Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kokichi Oma added 15 people to the chat

Kokichi Oma changed the group name to The REAL Disaster of the Ultimate Academy

Kokichi Oma changed their name to omaGOD

omaGOD changed 15 names

omaGOD: welcome!! to your worst nightmare ;))

omaGOD: I am the god of this land, bow to me

omaGOD: I sincerely hope you enjoy the titles I have provided for you ;))

ultimatePENIS: I hate this

ultimatePENIS: when you say it out loud it sounds exactly the same

ultimatePENIS: I h a t e t h I s

S P A C E J A M: actually im not to mad about this

shylock homos: …its fitting tbh

minions are beautiful: I fail to comprehend why I was surprised

mothergoose: No comment.

peel the avocado: this is my name. til the day I die. avocado

peel the avocado: you’ll never let that joke die will you

Hermione GAYnger: I mean,,, I guess

catch these lesbian hands: its not wrong

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: ugh

peel the avocado: DSSKKHEGGEKSHSHS

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: I would kill you but I think maki would beat me to it

Hawumaki :3: fuck you

ultimatePENIS: oh my g o d

S P A C E J A M: oma why

ultimatePENIS: do you have a death wish

Hawumaki :3: die in a fire

omaGOD: if you don’t like it, just change it yknow

Hawumaki :3 changed their name to kill yourself

omaGOD: ouch

S P A C E J A M: thats harsh, maki roll

kill yourself changed their name to delete your account

S P A C E J A M: …better

shirogaNYA: its surprisingly more appropriate tbh

they-followin-me-ma: gonta not understand, why gonta’s name weird?

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: oh god

ultimatePENIS: I hope you guys realize that kirumi will literally murder us if we taint gonta in any way

mothergoose: that is correct

minions are beautiful: gonta stay away

shirogaNYA: ur to pure for this

I AM ATUWAT: I dont understand my name??

omaGOD: say it out loud

I AM ATUWAT: ok

I AM ATUWAT: WAIT

I AM ATUWAT: HOW D A R E

omaGOD: ;)))

shylock homos: oh geez

ultimatePENIS: PFFFFFFFTT

shirogaNYA: thats actually a great pun

minions are beautiful: do not encourage him

I AM ATUWAT: I don’t like my name :(

omaGOD: awwwwwee did I offend atua? Just change it

I am ATUWAT changed their name to god is dead and we killed him

ultimatePENIS: oh

ultimatePENIS: did not expect that

god is dead and we killed him: is ur fault oma >:T

omaGOD: peasant I a m god

S P A C E J A M: well angies nickname is about to be correct

S P A C E J A M: makis on her way to kill you rn

omaGOD: fuck

shirogaNYA: rip

shylock homos: rip

ultimatePENIS: rip

god is dead and we killed him: rip

catch these lesbian hands: rip

Hermione GAYnger: rip

peel the avocado: rip

they-followin-me-ma: rip!! :D

omaGOD: GONTA WHY

minions are beautiful: oh so t h a t s what those noises are

minions are beautiful: shes sprinting down the hall, I presume

S P A C E J A M: say ur prayers

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: god I wish that were me

S P A C E J A M: you want maki to chase after you??

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: no I want her to fucking kill me

ultimatePENIS: …oh

shylock homos: …thats rough buddy

shirogaNYA: IS THAT AN AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER REFERENCE I LOVE THAT ANIME

minions are beautiful: did

minions are beautiful: did you just call ATLA an a n i m e

shirogaNYA: um

peel the avocado: oh my god

catch these lesbian hands: that’s gotta be illegal in some countries

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: actually maki you have my full permission to kill tsumugi as well

S P A C E J A M: DAMN

they-followin-me-ma: no! do not hurt tsumugi D:

they-followin-me-ma: kokichi is okay though :D

shirogaNYA: GONTA OMG

minions are beautiful: WHAT AN UNEXPECTED TURN OF EVENTS

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

god is dead and we killed him: O W O W H A T S T H I S

Hermione GAYnger: PFFFTT WELL SAID MY BOY

delete your account: I see kirumi has taught him well

catch these lesbian hands: FINALLY A DEGENERATE SAID SOMETHING SMART

S P A C E J A M: DNSBHDUKDYUIETYDSSF SAVAGE

ultimatePENIS: I think I just heard shuichi scream really loudly holy shit

ultimatePENIS: you okay buddy

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: thats what that was???

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: I thought it was the sound of maki finally fucking murdering kokichi thanks for getting my hopes up

omaGOD: guys stop ur scaring the baby

shylock homos: what baby?

omaGOD: me

Hermione GAYnger: im deactivating

mothergoose: apologies for interrupting your… conversation

mothergoose: however

mothergoose: I hope you all know class starts in 5 min

ultimatePENIS: W H A T

Hermione GAYnger: shit

catch these lesbian hands: H I M I K O

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: we are dead

god is dead and we killed him: like oma :D

S P A C E J A M: hes safe for now

S P A C E J A M: lucky for you, oma, im pretty sure killing in class is illegal

delete your account: jokes on you, my hatred of oma surpasses the law

ultimatePENIS: GUYS WE’RE GONNA BE LATE

shylock homos: jokes on you guys im already here and class has started

shylock homos: gonta and kirumi are already here too

shirogaNYA: h o w did you get there so fast

omaGOD: wait if class has started for you why are you texting? >:3

shylock homos: uh

S P A C E J A M: b u s t e d

delete your account: kaito you aren’t even dressed yet so shut the fuck up

omaGOD: D A M N

ultimatePENIS: MAKI KILLS AGAIN

peel the avocado: A BODY HAS BEEN DISCOVERED

shylock homos: this was a mistake

delete your account: just like oma

peel the avocado: AND THERE GOES ANOTHER KILL

omaGOD: I regret everything

Chapter Text

---Friday, November 24^th, 7:21pm---

omaGOD: brace for impact

shylock homos: huh

ultimatePENIS: what

catch these lesbian hands: oma what did you DO

omaGOD: its coming

shirogaNYA: that’s ominous

minions are beautiful: what are you blabbering about this time?

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: if a murderous clown doesn’t come bursting through this door rn and fucking killing me im suing all of you and THEN killing myself

Hermione GAYnger: dude fr are you okay

Say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: no

omaGOD: fuck its already here

xxxTIDDIESxxx: HEY DICK TWATS

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: oh geez

shylock homos: WAIT IS THAT M I U

delete your account: who else would have a username like that

shylock homos: …fair point

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: I expect nothing and I am still let down

minions are beautiful: run

xxxTIDDIESxxx: TOOK YA LONG ENOUGH TO INVITE ME HERE YOU DICKLESS FUCK

S P A C E J A M: I have a feeling shes talking about oma

catch these lesbian hands: y o u  d o n t  s a y

omaGOD: dickless?

omaGOD: i am sure someone here can confirm that that is not the case

omaGOD: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

shirogaNYA: they can W H A T

peel the avocado: WAIT WHO CAN CONFIRM THAT

ultimatePENIS: um

ultimatePENIS: anyway miu why weren’t you here this morning? Or all day for that matter

omaGOD: she was masturbating. all day

shirogaNYA: SHE WAS W H A T

minions are beautiful: why are you surprised?

ultimatePENIS: how do you know that?

omaGOD: I dont. But we’re talking about miu so its safe to guess >:3

xxxTIDDIESxxx: for once thats not the case

peel the avocado: WHAT DO YOU MEAN FOR ONCE

xxxTIDDIESxxx: I had detention :P

minions are beautiful: …all day?

shirogaNYA: not surprised

Hermione GAYnger: why tho

catch these lesbian hands: MIU DONT ANSWER THAT

catch these lesbian hands: SPARE HER INNOCENCE

xxxTIDDIESxxx: chill the fuck out

xxxTIDDIESxxx: I "apparently" destroyed something very important, nbd

xxxTIDDIESxxx: usami yelled at me

omaGOD: wow that must have been utterly terrifying

omaGOD: having a fucking rabbit chew you out

omaGOD: “miuw, i am vewy mad at youw. Im sowwy but I must puwish youw”

Hermione GAYnger: FDFSDTDJHTREAYKJRDTYWUET

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: howe abowe youw stowp befowe I kick youw dick in :33

Hermione GAYnger: S T O P

peel the avocado: oh god

minions are beautiful: BURN IT

catch these lesbian hands: holy fuck hes speaking like tsumugi someone save us

omaGOD: howe dawe youw 3:<

xxxTIDDIESxxx: shut the fuck up hetero

omaGOD: what the f u c k did you just call me

xxxTIDDIESxxx: ANYWAYS YALL BITCHES BETTER FILL ME IN ON THIS DAMN THING

xxxTIDDIESxxx: WHAT WERE YALL UP TO WHILE I WAS GONE

peel the avocado: um

delete your account: im not explaining anything to anyone who uses "y’all"

shylock homos: …thats fair

catch these lesbian hands: understandable have a nice day

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: count me out

minions are beautiful: allow me ,ahem,

delete your account: did you just fucking type “ahem”

minions are beautiful: shut

minions are beautiful: as I was saying

minions are beautiful: maki chased after oma, ryoma wants to die, tsumugi called ATLA and anime, all of us were late to class, shuichi was busted for texting in class and maki killed both oma and kaito

minions are beautiful: so basically, same shit as always

omaGOD: ouch

shirogaNYA: hes not wrong

xxxTIDDIESxxx: yknow maki the fact that oma is still alive rn means you suck ass at ur job

delete your account: oh please I think we all know who sucks the most ass here

shirogaNYA: miu

minions are beautiful: miu

shylock homos: miu

omaGOD: miu

ultimatePENIS: miu

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: miu

xxxTIDDIESxxx: am I supposed to be offended by that??

shylock homos: wait you “destroyed something important”? what was it

xxxTIDDIESxxx: um

god is dead and we killed him: hello! Sorry for being late, I was searching for keebo, has anyone seen him? :D

god is dead and we killed him: wait

god is dead and we killed him: W A I T

xxxTIDDIESxxx: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

peel the avocado: MIU YOU DIDN’T

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: HOLY FUCK

shirogaNYA: OH JEESUS

minions are beautiful: OH DEAR OH DEAR OH DEAR OH DEAR OH DEAR

catch these lesbian hands: WAIT A MINUTE DID Y

Hermione GAYnger: HOLY S H I T

catch these lesbian hands: H I M I K O

they-followin-me-ma: what happen to keebo? D:

ultimatePENIS: WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM

omaGOD: SHE PROLLY STUCK HER DICK IN HIM TO HARD

minions are beautiful: wh

omaGOD: well keebo don’t got a dick so

delete your account: ill decide if I kill you or not on my way to your room

S P A C E J A M: maki dont

delete your account: fine

shirogaNYA: ^couple goals :DD

delete your account: tsumugi do you want to die

shirogaNYA: eep

ultimatePENIS: guys I can hear gonta sobbing next door

shirogaNYA: OH NO

they-followin-me-ma: WHY DID MIU KILL KEEBO??? D’:

shirogaNYA: brace yourselves

mothergoose: I demand an explanation as to why I can hear gonta crying.

catch these lesbian hands: fuck we’re dead

Hermione GAYnger: nice knowing you guys

minions are beautiful: rather, it was not nice knowing you guys

god is dead and we killed him: kirumi would not kill us, do not worry :D

peel the avocado: you seem to severely underestimate her mom powers

shylock homos: we seem to be getting off topic

shylock homos: we seem to be forgetting that Keebo IS DEAD

omaGOD: he can finally rust in peace :’)

S P A C E J A M: actually maki im allowing you to go to omas room and knee him in the dick

delete your account: fucking finally

shylock homos: again,,, KEEBO IS DEAD

xxxTIDDIESxxx: HES NOT DEAD CHILL THE FUCK OUT

xxxTIDDIESxxx: SOUDA IS FIXING HIM RN

shirogaNYA: what did you even do to him?

xxxTIDDIESxxx: I ran into him in the hallway

xxxTIDDIESxxx: n he got so scared he flew against the wall

minions are beautiful: that was quite an underwhelming answer

S P A C E J A M: thats it? :I

shirogaNYA: wait how did you bump into him so hard he flew against the wall??

omaGOD: pics or it didn’t happen

xxxTIDDIESxxx: idk ask mahiru

xxxTIDDIESxxx: anyways it was fucking hilarious

shylock homos: you left keebo alone? With souda?

shylock homos: thats a terrible idea wtf

xxxTIDDIESxxx: chill. I told him if he tries anything dumb with keebo ill eviscerate him, cut his fucking dick off n stick it in the wound

peel the avocado: W H A T

catch these lesbian hands: GCDFYDYRSUYRESWEUSSTFDF

delete your account: NOW THAT’S SOMETHING ID LIKE TO SEE

mothergoose: sometimes I question your sanity.

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: SCREW THAT IM CONSTANTLY QUESTIONING IT MIU WHAT THE F U C K

minions are beautiful: that’s… creative

omaGOD: “sometimes… i want (miu) to fucking eviscerate me and then make sweet sweet love to my open festering wounds as i lay bleeding out screaming in agony waiting for death’s merciful embrace :333”

peel the avocado: WH

they-followin-me-ma: NO!!! DO NOT CUT HIS DICK OFF!!!

XxxTIDDIESxxx: o ng

delete your account: NO!!! DO NOT CUT HIS DICK OFF!!!

S P A C E J A M: NO!!! DO NOT CUT HIS DICK OFF!!!

shylock homos: NO!!! DO NOT CUT HIS DICK OFF!!!

god is dead and we killed him: NO!!! DO NOT CUT HIS DICK OFF!!!

catch these lesbian hands: NO!!! DO NOT CUT HIS DICK OFF!!!

Hermione GAYnger: NO!!! DO NOT CUT HIS DICK OFF!!!

minions are beautiful: NO!!! DO NOT CUT HIS DICK OFF!!!

omaGOD: NO!!! DO NOT CUT HIS DICK OFF!!!

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: NO!!! DO NOT CUT HIS DICK OFF!!!

ultimatePENIS: NO!!! DO NOT CUT HIS DICK OFF!!!

shirogaNYA: NO!!! DO NOT CUT HIS DICK OFF!!!

peel the avocado: NO!!! DO NOT CUT HIS DICK OFF!!!

xxxTIDDIESxxx: C H I L L  O U T

xxxTIDDIESxxx: itl be fine

xxxTIDDIESxxx: it better fucking be

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: hello everyone. Apologies for my absence, I was having some… difficulties. Please fill me in on what I missed.

omaGOD: NO!!! DO NOT CUT HIS DICK OFF!!!

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: what?

shirogaNYA: omg his u s e r n a m e

they-followin-me-ma: keebo is not dead! :D

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: of course not. What is going on? What is wrong with my name?

omaGOD: you like it? ;D

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: I do not know how to respond to it.

omaGOD: anyways thats not important

omaGOD: what is important though is this:

omaGOD: how the heck did you fly into the wall after simply bumping into miu??

