Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

October 1989

London

Roger's POV

For the first time in a while I wished I had a cigarette. My hands went directly to fidget with the buttons on my jacket. I was nervous alright. More nervous than I had ever been in my entire life. Okay. I am frightened. Scared to death actually! But I am using it as my energy to get through this. I tried to avoid looking at anyone and just focused on what has to be done. My stomach in knots and my head swimming with everything that is going to come from this. Just fucking ignore it! Get on with it!

I swallowed down my anxiety and heard someone come in the room. It was the makeup crew. A young woman approached me carrying her makeup case.

"Morning Mr. Taylor..." she remarked in a friendly voice as she set the case down on the counter and looked right at me. I glanced in the makeup mirror at Brian. Another woman was standing next to him. Greeting him as well. Both of these women were talking to us like it is any ordinary day. Well maybe it is for them. Not for us. Brian caught me looking at him and we shared a determined look. Seeing him helped. I looked up at the makeup tech.

"Good morning..." I said in an even voice and tried to give her my usual casual grin.

"Let's see what shade I need for you today...your hair is pretty light..." she commented as she began rifling through the bottom of her case. I shifted in my chair and gripped the armrests. Trying to stay still for her despite feeling like I should maybe collapse or just make a run for it. But neither could happen. I steeled myself by clenching at the seat as she held up a wipe to clean my face. I let her run it over my skin and then she grabbed a small container of foundation as my cheeks and forehead dried. My face felt a little tight. Like my stomach right now. The girl placed a paper guard over my shirt and jacket collars and tucked it in.

"Alright then..." she remarked as she turned towards me with a sponge in one hand and her foundation in the other. "Chin up please..." she commanded. I lifted my chin up so she could lightly dot my face with the substance. She gently dabbed at me as she worked. Blending the liquid into my skin. She was soon finished and looked me over and then picked up a brush. She dunked it in a container of loose powder and ran it lightly over my face. The feeling of it almost tickled my nose. After completing the dusting she stood back and eyed me again. I tried to look calm and relaxed despite a volcano building inside my gut. She frowned a bit.

"You feel okay?" she asked me and I suddenly felt like she could see through my thinly veiled facade this morning. I found the best smile I could manage for her.

"I'm good..." I replied but felt like I might start sweating if she decides to ask me any more questions. She shrugged and then placed her brush on top of her case.

"You're all set...have a good interview..." she said in a friendly tone.

"Thanks..." I replied and watched her put away her things and then walk out of the room. I turned to see the other makeup girl had left as well. So I sat facing my husband and we both eyed each other nervously. I stood up from my chair and walked over to him as he took a quick drink from a cup of water. Crushing the paper cup in his fist as he finished it. I went to say something to him but the door to the room burst open and a young man leaned in halfway and looked at us.

"Makeup?" he questioned as he looked us over. He grinned. "Excellent!" he remarked as he saw we had been attended to. "Gentleman...you've got about 8 minutes and then I will come to collect you...alright?" he announced. We both nodded silently at him and he gave us a lazy smile. "Need anything while you wait?" I shook my head and so did Brian. The man's smile widened. "Okay...see you in 8..." he replied and disappeared as he closed the door.

I looked at Brian and we said nothing to each other. Just taking this moment for contemplation of what is to come. There is no point in talking about it. Our decision has been made and we are prepared for it. Our family is secure at home and waiting our return. The children know what is happening and our parents are prepared. We didn't have time to warn everyone we know but it cannot be helped. A car is waiting outside this studio to take us directly home once we are finished.

I leaned against the wall. Too fidgety to sit any longer and considered everything that has brought us to this moment. My eyes wandered over to Brian. He seemed to be deep in thought and I noticed one of his hands had gone up to rifle in his hair. I couldn't help but remember all the times over the years I had seen him do this. Moments of stress or him just getting lost in his own head. I pulled myself from the wall and walked over to him. I gently placed my hand over his and extracted it from his curls.

"You'll mess your hair up..." I remarked as he looked up at me in response to my intervention. He smiled a little as he realized what he had been doing. He huffed out a nervous laugh as he placed his hands in his lap.

"That is the least of my concerns right now..." he replied. I guess it is. I smiled at him.

"If it helps...I wish I had a cigarette right now..." I said to lighten the mood. Brian's face showed amusement as I re-fluffed his curls for him.

"I think we could both use a stiff drink actually..." he suggested. I laughed at his comment. It was 10 am in the morning. Not society's idea of cocktail hour.

"That's all we need is people thinking we have a drinking problem..." I told him and Brian chuckled.

"I think people judging us for drinking is the least of our problems.." he remarked back. "At least after this interview is over..." he added to emphasize the point. We both just smiled but were silent as the weight of our situation sunk in. We could try and laugh and make light of it, but our lives were getting ready to fundamentally change forever. I couldn't take the silence anymore as I watched Brian's face slowly register the fear I felt inside myself.

"I know you're scared..." I said and Brian's mouth quivered at hearing my words. His hands gripped onto the the armrests with tension. "I'm scared too..." I acknowledged. Brian simply nodded agreement to me and pursed his lips.

There was a brief knock on the door and the show host, Melanie Evans, stepped inside and closed the door behind her. She leaned against the door with her hands behind her.

"Hi!" she told us both and then blew out a heavy sigh. "You're here so I guess you're going through with it!" she announced. She moved from the door and walked over to us and I accepted a hug from her. Brian stood up from his chair and joined in our hug.

"We are going through with it...just as planned..." I responded. She held us both tightly and sighed again. We pulled away from the hug and she looked at us both with admiration in her eyes.

"You're braver than I ever could be...that's for certain..." she told us with a smile. "I mean...you're risking your career here today....and that's something I'm not sure I could ever..." she didn't finish her sentence. She suddenly looked pained a bit and shook her head. "Sorry.." she told us and seemed to be trying to contain some emotion. She brought her hand up to her mouth and was silent for a moment. Collecting herself and blinking several times. Seeing her get emotional made me a bit so myself. I clenched my fists to keep from letting it take me over.

"We know what's at stake..." Brian told her in a calm and confident tone. It was good to see he was being strong right now as Melanie faltered a bit and I wavered on the edge of some tears. Melanie sniffed her nose and reached for a tissue in her blazer pocket. She dabbed at her eyes and then her nose.

"I just feel like you're handing me the biggest scoop of my career as a talk show host...as you are hanging yourselves in the process..." she confessed and wiped at her eyes with her hand.

"Hey..." I said to her and reached for her hand. "You are helping us out...we trust you to let us do things on our terms....our way...no one else on tv can do this for us...you're the one doing us a favor..." I assured her. She nodded as she got hold of herself and tucked her tissue back in her blazer. There was a knock on the door and the producer looked in.

"Melanie...it's time..." he told her quietly. She nodded to him and then returned to look at us again.

"I'll see you out there in a few minutes..." she told us with a caring smile. I squeezed her hand before she let go and walked over to the mirror to check her makeup. She turned to wave to us as she stepped out with her producer. The door closed again and I faced Brian as we took each others hands and tried to give each other a reassuring look.

"We are doing this...right?" I asked him to be sure. He smiled at me.

"Yes...no turning back..." he replied. We knew the producer could knock at any moment. I leaned in for an earnest kiss. It strengthened my resolve when I felt connected to him. Sure enough there was a knock on the door and we parted as the door slowly opened.

"Gentleman...we're ready for you..." he announced. I quickly checked my appearance as Brian did the same and we stepped out to follow the producer down the hallway. A woman with a clipboard standing in the hallway winked at me as we went by. I wanted to laugh out loud as after today I could actually tell any of these people who flirted with me that I was happily taken. By the man walking right behind me.

We reached the set and saw Melanie already seated in her chair as she did her show introduction into the nearby camera. An assistant walked up to me wearing a smile as she reached towards me.

"Do you mind?" she asked in a whisper and I realized she was removing the paper collar from my neck. She took care of Brian's as well. "There's water in your coffee cups..." she informed us as she guided us to the waiting area near the set. Melanie finished her introduction and they were doing a quick news break on the network. She stood up as we walked over to take a seat. The sound man came over and quickly got us microphoned as we got settled together on the sofa.

"You've got 30 seconds..." the producer announced as we both looked at Melanie and she let out a deep breath. Preparing herself for the camera to roll again. She crossed her legs and formed a warm smile as Brian and I placed our hands on the sofa cushion in between us and could feel the tips of our others fingers brush together. My heart rate went up as I realized this was it. The camera would go green and we would be at the point of no return. I took a deep breath and tried to remain calm. Melanie placed her notes in her lap as she looked at the main camera. A man holding up some cue cards was standing to the side of the camera. The light went green.

"Welcome back....today my guests for the entire segment are legends in the world of popular music..." Melanie announced in a clear confident voice. "Queen has been in the spotlight since their first top ten hit in 1974...with a long record of hit singles and albums and epic world tours, this group has secured its place in rock and roll history...and today I am thrilled to welcome to the program Mr. Roger Taylor, the drummer and Mr. Brian May, guitarist for Queen. Good morning!"

"Good morning..." we both responded and tried to smile. Melanie remained relaxed which helped. "You're here to talk about your new single from the album, The Miracle....but we'd like to take some time and talk about the story of your group...and in particular some items of interest regarding the two of you..." she explained.

"That's right..." I agreed and glanced at the camera as I responded to her. Feeling the eyes of the entire country looking back at me.

"Many people may not know but the two of you were actually in a group together before Queen..." Melanie began. We both nodded and smiled.

"Yes..." Brian answered. "I had formed a musical partnership with a friend during my days at Imperial College...and we advertised for a drummer..." Brian explained. "I played guitar and my friend, Tim Staffell, was the bassist...and we needed a drummer to fill out our trio..." I smiled as I listened and tried to act like this trip down memory lane was just something to fill up her program time. I crossed my legs as I focused on Brian speaking. "So we placed an advert for a drummer and Roger here responded..." Brian finished and I knew he wanted me to take over.

"I did...." I chimed in wearing a smug grin. "I had an audition and of course I got the job!" I explained. Brian and Melanie both chuckled at my response.

"So we were in a group for a few years called Smile..." Brian clarified.

"And when did Queen come about?" she asked us next.

"Around 1970...." I answered. "Tim decided to do other things and we joined up with Freddie to start a new group...we found John Deacon, our bass player, in 1971 and then Queen was complete..." Melanie listed to me and glanced down at her notes. She began going over the history of our group and highlighted some of our greater hits and points of interest. We provided our input and memories of certain events. It flowed nicely and helped us relax. I knew we were heading into the portion of the interview where things would switch gears. As Melanie spoke I glanced over at her production team. She had not told them what would transpire today. Not wanting any problems with someone wanting to stop our announcement or worse, someone knowing in advance and leaking it to the press. They looked completely unaware.

"Many of our viewers might know your songs and seen you perform...and may have even read about you in the papers..." Melanie stated as she began to steer us towards our end goal. "Queen has had its share of stories in the tabloid press...some even appearing in more legitimate newspapers of late..."

"Yes....we've seen our fair share of scandal and speculation..." Brian replied and his expression showed the weariness of dealing with it all these years.

"Of course...some of the stories were based in fact....it is true that you both have children with women you never married..." Melanie pointed out. We both nodded.

"Yes..." I confirmed.

"There has been an awful lot in the press though regarding your lifestyles over the years..." she stated. "Particularly in regards to your front man...Freddie Mercury..." she added.

"There has been a lot written about Freddie..." Brian responded. "But I believe it is his right to respond to any of those articles..." Brian informed her. "It is his private life and he should respond as he sees fit..." Melanie nodded agreement.

"That sounds fair..." she replied. "So lets talk about your treatment in the media over the years..." Melanie was moving us towards what we wanted to really say today and my heart rate picked up again. Beginning to feel the enormity of what we are doing. I wanted to take Brian's hand but it wasn't the right moment. I scrunched my fingers up into a loose fist to keep myself focused and calm.

"Alright..." I told her. She glanced at her notes and then back up at us both.

"When we did some checking it appears that News of The World has taken an interest in the two of you going back some years..." Melanie commented. I nodded to her.

"That's right..." I agreed. "There were several stories printed about us regarding our living arrangement and also some rather private things about our children and family..." I pointed out. "None of which was anyone's business as far as I'm concerned..." I stated firmly.

"You understand that with celebrity...there comes a certain amount of attention from the media...people take an interest in your lives....fans are curious about who you are..."

"Yes...our fans do have an interest in us...but what bothers us most is when stories are written without our participation or consent and based on often incorrect information..." Brian told her. "And things are twisted to make a situation seem more sordid than is the case..."

"It seems like that has really been the case in recent years....for Freddie as well as yourselves...so can we talk about some of the things that have been speculated on and where the truths ends and the lies begin?" Melanie requested. "Are you okay with talking more openly about your personal lives to finally put to rest some of these rumors?"

"Yes...we are..." I said for both of us. Melanie smiled at us both and turned to the camera.

"We'll take a moment for a station break and be right back to answer these very questions..."

To be continued......

Chapter Text

10th December 1981

Munich

Brian's POV

I had really hoped our time in the studio this go around would be better. I guess I was wrong. Well maybe I should clarify that it seemed to be going brilliantly for the others. Just not me. When we started this album I felt like we were on top of the world. We had completed a successful tour and had even gone to South America and broke attendance records. We then ventured to Venezuela and Mexico. Now we have released our Greatest Hits collection and it has enjoyed a seat at the top of the charts. It seemed like this year would end in a wonderful place for the band. But being back in the studio has shown that cracks were beginning to appear in our foundation. Maybe we have been at it for too long and need a significant break. A break sure helped Roger and I mend things between us. Time apart had put us in a much better place.

Roger had finished his solo album, Fun In Space, and released it. He went on some promotional trips and I was completely supportive. Even when it didn't fare well in the charts. When he first played the album for me he had told me he really wished he could have dedicated it to me. I understood and appreciated him saying this. We certainly have a lot in our lives but we don't get everything we want. Still - him letting me finally hear his romantic song 'Future Management' was thrilling. I really loved the track 'Good Times Are Now.' But I was incredibly proud of all the material on the album. He had grown so much as a songwriter and musician. Even though it seemed he might have used up all of his available material with his solo effort, Roger was quite prolific these days. I used to be the one with my writing notebook always open. He is often found that way now. Eyeglasses on and a pen in his hand as he sat in bed or in his study and scribbled words and notes on the page.

When we arrived in Munich to get serious about our next record Roger had been full of ideas that seemed in sync with the music we were hearing on the radio. The new sounds were steeped in synthesizers and programmed beats. Every instrument now seemed to have a synthesized version available and we had computerized drums and bass now ensconced in the studio with us. Roger isn't always on board with the programmed drums but was trying to lend his talents on the synth to the others as they worked through their news material. My main issue was that we seemed to have moved away from guitar solos. I was playing lots of rhythm for backing tracks but the days of a standard solo for me in most every song had gone by the wayside. I felt a bit lost. That became apparent when we worked with David Bowie in Montreux. As we all tried to collaborate with him on a new song it became clear that it would be dominated by David and primarily Freddie. It had started out as a democratic venture. Sharing ideas and lines for lyrics. Shit - we each even had a go at singing part of the vocal with lines we had written. But in the end it was taken over by David and Freddie getting competitive and I just took a step back and watched from the sideline. Grateful I was allowed to play a bit of guitar. Grateful I wasn't as jealous of how well David and Roger seemed to get along as I might have been a while back.

My heavier sounding songs that I brought to the table didn't seem to fit into the mold that was forming with this record. Several of my offerings were vetoed by Freddie and Deacy. Even by Roger. I started to wonder if we were no longer a die hard rock and roll band. I tried to remind myself that this was just a new direction and our core foundation was steeped in our classic sound. Still - it is an adjustment for me. And I guess I don't always handle this amount of change well. Or maybe I'm struggling inside and it is getting harder to manage it. I don't know. All I know is that we all seem on edge with each other right now and trying to get things done in the studio has been trying at times. And then when things get too trying, we just all check out and disappear into the nightlife of Munich.

And that is where I found myself tonight. After an hour of arguing about how much guitar Deacy wanted on one of his tracks I grew tired of fighting about it. I had told him to play his own fucking guitar and walked out of the studio. It was a familiar path nowadays; walking out of the front door of the building and hailing a taxi. Knowing the right German words to get to my destination. To slump in the back seat as I rode to the Sugar Shack. I mindlessly paid for my ride and stumbled into the disco. Ready to forget my woes in a throng of hot sweaty bodies dancing the night away to a massively loud sound system as I found my favorite table and ordered the first of many drinks.

Roger's POV

"I think we're going to buy a house in L.A. ..." I told Crystal as we walked down the entrance stairs of Musicland studios together. "The accountants are on us again to buy some property to fend off some taxes..." I explained. "Besides...Brian really likes it there and we all enjoy the beach..."

"Deacon is buying there too...isn't he? At least that's what Ratty told me..." Crystal asked.

"Yeah...he mentioned looking there as well....of course Fred wants a flat in New York...he prefers it over L.A. ..." We both grinned at each other. Knowing exactly why Freddie prefers New York City over other spots in America. The club scene.

"Just make sure you've got a room for me..." Crystal said with a wink and we laughed as we headed down the stairs into the studio. It was quiet as we entered the breakroom.

"About time you showed up!" I heard Freddie remark in an irked tone. He was walking in from the bathroom.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I answered back with irritation. "I told you I had a phone meeting with my real estate agent and we brought the food you wanted..." I told him as I dropped the plastic bag of Indian food from his favorite takeaway in Munich.

"It's not about that....it's about your husband..." Freddie responded. I immediately got worried that something happened to him but realized Freddie was annoyed, not scared.

"What's wrong?" What happened?" I asked with growing concern. Freddie sighed as he picked up his packet of cigarettes and lit one.

"He and Deacy argued...again...and Brian stormed out....again!" Freddie informed me as he crossed his arms and inhaled on his cigarette.

"What was it this time?" I asked as I began walking towards the control booth to talk to Deacy.

"The usual..." Freddie responded. Shit! Crystal walked ahead of me and opened the control room door. I walked in to find Mack recording Deacy playing rhythm guitar in the recording booth. I stood at the back and waited for them to finish. Crystal and I shared a weary expression. For some reason Brian and Deacy just keep setting each other off in the studio. I wanted to hear what Deacy had to say about what happened this time before I went looking for Brian. I know where went if he left here angry. Sugar Shack. I had a feeling this was going to be a long night without much work getting done. Deacy finished a take and I went over as he and Mack spoke on the intercom.

"Hey Deaks...I'm coming in..." I told him. I walked through the door and went up to him as he leaned against the wall and looked at me. His hair had grown since the beginning of the year and was proving quite curly at this length.

"I didn't start it!" Deacy said to me; already on the defense. I didn't want to fight him. I just wanted to know what went on.

"I'm not placing blame Deaks...I just need to know what happened before I go after him..." I explained. Deacy sighed and seemed relieved I wasn't going to berate him.

"All I did was try to explain what I wanted to do on my track...for guitar..." Deacy began as he massaged the back of his neck with his hand. "I don't see my song having a guitar solo but Brian wouldn't accept my decision and wouldn't let it go...and things got heated..." he told me.

"Alright..." I responded and walked up and patted Deacy's arm. Feeling bad that things got so tense. "Go ahead and finish what you were doing...I'll head out to collect him and shore him up with a talk..." I advised him. Deacy nodded but looked glum as he pulled himself from the wall and went back to the stool to take a seat.

"I won't change my mind...so don't offer him something I'm not willing to give..." Deacy said firmly. This annoyed me a bit. He wanted to complain about Brian being stubborn but sometimes he was no better.

"You can't at least let him try and play you what idea he has and then decide?" I questioned and it came out sounding like pleading. Deacy glared at me and made a disgruntled sound. I shot him a look of annoyance and headed out of the room before I said something that started a whole new argument. I went straight through the door and saw Mack watching me as he took a drag from his cigarette. I noticed Paul Prenter was standing in the back of the room watching me as well.

"You going to get him?" Paul asked as I reached the exit to the control room.

"Of course..." I said back. He eyed me with a curious look on his face.

"Maybe you should just let him stew for once..." Paul suggested. "Every time he gets mad and leaves you run after him...like a mother hen..." Mack tapped his cigarette above his overfilled ashtray and listened to our conversation.. Some of the built up ash fell onto the mixing board. "Quit playing his game and make him come back to us when he decides he wants to calm down and cooperate..." Paul advised. "He's a grown man playing a childish game..." While I appreciated Paul's view on the matter I felt like he didn't know everything I know about my husband.

"I know from the outside looking in it seems like he is just throwing some kind of tantrum and I am somehow pacifying him...but you don't everything about him..." I responded. I opened the door and walked out and heard Paul mutter something under his breath.

'I know more about him than you think...'

I ignored my urge to walk back and ask him what exactly he thinks he knows about Brian. I walked through the breakroom and saw Freddie and Crystal seated and serving themselves some Indian food from the cardboard containers.

"Need me to come along?" Crystal asked as I went by.

"No...I've got it..." I assured him.

Brian's POV

"Thanks..." I told Rivka, the waitress, as she set down a fresh drink for me. I leaned over and set my empty glass on her tray and took the new one from the table. Smiling at her as I stirred the vodka tonic with the little plastic straw. "Danke.." I said to be more respectful. She leaned down and kissed my cheek.

"You are sad but sweet..." she told me in English in a thick accent. She walked off with her tray as I leaned back in my chair and worked on whatever drink number this was. I watched her head back towards the bar but she stopped at the deejay's booth and said something to him. I sipped my drink and felt myself falling back into that blurred state I have come to know during my visits to this place. I tapped my foot to the song playing on the sound system and knew it was one Roger really liked. As soon as I thought about Roger I did feel sad. I knew it was a matter of time before he showed up to drag me back to the studio. To give me some pep talk about being a team player and just letting go of everything that was bothering me. But that seemed to be much easier for him than me. I hated that he had to chase after me when I lost my temper. I felt like a petulant child and wondered if I should swallow my pride and just go back. It seemed like the mature thing to do. I emptied my drink in my mouth and fumbled for my coat laying over the chair next to mine. I pulled it on as Rivka walked by.

"Are you done Brian?" she asked me. I nodded as I fished out my wallet and dropped enough money for my tab and a generous tip on the table.

"Good night..." I told her and she smiled at me as I turned to head for the exit. The air outside had got much colder since I arrived and there was a chilled wind that hit me in the face and instantly sobered me a little. The bouncer got me a taxi and I slid in to return to the Arabella. To Musicland. I just stared blankly out the taxi window on the short ride back and then paid the driver and went inside. I was walking towards the basement entrance when I felt a little queasy. The alcohol making me a bit ill. I wondered if I should just go to the toilets and turned to head for the men's room in the lobby. I was walking that way when I saw Paul Prenter coming out of the gift shop in the hotel. He was carrying a fresh packet of cigarettes and some throat lozenges.

"Brian!" Paul saw me and waved as he approached. His expression became worried as he came up to my side. "You look pale....are you okay?" he asked me with concern.

"I just feel a bit queasy..." I told him. He took my arm and began guiding me towards the lift.

"Come up to my room to lay down for a bit..." he told me. I forgot that Freddie had rented out the entire top floor of the hotel for himself and his entourage. That of course meant Paul was ensconced in a room up there as well. Even though Paul worked for Queen as a group it seemed more and more he was Freddie's right hand man. Phoebe may see to his clothes and meals and personal effects but Paul was his calendar and coordinator. We got on the lift and Paul kept his arm around me. Being attentive and offering a sympathetic smile. "A wee too much of the drink tonight?" he asked me and laughed lightly. I nodded to him and then watched the lift floor indicator. We reached the top floor and began walking down the hallway. "My room is just over here..." Paul commented. For some reason I felt strangely uncomfortable with the thought of going in his room but I couldn't figure out why. I decided to make the excuse that I just needed some fresh air and would go back downstairs.

"You know what...I think a bit of fresh air is what I need..." I suggested. Paul stopped walking and gestured towards the end of the hall.

"There's the door to the roof..." he told me and tugged at my arm to head that way. I wondered how he knew about the roof and how to get there.

"Are we allowed to go up there?" I questioned. Paul laughed again and opened the door when we reached it.

"It's fine...we've all gone up a few times to have a smoke before bed..." he answered. "Seen the sunrise a few times as well...it's really a nice view..." Paul began walking up the small set of stairs. I hesitated but he stopped and turned to look down at me. "Come on..." he insisted. I let out a breath, feeling uncertainty, but began walking up behind him.

"Won't it be too cold?" I asked as he got to the top and opened the metal door.

"You'd be surprised how warm it can be..." he informed me as he held the door open and gestured for me to step out. I ducked my head at the low entrance and stepped onto the concrete area as Paul came up behind me and closed the door. The view was blocked by a large air conditioning unit on the roof. We walked to the left around it and came out to the wide span of rooftop. I had to admit the air wasn't as chilly as I had imagined. It had been colder down by the nightclub I had left earlier.

"Not so bad..." I commented as he guided me towards the far end of the roof.

"Come over here...it's a better view..." he said. I came up behind him as he neared the building edge. It had a tall guard wall wrapping around the edge and Paul walked over like he was going to sit on it. It made me nervous just watching him. "Whoa!" I said as he went to sit on the concrete surface. He smiled at me and sat down anyway.

"It's fine Brian!" he told me in his light Irish lilt. "I've sat here before...it's perfectly safe..." he said as he waved me over his way. I took a few steps but kept my distance from the edge. Having no interest in sitting or peering over the guard wall. Paul got comfortable and opened his new pack of cigarettes. He lit one and looked out over the skyline. I admired the view of the tops of the nearby buildings. The lights from the structures is what helped me make out anything else around us. I was curious for a moment what you could see directly below but had no desire to lean over and look. We remained silent for a few minutes and just soaked in the night air.

"The air is nice up here...thanks..." I said to be polite to him. He smiled and took a drag of his cigarette as he eyed me. He blew the smoke out over the ledge. The breeze was gently lifting up the ends of his sandy colored hair.

"A fella in the hotel told me that the winds are sometimes warm because they blow in from the mountains..." he explained as he nursed his cigarette. I didn't understand exactly what the science was behind that but nodded understanding anyway. Paul leaned over and peered over the edge and then turned and looked at me again. "He said the winds have a name...the Foehn winds..." I wasn't familiar with the term.

"Never heard of it..." I replied. Paul shrugged and peered over again.

"Me neither..." he said and looked at me again. "The fella said that sometimes when those winds are blowing through it makes people do funny things..." he commented.

"Funny things?" I questioned. Paul got a forlorn look on his face as he kept smoking.

"You know...people acting odd...crazy sometimes..." he explained. "The fella said that sometimes people even kill themselves during the time of the winds..." he smashed his cigarette out but kept his eyes on me as he spoke. "Can you imagine that?" he said with disbelief in his voice. My impulse was to say that, yes, I could imagine that. But my feelings on that topic were private and I was pretty sure Paul didn't know about my history.

"That's terrible..." I responded and Paul kept his eyes planted right on me. They were almost piercing and I felt like he could read my mind or something. It made me a little uneasy and I folded my arms in front of my chest and looked away for a moment. Feeling some semblance of protection from doing it. Paul lit another cigarette and then looked over the side of the building again.

"The fella told me that quite a few of those crazy people actually jumped off this very building..." he revealed. He turned to look back at me and the expression on his face un-nerved me. I glanced back behind me and had a desire to leave and then turned to try and give him a smile. I don't think I managed one.

"I'm feeling better...I think I'll head back down..." I told him. Paul nodded and remained seated as I turned and began walking to the door. Wanting to get off this roof as quickly as possible. Wanting to get away from him right now for reasons I couldn't really understand. I yanked open the door and immediately headed down the stairs. I felt a chill despite stepping inside the warmth of the building.

Roger's POV

I went through the club twice and didn't see him anywhere. I headed over to the bar to see if Petra, the barkeep, had seen him. As I approached I saw the waitress named Rivka and knew if Brian was here she would have seen him. We usually sat in her area. I rushed over and tapped her shoulder. She turned and smiled at me.

"Roger..."

"Hey Rivka...have you seen Brian tonight?" I asked as she balanced her empty tray against her hip.

"Yes...he left...." she replied. "Can I get you a drink?" she offered. I shook my head.

"No...thank you..." I told her and headed for the exit. Frustrated a bit that this was a fruitless journey.

I took a taxi back to our hotel and went to our suite to see if he had gone there. I opened the door and found the light on. The main room was empty but I heard a noise and went to the bathroom. I knocked on the door.

