FUCKNG KNEW IT!!!!

TATI @titania33

oh my godddd were they DATING!!!!!!!

⭐ hoshiko ⭐ @akechica

um?? how did we not put the pieces together back then omg

kaya kaya! @detectiveprincess

We just thought he had a friend 😭😭

akechi goro’s bitch era @lowkeyloki

WAIT THEY ACTUALLY KNOW EACH OTHER?? LMFAO

hiroko 🎡@fortunasfavour

this is such a classic joker moment tbh

akechi goro’s bitch era @lowkeyloki

classic akechi moment too tbh. I can’t believe akechi called him “this person” AS IF THEY DIDN’T LITERALLY KNOW EACH OTHER

ami plays games❣️@amenouzume_

Ok but real talk are we watching exes flirt rn

✨ANGEL✨@angel_ass 

who says they’re exes 👀

THOTh @monkeybusiness

idk, if they were actually dating why would joker call him his celebrity crush? that’s a crazy thing to say about your ex

ami plays games❣️@amenouzume_

ok but have you considered joker is crazy

kaya kaya! @detectiveprincess

[Photos of teenage Ren and Akechi chatting on a street in Kichijoji.]

which could mean nothing!!!!

💗 fuji-ko-koro 💗 @goro_love

THERE’S MORE????

TATI @titania33

ALRIGHT THIS CONFIRMS IT. TO ME

aiko 💃 @goroswife

Anyone who seriously believes Goro-kun was dating some streamer guy is clearly delulu!!!!

✨ANGEL✨@angel_ass

ok yumejoshi

Alice 👻🐰 @alicenotinwonderland

ok but what if they WEREN’T dating but they both liked each other and they lost touch after akechi disappeared and akechi is just now finding out this guy had a crush on him the whole time 

stan critical thinking @setaunta

why are people writing rpf on my tl rn 

joker’s (ex)wife @pixiiie

Alright so was this before or after he met ann 👀

michi 🇯🇵🇧🇷 @matadork

shhhh don’t say it too loud….

a. @feather_karasu 🔒

why hasn’t he said anything yet. fuck this.

Tsubaki @angeluriel

tbh this is the most exciting the fandom has been since the Gorls vs Akechi’s Angels discourse

hiroko 🎡@fortunasfavour

you didn't think it was exciting when he came back from the dead????

Tsubaki @angeluriel

I said what I said

joker said rpf is fine @arii_adne

stay tuned for my 10k joker/akechi getting back together fanfic

☽ nastuki ☾ @archangellll

I know you’re joking but I would legit read that

joker said rpf is fine @arii_adne

who says i’m joking 🫣

Akechi Goro HQ @GORLHQ

Context for today’s discourse if you’re wondering what’s going on and who @jokeren2 is 🧵⬇️

When Ren got home, he pulled up Flitter.

There weren’t a lot of photos of him and Akechi— they mostly kept to low-key spots like Leblanc and Jazz Jin, and Penguin Sniper’s clientele didn’t have a big overlap with Gorls (or Akechi’s Angels, as they’d called themselves back then). But there were a couple from the cafe they’d tried together, the first time they’d gone out. 

It was before Ren ruffled Akechi’s hair, just as he was leaning in. Akechi had a deer-in-headlights look on his face. From the angle, you couldn’t see Ren’s face. He wished he could remember what he said to Akechi to make him look like that. 

Ren’s face was visible in the second photo, but the glare on his glasses made it hard to see his expression. He was grateful.

The next batch of photos was of the two of them chatting outside of Penguin Sniper. Was this before or after a game? Ren couldn’t tell. Akechi had a smirk on his face— he almost looked like his real self, then. Sometimes the mask slipped, when it was just the two of them. 

Ren wondered how many times he’d let his own mask slip. Most of the time, Ren felt like Akechi saw right through him. 

im da joker baby @jokeren2

;)

a. @feather_karasu 🔒

i fucking hate him.

Chapter Text

I acknowledge that it is impossible for me to talk about my past life without also talking about the Phantom Thieves. Nonetheless, I am going to do my best. 

Please understand that it was not only one of the most difficult and tumultuous times in my life, but many of the details of the case are still classified. I am not at liberty to discuss the methods or identities of the Phantom Thieves. Suffice it to say that it was not a hoax. They truly did change hearts— and I truly did infiltrate and betray them.

What was a hoax: The so-called “suicide” of their leader.

In truth, the “death” of the leader of the Phantom Thieves was a premeditated event. He was only meant to be another bullet point on a long list of casualties orchestrated by Shido’s conspiracy. The only difference was that he was conveniently poised to take the fall for a number of our own crimes. 

Obviously, it didn't go so smoothly. 

- “The Crow Falls at Midnight”, Chapter 9

When he started streaming the next day, everyone in chat was pestering him about Akechi. 

forneuss: WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US YOU KNOW AKECHI GORO 

jackfrostiie: lololol

setaunta: my flitter feed is all akechi goro now what have you done

m0thm4n: im not on flitter what’s happening

THOTh: @m0thm4n someone found photos of them hanging out back in hs

apsarass: ????? YOU LITERALLY KNOW HIM???? 

seiyuuu: i cant believe you called him your celeb crush LMAO

Ren ignored the vast majority of them.

“I wouldn’t say that I know Akechi,” Ren said, rubbing the back of his neck. “We haven’t spoken since high school. We’re basically strangers now.” 

And wasn’t that the truth. Ren didn’t know this shiny new Akechi Goro who scoffed at interviewers and rolled his eyes at fans, who wore his real face out in public. Ren didn’t know any more about what he’d been up to in the last five years than the thousands of other people with Akechi’s memoir on their shelves. 

The memory of what Akechi’s lips felt like, what his hands felt like— none of that changed the fact that Ren didn’t know who Akechi was anymore. 

But god, did he want to. 

“Anyway, today we’re gonna be playing the Pokemon Sword DLC.”

amenouzume_: booooooo

hell_biker : finally GAMERS RISE UP 

belfegore: YES im sick of talking about the detective guy

angel_ass: ok coward

alicenotinwonderland: :sad-mona: :sad-mona: :sad-mona:

fortunasfavour: :disappointed-mona:

succcccubussy: noooo give us the deets!!

amenouzume_: :sad-mona:

The truth was, Ren was mentioned in Akechi's book. Or at least, “the leader of the Phantom Thieves” was. But in a book supposedly meant to expose the dark truth of Akechi’s life, he revealed surprisingly little about his personal life. 

There was no mention of Ren as he had been to Akechi— rival, friend, not-quite-lover. There was only the mysterious leader of the Phantom Thieves, only brought up to explain the plot to kill him and frame him for the crimes of Shido’s conspiracy.

In the book, Akechi said that he still didn't know how the leader evaded death. Ren didn't know if that was true. Akechi had never asked, but there were a lot of strange things Akechi didn't question that January. He'd certainly rolled with the magical little girl telling them what to do easily enough. 

Of course, Akechi couldn't tell the full truth about what happened in the Metaverse and the many murders he actually committed, so the memoir was limited to events Akechi could prove in the real world. He explained his role in the conspiracy as covering up the mental shutdowns by “solving” them, which was true (although he claimed that the methods behind the mental shutdowns themselves were classified). He used his relation to Shido as an explanation for why Shido would bother taking advantage of an otherwise ordinary teenage orphan, since he couldn’t mention the other world where he had superpowers. 

It was a book full of half-truths and carefully censored accounts.

During the fall of that terrible, incredible year, Ren probably would've given anything to have a book like this in his hands— a pure insight into the mind of Akechi Goro. Even the censored bits, the edited opinions, all of it said something about the way Akechi thought and wanted to present himself to the world. 

Now, Ren knew that it wasn't enough. 

He wanted to talk to Akechi. He wanted to ask Akechi what he meant during this section or that paragraph. He wanted to see Akechi up close, to be able to count his eyelashes when he blinked. He wanted to hold Akechi close and feel the beating of his heart, the blood beneath his skin. Ren wanted more . 

But then—

Then he remembered standing in LeBlanc on a cold February afternoon, facing down the only thing he'd wanted for himself that entire year. He remembered Akechi walking out. 

He wasn’t a mystery to Akechi, Ren reminded himself. These past five years, Akechi knew exactly what Ren wanted, all along. And he had turned away. 

So no, Ren didn't intend to reach out to Akechi. If Akechi actually wanted to talk, he knew where to find Ren. 

In the meantime, he was going to keep annoying Akechi on Flitter.

hiroko 🎡@fortunasfavour

[Clip from Ren’s stream explaining that he hasn’t spoken to Akechi since high school]

help why did he sound so wistful

Reiko 🌸 @principalily_art

he’s living in a shoujo manga fr

Alice 👻🐰 @alicenotinwonderland

THE YEARNING ARDWFLNSFGJKEAASDF AHHHHHHHHHH

⭐ hoshiko ⭐ @akechica

are you okay

Alice 👻🐰 @alicenotinwonderland

NO

im da joker baby @jokeren2

[Picture of Morgana looking very sadly out a window into the rain.]

when will my roommate return from the fashion war

#1 morgana fan @naganaturals

nooooo don’t be sad mona!! ann will be back soon 🥺

stan critical thinking @setaunta 

Paris Fashion Week needs to be over so this cat can be happy again

sachi ❀ @narcissussy

👀

Hiro K @forneuss

??? What does this mean lol

sachi ❀ @narcissussy

if ykyk…

michi 🇯🇵🇧🇷 @matadork

keep it to the group chat omg

joker’s (ex)wife @pixiiie

sure, your CAT misses her. definitely just your cat.