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: oh

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: you see…

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: I got startled and flustered so I jumped, then hit the wall.

shirogaNYA: flustered?

xxxTIDDIESxxx: HE GOT A FACE FULL OF MY HONKERS

shirogaNYA: u know what forget I asked

omaGOD: wow keebs. miu must have given you her

delete your account: don’t you dare

omaGOD: graTITude

delete your account: and im out

delete your account: fuck you guys im going to bed

S P A C E J A M: same here

shirogaNYA: bad post op

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: im too old for this shit

omaGOD: WAIT WHY IS EVERYONE LEAVING ME ALONE

omaGOD: I cant BOOBlieve you guys!!

ultimatePENIS: I think one of my brain cells just popped

omaGOD: what? are my puns causing a NIPPLE effect?

god is dead and we killed him: im going to sleep

god is dead and we killed him: and I pray to atua that one of us has the human decency to murder you in your sleep

Hermione GAYnger: dw ill cast a “shut the fuck up and die” spell

catch these lesbian hands: usually id scold you for swearing but for once I applaud you

minions are beautiful: god please let me fall into such a deep slumber my body dies and my soul escapes to the astral plane where I never have to see oma ever again

shylock homos: ...goodnight everyone

omaGOD: aww goodnight shuichi! :DD

shylock homos: everyone but you

omaGOD: aww man

omaGOD: well

omaGOD: might as well get some bREAST ;)))

Chapter Text

---Saturday, November 25^th, 3:00am---

shylock homos: babe

shylock homos: the love of my life

shylock homos: did you take my hoodie??

omaGOD: …nooo

shylock homos: was that a lie?

omaGOD: …yeeesss

shylock homos: I knew it

omaGOD: IM SORRY

omaGOD: I PROMISE I ONLY WEAR IT WHEN IM ALONE

shylock homos: fine but please bring it back soon okay?

omaGOD: you got it shu~

shylock homos: night

omaGOD: night~

omaGOD: wait

shylock homos: WAIT

omaGOD: W A I T

S P A C E J A M: DRSAERTSYJETHMFTDYFHRSGETAQERYJTU

S P A C E J A M: DFSRSEYWRSRSDJXFDYREQRYKUTTITYTDFXRWASYRTTH

S P A C E J A M: HOLY FCUCKGG

Hermione GAYnger: YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! YES!!!

catch these lesbian hands: FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hermione GAYnger: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ultimatePENIS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

shylock homos: WAIT GUYS S T OP ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE

xxxTIDDIESxxx: FUCK BITCH SHIT CUNT MOTHERFUCKING FINALLY!!!!!!!!!

xxxTIDDIESxxx: VGMFCFSTERQWGYUYIHJVBCXSREWRTYUIJNMBVCXDSE

minions are beautiful: G O D H A S S P O K E N!!!!!!!!!!!!!

god is dead and we killed him: GOD Is A L I V E AND W E R E V I V ED HIM!!!!!

omaGOD: STOP SCREAMING UR GONNA WAKE EVERYONE UP

Hermione GAYnger: SURPRISE BITCH WERE ALL AWAKE

shirogaNYA: SHIP HAS SAILED!!!! SHIP HAS SAILED!!! SHIP!!! HAS!!! SAILED!!!

shirogaNYA: SHIP!!!!!!!! IS!!!!!!! C A N O N!!!!!!!!

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

mothergoose: MY SONS! I AM SO VERY PROUD OF YOU!

shylock homos: KIRUMI YOU TOO???

they-followin-me-ma: Yay! Gonta is proud of friends and hope you have very good relationship :D

omaGOD: OK NGL GONTA BUT YOU JUST MADE ME CRY

peel the avocado: I FUCKING KNEW IT

peel the avocado: THERE WAS WAYYY TO MUCH SEXUAL TENSION BETWEEN YOU TWO TO BE HET

shylock homos: K AEDE DTOP SCREAMUG

shylock homos: ITS 3 IN THE FUCKING MORNING

ultimatePENIS: WHY DID U NOT TELL US???????

omaGOD: WE WERE GONNA TELL U EVENTUALLY

shylock homos: BUT WE WERE SCARED

peel the avocado: wait. you were scared?

peel the avocado: scared we would reject you guys?

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: we would never reject you for that!

ultimatePENIS: im so happy for you both!!

omaGOD: really??

Hermione GAYnger: yes!!

mothergoose: it takes much courage to reveal a relationship such as yours to friends. you and shuichi are such opposites, it is only natural we would be shocked.

mothergoose: yet that is why it works. I can see you are both very close. we would never reject such friends due to a relationship. we applaud you both and wish you a happy relationship.

they-followin-me-ma: gonta agree with kirumi! gonta is proud of shuichi and oma :D

catch these lesbian hands: you may be degenerate males but im still proud!

Hermione GAYnger: yep

minions are beautiful: what she said

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: exactly

peel the avocado: :DD

ultimatePENIS: well done!!

xxxTIDDIESxxx: ya got that right!

god is dead and we killed him: what mom said!

S P A C E J A M: nice job shuichi!

shylock homos: wow

omaGOD: andddd im crying

omaGOD: thank you guys

mothergoose: anyways, it is 3 am. I advise we all get to bed.

shirogaNYA: you got it

delete your account: alright

they-followin-me-ma: goodnight everybody!

shylock homos: good night

shylock homos: night babe :)

omaGOD: night :D

---Saturday, November 25^th, 8:14am---

omaGOD: gooooood morning everyone!

omaGOD: annddd good morning shu :)

shylock homos: good morning oma

shirogaNYA: wow last night was wild

ultimatePENIS: that was a thing

minions are beautiful: indeed

omaGOD: ANYWAYS

omaGOD: I HAVE SOMETHING PLANNED TODAY

omaGOD: WE’RE GONNA PLAY A GAME

god is dead and we killed him: hoooo boi

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: dear god

delete your account: sigh

delete your account: well ive got nothing better to do so

S P A C E J A M: yeet I guess

omaGOD: so everyone is playing??

Hermione GAYnger: I don’t think kirumi is, shes doing volunteer work around the school

omaGOD: figures

S P A C E J A M: soo whats the game??

omaGOD: IM GLAD YOU ASKED

omaGOD: im gonna write a sentence or a google search that one of you guys have said or searched before

omaGOD: and you’ve gotta guess who said or searched it!!! :D

catch these lesbian hands: oh jeez

Hermione GAYnger: regrets

delete your account: mistakes were made

xxxTIDDIESxxx: YKNOW THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY BE FUN

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: you think?

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: wait a minute

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: i get that you would remember the dumb shit weve said before but

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: how do you know our google searches??

omaGOD: cause you guys suck at passwords lmao

delete your account: wait

god is dead and we killed him: DID YOU SNOOP AROUND OUR SCHOOL PADS??

S P A C E J A M: YOU B I T C H

peel the avocado: ABORT MISSION ABORT ABORT ABORT

catch these lesbian hands: THIS WAS A MISTAKE

omaGOD: CHILL OUT JESUS CHRIST

omaGOD: I ONLY LOOKED AT UR GOOGLE SEARCHES

delete your account: EXACTLY

S P A C E J A M: IVE GOT NOTHING TO HIDE

omaGOD: weeelll if you’ve got nothing to hide, why are you freaking out? ;D

shylock homos: busted

S P A C E J A M: SHUICHI HOW DARE YOU BETRAY ME

ultimatePENIS: lets just get on with it

omaGOD: thank you kaede!! ahem

omaGOD: LETS BEGIN

omaGOD: first one is a quote:

omaGOD: “I wanna be like buzz lightyear. yknow, the first guy on the moon.”

peel the avocado: GFDRTSHGFGVGCXSRTUYUKNBVCXDSAW?UIOKNBVCX

peel the avocado: FORGET WHAT I SAID EARLIER THIS IS PERFECT

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: IM PSIISSINGG

Hermione GAYnger: I DUNNO MUCH ABOUT SPACE BUT IM PRETTY SURE THATS 100% WRONG

xxxTIDDIESxxx: WHICH FUCKING DUMBASS SAID THAT

S P A C E J A M: WHO THE HELL

ultimatePENIS: OOFF

delete your account: wow. you guys are dumb

Hermione GAYnger: ??

delete your account: its obviously kaito

shirogaNYA: W H A T

minions are beautiful: how are you surprised?

catch these lesbian hands: I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN

S P A C E J A M: MAKI ROLL HOW COULD YOU

shylock homos: WAIT WAS IT ACTUALLY YOU

ultimatePENIS: DDSDFGHJBVCERYUIKNBVCSERTYUI

ultimatePENIS: I AM S C R EE C H I NG

minions are beautiful: wait maki, how were you so sure?

delete your account: cause I was there

delete your account: he said this to me

peel the avocado: o ng

omaGOD: that’s correct

omaGOD: she laughed for like 30 minutes straight

delete your account: it was fucking hilarious

S P A C E J A M: I meant to say Buzz Aldrin!! First person to walk on the moon!!

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: uh

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: buddy

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: he was the second person to walk on the moon

S P A C E J A M: fuck

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: the first to walk on the moon was Neil Armstrong

shylock homos: YOU’RE THE ULTIMATE ASTRONAUT HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THIS

omaGOD changed S P A C E J A M’s name to buzz lightyear, first man on the moon

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: why do you do this to me

omaGOD: >:3

Hermione GAYnger: good choice

peel the avocado: 10/10 ign

delete your account: this is what you get

minions are beautiful: Neil A. spelled backwards is A. Lien

Hermione GAYnger: h o l y  s h I t

ultimatePENIS: YOOOOOOOO

omaGOD: …moving on

omaGOD: next is a google search!

omaGOD: “minion porn”

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: wh

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: W H A T THE F U C K

xxxTIDDIESxxx: NOW THAT’S MORE LIKE IT

ultimatePENIS: MORE LIKE W  H AT

catch these lesbian hands: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS

minions are beautiful: I can assure you, it is not me.

catch these lesbian hands: you sure?

minions are beautiful: minions are a disgrace to humanity itself. what language do they speak? what are their customs? life span? we do not know. nobody cares. to be a minion is to laugh in the face of the world itself. we know next to nothing about them, yet we know to much. we know that they are round, yellow, gibberish speaking, occasional cyclops short haired fat little twats. we want nothing to do with them. we want to learn nothing about them, we know too much already, and yet there is always. another. movie. theres even a movie just for them, loaded with minion lore. why? why do they think we want this? every time a new god damn movie comes out a piece of my soul breaks off and flies up to the heavens. where is it going? what more do we not know about minions? I do not want to know. what I want is my soul back. my life back. my humanity back. our world back. yet that is not possible, as everyday we are reminded of the futile existence of those fucking fat talking tic tacs. they love bananas? fuck that. fuck you and your bananas, minions. I hope satan himself rises from the fiery pits of hell and drags these shit bags down to the seering asshole of hades where they may suffer eternally in the underworld, away from us. away from the world. fuck you, minions. I want my humanity back.

catch these lesbian hands: o m g

shirogaNYA: IM FCUKCKING PISSINGEEFC

Hermione GAYnger: THIS OPENED MY THIRD EYE

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: KIYO UR MY HEROO

shylock homos: that was the best thing ive ever read

they-followin-me-ma: gonta no like bananas :(

omaGOD: THERE ARE LEGIT TEARS IN MY EYES

xxxTIDDIESxxx: THTSIH MADES ME NNNOT KLKILL MSELFF

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: FUCKING RELATABLE

delete your account: me when im disassociating

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: me as F U CK

minions are beautiful: minion porn? MINION??? PORN??? fuck that. FUCK THAT. fuck whichever one of you had the audacity to type those words. to put in the effort of tapping each key until the ungodly string of words formed. FUCK. YOU. not only that, but fuck you for making ME type this shit. do you think I want to spend my time writing essays about the disgrace that are minions? no. I want to spend my time being human. being free. but No. here I am, putting genuine effort into writing my true feelings into this god forbidden chat. not to mention, I actually had to LOOK UP information about minions just to write this god damn bullshit. my eyes had to fall victim to way too much minion info, way too many pictures of those FUCKING. PISS COLOURED. TWATS. I can erase my history all I want, but nothing will ever erase the mark it has seared in my dignity. in my soul. IN MY HUMANITY. and one of you, ONE OF YOU SHITHEADS had the NERVE to look up MINION. PORN. for your OWN PLEASURE. ONE OF YOU SHITHEADS can look at a picture of a NAKED. MINION. and be ATTRACTED TO IT. FUCK. YOU. IF THE IMAGE OF NAKED AND EXPOSED MINION BREAKS INTO MY HEAD ONE. MORE. TIME. I AM GOING OVER TO YOUR DORM, BREAKING IN, AND THEN BREAKING YOU. SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR HUMANITY, NOT THAT YOU HAD ANY BEFORE, YOU DISGUSTING CUNT.

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: TTHIS IW THE bETSSTR DYAYY OF MMY LLIIFRSS

peel the avocado: IM AHAVEING A FUCKIRNBE STROCKE

Hermione GAYnger: I CNAT BEREATHS

omaGOD: ALL I CAN IMAGINE WRIGHT NOW IS A DISSTRESSED KIYO FURIOUSLY TYPING THIS WHILE SWEAT DRIPS DOWN HIS FOREHEAD ALL WHILE HES FUCKING CRYING

Hermione GAYnger: HIS ROOM IS NEXT TO MINE I THINK HE IS CRYINGGG

omaGOD: HOLY FUCK

minions are beautiful changed their name to I fucking hate minions

catch these lesbian hands: OH MY GOODDDDD

mothergoose: I decide to take a miniscule break and check the chat and I see kiyo writing an essay about minions.

peel the avocado: you proud of him ma? ;D

mothergoose: very.

peel the avocado: NBVCFDSRJBVCFXDSSERTYUJNBVCXDSE

shylock homos: KIYO BUDDY ARE YOU OKAY

i fucking hate minions: yeah im fine how you doing

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: me when im having an internal meltdown and someone asks if im okay

i fucking hate minions: anyways, I would like to ask again.

i fucking hate minions: who. looked up. minion. porn.

catch these lesbian hands: wasnt me

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: despite the fact that id like to die im gonna be honest and say it wasn’t me

xxxTIDDIESxxx: shockingly, it wasn’t me

shylock homos: nope

Hermione GAYnger: never

peel the avocado: nah man

ultimatePENIS: id would never

delete your account: do you really think I would do it?

shirogaNYA: ew no

i fucking hate minions: SOMEONE BETTER COME FORWARD

catch these lesbian hands: I don’t think whoever did it would actually come forward

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: I hate to throw her under the bus like this

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: but angie has been awfully quite this whole time, hasn’t she?

catch these lesbian hands: wh

shirogaNYA: omg

omaGOD: DING DING DING KEEBO GETS IT RIGHT

i fucking hate minions: W H A T

shylock homos: IT WAS HER?????

catch these lesbian hands: HOLY SHIT

xxxTIDDIESxxx: DAMN ANG DIDN’T THINK YOU WERE INTO THAT

god is dead and we killed him: IM SORRY

ultimatePENIS: VCFXDSRJBVCDSERTYUJNBVCXS

Hermione GAYnger: I just heard kiyo exit his room

Hermione GAYnger: ur fucked angie

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: rip

god is dead and we killed him: I always knew kiyo would kill me someday

god is dead and we killed him: but I always thought tenko would go down with me

catch these lesbian hands: SORRY GAL

delete your account: before you die, angie, id like to ask you something

god is dead and we killed him: ya what

delete your account: WHY WERE YOU LOOKING UP MINION PORN

peel the avocado: ID LIKE TO KNOW THAT AS WELL

xxxTIDDIESxxx: ME TOO

xxxTIDDIESxxx: HIT ME UP WITH THE BEST PICS YOU FOUND BEFORE YOU DIe MK

god is dead and we killed him: EVERYONE CALM DOWN

god is dead and we killed him: you too kiyo

i fucking hate minions: …very well

god is dead and we killed him: alrighty then

god is dead and we killed him: its hifumi’s fault

shirogaNYA: what???

god is dead and we killed him: he commissioned me

god is dead and we killed him: he wanted a sculpture of a naked minion with boobs

shirogaNYA: WHAT???????

catch these lesbian hands: BVXDFGHHGFDSERTYUJBVCDSYUJVCDSEWY

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: i. what

xxxTIDDIESxxx: I HATE TO SAY THIS BUT HE HAS GOOD TASTE

Hermione GAYnger: he probably wanted it as a gag

ultimatePENIS: did you take the commission

god is dead and we killed him: well

god is dead and we killed him: he paid me 150 bucks sooo

catch these lesbian hands: hhho ly shit

shylock homos: that’s… really sad

god is dead and we killed him: I, of course, had never drawn nor seen minion porn before

god is dead and we killed him: so I needed a reference

delete your account: did you not question his offer at all???