"Brian..." I said and waited.

"You can come in..." he told me. I opened the door to find only a dim light from the vanity glowing and discerned Brian was sitting in the bathtub in almost darkness. His clothes were strewn about the floor and he had a bottle of vodka perched on the edge of the tub. I walked in and closed the door behind me to keep the warm moist air inside the bathroom. I sat down on the covered toilet seat and crossed my legs as I looked over at him. His hair was damp and there was no bubble bath so I knew this wasn't a relaxing bath. It was something else.

"Want to talk about it?" I asked as he took a drink from the bottle in his hand. He set the bottle back on the tub edge and shrugged at me.

"What's there to say?" he questioned back. "I'm not wanted..." I did my best to avoid showing my annoyance in my face. He sounded like a child. A petulant one. A drunk one.

"That is not a true statement Brian...." I said to him calmly and reached over to take the vodka bottle from him. Partly to eliminate him drinking any more and partly because I wanted a drink if I had to attend his pity party. He let me take it and I took a large sip from it.

"Can I have my vodka back?" he asked as I rested the bottle on my thigh.

"I think you've had enough..." I responded. Brian made a disagreeable sound and proceeded to slide down further into the bathtub. His knees going up in the air as he tried to get his head under the water. I set the vodka bottle down on the tile and stood up and took hold of his arms and pulled on them to get him to resurface. I wasn't going to let him be anymore dramatic than he already was.

"Stop it!" he told me in an irritated tone. I held his arms and sat down on the edge of the tub to make sure he stayed above the water.

"I won't stop it!" I argued back. "Drinking and drowning aren't going to fix anything and you know it..." I reminded him. "Stop being so fucking dramatic and either take a bath like an adult or get out of the tub!" I demanded. He jerked his arms away from me and groaned.

"Fine!" he said harshly and pushed at my leg on the tub edge. "Move so I can get out!" he barked at me. I got up and took a step back and watched him carefully as he managed to stand in the tub. I got him a towel and he took it and ran it over his head; blotting his wet hair. He then proceeded to try and make a turban with it and got frustrated when it came loose and he almost dropped the towel in the tub. "Shit!" he muttered. I did my best to avoid laughing at this poor coordination. He had definitely had too much to drink tonight. I handed him another towel as he laid the damp one over his head.

"Take my hand when you step out..." I told him. He looked annoyed at my request but obeyed me as I gripped his hand and he took an awkward step out of the tub and onto the bath mat. He stood there and dried off a bit with the dry towel. He looked over at me and then wrapped the towel around his waist. We both left the bathroom and I turned on a lamp as we came into the bedroom. Brian walked over and let himself slump over on the bed.

"What time is it?" he mumbled to me. I didn't even look. It didn't matter.

"Time for you to get some sleep..." I answered. "Have you been sleeping through the night?" I questioned as he laid like a lump on the mattress. He didn't answer. I walked over and sat on the bed next to him. "Bri....answer me..." I told him.

"No..." he confessed in a low voice. His face was half buried in the duvet. I had suspected he was having insomnia again. I had seen him awake the few times I had woke in the middle of the night. It affected his mood and his temper. I reached over and ran my hand over his bare back and his skin was already cool and dry.

"Are you feeling down?" I questioned. "Are you blue again?" I asked. There was silence and then Brian shifted on the bed and rolled over a bit to look at me. The towel draped on his head had fallen off and his hair was a mess.

"Wouldn't you be down if you did nothing but fight with your bandmates and feel like they don't appreciate what you have to offer anymore?" he told me as he wrapped his arms around his shoulders.

"Brian...we fight all the time...it's kind of what we do..." I reminded him. He looked at me and blinked. "And as for not being appreciated...well I am pretty sure you are overthinking this one..." Brian lowered his eyes and moved his hands away from his shoulders. He proceeded to pick at one of his fingernails and seemed to be thinking.

"But they don't want me playing a solo..." Brian told me quietly as he kept looking at his fingers. I know he is disappointed in the direction Freddie and Deacy have taken their current work. I wasn't thrilled myself.

"So we are doing some different things on this record...." I stated. "Granted we both don't care for some of it...but it's not just our record now...is it?" I pointed out. "This album won't be as heavy Bri...just accept it...." I asked. "So just play the shit out of that rhythm part! Alright?" I told him. "Fucking own every note!" I said with encouragement. Brian actually smiled. I instantly felt better seeing it. I laid down next to him and my face was right by his. "We've just got 10 days and then we're headed home for Christmas...." I reached over and tried to move some of his hair away from his face.

"I miss the kids..." he confessed to me. I took hold of his hand and ran my other one through his tangled hair.

"I do too babe..." I replied. "We'll be home for a few weeks and we won't do anything while we are there...just us and the kids..." I offered. Brian smiled and nodded agreement. I pulled him closer to me and hugged him. I know that some of what is going on is more than what is happening in the studio. He needed some real rest and I considered calling the doctor as we laid together on the bed.

"Sorry about tonight..." Brian mumbled against my shoulder.

"I think the apology needs to be made to Deaks..." I said back. Brian pulled away from my hug and looked into my eyes. He did seem a bit more sober and he wasn't as cranky.

"I know...but you came after me..." he replied. "I know you had other things to do..." I ran my hand over his cheek and smiled at him.

"You're more important than a stupid house in L.A. ..." I pointed out. "It's not going anywhere..." I reminded him. He really smiled at me and then surprised me by pulling me in for a kiss. I returned it and enjoyed every second of it.

"I love you..." he told me as our lips parted. He was stroking my hair as he spoke.

"I love you too....just get through the next week or so and you'll feel better...alright?" I suggested. He nodded in response and then I felt him shiver.

"Cold..." he mumbled.

"I'd be cold too if I was laying there naked on top of the covers..." I pointed out. I pulled myself up from the bed and got up and them got him up as well so we could get the bedclothes pulled back. "Get some pajamas or just get under the blanket..." I told him. Brian dropped his towels on the floor and just climbed into bed. Still a bit intoxicated.

"I'm tired..." he told me.

"You are..." I agreed. "Get some sleep and you can apologize to Deacy tomorrow and we can get on with it...alright?" I said with encouragement. He nodded again as he settled his head on the pillows and pulled the duvet up over his shoulder. I leaned down and pressed a kiss to his head.

"Night Rog..." he told me. I smiled and kissed him again.

"Night Bri...."

Chapter Text

20th December 1981

Munich

Roger's POV

Things were a bit better in the studio but I observed Brian struggling. He and Deacy found a way to move forward and get on with recording. A strain remained between them but it was a manageable one. I knew I needed to make our holiday break from work a really good one. We flew home and began focusing on Christmas and I had no idea what to get him as a gift. I called Clare and we decided to go shopping together. She knows him so well and could help me out. I picked her up at her flat and we headed for some shops in Mayfair.

"Are you thinking of something unique? One of a kind?" Clare asked as walked from the car down the pavement towards a street of Antique shops. I shrugged.

"I don't know...I'm really at a loss this year..." I confessed. Clare smiled and stopped me to peer into the window display of the first shop.

"You can't go wrong if you get him something stereoscopic..." Clare remarked as we both scanned the curiosities in the window.

"Good idea...." I replied as we continued strolling the pavement. The weather was decent for walking at the moment but was going to turn colder with rain and possibly snow later on. I felt rushed to make a decision and find something. "I guess we need to make it quick...with the weather turning lousy..." I commented. Clare put her arm around mine as we walked and leaned into my side.

"Don't worry...we'll come up with something..." We chatted and went to a few stores and I found nothing that garnered my interest. I was beginning to feel a bit panicked as we stepped out of a book shop empty handed. I noticed the air had got colder and the sky was beginning to look a little threatening.

"I have a bad feeling I'm not going to find something before we have to seek shelter..." I told my sister. We kept walking as I tried to wrap my scarf a little tighter around my neck. The skies were getting darker. We both felt a few drops of cold rain and began to move faster as Clare pulled her umbrella out. "Shit!" I cried out as we both began running to the nearest building for shelter. I pulled open the door to the first business we found and stepped inside. Clare had not quite got her umbrella open so she closed it and tucked it inside her bag as we surveyed our sanctuary from the frigid rain. It was a travel agency. A few other people were standing around and looking over some travel brochures.

"At least we have something nice to occupy us why we wait out the rain..." Clare remarked as she walked over to the wall and pulled a copy of a brochure for a tour of Italy. I joined her and watched as she flipped through the booklet. I glanced around at the other people and noticed the travel agents speaking to some customers. I couldn't complain about missing out on shopping at the moment. We were mostly dry and warm. "I'd love to visit Tuscany..." Clare commented as she pointed to a page in her brochure. I saw a photo of the Italian countryside and it did look inviting. We had not actually played any shows in Italy and hoped to make it there someday. I looked out the front windows of the shop and saw the rain was really coming down. I sighed and realized I wasn't going to find a present today. Clare heard my noise. "Sorry you're delayed in shopping..." Clare told me as she nudged my side with her elbow and returned the brochure to the wall.

"It's alright...it's not like I knew what to get him anyway..." I said quietly. Clare leaned against a blank spot on the wall and looked at me.

"Let's try and brainstorm while we wait...what does Brian want?" she asked me. Well - what Brian wanted right now was something I couldn't give him for Christmas.

"What he wants is for things to be different in the studio right now....and that's not something I can give him..." I replied. Clare gave me a sympathetic smile. "And as far as anything else he might want...he probably already has it...." I pointed out. "That's the downside of having lots of money...you tend to get what you want right when you want it...." I explained. "It ruins Christmas!" I said to be a bit dramatic and Clare chuckled at me.

"Oh you poor dears with all your riches...." Clare remarked sarcastically as she swatted my arm. I laughed in return. "So that is what Brian wants...what do you think he needs right now?" she questioned. I ran my hand up into my overcoat and rubbed at my shoulder. My undershirt and fitted jumper made it hard to actually reach my skin. I knew what he really needed was some kind of mental boost. A panacea to his blue state.

"To be honest he needs a lift...some type of emotional boost..." I confessed. "He's been low Clare...and I have to admit it bothers me...it reminds me of how he was when he got so depressed..." I said in a low voice so no one else could hear me. Clare's face showed concern hearing this. She wrapped her arm around me.

"Rog...I didn't realize it was that bad..." she replied with worry in her tone. "You have to do something..." she told me and we shared a knowing look between us. I knew she was remembering what happened last time Brian had a depression spell. "Has he spoken to or seen Mack?" she questioned. I shook my head. He had not called his therapist.

"No...he tried to play down his mood and told me if he got worse he would phone him...since we've not been home he can't see him...and I can't force him to go..." I explained. Clare rubbed my arm and then I saw her face brighten. I wondered if she had an idea.

"Rog...I think I know what you can get him as a present and it will help him feel better..." she declared. She raised her hand and pointed to a wall on the far side of the shop. I couldn't see it though as my glasses were in my coat pocket.

"What is it?" I asked I fumbled for my glass case. I got them out and slid them on and looked over at the wall. I smiled widely as I saw a travel poster for Tenerife.
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25th December 1981

Brian's POV

I watched Roger open his present and was thrilled by the look on his face when he pulled back the tissue paper and saw the new writing notebook I got him. Like the original one I bought him all those years back, it was the same honey colored leather. His name was embossed in the corner just like before. Roger immediately undid the clasp on it and opened it up. Just like the first notebook I bought, I had written a note inside.

25 December 1981

Dearest Roger -

Twelve years ago we talked about your ambition to be a song writer. To mark our first year together I bought you a notebook just like this one and encouraged you to fill it with words, stories and music. I said to fill in the same way you had filled my heart.

Today I give you a new book to fill and I am so proud of how prolific you've become. How gifted and remarkable you are as a craftsman of song. I cannot wait to hear what beauty comes from these pages; though it will never be as beautiful as the love you have given me all these years.

I love you

Brian

"Oh Brian..." Roger said in a tender voice. "I love it!" he told me. He leaned over and we shared a quick kiss. Everyone else was watching us except the kids. They were engrossed in their large haul of toys, books and games.

"That's just like your first notebook..." Clare remarked as Roger handed it to her. Mia leaned over and they both checked it out. Of course Clare read the sentiment inside and made a cooing sound. "That is so sweet..." Clare announced. I felt a little embarrassed but Roger pulled me into a hug as Clare passed the notebook over to my mother so she could see it.

"Anyone have any presents left to open?" Clare asked. I looked around and saw one last package. It had a note attached indicating I had to open it last. It was from Roger.

"I've got one left..." I said as the others checked and found they had opened all their gifts. Roger kept his arm around me as I went to open my package. I felt a bit excited as I tore the paper. I noticed everyone watching as I opened the plain box inside. I pulled back the tissue paper to see it was two new swimsuits. I was happy as my other suits had seen better days. Since we swim so much when staying in hotels, and now have a pool at home, I wore my suits out quickly. "Thanks Rog...I need these..." I told him. I held up one of the suits and I saw everyone looking at bit eager as I showed them a pair of light blue trunks with a yellow stripe down the side. They seemed overly excited for just some swim clothes.

"Look under the tissue paper..." Roger told me. I moved the paper aside and saw an envelope in the bottom of the box. I was instantly curious what it might be and picked it up. "Open it..." he said. I unflapped the envelope and found several pages tucked inside. I noticed the paper looked a little old and my curiosity was peaked as I pulled them out. "You just said the swimsuits were something you needed....well this is something else I think you need as well.." he informed me. I unfolded the pages and opened them and then realized they were letters written by my own hand. I then recognized they were the letters I had sent Roger when I was away in Tenerife so many years ago. My heart rate sped up and I had excitement building inside me as I considered what he was trying to tell me. He was using the same trick on me that I had played on him.

"Is this what I think it is?" I asked him as he slipped his arm from around my shoulder and I turned to look at him. Roger was smiling widely and had a gleam in his eye.

"It's exactly what you think it is!" he replied. I remembered all those years back when I surprised Roger with a trip to Tenerife for Christmas. We had just started to make some real money and I had splurged on a holiday for us that represented an overdue honeymoon. I had surprised him by keeping the holiday a secret and telling him we would go somewhere after the first of the year. He opened a box on Christmas day with a new swimsuit in it and I had placed my letters from Tenerife in the box as well. I wrote him a note explaining what it all meant. The next big surprise was that we were leaving that very night on a flight out to the island. My stomach erupted in butterflies.

"Wait! Are we going now?" I questioned as I glanced at my watch. It was just around 11 in the morning. Roger laughed as I pulled him into my arms. So delighted by this wonderful surprise.

"I think we'll have a nice Christmas dinner with our parents first and you need to pack..." he explained. "We're actually leaving tomorrow morning..." he informed me. The thought of getting to return to Tenerife after all this time thrilled me to bits. I then realized if we were going that we wouldn't have as much time with the kids as I had hoped. I really missed them so much being away from home. I guess Roger could sense what I was thinking. He spoke before I could say anything. "And before you worry about time away from the kids...they are coming with us!"

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I found out Roger had gone first class with the entire trip as we enjoyed the holiday meal with our family. Not only had he rented a private beach house in the southern part of the island, he had also arranged for a private plane to take us there. The kids were going along with Mia and Clare was coming. She had not been on a holiday recently and had never been to Tenerife. We all excitedly chatted about the trip after our dinner and my parents left for home and Winnie and Trevor announced they were leaving the next morning. It turned out everyone was packed for the trip but me. The kids did not know about the trip so they wouldn't accidently tell me before Christmas day. I packed my suitcase and felt real excitement about getting away somewhere sunny and bright. Munich had been so dismal for me and the rotten weather at home hadn't helped. It had been great being back home with the kids but the rush to get ready for Christmas was stressful. I wasn't stressed as I packed and was soon settled in bed to try and sleep before we flew out in the morning.

26th December 1981

The alarm went off to get us up in time for our flight. As I opened my eyes and reached for the alarm I felt Roger shift on the bed and he was planting himself on top of me. Straddling my waist and his upper body leaning down towards me. He wore that beautiful smile that always makes me feel warm inside.

"It's been 12 years today...happy anniversary..." Roger told me and leaned down for a slow sensual kiss. It felt lovely and I brought my arms up to wrap around him. Holding him and savoring his mouth as mine opened up to accept a deeper kiss. Despite having alone time in Munich, we had not been intimate in a while. My dour mood had quelled any amorous activity between us. But right now I was feeling up again. And that feeling spread all the way to my crotch as Roger ran his hands over my shoulders and up into my hair. His body starting to move against me and I felt evidence of his own reaction to our snogging.

I wanted to be closer to him and moved my own hands down his back and took hold of his bottom. I then realized Roger was already naked. I smiled against his neck where I had moved my mouth to kiss and suck at the warm tender skin.

"Someone's already naked..." I said teasingly to him and Roger chuckled as he pulled up from my torso and looked down at me adoringly. He ran his hands over my chest.

"I planned for this just like I planned our trip..." he informed me as he gave me his cheeky smile. "I think you'll find I have taken care of all the preliminaries..." he said as he leaned forward again and kissed me fervently. I had an inkling of what he had implied and ran my hand over his bottom and felt between his cheeks to find a plug already in place. My husband had planned for everything. I laughed with joy as I grabbed hold of him and rolled us over in the bed. Getting on top of him. Roger kept making that carefree sound of laughter he makes when extremely happy. We kissed passionately as I managed to get out of my pajamas and briefs. I was soon kissing my way down his body and took him in my mouth as Roger played with my hair and murmured to me. I got him close to the edge and then worked to extract his plug as I got the lube from the nightstand. Roger spread his legs out as I got between his thighs and was soon pushing into him. We looked into each other eyes and savored this special connection as we slowly made love.

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"I've got a car arranged..." Roger told me as we stood on the concrete strip by the runway where our plane landed. A porter came up and was helping the pilot extract our luggage. Mia had hold of Tiger Lily's hand and Jimi was on Clare's hip. Our luggage was placed on a large cart and we followed the porter to the customs area for the airport. I got out everyone's passports and we were quickly processed and on our way. Roger got the Land Rover from the car rental and we loaded up and were off to the private house the travel agent had secured for us. It was on the beach in Los Cristianos. The drive there was just beautiful and the warm sun poured through the windows of the car. It was a short trip to the house. We pulled in to find a beautiful two story villa. There were palm trees and a pool and path to a small private beach and it was sunny and bright.

"Is this where we are staying?" Tiger Lily asked as she looked around in complete wonder.

"Yes princess...." Roger told her as we both carried in suitcases and looked around the house.

"It's so warm..." Jimi remarked as we walked out to the back patio where the pool was. Mia walked up and grabbed Jimi's hand as we got near the pool edge.

"Don't come near the pool unless an adult is out here with you..." Mia told him and Tiger Lily firmly.

"Listen to Mia..." Roger told them both. Our kids were good swimmers but we both liked Mia's cautious nature. She was as fun as could be but had an instinct about certain things. We trusted her judgement. I stood and let the sun bathe me in warmth and felt like this trip was going to do me a world of good. I felt a pair of small hands wrap around my thighs. Tiger Lily leaned into my side as I looked down at her.

"Do you like it?" I asked her and she smiled and nodded.

"It's so sunny..." she remarked. "Why is it so cold at home but warm and sunny here?" she asked.

"That's because we flew south on the airplane..." I explained. "We left London and flew out towards Africa...but we are on an island that is near the northern part of Africa..." I remembered seeing a globe in the living area. I took her hand. "Come here..." I said and walked back inside. I found the globe and showed her where England was and then ran my finger from our home island down to the one we are on now. "The further south you go this time of year...the warmer it is..." I said in general terms. She smiled at me and spun the globe on its axis.

"You've been all over the globe...haven't you?" she asked as we watched it go round.

"I guess I have..." I agreed. "There are some places I haven't been... some I'm keen to visit..." Tigs looked at me as I spoke and her eyes were so blue in the bright light filtering into the room. Just like Roger's.

"You said you and Papa came here before..." she commented. I nodded as I smiled and recalled the wonderful trip we had here. Our belated honeymoon.

"We did..." I confirmed.

"Did you stay in this house?" she questioned.

"No...we stayed in hotels...like we do when we are on tour..." I explained. "We came here in 1974...we didn't have as much money then...but we sure had a great time..." Tigs looked like she was thinking and I was curious what was going through her mind.

"I was born in 74..." she reminded me. "Why didn't I come with you?" she asked.

"You were born in 74...but you were just a tiny baby and you were living with your Mother then..." I reminded her. She looked at me intently.

"When did I come to live with you?" she asked. I realized she was getting older and questions about her past were going to become a regular thing. I wished Roger was here for this conversation. I didn't want to assume everything he might want to say to her. Despite us both being her parents I still tried to respect the fact that he was her real father and was the one tied to Kim. I took Tiger Lily's hand and walked her over to the sofa. I sat us down and smiled at her.

"Are you curious about when you came to live with us?" I asked her directly. She nodded.

"We can talk about it but I'd really like Papa to be here with us...okay?" I said back.

"Okay..." she agreed. Jimi came running into the room and launched himself onto the sofa. Tiger Lily giggled and proceeded to tickle him. She quickly forgot her questions as they began to wrestle on the couch and were soon tackling me and attempting to tickle me as well. I laughed and playfully tried to fend them off. I knew the time had come to try and tell Tigs more about her past and we would talk about what we wanted to say before we answered her questions.

Tickling was soon abandoned as we headed upstairs and found which bedrooms we would occupy. There were four rooms and Roger and I took the largest room. The children shared a room that had two twin beds and Clare and Mia each had a room to themselves. We sorted out the luggage and everyone changed into beachwear before we took a walk down to the private beach and then Clare and Roger volunteered to go shopping for some basic food and drinks. They were keen on some sibling time so I went for a swim with the kids and Mia relaxed in a lounge chair by the pool and read a book.

Roger's POV

"We should have brought Brian with us..." I remarked as we tried to speak to a shopkeeper in the market. I forget that most people here speak Spanish and Brian is our language expert. Another man came up to us and kindly offered to translate. We were soon guided to what we were looking for and finished up the shopping. I got the boxes of groceries placed in the back of the Land Rover and Clare and I took off for the house.

"I'm delighted you wanted to come on the trip..." I told Clare as I tried to remember the way back to our house.

"I really needed to get away..." she answered. "I didn't tell you but I recently broke up with someone..." she revealed.

"Sorry Bear..." I told her and reached over to touch her arm. She gave me a halfhearted smile.

"Thanks Rog...it's tough out there..." she remarked in a tight voice as she looked out the car window. Clare has not always been so open with me about her dating life. I think since she dated that arsehole Terry before she moved from Truro she has been private. I respected her decision and was surprised she was telling me now.

"I know you don't tell me much about your dating life...and I respect your right to privacy...but I'm happy to listen if you need to unload..." I told her sincerely. "You certainly listen to me talk enough about my life..." I reminded her. She waved her hand dismissively at me.

"It's fine Rog...I have Alli to talk to about that stuff..." she pointed out. Alli was still her best friend and had remained in Truro. She was divorced now with a young child.

"The offer is open..." I countered and she smiled warmly at me.

"I know..." she said and turned back to look out the window.

We got back home and unloaded the groceries. To celebrate our first night there we went to a nearby restaurant to taste some local flavors. Brian ordered grilled fish and the local potato dish along with some grilled vegetables. The children were having the island version of fish and chips. Mia and Clare both opted for a tapas dish and I scanned the menu and found a photo of something quite delicious looking. The waiter appeared and spoke English. The others ordered and it was my turn.

"What is this?" I asked as I pointed to the picture. The waiter smiled at me.

"It's rabbit..." the waiter answered.

"And how it is prepared?" I asked. Before the waiter could respond Tiger Lily interrupted us.

"You're going to eat a rabbit?" she questioned in disbelief.

"I might be..." I answered. She made a sound of disenchantment. I ignored her and turned to the waiter. He continued.

"It's cooked in a red wine sauce with garlic, onions, and peppers and served with the local potatoes..." he explained. It sounded delicious and I decided to give it a try.

"I'll take it..." I told him. The waiter left the table and I saw Tiger Lily glaring at me. "What?" I questioned to her and she shook her head.

"You're going to eat a rabbit..." she said with distaste. "We have rabbits living at home...in the garden..." she reminded me.

"And there are cows in the pastures near our home and you often eat that..." I said back in the same judgmental tone. I saw the others watching us and knew Brian probably had an opinion but he held his tongue and only smirked at me. I picked up my glass of wine and ignored them all.

"I suppose you'll probably want to eat Squeaky for dinner when we get back home..." Tiger Lily remarked snidely and Brian practically spurt out his drink of wine.

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It was lovely to see how much Brian was enjoying the trip over the next few days. He spent most of his time outdoors. He swam in the pool and loved to go walking on the beach. We had a particularly hot day and we all decided to go for a swim in the ocean. The water wasn't too bad and the kids preferred to play in the sand over fighting the waves.

Brian soon joined them on the beach where they began to build a sandcastle. I soon joined them as well and Mia and Clare went for a walk down the shoreline. We sat and helped form the shapes for the castle using a plastic bucket and tools Brian bought the children at a nearby tourist shop. Brian had his camera with him and we shared duties in capturing some lovely moments us the four of us together. We were soon back at the house and after a light lunch a nap was in order for everyone. Brian and I got the kids settled in their room and I pulled off my t-shirt as I spread out on our bed. Brian came out of the bathroom and walked over to lay next to me. He sat down as I rolled over to look at him. He was already sporting a light tan along with a slight beard and he looked rested and relaxed. He looked so much better than when we left Munich.

"This place looks good on you..." I remarked as he got settled. He smiled at me and reached over and stroked my side.

"I am so glad you did this...for me....for us..." he replied. I leaned closer and we shared a kiss. "I didn't know how badly I needed some sunshine and a change of scenery...and having the kids here is the best part..." he added. "Next to you of course..." I grinned at him and we had another kiss.

"It's been a while since we went anywhere with Clare..." I commented. I rolled over on my back and put my arm behind my head. "I didn't realize how much I miss having her around..."

"I miss her too..." Brian replied. "Can I ask if you've noticed that she seems a little off...not quite herself..." Brian observed. I turned to look at him.

"She told me she broke up with someone right before the holidays...so she might still be down about that..." I revealed. Brian nodded understanding and shifted on the bed so he could rest his hand on my chest.

"That probably explains it..." Brian commented. He closed his eyes and I watched him slip easily off to sleep. I was so glad to see him getting some real rest and looking blissful. I soon drifted off myself.

31st December 1981

I woke up early and feeling quite rested decided to get around and try and figure out some breakfast. I don't normally cook but could manage a few things and wanted to give the others a break from preparing every meal. I knew the kids would be up soon so I cut up some fresh fruit and laid that out with some goat cheese Brian had bought at the nearby market. I found the eggs and decided to scramble some once the kids were up. I got the coffee started and felt quite domestic as I headed upstairs quietly to see if the kids had woke up.

As I walked to their room I heard a sound from the bathroom at the end of the hall. I realized that someone was sick and walked over and tapped gently on the door. I wasn't sure if it was Mia or Clare or one of the kids.

"Everything okay in there?" I said quietly. The person wretched again and then I heard them say something.

"I'm okay...give me a minute..." I recognized Clare's voice and hoped she was okay. She hadn't said she felt ill the night before and I hoped she didn't get sick off of the food we had last night. I stood and waited and heard the toilet flush and the sink run. The door finally opened and Clare gave me a strained smile as she set a hand towel on the counter.

"You okay?" I questioned. She nodded to me and took my arm as she began walking us towards the stairs. I followed her down and she walked to the kitchen and got herself a glass of water. I stood and waited for her to speak. She took a few sips and set the glass on the counter. "Are you sick? Was it something you ate last night?" I asked. Clare sighed and wiped at her forehead as she looked away from me for a moment and then returned her eyes to mine. She looked so serious. For some reason I felt a little panicked. Was she seriously ill?

"Rog...I'm pregnant!"

Chapter Text

31st December 1981

Tenerife

Roger's POV

"You're pregnant?" I asked in disbelief. Clare nodded and looked at me with something akin to fear in her eyes. I had to grab the counter to lean against it as I tried to absorb the news. She had told me she broke up with the guy she was dating before the holidays. Did she know she was pregnant when they broke up? Did he break up with her because she's pregnant? What is she going to do?

"And before you ask, the father and I broke up a few weeks before Christmas..." she confirmed. "And I did tell him I was pregnant..." I was immediately mad that he knew she was pregnant and broke up with her. I was assuming of course, he is the one who left.

"So he knew you were pregnant and broke up with you?" I questioned. I could already tell by her face that this was the case. That piece of shit!

