Chapter Text
---Friday, March 2nd, 5:12am---
ouma wa mou shindeiru: on kiyo’s birthday
ouma wa mou shindeiru: he receives no gifts
ouma wa mou shindeiru: no congrats
ouma wa mou shindeiru: nothing
ouma wa mou shindeiru: he is empty
ouma wa mou shindeiru: life is empty
ouma wa mou shindeiru: nothing
ouma wa mou shindeiru: EXCEPT
ouma wa mou shindeiru: for one thing
vorekiyo shingucci: …whats going on
vorekiyo shingucci: its not even close to my birthday
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: im so confused
ouma wa mou shindeiru: shut up and let me finish
agar.io is basically just a vore orgy: …wrow
ouma wa mou shindeiru: he receives one thing
ouma wa mou shindeiru: a single birthday card
ouma wa mou shindeiru: the card says
ouma wa mou shindeiru: the card says
ouma wa mou shindeiru: the card
ouma wa mou shindeiru: says
ouma wa mou shindeiru: h
ouma wa mou shindeiru: happy birthd
ouma wa mou shindeiru: happy birthda
nyehh :3: ,,,,you okay dude
agar.io is basically just a vore orgy: bokichi ama havigb a stronk call th bondulance
holy fuck its sans undertale: im horrified
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: babe are you okay??
ouma wa mou shindeiru: happy birthday y
ouma wa mou shindeiru: happy birthday you’re one in a minion
vorekiyo shingucci: mother
vorekiyo shingucci: F U C K ER
kaegay: AHAHHAHHAHSHHHSHSHAHHSAHSHASHHDHHSHH
freeshavacadoo: IM FCFUCKIENGE SWGYRSWWWY
agar.io is basically just a vore orgy: IMMMS CSREECHNINGAG
holy fuck its sans undertale: thanks! i hate it
ass ass in: great! how do i uninstall
naruto is my senpai: wow what a totally original and funny joke that’s not getting boring at all well done author
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK
vorekiyo shingucci: kokichi what the FUCK
ouma wa mou shindeiru: shrugging emoji
holy fuck its sans undertale: did you seri ou sly just type shrugging emoji
freeshavacadoo: yall ready for a serious mindfuck
agar.io is basically just a vore orgy: …im listening
ass ass in: im not.
freeshavacadoo: okay soo
freeshavacadoo: the word minion
freeshavacadoo: what does minion rhyme with??
freeshavacadoo: ONION
freeshavacadoo: yknow what movie onions are mentioned in
freeshavacadoo: that’s right, our favourite ogre daddy SHREK
i want a stronk woman to kill me in my sleep: i will pay you to never speak ever again rantaro
freeshavacadoo: NO LISTEn
freeshavacadoo: YKNOW WHAT THIS MEANS???
freeshavacadoo: the despicable me movies take place in the same universe as the shrek movies!!!
naruto is my senpai: ….huh????
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: WHAT IN NO CORRELATION???
ouma wa mou shindeiru: but rantaro,,,
ouma wa mou shindeiru: onions,,,
ouma wa mou shindeiru: exist in the real world too
freeshavacadoo: that’s where this square pizza of mystery comes full circle my friend
ass ass in: what
naruto is my senpai: the earth is flat you fucking moron
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: hm. i don’t trust like that
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: that makes no sense??????
freeshavacadoo: and so,,, the conclusion is
freeshavacadoo: if despicable me, shrek and us all exist in the same world,,,
freeshavacadoo: then it would be possible for kiyo to have a threesome with both a minion and shrek
freeshavacadoo: thanks for coming to my ted talk alexa send tweet
vorekiyo shingucci: h
vorekiyo shingucci: ill kill you in real fucking life amami
naruto is my senpai: hey do you take constructive criticism
freeshavacadoo: no
naruto is my senpai: too bad cause this fucking sucks
ouma wa mou shindeiru: wow! kiyo’s birthday wish came true!
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: can i ask why?? why you’re doing this??
ouma wa mou shindeiru: cant i just do things cuz i feel like it?
nyehh :3: okay uhh that’s fair i guess
nyehh :3: but why not wait until kiyo’s birthday?
ouma wa mou shindeiru: idk
ouma wa mou shindeiru: i didn’t feel like w
ouma wa mou shindeiru went offline
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: ???