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: well it IS hifumi so

delete your account: fair point

god is dead and we killed him: I agreed to do the commission

god is dead and we killed him: and I told him this:

god is dead and we killed him: “ill do the commission, but I just want to let you know that you will never get into heaven. ever.”

xxxTIDDIESxxx: SAVAGE

Hermione GAYnger: BURNT TO A CRISP

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: what was his response??

god is dead and we killed him: he just nodded

shylock homos: he must have already accepted his fate

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: whats the status on the commission?

delete your account: why do you wanna know?

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: well excuse me for being curious

god is dead and we killed him: the sculpture is still in progress, I was about to get to the dick and boobs

peel the avocado: both boobs and a dick??

xxxTIDDIESxxx: THAT’S MAKES ME SO W E T

shylock homos: MIU I CAN HEAR U PLEASE STOP MOANING

shylock homos: FUCK SHE JUST GOT LOUDER

mothergoose: ah, so that is what you were working on.

mothergoose: I stopped by your lab the other day to clean up a bit

mothergoose: but in the middle of the room, with light shining on it was a rather exposed minion sculpture on a pedestal.

mothergoose: it disturbed me so much I immediately left the room.

peel the avocado: LMAO

delete your account: relatable

i fucking hate minions: so hifumi is the one who likes minion porn?

god is dead and we killed him: yea

i fucking hate minions: brb

shirogaNYA: OH FUCK

Hermione GAYnger: RIP HIFUMI

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: HE ABOUT TO GET EVISCERATED

peel the avocado: HIS DICK WILL BE CUT OFF

ultimatePENIS: N STUCK IN THE WOUND

xxxTIDDIESxxx: I AM  D R I P P I N G  TO MY  C O R E

shylock homos: MIU SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THOSE NOISES I CAN HEAR YOU FROM DOWN THE HALL

catch these lesbian hands: well we know now that hifumi isn’t going to heaven

shirogaNYA: NOOO MY ANIME WATCHING BUDDY

Hermione GAYnger: your W H A T

omaGOD: PRESS F TO PAY RESPECTS

delete your account: F

Hermione GAYnger: F

shylock homos: F

ultimatePENIS: F

peel the avocado: F

xxxTIDDIESxxx: F

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: F

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: F

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: why is everyone pressing F?

omaGOD: WE ARE PAYING OUR RESPECTS

omaGOD: YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: respects? did someone die?

xxxTIDDIESxxx: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN KEEBS

xxxTIDDIESxxx: HIFUMI IS ABOUT TO FUCKING DIE

xxxTIDDIESxxx: KIYO IS GOING TO MURDER HIM

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: oh

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: then im not paying any respects to him

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: he asked me if id seen any good robot porn lately

shirogaNYA: omg

catch these lesbian hands: actually I retract my F

omaGOD: …have you?

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: of course not!

i fucking hate minions: I have returned

catch these lesbian hands: :ooo

Hermione GAYnger: welcome back minionfucker69

ultimatePENIS: o ng

catch these lesbian hands: HIMIKO HOLY SHIT

shylock homos: oh my god

omaGOD changed I fucking hate minions’s name to minionfucker69

peel the avocado: HHHHHHHHJESUS FUCKING CHRIST

xxxTIDDIESxxx: THE MINIONFUCKER DOTH RETURN

god is dead and we killed him: oma do you WANT to die??

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: “hey guys minionfucker69 here and welcome back to my minecraft lets play today we’re doing the despicable me mod”

god is dead and we killed him: RYOMA DO YOU WANT TO DIE

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: what kind of question is that

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: of fucking course

minionfucker69 changed their name to yeet I guess

yeet I guess deleted themselves from The REAL Disaster of the Ultimate Academy

omaGOD: oh wow

delete your account: I applaud him for his bravery

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: smart move

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: god I wish that were me

shirogaNYA: wait is hifumi dead or??

god is dead and we killed him: HE DESTROYED IT

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: what

god is dead and we killed him: KIYO DESTROYED THE STATUE

shirogaNYA: oh my

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: YOOOOOOO

ultimatePENIS: doing gods work I see

xxxTIDDIESxxx: aww man. before I even got to see it

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: miu u worry me sometimes

delete your account: out of all the things she’s said so far, that’s the one that worries you?

they-followin-me-ma: oh no! all your hard work is wasted :(

god is dead and we killed him: aww do not worry gonta! :D

delete your account: hes right though. even if the statue was an insult to the gods themselves, you spent a while working on it

god is dead and we killed him: dw about it

god is dead and we killed him: im not even mad

god is dead and we killed him: I was gonna destroy it myself anyway

shirogaNYA: what about hifumi’s $150?

god is dead and we killed him: I used it to buy the supplies

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: all that money?

god is dead and we killed him: nah

god is dead and we killed him: I do sculpture commissions for like $25

god is dead and we killed him: the rest of that money was repayment for what he was making me do

delete your account: that’s fair

xxxTIDDIESxxx: how much would it cost for a sculpture of a minion orgy?

god is dead and we killed him: omg

omaGOD: $69

omaGOD: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

xxxTIDDIESxxx: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

delete your account: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Hermione GAYnger: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ultimatePENIS: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

shylock homos: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

peel the avocado: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

shirogaNYA: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

yeet I guess has joined The REAL Disaster of the Ultimate Academy

god is dead and we killed him: kiyo help me

yeet I guess has changed their name to ( ͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ °)

god is dead and we killed him: F U C K

Chapter Text

---Saturday, November 25^th, 9:03am---

omaGOD: now, where were we

omaGOD: ah yes

omaGOD: LET THE GAME CONTINUE

shirogaNYA: tbh I forgot we were even playing a game

delete your account: oh right. this again

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): I still have not recovered.

god is dead and we killed him: neither has hifumi

god is dead and we killed him: you gave him quite the earful

god is dead and we killed him: “you. are a disgrace. who do you think you are? minion porn? really? you get pleasure out of perceiving those banana-fucking bullshit-speaking twats undressed and exposed? does minion vagina make you hard? DOES IT? TELL ME NOW SO THAT I MAY HAVE AN EXCUSE TO PROJECT YOUR ASS TO THE 3^RD DIMENSION ASTRAL PLANE BITCH”

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): cough cough

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: wow

peel the avocado: I want this on my tombstone

xxxTIDDIESxxx: AW DAMN I WISH ID BEEN THERE

omaGOD: for the love of god STOP TALKING ABOUT MINION COCK

shirogaNYA: do minions have thrussies?

omaGOD: S T O P

Hermione GAYnger: wait if female minions do not exist then how do they reproduce

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: …woah

xxxTIDDIESxxx: some of them have pussies. some of them don’t. its natural selection

omaGOD: P L E A S E  S T O P

Hermione GAYnger: and why are there so many of them

xxxTIDDIESxxx: minion orgies

shirogaNYA: o m g

peel the avocado: I can HEAR it

shirogaNYA: OH FUCK

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: FUCK YOU RANTARO I CAN HEAR IT TO

god is dead and we killed him: FUCK I CANT GET THOSE NOISES OUT OF MY HEAD

xxxTIDDIESxxx: IT SOUNDS LIKE THIS

shylock homos: MIU WHAT IS THAT NOISEE

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: what are those ungodly noises?

xxxTIDDIESxxx: IT’S THE SOUND OF A MINION ORGY

Hermione GAYnger: thankS! I hate it

ultimatePENIS: hIMIKO YOU ASKED THE QUESTION

Hermione GAYnger: tbh… I have no regrets

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): himiko you are one door down from me if anymore minion shit comes out of your mouth im walking over there

catch these lesbian hands: do that and ill break ur legs you folklore cunt

shirogaNYA: F O L K L O R E  C U N T

ultimatePENIS: DKSKDKSKDKDJDKSJD

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: KIYO PLEASE MIU’S THE ONE REPLICATING THE SOUND OF A MINION ORGY GO KILL HER

xxxTIDDIESxxx: YO ANG WHATS THE STATUS OF MY MINION COMMISSION

god is dead and we killed him: GO FUCK YOURSELF

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): congratulations you just triggered a Vietnam flashback

omaGOD: A H E M

delete your account: nobody wants to play your game oma

peel the avocado: yeah go fuck a minion you gremlin

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): please for the love of god don’t

shylock homos: aww come on guys this is fun!!

ultimatePENIS: it is pretty hilarious

omaGOD: thank you!!

god is dead and we killed him: kiyo please for the love of atua change your username

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): very well

( ͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ °) changed their name to hey soul sister

hey soul sister: better?

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: …no comment

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: ive got no response

Hermione GAYnger: no objections here

catch these lesbian hands: noope

omaGOD: OKAYYYYYY LETS GOOO

omaGOD: this ones a quote!!

omaGOD: “every time someone yells at me I can feel my dick throb and my twelve pussies quiver n it makes me sad but at the same time it makes me feel fucking incredible so please scream at me some more daddy”

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: i

Hermione GAYnger: W H A T  T H E  F U C K

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS

ultimatePENIS: HOLY FUCK

ultimatePENIS: ONE DICK TWELVE PUSSIES????

shirogaNYA: WOW FIFTY SHADES OF GAY LOOKS INCREDIBLE

shirogaNYA: ****GRAY I MEANT GRAY

catch these lesbian hands: BRB IM BLEACHING MY FUCKING EYEBALLS

peel the avocado: FGDYGHJHBVCFDERTYBVCXDSERTYUIJNBVCXDS

peel the avocado: HOT DAMN

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: THAT’S SOME KINKY SHIT RITE DERE

delete your account: oh come on this one’s obvious

delete your account: its miu

shirogaNYA: mhm

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: absolutely

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: no doubt about it

ultimatePENIS: obviously

hey soul sister: of course

god is dead and we killed him: duh

Hermione GAYnger: completely

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: I know for a fact that this is miu

xxxTIDDIESxxx: OH COME ON STOP ASSUMING

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: im not assuming

peel the avocado: you have proof??

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: picture me, at 3am on a Friday. I hear a knock on the door. I get up to answer, and I am greeted with miu. she is both drunk and high. her eyes have rolled completely to the back of her head, showing only the white. she somehow looks happy, depressed and incredibly horny all at once. she looks me dead in the eyes and says this exact thing, then promptly leaves. the scream I uttered still rings in my head to this day.

peel the avocado: omg

ultimatePENIS: FUCK I WISH ID BEEN THERE

catch these lesbian hands: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA WOW

hey soul sister: somehow I am both incredibly disturbed but completely un phased at the same time

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: I REMEMBER THIS

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: I REMEMBER HEARING KEEBO SCREAM BUT I NEVER KNEW WHY

shirogaNYA: aaaaaa those were the days

xxxTIDDIESxxx: …id completely forgotten about that

xxxTIDDIESxxx: whoops

omaGOD: did his scream make your twelve pussies quiver?

hey soul sister: S T O P

peel the avocado: where the heck did you get both alcohol and weed ON CAMPUS??

xxxTIDDIESxxx: oh you wanna know? hmu then

peel the avocado: wait no

shirogaNYA: RANTARO :OOO

ultimatePENIS: DRUGS ARE BAD DO NOT DO DRUGS

catch these lesbian hands: THERE WILL BE NO MARR-JU-WANNA IN THIS CHRISTIAN SERVER

Hermione GAYnger: IS THAT A WEED?? IM CALLING THE POLICE

god is dead and we killed him: IS THAT A POLICE?? IM CALLING THE WEED

peel the avocado: please stop

ultimatePENIS: this is the WEED police!! put ur hands up HIGH!!!

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: was

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: was that pun intentional

omaGOD: MOVING ON

omaGOD: well not that its unclear but YOU GUYS ARE RIGHT

Hermione GAYnger: that was too easy

omaGOD: next one!!!!

omaGOD: a google search!!!

shylock homos: dear god

Hermione GAYnger: my heart is pounding

shirogaNYA: im shaking

xxxTIDDIESxxx: im weak

peel the avocado: knees week

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: arms are heavy

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: vomit’s on his sweater already

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: M O M ‘ S  S P A G H U E T T I

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: EYYYYY KEEBO

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: WELL DONE

omaGOD: A H E M

omaGOD: anyways this is the search:

omaGOD: “how to deal with raising teenagers”

delete your account: oh wow

Hermione GAYnger: hmmmm

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: who said that tho??

god is dead and we killed him: uuuhh

ultimatePENIS: let me think

shylock homos: its so obvious

shylock homos: do you guys seriously not know??

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: bro all of us are teenagers, which one of us needs to raise teenagers??

shylock homos: wow kaito you really are a dumbass

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: WHAT

delete your account: OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH

omaGOD: THAT’S MY BOYFRIEND

god is dead and we killed him: ROASTED

catch these lesbian hands: HA GET CUCKED YOU DEGENERATE

Hermione GAYnger: CONSIDER YOURSELF C U C K E D

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: I feel so loved

shylock homos: NO ONE KNOWS WHO SEARCHED THAT??

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: I cannot think of anyone…

shylock homos: guys

shylock homos: ITS KIRUMI

god is dead and we killed him: OOOOOHHHHHHHHH

catch these lesbian hands: THAT MAKES SENSE

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: oh I see. makes sense

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: but kirumi is a teenager like us, why does she need help raising a teen?

mothergoose: not a teen

mothergoose: more like 15

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: fifteen?!

shylock homos: keebs shes talking about us

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: oh

hey soul sister: aahh that’s understandable

mothergoose: well done shuichi. ive raised you well

shylock homos: thank you mother

omaGOD: MOM HOW COULD YOU

mothergoose: I thought I told you to stop calling me “mom”

omaGOD: but everyone else calls you mom!

mothergoose: everyone can call me mom

mothergoose: anyone but you

omaGOD: D:

mothergoose: anyways, I have business I must attend to. please continue your… game.

god is dead and we killed him: you got it mom!

peel the avocado: sure thing mom!

hey soul sister: yes, mother.