"I told him I was pregnant and the first thing he did was question if he was the father and tried to accuse me of cheating and trying to entrap him..." Clare explained. "When I first met him he seemed like a such a nice guy...but he turned out to be a giant prick...like a lot of the men I've met..." she told me with disdain in her voice. I immediately pulled her in for a hug and felt terrible about how she had been treated.

"Bear...I am so sorry..." I told her and pressed her head against my shoulder and kissed her. Feeling like I hadn't done my job as her older brother. The more I thought about this guy the angrier I got. An idea formed in my head. "Tell me who he is and I can get some of the road crew to rough him up..." I told her. Clare pulled back and looked at me with horror.

"Yes Rog...because violence fixes everything..." she scolded. "You sound like our father..." she remarked and I immediately looked at her with surprise. I hated any comparison to that man.

"Don't even say that..." I responded sharply and she looked quite stern.

"Then don't act like him..." she retorted. We both stood silent for a moment and tried to calm down. I let go of my idea to have the guy beat up and she took a deep breath.

"So he broke up with you?" I asked and she sighed again and nodded to me.

"He called me a few days later and said he would consider reconciling if I had an abortion..." she stated with a real sense of disgust. I wanted to murder the guy but held back saying it. I clenched my fists and tried to keep calm for her sake.

"Do you want the baby?" I questioned. I wasn't sure where she stood on this and needed to know. She looked uncertain.

"I'm not sure..." she answered. "But either way...I know I don't want to get back with him..." she clarified. I was glad to hear it. I didn't want her feeling obligated to go back to him just because she's pregnant.

"Do you know how far along you are?" I asked her. She shook her head.

"No...I only know I'm pregnant...I took one of those home tests and I know I am because I feel just like I did when I was pregnant with Jimi..." Clare explained to me. "I got an appointment scheduled with my doctor for when we get back home..."

"Alright..." I responded. "Does Mum know?" I asked and she immediately shook her head.

"I don't see the need to tell her unless I keep it..." she answered. That made sense. I suddenly wondered what she was going to do. If she kept the baby it might prove problematic for her job. She would be a single mother.

"So...if you decide to keep it...what are you going to do?" I questioned. "You know...with your job? With raising it on your own?" I asked. Clare took a sip of her water and sighed again.

"That's what I am having to think about..." she responded. "If I keep it there might be problems with my job..." Clare revealed. "And of course...it would be really difficult to manage on my own...I've seen those women who are alone with kids...I don't know how some of them do it?" she questioned.

"I guess you do have a lot to consider..." I replied. "I want to help in whatever way I can..." I told her. "Let me know what I can do Bear..." Clare smiled gratefully at me.

"I will...thanks..." she told me. "For now...can we keep this between us?" she asked. I wondered if us included Brian.

"What about Brian?" I questioned. She nodded.

"It's fine...though I'd rather tell him myself..." she suggested. I understood that.

"Alright..." I said back. "But make it soon...he already felt like something was off with you and if you skip drinking tonight for New Years...he'll definitely get curious..." Clare laughed a little.

"You're right...it seems like Brian has an intuition about me since we had a baby together..." she remarked. It felt odd to hear her say that but I guess it was true. Biologically speaking. I smiled at her and pulled her back for a hug. Wanting to protect her from the difficult decisions she had to make.

"Love you Bear..." I simply told her and held her close.

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Brian's POV

I was excited and eager to see Mount Teide again. We finished our breakfast and filed in the Land Rover to drive to the National Park. It was just an hours ride from our villa. Roger got us there safely and we parked the car and headed out. Everyone had on their trainers since there was uneven terrain and loose rock all around. We also had jackets since it gets colder on this part of the island. There was a brisk wind today so the jackets were much needed. I explained what we were seeing as we hiked around the lower part of the main visitors area. It was marvelous to see how much was the same. Jimi was quite interested in the volcanic rock and I told him and Tiger Lily they could each get a small rock at the gift shop to take home. I showed them the area I first visited back in 1970 and then Roger and I talked about our visit in 74. Seeing the observatory wasn't possible since my friend no longer worked there and there was some construction going on. I was disappointed but still enjoyed seeing the buildings and the area again.

We finished with the main site and Roger drove us to the cable car station. Roger and I had not made it to the new cable car ride when we visited. We were too focused on the observatory. We got our tickets and spent our wait time in the gift shop. I couldn't resist and bought the kids shirts, some rocks, a kaleidoscope and we got postcards to mail out to friends and family. I then got everyone to pose for pictures at a scenic spot and even got out my stereo camera for some interesting views. Our boarding time arrived and we headed over to wait for the next car. Jimi took my hand and looked up at me. He was eager to ride.

"I'm not big on high places..." Mia commented. She looked a little nervous. I smiled at her.

"I would stand in the middle of the car...stay away from being right up by the windows...it won't be as bad there..." I suggested. I wished she would have mentioned this before. One of us could have stayed at the station with her. "If you would rather stay here...I can stay with you.." I offered. She smiled at me and waved her hand dismissively.

"Your idea is good...I'll be fine in the middle.." she answered. Tiger Lily went up to her.

"I'll hold your hand and you'll be safe then..." she suggested. Mia beamed at her and took hold of her delicate little hand.

"Thanks Tigs..." Mia told her. Tiger Lily just smiled up at her and the doors to the car opened up and we all went to get in. Roger and Clare plastered themselves by a side window and Mia and Tiger Lily went to the center of the car. I had Jimi's hand and we went to the front to look out the window. The car began to close and I realized it was just our little group on board. It was nice and I smiled as I turned and watched everyone take in the view as we headed up the side of the mountain. It was breathtaking to see as we neared the peak of the volcano. There was such a beautiful palette of earth tones on the mountainside. It was lovely to see on the slow ride up. It was warm for this time of year and there was barely a hint of snow.

"How high up are we?" Roger asked as we began to reach the top of the station.

"The sign said we go up to about 3500 meters..." I answered. Our car stopped and we got out at the top and enjoyed the amazing views from the observation deck. We could see some of the other Canary Islands out in the distance. After staying a bit and getting some photos, we returned to a cable car to ride back down. There was a full car of people this time. I noticed on the way back that Clare seemed quiet. She had been all day. It was evident something was on her mind besides our holiday. Roger and the kids were looking out the other window and Mia had grown comfortable enough to join them. I kept my eye on Clare as she stared out of a window on her own. I wanted to ask her if she was still feeling down about her breakup. I felt bad that she had been unlucky in the dating department. She is an amazing woman and I couldn't understand how she was still single. As I considered something to ask her so I could strike up a conversation the cable car jerked a little. I heard everyone gasp a bit but we smoothed right out. The thing that caught my eye was Clare. Right after we had the jerking movement I saw her place her hand over her stomach. She immediately looked down at her abdomen and gently made a circle with the palm of her hand. I almost gasped from seeing this gesture because the only time I had seen her do this before was when she was pregnant. Is Clare pregnant?

The consideration stayed with me as we reached the base station and got back in the car to returned to our villa in Los Cristianos. I found myself eyeing her at every opportunity. We stopped in Vilaflor to get a late lunch. The kids were hyper for some reason and Jimi was running around our table.

"Slow down!" Roger scolded Jimi and tried to grab him as he went by. Roger didn't catch him and Jimi headed straight for Clare and went to dive into her lap. Roger jumped out of his seat. "Stop!" he yelled as Jimi almost landed on her. She had put her arms out and he only brushed his head against her chest. She made a sound like she had some wind knocked out of her and tried to laugh as Roger came up and grabbed Jimi. "Careful little man!" Roger told him and pulled him from Clare's lap. I noticed Clare wince as she tried to rub her breasts discreetly. So - she was holding her stomach and her breasts seemed tender. I was convinced now she was pregnant but couldn't say anything. I had a lot of questions going through my head as we left the cafe and drove back to the villa.

Tonight was New Years Eve and we had talked about different things we could do to celebrate. It ranged from a night in at the villa with some champagne and the radio or going to Playa de las Americas to see the new year in at a local disco. Mia wasn't interested in going to a club and preferred to stay in with the kids. The kids were napping when we returned. Mia was taking a bath. I wanted to see what Roger and Clare wanted to do and would go along with their choice.

"Let's go to the club...I really want to dance tonight..." Clare advised us. Roger looked at me for my input.

"I'm game for whatever you want..." I answered. Roger and Clare shared a look that made me wonder if he already knew about her condition.

"Let's try and keep the drinking to a minimum...don't want to spoil our last day here tomorrow with a hangover..." Roger suggested. He and Clare looked at each other again and I was certain he knew. This was a ploy to give Clare an out for drinking tonight. I smiled and decided to play along.

"Sounds fine with me..." I replied. We all smiled at each other and Clare got up from the sofa.

"I brought a dress just in case...let's hope it still fits after all this holiday eating..." she told us and I saw her wink at Roger as she left the room. He watched her leave and then turned to look at me.

"What are you wearing tonight?" he inquired. I stood up from the chair and stretched.

"I brought that black suit you bought me..." I answered. "How about you?" I asked. Roger grinned at me as he got up and came over to my side. My t shirt had ridden up my stomach from my stretching. Roger ran his fingers over my bared skin and up under my shirt.

"Why don't you come to our room and I'll model it for you?" he said with a wink in my direction. I forgot about Clare for a moment as I followed Roger to our bedroom and locked the door.

---------------------------------

We found a nightclub called Luna and they played a mix of Spanish and English music. There was a massive New Years Eve party going on and we were certainly dressed for the occasion. I had on my suit with a white shirt and thin black tie. Roger had opted for his black leather trousers and a sleek satin jacket. He wore a black shirt underneath with his own thin tie. Clare was able to get in her outfit and showed off her black satin off the shoulder dress. It was the newest style according to her. It had a white velvet sash around the middle that formed a bow in back. She looked really cute and it showed off her slim figure.

The place was getting packed when we arrived. Luckily they were still admitting people. Roger bribed the hostess for one of the few remaining tables and we were escorted to a small table in the middle of the noisy club. We got seated and ordered some drinks. The new hit song by Human League started and Clare and Roger went for a dance. 'Don't You Want Me' played on as I watched them and others out on the floor. I enjoyed my vodka tonic and ordered us another round when a waiter came by. There was a great mix of music and Roger and Clare stayed on the floor for a Spanish dance song and a number from Duran Duran. When it finished they walked back towards me holding hands and laughing. Both in great spirits. I smiled at their joy in having some real time together during our holiday. I wondered if they were both smiling about the secret they held between them. That Clare is pregnant. They both took their seats and Clare leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"You owe me a dance..." she informed me as she grabbed her drink and took a sip. I hadn't said a word when she ordered a coke instead of a mixed drink. "Promise me after the next song we'll get out there..." she said. I nodded to her and finished my first drink. Roger smiled at me and I wished I could get up and dance with him. I'm not the best dancer but had fond memories of previous New Years where I danced with him and shared a midnight kiss. He ran his hand across the table and then under it and I felt him take my hand in his. It was like he read my mind just then and we shared an understanding expression about what we both wished we could do right now. He settled his hand on top of mine on my thigh and winked at me. It made me feel good despite our limitations in public displays of affection.

"Are you Brian May?" I heard someone ask in a British accent. I turned and saw a young man looking right at me with an expression of wonder. Our eyes met and before I could answer he glanced over at Roger. My husband kept hold of my hand under the table as moving it right then might be noticed. "Oh my god! You're Roger Taylor!" the man exclaimed.

"Yes...it is us..." I confirmed. The man looked elated to hear this. Roger casually leaned away from me and slipped his hand from mine. Like an old habit , Clare leaned my way and I saw her hand on the table and I took it in mine like it was the most natural thing in the world. Resuming roles as pretend partners.

"Happy New Year!" Roger told the young man and reached out to shake his hand. The man smiled widely and took his hand.

"Happy New Year to you too...it's an honor to meet you..." he said back. "Can I just say I am a huge Queen fan and I can't believe you are here?" he stated in disbelief. "I love your music!" he exclaimed.

"Thanks...we appreciate it..." I replied sincerely. The man reached out and we shook hands as well.

"Are you here on holiday?" he questioned. We both nodded.

"Yes...and you?" Roger responded.

"Yeah...I'm here with my family...." the young man responded. "Could I get your autograph?" he asked. I wasn't sure how we were supposed to give him one since he didn't appear to have a pen or paper and neither did we.

"Do you have a pen?" I asked him. He looked lost and I looked at Clare. She usually had something in her handbag but tonight she just had a small clutch bag with her that only had essentials. She shook her head before I could ask if she had anything.

"Sorry...I guess I didn't think..." the young man replied. "Anyway...it was thrilling to meet you and enjoy the rest of your holiday...." he told us. We all smiled at him.

"You too..." I responded. He smiled back and began walking away. Roger and I shared a quick glance between us. Relieved he didn't appear to notice Roger and I holding hands. Clare tapped my hand.

"That was close..." she remarked. We all sighed and Clare tugged at my hand. "I want my dance..." she told me. I smiled at her and stood up as I offered my hand and we took off for the floor as Roger waved us off. The song was changing as we neared the floor and I wanted to laugh as 'Another One Bites The Dust' started playing. Clare cackled with delight as I pulled her close and we tried to do some semblance of funk dancing. I found my poorly coordinated moves embarrassing but Clare didn't seem to mind. She was joyful and looked radiant as we moved around our space on the floor. I tried my best not to step on her feet in her low black pumps.

"Sorry...you know this isn't my forte..." I reminded her. She just smiled at me and we kept dancing. About halfway through the song I saw Roger come on the floor with an older woman who wasn't terribly attractive but was beaming like she won the lottery as Roger winked at us both and then pulled her in for a dance. I figured she had been bold enough to ask him for a turn on the floor and he agreed. I knew it was innocent and watched this woman enjoy every moment of his attention and much better dance moves than I had.

"I think my brother just made that woman's night..." she remarked. I nodded agreement as the song changed and I pulled Clare closer for a slower Spanish song.

"I think you're right..." I replied with a wide grin. I held onto Clare's hand and waist and moved her around slowly. My mind returning to her secret as I touched her side. Wondering what the circumstances were. Wondering when she was going to tell me. It was like she knew what I was thinking. She stopped our dance and took hold of my hand and began leading me from the floor.

"I need a break...come with me..." she said as we headed towards our table. She walked past the table and we went for the bathrooms. I walked her to the ladies and she went inside as I waited for her near the door. A few woman waiting around were looking at me and I simply smiled. It became apparent one of them recognized me. She walked up wearing an acknowledging look.

"Are you that guy from Queen?" she asked me. I began to realize that with the large contingent of British tourists on Tenerife this was fast becoming a place where we were going to have to lay low to avoid fans. I nodded.

"Yes..." I answered. She and her friend both formed excited expressions and she walked up to me opening up her handbag.

"Wow! I love your songs! Can I get your autograph?" she asked me. I smiled and nodded agreement as she produced a pen and a small notebook. I took them from her.

"Thanks...what's your name?" I inquired.

"Patsy..." she responded. I personalized the autograph and then her friend Anna asked for one as well. I signed another blank page for her as Clare came out of the toilets.

"Here you go ladies...Happy New Year..." The women thanked me as Clare approached. Clare smiled at the ladies and I extended my hand to her to show them I was with her. She took it and we headed off towards the table. There was a small corner on the way that was pretty empty and she pulled me in that direction. I followed and she stopped and turned to face me.

"I wanted to tell you something before the year ended..." she announced. I had a feeling I knew what she was going to say.

"Okay..." I responded. She looked a little nervous and I felt bad for her. Based on her change in demeanor she seemed uncertain about telling me.

"Brian...I was dating a guy for a while and we broke up a few weeks ago..." she began. She ran her hand up and down her other arm and was anxious as she spoke to me. "Well something happened and I just wanted you to know...because I love you and I don't like keeping secrets from you..." she told me. I felt honored to be trusted with news she considered a secret. She was hesitating with saying it. I wondered if she thought I might judge her and think less of her. It wouldn't be the case.

"Are you trying to tell me you're pregnant?" I finally said to lift the burden off her. Her face registered surprise and she gasped a little.

"How?" she questioned and then almost laughed. "Yes...I am!" she replied a little flustered. I simply smiled at her and took her hands.

"And are you happy about this or feeling something else?" I questioned. She first looked relieved I knew and then seemed a bit uncertain.

"I'm not sure yet..." she confessed. I pulled her closer by her hands and tried to convey support and understanding.

"If you decide you want to have the baby please know that you can come back home to live and we will do everything we can to help you Clare..." I told her. It seemed to strike the right note. She looked a little more relaxed.

"I really appreciate you saying that..." she responded. "If I do decide to have it...I have to consider that I might lose my job over it..." she revealed. "My employers are fairly conservative and might not care for an unwed mother...even in this day and age..." It was ridiculous that in 1981 this might still be an issue for her. I knew she worked for a man who was pretty straight laced. I had an idea.

"Then come work for us..." I told her. "We're an absolute mess...your brother and I...we could use your skills in handling our calendar and day to day affairs..." I explained. She looked at me with gratitude and I knew she thought I was making this up to save her skin. It was true though. Lately our lives had become so busy and with both of us trying to do some things separately it had become a complicated mess at times. "I mean it Clare...we have trouble keeping up with two schedules and as you know the fan mail is in a dreadful state..." Clare chuckled at my argument.

"That last point is definitely true..." she agreed with ardor.

"All of it is true..." I countered. I pulled her in for a hug. Feeling protective of her and wishing she didn't have to deal with this difficult decision. I felt her wrap her arms around me and pull me in tight. She started crying and my heart hurt to think of the pain in making this choice.

"If I have it...I'm doing it alone...the father has washed his hands of the situation..." she told me in a fretful tone as she wept. I held her close and wished I could take the hurt away. I wanted to find this creep and see to him. Nobody hurts her!

"I'm sorry he's let you down Clare..." I told her with empathy. "It's his loss in my book..." I added. An idea struck me and I went with it. "If you're worried about any stigma...just tell the world it's mine..." I suggested. "We've already got Jimi and no one would question a second child..." Clare pulled me away from her and looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

"You'd tell the world it's yours?" she questioned and I nodded to her.

"Of course I would..." I answered confidently and wiped some hair from her damp cheeks. "I am happy to let anyone think so and we can raise your baby with the other kids..." I offered. "We're a family Clare..." I reminded her with a warm smile. "An odd one...but that is what we are..." She found a smile for me and pulled me back in for a hug. I held onto her as she finished her tears and calmed down. I rubbed her back gently and waited. She finally pulled us apart and she tried to wipe at her face. She made a small hiccup sound as she collected herself. "You okay?" I asked her. She nodded and wiped at her face again and looked aghast at some mascara on her hand.

"Ugh! I'm a mess!" she exclaimed. She looked back over towards the area with the toilets. "I'm going to tidy my face and I'll meet you at the table..." she said as she patted my chest and wore a happier expression.

"Okay..." I told her. She smiled at me and then walked towards the bathroom. I watched her go and hoped she was feeling better. Having told me and finding some solutions to the issues troubling her. I felt someone approach and wondered if it was another person who might have recognized me. I turned and saw Roger come up to my side.

"I wondered where you'd gone..." he remarked. He then saw my face and looked worried. "Is everything alright?" he questioned and then glanced around. "Where is Clare?" he asked with concern. I grabbed his arm as he went to walk away.

"She's okay...she went to the bathroom to freshen up..." I told him. Roger relaxed a little but then took a good look at me. His face looked troubled.

"She told you..." he finally blurted out. I nodded to him.

"Actually...I had already figured it out..." I informed him. He looked shocked for a moment and then seemed to accept it.

"I shouldn't be surprised..." he responded. "You two really have developed instincts about each other over the years..." Roger grinned at me. "I should have known you'd figure out she was pregnant...."

"She told me the father is out of the picture..." I said to make sure he knew she had told me that particular point. He nodded and sighed.

"Yeah...he's a total prick apparently....not worthy of having a child with her in my book..." he remarked with derision. "I'd personally like to find him and give him a piece of my mind..." Roger said with real anger in his voice. I tightened my grip on his arm.

"You and me both Rog...but it wouldn't change the situation..." I reminded him. He nodded agreement and we just looked at each other. Understanding the desire to still beat the shit out of him for hurting her.

"I know..." he said out loud. "But it does cause her a lot of problems..." he remarked.

"I told her I would say I was the father..." I informed him. Roger formed a look of admiration and he pulled us into the darker part of the corner as I kept speaking. "I also told her to move back home and work for us as our secretary..." I explained. "If she wants to keep the baby it would make things easier for her..."

"I love you Brian May!" he told me and drew a a heart shape on my back with his finger. I knew it was his way of kissing me in a place where we couldn't have one.

"I love you Roger...and Clare...and we are a family...and we will take care of her..." I stated emphatically. We shared a tender smile and I remembered Clare said to meet back at the table. "We need to get to the table to meet her..." I told him. We both took off for the abandoned table and found her coming that way from the bathrooms.

"I say we head out..." Clare remarked as we met up. "You've already been recognized a few times and I got my dances in...." she informed us. We agreed and Roger left some money on the table as we walked to the exit. We headed out of the club and went to the parking lot for the car. We were soon on our way to Los Cristianos and our villa. Clare told us about her former boyfriend and the circumstances of them breaking up. She kept her emotions in check and seemed to be handling things better. I kept an eye on the time as Roger drove us back. It was almost midnight when we pulled into the drive. We got out and walked to the entrance.

"I'll get us something for a toast..." Roger said as we went inside. Clare set her clutch bag down and we both stood at the kitchen counter as Roger poured some apple juice in three wine glasses. We each took one as he walked around to join us. I checked my watch and saw we had about 15 seconds.

"15, 14, 13, 12..." I began counting out loud and they both joined in. When we reached zero we all smiled at each other.

"Happy New Year!" we all said in unison in quiet voices. I leaned over and gave Clare a chaste kiss and so did Roger. He and I then looked intently at each other and shared a brief kiss. I held up my glass and we all looked at each other with warmth.

"To a new year and new beginnings..." I said as I looked at Clare.

"And to new life..." she added. "Probably in July...." I realized she was telling us she was keeping the baby. We clinked glasses and all looked happy.

"July is a good month to be born..." Roger remarked. We all grinned at his reference to our mutual birth month. "If it's born on my birthday...I'm naming it!" he demanded. Clare shot him a look of disdain.

"Yes Rog...I really want a baby named after a type of car or drumkit!" she said sarcastically. I knew it was time for some sibling piss taking. Roger made a face of mock offence.

"There is nothing wrong with a son called Ludwig Maserati!" he said teasingly. She slapped his arm and I laughed.

"In your dreams!" she said back curtly. "I'll let Brian name it before you do..." she challenged. Roger shoved her hand away and rolled his eyes.

"Wonderful!" Roger said with complete horror. "Here's a toast to your son Clare...Isaac Harold Newton May!" I slapped his arm now and Clare laughed.

"That is ridiculous!" I responded and made a scoffing sound and then looked smug. "His middle name would be Moonbeam...not Harold..." I informed them. Now it was my turn to be slapped and I enjoyed every moment of their teasing and their joyful banter.

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Roger's POV

Our holiday was over. The New Year had arrived and so had Clare's decision about her baby. She was keeping it. We decided to talk more about a plan for her to move home and work for us directly. There was time to sort that out and we enjoyed the rest of our time on the island. She was sick again the morning we left. If Mia had figured out what was going on she said nothing. We would tell her after Clare's doctor visit. The children would be told much later when things were settled.

We left the villa and boarded the flight for home. Everyone got settled in the private jet and we took off for London. I decided to catch up on some neglected reading and thumbed through some music magazines. I got to an issue of Rolling Stone and found a note taped to it with Crystal's writing. He indicated this was the review he had mentioned to me a few months back. I thumbed through it and found their article about our shows in Argentina. It was a horrendous review. I read some of the word choices this prat made and my blood boiled.
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'The rhythm section is sloppy and sluggish; May's guitar playing is limited to heavy-metal/hard-rock clichés and patented, though by now boring, harmonic lead breaks; Mercury's singing is lackadaisical and without conviction.'
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I tried to give him some allowances because these words were about the sound check and we had encountered some issues. He was scathing in his remarks and I kept reading as my ire increased.
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'The musicianship still seems pedestrian, but what the group lacks in ability, it makes up for – at least to the fans' satisfaction – in gimmickry.'
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I was fit to be tied by the time I finished his crass article. I could ignore his apparent attitude problem about the band in general but he depicted Freddie as a flamboyant buffoon. I tossed the magazine aside and practically growled in disgust.

"Somethin wrong Rog?" Brian asked me as he looked up from a book he was reading. I lifted up the magazine and snarled.

"This magazine makes me sick sometimes!" I complained and Brian smirked at me. "Ugh!" I whined. Brian leaned over to his side and pulled out an airline sickness bag. He handed it to me with a chuckle and an amused look.

"If you're going to vomit over Rolling Stone...you might want this..." he commented. I wanted to vomit all over this periodical's self inflated view of themselves and their warped sense of what rock and roll is really about. I got an idea and grabbed a book from my reading stack. I placed the sickness bag on top of it and found a pen.

"What are you doing?" Brian asked me as he crossed his legs and looked on keenly. I formed a smug expression as I put pen to puke bag and began writing.

"Just spilling my guts to Rolling Stone..."

A/N - The quotes mentioned above that Roger was reading are pulled from the actual article he read in issue # 345. This is his famous letter to the magazine in response to their scathing review. Written on an airline motion sickness bag. You ca find a copy of it online by searching for Roger Taylor and Rolling Stone. We love angry Roger!

Chapter Text

12th January 1982

Munich

Roger's POV

"Call me when you get back from the doctor's...if you don't reach me...leave me a message..." I told Brian on the phone. My sister was finally seeing her doctor this afternoon.

"I will...have fun today..." Brian responded. "Love you..."

"Love you too..." I said quietly and hung up the phone. I watched Freddie and Paul Prenter walk through the breakroom and Paul handed Freddie something. I was curious what it was and then I watched as Freddie stopped and flung what apparently was some kind of pill in his mouth and then sip from the can in his hand. I found it interesting as Freddie had not mentioned feeling unwell.

"Are you coming?" Freddie asked as he turned to look at me. I got up from the chair by the telephone and followed him. I fumbled for my cigarettes as we walked into the control room. Freddie was seated next to Billy and I took the seat by Mack.

"This is called 'Emotions in Motion'..." Billy explained to us. "Take a listen and see what you think you might do with it..." he asked. I lit my cigarette as Mack began the tape. It was a slower song from the others Billy had played us. I sat and listened and tried not to let everything going on in my personal life distract me. I was here to focus on Billy Squier's new record. Freddie and I had flown out early to go over some tracks with him. Mack was producing his new album and they both asked us to sit in for some possible backing vocals.

Brian had remained at home to go to the doctor with Clare. This would confirm her pregnancy and establish a due date. Once we knew some details we needed to tell Mia and also my mother. Brian wanted to wait to say anything to his parents. He wasn't sure how they would react to Clare being pregnant and single and Brian wanting to be named as the father to protect her publicly. We would decide after that when to tell the kids and make plans for Clare to move back to our place. I shifted in my seat and tried to ignore the fact that my jeans were feeling pretty tight. I had enjoyed the holidays and our trip to Tenerife a bit too much and my waistline was paying the price. Everyone was focused on listening so I casually undid the top button of my jeans and practically sighed in relief.

I liked the song. It wasn't my favorite of his new tracks but I agreed it needed a little something to fill it out. We finished listening and Mack and Freddie both had suggestions. We decided to try a few things and Freddie and I went into the recording booth and donned our headphones. Paul came in with us and sat nearby. He was like a lady in waiting these days and I smirked as I watched him fuss over Freddie's drink he had carried in. We ran through some ideas and recorded our efforts. Billy and Mack discussed a few changes and Freddie and I each had a smoke while they tried a trial mix.

"What are you doing tonight?" Freddie asked me as we waited. I shrugged. It had been awhile since I had been alone in Munich. I had just spent a solid month with Brian and the kids. I was eager for some nightlife.

"I'm up for a night out..." I responded. Freddie grinned and looked over at Paul. They seemed to share an expression of delight hearing this. Freddie leaned closer to me.

"There's a new place you have to see to believe..." he remarked. "Come with us tonight..." he requested. I instinctively knew it was probably a gay establishment. On most days it wasn't my cup of tea since all that happened was me getting hit on constantly. I decided to appease my friend and tolerate it for a night.

"Alright...let's go..."