STREAM HEARTFINDER OUT NOW!!! @lililim

FR WHO DO THEY THINK THEY’RE FOOLING

ami plays games❣️ @amenouzume_

so excited for Ann to get back so we can have another episode of the cooking series joker refuses to name

ami plays games❣️ @amenouzume_

joker liked this?? lmfao

a. @feather_karasu 🔒

they’re so transparent it’s disgusting 

Ren typically only worked Sunday nights in Shinjuku. He loved Crossroads, but it was a pretty long commute from his apartment in Yongen-jaya and he didn’t really want to make it more than once a week. 

Lala trusted Ren with a lot more than just washing dishes and refilling waters now that he wasn’t a minor. She didn’t send him home at 9:30, for one thing. He was actually allowed to serve customers drinks too. 

And if he wanted, he was even allowed to dress up. He didn’t always, but honestly— Ren really needed a mask tonight. 

“Hey honey,” Lala drawled when Ren stepped out of the back room, fully dolled-up. “Could you serve the group of girls over there? I’ve got my hands full with the regulars.” 

“Got it,” Ren said, with just a bit more of a feminine lilt than usual. Lala didn’t bother pitching up much, so Ren didn’t either. He made his way to the back table, settling into the persona as he walked. All the insecurities that had been festering melted away when he donned the wig and kimono.

“How can I help—” Ren cut himself off, blinking at the sight in front of him. “Sumire?” 

“Huh?” Sumire said, her glasses slightly askew and her cheeks slightly flushed. It looked like this wasn’t the first bar these girls had stopped at. “Sorry, do I know you?”

“Um,” he said. “It’s Ren?”

She stared blankly at him.

“...Amamiya?” 

“Oh. Oh! Amamiya-senpai!” Her cheeks grew even more red. “I didn’t recognize you with… um…”

“Without my glasses?” Ren finished with a wry smile, startling a giggle out of the flustered girl. The other two girls (Sumire’s friends? Teammates?) were watching with interest. 

The girl sitting to Sumire’s right, clearly more drunk than the others, had been completely lost to a laughing fit. The girl sitting to her left, who was a few inches taller than the others, just smiled fondly at Sumire’s stuttering. 

“I thought we were past “senpai” by now,” he teased. “Are you ladies celebrating your big win?”

“We sure are!” Drunk Girl yelled. “National champions babyyyyy!”

Ren knew, of course. He’d watched the competition online and congratulated Sumire yesterday. She had mentioned that she’d be celebrating with some friends, but he hadn’t expected to see her here. 

“Well,” Ren drawled, “can I get you champions anything to drink?”

When he came back with their orders, Drunk Girl was staring at him with narrowed eyes.

“Hey, aren’t you that streamer guy?” she slurred. “The one who’s obsessed with Akechi Goro?”

Sumire choked on her drink.

“Yep, that’s me,” Ren said. 

“Mayumi!” Sumire squeaked. “How do you even know that?”

“Uh, I’m online, duhhh. Sumi, we gotta get you a Flitter account.” 

“I don’t know about that,” Tall Girl said. “I think it’s cute that you’re not really on social media.”

“C-c-cute?” Sumire said, her face reddening again.

Ren hid a smile behind the sleeve of his kimono and left the girls to themselves. It was good to see Sumire enjoying herself with friends (and maybe one more-than-a-friend). 

A couple of months ago, Sumire had told him that she was retiring from gymnastics after she graduated. Gymnastics was a sport with an early expiration date, Sumire had explained. It was unlikely she’d make it to a second Olympics, and if she was being honest with herself, she wasn’t sure she wanted to. Being a professional athlete took a real toll on the body, after all.

This last year of competition, she didn’t want to focus on winning; she already had an Olympic medal to show for her efforts. She just wanted to savor it.

When Ren last asked, Sumire still wasn’t sure what she wanted to do next. She said it was frustrating having to reinvent herself again yet again— but exciting, too. 

There was a whole world of possibilities waiting for her.

Akechi Goro HQ @GORLHQ

[Blurry photos of teenage Ren and Akechi at an aquarium, taken from behind.]

Here’s a throwback! Originally posted by gorogirlxx on July 29th, 2016

joker said rpf is fine @arii-adne

oh my god??

michael @flamingsword

AN AQUARIUM DATE???? they were SO together

Alice 👻🐰 @alicenotinwonderland

RIGHT????

#1 morgana fan @naganaturals 

I’m not a joker/akechi truther by any means but I will admit that with every new photo of them hanging out it does seem more plausible. Like, at this point I wouldn’t be surprised to find out they really were exes

☽ nastuki ☾ @archangellll

we got another one boys

hiroko 🎡@fortunasfavour

ok but seriously it doesn’t count as a celebrity crush if you know them. @jokeren2 pick a new celeb crush (THAT YOU DON’T KNOW IRL!!!!!)

michi 🇯🇵🇧🇷 @matadork

if he says ann istg….

sachi ❀ @narcissussy

PLEASE SAY ANN 🙏

mayumi 🫶🏳️‍🌈 @gorldick

[Dark, blurry selfie of Ren and Mayumi in Crossroads holding up peace signs]

im at tthe gay bar yall would not beliiiiieve who is here !!

⭐ hoshiko ⭐ @akechica

Hey bestie <3 ily but I can’t even tell if YOU’RE in this photo

mayumi 🫶🏳️‍🌈 @gorldick

lollllllllll;;

Reiko 🌸 @principalily_art

[Fanart of modern-day Ren and Akechi holding hands at an aquarium]

idk what possessed me to do this but here

✨ANGEL✨@angel_ass

hey OP I think I’m actually in love with you for this

m e i k o @rakshasassy

@jokeren2 REVEAL A DIFFERENT CELEB CRUSH OR DIE BY MY SWORD

THOTh @monkeybusiness

we found out one thing about his personal life and now we’re addicted. this is why he doesn’t tell us anything…..

sara @sarasvatea

ngl I kinda miss the old days when joker was just a lowkey streamer and no one was speculating about his dating life 😭

joker’s ex(wife) @pixiiie

sorry to break it to you but folks have been speculating forever lol

im da joker baby @jokeren2

fiiiiine my celebrity crush (that I don’t know irl) is risette

ami plays games❣️  @amenouzume_

he better not know Risette too

Hiro K @forneuss

if it turns out you have some deep and storied history with RISETTE im gonna lose it i really am

a. @feather_karasu 🔒

seriously? I can’t even have this?

Chapter Text

I’m not looking for sympathy, truly. Yes, I was an unwanted orphan and a victim of the system. But I ceased to deserve any goodwill the moment when I delivered that same fate unto another. 

The first person whose death I was directly involved with was a single mother with an eleven-year-old daughter. I didn’t know that at the time, but I didn’t ask questions either.

- “The Crow Falls at Midnight,” Chapter 4

“Soooooo,” Ryuji said, setting down his controller. The two of them lounged on Ren’s worn-out second-hand couch, waiting for Futaba and Morgana to get back from their snack run.

“I’ve been meaning to ask, are you doing okay?” Ryuji asked, the couch squeaking quietly as he sat forward. “With the whole… you know, Akechi stuff.” 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Ren responded.

“I mean… I know this is the first time you guys have talked since. You know…” Ryuji did a hand-wavey motion that was probably meant to encapsulate the entirety of the mess with the attempted murder and Akechi’s death and Maruki’s fake reality and Ren thinking that he was killing Akechi again and then finding out he was actually alive and waiting for him to reach out (which never happened).

“Since you guys broke up.” 

Ah. That too.

“We weren’t really together,” Ren said.

“...Sure. Whatever helps you deal, Renren,” Ryuji said, patting Ren gently on the knee. 

Just then, Futaba and Morgana burst through the front door. 

“We have arrived with our spoils of war!” Futaba declared, convenience store bags held high above her head. 

“What are you guys talking about?” Morgana meowed.

“Nothing,” Ren said.

“Akechi,” Ryuji said.

“Oh thank god,” Futaba exclaimed, unceremoniously dropping the bags on the floor by the TV. 

Um, okay. Not at all the reaction Ren expected from her, considering Akechi had pretty much confessed to murdering Futaba’s mom. 

“I was trying to decide if I should bring it up. I can’t believe he has notifications on for you!” she exclaimed.

“Wait, what?” Ren sat up from where he’d sprawled out on the couch. 

“For real?” Ryuji said, picking a bag of chips out of Futaba’s discarded grocery bags. 

“Um, obviously! He responded to you so fast.”

“Yeah, but I tagged him.”

“Come on, he barely interacts with people on Flitter!" Futaba argued. "There’s no way he actually checks all of his mentions.” Ren privately thought that that was exactly the kind of neurotic thing Akechi would do, but hey, he didn’t know Akechi anymore. Maybe he had a normal, healthy relationship with social media now.

“Can’t we just test it?” Ryuji said. “Post something and see if he responds!”

“He won’t respond to just anything though. We have to bait him.” Futaba cackled evilly. “Oh! What if you said something really embarrassing, like ‘Akechi Goro’s favorite Featherman movie is Featherman: Turbo Flight ’!”

“That’s not embarrassing,” Ryuji pointed out. 

“Oh trust me,” Futaba said, “it is.”

“Isn’t that the one with the motorcycles? I liked it!”

“Is that even true though?” Morgana asked, hopping up to the arm of the couch and ignoring Ryuji’s petulant outcry. “Would Akechi even respond to something totally made up?”

The others kept yelling about the potential embarrassment of liking various Featherman movies, but Ren stopped listening around this point. He was scrolling through all his old photos trying to find— yup. Perfect. 

“Would this work?” Ren turned his phone to the others.

