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to be known the way you should (is to put yourself through hell) by nightsonneptune
Fandoms: 9-1-1 (TV)
24 Oct 2025
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As Buck sleeps, Eddie stays brushing his hands through Buck's curls, over the slope of his nose, over his pale face. He doesn't want to let Buck go ever again. He doesn't think he can.
He mindlessly brushes his thumb over the spot. Once above Buck's left eyebrow, once on the corner of his eye. So gently. He does it again.
With the amount of blood he lost, the usual redness of Buck's lips and the birthmark are both faded, nearly indistinguishable from the surrounding pale skin. It takes Eddie three brushes of his thumb for the realization to kick in.
His breath hitches. He freezes.
…
God, Eddie's been tracing Buck's birthmark on all of his girlfriends' faces for the past seven years.
or
3 times Eddie kisses his girlfriends exactly where Buck's birthmark is, and 1 time he kisses Buck.
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Join Bareback Rider Rodeo Cowboy Eddie as he falls in love with city boy Buck.
When Buck moves into a ranch in Cody, Wyoming, to help his pregnant sister Maddie, he meets the openly gay catholic cowboy Eddie Diaz and immediately makes his way into his life. Follow Eddie’s story as he surrounds himself with the noise he’s been longing for his entire life. Eddie goes on to discover how to be his true self. Allowing himself to just want something with no guilty aftertaste for the first time in his life, Evan Buckley.Or where Maddie has been living with Eddie during her pregnancy in his 40 acre ranch. Eddie is a bareback rider and Buck is a born and raised New Yorker obsessed with matcha and- well now Eddie Diaz. What can go wrong?
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Just read it
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Eddie hates Texas and misses home. He also accepts a 2 AM Lyft request from Freddie Fakeman.
___
Just a little fic post 08x13 about Buck surprising Eddie in Texas.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,544
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 16
- Kudos:
- 1,045
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- 160
- Hits:
- 6,601
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When Eddie turns six, his sister is born.
When Eddie is newly thirteen, he has a birthday party.
When Eddie is sixteen, he watches both of his sisters present in the same year.
When Eddie is eighteen, he spends a summer at the lake.
When Eddie is twenty three, Shannon leaves.
When Eddie is twenty six, he has a fight with his parents.
When Eddie is twenty seven, he becomes a firefighter.
When Eddie is thirty three, he realizes he’s gay.
In that order.
AKA: Glimpses of Eddie Diaz's life through the years as he grows up, presents, moves to LA, and comes to terms with who he is.
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The hysterical laughter stole every coherent thought from Buck and crawled into his bones; his heart thudded and he stared at the doll in disbelief. Then, as suddenly as it had started, the laughter stopped; leaving an eerie silence. Buck stood frozen, his thoughts like thick mud, staring at that stupid doll.
He completely missed the huge hole in the wall above the tub. He missed the shadow standing there, watching him from behind the hole with cold eyes and a malicious smile.-
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Before he was legally allowed to drink, Eddie looked out the passenger side window of his dad’s truck, and in the dusty, barren nothing of the Texan landscape, he saw his entire life written out for him in someone else’s handwriting.
Eleven years later, walking out of an emergency meeting at Christopher’s school over his son’s recent “behaviour”, Eddie thinks of the view out of his dad’s truck.
And when Buck asks, “So? What happened?”
Eddie lies.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,899
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 157
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- 2,152
- Bookmarks:
- 466
- Hits:
- 18,489
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r/gay
u/firedad • 1h agoI (M33, Straight) Just Accidentally Discovered That My Best Friend (M33, Bisexual) of 7 Years is In Love With Me. By stalking his Grindr... What do I do?
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Or, Buck runs from his feelings realization by dating, and Eddie's jealousy leads him down a path of self-discovery.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,927
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Comments:
- 136
- Kudos:
- 1,562
- Bookmarks:
- 263
- Hits:
- 17,552
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Eddie never let himself say the words. Not when he was fourteen. Not when he met Buck. Not even when love began to feel like home. He spent a lifetime pretending he didn’t feel what he felt, didn’t want what he wanted.
But when years of buried trauma finally unravel and the silence breaks, Eddie is forced to face the truths he’s long avoided.
This time, though, he’s not alone. Buck is there to hold him, to listen, to stay. And maybe, just maybe, to be the reason Eddie finally lets go of the guilt and begins to live, and love, without shame.
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IN THE QUIET, I FOUND YOU
BY; MOONLITLULLABY
COMPLETED
ONE SHOT -
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Great!
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He felt like background noise. That’s what he kept coming back to. Always there. Always steady but easy to forget.
He was the hum of the fan in the room. The soft static people put on when they were trying to sleep. The thing you didn’t need, not really, but you got used to it. Found it comforting in a way you couldn’t quite explain.
Edmundo Diaz: white noise.
Comforting, reliable, forgettable.---
OR: Eddie’s always felt like background noise, but after Buck does something for him, he starts to realize maybe he’s meant for more - and maybe that “more” has been Buck all along. (set after 8x09 "Sob Stories")- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,349
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 2
- Kudos:
- 88
- Bookmarks:
- 8
- Hits:
- 720
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Buck hasn't slept in days.
When he thinks about it, he probably hasn't really slept in weeks. It's fine, though. He's fine.
***
It's been months since Buck and Maddie were kidnapped, so he should be better, right? It doesn't help that Eddie is still in Texas, and seems to be building a life without him.
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Chris gets up and goes over to his desk. Finds a pen and paper. Time loop ideas, he writes at the top.
Abuela knocks on the door.
“Chris, honey-" She says.
“My dad is here, I don’t want to see him, he's selling the house, I hate him, I wish he was dead, and if you try to make me talk to him, I’ll punch a wall and break my hand,” Chris says.