----------------------------

London

Brian's POV

"Don't worry...we'll be just on time..." Clare assured me. We had been unable to find a parking spot and were rushing into the building where her doctor was located. I held the door as she stepped in and we walked briskly to the lift. Clare pressed the button as she began to peel off her coat. "I'm a bit warm from the rush..." she remarked and I took her coat from her so she could cool off. She fanned herself and when the lift door opened we both stepped in. She suddenly made a funny sound and formed a grimace on her face. She clutched at her stomach and blew out her breath. "Bloody morning sickness.." she grumbled and then tried to smile as the lift went up to the 8th floor.

"Have you had a lot of it?" I asked her as we arrived. She nodded.

"It's been terrible the past few days...I've just stayed at home in bed to be honest..." she said as she stood straight again and the nausea seemed to pass. "I've felt pretty crappy and been tired since we got home from Tenerife..." I hoped she would get past these early symptoms and feel better. We reached her doctor's office and went inside. We went to get her checked in and I arranged for the bills to be sent to my business address. We went to take a seat but the nurse, Patty, appeared and called us back.

"I understand you're pregnant..." Patty inquired and Clare smiled at her.

"Yes...I used one of those home tests before the holidays and it was positive...and trust me...I've got the morning sickness to prove it!" she remarked with amusement. Patty grinned at her as we arrived at the exam room.

"Let's get you in here and see what's going on then..." she remarked. She looked at me as we stepped inside.

"Ready for another one Brian?" she questioned. It felt odd to be here with the true circumstances of her pregnancy. I simply smiled back and nodded as I leaned into Clare.

"I love kids...so the more the merrier..." I answered. Patty kept her smile as she got Clare's vitals and they chatted about her symptoms.

"Here is your gown and the doctor will be in soon..." Patty told us before she stepped out of the room. I held my hand up and covered my eyes. Shielding my view of Clare changing into the gown. I didn't want to leave the room as the office believes we are a couple and I needed to keep up the illusion. Clare giggled as she changed.

"Such a gentleman..." she told me.

"I try to be when I can..." after a minute Clare told me I could look. She stepped up to sit on the table while we waited.

"So I have to ask...if you could choose...do you want a boy or a girl?" I asked her. She shrugged.

"I haven't got that far with my thinking..." she replied. "I've experienced raising both so I guess it doesn't matter...they both have their good and bad qualities..." I thought it was a reasonable answer.

"Do you want any more children?" Clare asked me next. I was surprised by her question and considered the idea.

"I wouldn't mind having another..." I replied honestly. "I guess my concern would be that we are gone so much and we do try to make it up to the two we have when we are home...having one more would spread us even thinner...and it would be more work for Mia..." Clare seemed to appreciate what I said. She leaned back on the table.

"I may be moving back in with you but I plan to be the caregiver for my child...I don't expect Mia to have to handle anything..." Clare commented. I felt this wasn't realistic if she was going to work.

"You will be working Clare...and there will be times you might need to accompany us to meetings or even travel...we will figure out what to do down the road..." I suggested. Before she could answer there was a knock and the door opened. It was Dr. Larsen. She stepped in and smiled at us both.

"Hello Clare and hello to you too Brian..." she greeted. I stood up to shake her hand and then she walked over to Clare.

"Hi Dr. Larsen..." Clare answered.

"So my chart says you're pregnant..." she remarked. She smiled at us both as she laid down her paperwork. "Tell me how you confirmed this..." she asked.

"I took a home test before the holidays and it was positive...and I've had similar symptoms to my previous pregnancy..." Dr. Larsen nodded and listened. "I've missed my period and had morning sickness, my breasts are tender and I've had fatigue and just this past week I've had a bit of cramping and spotting but it has gone away..."

"Well that sounds like you probably are pregnant..." Dr. Larsen responded. "I want to get some preliminary tests and let's do an exam to just make sure everything looks good..." The door opened and the nurse came in to assist. I kept out of the way as they drew some blood and then Clare stepped into the bathroom next door to provide a urine sample. The doctor then had Clare lay back and began her physical exam. I stepped up to stand by her head to give her some privacy. I took her hand for support.

"Okay..." Dr. Larsen remarked as she began examining Clare. I focused on Clare's face and noticed her grimace again as the doctor was checking her. "Clare...." the doctor remarked in a voice that instantly had me worried. Dr. Larsen looked up at her with a solemn expression. "Clare...you said you were having some spotting and cramping?" the doctor questioned.

"Yes...but it went away..." she said quickly. I heard some concern in Clare's voice and she clenched my hand. The doctor kept checking her and I saw her face drop a bit. She then looked up at Clare and I knew something was wrong.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news..." Dr. Larsen announced and she glanced my way as she said it. I instantly knew what it was. "I'm afraid your pregnancy hasn't taken..." she informed us. "You've miscarried..."

-------------------------------------

Munich

Roger's POV

We arrived at the club that had a massive letter V on the marquee. The car dropped us at the front and Freddie and Paul walked past the roped off line of guests and the doorman instantly raised the rope to allow us in. We were immediately being escorted to a private booth near the far side of the club. The place was vibrating with music and was full of men who were either dressed to the nines or barely had anything on.

"What does the 'V' stand for?" I asked Freddie loudly as I surveyed the dark atmosphere. He grinned at me.

"Vulgar..." he explained. I laughed at the blatant name as we slid into the black leather booth and a fairly young man wearing only a pair of black leather shorts took our drink order. I smirked at the wardrobe choice of the club and noticed Paul watching the waiter walk away from us. Clearly enjoying the view.

"You said Clare's doctor's appointment is today?" Freddie asked me with interest as he lit a cigarette. "Has she confirmed she's pregnant?"

"She's definitely pregnant and she's pretty sure her due date will be the end of June or first of July..." I told him. Freddie turned to Paul.

"I guess we should let Stickells know this so he can make sure the boys are home for the birth before our American tour..." Freddie told Paul. Paul nodded but eyed me warily as Freddie gave me his attention again.

"Good point Fred..." I remarked. He smiled at me as Paul leaned closer to us both.

"It seems like we've had to make a lot of adjustments to schedules between your kids and Deacon's..." Paul commented. I was somewhat annoyed with his opinion.

"Yes...well...life does get in the way of our best laid plans sometimes..." I reminded him.

"Why do you need to be there? It's only your niece or nephew after all..." Paul said to press his point. Now I was really irritated and glared at him.

"Biologically they would be my niece or nephew...but I will be a big part of their life and I plan to be there for as many moments as I can...starting with their birth.." I answered in a tone that conveyed my aggravation. Freddie patted my arm.

"Roger has a unique family situation and we need to respect what is important to him and Brian..." Freddie said diplomatically. I smiled at my friend for having my back. Freddie may not have any kids but he understood. Apparently Paul does not. And the look Paul gave me confirmed it.

The waiter arrived with our drinks and Paul flirted with him as he served us. The man did flirt back so I couldn't be too annoyed. I sipped my cocktail and leaned back to survey the crowd. The dance floor was crowded and they were playing hardcore disco. I was beginning to wonder if I would have a good time tonight. Brian wasn't here and I felt like I would just end up watching these two hit on men all night. I emptied my drink and flagged the waiter as he walked by to get another.

"Would you gentlemen be interested in some private entertainment?" I heard someone ask in English but with a German accent. I looked up to see a man standing there dressed in formal evening wear. It was odd considering the amount of leather in the place.

"Yes...we would..." Freddie answered. It was clear he knew what the entertainment was and formed a Cheshire Cat grin as the man gestured for us to follow him. I grabbed my drink and got up and walked behind him and Paul. We went down the walkway towards the back of the club and were shown into one of several red doors.

"Do you know what we are seeing?" I asked Freddie as we entered a low lit room. He grabbed my arm and led me over to a row of leather sofas. We got seated as he answered.

"It's a private viewing show..." he replied and gestured at a velvet curtain on the other side of the room. I was getting ready to ask what we were going to view when the lights in the room went out and some type of black light came on. I leaned back on the sofa and tried to light a cigarette in the almost blue light. Music blared into the room and it was Soft Cell's hit from last year, Tainted Love. The curtain started pulling back to reveal a large platform that seemed like a giant mattress. From behind the mattress I saw people begin to climb up on it. They were only wearing a loose white shift over their bodies. There were six young men and I realized what this was. We were about to witness an orgy. Two of the men immediately began kissing and two others pulled off their shifts as they made out. The black blue light of the room slowing began strobing on us. It created an erotic illusion as you captured snippets of the men as the light flickered around us all. Images of kissing and groping. Of flesh and sex.

This entire atmosphere and what I was seeing reminded me of that party where Brian and I were drugged. I wondered if these young men had been drugged or were just paid enough to do whatever was asked of them. As I began to feel uncomfortable with the reminder of that night in Miami, I turned to see Freddie taking a line of cocaine from a small tray. He finished and handed it to Paul who proceeded to empty a fresh line on it from a vial in his hand.

"You want some?" Freddie asked as he caught me watching. I was shocked to hear him ask me. He knew what happened the last time I did cocaine. It had caused me nothing but trouble. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Suddenly feeling anxious and wishing I hadn't come tonight.

"I think I'm going to head out..." I told him and set my drink on the table and started to get up as Freddie grabbed my arm.

"Oh come on Rog!" he said in a whiny voice. "You don't have to do the coke but at least enjoy the show..." he pleaded. I noticed Paul watching me and he rubbed under his nose with his hand and smiled at me.

"It gets even better..." Paul remarked as he leaned towards me. "If you like any of the men, you can have them for yourself later..." he informed me. I had no interest in finding someone for the night and was surprised that he assumed I would be.

"You know what?" I said back. "I'm good! You two enjoy your party..." I announced and stood up and walked to the door. A man was standing guard and I gestured to let me out. He cracked it open and I slipped out into the club. I walked briskly down the aisle towards the exit. Checking my pocket for my smokes and then felt someone grab me.

"Schonling!" a tall broad man said in a German accent as he held me by my waist. "Come dance with me..." he requested. I pulled myself from his grasp and shook my head to make sure he understood.

"Sorry...not interested..." I said as politely as I could muster and made haste for the exit. I was out the door and didn't bother looking for Freddie's limo. The doorman got me a taxi and I took off for the hotel. I found the money and paid the driver when we arrived. It felt good to be in my suite as I locked my door and sighed in relief. Glad to be away from the drugs and sexual temptations. Annoyed that Freddie would think I was actually interested in indulging in all that. I wished I had checked in with Crystal instead. He might be on the prowl for women when we go out but he respects my boundaries. I was annoyed that Freddie did not tonight.

I turned on the room light and instantly noticed the message light on my phone and tossed my coat over a chair as I walked to it. I was certain Brian had called about Clare and felt this news would cheer me up. I sat down and pressed the message button. It took a minute and then I heard Brian's voice.

"Rog...it's me...I've got bad news...Clare had a miscarriage..." I felt my stomach drop hearing this. "I'm at Clare's...call us here when you get in...." Brian sounded so sad and it mirrored the emotion welling up inside me.

"Fuck!" I shouted and slammed the phone down. I was instantly angry that this happened and that my sister had to endure this. And she was going through this and I wasn't there! I got up from the bed and walked to the kitchen area of the suite and found a bottle of whisky. I prepared myself a double and took a large drink as I walked back to the bed. I kicked off my shoes and sighed as I held on to my glass and hung my head low trying to absorb the news. I had to calm down so I could talk to my sister. I took a few deep breaths and considered having a cigarette but knew I just needed to call. They probably rang me hours ago but I had gone out. I picked up the phone and called the operator to connect me to my sister's phone number.

As it rang I tried to come up with some words to say to her. Feeling like no words would be enough because I should be there. My only consolation was that Brian was with her.

"Hello..." It was Brian.

"It's me Bri...I'm so sorry...I went out with Freddie and just got back..." I explained. Feeling guilty. "How is she?" I immediately asked.

"It's okay Rog...she's doing okay...but I know she wants to talk to you...hang on..." I waited and bit my lip to brace myself for her voice.

"Hi..." Clare said in a subdued tone. Her not sounding like her usual chipper self brought home her situation even more.

"Oh Bear...I'm so sorry this happened..." I told her and felt myself get a bit teary eyed. "I wish I was there right now...because I give you the biggest hug you ever had..." I was trying to convey the comfort I wanted her to have.

"I know Dodger..." she replied in a more solid voice. "I promise I'm going to be okay...I'm just hurting right now..." she told me. I worried she was in some type of physical pain.

"Are you doing okay physically or is it just emotional?" I asked her.

"I'm comfortable Rog...don't worry...I'm just sad...you know...I had kind of become used to the idea of having it...and I'll admit I was a bit excited at the idea of my baby being due around the same time Princess Diana is having hers..." I smiled at her notion. She loved Diana and had watched the royal wedding at our house since we had a bigger television. She got dressed up and even had Tiger Lily wearing a plastic tiara and play dress bridal gown. I actually laughed a little at the thought.

"You can always try again Bear...and I'm sure Diana will have more kids..." I said with reassurance.

"You're right...but for now I need to be disappointed and I will feel better in time..." she answered honestly.

"I understand..." I responded. "Do you have everything you need?" I questioned. "Do you need me to do anything?" I was feeling a bit useless.

"Brian's been great...I'm all set..." Clare informed me. "He's going to stay here tonight..." I was glad to hear it. I understood that she didn't want to go to our house. Mia and the children didn't know and her being there in an emotional state would draw questions.

"If you need me to come home..." I began to tell her and she cut me off.

"You don't need to come home...I'll be alright...I promise..." she insisted. "I'm really tired so I'm going to let you go and you can talk to Brian...thanks for calling Rog...I love you..." she said and a tear slid down my face. I ignored it.

"I love you too Bear...take care and if you need anything...please just say the word..." I replied. I waited for Brian to come back on the line.

"Hey..." he said in a quiet voice and the tears amplified as the shock gave way to reality.

"Is she really okay?" I asked him in an emotional voice. I wiped at my tears and struggled to keep hold of the phone and my drink.

"She's cried a bit and she's sad...let's see how she is tomorrow..." he told me. "If I think she might not be doing okay I will insist I stay longer...or that she come to the house..." Brian said. I felt better knowing he planned to monitor her closely.

"If she wants to get away she could always come to Munich with you..." I suggested. I wondered if a change of scenery might help. I set my glass down and wiped at my face with my shirt sleeve.

"Oh right...because Munich is such a cheerful place in the winter..." Brian said sarcastically. It is cold and grey here during the winter months. He is right about that. "Remember Rog...Mack's wife is pregnant right now so I don't think it would be the best idea..." I had forgot about Ingrid being pregnant and was grateful Brian had remembered. That would have been awkward and painful for Clare.

"God Brian...I forgot about Ingrid!" I responded. "I just meant being somewhere besides London...you know what I mean..."

"I know...the truth is we both want to fix this but we can't Rog...we just have to let her grieve about this..." he reminded me. He was absolutely right. I was trying to fix it and I can't.

"Yeah...we have to be patient..." I agreed. We both sighed into the phone and I could tell he was feeling the same hurt I was. "Thanks for being with her..." I said sincerely. "If she was alone right now..." I said and then couldn't finish my sentence. I was feeling emotional again.

"Let's both get some sleep and we will talk to you tomorrow...call us when you're free..." Brian suggested.

"Okay...sounds good..." I concurred. "I love you Brian..." I told him. Still wishing I was there.

"I love you too Rog..." he replied. "I'll talk to you tomorrow..." we both hung up and I immediately emptied my whisky glass in one gulp.

"Fuck!" I shouted and hated being stuck in this hotel room alone while the people that really need me are so far away. I got up from the bed and walked to the kitchen. Ready to refill my glass and try to drown my sorrows.

------------------------------------------------------

1st April 1982

Canada

Roger's POV

I sat in a chair at the edge of the set waiting. Just like the others. I hate making videos! I tried to think of other things while they checked the lighting. This year had been interesting so far. Clare had been pregnant and now she wasn't. She had done well considering and decided to go ahead and quit her job and work for us. She admitted she found her current work boring and missed being around our world and the kids. She was going to go on part of our tour with us to have some fun and then get settled in on the estate. She was going to live in the servants cottage for now but we considered renovating the larger guest house for her. Jimi's 5th birthday party was a great pick me up from the dismal winter events this year.

We finished our album and planned our tour and I had managed to keep Brian from quitting the band or falling into despair while we did this. I was never so happy to finish a record in my life. He was seated in his own chair and looked utterly put out by today's filming. This song was not our first choice as a single but we have given in to Freddie's insistence it was a great sound for right now and would do well. We were not on board with the heavy sexual content of this video. But it was too late to do anything about it. I knew we would both find consolation in getting out on the road and doing what we do best. Play.

"It's going to be about 20 minutes..." the assistant announced. I rolled my eyes and walked to the dressing room they had assigned me. I went straight for my cigarettes and began to light one when there was a knock. I knew who it was.

"Yeah..." I mumbled and the door opened and Brian came inside and shut the door. We both shared a look of complete dismay as he walked over and slumped down on the sofa in my small room. He had put a robe on over his black clothes for the music video and he glared at me. I knew what he was going to say. "I know what you are going to say...and you're right!" I told him to stave off the coming lecture about the situation we are in today.

"You told me Rog!" he started in anyway as I gave him a disparaging look. "You told me the worst was over!" he barked at me. I was annoyed that he had somehow made this my fault. The ideas for this video weren't mine and we had basically been coerced into it. It was Freddie's song and he got the primary say on the video.

"I think you should save your ire for Freddie..." I snapped back and took a drag from my cigarette. "I told you the worst was over in regards to recording the album Brian...I never said anything about the promos..." I reminded him. "Freddie wrote the song and he gets the main input on the video...what do you want me to do?" I asked him pointedly. He just glared at me. Angry as ever. "Well?" I questioned again. He shot up from the sofa and began pacing the floor.

"Nothing!" he finally shouted in frustration and went to lean against the wall. I took another drag and wondered if this might be the prime opportunity to have Brian start smoking. He looked like he needed a cigarette. We shared a glance and I could tell this was getting to him.

"If you want to know the truth...I think the one who came up with this idea wasn't Freddie..." I commented. Brian looked curious about my opinion. "I think it was Paul's idea..." Brian's eyebrows went up and he seemed to consider my thoughts on the matter. "Remember when I told you about that night at the at club?" I said. Brian nodded as he pondered my idea. "This shoot reminds me of that place..."

"He seems to have ingratiated himself into Freddie's world quite a bit these days..." Brian remarked as we both looked at each other. I could tell he was beginning to agree with my opinion. "I don't know what we can do about this....we've already begun filming..." he told me. There was nothing we could do. Deacy had agreed to the concept and we finally acquiesced after Freddie wore us down. I stubbed out my cigarette and took a drink of a warm coke on my dressing table.

"At least we're hardly in it..." I told him as some kind of consolation. He huffed in response and I walked over to him. Wanting to make this better somehow. "I'm not happy either Bri..remember that!" I said to him. I got closer and he grabbed me by my jacket and pulled me close. I put my arms on his waist and he placed his on my shoulders. Our foreheads met and we stood and tried to find a way to have some solace. Any.

"I'm sorry I was shitty to you..." he finally said. I smiled and pressed a kiss against his mouth.

"I know..." I told him. "Let's just get this over with and then we can go to the hotel and have a nice bath..." I suggested. Brian nodded and found me a small smile.

"After that can we do other things to unwind?" he asked me with a cheeky grin. I was certainly up for anything that would take away some of this stress. I ran my hand up his chest.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked him in an attempt at a sultry voice. There was a knock on my door and I let go of Brian and walked to answer it. I pulled it open just a little so they couldn't see my guest. It was the production assistant. He looked as stressed as we both felt.

"Hey..." I said to him.

"There's a problem with the sound and they had to get some new equipment so it's going to be at least be 45 minutes..." he informed me. I nodded understanding and gave him a smile since he looked so tense.

"Okay...I'm just going to lay down for a while...bit of a headache..." I lied and he nodded to me.

"Alright...I'll knock when we are ready..." he responded. He walked away and I closed my door and locked it. I turned back to my husband and smiled at him.

"Turns out we're not needed for at least 45 minutes..." I informed him as I began pulling off my jacket. Brian was watching me and started taking off his robe.

"That's too bad..." Brian answered forming a devilish grin. We both watched each other remove our shirts and Brian reached for me as I got closer and grabbed the waist of my trousers and began undoing my belt.

"So...what can we do while we wait?" I asked him. Brian pulled me in for a slow sensual kiss. We parted and he unzipped my trousers and reached in my briefs for my cock.

"I'm sure we can think of something to pass the time..."

Chapter Text

27th July 1982

New York City

Roger's POV

"Where is he?" I asked Deacy as we all waited in the limousine for Freddie.

"I'm not his keeper...that would be Paul's job these days..." he said back with annoyance. His eyes seemed darker. "I am sure we can assume Bill has something to do with it..." he remarked snidely. The three of us shared a look of disdain at the mention of Freddie's boyfriend's name. Bill Reid. Freddie had met him earlier in the year during a trip to New York. In a club. Bill had visited numerous times in Munich and London before our tour began. Since we went on the road he had been a permanent fixture. He had also become a growing concern to us all.

The main issue was the arguments. They seemed pretty regular and had grown in intensity. Heated exchanges that includes shouting and abusive language. And there was the incident at Milton Keynes that raised the alarm for us all. Freddie and Bill had a massive fight before the concert. It had turned physical and at some point Bill had got hold of Freddie's hand and bit down on it. Hard enough to draw real blood. Phoebe had been quite upset and tried to get Freddie to go have it examined. The medic at the show looked at it and got it cleaned up. Seeing the state of his hand was disturbing and he performed with no problems but it left us all feeling dubious about the relationship.

"If he's not here in a few minutes...I'm going in..." I announced. They both seemed to concur with my idea and we waited. I got tired of it quickly and shifted over to get out of the car. I walked into the lobby of his New York apartment building and saw Paul waiting at the concierge desk with Phoebe. Both of them looking anxious. "Where's Freddie?" I asked them. Phoebe looked troubled and I felt bad for him having to be in the middle of Freddie's romantic problems.

"He's coming..." he tried to assure me. He gestured to the lifts. "He was having a word with Bill before he left..." he explained. I took this as code for them having yet another row and began marching to the elevators to go up and get our lead singer. I was reaching for the button when one of the lifts opened and Freddie came bounding out. He looked frazzled and I shouted at him as he rushed to the exit.

"Hey!" I shouted and Freddie stopped and turned back towards me. His expression had shifted to one of remorse.

"I know I am late...sorry..." he told me. I put my arm around him and began walking us towards the exit. I felt I needed to say something.

"I think we need to talk about your love life..." I told him gently as we reached Phoebe and he began walking with us. I saw Paul lingering at the door. Looking anxious. "I'll find you later for a chat..." I said and he nodded as we were hustled out to the limo and took off for our public engagement.

-----------------------------

The name of the place was apt. Crazy Eddies was just that. We arrived to find a large line of people waiting for our arrival. Our security got out of their car and positioned themselves on either side of the front entrance before we stepped out of the limo to chants and cheering from the eager fans. The store manager shepherded us to a long table in a corner that was adorned with promotional posters and banners for Hot Space. Our representative from Elektra records was there and gave everyone a copy of our press kit. There was a contingent of reporters and photographers and we were seated and questions about the new album and our tour commenced. It was more of the same we had experienced since the start of the tour and I worked hard to not be completely put out by the queries about lagging record sales and the mixed fan and critical reception of the album. Nobody wanted to find anything positive to say or ask about it.

"Roger....what are your feelings about this new sound for Queen?" a reporter asked me. I tried to answer honestly but keep it lightweight.

"I mean...I don't like everything we do....I like a lot of what we do...but you have to remember there are four people in the band so there is compromise...so you might get your way with certain songs and then there are songs that come out that you don't really like very much..." I commented. I tried to laugh a bit as I finished my comment. "I mean...I could name a couple..." I began lightheartedly. Freddie cut me off to add his opinion to the question and I leaned back and let him take the heat. I could sense Brian's weariness in defending the album as well and we were both relieved when the press conference ended and photos were quickly taken before the store manager began letting in the fans.

This part was much easier. It was pleasing to see a lot of people had bought the new record for us to sign. We were each handed fat black pens to autograph albums and promo cards for the customers. The line was extensive and I slipped off my jacket as the place was warm with all the bodies inside. It was a balmy summer day and everyone had dressed casual except Brian. He had donned a dress shirt and tie with his jeans but he looked handsome and smart as we smiled and chatted with our American fans and signed our names. My hand got a bit tired as we worked our way through the crowd. I was heartened to see the large turnout but wanted to pace my hand usage since I had to hold on to my sticks tonight for two hours. Luckily we would have several hours before the show to rest. A young woman with long brown hair approached Brian and handed him a copy of A Night At The Opera. He smiled and signed a corner and he slid it my way.

"I'm a big fan!" she announced as I took the record and scrawled my signature opposite of Brian's. She seemed eager as she shuffled over to see me. "I noticed you didn't come here with any girlfriend..." she commented as I slid her album over to Deacy. I realized she was hitting on me and was curious how she knew I hadn't brought a woman with me on tour.

"Uh..." I replied and tried to think fast. "My girlfriend isn't here today..." I said and saw Brian looking at us as we spoke.

"Just my luck then..." she said back to me and leaned over and kissed me before I knew what she was doing. I tried to play it off and laughed lightly as I pulled back from her. She winked at me before she moved over to have Deacy sign her record. He quickly scribbled his name and shoved it Freddie's way before he leaned way back to avoid any potential physical contact with the woman. I turned and gave Brian a bewildered look and he laughed as he took the next item to sign. We were nearing the end of the line when a blond woman approached us and didn't have an album or placard for us and Brian looked confused as she smiled at him and then turned around and stuck her bottom out towards him. She turned her head and looked at him.

"Sign my shorts!" she demanded. Brian was a bit amused and embarrassed as he stood up and leaned over the table to give her what she requested. He hesitated as he tried to figure out how to sign without groping her. A man standing behind her was apparently with her. He laughed and came over and leaned against the table and positioned her so that Brian could sign her ass. One of the press photographers considered it an interesting moment and signaled to Brian as he took a few shots of him autographing her behind. He managed to get his signature done and turned to gesture at me as her boyfriend moved her down to my part of the table. I chuckled and didn't hesitate to brand her ass with my name.

We all finished signing and the woman showed off her autographed bum to some other people as we all shared raised eyebrows at her unusual request. Deacy leaned into me as we got busy signing the remaining autographs. "I guess we're signing asses instead of just kissing it nowadays?" he remarked. We both snickered as another girl came through and after getting our signatures she grabbed Freddie and got him in a heated lip lock. Security came over and helped her along her way and Terry stood guard at the table for the remainder of the signing. Some young kids brought up the end of the line.

They were probably ten years old but were cute as they told us we had funny accents and had us sign one of the few remaining promo placards for them. Brian found them endearing and asked Paul to scrounge up some small t-shirts. He managed to locate some in a box and I enjoyed their wide eyed faces as they were gifted Hot Space shirts as they finished up with Freddie. The signing ended and we stuck around briefly to sign some things for the store employees and pose for some personal pictures. Paul soon had us heading to the limo and we were surprised to find a large mob of people still loitering outside the store as we left. It was uplifting to see the response from the East Coast fans. The limo took off for our hotel and we all enjoyed something to drink as we drove back to rest before our show at Madison Square Garden.

As the limo pulled up I grabbed Brian's arm and leaned closer to him. "I'm going to ride with Freddie to his place and then I'll be back..." I informed him. He knew why I was doing this and simply nodded as he slid out of the limo along with Deacy. The door closed and we took off for 58th Street.

"I suppose we are going to have that chat you insisted upon..." Freddie remarked with a mixed of annoyance and amusement as he lit a cigarette and avoided looking at me. I lit one myself.

"I'm not going to lecture you Freddie...I just want to know what the appeal is..." I asked him as he finally turned to eye me and we both took a drag from our cigarettes. He seemed to consider his words before answering.

"He makes me laugh..." Freddie finally blurted out. I actually wanted to laugh hearing this. I could rarely recall seeing him sharing real laughs with this man. Maybe Bill was funnier in private. I highly doubted it.

"Laugh or cry?" I responded as a gut reaction. Freddie's face soured as he heard this.

"I've never cried Roger...really!" he argued back with annoyance. I wasn't sure how far to take this. I saw this guy as trouble and something told me the fighting would only get worse.

"Not yet..." I said with concern. "He's already drawn blood from you Freddie...what's next?" I questioned. "I have to be honest with you...I have a bad feeling about this guy..." I confessed. Our eyes connected and I could see that Freddie was hearing my concern. I hope he would take it to heart. Do something about it. He turned and took a drag from his cigarette and then looked out the car window again.