“YES!” Futaba screeched with delight.

im da joker baby @jokeren2

[Photo of a teenage Akechi with his hair messed up and wearing Ren’s glasses]

[Photo of the sparkling water billboard that’s been haunting Ren every time he steps foot in Shibuya]

glow up

Ren held his breath. Distantly, he heard Ryuji complain, “Dude, how did you manage to turn this into a thirst post?” Then, within seconds—

Akechi Goro @AkechiGoro 

Delete this. 

This set everyone off into a fit of laughter. Everyone except Ren, who was desperately fumbling with his phone trying to reply. Unfortunately, he didn't manage it in time.

This fleet has been deleted.

The others laughed even harder. Ren slumped back in shock. Akechi Goro followed him on Flitter. Akechi Goro had an alt account (because Ren definitely would have noticed if Akechi was following him on main.) Akechi Goro had notifications on for him. 

Ren’s phone buzzed.

Akechi Goro @AkechiGoro 

You told me you deleted this photo.

This time Ren was quicker on the draw, the adrenaline already pumping through his system.

im da joker baby @jokeren2 

oh so you do remember me ;)

Akechi deleted his fleet within the next minute. Ren left both of his up.

TATI @titania33

JOKER CONFIRMED HE’S THE GUY IN THE CAFE PHOTOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

≽^•⩊•^≼ @dominyan

akechi goro’s bitch era @lowkeyloki

are we gonna talk about how fast akechi replied LMFAO

#1 morgana fan @naganaturals

I just know that somewhere out there a metuber is compiling a 2 hour video titled “all joker/akechi evidence” or smth

joker said rpf is fine @arii_adne 

thank you to the brave warriors at Akechi Goro HQ for making this possible 🫡

https://archiveofourown.info/works/65685961

Akechi Goro HQ @GORLHQ

🫡🫡🫡

☽ nastuki ☾ @archangellll

AHHH I CANT BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY DID IT!!!!!

Alice 👻🐰 @alicenotinwonderland 

joker confirming it’s him in the cafe photo with a thirst fleet, arii_adne dropping a 17k fic… JOKER/AKECHI FANS ARE EATING WELL TONIGHT

ami plays games❣️ @amenouzume_

have you guys come to a consensus on the ship name lol

akechi goro’s bitch era @lowkeyloki

akechi fans can’t even come to a consensus on a fandom name lol

☽ nastuki ☾ @archangellll

it’s true 😞

Saito @belfegore 

I really hate how all Joker fans talk about these days is the shipping bullshit. I don’t give a fuck about the detective guy or whether he’s gay

stan critical thinking @setaunta

In their defense, Akechi is also all Joker talks about.

STREAM HEARTFINDER OUT NOW!!! @lililim

fr they’re all so delulu 🙄

TATI @titania33

did I just get called delulu by a joker@nn?? A JOKER@NN??????

Tsubaki @angeluriel

what’s joker@nn?

TATI @titania33

I’ll dm you lol

---

“So today we’re gonna be trying to get the last of Skelly’s prizes in Hades. Again. I’m gonna make it this time, guys.” 

Ren read questions from chat while he cleared the early stages.

“My favorite love interest? Meg,” he said, narrowly avoiding a numbskull. Whew. It’d be embarrassing to take any damage this early on in the run. 

“Joker murder kink confirmed,” he read. “Haven’t we already established that?”

fortunasfavour: yeah doesn’t he ship joshneku

naganaturals: WHAT DO YOU MEAN MURDER KINK

forneuss: ????

inugamer: i understand wanting girls to be mean to you but uhhhhh

amenouzume_: :disappointed-mona: :disappointed-mona: :disappointed-mona:

“I can’t believe you guys are kinkshaming me right now. I just think trying to kill each other is kind of hot.” Ren deadpanned. Speak of the devil; it was time to fight Meg. Ren ignored the chat to concentrate on the fight. 

forneuss: are you ok man

flamingsword: no he’s right let him cook

naganaturals: :distressed-mona: :distressed-mona: :distressed-mona:

inugamer: I mean. I do want meg to step on me

fortunasfavour: joker’s ultimate fantasy is a fight to the death with akechi goro

seiyuuu: @fortunasfavour LMAO 

NAVII: @fortunasfavour too real…..

RISETTE @Risette

[photo of 15-year-old Risette and 11-year-old Ren both making peace signs at the camera]

Wow, I can’t believe Renren @jokeren2 forgot all about his favorite neighbor :(

ami plays games❣️  @amenouzume_

called it

im da joker baby @jokeren2

i can’t believe you would expose me like this

STREAM HEARTFINDER OUT NOW!!! @lililim

THE CROSSOVER WE DIDN’T KNOW WE NEEDED. YOU DROPPED THIS QUEEN  👑👑👑

parvati <3 @thatstheparvatea

baby risette was so cuuuuute 🥺 who’s this guy?

m e i k o @rakshasassy

NO YOU HAVE TO START WATCHING JOKER. TRUST ME THE LORE GOES SO CRAZY

Hiro K @forneuss

I don’t know what I expected tbh. OF COURSE Joker knows Risette

joker’s (ex)wife @pixiiie

wake up babe new joker lore just dropped

Alice 👻🐰 @alicenotinwonderland

BABY JOKER PIC!!!!!!!!!! oh my god i can die happy now

hiroko 🎡@fortunasfavour

THINGS WE KNOW ABOUT JOKER:

• juvenile delinquent (criminal record was expunged)
• graduated top of his class
• lives with a supermodel
• friends with Akechi Goro in HS
• risette was his childhood neighbor????

⭐ hoshiko ⭐ @akechica

you forgot "obsessed with akechi" and "flitter troll"

aiko 💃 @goroswife

I just found out that @jokeren2 has a record of violent crime? I don’t know how people can morally justify stanning him, much less shipping him with Akechi-san…

sachi ❀ @narcissussy

UMM YOUR FAV HAS LITERALLY ADMITTED TO HELPING COVER UP MURDERS????

aiko 💃 @goroswife

That was a completely different situation, he was a minor.

Akechi Goro @AkechiGoro

I’ll be appearing on All Night Japan at 7pm Thursday. See you there.

Interviewer: So, I understand there was a lot of material that didn’t make it into the final draft of your book. Tell us about that. 

Akechi: When I first started writing the book, it was a lot more personal in nature. It was actually something my therapist had suggested, to help me look at my past through a more objective lens. But when I started seriously considering publishing it, I knew I had to cut a lot of that material out. I wanted the book to be about corruption in our nation’s institutions– not. Well. Me being homosexual.

Ren’s first thought while watching this was, Of course Akechi would use the word ‘homosexual’ instead of just calling himself gay. His second thought was, Holy shit, Akechi just came out. 

Akechi onscreen was talking again. Ren skipped back a bit to catch what he missed while freaking out. 

Interviewer: That must have been difficult, having to hide part of yourself in a book dedicated to exposing the truth.

Akechi: Not exactly. Don’t misunderstand me— I was still showing more of myself than ever before. I simply decided to keep this part private. I also wasn’t sure what the public response to the book would be, so I decided it would be better for the success of the book if I left it out in order to narrow the scope of the story. 

Interviewer: Still, this adds another dimension to the isolation you describe in your book.

Akechi: Yes, I’ll admit that much. And there were many important life events— important people who went totally unmentioned as a result. 

Ren bluescreened.

Akechi Goro HQ 🏳️‍🌈 @GORLHQ

So proud of you Akechi-san! We’ll always support you!!! 🏳️‍🌈

michael  @flamingsword

wait did akechi just confirm jokechi

Ohya Ichiko @OhyaIchiko

[jp.newssite.com/detective-prince-gay]

“Former “Detective Prince” Akechi Goro Comes Out As Gay”

⭐ hoshiko ⭐ @akechica

He’s literally a bestselling author but sure, “former detective prince” is all that matters ig

Ohya Ichiko @OhyaIchiko

I don’t write the headlines, take it up with my editor girlie ♥️

⭐ hoshiko ⭐ @akechica

that’s GORLIE to you

mayumi 🫶🏳️‍🌈 @gorldick

ONE OF US. ONE OF US

aiko 💃 @goroswife

This has to be some kind of joke. I can’t believe this

⭐ hoshiko ⭐ @akechica

delulu he was never gonna fuck you <3

TATI @titania33

“important people who went totally unmentioned” -> hasn’t joker been complaining about how the book doesn’t mention him at all???

jun @phoenixwrong

akechi goro the detective prince coming out as gay was NOT on my 2022 bingo card

💗 fuji-ko-koro 💗@goro_love

I just wanted to say that as a queer person this means SO much to me. I grew up watching Akechi when I was in middle school and I always really idolized him, but as I got older I became more disenchanted with our govt. When The Crow Falls at Midnight was released, (🧵 1/15)

im da joker baby @jokeren2

so what you’re saying is… i’ve got a chance 👀

Chapter Text

Everything about my image was carefully crafted to appeal to the masses. The only thing about me that wasn’t fake was my name, which was more of a cruel joke played on me by fate (or my mother, may she rest in peace).

I would love to say that the manufacturing of “Detective Prince” Akechi Goro was entirely the fault of the conspiracy, but the truth of the matter is that I did enjoy being an idol. I enjoyed being wanted, useful, respected— all the things that I hadn’t been in my childhood. And I suppose that it made me all the more unprepared for when the barrel of Shido’s gun swung around to me. 

- “The Crow Falls at Midnight,” Chapter 8

“Hey guys. Ann’s back–”

“Heyyyyyy!” Ann said, leaning into the camera frame. They were filming in the kitchen today, doing a rare non-gaming stream.

“So we’re doing another cooking stream today,” Ren continued. “If you’re new here, my roommate Ann is going to tell me about something she ate while abroad, and I’m going to try and recreate it based on her description. Then for round two, I’ll try again with an actual recipe.”