On the other side of the door, Abuela is quiet.
Chris goes back to his list.-
Chris’s dad moves to Texas. Again, and again, and again, and again.
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Whatever Tommy said in that interaction seemed to make Buck feel small, and Eddie loathed people who made Buck feel small.
"I just. I talked to Maddie about it already, so I'm not like, shutting people out I just..." Buck shook his head. "It's hard to explain."
Eddie gnawed at the corner of his lip. "Even to me?” he thought selfishly.
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Or, things begin to fall into place for Buck and Eddie once the Diazes are back in Los Angeles for good.
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Bookmark Notes:
Ch. 19
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“This is about you, and the fact that you’re following her not because you love her, or even because you think she should be in Christopher’s life. No, you’re following her because you are hiding behind this stupid fucking teenage marriage that neither of you wanted in the first place. You’re following her because you refuse to accept that it is never going to work out, because if you do, then you’ll have to acknowledge why.”
“What the fuck are you trying to say, Sophia,” Eddie gritted out through his teeth, voice low and shaking with some combination of rage and the same, bone deep terror that he’d felt every day since he was sixteen, or ten, or eight, whenever it was when he first realised that there was something inherently broken about him.
Sophia’s eyes hardened, her tone dropping to match his: cold, hard. Furious. Scared. “You know exactly what I’m saying, Eddie.”
—
Eddie and Sophia at a number of turning points throughout Eddie's life. Eddie can't stop running from himself. Sophia desperately tries to help. Things fall apart.
Because you can shout as loud as you want, but if someone doesn't want to listen, they'll stick their fingers in their ears and start singing.
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Eddie's never been much of a dreamer.
When he was a boy, he'd been too preoccupied changing his sisters' nappies and teaching them the ABCs. His shelves carried his ballroom dancing trophies, but he never took the competitions seriously enough to consider dance a career path. His eventual high school baseball ambition, too, was short-lived, with a baby on the horizon.
But maybe it wasn't so much that Eddie had little time to dream, but that his dreams were those of his parents and the Church. He didn't bother making any of his own, happy to follow the advice of those who seemingly knew better what to make of his life.
But now, with his recent realizations at the forefront of his mind, Eddie's learning to dream — writing his own version of a life grander than it is now.
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OR As Buck and Eddie settle into sharing a house in a post-Bobby world, Buck notices that something's up with Eddie.-
Bookmark Notes:
What am I supposed to do without you? How shall I breathe without us sharing the same air? How am I meant to love another ghost, when I can hardly handle loving the first one?
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One thing that eighteen-year-old and thirty-four-year-old Eddie have in common?
Yearning after someone he thinks he can’t have.
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OR Eddie makes the trip from El Paso back to Los Angeles in a moving van he came in, reminiscing about his teenage years one mile at a time.-
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"Want to tell me what happened?"
Eddie doesn't. In fact, he can't think of anything he'd want less. Yet, there's something in her voice that soothes, just a little, the inferno and eases the anguish. He exhales.
"I just got angry. I'm not sure why. He didn't do anything wrong." Eddie is a monstrous creature baring its teeth. A shapeless shadow made from broken bones and despair. He's barely human. He's a child dressed in his father's too big clothes choking on his own words. "I don't know what's wrong with me."
Maddie hums thoughtfully, understandingly, "it happens sometimes. We all have bad days, Buck understands that. I'm sure it'll be all forgiven by tomorrow"
A guttural groan claws its way out of him. Maddie takes it for the what if it isn't that it means.
"Come on, you're Buck-and-Eddie! Nothing could ever pull you guys apart."
OR; Eddie breaks a glass and Buck fixes it: an exploration of Eddie's struggles with anger, joy, and himself.
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Eddie slams his weight down. He can’t look his girlfriend in the eyes because— yes she’s a nun, but he’s been thinking about fucking his best friend instead of her.
“The problem is I can’t look at her without wanting to do this—“ He completes the motions of the Sign of the Cross, “Instead of… Other things,” Namely, he wants the man in front of him to hold him against the mattress. He wants to feel the flex of Buck’s biceps as he holds Eddie against the wall. He wants to rip open the buttons on those tight shirts Buck wears. Or maybe he wants to get on his knees for Buck and mouth at the bulge in his pants. “In fact, I haven’t been able to, uh, y’know… since I found out.”
Buck smiles and wags his finger over Eddie’s sweaty form, “Which is why you’re so pent up.”
——
Or, a rewrite of the gym scene in which Eddie is “pent up” not only because his girlfriend is a nun, but also because of some recent subconscious revelations about a blonde firefighter.
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Buck and Eddie realize that they love each other. They are a culmination of their past, weaving together til the moment they realize that their future is each other.
Buck thinks it could never happen, and he is okay with that as long as Eddie is still in his life.
Eddie realizes how much he has hidden— even from himself. He just needs to overcome his fear to tell Buck how he feels.
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- Words:
- 57,686
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 124
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“Was the psychiatrist nice? Did you two click?”
“He wasn’t…awful? A normal dude,” Eddie replies.
Buck lets out a disembodied grunt.
“Oh, I’m so sorry this isn’t more exciting for you,” he carries on, playfully rolling his eyes. “Did you want the journey to my mental wellbeing to be one of those cheesy dramas you like so much? Because I assure you, Buck, real-life therapy isn’t all that mind-blowing.”
“How do you know? You’ve never given it a proper chance,” Buck argues. “I’ll be patiently— Impatiently waiting for the day you come out of a session as a new man, desperate to tell me all about what you learned.”
“Good luck with that,” Eddie fires back.
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OR Eddie fixes things with Christopher, goes to a day rehab, and gets himself a hot firefighter boyfriend. Not necessarily in that order.