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: understood ma

xxxTIDDIESxxx: YES DADDY

catch these lesbian hands: miu what the fuck

mothergoose: actually make that 14 teenagers

mothergoose: consider yourself disowned, iruma

xxxTIDDIESxxx: WHAT

peel the avocado: OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH

omaGOD: wow that was boring

omaGOD: next one!!

omaGOD: oooo it’s a quote

omaGOD: “everytime I talk to kiyo he ends up towering over me and my eyes end up at the same level of his crotch”

hey soul sister: what

god is dead and we killed him: dssdjkskjjksjdkjsj

ultimatePENIS: BVCDRTYUJBVCERYBVCDEYUJBVCFDSE

Hermione GAYnger: huh

catch these lesbian hands: well then

peel the avocado: ITS RYOMA

omaGOD: HOW DO YOU KNOW

peel the avocado: BECAUSE 1) HES SHORT

peel the avocado: 2) IVE MADE THIS EXACT OBSERVATION BEFORE

peel the avocado: AND IVE TOLD HIM THIS EXACT THING

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: fuck you rantaro

peel the avocado: “yknow ryoma at your height you could stare kiyo square in the dick without being too obvious”

xxxTIDDIESxxx: YTREWSXCVBKOIUYTRESCVBKOIUYTRESCVBN

Hermione GAYnger: YOOOOOOOOOO

shylock homos: WOW RYOMA

ultimatePENIS: WELL DONE

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: HEY ITS NOT LIKE U PURPOUSEFULLY DID IT

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: I ACCIDENTALY LOWERED MY HEAD AND MY EYES JUST HAPPENED TO LAND THERE

hey soul sister: …accidentaly?

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: they just happened to land there?

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: I THOUGHT IT WAS SUBTLE ENOUGH FOR YOU NOT TO NOTICE

hey soul sister: if you think you were being subtle you are highly mistaken

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: im gonna kick you in the crotch if you don’t stfu

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: hey ryoma

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: what

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: I don’t think your foot can reach his crotch, maybe try headbutting it instead

god is dead and we killed him: OOOF

ultimatePENIS: CXKBVDSRTYUIKNBVCSERUIKJBVCSERTY

shylock homos: WOW NICE GOING KAITO UR ABOUT TO DIE

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: WAIT NO

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: RYOMA THAT WAS A JOKE

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: MAKI HELP ME

delete your account: you brought this upon yourself

delete your account: you’re on your own

shirogaNYA: YEEEOUCH

catch these lesbian hands: WELL DONE MAKI

Hermione GAYnger: RIP KAITO

omaGOD: well you guys were right first of all

omaGOD: second of all, kiyo, I wanted to let you know that I also happen to stare directly at your dick when we talk

hey soul sister: w h a t

omaGOD: A N Y W A Y S  NEXT ONE

Hermione GAYnger: WAIT

omaGOD: ya?

Hermione GAYnger: before we continue

Hermione GAYnger: let me just do one thing

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: uh

shirogaNYA: sure thing

shylock homos: im scared

Hermione GAYnger changed hey soul sister’s name to shinGUCCI

catch these lesbian hands: OH MY GOD

ultimatePENIS: MNGCYFGHVDESRTYUYIHCESEWUTYUIY

catch these lesbian hands: WELL DONE HIMIKO

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: THANK YOU

god is dead and we killed him: THANK YOU FOR DOING ATUA’S WORK

shinGUCCI: why this all of a sudden?

Hermione GAYnger: idk

Hermione GAYnger: I just repeated your name in my head and then poof

shinGUCCI: to be fair, this is much better than that god forbidden name you gave me earlier.

omaGOD: oh you mean

shinGUCCI: don’t you dare

omaGOD: minionfucker69? ;)

shinGUCCI: I swear to god

omaGOD: ANYWAYS LETS CONTINUE

omaGOD: this next one is a google search

omaGOD: “funny bug videos”

peel the avocado: gonta

ultimatePENIS: gonta

shylock homos: gonta

xxxTIDDIESxxx: gonta

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: gonta

shinGUCCI: gonta

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: gonta

delete your account: gonta

catch these lesbian hands: gonta

Hermione GAYnger: gonta

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: gonta

shirogaNYA: gonta

god is dead and we killed him: gonta

omaGOD: come on that was easy

they-followin-me-ma: gonta likes watching funny bug videos! :D

ultimatePENIS: I just started crying

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: we love you gonta

peel the avocado: you are amazing

shinGUCCI: such a pure boy

catch these lesbian hands: the only non-degenerate male here

shylock homos: you’re doing amazing sweetie

shirogaNYA: the only tolerable one here

Hermione GAYnger: best boy best boy best boy

mothergoose: out of all of my children, you are my favourite

god is dead and we killed him: you deserve the world

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: anyone who says otherwise can feel my wrath

delete your account: if anyone disses gonta I will personally go over to your room and stab you in the eyes

they-followin-me-ma: gonta love everyone too! :DD

omaGOD: …moving on

omaGOD: oooooo the next one is a quote!

xxxTIDDIESxxx: BRING IT

omaGOD: “whats up I am homosexual. I like cock. dick. penis. alla dat. you cnt even judge me. yeah im gay but so what. sowhat. swht. ill say it again, I like men. me? het? nah bro”

shirogaNYA: wh

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: wow

catch these lesbian hands: me at like 3 am but replace all the dude stuff with girl stuff

Hermione GAYnger: we get it, tenko, ur a lesbian

god is dead and we killed him: that could be any of the dudes

shinGUCCI: what is with all the spelling mistakes?

omaGOD: this was actually a text I got at 3 am on a Monday a couple weeks ago

delete your account: why does stuff like this always happen at 3 am

peel the avocado: im actually very curious as to who said this

peel the avocado: we can rule all the girls out soo

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: nope

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: wasn’t me

shinGUCCI: god I hope not

shylock homos: not me

peel the avocado: well it wasn’t me soooooo

omaGOD: hmmph

omaGOD: one of you said it

omaGOD: you just don’t remember

omaGOD: isn’t that right

omaGOD: BABE? ;)

shylock homos: huh

shylock homos: WHAT

shirogaNYA: WHWHWHWHWH WHAT

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: WAIT HOLY SHIT

xxxTIDDIESxxx: HOT DAMN SHYHARA

ultimatePENIS: SHUICHI OH MY GOD

shinGUCCI: WELL THEN

peel the avocado: NFYJNBVCDSRTYUKNBVCXDSRTYUIJ

peel the avocado: RELATABLE AS F U CK

shylock homos: WHEN DID I SAY THIS

omaGOD: I have proof shu

omaGOD: don’t escape the truth

xxxTIDDIESxxx: theres nothing wrong with liking COCK

shylock homos: I must have been disassociating real bad cause I don’t remember this AT ALL

shirogaNYA: well it was 3 am so

catch these lesbian hands: understandable

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: what kind of drugs were you on bro holy shit

xxxTIDDIESxxx: shyhara doesn’t do drugs

xxxTIDDIESxxx: he has the bravery of one (1) chicken nugget do you really think he would do drugs

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: that’s true

omaGOD: anyway it was the biggest mood I had ever read and I want it framed

shylock homos: …thank I guess

omaGOD: aaaannnd here’s another google search!

omaGOD: “what the fuck is a shot put ball”

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: compared to the other ones this one is actually normal

delete your account: who types “what the fuck is” when they wanna know what something is??

Hermione GAYnger: this person, apparently

god is dead and we killed him: why a shot put ball???

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: I have no clue why but I feel as if this was rantaro

omaGOD: C O R R E C T

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon : EYYYYYYYY

peel the avocado : im not mad. it was a genuine question

catch these lesbian hands: wow kaito actually got something right!!

Hermione GAYnger: good job!!

mothergoose: mother is proud of you.

they-followin-me-ma: gonta is proud of you!!!

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: you guys are praising me yet I feel offended somehow

shylock homos: why a shot put ball?

peel the avocado: cause I wasn’t exactly sure what it was

shylock homos: dude what did you think a shot put ball was??

peel the avocado: idk

peel the avocado: I thought it was a euphemism

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: there it is

catch these lesbian hands: it always relates back to penis doesn’t it

peel the avocado: I thought it meant like. grabbing a dick

shirogaNYA: I swear to god if you hit paste and let loose the lenny face I will conk you in the head with a shot put ball

peel the avocado: CHILL

peel the avocado: yknow I had a dream like that once

god is dead and we killed him: what

shinGUCCI: huh?

peel the avocado: I had a dream where tsumugi killed me with a shot put ball

peel the avocado: that’s why I wanted to know what they were

xxxTIDDIESxxx: what kind of fucked up dreams were you having

peel the avocado: theres also this bear

peel the avocado: he kinda looks like usami but hes black on one side and white on the other

peel the avocado: n hes got a red eye

peel the avocado: not to mention that all of you are there too

peel the avocado: and we’re being forced to kill each other

catch these lesbian hands: mhm

Hermione GAYnger: sure jan

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: you okay dude

xxxTIDDIESxxx: NOW THAT’S SOME FUCKED UP SHIT

god is dead and we killed him: well then

shinGUCCI: turns out that shuichi’s not the one on drugs, but rantaro

delete your account: im leaving

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: yep bye

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: this is getting weird

peel the avocado: WAIT GUYS PLEASE

omaGOD: yeeeaaah im gonna gooooo

omaGOD: the game will continue later ;))

ultimatePENIS: ill be in my lab disassociating for 5 hours if anybody needs me

peel the avocado: AW COME ON

peel the avocado: GUYS

peel the avocado: well I might as well go to

peel the avocado: if anybody needs me, ill be wandering around

peel the avocado: avoiding the library

Chapter Text

----Saturday, November 25^th, 11:37pm---

omaGOD: lets resume!!!!

shinGUCCI: lets. not

god is dead and we killed him: please no

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: lemme get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: no

catch these lesbian hands: ugh

Hermione GAYnger: hhhhhhhhhh no

omaGOD: come on guys!!!!!

xxxTIDDIESxxx: die you cummy fucker

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: still haven’t forgiven you for my username :I

delete your account: go cuck yourself

omaGOD: well

omaGOD: whatevs

omaGOD: so far, kirumi, angie, shuichi, gonta, ryoma, miu, kaito and rantaro have all been guessed

omaGOD: ssooooo YALL ARE SAFE

peel the avocado: not safe from the bear that haunts my dreams

delete your account: stfu rantaro nobody cares

peel the avocado: :(

peel the avocado: I didn’t die for this :((((

shylock homos: whos not here??

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: I saw keebo earlier, he was hiding from soda

delete your account: again???

delete your account: hes. Always hiding

Hermione GAYnger: I have a spell to make him go away

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: …pardon?

catch these lesbian hands: Wow himiko!!! Lets hear it!!!

Hermione GAYnger: “RAVIOLI RAVIOLI DON’T LEWD K1-B-OLI”

peel the avocado: …creative

xxxTIDDIESxxx: AWWWWWEE YEEEEEEEE

ShinGUCCI: I highly doubt that will work.

Hermione GAYnger: :(

catch these lesbian hands: hey kiyo

ShinGUCCI: what

catch these lesbian hands: ravioli ravioli go fuck yourselfioli

ShinGUCCI: …

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: EYYYY

xxxTIDDIESxxx: B E A U T I F U L

ultimatePENIS: nice anime reference!!!

shirogaNYA: …spongebob?

god is dead and we killed him: oooo you pissed off tsumugi

god is dead and we killed him: she gonna write a tunglr blog post about how “commoners” are “ruinning anime”

shirogaNYA: take that back piano dumbass >:I

ultimatePENIS: I know what I said

ultimatePENIS: >:3

omaGOD: anybody else missing???

shylock homos: wheres mom?

Hermione GAYnger: kirumi is with teruteru

ShinGUCCI: OH NO

god is dead and we killed him: dear atua,,,,,

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: god save kirumi

ultimatePENIS: she doesn’t deserve this!!!

catch these lesbian hands: I hope kirumi fucking kills him

xxxTIDDIESxxx: LMAO SAME

shylock homos: why???

shylock homos: what did sausage italiano ever do to you???

ultimatePENIS: s a u s a g e  i t a l i a n o

xxxTIDDIESxxx: HE KEEPS TALKING ABOUT HIS MEAT

xxxTIDDIESxxx: LIKE

xxxTIDDIESxxx: STOP TRYNA GET ME TO SUCK YA DICK MARIO MINION GREMLIN

shirogaNYA: o m g

Hermione GAYnger: DRTYUKNBVCDERTYUJFDRTYUNBVCDRTYU

god is dead and we killed him: M A R I O  M I N I O N  G R E M L I N

ShinGUCCI: E N O U G H

peel the avocado: im sure they’ll be cooking a mean sausage ;))))

mothergoose: correct

mothergoose: however

mothergoose: the only sausage going on the chopping block is his own.

shirogaNYA: YOOOOOOOOOO

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: MOM STRIKES BACK

xxxTIDDIESxxx: OOOFF KILLEM DADDY

god is dead and we killed him: MIU FOR THE LOVE OF ATUA IM BEGGING YOU

mothergoose: miu. You are grounded

xxxTIDDIESxxx: WHAT

xxxTIDDIESxxx: HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO YOUR OWN CHILD???

xxxTIDDIESxxx: YOUR FAVOURITE OUT OF YOUR 15 CHILDREN???

mothergoose: Fifteen? I could have sworn I only have 14.

catch these lesbian hands: YOU’VE BEEN DISSOWNED

xxxTIDDIESxxx: NOOOO

xxxTIDDIESxxx: MOTHER MINION WHY

god is dead and we killed him: S T O P

delete your account: JFC

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: IM YELLING

shylock homos: OH GOD I CAN HEAR HER CHANTING

xxxTIDDIESxxx: MOTHER MINION MOTHER MINION MOTHER MINION MO

ultimatePENIS: BLEASE. STOP

shinGUCCI: I am this close to fucking killing myself

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: eternal mood right dere

peel the avocado: S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-STOP

omaGOD: inhale

omaGOD: EVERYTIME WE GET ON THIS GOD DAMN CHAT THE TOPIC ALWAYS CHANGES TO MINIONS WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN I SWEAR TO GOD IF WE TALK ABOUT THOSE KINDER EGG SURPRISE CAPSULE LOOKING MOTHERFUCKERS ONE MORE TIME IM THROWING MYSELF OFF A CLIFF AND IM TAKING SHUICHI WITH ME

xxxTIDDIESxxx: ....AND EVERYTIME WE KISS I SWEAR I COULD FLY

shirogaNYA: wow what a bop

god is dead and we killed him: I only listen to REAL music

peel the avocado: only 90s kids remember this one

shylock homos: im not jumping off a cliff with you oma

omaGOD: WHY

shylock homos: im not ready to die

shylock homos: …yet

omaGOD: ARE YOU ABANDONNING ME

omaGOD: BOYFS WHO ARE GAY TOGETHER STAY TOGETHER

omaGOD: BOYFS WHO CRY TOGETHER DIE TOGETHER

omaGOD: BOYFS WHO TEXT EACH OTHER AT 3 AM AND BITCH ABOUT SHITTY CEREAL TOGETHER CAN BE HOMOSEXUAL TOGETHER

ShinGUCCI: that… doesn’t even rhyme

omaGOD: doesn’t have to

omaGOD: our love is THAT strong

catch these lesbian hands: please be gay somewhere else

Hermione GAYnger: okay “catch these lesbian hands”

catch these lesbian hands: ...touché

ultimatePENIS: are we not playing the game???

omaGOD: thanks kaede!!! Nice Segway ;))

omaGOD: NEXT ONE IIISSSSS

omaGOD: a google search!