"I'm lonely Roger..." he announced quietly and didn't turn to look at me when he said it. "And Bill said he would go on tour with me..." he added. I knew the last guy Freddie had really been keen on had declined his offer of the jet set life of touring and it had left him pretty down. I was starting to see that Freddie had settled in this relationship. Bill was someone willing to tag along and keep him company. The problem is it came with a price.

"Wouldn't you rather be alone than with someone that treats you like shit?" I questioned bluntly and put out my cigarette. He turned and looked at me with anger at my choice of words. I wasn't sure if he was mad because I was out of line or mad because I might be right. I reached over and put my hand on his shoulder. "Look Freddie! I love you and so do Brian and Deaks...and we're worried about you being with this creep..." I told him. "We just want you to be happy and we want you to be with someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated..."

"You're so lucky Rog...and you probably don't even know it..." Freddie responded as his face lost its anger and he seemed a bit sad as he spoke. "You've got Brian and despite you two occasionally having the odd row...you love each other and really take care of each other..." he pointed out. "You've got something special and permanent..." he explained. "And Deacy has the same with Ronnie..." Freddie sighed as he ran his fingers over his chin and caressed his mustache. Looking weary. "I can't seem to find that special someone..." he revealed. "I find it incredibly karmic that I wrote that bloody song and yet it's become my life story..." Freddie complained. "I need somebody to love Rog...and I can't seem to find him..." he said and almost laughed at the irony of his lyrics. I truly felt for him and wished I could do something to fix the problem. I'm no matchmaker and don't even know enough men who could remotely be a candidate as his partner. His eyes actually misted up and I felt like I might cry to see my friend so vulnerable and hurting. "You're all husbands!" he blurted out. "I want to be someone's husband!" he complained and smashed his cigarette in the small ashtray on the door handle. I reached over and put my arm around him and pulled him close. He was stiff at first and then gave in to my offer of comfort. He clung to me and we both were silent as we rode to his flat. "I know I need to dump him...he's bad news..." Freddie whispered to me. "I promise I'll take care of this..." he assured me. I held on to my friend. Hoping he was telling me the truth as well as himself.

===Brian's POV===

"Push me higher!" Tigs demanded as I pushed her and Jimi on some swings in Central Park. Our security guard, Wally, stood nearby and kept an eye out as we enjoyed the children's playground. It was the perfect afternoon to enjoy the park and I felt like a good parent spending some time with them before our concert. Roger had planned to come but after the incident with Freddie we both knew it was time to say something. I told the kids that Papa had to help Uncle Freddie with something and we would go to the park without him. I leaned over and pushed at Tiger Lily's back to get her going a bit higher. Despite the trees the sun was pretty bright and I wished I had brought some sunglasses. I leaned over to the other side and pushed Jimi again to help him keep his momentum.

"Hang on tight to the chain..." I told him as I shoved him forward. He made a sound of delight as he went further up and I smiled watching them enjoy the simple pleasure of the swings.

"That vendor told me there is a news stand down that way where you can get some sunglasses..." Clare told me as she walked up to me. I was glad to hear it.

"Okay..." I responded. Mia came over to us.

"I got them if you want to walk down there..." she told us. I smiled at her. Grateful for her ever constant help.

"Thanks...we'll be right back..." I replied. "Do you want anything?" I asked her.

"One of those pretzels and a coke would be grand!" she answered. Clare and I took off down the path together and I held my hand up to shield my eyes until we were under some tree cover. I brought it down as we saw a young man on the pavement selling t-shirts. He had all sorts of touristy designs. I instantly noticed one of John Lennon wearing a New York t-shirt. I smiled when I saw it and walked over to look at it. The young guy selling the stuff looked at me eagerly.

"I just got those in...they're only 5 bucks!" he declared in a marvelous thick New York accent. I picked up the shirt and the quality was good. I checked the size and found it was the right one.

"You want anything?" I asked Clare as she was looking. She saw a Central Park t shirt with a sun on it and grinned.

"I like this one..." she remarked. She found her size and we also found some shirts we liked for Mia and the kids. I also grabbed a second one of the Lennon shirt for Roger and handed them to the ecstatic vendor.

"Wow!" he said with delight and totaled the sale. I pulled out my wallet and found a fifty dollar bill. He immediately looked concerned about the bill size. "Ah man! I can't make change for that!" he declared. I smiled at him as I held it out.

"Just keep the change..." I replied. His face lit up and he gasped. He pulled out a large plastic bag and placed the t shirts inside it. He handed it over and then got a funny look on his face as he eyed me.

"Thanks man!" he told me. "Hey...you're British! Hey...you wouldn't happen to be that guy from that band Queen would you?" he questioned with a curious expression on his face. I grinned at him and nodded.

"I am him..." I confirmed. He started laughing and slapped his leg in disbelief.

"Fuck man!" he shouted as he grinned widely at us both. "I've got tickets to your show at the Garden!" he informed me and stuck his hand out to me. I shook his hand. "I'm Ricky...Your name is Brian...right?" he asked me.

"Yes...Brian May.." I confirmed. He looked at Clare and smiled at her.

"You his wife or something?" he asked her. Clare laughed and smiled at him as they shook hands.

"I'm Clare..." she responded. "I'm his girlfriend..." she clarified and I grinned at her ease at perpetuating our charade.

"You two enjoying the city while you're here?" he asked us.

"We are..." I answered. "We love New York...always have a great time while we are here..." Ricky smiled at me and then pointed at the Lennon shirt.

"You know that Lennon lived just two blocks up at that way?" he asked me. He turned and pointed up the path. "If you go up to 72nd street...it's right off the park...The Dakota Building..." he advised. I knew he had lived somewhere around here and didn't realize we were that close.

"Thanks...I didn't know we were that close by..." I replied. I took Clare's hand and we walked off. "Have a good day and see you tonight!" I told Ricky. He smiled and waved to us.

"I'll be there!" he said back. Clare and I both laughed as we kept walking. We soon saw the place the man in the park mentioned. It was a large news stand as well and sat on the pavement off Central Park West. A display of sunglasses hung off the hut and I looked them over until I found a pair I thought would suit me.

"What do you think?" I asked her. Clare gave me a thumbs up when I tried them on so I decided to get them. She looked over the newspapers and magazines as I took a quick look myself. We both grabbed a few things to read and turned back to head down the path to the playground. We waved to Ricky as we passed and then I remembered at the last minute to stop at a food trolley and got Mia her pretzel and coke.

We were soon back at the hotel and I laid my new reading material on my nightstand before hopping in the shower to get ready for tonight. I got out and found Roger coming into the bathroom. He sighed as he walked to the toilet and began using it.

"Well...I talked to him and he said he would dump him..." he informed me. It was a relief to hear this and I smiled at Roger as he began stripping of his clothes to shower for tonight.

"That's a relief..." I said and he smiled as he turned on the shower and leaned in for a quick kiss.

"Let's just hope he actually does it..." Roger informed me as we shared a look of guarded hope as he slipped into the shower and closed the glass door.

25th September 1982

New York City

===Roger's POV===

It was like I had never spoke to him about Bill Reid. The tour continued and Freddie and Bill were still together. And still having rows. The only difference now was that Freddie was trying to keep them hidden. They no longer fought within earshot of others. Or so they thought. Paul casually mentioned a recent argument one day as we all hovered over our lunch and waited on Freddie to arrive so we could do our sound check. Phoebe dropped a hint another day after Freddie had been in a bad mood and yelled at some local crew people over the color of the furniture in our dressing room. Granted it was atrocious but he acted like they personally picked it out to offend him. We finally got him to back off and our physio guy gave him a massage to get him to relax. His mood was being affected by the stress of his relationship. I wondered what would come next. We had some time off after our shows finished in Los Angeles. Brian and Deacy and I remained in L.A. to enjoy our homes while Freddie flew back to New York to use his apartment. All of us flew to New York to see our families fly back of to London since the school term was starting in 10 days. We also were appearing on Saturday Night Live as the musical guest. We decided on the songs to perform at the final run through yesterday and felt like our debut on American television was a great way to end the North American tour.

Brian and I woke that morning and enjoyed a room service breakfast in our suite. I was finishing up my food when the phone rang.

"Hello..."

"Roger...it's Paul...I'm calling because we have a problem and I need you both downstairs in 30 minutes..." Before I could ask what was going on he hung up on me. I knew from his tone it was serious. I felt a touch of panic and hung the phone up and looked at Brian.

"That was Paul!" I told him with concern. "He said there's a problem and we have to be downstairs in 30 minutes..." I explained. Brian instantly looked worried and stood up as he wiped his mouth.

"He didn't say what was wrong?" he asked as he walked briskly to the closet and pulled out some clothes to wear. I got up and walked to my suitcase and grabbed some socks and underwear.

"No!" I replied and we both scrambled to get dressed.

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Paul and Deacy were waiting in the lobby along with one of our security guards. We walked out to a waiting limo and pulled out.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked Paul as we took off. The guard was in the front with the driver and Paul had the privacy visor put in place before he would speak. He leaned forward and placed his hands on his legs and looked dour.

"We're going to Freddie's..." he announced. "There was an incident last night and he needs our help..." he informed us. I instantly considered what incident might have taken place. None of them good. My heart hurt.

"What happened Paul?" I demanded as Deacy and Brian and I exchanged grave looks between us.

"The good news is Freddie and Bill are over...." he responded. I felt a whoosh of relief go through me until I considered he was setting up a good news/bad news dynamic. No smile registered on my face.

"What's the bad news?" Deacy asked before I could. Paul sighed heavily and my stomach dropped.

"There's a problem with his voice..."

-----------------------------------

"I need my microphone adjusted...turn up the volume..." I told the tech. Crystal glared at the man and lifted his hand up; gesturing to keep going on the volume. "Testing...testing..." I said to check how loud it was. Brian nodded to me and it seemed like it was what we wanted. "That's good!" I declared. I needed my backing vocals louder than usual to help cover Freddie's deficiencies tonight. We finished with the adjustments on our equipment and Brian, Deacy, Fred Mandel and I walked to the dressing room backstage at the television studio. We walked in to find Freddie doing another throat treatment. This one was steam.

"We've got the volume adjusted...so I think we're set..." I told him in a positive tone. Wanting to make him feel better about tonight's performance. Freddie nodded understanding as he continued his treatment. Sitting on the couch and leaning over the steam as he breathed in. Deacy walked over and sat down on the couch next to him as Brian grabbed a beer. I smiled as Deacy leaned over and gave Freddie a side hug. Freddie's expression softened as he received comfort.

"How are you sounding?" Deacy asked him quietly. Freddie cleared his throat and glanced over at me for a minute. I gave him a warm expression.

"Better...but not great..." he murmured to us. Phoebe came into the dressing room carrying a large cup and walked over and handed it to Freddie.

"This should do the trick!" he told Freddie with confidence and a warm smile. Freddie smiled back at his faithful servant.

"Thank you dear!" he told him as he cleared his voice again and some of the scratchiness returned despite the steam treatment he just had. He grimaced hearing himself and began to slowly sip the concoction Phoebe brought him.

"It will be okay Fred..." Brian assured him. "We've adjusted our mics and we're going to do great!" he declared as Freddie found him a smile. It was forced and he instantly lost it and looked sad and disappointed. He cleared his throat again.

"You will be great and I will be mediocre at best..." he announced. "And it's my own fault..." he added as he looked up at me. The guilt and shame evident in his face. I felt terrible for my friend. I was angry at him for continuing to see Bill after our talk. If he had ended things then he wouldn't be sitting here now with a strained voice from a all night shouting match with Bill. They had fought yet again and probably over something Freddie couldn't even recall at this point. It didn't matter. The damage was done. Freddie would make his American television debut with a hoarse singing voice. His worst nightmare. It was too late to cancel. And he was too embarrassed to explain why anyway. The show head, Lorne Michaels, was aware of our situation and our assurances our performance wouldn't be canceled. Freddie had used his regular phrase with us after we talked about our options. In a scratchy strained timber he announced 'the show must go on.!'

We all got around and began to dress for the show. We remained quiet but resolved as we kept an eye on our friend and tried give him positive vibes. The show began and we were soon heading down the corridor to the stage.

"It's late night tv...you know half the people are drunk and the other half are sleepy..." I said to give Freddie a sense of his audience. He grinned at my attempt to lighten the tense moment.

"We're still better than half the crap they probably get to see on here anyway..." Deacy chimed in as we saw Eddie Murphy walking by. He smiled at us as and we smiled back.

"Good luck fellas!" he said and I saluted him as he kept going towards the stage. The music producer was soon approaching as Freddie took a final sip of his throat tonic and we all tried to shake off our anxiety. I turned and shared a knowing look with Brian and Deacy. We had to help carry Freddie tonight. Up our usual game. We all nodded a silent understanding as I patted Freddie on the shoulder and then put my arm around them as we walked to the waiting stage.

--Two hours later--

We survived somehow and Phoebe and Paul both said we were solid despite Freddie's challenges. Deacy had never been so animated as we performed on live tv. His dancing was elevated to a new level and Brian managed to bop around the stage twice as much as usual. We were soon back in the limo and having a drink after standing on the stage for the show's end with the cast. Waving and smiling and feeling a bit amped up from our efforts. It was time to put this behind us and look forward to the remainder of our tour in Japan. But at this moment, I knew Freddie was still hurting from his fresh break up with Bill. Even though the man was a giant prick, Freddie had viewed it as someone who was around. Someone who gave him affection and attention and kept his bed occupied. I was spoiled and had probably taken for granted that my own bed was happily full at night. With Brian and sometimes with one or two little ones who wanted comfort and care at night. Like Freddie did. I watched him as we all raised our glasses in the back of the limo and ignored our feelings of not having given our best performance tonight.

"I think I'm going to take a suite at the hotel..." Freddie announced as we rode in light traffic. "I need a different atmosphere tonight..." he remarked. I smiled at him. It was a good idea. I imagined his flat might be a bit of a mess and maybe Bill had not entirely vacated the premises yet.

"Sounds like a good idea..." I told him. Deacy and Brian both gave him encouraging looks. We arrived at Essex House and Freddie acquired a room as we retired for the night. We were all flying back to London tomorrow to enjoy some time at home before we went to Japan. Brian and I got undressed and went to bed. It was already 1:30 and we were tired from the stress of the day. As Brian got settled in bed I shifted over and laid my head on his chest. Grateful for us being together and for things being good between us. He stroked my hair and then wrapped his arm around me. I felt safe and loved and hoped Freddie would find this same thing someday.

===Freddie's POV===

I had run out of cigarettes and didn't want to go downstairs. It was late and I didn't want to trouble Phoebe or Paul for them. I had certainly put them through enough these past few days. I tightened the belt on my robe and walked over to the bar. Maybe another drink would help me settle down for the night. I thought about calling some friends to chat. It was already morning in London and Mary would be up. As I stared at the phone and poured a drink there was a quiet knock on my door.

'Maybe Phoebe read my mind...' I said out loud as I walked to my door. I checked the through the peep hole to make sure it wasn't an errant fan or worse yet, Bill. I smiled instantly when I saw who it was. I opened the door and leaned against the frame.

"You couldn't sleep either?" I asked him. He grinned at me and shook his head.

"I was worried about you to be honest...I wanted to make sure you were okay..." I was touched by his concern and widened the door for him. Gesturing for him to come inside. He stepped inside and I closed the door.

"I am doing okay...except for the fact I am out of cigarettes and can't seem to wind down to get some sleep..." I said honestly. He gestured at the door.

'You want me to go down and get you some smokes?" he asked me. I shook my head.

"I think I can survive one night without them..." I replied. "They probably aren't helping my voice right now anyway..." I pointed out. I walked back to the mini bar. "Fancy a night cap?" I asked. He nodded.

"Sure...whatever you're having..." he replied. I poured another vodka and tossed a few cubes in before handing him the glass tumbler. We both stood and took a long drink as we looked at each other. I could really see the auburn in his hair and how much it was starting to curl in front. When we finished I was delighted to find myself yawning. He giggled and smiled at me.

"Looks like you're headed in the right direction.." he remarked and walked over to the bed. He sat down and patted it. "How about you try and get some sleep and I'll stay here until you're out?" he suggested. His desire to help me get some rest and feel better touched me deeply. I sat down my glass and walked to the bed. I pulled off my silk robe and laid it on the nearby chair as he pulled back the covers and I slid under them. He turned to look at me and then reached over and pulled the blanket up my chest. Tucking me in. It felt nice. It was also a reminder of how things should have been with Bill and were not.

"I wish Bill had been as nice as you are to me..." I said with regret. "He had his moments but his temper certainly over-rode any real affection he showed me..."

"You deserve someone who will treat you as well as you treat them..." he reminded me. He was right. I do treat my boyfriends well and spoil them. I hoped someday I would find the same in a lover. A companion. Someone more like the man sitting here smiling tenderly at me. Caring about my feelings and my well being. A piece of my heart still regretted that things didn't work out between us. I felt that pang again right now as I looked at him. But he belonged to someone else. He belonged to Veronica.

"I need to find someone who is more like you..." I answered. "But the world only graced us with one John Richard Deacon..." I said to compliment him. He smiled demurely and shifted over on the bed. Closer to me.

"Like there is only one of you Freddie Mercury..." he cooed back at me. I smiled at his words and felt special again. Bill had brought me down but sitting here in the lamp light and sharing a tender moment with this man made me feel good again. I reached up and stroked his hand and smiled warmly at him.

"You always know what to say to restore my faith in myself..." I told him. He laced his fingers with mine and we shared a tender look between us.

"You were the first person to give me real confidence...I'm just returning the favor..." he replied. We sat in silence and just admired each other. Sharing warmth and reverence. I didn't ask for it and he didn't say a word as he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. They still were the soft, sweet lips I remembered so well. When our mouths parted he hovered over me wearing his beautiful smile. I shifted over under the covers to the center of the bed as he stood up and began to unbutton his shirt and jeans. He was soon sliding in next to me and he wrapped his arms around me. His scent and his presence calmed me and I gave him a look of appreciation and love as he kissed me again and then pressed me close to his chest. I closed my eyes and felt like my old self again.

Chapter Text

26th September 1982

New York to London

Brian's POV

Everyone was tired. Everyone was ready for a break. We were headed home but still had the Japan leg of the tour to finish. The plane was unusually quiet for a bunch of people excited to go home. Yesterday had been so tense with Freddie's romantic problems. At least he dumped Bill. That man was nothing but trouble. Good riddance! I glanced over and saw Freddie picking at his food. I knew he was sad about the breakup. I did feel bad for him. I hoped spending some time back home would do him some good. I know a lot of his bad memories were in the U.S. at the moment.

"Would you like some more to drink?" the stewardess asked. I smiled and nodded.

"Yes...thanks!" I replied. She took my empty wine glass and headed to her station as I decided I was done eating and wiped my mouth one last time and covered my plate with my napkin. Roger had already finished his meal and was getting his Walkman from his bag. He placed the headphones around his neck and fished out a cassette and stuck it in his player. "What are you listening to?" I asked him as he went to put the headphones on.

"Springsteen...'The River'...he's got a new one coming out in a few weeks..." Roger replied. I smiled as he got his headphones situated. "I'm gonna listen and have a nap...." Roger announced. I nodded understanding and he pressed play and smiled at me as he closed his eyes.

I received a new glass of wine and thanked the stewardess as she took my food tray. Roger tilted his chair back on the plane and pulled his blanket up over his chest. I wanted to give him some peace and quiet so I got up from my seat and grabbed my bag and drink. There was an empty seat near the table Freddie was at and he had finished eating. Deacy had moved over to sit there along with Ratty and Paul. Freddie seemed a bit more cheerful as the Scrabble board game was opened and set up on the table. They had their four players so I thought I was observe and maybe do some reading in between.

"Want to join us?" Freddie asked me. I looked up and saw Deacy shooting him a dirty look. I grinned at the evident display of our bass player not wanting me in the competition. I do win a lot and I know it irked Deacy at times. I smiled with amusement.

"You go ahead...I'll spare you my wrath this one time..." I said with aplomb. Freddie got my meaning and grinned back as he began counting out his tiles. I opened my bag and found an array of different things to read. I had accumulated quite a bit of magazines and one or two newspapers and needed to clear some of the clutter out of my travel case. I went through it and tossed some items that seemed of little interest. I happened upon a copy of the New York Times I never got to and decided to read through it and then throw it away. After going over the headlines I opened up the first section and scanned the articles. There was nothing grabbing me and I flipped the page and considered just skipping to the Arts section when a certain word caught my attention. A word I didn't often see in print.

'New Homosexual Disorder Worries Health Officials'

This headline had me intrigued and concerned at the same time so I quickly read the article. I felt my stomach churn with the term 'disorder' being used in conjunction with 'homosexual.'
------------------------

A serious disorder of the immune system that has been known to doctors for less than a year - a disorder that appears to affect primarily male homosexuals - has now afflicted at least 335 people, of whom it has killed 136, officials of the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta said yesterday. Federal health officials are concerned that tens of thousands more homosexual men may be silently affected and therefore vulnerable to potentially grave ailments.

Moreover, this immune-system breakdown, which has been implicated in a rare type of cancer, called Kaposi's sarcoma, and seems to invite in its wake a wide variety of serious infections and other disorders, has developed among some heterosexual women and bisexual and heterosexual men.

At a recent Congressional hearing, Dr. Bruce A. Chabner of the National Cancer Institute said that the growing problem was now ''of concern to all Americans.''

The cause of the disorder is unknown. Researchers call it A.I.D., for acquired immunodeficiency disease, or GRID, for gay-related immunodeficiency. It has been reported in 20 states and seven countries. But the overwhelming majority of cases have been in New York City (158), elsewhere in New York State (10), New Jersey (14) and California (71).
---------------------------

I couldn't believe what I was reading. I had to read over it again to really absorb it. The last paragraph caught my eye. It had been reported in 20 states and seven countries. Was England one of them? Why was this happening to homosexuals? It also mentioned it happening to bisexual men. And though it mentioned female heterosexuals, the article emphasized this being predominantly a problem with gay men. I glanced up at Freddie as he smiled and sipped his drink. Had he heard of this? I knew Roger had not as he would have mentioned it to me. Worry filled my head but I knew getting upset about this was premature. There wasn't a great deal of information in the article. The total number of cases weren't dramatically high. I carefully tore it from the newspaper and tucked it inside my writing notebook. I then proceeded to go through every other piece of news I had in my possession to see if it was mentioned anywhere else. I found nothing. I sighed and wondered how I could find out more.

"That's 27 points!" Deacy declared as he counted his tiles laid on the board. He was grinning with satisfaction as Freddie recorded his score.

"What's the word?" I asked. Curious how he got so many points. Deacy looked over at me still wearing that smug grin.

"Ominous..." Hearing this was his word was not comforting as I signaled for the stewardess. I think a need a stiff drink.

A few more games of Scrabble took place and I eventually got dealt in when Ratty bowed out to take a nap. Roger woke up and was soon lingering at my side to check my progress in the game. Paul opted out on the next round and Roger took his place. We got our new set of tiles and began playing as talk of plans for the coming year became the topic of discussion.

"I've got some things I want to do at home..." Deacy remarked as he waited for Freddie to take his turn. "Ronnie and I want to take a trip somewhere alone...it's been a while since we had some time to ourselves..." Freddie laid down his tiles and spelled out the word - TOKEN.

"That's 9 points..." Freddie announced as he finished counting his score. "I want to propose that we all take some real time off this coming year..." he suggested as he wrote down his points.

"What kind of time?" I asked him. He looked up at me with a serious expression.

"I was thinking at least 6 months..." he answered. I was surprised to hear this. I wondered what Freddie would do in all that time. He always seemed to get antsy after a few weeks.

"Won't you get restless?" I questioned. He then glanced over at Roger and I noticed them sharing a look between them. I wondered if they had already discussed this.

"To be completely honest...I think I want to play around with the idea of doing some solo material...." he confessed. "I've already booked a studio and want to try some things out..." Deacy and I both looked surprised but Roger didn't. I was pretty certain Freddie had confided his intentions to my husband already.

"I think I'm going to do another solo project as well..." Roger then announced. While this was news to me I wasn't really surprised. After all of the strife with our last Queen album I knew Roger was biting at the bit to record more of his own material. He had mentioned doing more after his first album was released. It stung a bit for him to inform me now. In front of the others without letting me know first. I tried to hide my hurt and just nodded understanding at them both.

"What are you going to do?" Deacy asked me with interest. I shrugged. I knew I wanted some real time with the kids. I had hoped it would include Roger but he had his plans made. He had returned his focus to his letter tiles instead of looking at me. I hoped it was a touch of guilt.

"I guess I'll figure that out when the time comes..." I replied stiffly. Deacy looked over at Roger and seemed to understand that I was in the dark about his new solo plans. Roger suddenly reached over and laid down his tiles. Spelling the word - CYST.

"That's 18 with the double word score..." Roger told Freddie. As his score was recorded I decided to let go of my annoyance and focus on the game. We could discuss this at home. I looked over my own tiles since it was now my turn. I looked at the board for some existing letters and found something I could play. It felt suitable for this moment and I was thrilled to find the bonus points with the spaces I used.

"Cross - that's 14 with the double word score..." I announced. Deacy grinned at me.

"Cross eh?" he repeated back sounding like he was asking me a question. I grinned back.

"Yes...cross..." I said back to confirm my mood and avoided looking at Roger.

-----------------------------------

We arrived in London and were soon in a hired car heading home. I didn't want to discuss my annoyance with Roger in front of a stranger. We stuck to conversation about the events in London as we chatted with the driver about what he had missed while gone. When we got to the house the driver helped us carry our bags into the foyer. It was late morning. Tigs was at school and Mia and Jimi weren't around so as soon as the driver left Roger confronted me.

"I know you're mad at me..." he announced as we carried some cases up the stairs.

"I was put out that you decided to inform the entire band about your plans without telling me first..." I admitted. Roger sighed and went into his bedroom to leave his bag. I went to my own fake bedroom and gasped in surprise when I found one of the cleaning women changing the sheets.

"Oh sorry!" she said as she smiled at me. "Mia said you were coming back today and I was putting fresh sheets on your bed..." she informed me. I smiled at her and set down my suitcase.

"Of course...yes...thanks..." I replied. We shared a warm expression between us as I walked from the room. I was relieved we hadn't had started any argument with witnesses in the house. We were confident they probably knew about our real sleeping arrangement and relationship but actually giving them tangible evidence wasn't desirable. I heard a vacuum cleaner and realized we had arrived home when the cleaning crew was here. Roger came out of his room and we both started down the stairs. I saw another woman dusting the hallway walls and realized any conversation we had in the house would be overheard right now. I gestured at him to follow me and went to the rear entrance of the house and out into the back garden. We both still had our jackets on so we took off for a walk. I wanted to stretch my legs anyway after our long flight.

"The colors sure are nice..." Roger remarked as we strolled the grounds together. "We never got to see much of the Autumn colors in America..." I nodded agreement. We spent most of our time in cities and traveling so we did miss this. Before I could say anything he resumed our previous conversation. "Bri...it's not like you didn't know..." Roger told me. "I've mentioned to you more than once I wanted to have another go at a solo album..." he wasn't wrong. But I was still annoyed.

"I just wished you would have said it was something you had on the horizon right now..." I replied. He looked at me and seemed calm but determined. Then he stopped walking and I followed suit.

"I really want to do this....and I think us spending time apart is good for us..." he stated. "I think we both saw that when we did separate things last year..." I understood what he was saying but he had failed to state clearly what had actually happened last year.

"You mean you went and did separate things and I stayed with the kids...." I reminded him.

"But you could work on a solo project of your own...you don't just have to sit at home with them the entire time...." he suggested.

"I don't mind spending time with the kids..." I informed him. "And I don't know what I would do as a solo project..." I explained. "No offense....but most of my songs get accepted by the band so I don't have a stockpile to work from..." Roger gave me a shitty look in reaction to my comment.

"I'm sure you're brilliant enough to come up with some fresh material to work on..." he chimed back sharply. I didn't want to have a fight. I sighed and tried to remain calm.

"I'll see what happens in the next few months..." I told him in a neutral tone. He softened up hearing this and actually found a small smile for me.

"Trust me....when you work on something without the others and you get to make all the decisions...you might find you like it..." Roger commented as he resumed walking. I started walking too and decided maybe he was right. There might be something to running your own show.