“And I’ve finally come up with a name for the show!” Ann chimed in. She said this earnestly every time. Whatever it was, it probably wouldn’t be worse than her last suggestion of Uncharted Waiters.

“Mystereats!” Ann proclaimed.

Ren stood corrected.

“Mister... Eats?” Morgana asked from his tall director’s chair behind the camera.

“You know, like mystery-eats! Mystereats!”

“Oh, I see. That’s pretty clever, Lady Ann!” Morgana said, ever the hype man.

“Let’s table the name discussion for now,” Ren said. “Ann, what are we eating today?”

“Well, every time I’m in Paris I always fill up on crepes and pastries. But I did manage to squeeze in one savory dish this time…” 

Ann went on to describe a rich, decadent dish made of cheese and sliced potatoes. Ren got to work. While he cooked, Ann sat at their tiny kitchen island and read off questions from chat.

“Is anyone behind the camera or is it just you two?” Ann read. “Morgana’s operating the camera, obviously!” she giggled.

“Yeah!” Morgana said, even though he knew the viewers would just hear meowing. “I’m an important member of the team!”

“You are,” Ren said with a small smile. If he wasn’t in the middle of chopping potatoes right now, he would have gone over to scritch Morgana behind the ears. 

“Have you ever considered becoming a teppanyaki chef?”

“What, so I could entertain tourists?” Ren said, flipping his knife into the air and catching it casually. “Nah. I worked at this beef bowl place in high school and it kind of scared me off of becoming a chef.”

“Joker treats his roommate better than my boyfriend treats me, ” Ann wrinkled her nose. “Um, okay? Get a new boyfriend?” Ann had a zero-tolerance policy on other people’s bad boyfriends, which was pretty funny coming from someone who was constantly embroiled in the most insane high-stakes toxic lesbian drama on the planet.

“Have you ever been recognized by a fan?”  

“Yeah, actually,” Ren said. “I mean she wasn’t a fan exactly, but I got recognized from Flitter. Hi Mayumi-chan, if you’re watching.”

“Oh, fun! When was this?”

“A couple weeks ago. I was working at the bar.”

“Ooh, were you dressed up?”

“Yup.”

“And she still recognized you? That’s a true fan!”

“Well, I introduced myself since she was with Sumire. And I think Sumire might have shown her a picture of what I looked like without the makeup and wig.”

Ren glanced over at the laptop Ann was using. It looked like the chat was getting pretty busy. Ren started layering the potatoes in a baking tray with cheese, choosing to ignore all that.

“Wait, does Joker crossdress? Not for free!” Ann laughed. Ren cracked a smile at that. The chat continued to go wild as he finished up the dish.

“Wow Joker, it looks like a lot of people would pay to see you in a dress!” Ann said. 

“Maybe you should do a charity fundraiser or something,” Morgana suggested.

“Huh,” Ren said, placing the tray in the toaster oven, “that’s not a bad idea.”

im the joker baby @jokeren2

how many of you would actually be interested in a charity stream (possibly feat. me in drag)

✨ANGEL✨@angel_ass

I think we’d all be interested bestie

sachi ❀ @narcissussy

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE 

m e i k o @rakshasassy  

IM ON MY HANDS AND KNEES BEGGING YOU

im the joker baby @jokeren2

alright then

Akane Hasegawa @phantomcosette

ALL JOKECHI EVIDENCE - new video out now!

[https://metu.be/RhegGiKzkCA?si=WZqCH82nXFd_TyCH]

Alice 👻🐰 @alicenotinwonderland

THANK YOU QUEEN 🙇

ami plays games❣️ @amenouzume_

45 minutes of joker yapping about akechi… remember back when he didn’t even read the chat lol

TATI @titania33

I am behind you 1000 percent but do we have to call it jokechi

Akane Hasegawa @phantomcosette

would you rather we call it goker 

TATI @titania33

good point carry on

Saito @belfegore

Joker’s clearly just playing up this whole shipping thing for clout 🙄 this shit is so fake

M. Yuuki @PhanMod

New episode of Mystereats will be out on MeTube next Tuesday! This kind of video takes a little longer to edit, so thank you for your patience.

Hiro K @forneuss

Are we seriously going with Mystereats?

stan critical thinking @setaunta

Don’t worry they’ll have a new equally terrible title by next episode lol

akechi goro’s bitch era @lowkeyloki

help is joker’s editor a dan and phil fan??

sara @sarasvatea 

No, it’s convergent evolution. Phantom Thieves fans used to call themselves “phans”

akechi goro’s bitch era @lowkeyloki

did no one tell them that was already taken?? lmao

m e i k o @rakshasassy

I can’t decide who’s more delulu, the jokechis or the jokera— *GUNSHOT*

#1 morgana fan @naganaturals

the model contract theorists got her. rest in pieces 🙏

Reiko 🌸 @principalily_art  

JOKER JUST REFLEETED MY JOKECHI FANART????

☽ nastuki ☾ @archangellll

YOOOOOO

Reiko 🌸 @principalily_art

HOW IS THIS REAL LIFE

hiroko 🎡@fortunasfavour

funniest thing to come out of the jokechi drama is that i now have gorl mutuals

akechi goro’s bitch era @lowkeyloki

🫶

≽^•⩊•^≼ @dominyan

we have a bond forged in fire

michael @goker

jokechi is real, joker told me himself

TATI @titania33

HELP i just noticed your new handle 😭

Akechi Goro HQ @GORLHQ

[Photos from Akechi’s latest ad campaign]

TATI @titania33

joker liked this 👀

Alice 👻🐰 @alicenotinwonderland

of course he did lmao

step on me akechi @gorlfriend 

on one hand I’m mad this random streamer might have actually dated akechi and on the other hand i deeply relate to his flitter simping. we understand each other on a pure and primal level

a. @feather_karasu 🔒

Is this all a joke to him? Is this a redirection? I can never fucking tell what he’s thinking 

a. @feather_karasu 🔒

I wish I could just talk to him.

“So what do you think about the charity stream idea?” Morgana asked as Ren brushed his teeth that night.

Ren spat into the sink. 

“It seems like a lot of people want me to,” he said.

“...But do you want to?” Morgana pressed. 

Ren went quiet as he rinsed out his mouth. He looked in the mirror and met his own steely-eyed gaze— 

Did he want to?

“I haven’t done anything like this before,” he murmured. 

Ren hadn’t started streaming with the intention of making a career of it. He hadn’t planned on any of this (not that he ever planned anything more than a few weeks ahead). But doing something this big made it feel like he was— committing. Like he was taking it seriously.

“Well, maybe it’s time,” Morgana said gently.

“...Yeah. Maybe it is.”

im da joker baby @jokeren2

big news! we are officially doing a charity stream next week to benefit victims of domestic violence. we haven’t decided on all the goals yet, but yes, there will be crossdressing. we will also have a celebrity guest!

Alice 👻🐰 @alicenotinwonderland

OH MY GOD IT’S HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hiroko 🎡@fortunasfavour

I have never been more hyped for anything in my life

michael @goker

a celebrity guest, you say 👀

TATI @titania33

Oh my god, if Akechi showed up I think I’d actually die

joker’s ex(wife) @pixiiie

watch it just be ann lol

STREAM HEARTFINDER OUT NOW!!! @lililim

MANIFESTING RISETTE

im da joker baby @jokeren2

one more announcement! during my next stream i’ll be reading fanfiction about me from ao4. please send me recommendations. i promise to be nice!

im da joker baby @jokeren2

if you DON’T want me to read your fanfiction, please private your works or add a note saying you don’t want me to read it. @NAVII is curating the list for me and will be reaching out to authors for permission

THOTh @monkeybusiness

this is hilarious but also are you insane

m e i k o @rakshasassy

yes he is ♥️

joker ACTUALLY said rpf is fine @arii_adne

WHAT DID I TELL YALL

#1 morgana fan @naganaturals

you’re the real winner today 🙇

and I know I’ve kissed you before but (I didn’t do it right) by arii_adne

Celebrity RPF

No Archive Warnings Apply, Akechi Goro/Ren Amamiya | Joker, Akechi Goro, Ren Amamiya | Joker, Alternate Universe - Exes, Getting Back Together, Mutual Pining

Two aquarium dates, five years apart. Goro and Ren try again.

Language: 日本語  Words: 17,670  Chapters: 2/2  Comments: 58  Kudos: 643  Bookmarks: 86 Hits: 2,654

my one and only by lililim

Celebrity RPF

No Archive Warnings Apply,Ann Takamaki/Ren Amamiya | Joker, Ann Takamaki, Ren Amamiya | Joker, Friends to Lovers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Roommates, Hidden Relationship, Slow Burn, Sharing a Bed, Sexual Tension

Ren and Ann are just friends, not that anyone will believe them. Everyone says living together can only lead to one thing, but Ann’s not worried about it. There’s no reason that a girl and a boy can’t be normal, platonic roommates, right? (Wrong.)

Joker/Akechi shippers DNI!!!

Language: 日本語  Words: 65,035  Chapters: 27/?  Comments: 130  Kudos: 106  Bookmarks: 29  Hits: 2,043

Not Too Late by fortunasfav

Celebrity RPF

No Archive Warnings Apply, Akechi Goro/Ren Amamiya | Joker, Akechi Goro, Ren Amamiya | Joker, Mutual Pining, Fluff, Idiots in Love

“You had a crush on me the whole time? Why didn’t you say anything?”

Ren shrugged. “You had a lot on your plate back then.”

OR: Ren and Akechi finally talk things out. 