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: hoo boi

ultimatePENIS: im. scared

god is dead and we killed him: minion porn pt.2

ShinGUCCI: angie I swear to F U C K

xxxTIDDIESxxx: DESPICABLE ME 4

xxxTIDDIESxxx: COMING TO A KIYO NEAR YOU

ShinGUCCI: and im out. Fuck y’all id rather spend time with hiro

Hermione GAYnger: ouch

catch these lesbian hands: that’s harsh

god is dead and we killed him: oof

shirogaNYA: understandable have a nice day

omaGOD: bls. no more minions

shylock homos: I agree. Pls continue oma :p

omaGOD: thanks boo! :)

omaGOD: google search isss: “funny cat videos”

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: gonta

Hermione GAYnger: mhm

god is dead and we killed him: ya

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: yeah

shirogaNYA: obviously

peel the avocado: of course

shylock homos: uh duh

ultimatePENIS: yeep

omaGOD: alla y’all are…

omaGOD: WRONG

shylock homos: what???

omaGOD: GONTAS ALREADY BEEN GUESSED

ultimatePENIS: wait really??? Then I have no clue

god is dead and we killed him: uuuuuhhhhhhhhh

catch these lesbian hands: ive no idea tbh

shylock homos: whoever searched that should just come forward, theres no shame or anythin

xxxTIDDIESxxx: YEAH THERES NO SHAME IN ENJOYING P U S S Y

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: but why would oma choose this search instead of a weird or embarrassing one??

ShinGUCCI: it must have been chosen for being embarrassing, somehow.

Hermione GAYnger: which meannss….

Hermione GAYnger: oma chose it because he knew the culprit would be embarrassed about admitting it!!

catch these lesbian hands: GOOD DEDUCTION WORK HIMIKO!!! :D

shirogaNYA: culprit?

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: this aint a killing game, himiko

peel the avocado: it is

peel the avocado: IN MY NIGHTMARES

delete your account: I thought I told you to stfu

shylock homos: wait kiyo ur still here??

shylock homos: I thought you were with hiro???

ShinGUCCI: I was on my way to meet with him

ShinGUCCI: however

ShinGUCCI: I found him eating a banana whole

ShinGUCCI: like. Without even peeling it

ShinGUCCI: I think there were tear stains down his cheeks

shirogaNYA: omg

peel the avocado: god I wish I was there

xxxTIDDIESxxx: BLEASE TELL ME YOU SPOKE TO HIM

ShinGUCCI: yes

ShinGUCCI: he looked me dead in the eyes and said:

ShinGUCCI: “ive been trying to peel it for the past 2 hours. ive given up at this point”

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: me as fuck

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: relatable

god is dead and we killed him: two hours????

god is dead and we killed him: jfc

ShinGUCCI: I left without saying a word.

ultimatePENIS: JHDSWEYUIKNBVCDSEUIJVCDSEUI

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: EYYYYYYYYY THAT’S B R U T A L

xxxTIDDIESxxx: WAIT

xxxTIDDIESxxx: DID YOU SAY

xxxTIDDIESxxx: B A N A N A S??

ShinGUCCI: talk about minions again and im going over to your lab and breaking everything in sight

xxxTIDDIESxxx: ee

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: wow she shut up pretty fast

god is dead and we killed him: finally!!! some quiet!!!

omaGOD: im taking it that nobody has any guesses??

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: nope. Honestly I have no clue

delete your account: of course you don’t kaito

delete your account: you’re clueless as fucc

shirogaNYA: AYOYE D’ON

god is dead and we killed him: OOF

ultimatePENIS: SIZZLED

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: y know what

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: just for that

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: im gonna go ahead and say it

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: it was maki

catch these lesbian hands: ppftt

Hermione GAYnger: yeah nice try

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: do you honestly think wed believe that??

god is dead and we killed him: theres no way it was maki

shylock homos: ya man

UltimatePENIS: mhm

omaGOD: …

ultimatePENIS: oma??

omaGOD: D I N G D I N G D I N G

shirogaNYA: wh

omaGOD: LUMINARY OF THE STARS GETS IT RIGHT

shylock homos: he W H A T

god is dead and we killed him: :oo

ultimatePENIS: BVCDSTYUJBVCDSERTYUJHVGCFD

delete your account: FUCK YOU

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hermione GAYnger: NOW I SEE WHY OMA CHOSE THAT ONE

Hermione GAYnger: I NEVER THOUGHT MS ULTIMATE ASSASIN WOULD LIKE THT KIND OF STUFF

xxxTIDDIESxxx: EYYYYYYYYY

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: THAT WAS UNEXPECTED

ShinGUCCI: OH MY

delete your account has deleted themselves from The REAL Disaster of the Ultimate Academy

omaGOD: …whoops

ultimatePENIS: aww man

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: brb ill go talk to her

Hermione GAYnger: I hope she doesn’t think we’re making fun of her :(

catch these lesbian hands: maybe we should put the game on pause

omaGOD: good idea

omaGOD: we’ll resume later!!!

omaGOD: ;D

---Saturday, November 25^th, 1:04pm---

delete your account has joined The REAL Disaster of the Ultimate Academy

delete your account: im back.

delete your account: nobody say a word.

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: understood

shylock homos: u got it

shirogaNYA: yep

Hermione GAYnger: absolutely

catch these lesbian hands: mhm

god is dead and we killed him: sure thing

omaGOD: …now then

omaGOD: is everyone here??

ShinGUCCI: Apart from keebo, I believe so

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: actually, I decided to join you all.

they-followin-me-ma: Welcome keebo! :D

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: Hello, Gonta! :)

shirogaNYA: pure

xxxTIDDIESxxx: so… did soda catch you??

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: no, usami found out and started scolding him.

xxxTIDDIESxxx: serves him right!!!

omaGOD: eyyy so we all here!!

shylock homos: wait

shylock homos: where are kaede and kirumi?

catch these lesbian hands: I went to speak with Chef Mario but he told me kirumi had not stayed with him long

peel the avocado: C H E F  M A R I O

xxxTIDDIESxxx: did he ask you to suck his dick??

catch these lesbian hands: he sure did

catch these lesbian hands: I Neo-Akido’ed the degenerate to the wall

Hermione GAYnger: mhm

Hermione GAYnger: I was there

Hermione GAYnger: it was fucking exhilarating

Hermione GAYnger: I filmed it

xxxTIDDIESxxx: OOOFFOFF I GOTTA SEE THAT

peel the avocado: SEND IT TO ME

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: I’m sure he enjoyed it

xxxTIDDIESxxx: LMAO PROBS

shirogaNYA: wait, so then where IS kirumi??

god is dead and we killed him: I believe she is helping the Headmaster!

omaGOD: of course she is

shylock homos: she just cant ignore her duties, can she?

ShinGUCCI: understandable, but what about Kaede?

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: She might be in her lab, I think she has a piano performance coming up soon

shylock homos: lets just leave them to their things

ShinGUCCI: yes, lets.

omaGOD: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT

omaGOD: LETS DO A FEW MORE

omaGOD: NEXT WE HAVE A QUOTE

shylock homos: ooooo

shinGUCCI: lets hear it

shirogaNYA: I haven’t been guessed yet. Im scared

omaGOD: “correct me if im wrong, but I believe you are an “ignorant slut”

delete your account: oh my god

peel the avocado: MNVCSRTYJBVDERTYUIKJVDSERTYUJNBVCDSW

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: H O T  D A M N

ShinGUCCI: :OO

shirogaNYA: HOLY S H IT

xxxTIDDIESxxx: THIS IS INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!!

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: well

omaGOD: ;)))

delete your account: If I had to guess, I would say keebo.

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: ….OOOOOHHHHH

xxxTIDDIESxxx: HELL YYYYYYYEEEEEEAAHH

xxxTIDDIESxxx: NO ONE ELSE COULD INSULT LIKE THAT IN SUCH A POLITE TONE

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: …

ShinGUCCI: Is that an admission of guilt?

god is dead and we killed him: WOW!

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: Guilty as charged, it seems :P

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: I simply heard Miu say it one day to describe an ignorant person.

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: Well done, Miu

xxxTIDDIESxxx: HEY WHY YOU BLAMING ME

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: Its like a baby copying everything the mom says :D

xxxTIDDIESxxx: SHUT THE FUCK UP MEMEMOTA

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME

Hermione GAYnger: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH

catch these lesbian hands: ASDFGHJKL’MNBVCDER

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: I do not understand, what was the problem?

ShinGUCCI: Do you not understand what you said?

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: …just drop it

delete your account: google it, keebo

god is dead and we killed him >:3

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com: Very well.

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: 3…2…1…

www.do-robots-have-dicks.com has deleted themselves from The REAL Disaster of the Ultimate Academy

peel the avocado: HFDWERTYUJHGFDEUHGFDEYUHGFDE

shirogaNYA: THAT REMINDS ME OF WHEN IN MOVIES A CHARACTER GETS BITTEN BY A ZOMBIE AND IT DOESN’T KICK IN RIGHT AWAY

Hermione GAYnger: THAT WAS GLORIOUS

shylock homos: I CAN HEAR DISTRESSED KEEBO NOISES

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: HAHAHAAAAA

xxxTIDDIESxxx: YOU’VE MADE KEEBOY SAD

omaGOD: …that was boring lmao

omaGOD: lets do one more!!

Delete your account: finally this god forbidden game is ending

god is dead and we killed him: we are free

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: glorious day!!

shirogaNYA: !!!!!!!!

ShinGUCCI: AT LONG LAST

omaGOD: :(

omaGOD: anyway heres the quote:

omaGOD: “everytime people talk about their het crushes in front of me I lose 20 years of my life and grow ever so closer to finally dying”

Hermione GAYnger: oh my god

god is dead and we killed him: biggest mood right there

peel the avocado: itsa me

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: finally something interesting

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: hMhm I wOndEr WhO couLD hAve SAid thaT

delete your account: tenko.

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: :( ur ruining the suspense :((

ShinGUCCI: what suspense?

catch these lesbian hands: Im not ashamed!!

catch these lesbian hands: Its Fact bitch!!

Hermione GAYnger: yep

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: quite right

god is dead and we killed him: I agree!

omaGOD: that was disappointing!!! But the games over now :((

xxxTIDDIESxxx: HALLELUHJIA

shinGUCCI: I… don’t think that’s how you spell it

xxxTIDDIESxxx: I DNT FCKING CARE

xxxTIDDIESxxx: NOW SUPREME FUCKER CAN LEAVE ME ALONE

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: FINALLY

Hermione GAYnger: F I N A L L Y

shirogaNYA: IM GONE!! YEET BITCH!!!

god is dead and we killed him: Good bye atua-damned idiot!!

shylock homos: W A IT

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: bro what are you doing

delete your account: what is it this time?

shylock homos: theres one more google search to guess

catch these lesbian hands: UGHHHHH

xxxTIDDIESxxx: SHYHARA WHAT THE F U C K

god is dead and we killed him: LET US LEAVE

peel the avocado: DUDE WHY

omaGOD: there is???

ShinGUCCI: why are you surprised?

xxxTIDDIESxxx: aren’t you two in kahoots?

omaGOD: I didn’t know there was a last one??

shylock homos: indeed there is.

shylock homos: “How to top when you are 5ft tall”

ShinGUCCI: …wh

xxxTIDDIESxxx: NEVERMIND IM STAYING FOR THIS SHIT

peel the avocado: FGGVHFYRTHGFRTYHBVCDRTYJB

catch these lesbian hands: RYOMA IS THAT YOU

Hermione GAYnger: NAH MAN RYOMA IS 3FT TALL AND HE AINT GOT NO ONE TO TOP

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: I TAKE NO OFFENSE TO THAT SOMEHOW

god is dead and we killed him: WOW!!!! HOT DAMN!!!!

xxxTIDDIESxxx: I MEAN IT’S A VALID QUESTION

xxxTIDDIESxxx: HOW D O E S A 5FT TALL GREMLIN TOP??

delete your account: why don’t you ask shuichi, im sure he’d know first hand.

shylock homos: :I

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: YOOOOO

xxxTIDDIESxxx: THIS BOY IS A BOTTOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM

ShinGUCCI: That would mean the search belongs to kokichi, yes?

omaGOD: SHU HOW COULD YOUUUU

shylock homos: that’s payback for this god damned game

catch these lesbian hands: OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH

Hermione GAYnger: OMA PUTS RESEARCH INTO IT AT LEAST

Hermione GAYnger: MIU COULD USE A BIT OF THAT

xxxTIDDIESxxx: W H A T

catch these lesbian hands: ROAST HER HIMIKO

shylock homos changed omaGOD’s username to how to top when you are 5ft tall

shylock homos: this your punishment

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: into the baby jail you go

how to top when you are 5ft tall: COME ON SHU

how to top when you are 5ft tall: AT LEAST KNOW THAT IM PUTTING RESEARCH INTO IT!!

shylock homos: doesn’t feel like that to me

delete your account: ..what

xxxTIDDIESxxx: FUCKING OWNED BITCH

shirogaNYA: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: and on that note, im leaving

god is dead and we killed him: yeah ive got a minion commission to redo

ShinGUCCI: and ive got an angie to kill

xxxTIDDIESxxx: IVE GOT A SODA TO EVISCERATE

they-followin-me-ma: Gonta go see Gundham and his cute hamsters! :D

shirogaNYA: I HAVE TO SEE THAT

shirogaNYA: I MIGHT JUST CRY FROM THE PURENESS

delete your account: im gonna find peko so we can bond over our hatred for kokichi

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: im gonna play Mario galaxy with chiaki

peel the avocado: ILL COME WITH YOU

peel the avocado: im gonna be luigi!!

catch these lesbian hands: Mondo challenged me to a fight so im gonna go kick his ass

Hermione GAYnger: Im gonna watch!!

shylock homos: I’m gonna go find kaede.

how to top when you are 5ft tall: YOU’RE ALL LEAVING ME AGAIN??

how to top when you are 5ft tall: well whatevs

how to top when you are 5ft tall: im going with shu

how to top when you are 5ft tall: I cant just leave him

how to top when you are 5ft tall: TOPLESS ;)

---Saturday, November 25^th, 5:24pm---

this is how we do things in my country created a Group Chat

this is how we do things in my country: Alrighty! Welcome everyone!

lemme kill myselfie: there are. A lot of new names here

Marie Antoinette: it is my name in my dorm group chat

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH: same here!!!

my suspicions are confirmed: I think we can determine who is who, correct?