---------------------------------

30th September 1982

Roger parked the car at Fairhope and I turned and smiled at the children before we got out of the car. "You ready?" I asked them both. Tiger Lily looked like her usual confident self. Jimi seemed a bit anxious. Uncertain. I could relate. It was Jimi's first day of school and I remembered feeling of mix of excitement and anxiety. Full of expectations and fearful of the unknown.

"I get a new teacher this term..." Tigs announced with a smile..." she replied. She turned to Jimi. "It's your first year so you have Miss Page..." she told her brother. I smiled at Jimi.

"Miss Page is really nice...you'll like her..." I said with a reassuring look.

"She is Jimi...she's a really good teacher..." Roger concurred as he opened his door and got out of his Mercedes. We all stepped out and made sure they had their things before we walked to the school entrance. Roger escorted Tiger Lily and I took Jimi's hand and we went inside. There was a table set up for each year and I waved to Tiger Lily as she bounced over to her area. It was hard to believe she was already in Year 4. Roger stopped and crouched down in front of Jimi and smiled at him as he straightened his jumper.

"Have fun today little man...I can't wait to hear about your first day..." Roger told him sweetly.

"Okay..." Jimi replied with a nervous grin. Roger gave Jimi a quick kiss on the top of his head as he stood up. I shared a warm smile with Roger as he followed Tiger Lily to her area. I squeezed Jimi's hand and pulled him in the direction of his year's table.

"Let's go find out where you belong..." I suggested and we went up to the Year 1 table. I instantly recognized Miss Page and also saw Miss Adams, the headmistress, talking to her. They saw us and stopped their conversation and looked at us both.

"Mr. May!" Miss Adams remarked with a broad smile. "Or should I say both Mr. Mays!" she corrected herself and we all grinned at her remark. Miss Page found a name badge for Jimi and handed it to him.

"Hello Jimi!" Miss Page said and she bent down in front of him. "I've got some lovely badges for everyone in class today so we can all learn each others names and get acquainted..." she informed him. She helped him pin his badge on his jumper and patted his head as she stood back up. "I hope you are doing well Mr. May..." she said to me in a friendly tone.

"I'm good...thanks...I want you to know that Tiger Lily has said nothing but good things about you to Jimi..." I informed her. Jimi looked a bit bashful as Miss Page and I spoke. He leaned into my leg and I knew his shyness might be a problem today. "I just want to let you know that Jimi can be a bit shy when he first meets others and today might be a bit overwhelming for him..." I explained in a quiet voice. She instantly nodded and patted my arm to reassure me.

"I'm sure we will find a way to make Jimi comfortable as he meets his new classmates..." she said with assurance and gave Jimi her attention. "There will probably be quite a few shy ones in class today..." she told him sweetly. "So don't you worry about meeting the others...we can take our time warming up to each other..." she said to him with confidence. He seemed to like what he heard and looked up at me seeming relieved. I bent down and smiled at him as I noticed his hair was a bit unruly. It was straight like Clare's but it was thick like mine and he had a wild cowlick in front. I knew better than to try and flatten it but wondered if he needed a haircut. I would ask Roger what he thought later as I gave one attempt to reign it in. I was unsuccessful.

"I think it's time for you to head to your new class...." I announced as I felt pride in seeing him finally start school. "Do you want me to walk you there or are you okay with Miss Page?" I asked him. He looked over at Miss Page and then back at me. He nodded slightly before he spoke.

"I can go with her..." he replied. It was a good sign that he was willing to be led there by her. I hugged him quickly and kissed his forehead. Feeling a bit emotional as I stood back up. He had grown up so quickly.

"Have a marvelous day and I will be here to get you when your day ends..." I said as I tried to keep my voice steady. He smiled and nodded understanding. Tears seemed they were a real threat as he slipped away from me and took Miss Page's hand.

"We will see you this afternoon..." Miss Page advised me and I waved as Jimi waved back and she began walking him down the hall to her classroom. I felt a lump in my throat as I turned to go find Roger. Needing my husband and possibly needing a hug.

---Later that night---

"I want some popcorn..." Clare requested as we headed into the cinema. I could smell the popcorn in the lobby and wanted some as well.

"Me too..." I said and we shared a smile. Roger and Mia were walking ahead of us and got in line first. After picking the kids up from school this afternoon and hearing about their first day, my parents had come over for dinner and to sit with them while we went to a movie. Roger wanted to see a film that just opened called Poltergeist. We just managed to arrive in time and lucked out with there not being a long line for concession. Roger and Mia gave their orders and I got two cokes and a large popcorn for Clare and myself. We skipped having any security with us and hoped not to run in to too many fans. To avoid any problems, we paired up with Clare and Mia to give the appearance of a double date.

"I got some Smarties..." Roger informed me as we found some seats. We sat in the middle with the girls on either side of us. I sipped my coke and tossed some popcorn in my mouth. It was still warm and tasted so good. Clare reached into our shared popcorn and had a small amount in her hand. She gestured to Roger and he opened his mouth as she leaned across me and tossed some towards his mouth. He managed to catch most of it and Mia laughed at their sibling shenanigans.

"I can't take you two anywhere..." I remarked with amusement.

"We always loved going to movies together..." Clare told me as she leaned back into her seat and then gestured to toss me some popcorn as well. I opened my mouth but her first attempt missed as it bounced off my chin. I closed my mouth and shook my head.

"Let's not waste anymore...it's too good..." The theater filled up fast and the lights dimmed. We got settled in to watch. It turned out to be pretty scary and Clare grabbed my hand at one point in the film. The plot was original and thrilling. All of us actually jumped in surprise a few times. I have to admit the little blond girl getting taken by the malevolent spirit got to me a little as she reminded me of Tiger Lily. I also felt ill seeing the piece of raw red meat erupt with maggots. When the movie ended we were all talking about the things that had grossed us out or frightened us. As we reached the lobby I immediately spied a group of young people eyeing us. I nudged Roger.

"Fans up ahead..." I warned. Roger nodded he heard me and we both grabbed the hands of our supposed dates as we walked out. Two of the guys from the group approached us.

"You're from Queen...right?" the taller one of the two questioned. I smiled and nodded.

"Yes...." I confirmed. I figured he would be excited and they would ask for autographs. I was surprised when his face formed a look of disgust.

"Your last record sucked!" he declared. "Are you rock and roll or as you just making poofter music these days?" he questioned. I felt my stomach knot at his criticism and tried to think of what to say to answer his concern.

"Hey....we tried something different...and it didn't work for everybody..." Roger responded diplomatically. I thought it was a fair come back. Both of the men remained unimpressed. Clare squeezed my hand tightly. Feeling the unease of the situation.

"Yeah....well....make sure your next album actually sounds like a fucking Queen record..." he retorted and they stormed off towards their friends. Roger and I looked at each other with disbelief and then he shrugged and we headed out of the lobby. As we got out of earshot Roger leaned closer to me and whispered.

"I found his choice of words ironic..." Roger commented. "I guess the fact that we are actually called Queen went over that pricks head!" I grinned at him with amusement.

"Fucking Queen at that..." I added and winked at him. He chuckled as we headed for the car.

-------------------------

16th October 1982

En Route To Tokyo

Brian's POV

We were headed for the final leg of our Hot Space tour and we were all more than ready for it to be over with. Some of us were already thinking about Christmas and New Years and seeing our families. Others were thinking about that next project in the works. Roger and Freddie were preparing to do some recording and work on their own songs so of course Paul and Crystal were planning to go with them. I still hadn't made any plans and knew if I was to tinker with any solo work I probably needed to figure out what I had to work with. Roger already had his writing notebook open and was pouring over his unused material as we sat on the place to Japan. I could see the focus in his face and knew any thought I had that he might change his mind was fruitless. He was seated next to me in first class and had on a new track suit and his hair was freshly cut and colored. He looked so handsome and sexy and I had to smile as I knew the Japanese girls will eat him up.

I glanced over and found Freddie deep in conversation with Phoebe and Paul about something. Deacy was asleep next to Ratty. All of first class was filled with us and our road crew. Since everyone was occupied with something, I figured it was time to look at what I had lingering in my own writing notebook. It hadn't seen the light of day for weeks. I pulled it from my carry on bag and set it on my table. Roger glanced over at me wearing a curious expression.

"You going to take a look at what you've got?" he asked me as he looked over at my notebook.

"I guess..." I replied and went to open the book and something slipped out. I reached down and immediately remembered the newspaper clipping from a prior plane trip as I grabbed it. I laid it on top of my book and scanned over the article again. Roger was still looking and I could see him eyeing it as well.

"What's that?" he questioned as I handed him the article.

"It was something I read when we were in North America...I think it was from the New York Times..." I explained. I let him read it and remained silent. He finished and looked at me with concern.

"Shit!" he remarked as he handed the clipping back to me. "That is a bit disconcerting..." he told me as I looked it over again. "It is remarkable that they all have this same immune disorder..." he said out loud as he thought about what he read. "Have you seen any other articles about it?" he asked me. I shook my head.

"No..to be honest I forgot about it until just now...but I haven't seen anything in the papers I've read..." I answered. "It mentioned they've seen this in other countries besides the states...do you think it's in the UK?" I questioned. Roger shrugged and then reached over and grabbed the article from me as he gestured for me to stand up.

"I don't know...but I am keen to know if Freddie has heard about this..." he told me. I got up as well and left my notebook in my chair as we both went over to his seat. He saw us coming and stopped his conversation.

"What's up with you two?" he asked with a pleasant smile. Roger handed him the article and we both stood and watched as he looked it over. His face expressed curiosity and then dropped a bit as he finished reading. Paul also took a look at it since he was seated next to him. His face was solemn. "Where did you get this from?" Freddie immediately asked us.

"I read it in the New York Times about six weeks ago...I kept it and forgot I had it..." I explained. Freddie looked at Paul with alarm.

"Have you heard about this?" Freddie asked him. Paul looked up at Roger and myself and then back at Freddie. To me it was evident he had heard something about it.

"I have actually..." Paul replied. Freddie's eyebrows raised and he pointed his finger at the newspaper clipping as he spoke.

"You have?" Freddie replied with surprise. "Why haven't you said anything to me about it?" he questioned with marked annoyance. Paul tried to appear uncertain and shrugged.

"I don't know...I guess because there isn't much to tell...." he replied. "I saw that article when we were in the states and I've only heard of it in passing back home in London..." he told Freddie.

"How did you hear of it in London?" Freddie questioned with growing concern. Paul looked like he didn't want to say and then sighed. It filled me with a sense of increased alarm.

"They think that is what Terry died from..." Paul told Freddie in a quiet voice. Freddie looked quite taken aback by the news. I wondered who this Terry person was.

"Whose Terry?" I asked them. Freddie looked at Paul for a moment and seemed to convey his disappointment at not being told. He then turned his attention to me and Roger.

"Terry....Terence Higgins..." Freddie informed us. "He was a deejay at Heaven...that nightclub we go to in London..." he explained. "He died in July..." Freddie said and look subdued as he spoke. "I was out of town when it happened...and I only heard that they were waiting for cause of death..." he paused and looked over at Paul again. "I assumed it might have been drugs or something like that..." he remarked in a quiet voice.

"Do you know anything else about it? Do they know what is causing people to get it?" Roger questioned to Paul. Paul shook his head.

"No...there isn't a lot of information out there....and it's rare...so I wouldn't get too alarmed about it..." Paul responded. "It sounds to me like it's nothing to worry over...." he commented casually.

"If you hear anything else about it...let us know..." Roger informed him and then looked over at Freddie. "You too..." he requested. Freddie nodded as he reached down to pull his cigarettes from his bag.

"Of course dear...and you do the same..." he replied as he lit a cigarette. Roger and I both nodded agreement and Roger reached down and took the article from Freddie's lap and we returned to our seats. When we were seated Roger handed the article back to me and we both shared a concerned look between us.

"The article said the cancer was rare...." I restated to Roger. "But it also said they are concerned that tens of thousands could be affected..." I reminded him. He nodded and reached over and took my hand.

"That is speculation Bri..." he told me in a calm voice. "It is a new thing and they are just trying to figure out it..." he told me as he gave me a reassuring look. "Don't get too worked up about it until there is reason to be..." he requested. He was right and what he said made sense. I nodded agreement and smiled at him.

"I'll try...." I responded and hoped I could keep my promise.

Chapter Text

28th October 1982

Train from Nagoya to Sapporo - Japan

Roger's POV

"At least they love us!" I commented with a broad smile as we were hustled into the train station in Nagoya. The crowd of fans was immense and security kept a tight circle around us. The four of us were in the middle and we were surrounded by Paul, Ratty, Gerry and our own body guards. A row of Japanese policemen was shepherding us towards the platform area. We had to go down some stairs and I felt a bit nervous as we reached the steps. At the last minute we were turned towards an elevator and shoved inside. Everyone was laughing but feeling a bit relieved we had skipped trying to navigate the stairs with the throngs of people pushing from behind us. Paul was in front as we burst out of the elevator onto the platform. The police were there and holding back a swarm of excited fans that were just a few feet away. When they saw us the screaming began and we moved quickly. Freddie moved quickly towards the trains and I followed as Brian came up behind me. Deacy brought up the rear and we went with urgency to get aboard the train before the security line broke and we were mobbed.

We were soon on the train and walking down to our reserved car as the sound of the fans got quieter and we all worked to catch our breath. Our Japanese host gestured to some seats as we entered our section. I flopped down and sighed as I observed everyone else get settled. The train began to move and I glanced over to see the blur of faces on the platform as we headed out. This was a high speed train so we would get to Sapporo in no time at all.

Brian and I were being careful during this trip. We are so popular in Japan and the press is around constantly. We already talked about sitting apart during any public outing. So Brian sat a couple of rows away from me with my sister. Clare was already on the train since she was escorted by one of our hosts separate from our group. Brian and I both shared a quick grin as I leaned forward to take off my coat. I pulled it off and laid it over the empty seat next to me.

"Can I bum a light?" Paul asked me as he held out a cigarette. "I've broken my lighter..." he remarked. I nodded and pulled my cigarettes and lighter from my coat pocket. I lit his cigarette for him and then helped myself to one as well. Paul leaned against the row of seats and looked down at me as we both took a drag. "When are you heading for Montreux to record?" Paul asked me.

"Right after New Years..." I replied. "Are you going with Freddie for the holidays or back home?" I said to be friendly. Paul smiled at me.

"I'll see my family at Christmas and fly back for New Years..." he answered.

"You got any nieces and nephews to buy presents for?" I questioned. Actually curious if he was an Uncle. Paul smiled and nodded.

"I do have a niece..." he answered. We shared a pleasant expression and wondered if he was an Uncle, why wasn't he keen on kids being around.

"Why don't you ever bring her around...we've had the odd family picnic...." I questioned.

"She lives in Dublin...it's not convenient...and what we do for a living is no place for a child..." he said with a touch of judgement. I understood that to a degree but it was my choice to have my children with me on the road sometimes. I need to see them and they need to see me. It wasn't like they were attending the parties.

"I would certainly never bring my kids to one of our parties...but we find a balance on the road when they're with us..." I remarked as a kind of defense mechanism. Paul simply smiled and inhaled. Letting out his smoke as he glanced over at Freddie.

"It's a good thing you left the kids at home on this tour...those fans would probably kidnap your little Jimi..." he said in a teasing manner. I laughed lightly but still found him quite odd as he lifted himself away from the top of the seats and began walking towards Freddie. They were both quickly engaged in conversation as Paul slid into a seat next to his. I just sighed and felt like Paul was something of an enigma.

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29th October 1982

Sapporo Japan

Even though my shirt was soaked in beer I didn't care! I was bloody well going to beat everybody here tonight. I swallowed as fast as I could manage and emptied my beer. I wiped at my mouth and gasped a bit as I tried to avoid taking in too much air as the liquid hit my stomach. I watched Freddie finish his last bit and we both laughed at each other.

"You little shit!" Freddie chided as he set his beer mug on the table and leaned against the edge; breathing heavily. He wiped at his mouth as I walked over and patted his shoulder with my hand.

"Tough luck there Fred!" I replied in a smug tone and he shoved my hand away in jest as Brian and Deacy picked up their beers. The crew began cheering them on like they did us and we stood and watched them try to finish their beer before the other.

"Ikki! Ikki!" we all shouted. It was a word we were taught by our Japanese host. The equivalent of 'chug.' Despite his best efforts my dear husband fell prey to our bass player's superior handle on alcohol. Brian stumbled in his clogs with increasing drunkenness as Gerry Stickells reached out to catch him. Deacy was snorting with laughter watching him and then had a moment of not so sure footedness himself. Ratty and Paul were up next and both quickly emptied their beers but Paul was the victor.

Luck of the Irish!" Ratty grumbled as he returned to his chair at a nearby table and was consoled by one of the female guests. Gerry took a turn with Crystal who easily outdrank our road manager. Jobby and Clare were up next. She had decided to participate even though she isn't a heavy drinker. Everyone cheered extra hard for her, but despite Jobby going slow he was finished long before my sister could empty her giant mug. She was laughing and shaking her head as I walked up to her and gave her a supportive hug.

"You did great Bear!" I said to her and she looked at me with amusement.

"You are so drunk Dodger!" she remarked back. I think she is right. I did slur my words a bit.

"Rog and Deacy! Get up there!" Freddie barked his order. We both went to the center as we were handed fresh mugs of the heavy Japanese beer. Deacy was eyeing me as I did him and I held my beer close to my face as someone shouted to start.

"Ikki! Ikki!" the crowd shouted as I tilted my mug back and gave every effort to empty it before Deacy could. Some of it spilled onto my face but I ignored the irritating splash near my eye and the moment I was done I held my mug up in the air and shouted.

"Fuck yeah!" I bragged. Deacy finished right after me and wiped his face with his hand. I used my already soaked shirt sleeve and wiped at some foam on my upper lip. Deacy came over and patted my arm.

"You are going to be so sick tomorrow...and I will enjoy every moment of it!" Deacy declared. I laughed him off and took a few steps towards a table to hold me up as Paul and Crystal had their round. Crystal was practically falling over as he tried to hang on to his mug and empty it down his throat. Amazingly Paul stood firm on his feet and drained his drink with time to spare.

"It's Roger and Jobby and the winner drinks with Paul!" Freddie announced. Jobby shook his head and looked a bit queasy.

"I'm out!" Jobby groaned back. Freddie turned to face me and gestured for me to return to the middle of our section. I swayed a bit as I stood by Paul. He simply grinned confidently at me as Gerry handed me a fresh beer.

"You can barely stand up Taylor...." Paul remarked in an arrogant manner. I leered at him and grinned even though my body felt a bit shaky.

"Just fucking drink already!" I retorted snidely. Paul held his drink in an apparently steady hand and looked at me with confidence. I had a bad feeling I was going to lose as Freddie shouted to go. I twisted my wrist and opened my mouth and felt a whooshing sensation from moving my head too quickly. The beer coming out of my mug missed my mouth and spilled onto my neck and shirt. Fuck! I took a step to steady myself and then had to take another to steady that previous step. The mug seemed really heavy and slipped from my hand as I stumbled forward. Spilling beer on me and the floor. Paul was working on his mug and seemed almost finished. And I guess I was quite finished. My knees went out on me and I fell forward. Gerry caught me as I headed down and righted me.

"Easy there!" he cautioned as Brian came over and helped me remain standing. He was laughing and wore a broad smile.

"Christ Rog! You are wasted!" he exclaimed. I huffed out a laugh of agreement and nodded as I let him wrap his arm around me. Paul finished his drink and held the mug up in triumph as everyone cheered his victory. I kind of hated him and envied him at the same time. Shit! Those Irish fuckers sure can hold their drink! Paul walked towards me and smiled.

"You better get some water in you Roger..." he warned me and I smiled back and stuck my hand out. He had won fairly and I was going to be a man about it. We shook hands.

"Congrats!" I told him. He nodded confirmation of my sentiment and then began to walk back over to his seat by Freddie. I noticed he was a bit unsteady now. Brian was still holding me up as Paul went to sit down in the chair and proceeded to slide off it onto the floor. I guess that last beer finally hit him and he was legless. I guffawed at the sight of him being rescued from under the table by a drunken coterie of friends. They were pretty useless and we laughed as some of the wait staff at the Beer Garden came to help.

-----------------------------------

I was still laughing as we were shepherded into the hotel by our contingent of Japanese hosts. I am sure we were being entirely too loud as they loaded us into some lifts and took us upstairs to our suites. Brian and Clare were in the same lift as me and one of the hosts and Jobby filled out our group.

"It's a good thing we don't have a gig tomorrow..." Jobby commented as we slowly ascended. He still appeared a bit green around the gills. The lift stopped and the host stepped out and held the door open. Clare and Brian both got their arms around me to spot me as we began the journey to our suite. Jobby's room was the other direction and we said goodnight as we arrived at our door. The host got it opened for us and the three of us stumbled inside. The other lifts had arrived and the floor was noisy as everyone went to their rooms.

Our host left us there as he closed our door behind him. Brian kept his hold on me as we headed for our bedroom. Clare followed behind us.

"My poor Roggie is going to be a mess tomorrow..." Brian cooed to me as we went straight for the bathroom. He sat me on the toilet lid as Clare got me some water and a headache tablet.

"Yeah...but I did great tonight..." I slurred out to them both. Clare smiled at me as she handed me the pill. I did my best to drink some water and took the pill as Clare and Brian took my jacket and shirt off. My shoes and socks were discarded before I stood up. Clare gave me a hug and kissed my forehead.

"Good night brother..." she remarked to me. I nodded and sighed as drowsiness was setting in. Clare disappeared as Brian walked me to our bed. I plopped down and laid back as he peeled my trousers off me. I closed my eyes and I was out.

The next day

As hangovers went it was a solid 7 out of 10. The water and the headache pill helped. I woke up and was able to get myself out of bed and to the toilet. My mouth was awful so I brushed my teeth and gargled some mouthwash. It improved my demeanor. Brian woke up as I returned to bed and he used the toilet as I got a fresh bottle of water and took a big drink. Feeling better already. I did lay back down. I had slept quite a bit of it off but some more rest would help. We weren't traveling until tomorrow and had a free day. I got comfortable and Brian came back. He was drinking some water as well and made a sound of satisfaction as he set the bottle down and slid back in by me. He turned the tv on using the remote and I shifted over to lay my head against his side. Wanting his comfort right now. He turned the volume down for my benefit.

"Feeling better?" he asked me quietly as he switched the tv channels to find something to watch. I nodded as I nuzzled into him a bit more. He turned and kissed my forehead and resumed his tv quest. "Think you might want to eat something?" he asked me. I did like to eat a big breakfast at times after a night of heavy drinking. It seemed to settle my stomach and absorb any remaining alcohol. I really liked the idea of a cigarette right now.

"I think I'll have a ciggie first and see if Clare wants some food..." I answered. Brian stayed in bed as I got up and found a robe. I donned it as I headed into the suite and to her room. Yawning and working to stretch out some body aches. I tapped on her door and waited. There was nothing. I gently opened her door and figured she might be asleep or in her shower. I looked inside and was alarmed to find her bed was not slept in. I walked to her bathroom and she wasn't inside. My wakefulness increased as I moved back into the living area and checked around for her. Making sure she hadn't slept on the sofa. She wasn't there. I would normally assume she was doing something and had left the room save for the fact her bed was not disturbed. I felt a tinge of panic and rushed into my bedroom. For some reason the words Paul had said to me about kidnapping filled my head and filled me with dread.

"Brian! Clare is gone!" I said with alarm and he looked up at me with confusion and concern.

"What do you mean?" he asked me as he pushed the blankets off him and got up. "Maybe she went to the lobby or something?" he questioned. Already running his hand through his hair. Worry filling his face.

"Her bed wasn't slept in!" I informed him. Brian's face shifted to alarm as well as he grabbed his robe and went to do what I had just done. He checked her room and was looking around the suite.

"Her purse is gone....she probably went downstairs for something..." Brian said to try and be reasonable. I didn't like this but didn't want to just say what I was thinking. I tightened my robe and headed for the suite door.

"But her bed wasn't slept in..." I reminded him. "You call the front desk and see if she has been down there...I am going to check with Crystal to see if he saw her last night after we got back..." Brian nodded as he picked up the phone. I left the suite and walked briskly down the hall to Crystal's room. I knocked hard and began to speak without waiting.

"Crystal! I need your help!" I said loudly and kept knocking. Feeling a sense of urgency in finding my sister. I was knocking as I heard the door lock being unfastened and Crystal was standing there and only had his door open a few inches.

"What is going on mate?" he asked me wearily and rubbed his eyes. He had apparently crawled out of his bed to answer the door. I had to get him moving and helping me find her. I pushed at him to open his door so I could explain what was going on inside his room. Crystal was hesitant as I tried to step in and turned his head to look into his room as he resisted. I realized he might have found some company for last night. I didn't care as my situation was more important than his late night guest.

"Let me in! You have to get dressed and help me find my sister!" I argued to him as I forced myself into his room. Crystal sighed heavily as he took a step back and I came inside.

"Shit!" he cried out and I saw whoever was sharing his bed had scrambled under the covers. I know they were probably embarrassed and I felt bad.

"I'm sorry about your company but this is more important!" I told him with growing panic. "Clare didn't sleep in her bed last night and we don't know where she is!" I explained to him in a harried tone. "I didn't want to say anything to Brian...but what if she was kidnapped?" I questioned to him quietly and Crystal sighed heavily again and looked over at his bed. I realized he might not want his guest knowing about my personal life. I appreciated it but was more concerned about my sister. "Look...just tell your company they have to go because we have to find my sister...." I requested. Crystal looked at me and seemed a bit panicked but I got the feeling it was about something different from my own worries. He glanced at his bed again and I wondered for a minute if he had a man in here with him. I certainly didn't care but wondered if he was embarrassed. Suddenly I saw the covers move and whoever was under them was pulling them off.

"Quit panicking Roger....I'm right here!" Clare suddenly announced as she revealed herself to me. It was obvious she was naked and the only thing Crystal had on was his briefs. I glared at my sister for just a moment. Angry that she had frightened me with her disappearance. I quickly moved my stare to my trusted drum tech/assistant and shoved my finger straight into his bare chest.

"You care to tell me what the fuck is going on here?" I said to him with growing fury. It was abundantly clear they had slept together and I wanted to know what he thought he was doing seducing my baby sister! Crystal raised his hands up in a surrendered gesture at me.

"Rog...look...we are both adults and..." he began to explain. I already knew I wasn't going to be happy with his answer.

"That is my fucking sister!" I interrupted him and went to shove him up against the wall.

"Roger!" Clare barked at me. I still had my hands on Crystal but turned to see her wrapping the bedsheet around herself as she stood up. She looked indignant. "I am a grown woman and was enjoying an evening with a friend...and to be completely honest I feel this is none of your business!" she informed me in a stern tone. "I am sorry I overslept and didn't make it back before you woke...I am sorry I worried you and Brian...but you need to get your hands off him and go back to your room..." she told me in a concise manner and pointed at the door. Her expression told me I better comply. I released Crystal and huffed at him. Still completely furious at him for violating my sister. I avoided looking at Clare and went to the door and walked out.

I realized I didn't have my room key and banged on the door as I tried to calm down from the rage inside me. Brian opened the door looking subdued and I gestured to him as I barged inside.

"It's okay....she's safe..." I managed to tell him and sighed in an irritated manner. His face relaxed and he looked relieved as he closed the door behind me.

"Where is she?" he asked and I looked at him with my outrage on display.

"I found her in my soon to be former assistant's bed!" I declared sharply. Brian showed shock at first and then I swear I saw something resembling recognition cross his face. I wondered if he had known she was sleeping with my drum tech. I glared at him. "Did you know about this?" I asked him as my irritation shifted towards my husband. Brian tried to look innocent but I wasn't buying it. My brow furrowed and my temperature rose even higher.

"I didn't know she was sleeping with Crystal...." Brian responded a bit too late for my satisfaction. It still seemed like he knew something. I walked closer to interrogate him.

"But you knew she was sleeping with somebody...didn't you?" I questioned and his expression told me I was right. They were keeping secrets! "You did know!" I said accusingly. Brian raised his hands in surrender just like Crystal had and it annoyed me.

"Rog...I knew she occasionally fooled around with someone on the crew...but I didn't ask who it was...alright?" he answered. It seemed to be the truth but it didn't make me any less angry.

"And you think this is okay?" I argued back. "No one on this fucking crew is worthy of my sister!" I reminded him. Brian shook his head at me.