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: kokichi??
i want a stronk woman to kill me in my sleep: holy FUCK he just died
ass ass in: perish
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: KIYO WAIT
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu went offline
yaint goin tuh heaven: …i think kiyo’s in kokichi’s room
agar.io is basically just a vore orgy: oh FUCK
freeshavacadoo: brb im gonna go tell that man not to kill kokichi
freeshavacadoo: fuckFUCK KIYOS COMING AFTER M
freeshavacadoo went offline
ass ass in: there goes another target
naruto is my senpai: uh
naruto is my senpai: i guess we’ll… reconvene later???
---Saturday, March 3rd, 4:53pm---
naruto is my senpai: MOMOTA
naruto is my senpai: BICHHHHH
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: WWWWHHHHAAAAA
naruto is my senpai: VOLTRON SEASON 5 IS OUTT
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: I KNOEWWWWWWW
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: I WATCHED IT ALL
naruto is my senpai: ME TOO!!!!!
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
naruto is my senpai: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: are we just… gonna forget how kiyo almost killed kokichi and rantaro
ass ass in: yes
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: wow
i want a stronk woman to kill me in my sleep: angie duct taped him to the wall to prevent him from killing them, what more do you want??
holy fuck its sans undertale: yeah taped to MY wall
holy fuck its sans undertale: he scared the fucking shit out of me
holy fuck its sans undertale: i had just come back from my lab and i enter my dark room and hear “greetings”
nyehh :3: id never heard you scream so loud it was the FUNNIEST THING
yaint goin tuh heaven: yeah i had no idea your voice was capable of going that high
holy fuck its sans undertale: NOT TO MENTION
holy fuck its sans undertale: WHEN YOU RIPPED HIM OFF THE WALL A SHIT TON OF PAINT GOT CAME OFF
yaint goin tuh heaven: ill paint it again! :D
agar.io is basically just a vore orgy: ang ill give you 20 bucks to paint an enormous dick
holy fuck its sans undertale: hmm. no thanks id rather have kiyo taped permanently to my wall
yaint goin tuh heaven: miu i love you but im not doing that
agar.io is basically just a vore orgy: damn betrayed by love :II
nyehh :3: tsumugi and kaito went silent all of a sudden??
naruto is my senpai: ah dw he’s in my room we’re talking about the new vld season
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: yeh man and damn
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: lotor a snack
naruto is my senpai: HTDRAJYTRWDACFDRQTYUIjkhr
ass ass in: i. don’t know what you’re talking about
ouma wa mou shindeiru: I RETURN
freeshavacadoo: as do I!!!!
yaint goin tuh heaven: oh no
vorekiyo shingucci: hmmph
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: kiyo please don’t
vorekiyo shingucci: no promises
ouma wa mou shindeiru: hhhhhh im bored
ass ass in: hhhhhhhhh no one cares
ouma wa mou shindeiru: 3:
ouma wa mou shindeiru: h-hewwO?
i want a stronk woman to kill me in my sleep: no!!! FUCK!!!
ouma wa mou shindeiru: shu-shuwichi? shuwichi awe youw thewe? :3
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: don’t start with this.
ouma wa mou shindeiru: p-pwease don’t huwt me! iw do anything! D:
holy fuck its sans undertale: time to slam by body into the ground at 80mph
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: anything?
ouma wa mou shindeiru: anything fow you mwister shuwichi :3
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: t̷͙ͨ͒ͧͯ̉̽͡H͕̱̆́È̄̽̒͆҉͍̥͚̫̤͕͓N͓̺̺̱̖̲̟̫ͯ̔ͦ͌̽͛͛ ̴̰̭̭̓̈̄̏̄ͣ͘ͅP̶͖̝̮̈́̒̀E̡̼̗̦̝͖ͩ́͝Ȑ̢̡̫͊͘Į̶̪̬̠̤̅͋̓̈͆̿S̵̄ͦ҉̺̤̰̙͍̞̘̫͚H̩̩ͧ̔ͣ̌
agar.io is basically just a vore orgy: GFDYUJHGFDERTYUJHGFDE
ass ass in: YEHEHEAAAAAAAA
freeshavacadoo: IM FDRTUIJKHGFDERTUIJHGFDEW
ouma wa mou shindeiru: wow thanks shu
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: no problem
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: are we gonna do anything???
nyehh :3: how about we just have a normal, civil, discussion?
i want a stronk woman to kill me in my sleep: GREAT IDEA HIMIKO!!!!
instructions unclear, got my dick stuck in a toaster: kaito i thought you were with tsumugi?
ouma wa mou shindeiru: ooooooh keeboys here
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: oh we finished talking, we had a disagreement
naruto is my senpai: :II
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: disagreement?