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: well, I recognize a few from my dorm’s group chat

my suspicions are confirmed: to aid us, please type your names.

my suspicions are confirmed: Kirigiri

stab me daddy: Peko

literally crying: mmmikkan

Marie Antoinette: Celestia

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: Chiaki

Ultimate Little Sister: Komaru

this is how we do things in my country: Sonia

k a w a i i: sayaka

lemme kill myselfie: mahiru

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH: Ibuki!

my suspicions are confirmed: there, that is much better.

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: sayaka I hate your username

k a w a i i: blame hifumi

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: that’s my usual game plan :)

lemme kill myselfie: Where is hiyoko?

stab me daddy: Please do not invite her in here, allow Mikan a safe space.

literally crying: tthhaankk youyu ppeko :’(

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH: AWWWWW THAT’S SO CUTE, LOOKING AFTER HER AND ALL THAT

stab me daddy: …

lemme kill myselfie: yeah, maybe hiyoko shouldn’t be in here

Ultimate Little Sister: why aren’t any of the harmony dorm members here?

Marie Antoinette: we cannot let them interfere.

k a w a i i: wait, this isn’t a girl group chat?

k a w a i i: …soooo what is this?

my suspicions are confirmed: ah yes, sayaka, I believe you were absent during our discussion.

my suspicions are confirmed: as you may have noticed, those who were added are the friend groups of Kaede and Kirumi.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH: …what about leon??

lemme kill myselfie: hes a dude!! Keep him out

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH: but hes in our music club!

lemme kill myselfie: :I

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH: I guess ur right tho. He wouldn’t fit into this

my suspicions are confirmed: …anyways

my suspicions are confirmed: Sayaka, Ibuki, Komaru, Mahiru and Chiaki are in Kaede’s friend group.

my suspicions are confirmed: Celes, Sonia, Mikan, Peko and I are in Kirumi’s friend group.

literally crying: yyyess, tthtsass right

stab me daddy: Mikan, are you alright?

this is how we do things in my country: I believe she is having trouble typing correctly because of her trembling :(

literally crying: iiiimmmhiiimm sorryyyryy!!!

Ultimate Little Sister: Don’t worry about it, Mikan! You don’t need to apologize :D

Marie Antoinette: perfect. We are getting along nicely.

k a w a i i: sooo what was the group chat made for?

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: we need to discuss our plan.

k a w a i i: …plan?

my suspicions are confirmed named the group chat Operation: The Maid and the Pianist

Chapter Text

-Saturday, November 25^th, 10:12am---

Nagito Komaeda added Hajime Hinata, Sonia Nevermind, Kazuichi Soda, Mikan Tsumiki, Teruteru Hanamura, Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu, Mahiru Koizumi, Akane Owari, Nekomaru Nidai, Chiaki Nanami, Hiyoko Saonji, Ibuki Mioda, Gundham Tanaka and Peko Pekoyama to the group chat.

Mikan Tsumiki was kicked from the group chat

Nagito Komaeda changed the group name to Goodbye my Fucking Sanity

Nagito Komaeda: he

Nagito Komaeda: he

Nagito Komaeda: H E W W O

Mahiru Koizumi: dear lord

Hiyoko Saonji: god fucking damn it

Hajime Hinata: boi what

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu: what the fuck is this

Nagito Komaeda: Harmony Dorm is always using their group chat!!! We have to beat them!!!

Chiaki Nanami: …beat them?

Nagito Komaeda: yes!!! sooooo

Nagito Komaeda: to start, get rid of ur boring names

Nagito Komaeda: or ill do it for you

Hajime Hinata: is that a threat

Ibuki Mioda: ppftt. wats the worst u could do

Nagito Komaeda: >:3

Nagito Komaeda changed Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu name to $B4by G4nGt3r$

Hiyoko Saonji: HOLY SHIT

Mahiru Koizumi: YOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ibuki Mioda: EEYYYYYYYYYY

Chiaki Nanami: AMAZING

Akane Owari: JUST LIKE GOD INTENDED

Nekomaru Nidai: my eyes hurt from reading that

Gundham Tanaka: an appropriate title, I must say.

Kazuichi Soda: JUST GOT BACK

Kazuichi Soda: WHAT DID I MISS

Mahiru Koizumi: WHAT DID IIII MISSS

Ibuki Mioda: HEAD FIRST INTO THE POLITICAL ABYSS

Chiaki Nanami: H E A D  F I R S T

Mahiru Koizumi: (into the abyss)

Ibuki Mioda: EYYYYYYYYYYYY

Mahiru Koizumi: EYYYYYYYYY

Chiaki Nanami: EYYYYYYYYY

Kazuichi Soda: what

Nekomaru Nidai: is this some kind of cult chant

Hajime Hinata: nagito

Hajime Hinata: dude

Hajime Hinata: I think you’ve forgotten that fuyuhiko literally has a personal hitman

Hajime Hinata: youll be dead in a few minutes

Nagito Komaeda: f i n a l l y

Mahiru Koizumi: relatable as fuck

Peko Pekoyama: what is this?

Hiyoko Saonji: there she is

Mahiru Koizumi: boss baby ask her to kill nagito

Nagito Komaeda: kiss me urself u fuckin pussy

$B4by G4nGt3r$: whatever. not even mad

Kazuichi Soda: boiiii don’t lie

Mahiru Koizumi: oh so that loud crashing wasn’t the sound of you punching the wall?

Mikan Tsumiki joined the group

Mikan Tsumiki: oh no!! arreee yyour knuckles okkoay? D:

Ibuki Mioda: hey Mikan!!

Chiaki Nanami: why does it say she joined the group? she should have been added with the rest of us

Mikan Tsumiki: when I got on here, it said that id been removed, iii stayed aaway ccause I thought youu hatteedd memmeee :(

Mahiru Koizumi: someone kicked her when she got on?

Hiyoko Saonji: uh

Gundham Tanaka: no surprise here.

Mahiru Koizumi: HEY

Ibuki Mioda: HIYOKO HOW DARE YOU

Hiyoko Saonji: HEY IT WAS A JOKE CALM IT DOWN

Kazuichi Soda: UUHH GUYS. I CAN HEAR MIKAN CRYING

Ibuki Mioda: OH NO

Mahiru Koizumi: MIKAN ITS OKKAYY

Nekomaru Nidai: not cool you guys

Akane Owari: HEY BLAME HIYOKO

Hiyoko Saonji: oh come on!!! it was funny!!!

Gundham Tanaka: you are not aware of the suffering you will be put through in just a few moments.

Hiyoko Saonji: BOYYIIYYY WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

$B4by G4nGt3r$: …peko just left her room

Hiyoko Saonji: she what

Chiaki Nanami: RIP HIYOKO YOU ABOUT TO GET MURDERED

Kazuichi Soda: SERVES YOU RIGHT

Ibuki Mioda: BYYEEEEE

Akane Owari: PEKO STICKING UP FOR HER GIRLFRIEND YOU GO GIRL

Hajime Hinata: girlfriend??

Akane Owari: well they think we don’t know but… we know

fuy22: oh wait false alarm she went to comfort mikan

Mahiru Koizumi: AAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Akane Owari: AAAAA MY HEART CANT TAKE IT

Chiaki Nanami: THAT’S SO CUTE

Ibuki Mioda: ITS CANON BITCH

Gundham Tanaka: it appears you are safe hiyoko.

Hiyoko Saonji: lmao

Gundham Tanaka: for now.

Nekomaru Nidai: y i k e s

Nagito Komaeda: BACK TO CHANGING USERNAMES

Nagito Komaeda: GET READY FOR THIS

Nagito Komaeda changed Chiaki Nanami’s name to insert video game reference here

insert video game reference here: what!! that’s boring as heck

Nagito Komaeda: well I did say ‘insert video game reference here’

insert video game reference here: hmph

insert video game reference here: u are like a little baby watch this

insert video game reference here changed their name to what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo

Nagito Komaeda: yeah I have no idea what that means

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: >:(

Nagito Komaeda: anyways

Nagito Komaeda changed Peko Pekoyama’s name to stab me daddy

Nagito Komaeda changed Ibuki Mioda’s name to AAAAAAHHHHHHH

Nagito Komaeda changed Gundham Tanaka’s name to Hamster Dance: Screamo Edition

Nagito Komaeda changed Kazuichi Soda’s name to hey wanna touch my socket wrench

Nagito Komaeda changed Akane Owari’s name to I watch gymnastics for the plot

stab me daddy: ...I’m sorry, what?

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: APPROPRIATE

Hamster Dance: Screamo Edition: I refuse to even dignify this with a response.

hey wanna touch my socket wrench: boi. what

i watch gymnastics for the plot: what???

Nagito Komaeda: I ran out of ideas

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: gundham o my god

$B4by G4nGt3r$: FIRST OF ALL

$B4by G4nGt3r$: FUCK YOU NAGITO FOR PUTTING THAT GOD DAMN SONG BACK IN MY HEAD

$B4by G4nGt3r$: SECOND OF ALL

$B4by G4nGt3r$: W H A T

i watch gymnastics for the plot: :I

I watch gymnastics for the plot changed their name to check out my big eyes

lemme kill myselfie: THAT’S EVEN WORSE

Hiyoko Saonji: WOW

hey wanna touch my socket wrench: YEP

hey wanna touch my socket wrench: E Y E S

Nagito Komaeda: ill allow it

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: yaint the boss of this chat

$B4by G4nGt3r$: say yaint again and I swear to fuck

Nagito Komaeda: sooo uhh

Nagito Komaeda changed Mahiru Koizumi’s name to lemme take a selfie

$B4by G4nGt3r$: NO

Hiyoko Saonji: FUCKING BURN IT

$B4by G4nGt3r$: GOD DAMN IT

check out my big eyes: WHOS PLAYING THAT SONG

Nekomaru Nidai: IBUKI TURN THAT MUSIC OFF

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: >:3

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: ibuki

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: >:33

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: don’t you dare

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: >:333

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: When Jason was at the table
I kept on seeing him look at me when he was with that other girl
Do you think he was just doing that to make me jealous?
Because he was totally texting me all night last night
And I don't know if it's a booty call or not
So, like what do you think?
Did you think that girl was pretty?
How did that girl even get in here?
Did you see her?
She's so short and that dress is so tacky
Who wears cheetah?
It's not even summer, why does the DJ keep on playing Summertime Sadness?
After we go to the bathroom, can we go smoke a cigarette?
I really need one
But first,
Let me take a selfie

Can you guys help me pick a filter?
I don't know if I should go with XX Pro or Valencia
I wanna look tan
What should my caption be?
I want it to be clever
How about "Livin' with my bitches, Hashtag live"
I only got 10 likes in the last 5 minutes
Do you think I should take it down?
Let me take another selfie

Wait, pause, Jason just liked my selfie
What a creep
Is that guy sleeping over there?
Yeah, the one next to the girl with no shoes on
That's so ratchet
That girl is such a fake model
She definitely bought all her Instagram followers
Who goes out on Mondays?
Ok, let's go take some shots
Oh no, I feel like I'm gonna throw up
Oh wait, never mind I'm fine
Let's go dance
There's no vodka at this table
Do you know anyone else here?
Oh my god, Jason just texted me
Should I go home with him?
I guess I took a good selfie

Let me take a selfie

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: OH COME ON

check out my big eyes: KILL IT

$B4by G4nGt3r$: FUCKING HELL

Hiyoko Saonji: IBUKI IM GONNA KILL YOU

Nekomaru Nidai: TURN THE MUSIC O F F

lemme take a selfie changed their name to lemme kill myselfie

lemme kill myselfie: much better

Hiyoko Saonji: mood

check out my big eyes: I relate

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: me as fuck

Nagito Komaeda: same

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: eyyyyyyyyYYY

Hajime Hinata: guys could you lighten up a little?

$B4by G4nGt3r$: we cant all be neurotypical, karen

Nagito Komaeda: anyway uhhhh

Nagito Komaeda changed Hiyoko Saonji’s name to minion goblin

minion goblin: hey hey

minion goblin: do you wanna die

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: hey u stole maki’s catchphrase!!!

lemme kill myselfie: why a minion??

check out my big eyes: dude

check out my big eyes: haven’t u heart abt the minion thing from harmony’s chat??

Nagito Komaeda: what thing

check out my big eyes: cock ichi initiated a game of google searches where u had to guess who searched what

check out my big eyes: angie’s one was “minion porn”

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: HGFDERTUIJHGFDERTYUJHGD

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: HOLY WOWW

$B4by G4nGt3r$: UHHH

Nekomaru Nidai: w.hy^??

check out my big eyes: hifumi commissioned a piece of a naked minion statue

$B4by G4nGt3r$: W H AT THE FUCCKK

check out my big eyes: it made korekiyo so FUCIKING pissed

check out my big eyes: he yelled at hifumi in the MIDDLE OF CLASS

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

check out my big eyes: AND HE DESTRYED THE FUCKINGG STATUE

$B4by G4nGt3r$: HOLY SHIT

lemme kill myselfie: WHY A MINION????

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: AMAZZAIGGNG

Teruteru Hanamura: naked minion?

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: oh sheet

Nekomaru Nidai: hes been summoned

lemme kill myselfie: NAGITO ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION

lemme kill myselfie: WHY A MINION

Nagito Komaeda: welcome teruteru!!

Nagito Komaeda: also uhh

Nagito Komaeda: her hair looks like a banana

Nagito Komaeda: u know who likes bananas??

Nagito Komaeda: m I n I o n s

Nagito Komaeda: also shes short. n annoying

minion goblin: HEY

Nagito Komaeda: ALSO EVERYONE THINKS SHES ANNOYING BUT SHES STILL HERE

lemme kill myselfie: BOYYYYYYIYYYYYY

minion goblin: PEKO PLZ KILL HIM 4 ME

stab me daddy: I have yet to forgive you for making mikan cry.

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: HFJGHGSHDRRJKKNKVESAOP

$B4by G4nGt3r$: THAT’S FAIR

minion goblin: IM BEING BULLIED

minion goblin: I CNT BELIEVE YALL

Nagito Komaeda: anywhooooo

Nagito Komaeda: get ready for this

Nagito Komaeda changed Teruteru Hanamura’s name to sausage italiano

sausage italiano: ~very gud~

lemme kill myselfie: fucking stop

Sonia Nevermind: hello everyone!

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: nagito

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: im watching you

check out my big eyes: IF YOU EVEN TRY ANYTHING

Nagito Komaeda changed Sonia Nevermind’s name to smol pure princess very kawaii~

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: UGHHHHHH

$B4by G4nGt3r$: AWFUL

Nekomaru Nidai: WAT THE SHIT

smol pure princess very kawaii~: hey nagito!

Sonia Nevermind changed their name to this is how we do things in my country

this is how we do things in my country: go fuck yourself

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: OH MY GOD

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: YOU ARE INCREDIBLEEE

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: THAT WAS EXILERATING

Hamster Dance: Screamo Edition: ah yes, the dark witch continues to learn the way of a true warrior.

hey wanna touch my socket wrench: ^^what the fucc does that mean

this is how we do things in my country: thank you, gundham!