"She is an adult...and she chooses who she decides to sleep with..." he told me firmly. Before I could respond the door to our suite opened and my sister appeared. She was dressed in her clothes from last night and appeared vexed as she walked towards us.

"No one on this crew is allowed to sleep with my baby sister!" I declared to her and her eyes went wild with fury.

"I am going to say this to you once dear brother!" Clare told me and sounded like my mother when she has had enough. Brian began to walk towards the bedroom to leave us alone. "I am 30 years old Roger! 30!" she reminded me. "I am your sister but I am no baby and you are not allowed to treat me like some precious possession that no man is allowed to touch..." Clare tossed her bag onto the table and glared at me. I began to feel like I did when my mother railed on me as a misbehaving child. "It is my choice who I sleep with and you are not going to dictate to me who you deem suitable..." I understood her point but these people were under my employ and I felt they took advantage.

"I get that Clare but I won't have my crew taking advantage of you..." I pointed out. She huffed out a breath and looked like she was going to laugh at me.

"I've got news for you...." she responded. "I was the instigator..." she declared and appeared boastful about it. I was shocked to hear this. "And for your information....this wasn't the first time I've enjoyed Crystal's company..." she revealed. I wanted to scream at the knowledge this had been an ongoing thing. I felt betrayed by my assistant. Betrayed by my sister.

"Well it will be the last time Crystal enjoys himself because he is fucking fired!" I shouted back. Clare rolled her eyes and then came to stand right in front of me.

"You will do no such thing Roger Taylor!" she said sternly. "You couldn't function without him and besides...if you fire him I will quit and then you will really be in a pickle!" she threatened. I hated her ultimatum because it was true. She was right. I couldn't function without Crystal and she knew it. We had also quickly grown dependent on Clare in her capacity as our personal assistant. Mine and Brian's lives were better organized and she managed our affairs too competently. I was up against the wall on this. And Brian had deserted me to hide in the bedroom. I groaned in defeat.

"Fine!" I grumbled at her and closed my eyes. Willing the knowledge of my sister and my friend doing the deed to leave my scarred brain.

"I think you need to apologize to Crystal and then we are good..." she demanded. I nodded understanding as she disappeared into her bedroom and closed her door. I walked to my bedroom and found Brian looking at me with empathy as he held his arms out to me. I went over and accepted his comfort as I groaned into his shoulder. Letting out a sound of pain. He patted my back.

"Sorry..." he said to me and I groaned again. He then made a light chuckling sound and pressed me closer. I wish I had never woke up this morning.

----------------------------------

5th November 1982

Tokyo to London

It was late and we were back on the plane and leaving Japan. This part of our tour was considered a bona fide success. Hot Space fared much better here than back home or in the States but not by much. I was glad to leave this album and tour behind as we flew back home. I think we all were.

We seemed to have been in a steady pattern of making an album and then immediately hitting the road for years. I could see the wear in all of us. Freddie and Deacy and Brian. And even the crew who had been with us for ages. We all love each other and enjoy our time together but it was evident it was time for a real break. After the normal holiday time period ends most of our crew indicated they were going to just enjoy some actual time at home. A few were traveling to places they never had time to visit before. Freddie was buying a better apartment in New York and had plans in play for recording on his own. I had already booked my time in Montreux for January and beyond. Deacy had made travel plans for his family. Even our manager Jim Beach was welcoming a break in his daily workload.

And then there was Brian. He has never said what his plans are. I encouraged him to try something on his own but he seemed un-committed. All he would talk about is some real time at home with the kids and seeing more of his parents. I knew this would make him happy but also feared he would grow restless. We are all workaholics at heart and months without real work would eat away at him eventually. I would have to try and get him motivated over the holidays to commit to something.

I put my headphones from my Walkman on and pressed play as I turned at looked at my husband. He was asleep next to me on the plane and looked so peaceful. The cabin lights had been turned down since it was nighttime. His head was resting on a small airplane pillow and his billowy mass of curls completely covered it. As I looked at him I realized he had really become more handsome as he aged. He had grown into his sharp features and they suited someone in their mid 30's. I know Brian had felt he looked awkward at times as a younger man but getting older somehow made him even more appealing. I felt lucky to have him and hoped I fared just as well as I entered that age range. I noticed his blanket had slipped from his shoulders. I reached over and pulled it up to cover him completely. He opened his eyes when I finished and smiled warmly at me. I returned a smile. As I have done on many a plane ride with my husband I placed my own blanket over both our laps and slipped my hand under his blanket and found his hand. Despite being mostly asleep he instantly laced his fingers with mine. Even though we would soon be apart, right now if felt good to be connected to each other.

Chapter Text

4th January 1983

Surrey England

Brian's POV

"I love you..." Roger told me in a whisper as I held him in my arms and thrust into him from behind. He was leaving early in the morning for Montreux and we had laid in bed talking about his plans for his record and our time apart. It had eventually shifted to snogging but in a lazy comfortable way. Soon I had Roger laying on his side as I laid behind him. It felt intimate and so familiar in the best possible way to make love to him as I cradled him to me. We have enjoyed this position since our first time and he had turned his head so that we could continue kissing as we were connected together. I loved the feel of his soft skin, warm back and the scent of his hair close to my face. Savoring every movement into him and knowing it would be a while before we would be together like this again. I lifted Roger's leg and gently rolled him onto his back as I shifted myself to be between his legs. I bent over him and ran my hand up his chest as I resumed moving inside him. Feeling the intensity building between us. Pressing our mouths together; both of us making sounds of desire and contentment. We soon finished and just stayed still; looking at each other and smiling with bliss.

"That was nice..." Roger told me as we shared some soft kisses. I remained inside him and lowered myself onto him and rested my head against his shoulder. He hugged me close and I sighed heavily. Wishing he wasn't leaving so soon.

"I wish we could stay like this forever..." I told him quietly as I breathed him in.

-------------------------------------------

"Have you given anymore thought as to whether you might do some work while I'm gone?" Roger asked me as we waited for his car to arrive to take him to the airport. His luggage was standing by the door and he was pulling on his coat.

"I don't know..." I said; being non-committal. "I think I'll just play it by ear..." Roger looked disappointed but I smiled at him. "I promise I will find something to keep me occupied..." I assured him. "Don't worry about me..." I said and tried to look confident as he accepted my response. Roger looked like he was going to say something and then his face softened and he smiled.

"Alright..." he replied. I could hear his car pulling up to the front drive. "That's my car..." he announced. He pulled me to him and we shared a lingering kiss. I embraced him and held him close for a moment. We parted as there was a knock on the door. I stood back in my robe and watched as Roger answered the door and the driver took one of his bags. He waved to me before stepping out. "Love you..." he mouthed to me as he left the house. I watched the door close behind him.

I went back upstairs and was walking towards my bedroom when I saw Tiger Lily standing in her doorway. She looked up at me.

"Is Papa gone?" she asked me. I nodded to her and she walked towards me. She took my hand and walked with me to my bedroom. Without a word we both crawled into the bed and she snuggled into my side as I pulled the blankets up over us and closed my eyes.

---5th January 1983---

"I'm almost finished..." I told Tiger Lily as she held her foot still for me. I got the final bit of dark pink nail varnish on her tiny pinky toe and checked to make sure it was completely covered. "All done!" I told her and she leaned over to examine her toes and determine if I did an acceptable job.

"My fingers look better..." she told me honestly. I smiled at her.

"I definitely have more practice with painting finger nails..." I replied. She grinned at me and wiggled her feet on the mattress.

"Did Papa ever paint his nails?" she asked as I screwed the applicator top back onto the bottle of varnish and set it over on the nightstand.

"No..it was just me and Uncle Freddie..." I confirmed. She grinned at me.

"He wore black and you wore white..." she stated and I nodded and grinned back as I patted her leg.

"That's right..." I responded. "But that was years ago..."

"Papa and Uncle Freddie had longer hair then..." she pointed out. "I remember them having longer hair...' she remarked and I felt sentimental remembering my husband with his long blond locks. It also reminded me how little Tigs used to be and how big she is now. Every bit of her eight years. "Why didn't you cut your hair too?" she questioned. "Uncle Deacy did..." I shrugged in response.

"Well...I guess I was always happy with my hair that long..." was all I could tell her really. "I never tired of it..." Tigs leaned over and took hold of some of the bottom curls of my hair and stroked them lovingly.

"I know Papa never tires of it..." she told me back. I guess she has observed how often he plays with my hair. I almost blushed at the consideration that not much gets past her these days. She is quite astute for an eight year old.

"Yes...well....I think Papa would be cross if I chopped it all off..." I agreed and we shared an amused expression at how he might react to me doing that. "But I have no such plans..." I assured her. She giggled as she reached over and grabbed the bottle of varnish from the nightstand.

"Can I paint your toes?" she asked me and practically batted her eyelashes in the same way Roger does when he wants to get his way. I melted and felt powerless.

"Sure..." I said in defeat and slid my socks off. I scooted all the way back to make room for my long legs so I could straighten them out for her. Once I got settled she examined my feet and got a funny look on her face.

"Why are boys feet different from girls?" she questioned as she wiggled my big toe. I found she is really starting to process the differences between the sexes these days and wasn't surprised at yet another question about it. I had to think about my answer.

"I think in general that boys grow to be bigger all over so my feet would naturally be bigger than yours..." I commented. "And we tend not to be as soft and squishy on some parts of our bodies as girls are..." I added. I know her feet feel much softer than mine usually do.

"Your feet are bigger..." she agreed and smiled at me. "And hairier..." she said honestly as she eyed the hairs growing on top of my toes. I smirked at her comment.

"Yes...I think boys are a bit hairier too..." I agreed and she opened the varnish and proceeded to paint my big toe. I couldn't wait to tell Roger about this amusing conversation and wondered when I would speak to him next. He had called for a brief confirmation he arrived safely. But I knew he was now hyper focused on making his album and would call when he had time. That usually meant it would be late at night or when he would call to catch the kids before they went to bed. I sat and let Tigs paint both my feet. Jimi came in halfway through and Tiger Lily managed to paint one of his feet before he got restless and took off. My toes finally dried and I found my socks and put them back on. I had remained in my pajamas today. Not interested in getting dressed since I wasn't going anywhere. I planned on enjoying some real down time and that included not having to change clothes.

---15th January 1983---

I laid in bed alone and listened to the rain fall outside. It was a cold dreary day and it matched my mood. I felt cold and dreary. I pulled the duvet further up my body; laying on my back and staring up at the ceiling. I should have been up hours ago but I found myself in a low mood. I was missing Roger. He has called regularly and at first his calls were engaging and I looked forward to them. Now his enthusiasm for his album made me resentful and irritated. Last night when the phone rang I ignored it and watched an old movie on television. I wasn't up to listening to him brag about that day's accomplishments when I had done absolutely nothing since the holidays. I take that back - I had done something. I managed to grow a beard.

There was a knock on the door and I shouted from the bed for them to come inside. I sat up and found Clare coming in. She was carrying a tray as she approached my bed.

"I heard you hadn't been up yet today..." she remarked as she came over and set the tray on the bed. She carefully sat down next to it and looked me over. "Brian...I am going to say this to you once...you are headed for a serious bout of the blues..." she informed me. "You've not left the house since Roger left for Montreux and you've not done a thing..." she was right but I felt like I was getting a lecture and it was a bit annoying.

"I'm on holiday..." I argued back. Clare looked at me sternly.

"Uhh...that holiday ended about 10 days ago..." she countered. "Now I've got you a nice cup of tea and you are going to sit up and drink it as we go over this mail...." she announced. "And when we are finished you are going to take a shower and shave off that beard and get dressed..." I knew that tone she was using and I knew if I tried to argue with her I would lose. I sat up and leaned over to take the cup from the tray. I noticed several letters on the tray.

"Okay..." I said to her in an amiable tone. I sipped my tea and found it was helpful in perking me up a little. Clare handed me a letter.

"I think this letter might cheer you up..." she remarked to me. It was from the Guild Guitar Company. I knew she had already read it because she opens all my mail. I slid the envelope open and took a look at the letter. To my surprise and delight it was an offer for them to design and build replicas of my Red Special. With our increasing popularity I had been asked a lot by fans if I would ever consider selling replicas of my guitar. I had never had the time to look into it but apparently this company had seen an interest.

"What do you think?" Clare asked me as I finished reading their generous offer. I had to admit I was extremely flattered and found myself excited at the prospect. It was nice to feel excited about something. And this was something I would do on my own. A solo project. I liked it. I smiled at her.

"I think we're going to America..."

---5th February 1983---

Montreux

Roger's POV

What had started as an ambitious project soon became muddled for me. I had loads of songs but I couldn't seem to come up with the right combination of them to create a theme or direction for an album. I had made quite a few demos and had listened to them all trying to sort out some ideas. I came up empty. I had been here a month and had grown frustrated. I contemplated going home but Brian had taken the kids and gone to America. A guitar company wanted to make replicas of Red and he flew to New York to meet with them. It had worked out and he spent two weeks helping them come up with a design to replicate his instrument. While I had ended up floundering in the studio he had found a real project and was now deeply engrossed in it.

"What do you want to do?" Dominique asked me as we met to discuss strategy. She was going to handle the PR for this album like she had done last time. She flew in to go over my progress and we had just had lunch and a frank discussion of my being stuck right now.

"I guess at this point I want to just sit on my songs for now and do some thinking before I proceed..." I told her honestly. I lit a cigarette as we shared a small table in the hotel bar. Dominique pulled a fresh cigarette from her bag and I lit it for her. "I am hoping I can write some other material that might help me pull a theme together..." I commented. She listened and seem to understand.

"So now what?" she asked me. "Are you going home?" she questioned as she took a sip of her cocktail.

"My family is away in America...so unless I go there...I am all alone for the time being..." I replied. "Maybe I will just do some traveling on my own...I've never done much for leisure...it has always been about work..." I suggested. Dom's face lit up and she leaned closer.

"Have you ever been skiing?"

--------------------------------------

---18th February 1983---

Los Angeles

Brian's POV

"How about mint chocolate chip?" I asked Jimi. "Have you ever tried that flavor?" he peered through the glass display in the ice cream shop and I bent down and pointed at the light green colored ice cream in its round container. "Want a sample of it?" I asked him.

"Okay..." he said. I gestured to the worker and she scooped a small amount on a sample spoon and then handed it over the counter to me. I leaned down and Jimi opened his mouth to take a bite. His face lit up as he tasted it and swallowed.

"You like that?" I asked as he looked pleased. He nodded at me so I turned back to the worker. "Can I get one scoop of that please in a cup?" I requested. She smiled and began to fill the order. She handed me the cup and I kept hold of it as I paid for all the ice cream we had ordered. I then carried my cup and Jimi's outside to the table where everyone was seated; already enjoying their selections.

"Which flavor did you get?" Tiger Lily asked her brother as he got seated and I sat his cup down for him.

"Mint chocolate chip..." he repeated to her. Tiger Lily had her usual strawberry. Clare was eating something with caramel and Mia had a hot fudge sundae. I was eating a scoop of raspberry sherbert. We sat on the sidewalk in front of the shop enjoying our treat and I couldn't help but marvel at how sunny and bright it was in Los Angeles. It was an antidote to the grey weather back home. It was an antidote to the blue mood I had been in. We began talking about doing some shopping for some spring and summer clothes. Both children had grown and needed new things for the warmer weather. I had checked to make sure I had my credit card with me. We had been here longer than planned in the states and I needed to put some things on my charge card to hang onto my cash until I could arrange to get some more money. This was something new for me and it felt odd to just hand this plastic card to a cashier rather than currency.

"Hey Brian!" I heard someone say. I wondered if a fan had recognized me but there was something familiar about the voice. I looked up and saw Fred Mandel, our keyboard player from our American and Japanese tours late last year, standing there with a companion.

"Fred! Hey!" I said as I stood up to shake his hand. Introductions with his friend Lisa were made between myself and my family.

"What are you doing in L.A?" I asked him.

"I've been in the studio with a few different artists..." he announced. "In fact I just finished up my last session and we are hanging out before we go on a trip in about two weeks..." Fred explained. "Hey...I saw Eddie Van Halen at the studio and he asked about you..." he mentioned to me. "I didn't know you'd be out here or I would have told him...give him a call while you are here..." he suggested. I did have Eddie's number from earlier meetings.

"I'll do that..." I replied. Fred and his lady friend took off and we finished our ice cream. We headed for the mall and shopped all afternoon. When we got back to the house I found my address book and called Eddie up. He was thrilled to hear from me and said we should get together and jam sometime. I told him I had no real plans and he invited me over the very next day. I was excited at the prospect and agreed to be there.

Eddie had a nice home and we enjoyed sitting around and catching up. I met his wife Valerie and she had some food delivered for lunch and we got our guitars out and played around all afternoon. Time flew by and Eddie suggested we should try and do some more jamming. There was a chemistry between our guitars and I left enthused to put something together. Heading to L.A. after my business in New York had turned out to be a great idea. I called some studios Eddie suggested and found some time available at The Record Plant. I gave Fred a call to see if he wanted to join in. He loved the idea. I got some numbers for some mutual friends we had from touring and I scraped up Phil Chen and Alan Gratzer from Reo Speedwagon to do bass and drums. I couldn't contain my excitement as I finalized our plans and chattered like a teenage girl going on a first date all through dinner. Clare and Mia both teased but seemed pleased for my session the next day.

After putting the kids to bed I retired to my bedroom and picked up the phone. Feeling butterflies in anticipation of tomorrow. I dialed the hotel phone number Roger had given me. He had called and told me he had been invited skiing by Dominique and a group of people she knew. He had asked if I minded if he went and tried it out. At first I was annoyed he was doing something new without me but realized it was selfish to deny him the chance. I wasn't sure how keen I was to do something like skiing anyway so I gave my blessing. We promised to have a phone call tonight to catch up. The hotel answered.

"Room 211 please..." I requested. They put me through and the line rang.

"Hello..." It was Roger and I smiled hearing his voice.

"It's me..." I answered. "How is skiing coming along?" I asked him.

"To be honest I had a shaky start but I am getting the hang of it..." he replied. "Crystal and I first did some novice slopes and we looked like two idiots trying to get our bearings on the skis..." he explained as he half laughed. I smiled listening to his story. I could easily picture him and Crystal being clumsy oafs and falling in the snow.

"Who is the better skier?" I questioned.

"Me of course!" Roger argued and we both laughed. "But you can tell Dom has been skiing for ages...she is an absolute pro on the slopes..." I was glad he was enjoying himself and Dom was showing him a good time. I fought the urge to be jealous and chose to be happy for him.

"I'm glad you've got someone who knows what they are doing and can show you a good time..." I told him honestly.

"She is a lot of fun and so are her friends...they are good hosts..." he remarked. "What are you getting up to in L.A.?" he asked me.

"I just planned on hanging out at the house and the beach but I ran into Fred Mandel. He told me Eddie Van Halen was asking about me and I called Eddie up and we had a visit. I went to his place and we had a jam session..." I explained with building excitement as I told the story. "It went really well and we decided to have another tomorrow...and we've invited in Fred along with the drummer and bassist from Reo Speedwagon...we just want to play and see what happens...just a bit of fun..." I told him.

"That sounds fantastic Brian! I want to hear the recordings and see how it turns out..." he replied. "I know you and Eddie really hit it off and I am glad you found a creative outlet while you are there..."

"It was fun today and I am excited about tomorrow...of course I can't let it become something serious as I have to get the kids back home for school..." I explained. "But it will be interesting to see what we create on a whim..."

"If you think you want to give it a real go I can always fly out and accompany everyone back home...if you want to stay and work on something..." he suggested. I found Roger's offer generous. He should have been working on his own project but we had talked about his difficulties in getting it organized and needing to take a break from it for now.

"That's nice of you to offer but I don't see us taking it as far as writing material and doing something tangible...we just want to keep it loose and fun..." I replied.

"Okay..." Roger responded. "I'll probably be here a few more days and will head back to London so I guess I will see you and everyone then..." he told me. It would be good to see him and I smiled at the prospect.

"That sounds great...I do miss your face..." I said sincerely.

"I miss you too babe..." Roger replied. "I miss you in my bed..." he admitted to me. "It's cold here and I miss your warmth..." he confessed. I smiled hearing this and wrapped my fingers around the phone cord and laid back against the pillows on the bed.

"I miss the smell of your hair..." I confessed and felt a blush go through me. Roger made a sound of satisfaction in the phone and I grinned at the noise.

"Yeah?" he said back. "If I was there right now I'd climb into your lap and wrap my arms around your neck and you could smell my hair all night..." he added.

"That sounds like heaven..." I said in response and we both devolved into a conversation about what we liked and missed about the other. It felt nice to be reminded about the little things we appreciate and I delighted in some of the sexy banter that resulted at the end. It also left me with an ache when we finally hung up and I pondered taking a shower to do something about the feeling.

---20th February 1983---

It was one of the best experiences of my musical life and I was riding high off the jam as we finished at The Record Plant in the evening. Everyone had been at the top of their game and I couldn't wait to listen to the tapes again and share them with Roger. I was really excited for Jimi to hear our rendition of the theme song to his favorite show, Star Fleet. I called Eddie before we went to the studio and played him a recording of the show theme I had taped from the television. He was game to give it a go and it had turned into such a light and playful song to trade licks on.

"Hey! Let's keep the party going..." Eddie suggested as we all stood in the parking lot of the studio; still in high spirits. "I can call some people and we can have a party back at my place..." he explained. I glanced at my watch and saw it was 10 pm. I did want to spend more time with these guys; especially Eddie.

"Okay...I need to leave around 1 though..." I replied. "My family..." I told him.

"Sure...you can call them from my house when we get there..." he suggested. I nodded agreement and we all took off for Eddie's house. We arrived to find some of his regulars already there with the stereo system blasting music and the drinks were already being served. Valerie wasn't there due to filming commitments but there were plenty of females in attendance. Eddie began introducing me to his friends and I was glad when he made a point to inform the women I was spoken for. The party got bigger when some more people arrived. I had a few beers and caught up with Fred Mandel. I was finishing one when Eddie walked in holding a box of liquor.

"I just got this special reserve in from Kentucky...you've got to try this..." he informed us. He leaned over and handed me a bottle of bourbon. I usually drank vodka and the occasional glass of Roger's whisky, but it was Scottish whisky and I heard Bourbon was different. More potent for an Englishman. I was going to decline his offer.

"Thanks but I'll skip this..." I said politely. Eddie shoved the bottle back at me.

"Come on Brian! You're in my country so drink like I do..." he told me and made it sound like I would offend him if I turned him down. I uncapped the bottle and took a drink. It was heavy stuff and I gasped a bit as it went down. Eddie chuckled as he watched. "Just keep working on that bottle and you're guaranteed a good time tonight!" he declared. I nodded at him and had a another drink. This time it wasn't as punchy. It still burned. I wiped my mouth and smiled at him. He looked satisfied and handed out a few more bottles before keeping the last one and taking a large drink. I decided I would try and just sip it and raised my bottle up when he yelled out a toast.

---Three hours later---

"Come on in!" the women shouted at me. "The water is so warm!" one of the woman told me as she rested her folded arms on the edge of the heated pool in Eddie's back garden and looked up at me. I shook my head and stumbled a bit as I tried to walk away.

"I've not got a bathing suit..." I argued to her. I watched as she proceeded to take a step back in the pool and pulled her top off and flung it my way. She was now bare breasted and gazing at me.

"I haven't got one either..." she said back with a giggle. I laughed too but then waved to her and began walking back towards the house. The music was blaring and my head was roaring from all the alcohol I had consumed. I managed to get a sliding door opened and walked into a lounge area. The lights were low and I had trouble finding my way in the near dark. I could make out the shapes of people fooling around on the couches. I heard some giggling as I entered the hallway and found a girl leaning into Eddie's bare chest as they shared a bottle of liquor. Eddie was propped up against the wall and had a stupid grin as the girl ran her finger over his bicep. I noticed how defined his arm muscles were. He was a thin guy but he worked out apparently. His stomach muscles were quite defined and his biceps were big. I admired his bare chest as the girl leaned in and tried to get a kiss from him. He accepted her kiss but then noticed me watching and laughed a bit; moving his head to one side to avoid her mouth.

We shared a look between us and I know he was inferring the unspoken code of people in the rock business. I know he is married and he is telling me this is just the usual thing that goes on at parties. The girl pushed away from him and looked over at me and winked as she walked down the hall to the bathroom and went inside. Eddie watched her disappear and ran his hand through his hair; laughing again and shrugging as he turned back to look at me.

"Girls...you know!" he said in dismissive manner and took a drink from the almost empty bottle in his hand. "You've been around longer than me...I know you've had your share of tail on the road..." he stated and looked at me for confirmation. I was surprised by his behavior right now and quickly realized that it was probably the drink that had done this to him. Changed his demeanor. The drink and the drugs. It hadn't escaped me that he had some white residue below his nose and earlier I had seen him taking some kind of pills. I am not going to judge him as I am far from perfect and have been unfaithful before. I've also had my moments of too much drink. I decided to be cordial about it. As drunk as he was he probably wouldn't remember this conversation. Neither would I for that matter.

"I've had my weak moments..." I said to summarize my short list of sins. He smiled widely hearing this and took a few steps towards me.

"I know you got your lady back at home..." he said to me. "That blond you always mention..." he added with a knowing look. "Seems like you've been with her a long time so she must be pretty cool about what goes on while you are on the road..." Eddie looked at me with a smirk and I felt bad that I had lied to him in the past. I was evasive when talking about my relationship and let him believe what the world does. That Clare is my partner. We never talked much about our partners and he did ask me about being a father. That seemed to interest him. In keeping with the lies I had only talked about Jimi. It felt disloyal to my girl but I had never been able to gauge where Eddie stood regarding gay or bisexual people. It was pretty clear he was straight. I just didn't know how straight laced he was about sexuality. Fred Mandel knew my truth and had no issue. He had a good reputation in the business for his discretion so I trusted him to keep my secret. As far as I knew he never told a soul about me and Roger.

"I have been with my partner for a long time and we understand each other..." was all I offered to Eddie. He seemed to like my choice of words. He got closer and smiled drunkenly as he clutched his bottle. I wanted to change the subject to avoid any complications on the topic. "Do you lift weights to get your arms like that?" I asked him. Eddie looked proud as he held up his arms and flexed them to show off his biceps.

"Fuck yeah I do!" he said back and glanced behind me. "I'll show you my workout stuff...it's in the garage..." he informed me. The girl who had been in the bathroom reappeared and walked past us in the hallway. I felt the need to take a big piss and gestured towards the bathroom.

"Alright..." I said. "Let me go first and then I'll have a look..." I told him. Eddie looked down at my bottle and saw I had about a quarter of it left.

"Bottoms up before you piss it all away!" he said teasingly. He lifted the bottom of the bottle and gestured for me to take a drink.

"It's the last one of the night mate...I'm pretty pissed..." I explained. He laughed and watched me take one more drink. I finished and handed him my bottle. I stumbled down the hall and felt a bit dizzy as I went in to use the toilet. I noticed Eddie finishing off my bottle as I stepped in and turned on the light. I unzipped my jeans and went to stand in front of the toilet. It felt so good to relieve myself. I stood unsteadily and emptied my bladder. Smiling and almost sighing at the feeling. I finished and struggled to get my zipper back up. I looked down and finally got the pull in my fingers and zipped up. I laughed as I whipped my head back up and felt a massive head rush from moving too quickly. I felt my body go weak and dizzy.

"Shit!" I said loudly as I knew I was losing my balance. The tile floor was slippery and my clogs didn't give me enough traction. I felt my feet start to go out from under me and moved my arms up to try and catch myself. On what I didn't know as there was nothing there to grab. I looked in front of me and only saw the back of the toilet as my feet quickly slid backwards and I fell forward. My shins slammed into the toilet and I fell forward a bit more. I tried to grab onto the back of the toilet but failed and felt my body start going down. In a panic I tried pull myself forward a bit and lost my balance completely. I came down hard. My head made contact with the toilet as I fell. I heard what seemed like a cracking sound as I landed on the tile floor and the lights seem to go out on me.

To be continued

Chapter Text

***** A reminder that I am not a medical expert.

20th February 1983

Los Angeles CA

Brian's POV

"Shit Brian! Are you okay?" I could faintly hear someone asking me this. "Hey man...wake up!" Whoever it was, they were telling me to wake up. I hadn't realized I was asleep. I wondered if my eyes were just closed. I willed myself to open them and my eyes were shocked by the harsh light. I blinked several times to adjust to the intensity and immediately felt I had a horrible headache. I tried to reach up to touch my head and felt so out of it.