Language: 日本語  Words: 2,574  Chapters: 1/1  Comments: 21  Kudos: 233  Bookmarks: 17 Hits: 1,204

Good Luck Charm by narcissussy

Celebrity RPF

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Ren Amamiya | Joker/Reader, Ren Amamiya | Joker, Reader-Insert, Smut, Joker is a Tease, JOKER DO NOT READ THIS!!!!!

Joker asks you to hang out while he streams. Things get spicy! 

DON’T LIKE DON’T READ. ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE JOKER!!!!!

Language: 日本語  Words: 1,789  Chapters: 1/1  Comments: 4  Kudos: 58  Bookmarks: 7 Hits: 568

Akechi was on another talk show today. Ren, a slave to his timeline, was watching from the comfort of his bed, holding his phone above his face. Much to the dismay of his viewers, he wasn’t streaming it on Glitch. Which was good, because if he had then all his viewers would have witnessed him having a complete mental breakdown over a daytime talk show.

Interviewer: Now, let’s talk about the recent revelation of your sexual orientation. It must have been difficult hiding this for so long, considering your original fanbase was primarily composed of teenage girls. How did you do it?

Akechi: Well, I primarily claimed that I was too busy with work to pursue a romantic relationship— which was true. I certainly didn’t have time to date back in high school.

Interviewer: Oh? And what about now? I know there’s a certain someone that many social media users seem to think you’re interested in. Do you care to deny the theory? 

Akechi: Hah! I know who you’re referring to, and I believe he prefers his models more… blonde. And female. 

Ren dropped his phone on his face. What the fuck?

#1 morgana fan @naganaturals

omg does akechi know about model contract theory

joker’s ex(wife) @pixiiie

Holy shit, Akechi knows about jokerann confirmed??????

aiko 💃 @goroswife

Akechi-san just confirmed that he and Joker weren’t dating in high school!

kaya kaya! @detectiveprincess

Wait wait but he didn’t deny being interested in Joker!!

💗 fuji-ko-koro 💗 @goro_love

Has he been pining this whole time? 😣

im da joker baby @jokeren2

???????????????????

BE GAY DO CRIMES:

Ren: why did i just watch my ex say i was straight on national television

Futaba: LMAOOOOOO

Futaba: so you admit he’s your ex

Ann: wait what happened

Ann: nvm just checked flitter LMAO 

Ann: https://flitter.com/detectiveprincess/status/324791041389

Makoto: I can’t say I blame him. I also used to think you two were dating

Ren: what

Ryuji: oh my god tell me about it 

Futaba: you have NO room to talk mr “renren!!!1! 🥺”

Futaba: but yeah I also thought this

Haru: I also believed you and Ann were together at one point!

Ren: WHAT

Yusuke: You two are very affectionate…

Ann: lol can’t help it we’re bestieeeees

Ryuji: I thought I was ren’s bestie :(

Futaba: LMAO we all think we’re ren’s bestie suck it up 

Haru: No, Mako-chan is my bestie 🙂

Makoto: Aww Haru-chan, you’re my bestie too! 

Ren: what the fuck is the model contract theory

Futaba: LMAO

Futaba: alright listen up losers

Ryuji: ok but I’m ren’s bestie for real right

Futaba: the model contract theory is the fan conspiracy that ren and ann are secretly dating but can’t tell anyone because of her modeling agency contract not allowing her to date

Futaba: they have years of “receipts” but honestly it just boils down to 1) you guys often post selfies getting food together so it looks like you hang out way more often than everyone else 2) a lot of people have a hard time believing that two hot people can be in close proximity and just be friends 3) everyone thinks ann is straight

Futaba: TLDR; literally no one believes you guys are just roommates

Ryuji: for real?

Makoto: That’s quite the leap in logic.

Haru: And Akechi… believes this? 

Ryuji: DAMN GOTTEM HARU

Futaba: it’s made worse because mishima mods the joker fanserver and he deletes all the conspiracy theory posting which. you know. only encourages it 

Futaba: any questions peons

Futaba: LMAO CHECK REN’S FLITTER

im da joker baby @jokeren2

god forbid a man have a standing lunch date with his supermodel best friend without his supermodel ex thinking that they’re secretly dating 

im da joker baby @jokeren2

oh sorry just realized this wasn’t clear enough. god forbid a SINGLE, BISEXUAL man have a standing PLATONIC lunch date with his supermodel best FRIEND without his ex thinking that they’re secretly dating (THEY’RE NOT)

im da joker baby @jokeren2

some of you have never had a minor celebrity friend/rival/enemy/situationship who disappeared during high school and then reappeared and became even more famous and never reached out again and now will only interact with you via social media and it shows

im da joker baby @jokeren2

put a finger down if you just found out your fans have been secretly spreading a conspiracy theory that you’re dating one of your best friends from high school but it’s not even the best friend from high school that you wanna be dating

im da joker baby @jokeren2

[link to “Every Time Joker Talks About Akechi” compilation] 

how many years do you have to be obsessed with a guy before he takes a fucking hint

Ryuji: are you ok

Ren: no 

Ryuji: :( do you want me to come over?

Ryuji: i swear i won't judge you for your taste in men

Ren: yes

Ryuji: :D

Ryuji: i’m your best friend right

Ren: yes 

Ren: but don’t anyone

Ren: especially ann

im da joker baby @jokeren2

i'm single btw. if anyone cares.

Chapter Text

In hindsight, my grand revenge scheme seems terribly childish. I did plan to eventually reveal Shido’s crimes to the public, but not until after the election. It wasn’t the most practical timing, but quite frankly I was more concerned with seeing him suffer dramatically than with the state of the Japanese government. 

As some of you may remember, I was beaten to the punch. 

- “The Crow Falls at Midnight,” Chapter 11

JOKECHI EXES CONFIRMED @titania33

LOSING MY MIND RN

joker ACTUALLY said rpf is fine @arii_adne

FRIEND/RIVAL/ENEMY/SITUATIONSHIP?????

joker ACTUALLY said rpf is fine @arii_adne

I need to lie down......

akechi goro’s bitch era @lowkeyloki

going absolutely feral over @/jokeren2’s crash out yesterday

akechi goro’s bitch era @lowkeyloki

ngl i think if my high school situationship called me straight on national tv i think i’d also lose it

joker’s (ex)wife @pixiiie

Ok on one hand, I was wrong. On the other hand, former Detective Prince Akechi Goro was ALSO wrong. So I don’t feel that bad

michi 🇯🇵🇧🇷 @matadork

it’s ok we were all wrong together </3

STREAM HEARTFINDER OUT NOW!!! @lililim

I still believe in jokerann 🥺

⭐ hoshiko ⭐ @akechica

literally how

Alice 👻🐰 @alicenotinwonderland

NOW WHO’S DELULU MFS

Sota @sotasurt

idk who either of these people are but I’m obsessed with the drama between @AkechiGoro and @jokeren2

Sota @sotasurt

you’re telling me they’ve been sniping at / flirting with each other online for weeks, one of them publicly called the other straight and the other guy crashed out and revealed they were exes??? say less 

jun @phoenixwrong

I KNOW RIGHT????? the tea is SCALDING

ami plays games❣️ @amenouzume_

if you had told me six months ago that my favorite chill comfort streamer would reveal on flitter that he was still in love with his ex boyf, AKECHI GORO, i would not have believed you in a million years

michael @goker

um i think you mean ex friend/enemy/rival/situationship

ami plays games❣️ @amenouzume_

SO TRUE my bad

Pop Stand @popstand

WHO IS “JOKER”? 

Everything YOU Need To Know About Akechi Goro’s Ex! 🧵

step on me akechi @gorlfriend 

I thought I understood Joker before but now I see his level of obsession/devotion goes far beyond us mere normies 🫡 stan hard soldier

RISETTE @Risette

Alright I’ll bite. Who’s Akechi Goro?

JOKECHI EXES CONFIRMED @titania33

LMAOOOO

STREAM HEARTFINDER OUT NOW!!! @lililim

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: 

YOU DROPPED THIS QUEEN 👑👑👑

friend/rival/enemy/situationship @naganaturals

AND THE CHARITY STREAM IS TOMORROW?????

hiroko 🎡@fortunasfavour

oh my fucking god

michael @goker

someone order a wellness check on this man

Ren woke up the next day to someone banging on his front door. 

“Bwuh?” Ryuji said, raising his head from his spot on the floor where he’d made himself a little bed out of back cushions from the couch. From said couch, Ann lobbed a throw pillow at him.

“Hey!” Ryuji groaned, still half-asleep. “Not cool!” 

Ann ignored him and flopped her face back into the couch, now pillowless. The banging on the door continued. 

What time was it? Was he expecting anyone today? Ren tried to check his phone but— oh, right. Ryuji and Ann had confiscated his phone the night before.

“Someone get that!” Morgana whined into Ren’s ear. 

Seeing as the other two were still out of commission from their impromptu sleepover last night, Ren resigned himself to getting up. Groggily, Ren made his way to the entryway and opened the door to reveal a very impatient red-eyed brunette.

“Great, you’re up,” Makoto said, breezing through the front door. She raised an eyebrow as she took in the state of the living room. Ren followed her gaze.

Ann and Ryuji were still passed out in their respective makeshift beds. Morgana was curled up in Ren’s shitty old futon (now dubbed the “guest futon” despite the fact that no guest had ever picked it over their perfectly serviceable couch). Junk food wrappers, takeout containers and empty bottles (some alcoholic, some not) littered the space. The TV still blinked with the “GAME OVER” screen of whatever retro game Ryuji had tried to distract him with before Ann had gotten home last night. In addition to the food and drink debris, a dozen different bottles of nail polish were scattered on the coffee table. 

Ren looked down at his hands. His nails were painted a shiny red.