$B4by G4nGt3r$: u sound kinda salty kazuichi

$B4by G4nGt3r$: could it be

$B4by G4nGt3r$: you are

minion goblin: craving my mgnuggies

check out my big eyes: what the fuck

$B4by G4nGt3r$: …jealous??

hey wanna touch my socket wrench: of what??

$B4by G4nGt3r$: Sonia and gundham’s relationship >:)

check out my big eyes: :OOO

Nekomaru Nidai: well no SHIT

hey wanna touch my socket wrench: THEY HAVE NO RELATIONSHIP

Hamster Dance: Screamo Edition: he is correct.

minion goblin: BOIIII DON’T LIE

-

Conversation between gay gamer and gay princess

gay princess: wow

gay gamer: they are dumb

gay gamer: SO!!! CLUELESS!!!

gay princess: I mean,,, only mahiru, peko, mikan and ibuki know

gay gamer: yeah

gay gamer: ur too in love with me to be with gundham <33

gay princess: yep <333

gay gamer: I love u :DD

gay princess: Me too :333

-

Nagito Komaeda: anyways!!!

Nagito Komaeda changed Nekomaru Nidai’s name to eat shit and die

eat shit and die: I mean,,, I guess

Nagito Komaeda changed Mikan Tsumiki’s name to literally crying

literally crying: fffittininng D::

Nagito Komaeda: and finally,,,,

Nagito Komaeda changed Hajime Hinata’s name to choke on my ahoge

choke on my ahoge: …babe

$B4by G4nGt3r$: what the FUCK

check out my big eyes: y’all need jesus

eat shit and die: agreed.

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: wow! terrible

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: I would put a lenny face here but im too lazy to copy paste

hey wanna touch my socket wrench: relatable

Nagito Komaeda: so all of the usernames are changed!! perfect

choke on my ahoge: are they now?

Nagito Komaeda: yep!!

choke on my ahoge: :I

choke on my ahoge: liar

choke on my ahoge changed Nagito Komaeda’s name to hopexual trash bag

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

hopesexual trash bag: HAJIME HOW DARE YOU

hey wanna touch my socket wrench: someone isn’t getting laid tonight~

Hamster Dance: Screamo Edition: a befitting title.

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: WELL DONE

eat shit and die: SPECTACULAR

$B4by G4nGt3r$: what the fuck! its amazing

this is how we do things in my country: most spectacular!

sausage italiano: did someone say sexual?~

minion goblin: THAT’S PAYBACK MOTHERFUCKER

lemme kill myselfie: YEEEEEEAAAAA

check out my big eyes: ACCURATE

hopesexual trash bag: HEY IM BEING BULLIED

hopesexual trash bag: GUYSS

stab me daddy: anyways, I believe I must go.

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: yep! same here

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: me too

this is how we do things in my country: I should get going as well

hey wanna touch my socket wrench: where are you all going?

lemme kill myselfie: none of ur business degenerate

sausage italiano: stealing tenko’s lines now, are we?

literally crying: hguhiiiuiiii mmuusttt goo gooooo aassweelll :(((

choke on my ahoge: what the heck are they doing?

Hamster Dance: Screamo Edition: it is of no concern to us.

hopesexual trash bag: kinda suspicious tho, riiight?

minion goblin: I hope they plan ur death fuckwad

-

---Operation: Maid and the Pianist---

---Sunday, November 26^th, 7:09pm---

Marie Antoinette: sooo…. any news?

this is how we do things in my country: SORRY FOR BEING LATE

my suspicions are confirmed: no problem, we have just begun.

stab me daddy: has something happened between those two?

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: YEEEPP

AAAAAAHHHHHHH: SOURCES FROM INSIDE THE HARMONY DORM HAVE SAID THAT KAEDE AND KIRUMI WERE GONE ALL DAY YESTERDAY AND THAT NO ONE HAD SEEN THEM

my suspicions are confirmed: however, I can confirm that they were out in town all day together, most likely doing early Christmas shopping.

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: AWWW

Ultimate Little Sister: so uhhh… what now??

Marie Antoinette: I suggest we talk to them both to see how it went.

literally crying: yyyeeepp

this is how we do things in my country: I feel kinda bad…

this is how we do things in my country: it feels like we are meddling in their private affairs…

k a w a i i: I know kaede has a MAJOR crush on kirumi!! she talks about her nonstop

stab me daddy: and kirumi has stated that she also has a crush on kaede, but believes she is in a relationship with shuichi

stab me daddy: she is too afraid to make a move

my suspicions are confirmed: it would be nice to see our friends happy, agreed?

this is how we do things in my country: that’s true!!! its obvious they like each other

Marie Antoinette: well then, tomorrow we will meet with them separately to talk with them.

my suspicions are confirmed: agreed.

-

Kaede closed the door to her room with a thud, and immediately lost all tension in her body.

She threw herself onto her bed, hands clamped over her eyes. She felt like yelling.

After experiencing the greatest day of her life yesterday, how could she not want to scream?

An entire day shopping with her crush, the two just having a great time together? Incredible.

Kirumi was so calm, yet so friendly, yet so serious, yet so funny, yet so smart, yet so-

Kaede’s mind raced on and on as she thought about the pretty maid. Soon, she felt her body grow tired as she began to melt into her covers, sleep overtaking her.

Just then, she heard a bing and noticed something light up at the edge of her vision. Reaching her arm toward the light, she grabbed the object, her phone, and checked the screen, which delayed the drowsiness for a moment or two.

It was a text message from her girl friend’s group chat- a message from Komaru Naegi.

Just before exhaustion won her over, Kaede managed to read the message.

-

---Music Nerds Band Together---

---Sunday, November 26^th, 11:06pm---

Ultimate Little Sister: Hey girl, meet us in the music room after school tomorrow. We gotta discuss your day out with kirumi ;)

-

Chapter Text

---Thursday, December 21^st, 3:33am---

how to top when you are 5ft tall: hhey

how to top when you are 5ft tall: if a human eats a nother human

how to top when you are 5ft tall: with ccnconsent

how to top when you are 5ft tall: is it still cannibalism

shinGUCCI: kokichi

shinGUCCI: it is

shinGUCCI: 3 AM

xxxTIDDIESxxx: hes right tho

shirogaNYA: NO HE DOESN’T

shirogaNYA: I MEAN NO HES NOT

peel the avocado: OUMA WHAT THE FUCK

shylock homos: of course its still cannibalism

how to top when you are 5ft tall: nnno itss not

delete your account: what is it then?

how to top when you are 5ft tall: vore

xxxTIDDIESxxx: JHDERTUJFDSERGFDSEIJ

Hermione GAYnger: SCREW YOU

catch these lesbian hands: wow! what the fuck

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: MOTHER FUCKER

how to top when you are 5ft tall: im not a motherfuckerr

how to top when you are 5ft tall: thhheres only 1 motherrfcucker here

catch these lesbian hands: WHO?

how to top when you are 5ft tall: kkaede

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: oh my god

xxxTIDDIESxxx: WHAT

shirogaNYA: KIRUMATSU CONFIRMED

ultimatePENIS: whats going on?? im fuking tired

shylock homos: nothing!!!

peel the avocado: guys stop

how to top when you are 5ft tall: ayway oooyuuuhhh im tiired but since im basically durnk im gonna change some usernnames

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: don’t

god is dead and we killed him: shuichi put ur bfriend under control!!

shylock homos: what the hell am I supposed to do???

xxxTIDDIESxxx: SUCH LANGUAGE

how to top when you are 5ft tall: y’all rready for this

how to top when you are 5ft tall changed their name to ouma wa mou shindeiru

shirogaNYA: AWW NO FAIR

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: WHAT HHPAAPPENED TO HIS PNUSIHMENT

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: a username like that is punishment enough.

Hermione GAYnger: ryoma why are tttyppingi so nnormmlally?? arrent yyuu tired??

say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole: I am in a constant state of fatigue. nothing fazes me anymore. ive pushed past that and now dwell above. my soul has projected to the astral plane, where it shall remain till the end of my days and beyond my death.

xxxTIDDIESxxx: fucking relate

shinGUCCI: same

shylock homos: same

shirogaNYA: same

delete your account: same

peel the avocado: same

ultimatePENIS: same

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: same

ouma wa mou shindeiru: oh btw rryoma

ouma wa mou shindeiru changed say_goodbye_to_your_kneecaps_asshole’s name to holy fuck it’s sans undertale

holy fuck it’s sans undertale: im gonna fucking kill you

peel the avocado: oh yeah btw in my dreams with the bear thing ryoma got turned to a skeleton

shirogaNYA: steven after nnot surviving

delete your account: shut the fuck up shirogane

mothergoose: whats going on?

shinGUCCI: oh shit

Hermione GAYnger: its mother!!!

mothergoose: go to bed, all of you. we have work to do to prepare the Christmas party.

ouma wa mou shindeiru: yyyepepepeep

ouma wa mou shindeiru: iilll ckeep cchanghing uusernameessse tommoroow ;)))             

---Thursday, December 21^st, 10:23am---

ouma wa mou shindeiru: heyyy!!

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: FUCK

delete your account: dear lord

god is dead and we killed him: go away!!

catch these lesbian hands: UUUGGHHHH

Hermione GAYnger: boii!!!

ouma wa mou shindeiru: wow. really feeling the love

shylock homos: babe come over

shylock homos: I think im sick

ouma wa mou shindeiru: :OO

ouma wa mou shindeiru: IM ON MY WAY IM BRINGING BLANKETS

mothergoose: shall I bring hot chocolate?

ouma wa mou shindeiru: yes mom!!!

holy fuck it’s sans undertale: this is so pure oh my gosh

shinGUCCI: sorry for yelling at you kokichi

Hermione GAYnger: goals

ouma wa mou shindeiru: okay!! now

ouma wa mou shindeiru: LETS CONTINUE

shinGUCCI: OH GOD DAMMIT

Hermione GAYnger: nevermind! go fuck yourself!

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: it was fun while it lasted

xxxTIDDIESxxx: fuck u im changing my own username

xxxTIDDIESxxx changed their name to agar.io is basically just a vore orgy

delete your account: I am going to fucking ASSASSINATE YOU

ouma wa mou shindeiru: EYYYY

holy fuck it’s sans undertale: WHAT THE FUCK

shinGUCCI: …shes not wrong

Hermione GAYnger: SHUT THE FUCK UP SHINGUCCI

catch these lesbian hands: MIU I SWEAR TO FUCK

peel the avocado: JKHHJNHFYESRAEWJIOMKLMLRDA

shylock homos: I just got 10 times sicker

ouma wa mou shindeiru: a n y w a y

ouma wa mou shindeiru changed delete your account’s name to ass ass in

ass ass in: any uhhh get ready to die

buzz lightyear, first man on the moon: kill him babe!! I believe in u

ouma wa mou shindeiru changed buzz lightyear, first man on the moon’s name to whaddup im jared im 19 and I never fucking learned how to read

whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: WHAT

ouma wa mou shindeiru: IDK!!! YOU JUST REMIND ME OF HIM!!

whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: I cant read suddenly, I don’t know

shinGUCCI: yeah jared

ouma wa mou shindeiru changed ultimatePENIS’s name to mmotherfuckerr

mmotherfuckerr: wwhat

mmotherfuckerr: why??

peel the avocado: …she doesn’t remember

mmotherfuckerr: WHAT??

shylock homos changed mmotherfuckerr’s name to sing me a song ur the piano gay

shylock homos: I saved you

ouma wa mou shindeiru: good!!!

catch these lesbian hands: mlm/wlw solidarity

sing me a song ur the piano gay: im confused

shirogaNYA: …kirumatsu

sing me a song ur the piano gay: ?????

ouma wa mou shindeiru: anywwwaayyyy

ouma wa mou shindeiru changed peel the avocado’s name to the grinch is gay and so am i

ouma wa mou shindeiru: Christmas spirit!!!

the grinch is gay and so am i: I FUCKING LOVE IT

shinGUCCI: is everyone in this chat gay??

sing me a song ur the piano gay: yes

the grinch is gay and so am i: yes

ouma wa mou shindeiru: yes

mothergoose: correct.

Hermione GAYnger: yes

catch these lesbian hands: yes

god is dead and we killed him: yes

shylock homos: yes

ass ass in: im bi

whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: same

agar.io is basically ust a vore orgy: IM PAN

shirogaNYA: me too!!

holy fuck it’s sans undertale: im ace

they-followin-me-ma: gonta loves everyone!!

shinGUCCI: wow

ouma wa mou shindeiru: fellas is it gay

shylock homos: yes

the grinch is gay and so am i: good

ouma wa mou shindeiru: MOOD

ouma wa mou shindeiru changed Hermione GAYnger’s name to nyahhh :3

nyahhh :3: what

whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: fucking weeb

shirogaNYA: kokichi is secretly a closet weeb

shylock homos: considering the amount of time he spent in the closet I would be surprised

ouma wa mou shindeiru: OH MY GOD

whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: WOW

ouma wa mou shindeiru changed mothergoose’s name to ppianofuckerr

shylock homos changed ppianofuckerr’s name to mothergoose

shylock homos: begone.

ouma wa mou shindeiru: boi!!!

ouma wa mou shindeiru: im tryna be a wingman here

ass ass in: whats going on???

ouma wa mou shindeiru: so

ouma wa mou shindeiru changed mothergoose’s name to sorry mommy ive been bad

god is dead and we killed him: god left

ouma wa mou shindeiru: god JOINED

catch these lesbian hands: im gonna FUCKING MURDER YOU

ass ass in: KOKICHI YOU BITCH

whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: NOOOOOO

agar.io is basically ust a vore orgy: JUST CHANGE THE MOMMY TO DADDY

shinGUCCI: DO NOT

holy fuck it’s sans undertale: man who thought he lost all hope loses last bit of hope he didn’t know he had

nyahhh :3: I HATE YOU

sing me a song ur the piano gay: WHAT ARE YOU DOING

the grinch is gay and so am i: HJDYWWUIOJKLNKESRW

shinGUCCI: RANTARO STOP FUCKING KEYBOARD SMASHING

the grinch is gay and so am i: THAT WAS MY HEAD HITTING THE PHONE

the grinch is gay and so am i: IM FUCKING DONE WITH YOU KOICHI

sing me a song ur the piano gay changed sorry mommy ive been bad’s name to mother hates you all

mother hates you all: thank you kaede.

sing me a song ur the piano gay: you’re welcome!

shirogaNYA: :o

ouma wa mou shindeiru: gay

the grinch is gay and so am i: SKLDJSKJDKDJKJDKEISKDJAKD

ouma wa mou shindeiru: also!! nice name,, butt lemme tweak it

ouma wa mou shindeiru changed mother hates you all’s name to mother hates everyone but kaede

shirogaNYA: APPROPRIATE

shinGUCCI: …better I guess

sing me a song ur the piano gay: kokichi what

mother hates everyone but kaede: he’s not wrong

shylock homos: WHAT

the grinch is gay and so am i: OOOOOOOOOHH

the grinch is gay and so am i: KAEDE IS IN THE SAME ROOM AS ME SHE IS BLUSHING

shirogaNYA: HO LY F  U  C  K

ouma wa mou shindeiru: ahem

ouma wa mou shindeiru: we interrupt gay to bring youu

ouma wa mou shindeiru changed god is dead and we killed him’s name to yaint goin tuh heaven

the grinch is gay and so am i: Y A I N T

ass ass in: FUCKER

whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: I imagine that what it would sound like if goofy said that

holy fuck it’s sans undertale: fuck you

yaint goin tuh heaven: WHY

yaint goin tuh heaven: I mean its still true

i want a stronk woman to kill me in my sleep2: im having flashbacks to when shingucci yelled at hifumi in class

agar.io is basically ust a vore orgy: YOU MEAN

shinGUCCI: MIU

agar.io is basically ust a vore orgy: BECAUSE OF

shinGUCCI: STOP RIGHT NOW

agar.io is basically ust a vore orgy: THE MINION STATUE?