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: yeah it was dumb
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: its cause i ship lotura and she doesn’t
naruto is my senpai: ITS TERRIBLE
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: LISTEN
naruto is my senpai: HES GONNA BETRAY THEM
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: NO HE WONTTTTTT
naruto is my senpai: OI
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: SHUT UP YOU PROBABLY SHIP LANCELOT
naruto is my senpai: HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!!!
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: well at least we can both agree on one thing
naruto is my senpai: oh?
naruto is my senpai: whats that?
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: krolia is hot as fuck
naruto is my senpai: OHHHHHHH DEFINETALY
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: like?? both lotor and krolia in one season??? my bi ass can’t handle it
naruto is my senpai: don’t forget shiro this season!!!
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: …. i think you mean ““““shiro””””
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: also fake ass bih kuron ugly as fuck
naruto is my senpai: wHAT
ass ass in: i have zero clue what they might be talking about. someone stop them before they kill each other
nyehh :3: …what happened to civil discussion?
freeshavacadoo: SHES RIGHT!!!!!!
freeshavacadoo: so uh. seen any good movies recently
yaint goin tuh heaven: COCO!
agar.io is basically just a vore orgy: YESSSSSSS
nyehh :3: AGREE AGREE AGREE
yaint goin tuh heaven: it was so aesthetically pleasing as an artist i was YELLING
nyehh :3: i think i cried, like, 15 times
freeshavacadoo: what about blank panther? :o
ouma wa mou shindeiru: HOLY FUCK IT WAS SO GOOD
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: YESYESYYYESSS
naruto is my senpai: I NEVER CARED FOR SUPERHERO MOVIES BUT I LOVED IT SOOO MUCHH
yaint goin tuh heaven: now,,,, how about,,,,
yaint goin tuh heaven: “love, simon”
i want a stronk woman to kill me in my sleep: LISTEN
i want a stronk woman to kill me in my sleep: i don’t care what ANY OF YALL say, we are GOING TO SEE IT WHEN IT COMES OUT
nyehh :3: ABSOLUTELY
freeshavacadoo: YES
freeshavacadoo: IVE BEEN WAITING FOR AGES FOR A MOVIE ABOUT A GAY CHARACTER THAT DOESN’T INVOLVE THE CHARACTER DYING OR SUFFERING TOO MUCH
freeshavacadoo: also,,, on the topic of gay films,,,
freeshavacadoo: what do you guys think of,,, bleh
freeshavacadoo: c*** m* b* y*** n***
ouma wa mou shindeiru: D I E
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: NO NONONONONONONONONONO
vorekiyo shingucci: ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: GET!!! THAT!!!! SHIT!!!! OUT!!!!!
i want a stronk woman to kill me in my sleep: FUCKING DIE!!!!!
freeshavacadoo: alright, topic change!!! none of this gross shit in this chat
freeshavacadoo: played any good games recently?
naruto is my senpai: zoomba breast of the weeb
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: zebra best of the ween
agar.io is basically just a vore orgy: zinnia death of the child
ouma wa mou shindeiru: zosmmsbaiua brrth of t willgdgsihxwxhu
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: …im assuming you mean the legend of zelda breath of the wild?
ouma wa mou shindeiru: yep!!!
ouma wa mou shindeiru: my fav character is Zelda. the little green man :)
freeshavacadoo: …but that’s….
vorekiyo shingucci: his name is LINK
naruto is my senpai: a loud crash is heard. chiaki smashes through the window. she kills kokichi on sight
yaint goin tuh heaven: perfect!!!
i want a stronk woman to kill me in my sleep: delicious, finally some good fucking food
ouma wa mou shindeiru: JFC IT WAS A JOKE
ouma wa mou shindeiru: well whatever
ouma wa mou shindeiru: this is getting BORING
ouma wa mou shindeiru: i wish something exciting would happen :I
whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: don’t say that you’ll summon it
ass ass in: …i don’t like this feeling
kaegay is online
kaegay: WHICH ONE OF YOU
kaegay: ABSOLUTE
kaegay: D I C K T W I T C H E S
kaegay: HAVE FUCKED UP A G A I N
ass ass in: whoop there it is
instructions unclear, got my dick stuck in a toaster: kaede, are you okay?
kaegay: NO IM NOT FUCKING OK
vorekiyo shingucci: has something happened?