“Well,” Makoto sighed, “at least you’re all here.” She cleared some space off the table to set her bag down, wrinkling her nose slightly.

“We have thirty-four hours until the charity stream is scheduled to begin,” she said, pulling out a laptop. “Let’s get to work.”

TMY @TMY

FORBIDDEN LOVE TRIANGLE? Akechi Goro, Ann Takamaki and the Streamer Caught in the Middle

[jp.tmy.com/akechi-goro-ann-takamaki-love-triangle]

Idol Chatter @IdolChatterPod

What’s going on with Akechi Goro and streamer Ren “Joker” Amamiya? We’ve got the scoop. Check out our latest episode now! 🔽

HumFeed News @HumFeezNews

“Detective Prince" Akechi Goro Denies Dating Rumors— But His Ex Boyfriend Says Otherwise!

[jp.humfeed.com/akechi-dating-rumors-ex-boyfriend]

Makoto rallied the troops in true Queen fashion.

Two hours after she’d arrived, she’d already gotten everyone awake, led the cleanup of the living room, sent Ann and Ryuji to pick up food (breakfast for them, lunch for Makoto) and checked on the availability of every other former Phantom Thief. 

Ren hadn’t been given his phone back, but he had requested that they delete all his fleets from his freak out (except for the last one, which he felt was sane enough). 

“You don’t have to do this,” Ren had attempted to tell Makoto while she put together a full schedule of the next day and a half.

She’d fixed him with a withering look.

 “Do you want to cancel the stream?” she asked.

“...No.”

“Can you do this on your own?”

Ren picked at his new nail polish. The truth felt like sandpaper in his throat. 

“No,” he gritted out. When he looked up, her eyes were a little softer.

“You’re always helping everyone else,” Makoto sighed. “Let us return the favor for once.” She turned back to her laptop, her fingers already flying across the keyboard again.

“I sent Haru to make sure Yusuke makes it here on time. They’ll be here in half an hour.”

stan critical thinking @setaunta

I can’t wait for Joker to completely ignore chat during his next stream. ‘who’s Akechi? idk her’

parvati <3 @thatstheparvatea

Just now learning about the Akechi/Joker drama and I’m already WAY too invested

ami plays games❣️ @amenouzume_

I GOT QUOTED IN THE JOKECHI HUMFEED ARTICLE GUYS

☽ nastuki ☾ @archangellll

omg we got a celeb here

akechi goro’s bitch era @lowkeyloki

remember us when you’re famous!!

Akechi Goro HQ 🏳️‍🌈 @GORLHQ

Hi! Mod S here. We’ve been getting a LOT of messages hoping for updates on Akechi-san! Unfortunately, we know as much as you do right now. He hasn’t commented on @jokeren2’s fleets yet (1/2)

Akechi Goro HQ 🏳️‍🌈 @GORLHQ

and he doesn’t have any scheduled appearances in the upcoming weeks (at least none that have been announced to the public). Thank you for your patience, we’ll keep doing our best to keep you updated! (2/2)

michael @goker

the fact that there are actual media outlets reporting on akechi/joker now is so funny. btw i was a goker shipper before it was cool

JOKECHI EXES CONFIRMED @titania33

BESTIE ILY BUT PLEASE STOP CALLING IT GOKER 

friend/rival/enemy/situationship @naganaturals

I thought we agreed on jokechi…

kotoko @byakkotoko

Obsessed with Akechi Goro denying he dated this random streamer + claiming the streamer is straight and dating a supermodel. Honey, we have eyes. There’s photographic evidence.

⭐ hoshiko ⭐ @akechica

the way neither of them have fleeted all day.... I’M LOSING MY FUCKIGN MIND

aiko 💃 @goroswife

All the Joker drama is clearly just manufactured 🙄 Doesn’t anyone else find it suspicious that this all happened right before he has a major stream planned? He’s just a clout chaser.

m e i k o @rakshasassy

L + ratio + yumejoshi

sachi ❀ @narcissussy

PLEASE not all yumes 😭

sara @sarasvatea

Anyone who thinks Joker would do this for “clout” doesn’t know a thing about him. This is a man who had to be harassed into offering sub tiers. We begged for months to get him to start posting to metube. He didn’t reveal that his best friend was a supermodel for literal years.

stan critical thinking @setaunta

And even when we found it, it was because Ann tagged him in a photo! He didn’t tell us anything!

sara @sarasvatea

I forgot about that!!! He’s literally so private normally

Alice 👻🐰 @alicenotinwonderland

if the charity stream is cancelled i will cry i really will

hiroko 🎡@fortunasfavour

NOOOOO THE CRASHOUT FLEETS GOT DELETED

stan critical thinking @setaunta

it’s ok bestie screenshots are forever 🫂

im da joker baby @jokeren2

Mod @NAVII here! Charity stream is happening at 6PM tomorrow— get ready for some fun surprises!

Hiro K @forneuss

“Fun surprises” you say??

Alice 👻🐰 @alicenotinwonderland

NAVII WHAT DOES THIS MEAN. NAVII COME BACK PLEASE

hiroko 🎡@fortunasfavour

they’ve taken his phone away I just know it

Over the course of the next day, the Phantom Thieves came together as if no time had passed. 

Yusuke was assigned to designing custom art for the event and Ann (in addition to prepping Ren’s costume and makeup) was assigned to making sure Yusuke didn’t get too avant-garde with it. Haru and Futaba had Ren’s phone and were handling communications with Mishima and the other mods. Ryuji was making sure everyone was staying hydrated and fed. Even Sumire, who typically couldn’t make it to group hangouts, stopped by to deliver a new camera at Futaba’s request.

“Mayumi told me what happened. Are you sure you’re alright to do this?” Sumire asked gently.

Ren looked at his friends scattered around his living room— all the people who’d cancelled plans and dropped everything to come help him. Morgana and Futaba were arguing over what to order for dinner. Yusuke was trying to convince Ann and Makoto to see his “vision” for the promotional art (Ann looked convinced, Makoto did not). Ryuji and Haru were chatting and putting together a snack platter. 

“Yeah,” Ren said. “I think I’ll be okay.”

Sumire followed his gaze and smiled.

“I think so too!” she chirped. 

Before he knew it, it was time. 

He clicked ‘stream’ and watched the viewer count climb higher and higher and— oh. That was a lot more people than usual. And it looked like they were quickly figuring out that Futaba had banned the words ‘Akechi,’ ‘Goro,’ and ‘Detective’ from chat. They seemed a little mad about it.

“Hey guys,” Ren said. The chat was immediately flooded with hi’ s and hello’ s and demands for answers. 

Might as well get right to business.

“I’ll unban ‘Akechi’ from chat if we raise three million yen. If we raise five million yen, I’ll even answer some of your questions about him.”

Ren wasn’t above exploiting his personal issues for the greater good. Besides, there was no fucking way they were going to raise five million yen. He wasn’t that popular.

Ren really didn’t account for how many new viewers his very public Flitter breakdown would bring in. Everyone loved a bit of internet drama apparently.

The goal for Ren changing into his drag outfit was only two hundred thousand, which they hit in only half an hour. Most of his friends had wished him good luck and gone home hours ago, but Ann was obviously still around. She came in to help with his makeup on camera and chat with the viewers while he changed. He came back in his sexy cop costume (ACAB, but the costume was way too funny to pass up).

They hit three million yen right before the “surprise” celebrity guest was supposed to show up. The chat went wild as Futaba unbanned Akechi’s name from chat. Ren continued to ignore their many inquiring messages, because he hadn’t agreed to answer any questions for another two million. 

Ren heard the doorbell ring. That was probably Risette. Ann was supposed to let her in. After a minute, there was a knock at the door. Ren got up to open it.

And in walked—

“What the fuck?” Ren blurted. 

“Now,” Akechi said, leaning against the doorway with a shit-eating grin, “is that any way to greet an old friend?”

Ren was frozen. Akechi looked him up and down. Smirked.

“And here I thought you opposed the police,” he crooned.

Record scratch. Pause.

Now, here’s the thing.

These past couple of days, Ren had felt like an open wound. It was easier to bear with the balm of his friends around to distract him, but it didn’t change the fact that someone he cared about had publicly trivialized his feelings and claimed there was nothing between them. Now, in this room with just the two of them, he felt like his chest was being split open to leave his heart on display. 

Maybe Ren would have reacted better if Akechi was just doing his old Detective Prince act. Or if he was bitter and maudlin, like he’d been that one January. But Akechi was standing there in his stupid designer clothes, grinning smugly like he knew he’d won already. Like Ren was just going to get down on his knees and suck Akechi’s dick because he’d bothered to show up. 

Akechi was here— in the flesh, finally — and it was to rub Ren’s terrible, embarrassing social media breakdown in his face.

At that moment, Ren felt he knew that Akechi wasn’t here because he wanted to be in Ren’s life. Akechi could have waltzed through Ren’s door any time in the last five years and been met with open arms. But he hadn’t. He waited until now, when Ren was at his lowest. Clearly, Akechi didn’t want Ren except to humiliate him. And, well— maybe there was a part of Ren that was into that, but the rest of him just wanted to punch Akechi in the face.

