everyone share a single brain cell
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Caranthir's List of Grievances by Hymiskvith
Fandoms: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
28 Sep 2025
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Summary
Forget the songs of heroes. This is the real story of the Elves, as told by Caranthir, the only Noldo with a functioning brain cell and a ledger. While everyone else was busy making magic jewels, swearing dramatic oaths and charging Balrogs for fun, Caranthir was in the back muttering, "I told you so."
Watch him roast his family for their glorified suicides, facepalm as his brothers kidnap princesses and deliver a blistering post-mortem commentary from the Halls of Mandos. From the creation of the Silmarils ("You don’t just slam the door on a Vala!") to the fall of Sauron ("After all that… it was an accident?"), this is the ultimate tale of family dysfunction, catastrophic leadership and one grumpy elf who was right about everything. History's greatest tragedies have never been so hilariously frustrating.