shinGUCCI: IM GONNA FF U C KINH KILL YOU

the grinch is gay and so am i: its funny cuz in my dreams miu died

agar.io is basically ust a vore orgy: WHAT

the grinch is gay and so am i: gonta killed her

ass ass in: LIAR

whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: FUCKING LIAR

holy fuck it’s sans undertale: I want gonta to kill me

the grinch is gay and so am i: actually ryoma

the grinch is gay and so am i: kirumi killed you

holy fuck it’s sans undertale: what

catch these lesbian hands: wow I love a woman who can fucking kill me

ouma wa mou shindeiru changed catch these lesbian hands’s name to i want a stronk woman to kill me in my sleep

whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: stronk??

i want a stronk woman to kill me in my sleep: stronk.

shirogaNYA: tenko stop hitting on kaedes girlfriend!!

sing me a song ur the piano gay: shes not my girlfriend!!

ass ass in: …yet

sing me a song ur the piano gay: boii

sing me a song ur the piano gay changed their name to im taking a break, nothing personal

im taking a break, nothing personal has deleted themselves from The REAL Disaster of the Ultimate Academy

ass ass in: just leave it tsumugi

shirogaNYA: I feel really bad now…

shirogaNYA: im gonna go apologize after this!!

nyahhh :3: wait a min rantaro

nyahhh :3: how did gonta kill miu??

agar.io is basically ust a vore orgy: choked me with his BIG, HARD

ass ass in: finish that sentence and you die, bitch

agar.io is basically ust a vore orgy: arms

ass ass in: …you live another day

the grinch is gay and so am i: he did choke her but not with his “arms”

the grinch is gay and so am i: choked her with toilet paper

nyahhh :3: fitting

agar.io is basically ust a vore orgy: ???

nyahhh :3: YEAH CUZ SHES SUCH  PIECE OF SHIT

i want a stronk woman to kill me in my sleep: OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH

agar.io is basically ust a vore orgy: FUCK YOU MIDGET

i want a stronk woman to kill me in my sleep: YOU WANNA FUCKING FIGHT

agar.io is basically ust a vore orgy: MEET ME IN THE DENNYS PARKING LOT AT 3AM BITCH

i want a stronk woman to kill me in my sleep: ILL WHIPE THE FLOOR WITH YOU LIKE GONTA WHIPED YOU WITH THAT TOILET PAPER

nyahhh :3: CUZ SHE IT SHIT

www.do-robots-have-dick.com: everyone, you are making her cry.

holy fuck it’s sans undertale: that’s what those noises are?? sounds more like moaning

whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: it is

whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: probably

ouma wa mou shindeiru: :o

ouma wa mou shindeiru: keebs stopped being a cryptid for one second!!

www.do-robots-have-dick.com: ive decided to join you.

the grinch is gay and so am i: we were just talking about how gonta killed miu in my dreams

shylock homos: yeah right ranty :I

shylock homos: u really are the weed man

ouma wa mou shindeiru: we can talk about his fucked up dreams later

ouma wa mou shindeiru: theres something I need to do

ouma wa mou shindeiru changed shylock homos’s name to NANI?!

NANI?!: WHY

ouma wa mou shindeiru: boyfriends with matching names!!

NANI?!: thanks! it heccing succs

agar.io is basically ust a vore orgy: oh my god

www.do-robots-have-dick.com: ive made a mistake in joining you.

holy fuck it’s sans undertale: you and me both buddy

NANI?! changed their name to shylock homos

ouma wa mou shindeiru: aww

ouma wa mou shindeiru: ur boring :II

shylock homos: ur literally right next to me

shylock homos: I could make u sick right now

ouma wa mou shindeiru: how??

shirogaNYA: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

shinGUCCI: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ass ass in: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

the grinch is gay and so am i: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

yaint goin tuh heaven: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

nyahhh :3: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

i want a stronk woman to kill me in my sleep: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

holy fuck it’s sans undertale: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ouma wa mou shindeiru: oooohhh

ouma wa mou shindeiru: I see

ouma wa mou shindeiru: well then

ouma wa mou shindeiru: I wouldn’t mind~~~ ;))

shylock homos: that’s not what I meant

www.do-robots-have-dick.com: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

shylock homos: oh my god

ouma wa mou shindeiru: I think we’re almost done with usernames!!

ouma wa mou shindeiru: however shu

ouma wa mou shindeiru: ur name is boring so I still need to change it

shylock homos: f I n e

ouma wa mou shindeiru changed shylock homos’s name to im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu

im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: WHAT

agar.io is basically ust a vore orgy: FUCKING HELL

whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: OH MY GOD

ass ass in: FUCK

shinGUCCI: THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND

shirogaNYA: SHES GONNA KIL YOU KOKICHI

shirogaNYA: DON’T YOU KNOW HOW MUCH KIRIGIRI CARES ABOUT SHUICHI??

ouma wa mou shindeiru: she wont find out shh

shinGUCCI: …kokichi

shinGUCCI: kirumi is very close friends with her

ouma wa mou shindeiru: fuck

ouma wa mou shindeiru: before I die tho

ouma wa mou shindeiru changed they-followin-me-ma’s name to i stuck my dick in an anthill once

www.do-robots-have-dick.com: ?????

ass ass in: now we’re all going to kill you

whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: oh my god

i stuck my dick in an anthill once: it true D:

holy fuck it’s sans undertale: WHAT

the grinch is gay and so am i: W H A T

shinGUCCI: WHAT THE  F U C  KKK

nyahhh :3: BOIIII???????????

i want a stronk woman to kill me in my sleep: EXCUSE ME?????????

ouma wa mou shindeiru: GONTA STOPS BEING A CRYPTID FOR ONE SECOND O CONFESS ON HAVING PUT HIS DICK IN ANTHILL?????

ouma wa mou shindeiru: WHAT

the grinch is gay and so am i: IS THIS REAL LIFE

ass ass in: im going to murder you

whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: this is like deja vue

whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: remember when this chat was made n maki almost killed kokichi??

shirogaNYA: good times

shylock homos: wish we could turn back time. to the good old days

agar.io is basically ust a vore orgy: SHYHARA STOP BEING EMO

ouma wa mou shindeiru: SHUICHI HO DARE YOU

ouma wa mou shindeiru: EVERYONE WATS TO KILL ME BUT WAIT

ouma wa mou shindeiru changed shirogaNYA’s name to naruto is my senpai

naruto is my senpai: bitch

shinGUCCI: you’ve been watching way to much anime kokichi

naruto is my senpai: well its accurate

whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: w h a t

ouma wa mou shindeiru: and finally,,,

ouma wa mou shindeiru changed www.do-robots-have-dicks.com’s name to instructions unclear, got my dick stuck in a toaster

instructions unclear, got my dick stuck in a toaster: no surprise here.

nyahhh :3: what about kiyo???

ouma wa mou shindeiru: oh right

ouma wa mou shindeiru: I kinda like his username,,,

whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read: you changed our names, change his

shinGUCCI: please don’t

ass ass in: you can redeem yourself here kokichi.

ouma wa mou shindeiru: hmmm

shinGUCCI: spare me

ouma wa mou shindeiru changed shinGUCCI’s name to minion daddy

ass ass in: nope

ass ass in: prepare to die motherfucker

minion daddy: im joining you guys

ouma wa mou shindeiru: SHU HELP ME

im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: I cant

im kin with kirigiri no doubles uwu: im sick

ouma wa mou shindeiru: BABE

ouma wa mou shindeiru: THEY’RE GONNA CRUSH ME

the grinch is gay and so am i: that’s ironic

ouma wa mou shindeiru: ?????

the grinch is gay and so am i: …never mind

Chapter Text

---Thursday, December 28^th, 3:56pm---

hopesexual trash bag changed 14 names

hopesexual trash bag: hey dudes

Has furry porn in their camera roll: what the fuck do you want

Has furry porn in their camera roll: WAIT

Also hits on Kirumi: WAIT A MINUTE

Really likes the movie boss baby: THE FUCKKKK

hopesexual trash bag: ;)))

Styles his ahoge every morning: ??????????

Is hella gay for mikan: what?

Fell of the stage during a show: NAGITO WHAT THE FUCK

Kissed Mahiru once: UHHHHHHHHHHHH

Is dating Chiaki: what has happened to our usernames?

Caught reading Bowser x reader yaoi: BOIIIII

Broke their leg pretending to strip dance: WHATTTT

Broke a POLE pretending to strip dance: SCUSE ME

hopesexual trash bag: as I was saying, hello!!

hopesexual trash bag: you may have noticed your names are different!! cause we playing a game!!

hopesexual trash bag: the harmony dorm also played a game but we’re doing it better!!!

hopesexual trash bag: all ur names have been changed to something you did, or something about you. you gotta guess who is who :))

Had a crush on Hajime once: NO

Broke their leg pretending to strip dance: somebody kissed Mahiru???

Styles his ahoge every morning: SOMEBODY IS DATING CHIAKI???

Cried over a dead fly: what is happening!!

Caught reading Bowser x reader yaoi: I already have a guess that cried over a dead fly is mikan

Caught reading Bowser x reader yaoi: unless gonta has been hiding in this chat

hopesexual trash bag: that was easyyy

hopesexual trash bag changed Cried over a dead fly’s name to literally crying

literally crying: well done! it was pretty easy though

Really likes the movie boss baby: hey uh

Really likes the movie boss baby: what the FUCK happened to mikan???

Caught reading Bowser x reader yaoi: I think kazuichi and miu teamed up to make her a device that would let her type without the trembling

literally crying: Yes! I can type clearly now! :D

Also hits on Kirumi: you’re welcome by the way :D

Also hits on Kirumi: wait

Also hits on Kirumi: FUC K

Broke a POLE pretending to strip dance: EYYYYYYY

Broke their leg pretending to strip dance: HE WAS EXPOSED

Really likes the movie boss baby: NAH HE EXPOSED HIMSELF

Constantly hits on Kirumi: KAZUICHI HOW DAREE

Kissed Mahiru once: I mean. it was already really obvious before

Has furry porn in their camera roll: too bad kirumi completely uninterested in both of you lmao

Styles his ahoge every morning: kirumi has both kazuichi and teruteru flirting with her?? someone help her

Constantly hits on Kirumi: howd you know it was me??

Fell of the stage during a show: because its YOU

hopesexual trash bag changed Constantly hits on Kirumi’s name to sausage italiano

hopesexual trash bag changed Also hits on Kirumi’s name to hey wanna touch my socket wrench

hopesexual trash bag: that’s 3 down!!!

Caught reading Bowser x reader yaoi: hey hajime

Styles his ahoge every morning: yeah

Styles his ahoge every morning: OH GOD DAMMIT

Fell of the stage during a show: JHGDSERTYUKSWEUINBVCSW

Kissed Mahiru once: WOW THAT WAS EASYYY

Broke their leg pretending to strip dance: I KNEW IT WASN’T NATURAL

Has furry porn in their camera roll: oh come on ur the only one here who has an ahoge

Styles his ahoge every morning: that’s not true!!! what about akane!!!

Really likes the movie boss baby: does it LOOK like akane even WASHes her fucking hair

Styles his ahoge every morning: …ur right

Styles his ahoge every morning: but hey

Styles his ahoge every morning: whatever

Styles his ahoge every morning: go back to reading ur bowser x reader yaoi chiaki

Broke a POLE pretending to strip dance: ??????

Has furry porn in their camera roll: W H AT

Caught reading Bowser x reader yaoi: FUCK YOU HAJIME

Really likes the movie boss baby: WAIT CHIAKI IS THAT YOU

Caught reading Bowser x reader yaoi: UH

Broke their leg pretending to strip dance: FUCKING EXPOSED

Kissed Mahiru once: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH

hopesexual trash bag changed Styles his ahoge every morning’s name to choke on my ahoge

hopesexual trash bag changed Caught reading Bowser x reader yaoi’s name to what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo

Is hella gay for mikan: how did you know it was chiaki?

choke on my ahoge: first of all, chiaki has a major crush on bowser

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: THAT’S NOT TRUEEEEE

hey wanna touch my socket wrench: don’t we all

Broke a POLE pretending to strip dance: what the f u ck

choke on my ahoge: SECOND

choke on my ahoge: im the one who caught her reading it

sausage italiano: OI

Broke their leg pretending to strip dance: ???? THE FUCK

Really likes the movie boss baby: OLE NAIRES

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: ur dead to me

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: I was reading it ironically!!!!

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: whatever. it was really ooc anyway

Kissed Mahiru once: JGFDSEDSERUINBVSERTYUIK

Has furry porn in their camera roll: anyway uhhh

Has furry porn in their camera roll: expose urself fuyuhiko, u boss baby loving fuck

Fell of the stage during a show: you think that’s fuyuhiko??

Has furry porn in their camera roll: obviously

Really likes the movie boss baby: what the fuck??? why would you assume its me???

Kissed Mahiru once: OOOOOOOHHHHH

Really likes the movie boss baby: FU CK

Has furry porn in their camera roll: I WAS RIGHT

Broke their leg pretending to strip dance: WELL DOOOONE

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: HOLD UP

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: IS THAT WHY THERE A BOSS BABY DVD IN THE LIVING ROOM??

Kissed Mahiru once: THERES A WHA T

Fell of the stage during a show: a dvd??? goddamn

Broke their leg pretending to strip dance: fuyuhiko: watches boss baby

Broke their leg pretending to strip dance: fuyuhiko, looking at himself in the mirror: “wow. life imitates art”

choke on my ahoge: OH MY GOD

Kissed Mahiru once: !!!!!!!

Fell of the stage during a show: holy shit!!! he looks EXACTLY like the boss baby!!!!

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: you think?

what if kirby ate the hat, nintendo: more like a boss baby kin’s edgy deviantart oc

Broke a POLE pretending to strip dance: …hholy shit

Kissed Mahiru once: OH MY FUCKING GOD

hopesexual trash bag: CHIAKI UR A GENIUS

hopesexual trash bag changed Really likes the movie boss baby’s name to boss baby kin’s edgy deviantart oc

Fell of the stage during a show: ur both gonna die

Fell of the stage during a show: peko’s gonna kill you both

Broke a POLE pretending to strip dance: I feel like this has happened before

boss baby kin’s edgy deviantart oc: ugh

Broke their leg pretending to strip dance: that’s all you have to say???

sausage italiano: if you punched another hole into the wall I swear to FUCK