So he did. 

angel_ass: i love the nail polish

principalily: @angel_ass right??

matadork: ooh was that a knock

naganaturals: omg is it time

titania33: CELEB GUEST TIME

m0thm4n: it’s time!!!!

narcissussy: UMMMMM

THOTh: :shocked-mona: :shocked-mona: :shocked-mona:

matadork: IS THAT AKECHI????? 

lamiaxe: who is that lol

gorldick: HE’S HEEEERE OH MY GOD

angel_ass: DREAMS DO COME TRUE :praise-mona:

pixiiie: CELEB GUEST IS AKECHI????

jackfrostiie: lololol

principalily: I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!!!!

tiredtrumpeter: LMAOOO

☽ nastuki ☾ @archangellll

HE’S HERE

⭐ hoshiko ⭐ @akechica 

if you’re not watching joker’s charity stream get on NOW

Alice 👻🐰 @alicenotinwonderland

akechi is on joker’s stream THIS IS NOT A DRILL I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL

michael @goker

NEVER KILL YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!

joker ACTUALLY said rpf is fine @arii_adne

get fucked jokeranns

thatstheparvatea: ???????

akechica: WTF

byakkotoko: WOAH

fortunasfavour: DID HE JUST

seiyuuu: LMAOOO

inugamer: holy shit joker’s got hands

chatter23: HWO DID THIS ESCALATE SO FAST

jackfrostiie: lololol

ganesheher: what is HAPPENING why are they fighting??

phoenixwrong: :fire-mona: :fire-mona: :fire-mona:

sarasvatea: is that a glove??

SHUKO @POWER69

what the hell??

joker’s (ex)wife @pixiiie

[Screencap of Ren (dressed as a sexy cop) holding Akechi by the collar against a wall with one hand, holding something small and made of leather in his face with the other hand. Ren’s back is to the camera, but Akechi’s bared teeth are visible.]

WTF IS HAPPENING RN

Hiro K @forneuss

Is this staged? What the fuck?

ami plays games❣️ @amenouzume_

[Screencap of Mona blocking most of the camera. An extremely blurry Akechi and Ren are wrestling in the background.]

ARE YALL SEEING THIS??????

kaya kaya! @detectiveprincess

what’s happening right now??? i thought he liked goro-kun :(

m e i k o @rakshasassy

JOKER CHOSE VIOLENCE TODAY!!!!

amenouzume_: MONA STOP BLOCKING THE CAMERA WE CAN’T SEE

tiredtrumpeter: LMAOOOOO

fortunasfavour: nooo why is it muted now??

matadork: MONA WHYYYYYY

setaunta: :distressed-mona: :distressed-mona: :distressed-mona:

hell_biker: i just got back from the bathroom wtf is happening

phoenixwrong: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

titania33: ARE THEY KISSING

rakshasassy: HELP WHY ARE THEY MAKING OUT NOW

dominyan: UNMUTE UNMUTE

setaunta: we officially live in the funniest timeline

Alice 👻🐰 @alicenotinwonderland

[Screencap of Ren and Akechi blurrily making out in the corner of the screen. Most of the screen is blocked by Morgana, who is sitting on Ren’s desk directly in front of the camera.]

I LITERALLY NEVER LOSE

JOKECHI CANON @titania33

this has been the wildest ride of my life holy shit the adrenaline pumping through my body rn is unreal

joker ACTUALLY said rpf is fine @arii_adne

KISS MY ASS NAYSAYERS

☽ nastuki ☾ @archangellll

is this real life??

akechi goro’s bitch era @lowkeyloki

i just wanna say thank you so much, not only to god but to jesus

seiyuuu: LMAOOOO

jackfrostiie: lololol

alicenotinwonderland: I FUCKIGN KNEW IT!!!!!!!

apsarass: MONA STOP BLOCKING THE CAMERA ILL GIVE YOU ALL THE TUNA IN THE WORLD

fortunasfavour: im….. speechless

naganaturals: i can’t believe i was here for this

m0thm4n: LMAOOOO :laughing-mona:

rakshasassy: HISTORY HAS BEEN MADE

jackfrostiie: hello metube!!!!

✨ANGEL✨@angel_ass

NOOOO THE STREAM JUST CUT OFF

ami plays games❣️ @amenouzume_ 

wtf just happened i cant breathe??????

michael @goker

i’m still in shock oh my god

Tsubaki @angeluriel

THIS IS ONE FOR THE FANDOM HISTORY BOOKS

joker’s (ex)wife @pixiiie

so where were you when jokechi went canon

Chapter Text

I was telling the truth when I said that I believed the Phantom Thieves were immoral. I know it sounds absurd now that I’ve revealed the depths of my own crimes, but I truly did believe that their “change of heart” was nothing but brainwashing. 

If one’s heart is sufficiently changed such that a man who could not feel guilt suddenly feels remorse for his actions, is he even the same man? If he is not, can it even be considered punishment? That was my line of reasoning.

Now, I’m not so sure. After all, here I am years later professing my sins with my own mouth (or pen, I suppose). I had no dramatic alteration of self, and yet something has successfully “changed my heart.” Was it my own free will that did this? Or was it someone else’s wish? Either way, the outcome is the same.

- “The Crow Falls at Midnight”, Chapter 17

im da joker baby @jokeren2

thanks for helping us raise 3 million yen for victims of domestic violence 👍

✨ANGEL✨@angel_ass

are you seriously not gonna acknowledge what happened LMAO

m e i k o @rakshasassy

ARE YOU GUYS DATING NOW OR WHAT

stan critical thinking @setaunta

pls was that staged or did yall actually get into an impromptu fistfight/makeout live on stream

“Stay still,” Ren muttered, carefully dabbing Akechi’s busted lip with a cotton ball soaked in alcohol. He had freckles, Ren realized. Had he always had freckles? They were almost too light to see. Akechi probably hid them under makeup most of the time. 

As the thought crossed his mind, he pressed down a little harder than intended. It must have been painful, but Akechi didn’t flinch.

They were in Ren’s bathroom. Ren was seated on a tall kitchen stool, and Akechi on the side of the tub. They were sitting close enough that their knees touched. Ren tossed the cotton ball in the trash.

“Does it look like I’ll need stitches?” Akechi asked. 

Ren touched Akechi’s chin with the tips of his fingers and tilted Akechi’s face up to examine the wound. The swelling wasn’t too bad and the cut itself had stopped bleeding. Part of Ren didn’t want to reopen it; the other part of him wanted to taste Akechi’s blood again. 

“Nah,” Ren said. Akechi wouldn’t be doing any photoshoots any time soon, but it probably wouldn’t even scar (at least, that was Ren’s non-expert opinion). Ren started to pull his hand back to grab the cold compress he’d grabbed from the freezer, but Akechi caught his wrist. He pulled Ren’s hand in front of him and turned it over. 

“You should bandage this,” he muttered, staring at the small cut where Ren’s front knuckle had grazed one of Akechi’s teeth. Ren had washed it out and disinfected it earlier, but it wasn’t bleeding anymore so he’d left it alone.

“Yeah,” Ren tried to say. It came out as a whisper. 

Neither of them moved for a moment. They just sat there, Ren’s hand in Akechi’s. Ren held his breath as Akechi’s thumb moved to brush the cut, pulling at the edge of the wound. It stung.

“Hand me the gauze, will you?” Akechi said, quietly.

Ren nodded. He leaned over to grab it out of the medical kit that lay open on the bathroom floor. Akechi didn’t let go. 

“You should be more careful,” Akechi said, his grip on Ren’s hand tightening ever so slightly. “You seem to be taking your streaming career more seriously as of late. That means your hands are the tools of your trade, are they not?”

Something swooped in Ren's stomach. So Akechi had noticed the change in Ren's streaming. He felt— something. Annoyance, maybe.

“Isn’t your face yours?” Ren shot back. 

Akechi shrugged. He let go of Ren’s hand to take the gauze and scissors from him. Immediately, Ren wanted it back.

“I don’t mind taking a break from public appearances for a few weeks,” Akechi admitted, cutting the gauze to the desired length. 

“Gives you more time to work on your next book,” Ren guessed. At this, Akechi startled.

“How did you–?” His eyes narrowed. “I haven’t announced that.”

Ren shrugged.

“Just a hunch.”

As if Akechi would ever be content posing for sparkling water ads, so soon after he’d gotten a taste of being taken seriously. Ren had figured from the start that modeling was just paying the bills.

“...I see,” Akechi stared down the bathroom tile. Then he laughed— a bitter, sardonic chuckle. 

“I haven’t even told my literary agent yet. No one else knows that I’m working on something new. Frankly, I don’t think anyone is expecting it from me. But I suppose, even after all these years, you’re still the one who knows me best.” 

Ren didn’t know what to say to that. Without looking up, Akechi motioned for Ren’s hand again. He gave it. 

Akechi started wrapping the gauze around Ren’s knuckles. Neither of them said anything for a moment.

“I suppose we should talk,” Akechi said. Ren tensed up slightly, then forced himself to relax. He hummed noncommittally. 

Akechi finished wrapping Ren’s hand and tied it off. He let go. Ren flexed his hand, testing the tightness of the bandage. Akechi sighed, frustrated.

“Look, I—” he cut himself off. Took a breath. Ren said nothing. He ept staring at his bandaged hand, which Akechi had been holding just moments ago.

“...Let’s make a deal,” Akechi said. “For old times’ sake.”

Ren looked up at him. Akechi smiled slightly as he met his eyes. It was a sharp and crooked thing. It made Ren ache.

“We’ll take turns asking questions. And we’ll both do our best to answer,” Akechi continued. 

Ren considered for a moment.

“I’ll start,” Ren said. 

“I’m amenable to those terms,” Akechi responded.

Rather than confronting the elephant in the room, Ren decided to ease into things. 

“Whose idea was this? And what happened to Risette?” 

Risette never showed up, so clearly Akechi’s appearance had been planned by one (or several) of the Thieves. Probably not all of them, since there was no way Ryuji could have kept a secret like this from him. But at the very least, Ann had to have known since she had both let Akechi into the apartment and made herself scarce immediately afterwards. Morgana had soon followed, disappearing into Ann’s room almost immediately after the stream had cut off, with a disdainful, “We can clean this mess up tomorrow. You two should talk.”