ouma wa mou shindeiru: im scared, is everything okay? D:
kaegay: DON’T ACT FUCKING SURPRISED YOU BITCH
kaegay: I FUCKING KNOW IT WAS YOU THAT SNUCK ADD MEDICATION INTO KIRUMI’S TEA
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: W H S A T
holy fuck its sans undertale: wait…. WAIT
nyehh :3: ill explain
nyehh :3: we all know kirumi has ADD, and she takes medication to help with it
agar.io is basically just a vore orgy: mhm??
nyehh :3: well… taking a lot can be pretty bad. someone opened up three 20mg pills and poured them into kirumi’s tea
nyehh :3: …now we have no idea where she is
holy fuck its sans undertale: oh shit
instructions unclear, got my dick stuck in a toaster: can you die from that?
vorekiyo shingucci: no, i don’t believe so. although, it may have some side effects.
vorekiyo shingucci: how long has kirumi been missing?
nyehh :3: since this morning. we didn’t see her since then
vorekiyo shingucci: oh dear
kaegay: WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN
vorekiyo shingucci: kaede, its fine, be calm
kaegay: SNAKE ASS BITCH
kaegay: I WANT TO KNOW IF MY GIRLFRIEND IS SAFE
kaegay: AND I WANT KOKICHI TO BE PUNISHED
ouma wa mou shindeiru: Kaede, I promise, I was not the one to do it!
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: I can back him up. he was with me all morning, we didnt of us saw kirumi since yesterday.
vorekiyo shingucci: kaede, its likely kirumi is in hyperfocus at the moment.
vorekiyo shingucci: so, wherever she is, and whatever shes doing, shes likely been doing that since this morning.
vorekiyo shingucci: its also very likely she hasn’t eaten or drank since she went into hyperfocus.
kaegay: W H A T
kaegay: NOPENOPNOPEEN IM GONNA FIND HER
kaegay has gone offline
instructions unclear, got my dick stuck in a toaster: it would be wise if we all searched as well.
ouma wa mou shindeiru: good idea!
im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: alright, lets start.
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“Alright, she’s fine. She wasn’t in any danger, thankfully.”
The others breathed a sigh of relief as Kaede returned to the living room. Kirumi was currently resting in Kaede's room. As Kiyo had predicted, they’d found her in complete hyperfocus in her lab. She wasn’t harmed. There was no danger.
Kokichi lowered his head. “Kaede, I promise you it wasn’t me. I never would have done that.”
Kaede sighed. There was still a hint of worry in her expression.
“Who did do it?” asked Rantaro. Ryoma shook his head.
“Well, it was none of us. It couldn’t have been someone from the others dorms, either.”
Kaede cleched her teeth. “Then who-”
She was cut off by the sudden image that lit up on the TV.
The students jumped as static fizzled on the screen, and slowly, a rounded silhouette appeared.
Anxious murmers filled the air, but were interrupted by the figure talking.
“Uh- uh- is this thing on? Testing, testing, mic check, one two-”
Shuichi and Kokichi glanced at each other. Kokichi made a face like you’re the detective, what’s going on? and Shuichi stared back with I have no idea.
“Alright!” said the- thing. “Hello everyone! I hope I’m not bothering you’re relaxing evening!” it’s voice was high pitched, silly, like if a clown had inhaled helium.
“What was I gonna say? Oh, right!” no face could be seen, but they assumed it was smiling. “I’m your friendly friend, Future Foundation’s latest creation! Think of Ms. Usami, but better!” Shuichi stiffened. Future Foundation? Were they responsible for this?
They’d created Usami to serve as a teacher, and were responsible in overseeing certain parts of Hope’s Peak. Why were they mentioned all of a sudden?
“Your lovely Headmaster has given me permission to-” it paused suddenly. Then, in a sinister, menacing voice, it spoke again.
“Have some fun.”
A shiver zapped down every spine in the room. Across the couch, Keebo made a distressed noise.
Are we in danger?
“Oh, no, don’t worry, though! I would never put any of you in danger!” said the thing, as if it had read Shuichi’s mind. That didn’t reassure him at all.
“I’ll just roam around the school from time to time, have some fun, no biggie! Maybe a few… pranks? I mean, I’ve already done one!”
Kaede’s eyes widened. Shuichi’s mouth gaped open.
“Well, I’ve used enough of your time! Have a great night, everyone! Stay safe!”
The students began to relax their shoulders.
“Oh, whoops! How silly of me! Almost forgot to introduce myself!” the students tensed up again.
Suddenly, the silhouette began to colorize. Shuichi could make out a few features, most notably…
A round body. Two small ears. Half white, half black. And…
…a big, red eye.
Shuichi heard Rantaro gasp. The bear-thing giggled.
“The name’s Monokuma.”