“That’s more than one question,” Akechi huffed, “but I suppose I’ll answer anyway, as a show of good faith.” 

Ah, Ren had missed his pedantry.

“Sakura-san contacted me yesterday,” Akechi said. 

Well. That hadn’t been what Ren was expecting. 

“I believe only she and Takamaki-san were actively involved in the plot, although from Morgana’s reaction, it wouldn't surprise me if he was given advance notice as well. As for Risette, she apparently thought the idea was…” Akechi pulled a face. “...Cute.” 

Ren opened his mouth to ask another follow-up question, but Akechi cut him off.

“It’s my turn now, I believe.”

Ren braced himself for a question he wouldn’t want to answer. But it seemed Akechi didn’t want to get right into things either.

“...Why do you have a fully-stocked medical kit in your bathroom?” Akechi asked, unable to keep a frown off his face. That startled a small laugh out of Ren. “I was under the impression that your juvenile delinquent days were over. Are you getting into fights that frequently these days?” 

“Just in case,” Ren said blithely. 

“You could outfit a military unit with a kit of this size,” Akechi said, looking disdainfully at the enormous medical kit on the floor. Alright, maybe it was a little overkill, but it didn’t hurt to be prepared.

“Old habits die hard,” Ren shrugged.

Akechi softened a little at that. 

“Right,” he muttered. “You always handled all the supplies for your little band of thieves.” As if he hadn’t once been one of that ‘little band of thieves’ — if not during Sae’s palace, than certainly during Maruki’s. 

“How’d Futaba get your number?” Ren asked, desperate to escape that line of thinking. He immediately realized what a dumb question it was. Futaba could have anyone’s number if she wanted. But Akechi surprised him again.

“My agent gave it to her months ago. I reached out to her before the publication of The Crow Falls .” 

The surprise must have shown on Ren’s face.

“She didn’t tell you, I take it,” Akechi said. 

“No,” Ren croaked. 

“Alright then. Why did you hit me?” Akechi asked, clearly trying to change the subject. He probably didn’t want to get into what he and Futaba had talked about, if they had talked at all. 

It worked. Ren felt the hurt and anger from five years of being ignored surge in him again.

“Why did you show up?” he challenged back.

“You answer my questions and I’ll answer yours. You agreed,” Akechi said pointedly.

“Fine. I was angry. Why did you agree to come?” Ren repeated.

“Why do you think?” Akechi let out another one of those bitter little laughs. Now who wasn’t answering questions? Hypocrite. Ren felt his heart rate increase, the blood rushing in his veins. 

“Just to rub it in my face?” he spat. “To humiliate me?”

“What? No, I—” Akechi looked genuinely shocked. Like he really hadn’t considered Ren might be feeling this way. 

“If anything, it was more humiliating for me, wasn’t it? I was the one caught by a—” Akechi grimaced, “—a social media dating rumor.”

That stopped Ren in his tracks. He thought about it for a moment. Honestly… he kind of agreed. Akechi had fallen for a Flitter conspiracy theory. Ren felt his anger subside slightly as the pieces began to click together. That’s why Akechi had come in so cockily; it was a defense mechanism. He was embarrassed.

Akechi coughed and Ren turned his attention back to the man in front of him. Akechi’s cheeks had a slight pink tint to it.

“To answer your question, I agreed to come on to your charity stream as a… a gesture, I suppose,” Akechi said, not making eye contact. A gesture of what, he didn’t elaborate on. But Ren could guess.

Ren took a moment to collect his thoughts, letting Akechi squirm a bit.

“Okay,” Ren said eventually.

“Okay?” Akechi spluttered. “That’s all you have to say?!” 

“I can’t believe you thought I was dating Ann,” Ren said, choosing to ignore Akechi’s indignation.

“It– it seemed like a credible theory at the time!” Akechi insisted. Ren snorted at that. He had never heard Akechi stutter this much before today. He took a little bit of sadistic pleasure in it.

“I’m obsessed with you,” Ren informed him, matter-of-factly. This shouldn’t have been new information, but it was kind of fun to watch Akechi go red at hearing it directly from Ren. 

“I can see that,” Akechi huffed. And— ah, there it was. The hurt bubbled up in Ren’s throat again again.

“Then why the fuck didn’t you call me?” he said, unable to keep the vitriol out of his voice. He barely remembered to keep his volume down, his voice echoing slightly off the bathroom tiles.

“Sakura-san informed me that you’d known about my whereabouts the entire time,” Akechi fired back. “Why didn’t you reach out to me?”

“That’s different. You know it’s different.” Ren’s voice shook slightly. 

“I’m not sure I do, actually. Care to elaborate?” 

“Fuck you,” he snapped.

And then there was silence again. Neither of them wanted to speak. Neither of them wanted to leave.

Akechi spoke up again.

“For the first couple of years, I was too humiliated. I didn’t expect to live, and when I did… I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was a mess. I didn’t want you to see me like that. If we ever met again, I wanted it to be as equals. And then…” he trailed off.

“You started watching me stream.”

Akechi pursed his lips but didn't say anything. That was fine. Ren had waited this long. He could wait a little longer.

“...Fine, yes, I have watched your streams on occasion. They helped when I…” Akechi grit his teeth, “I missed you.” 

You didn’t have to miss me, Ren wanted to say, but he figured he'd provoked Akechi enough (for now). Akechi seemed to hear it anyway. He took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly.

“...Are you box breathing?” Ren asked.

“Shut up.” 

Ren obeyed. Akechi kept breathing.

Akechi let out a final exhale.

“I am aware that social media is not an accurate reflection of one’s life. More aware than most people, I would wager. But watching you stream, I received the impression that you were… happy. Everything had worked out for you. I knew you felt something for me at one point. But that was in the past. Speaking from personal experience, the things want at seventeen aren’t always the things you want as an adult. I didn’t want to encroach on whatever happy ending you had found by reopening old wounds.”

Ren sat for a moment to process Akechi’s words. It was kind of stupid but… wasn’t that what Ren had been doing too? Watching Akechi’s seemingly happy life from afar, not reaching out for fear that he wasn’t wanted anymore? 

Ren exhaled.

“You’re an idiot.”

Akechi laughed.

“I said I had a crush on you. Publicly.”

“Yes, and then you immediately played it off as a joke.”

…Yeah, alright. That was true.

“I’m still really mad at you,” Ren informed him.

“I am well aware,” Akechi grumbled. 

Ren took Akechi’s hand.

“Stay the night?” he asked. “We can talk more tomorrow.”

“...Okay.”

TATI @titania33

it’s been a full week and they haven’t said anything im gonna lose it

Mana @ganesheher

@jokeren2 @PhanMod when are new subs going to get access to the joker server?

M. Yuuki @PhanMod

Sorry, but we’ve temporarily locked down the server until things calm down. It’ll be open again soon!

hiroko 🎡@fortunasfavour

joker and akechi’s socials have been down for 168 hours now…. come back……

Alice 👻🐰 @alicenotinwonderland

i miss joker

aiko 💃 @goroswife

I can’t believe so many Akechi’s Angels/Gorls are siding with the toxic-streamer-that-shall-not-be-named shippers after the live on-camera ASSAULT we witnessed. This is clearly an abusive situation and we should be taking it seriously!

mayumi 🫶🏳️‍🌈 @gorldick

who is “we”. if akechi has a fight kink i support him

⭐ hoshiko ⭐ @akechica

I hate to break this to you but he seemed into it

michael @goker

did you miss the part like 5 seconds later where they were making out

joker ACTUALLY said rpf is fine @arii_adne

[Quote fleet of @gorowife’s fleet]

i know this is gonna sound hypocritical coming from me but it’s wild how much people will speculate about people they don’t know anything about 

im da joker baby @jokeren2

ikr

joker ACTUALLY said rpf is fine @arii_adne

hey wait a second

Reiko 🌸 @principalily_art

AHFHSHEHDHD SJDHD HELLO?????????

ami plays games❣️ @amenouzume_

THIS is how you announce you're back????

im da joker baby @jokeren2

streaming overcooked 2 at 5pm today :)

“Hey,” Ren said, sneaking up behind Akechi and wrapping his arms around him. Akechi flinched a bit, then relaxed into him. Adjusting to frequent physical touch was a steep learning curve, but Akechi had stubbornly refused when Ren offered to back off a little. 

Ren hooked his chin over Akechi’s shoulder and looked down at Akechi’s phone.

“So do you only follow fans of us, @feather_karasu?”

“...I like to know what people are saying,” Akechi muttered. Ren smiled. He knew Akechi didn’t have a healthy relationship with social media. 

“Seems like a lot of people missed us,” Ren said with a little smirk. “Are you ready for the stream?”

“Hey chat. Today my boyfriend and I are gonna be streaming Overcooked 2. Just warning you guys in advance, he might get frustrated and start trying to kill me or something.”

“I think I can handle a simple video game,” Akechi snorted. 

“Sure, honey.”

alicenotinwonderland: HONEY?????

forneuss: so are yall official

goker: ummm BOYFIREND??? 

jackfrostiie: lololol

inugamer: are you seriously not gonna acknowledge the last stream LMAO

fortunasfavour: I can’t believe we got to watch you guys get together live….

“Actually, we’ve been together for over five years. Technically,” Ren said, just to annoy Akechi. His boyfriend. Hah. Nice.

“That is not in any way true.”

“We didn’t really break up the first time.”

“I think ghosting you for five years counts as ‘breaking up.’”

“Oh, so you admit we were together?”

“Shut up. Let’s play the stupid game.”