"You're awake!" someone else said. "Thank god!" they said next. "Don't touch your head...you're bleeding..." As soon as I heard these words I felt the warm wet spot on my head. It was painful to touch and I brought my hand down to see it smeared with blood.

"Ow!" I said and felt worried as I realized I had hurt myself. I looked up to see Fred Mandel peering down at me. Next to him was Eddie. Both of them looked concerned.

"You okay?" Eddie asked me. I was laying on my back and I wanted to try and sit up. I lifted my arms up and Eddie grabbed hold of one to help me.

"Don't move him!" Fred shouted at us. "He might have a head injury....a concussion...or hurt his back or spine or something..." Fred remarked as Eddie refrained from helping me. Panic rose up in me in hearing this.

"What happened?" I asked them and Eddie gestured towards the toilet.

"I don't know...you came in here to use the john and I heard something and came in and found you on the floor...you were out!" Eddie was telling me I had passed out. I must have hit my head on something because it hurt and there was blood. I looked at my hand again and groaned.

"Here...I'll clean your hand up..." Fred told me as he grabbed my hand and used a towel to wipe the blood away..." he looked me in the eyes; appearing worried. " They called an ambulance...so don't move...alright?" he then said. "Just in case you're really hurt...." I realized that I might be seriously injured and remained laying flat on my back. I know my eyes went wide at the news.

"I'm going to go wait for the ambulance at the door..." Eddie announced. "Hang in there Brian..." He patted my leg and then got up from the floor and smiled at me, He left the bathroom. Fred took hold of my hand and gave me an encouraging look.

"You're going to be okay Brian...the ambulance should be here any minute..." he said in a gentle voice. The reality of the situation hit me and I began to get emotional. The last time I had been in an ambulance was when I was taken off the plane in London and was put in hospital for weeks. I almost died. The panic I already felt escalated as the memories and feelings of that time flooded back to me. I began to cry and felt overwhelmed with a sense of dread. I was going to go to the hospital and something could be horribly wrong with me.

"I want Roger..." I suddenly blurted out and tears spilled from my eyes as my mouth trembled and I felt really nauseous. My head was throbbing and I really thought I might pass out again. The thought of it freaked me out. What if I pass out and have a concussion and never wake up?

"Brian...you know Roger isn't here...do you want me to try and call someone else?" Fred asked me as there was commotion in the hallway. Eddie reappeared in the doorway.

"Ambulance is here..." he announced and then got out of the way as Fred looked at me intently.

"Brian...who can I call?" he asked me. Tears streamed down my face. I only wanted Roger. I just wanted to see my husband as he knew how to comfort me. What if I die and I never see him again? What if I never see my kids again? I shook my head as two men in uniform appeared in the doorway.

"I want Roger..." I repeated in a somewhat slurred voice. "My kids..." I groaned and felt overwhelmed by the emotion taking me over. I closed my eyes to shut it out.

"Don't close your eyes...hey...look at me..." I heard a voice tell me. I kept my eyes opened and shifted them to see one of the ambulance men leaning over me. "You're Brian...right?" the man asked me in a soft voice. I went to nod my head but it really hurt.

"Yeah..." I mumbled to him and he smiled at me. I tried to sniff because I'd been crying and my nose was running. It hurt to move my head and it made my panic go up again. "Hurts..." I said in an anxious voice.

"Tell me what hurts..." he asked me.

"Head..." I answered and wanted to close my eyes to block out the pain and the panic. "Need Roger..." I managed to say and tried to look at Fred for help.

"Who is Roger?" the man asked me.

"Husband..." I groaned and closed my eyes. I couldn't keep them open anymore.

"Brian?"

---------------------------------
Fred Mandel's POV

I felt a wave of panic when Brian told the EMT that Roger was his husband. That is not public information and I know he would never tell a soul that if he wasn't drunk and injured right now. Without thinking I kind of had a nervous laugh. I was anxious and didn't know what to do.

"Husband?" Eddie asked me and looked confused. "Why would he call his drummer his husband?" he questioned. I purposely laughed again.

"It's an band old joke they have..." I said back quickly and focused my attention on the EMT and Brian to avoid any other questions. Eddie shrugged at my explanation and resumed his watch over our friend and I was relieved he didn't ask anything else.

"Brian?" the EMT asked him as Brian started closing his eyes again. "Stay with me Brian...I need you to stay awake..." the man said to him as he patted his cheeks. The other EMT was pulling out a neck brace and the two men quickly worked to get it on him. Eddie and I took a few steps back to let the men do their thing. It was a huge bathroom and luckily there was ample room to work on him.

They got Brian awake again and the EMT began checking him over once they had the neck brace on him. Eddie had told them what happened when they arrived so they had few questions for us and were asking Brian the questions. I knew they wanted to see if he was disoriented or confused.

"Can you tell me where you are?" the EMT asked Brian next. Brian blinked and seemed to think about it. He did look confused but I know he is pretty drunk.

"Eddie's..." he finally said in a somewhat slurred voice. One of the EMT's looked up at me.

"Do you know how much he had to drink?" he asked. "Any drugs?" he added.

"No drugs...Brian never touches drugs...." I assured him.

"He had a few beers and about 2/3 of a bottle of Bourbon..." Eddie told the men. "He was pretty wasted before he went into the bathroom..."

"Jesus!" I said to Eddie in shock. "Brian never drinks that much!" I informed him. Eddie looked remorseful.

"Sorry...I didn't know..." Eddie replied and looked at Brian with increased concern.

"We definitely need to take him in and figure out how much of this is alcohol and what is possibly related to him hitting his head..." one of the EMTs announced. The other EMT was examining Brian's cut and dabbed it with some gauze. "We need some room to move him onto the gurney..." the EMT told us. We both nodded understanding and walked to leave the bathroom.

"Okay...what hospital are you taking him to?" I asked as we stepped out.

"Sherman Oaks..." he replied. I knew I needed to call someone about Brian. He said he was staying at the home he had in L.A. but I didn't know exactly where that was or the phone number. I knew it was a private number and wouldn't be listed. Shit! I knew I had to call home and ask Lisa to get Freddie's or John's number so I could get a hold of Roger.

"I've got to call home and get a phone number to contact Brian's family..." I told Eddie. He nodded agreement.

"Okay...there is a phone in my bedroom over there..." he instructed. I rushed to his bedroom and picked up the phone. I was sobering up fast and knew this was going to be one of many phone calls in the course of this night. I sat on the bed and sighed as I picked up the phone. As I went to dial home Eddie walked in and looked flustered.

"I almost forgot!" he announced as he walked over to the nightstand. "Brian gave me his house number here in L.A. ..." he informed me as he opened his drawer and fished around for it.

"Good!" I told him and he handed me a slip of paper. I was relieved to see this and dialed the phone number.

---21st February 1983---

Saint Moritz - Switzerland

Roger's POV

"I'm going to change for the slopes..." Dom told me as she got up from the dining table and smiled at me as she disappeared into her bedroom. I lit a cigarette and leaned back in my seat. I was full from our late breakfast and looked at my watch. It was just after 11. We had been up late last night with her friends talking about the nuclear power and weapons issues in the UK and Europe. I was fascinated by their knowledge on the subject and learned a lot as we enjoyed some wine and conversation. Dom knows so many interesting people and I have enjoyed the adult time I've spent with them. When I woke up this morning I did find myself missing my kids and missing Brian. I got up from the table and stretched. I was a bit sore from skiing the previous day. I walked towards my bedroom to get dressed when the telephone rang. I went over to answer it.

"Hello..."

"Roger! Thank god I got you!" It was Clare and she sounded exasperated. I was curious what she was calling for.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"It's Brian..." she responded. My stomach dropped at her weighted tone and I was terrified she was going to tell me he had hurt himself again. I had to sit down on the sofa by the table. "He had an accident and hit his head and is in the hospital..." she advised me. "He's awake but he is freaking out and keeps asking for you..." she told me. "Can you try and talk to him and calm him down?" she asked me next. I felt guilty at not being there and worried for his state of mind. At least it was an accident but I was concerned he might be seriously injured.

"Yes...put him on the phone!" I told her in an anxious voice.

"Okay..." she responded. "He needs to get a head scan, but he refuses to have one until you get here..." she explained to me. "Can you tell him to let them do it?" I nodded and ran my hand over my face; trying to remain calm at hearing this. I know he doesn't like being in the hospital after everything that happened to him.

"I will...put him on..." I told her; just wanting to hear his voice and know he was okay and to calm him down. I heard some noise in the background and then I heard Brian's voice.

"Rog?" he said in the phone and sounded frightened. My heart instantly clenched hearing it.

"Yes...it's me...are you okay babe?" I asked him and felt myself getting a bit emotional.

"I hit my head..." he told me and sounded muddled. I could then hear him start crying. "Can you come?" he asked me in a shaky voice. "I'm scared..." my big man sounded so small and I thought I might cry. I kept hold of my emotions as I answered.

"I will be on the next plane out...alright?" I replied gently. "I will be there as soon as I can...but please do whatever the doctor asks you...okay?" I requested. "If you need a scan...I need you to do it for me...alright?" I said to him tenderly as I got up from the sofa and begin trying to figure out how I could get to L.A. My head swimming at the thought of the journey ahead of me.

"I don't want to..." Brian told me. "Want you here..." he said in an emotional voice. I know he is scared and I wished like hell I was there. Shit!

"I will be there as soon as possible Bri...but I'm in Switzerland and it takes a bit of time to get to L.A. ..." I reminded him in a gentle voice. "You can't wait on me to get the scan...so please just let them take you down and do it....for me...okay?" I asked him in a pleading voice. "I need to know when I call to check in during my travel that you are okay..." I explained.

"Okay..." he told me and I felt relieved he would agree to be scanned.

"You're going to be fine...I promise..." I said to reassure him. "I need you to get ready for your scan and I am going to catch a flight out...." I explained to him. "Promise me you will get your scan and then try and rest while you wait for me..." I asked him.

"Okay...I promise..." he agreed. I was relieved that he seemed a bit calmer.

"I will check in between flights okay...let me talk to Clare so I can get the phone number..." I asked him.

"Okay..." he repeated.

"I love you Bri and you are going to be alright...just let Clare hold your hand and I will be there as soon as I can..." I said again.

"I love you too..." he told me and sounded a bit more solid.

"Hey Rog..." It was Clare again. I quickly told her I would get the first flight out and grabbed a pen and paper and got the hospital information. I promised to call in between flights. I got off the phone and walked briskly to Dom's room to let her know what was going on. I saw her door was open. I peaked in and found her seated on her bed and on her telephone. She looked up at me and made a gesture referencing flying.

"Yes...I need two seats to get to L.A. as quickly as possible...it's a family emergency" she was telling someone on the phone. She smiled at me and I realized she had heard my conversation and was already calling for a flight. Thank god!

---Brian's POV---

"Now the scan will only take about 15 minutes...and we are going to inject some dye into your system so we can get some contrast on the images..." the doctor explained to me as he held up a syringe. I already had an IV to get fluids and sober up and they had given me a mild sedative since they said I needed to calm down. They put the IV in during my ambulance ride here. I was trying to focus on the doctors words but my head still hurt and I was a bit woozy from the sedative. And I wanted Roger.

"Have you ever had a CT scan before Brian?" the doctor asked me. I didn't recall from my previous medical treatments. I might have been unconscious if I did have one.

"No..." I answered. He placed the needle against the cartridge on my IV line and began to inject the dye.

"You might feel a burning sensation in your arm from the chemical...it only lasts a minute or so..." he explained to me. There was a flash of heat searing up my arm and I hissed at the feeling. I reached over with my free hand to try and rub it away. I felt a bit flush all over as it spread into my system. My mouth felt funny and a weird taste developed as I licked my lips. The doctor was looking at me. "Sometimes people get a metallic taste in their mouths..." he commented. I nodded agreement as the horrid taste made me gag a little.

"We're going to take him in and should be back in about a half hour..." he told Clare. She smiled and leaned down and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"You'll be okay Bri...just relax..." she told me. I tried to smile but my face felt numb. I feel really weird. The gurney I was on began to move and they were pushing me out of the exam room I was in. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore some mild nausea from the movement. I tried to think about something pleasant but the movement and noises around me wouldn't let me focus. I was suddenly in a quieter place and opened my eyes to see I was in a room with a large machine in the middle.

"This is Brian May...head CT..." I heard the porter tell the man seated at a console. The man stood up and walked over to me. He picked up my chart and read over it and then smiled at me.

"Hi Mr. May...my name is Dennis and we're going to move you onto the table over here and get you started..." he explained to me as my gurney was positioned next to the table. I felt the men lift me up to move me over. My blanket fell away and I shivered from the cold air. I only had on a hospital gown and my legs were bare. "Sorry about that..." Dennis said as he placed my blanket back over me. He looked down at me with a serene smile. "You need to relax while we do the scan..." he explained. "When the machine is on...you cannot move your body..." he instructed. "Are you prone to anxiety or are you feeling anxious about this?" he asked me. I nodded my head and he patted my arm.

"Yes..." I replied. "Scared..." I confessed. I saw the other man come over carrying another blanket and he placed it over my body. I did feel warmer which was nice. It helped me relax a bit more. The man patted my arm again and smiled warmly at me.

"Let's get this done before your sedative and your dye wears off.." he suggested. The men positioned me on the table and gently placed my head in a plastic frame. The sides held my head still as the table began moving into the scanner. Once I was in place I was instructed to remain still. I practically held my breath as the machine began working. It was noisy and made odd sounds. After a few minutes it was over. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be and I was relieved when the noise stopped. I was soon being slid back onto my gurney and the porter was taking me back to my room. I relaxed and felt like maybe the worst was over.

I was being helped onto my bed in the exam room when the doctor walked back in. His demeanor seemed different for some reason and he walked up towards me as he grabbed some gloves from the counter.

"While I wait on your scan I am going to put a few stitches in that cut..." he announced. "In light of some information I received from the ambulance men I need to ask you a very personal question Mr. May..." the doctor told me as he looked at me intently. He cleared his throat and glanced over at Clare. I wondered what was going on. "Maybe you prefer to answer this question in private..." he remarked and looked at Clare again.

"You can go ahead...I don't keep secrets from her..." I said. The doctor seemed to hesitate and then looked me in the eye as he put on his gloves.

"Alright..." he said. "Mr. May...I need to know if you are a homosexual..." he asked me in a direct manner. I felt a shockwave pour through me and wondered how he had determined this. I immediately shook my head at him. Feeling dizzy from the movement and feeling anxious about his question.

"What?" I stated and looked over at Clare. She seemed a bit nervous but then questioned the doctor.

"I think there must be some kind of misunderstanding..." Clare answered. "Brian is my boyfriend..." she explained. The doctor looked back at me and cleared his throat again.

"Look...I'm not here to judge and I personally don't care about your sex life...but from a medical point of view...well...I need to know if you are.." he seemed to hesitate with his words. "In case you might be infected..." he finally blurted out.

"Infected?" Clare asked him. As muddled as my head was right now I instantly knew what he was referring to and my body filled with a sense of dread.

"I don't have AIDS..." I informed the doctor. Clare had a baffled expression. I realized we had never told her about the articles we saw about the disease affecting homosexuals. We had yet to see any in the English newspapers so she wouldn't have known about it.

"How can you know that for certain?" the doctor questioned as he remained standing and staring at me. "I need you to be honest with me...and this is confidential...but I need to know if you are a sexually active with other men...." he repeated. I felt panic rising inside me as I considered his words. How did I know for certain I didn't have it?

"Okay..." I finally said to him. "I am..." I confirmed to him. Clare looked aghast at my revelation to the doctor.

"It's okay..." I said to Clare and then turned back to the doctor. "Look...I've been with one partner for more than 10 years..." I argued. The doctor remained stern looking.

"Can you assure me that neither you nor your partner has had any other sexual encounters with another man during that time?" he questioned. "I know who you are Mr. May...what profession you are in..." I felt his judgement as he glared at me. I could see he was certain this was the case since he knew I was in a music group. And I hated that he might be right. My mind drifted back to Roger's one time infidelity with a male stranger all those years ago. I also recalled the night we were drugged. I had no idea who we actually had sex with. Male or female? Or both?

"No...I can't..." I said in surrender. The doctor looked over at Clare with sympathy as he opened a cabinet in the room and pulled out a thick plastic gown. Clare and I watched him put the covering over his clothes and he then got a pair of oversized clear eyeglasses from a drawer. He put it on and then grabbed several pair of gloves. The doctor had on three pairs before he turned back to face me. I swallowed hard at the reality of his fear in treating me. I felt a little ashamed as he began looking closely at my cut and Clare took the seat by the bed and held my hand as I felt him move my hair around and he gingerly touched around my wounded area.

"It quit bleeding..." the doctor remarked. "I don't think I will need to cut or shave your hair...you're lucky..." he told me as he turned and picked up a syringe. "I'm just going to numb the area...I barely put the needle in your skin but please stay still..." the doctor advised. I held my breath and felt the prick of the needle on my delicate scalp and closed my eyes; wishing I had never accepted that bottle of bourbon from Eddie and wishing like hell Roger was here.

The doctor put in four stitches and cleaned up the area on my head. He worked in silence and when finished he began peeling off his layers of protective gear. He placed them and the bloodied materials in a plastic bag and sealed it up.

"I'll be back once I know the scan results..." The doctor left the room with the bag and Clare immediately gave me a look of deep concern.

"Brian...what was he talking about?" Clare asked and kept hold of my hand. I hated that this was the way she was going to hear about this.

"We've seen some newspaper articles in the American papers about a new disease that they are linking primarily to gay men..." I advised and her eyes grew worried as she listened. "All I could find that they know so far is that it seems to be sexually transmitted and they have determined that it can be in your blood..." I gingerly touched my stitched up cut. The numbness was starting to wear off.

"So that is why he was asking you those questions and that is why he put on all those things..." Clare remarked to me. I nodded at her. "Brian....you were asking for Rog and you referred to him as your husband when you were brought in..." Clare announced. "Fred told me before he left..." she revealed. "That must be what the doctor heard from the ambulance men and why he asked you if you were gay...." she surmised. I didn't really remember calling him my husband and knew I was still pretty drunk when I arrived. The IV fluids and dealing with tests and the doctors questions had really sobered me up. Now my anxiety over this entire situation was growing.

"I'm sorry Clare..." I told her. "I shouldn't have drank so much...." I said. The room door opened and a nurse came in with a wary expression. She had on plastic covering over her clothes and already had on gloves. She didn't come near me.

"The doctor has indicated he wants you to stay overnight for observation...to make sure you don't have a concussion..." she advised us. "We will be moving you to a regular room shortly..." she turned and left the room and I knew from her attire and her behavior the doctor had told her about me. I suddenly felt like I had leprosy or something. I didn't want to stay here and be treated like this. I sat up and turned to get off the exam bed.

"What are you doing?" Clare asked me as I pushed myself off the bed and then leaned against it for a moment to get my bearings.

"I'm not staying..." I told her and gestured at the small corner table where my clothes and shoes were piled. "Give me my clothes...I'm getting out of here..."

---Roger's POV---

"Thanks for doing this...you've been good company for me..." I told Dom as we walked through LAX airport after our long plane journey. She had managed to find a direct flight from Zurich to New York with a short layover before we boarded this flight out west. Dom smiled as she reached for her sunglasses in her large handbag.

"I was happy to come with you..." she told me and smiled. We were heading for the area where you could arrange for a car and I heard the sound of a high speed camera. I looked around and saw a photographer snapping pictures of us. I had to remember this is Los Angeles and the press stake out the airport. I didn't want to deal with this right now. Between the reason I was here and being really tired, I was instantly irritated.

"Shit!" I said under my breath. I felt Dom wrap her arm around mine and lean into me as we walked.

"Let's just give them what they want..." she remarked. She was well aware of how discreet I try to be due to my family situation. I appreciated her giving the press an image of us traveling together and appearing to be a couple. We ignored the photographer and went and hired a limo. I found a payphone and called the number Clare gave me for the hospital.

"Sherman Oaks Medical Center...how may I direct your call?"

"I need the room for a patient...Brian May please..." I asked her.

"One moment..." she advised and I was put on hold. Dominique lit a cigarette as she waited on me. It made me want one as well.

"I'm sorry sir...the patient has checked out..." I was taken aback by this information.

"Are you sure?" I asked. Wondering if it was a mistake.

"Yes...." she confirmed. "I see a note that he left against medical advice..." My mouth dropped at the news.

"Thank you..." I said and hung up the pay phone. Dom was giving me a curious look. I reached over and took her cigarette from her hand and took a long drag.

"What is it?" Dom asked me. I handed her the cigarette and slid my hand into my jacket and rubbed my shoulder.

"He checked himself out!"

-----------------------------

"Are you sure it's okay that I stay here?" Dom asked as the limo neared our Los Angeles house. I was sure. She had been kind enough to accompany me on this arduous trip and abandoned her friends to do so.

"Yes...I'm sure..." I replied. "We've got a couple of extra rooms for guests...for family...friends..." I pointed out. Dom smiled at me.

"Friends?" she questioned. I smiled at her. She had become a friend to me. A good one.

"Friends..." I confirmed.

The limo arrived and we got out and the driver helped me collect our luggage. I was anxious to see Brian and opened the door.

"Hello?" I called out. No one answered but I heard the television and knew they were here. The car was in the drive. The driver set the luggage in the foyer as Mia came walking in from the living area.

"Roger!" she said and then stopped when she saw Dom. She eyed her with a mix of curiosity and suspicion.

"Mia...this is Dominique Beyrand....my publicist and friend..." I explained. Mia seemed to relax hearing this. She walked up and extended her hand to her. Dom smiled and shook her hand.

"It's nice to meet you Mia...Roger has said great things about you..." Dom told her.

"Thanks..." Mia responded. "Sorry...I'm just a bid on edge..." Mia told her and then glanced my way. "He's in the bedroom..." Mia informed me. I nodded understanding.

"Mia...could you show Dom one of the guest rooms while I go see Brian?" I asked her.

"Of course..." Mia replied and smiled. "Are you hungry? Can I get you something to drink?" Mia asked her politely as I rushed up the stairs to find my husband. I arrived at the double doors and pushed it open. I found Clare seated in a chair that had been moved up near the head of the bed. She looked up at me and appeared tired and stressed. She looked relieved to see me as she stood up from the chair..

"Brian..." I said quietly as I stepped in the room and closed the door. I saw the outline of my husband in the bed; with the comforter pulled up to his chin. A mass of curls on the pillows was I all I could see until I got around to other side of the bed. He began to shift under the blankets and I finally saw his face as he sat up. He looked terrible. His hair was disheveled and he was pale. I was prepared to scold him about leaving the hospital but my heart didn't have it in me as I watched him burst into tears at the sight of me.

"Roggie!" he cried out and I went over as Clare moved the chair. I sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled him into my arms. He was sobbing and I held him tight and stroked his tangled hair.

"I'm here babe..." I told him in a whisper and pressed a kiss to his head as he shuddered in my arms. "I'm here...."

Chapter Text

24th February 1983

Los Angeles CA

Roger's POV

The doctor from the hospital called and advised his head scan was clear. He may have not injured his brain but something seemed broken. I finally got him calmed down and he went to sleep after being up to make sure he didn't have a concussion. When I was sure he was out I closed the bedroom door behind me. I headed downstairs and found everyone but Clare at the kitchen table eating lunch. When the kids saw me they both went to get up from their chairs.

"Papa!" they both shouted and barreled up to me. I squatted down to catch Jimi in a hug and Tiger Lily wrapped her arms around my side.

"Hey...." I told them as I pressed them close and shared a kiss. "Missed you..." I said and got them herded back to their seats. "Finish your lunch..." I encouraged them. They both went to their chairs and I smiled at Dom and Mia.

"How is he?" Dom asked. I ran my hand into my shirt and rubbed my shoulder. Not sure how to answer and not wanting to say a lot in front of the kids.

"He's asleep and the doctor called and said his scan was clear...no damage..." I answered. They both looked relieved. I went to the refrigerator and Mia got up.

"I can make you something to eat...you look tired..." she told me. I was tired and grateful for her offer.

"That would be brilliant....thanks..." I replied. I shuffled over and slumped down in a chair. Dom stood up and walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a container of juice. She poured a glass and brought it to me.

"Thanks..." I said and she smiled as she slid in next to me. She leaned close.

"Is he really okay?" she asked me and I shook my head. Dom is a perceptive person. She patted my shoulder. "If either of you need anything..." she offered. I smiled at her.

"Thanks..." I told her. "For now he needs to rest and I need to eat..." I answered. Mia was making me a sandwich and my stomach growled at the prospect.

As I ate my sandwich and crisps everyone else finished and Mia took the kids out to play in back garden and Dom got up and began cleaning the kitchen.

"You don't have to do that..." I advised her as she started loading the dishwasher.

"I'm happy to help..." she said with a warm smile. It was above and beyond the duties of a public relations agent.

"Be sure and add that to my bill..." I joked and she laughed as she rinsed the lunch dishes. I ate a few crisps and watched her move about the kitchen. It was odd to see her in this role. I was so accustomed to her being in meetings and interviews as a public relations consultant. Not being so domestic. I took the last bite of my sandwich and carried my plate to her. She took it from me and rinsed it as I set my empty glass on the counter.

"I bet a shower would make you feel better..." she commented.

"I was just thinking that..." I replied and patted her arm. "Thanks again for coming and for your help..." I told her.

"Of course..." she said sincerely.

"I'm going to shower and see if Clare is up...I need to know exactly what happened before Brian wakes up..." I announced. "Are you good for now?" I asked her. She nodded.

"Yes...I thought I would go enjoy your little beach out back..." she replied. I was glad she was going to take advantage of our private patch of beach. I headed upstairs and slipped quietly into the bedroom. I peeled off my travel clothes and turned on the shower in our private bathroom. The warm water felt amazing and I realized I was aching from travel and the tension of the past 15 hours. I finished and wrapped up in a towel to go find some fresh clothes.

I found something in the dresser and pulled on one of the track suits Freddie had bought me along with a t-shirt. I stretched as I walked over to check on Brian. He was sound asleep and actually looked peaceful which made me calm. I ran my hand over his hair; hoping to give him comfort even though he was sleeping. My curiosity about what had transpired took over and I left our bedroom to seek out my sister.

------------------------

Clare woke up and had a shower and I brought her a tray with hot tea and a sandwich Mia put together for me. I wanted some privacy to speak with her so I brought it to her room.

"Tell me what happened Clare...because this seems bigger than just him getting too drunk and hitting his head..." I said as I sat on the end of her bed. She sipped her tea and looked as tired as me.

"I got a call around 2 in the morning from Fred Mandel...he said that Brian had drank too much and fell in the bathroom and hit his head...they think on the back of the toilet...and they were taking him to hospital...the ambulance was already there...so I got dressed and told Mia what was going on and then took a taxi to meet them..." Clare explained.

"He was at Eddie's place...right?" I asked and she nodded and took another drink.

"When I got to the emergency room he was already in back and Fred was with him...he already had an IV and that spot on his head had been patched up since it had bled a bit..." Clare smiled a little. "He was still drunk and wouldn't stop asking for you..." she told me. "It was kind of sweet except that I know people were starting to wonder exactly who you were to him..." she commented.

"Did they recognize him?" I questioned. I wondered if they knew who he is. She nodded.

"Yes..." she confirmed. "He sobered up from the IV but was still being stubborn about getting his scan...and that is when I called you for help..." Clare remarked. "Fred had left and once you convinced him to get the scan they took him down..." Clare's face lost its smile. "But when he got back from the scan the doctor came in to see to his scalp cut and that is when the trouble started..."

"What happened?" I asked.

"The doctor point blank asked Brian if he was a homosexual..." she revealed and my eyes grew wide. Where did this come from?

"Why did he ask him that?" I questioned.

"I guess he was told by the paramedic that Brian had asked for you and Fred had told me that Brian actually referred to you as his husband when talking about you..." Clare replied. I felt a little panicked hearing this. Worried about who might know now.

"Shit!" I responded. "And the doctor knew who Brian was?" I asked her again and she nodded.

"The doctor didn't say he knew who you were exactly...he just told Brian he knew who he was when he questioned whether he was homosexual and said it was confidential...but he needed to know because Brian was bleeding and the doctor had to treat his cut..." Clare explained.

"Treat his cut?" I asked; unsure of what Brian being gay had to do with him having a cut.

"I guess it had to do with whether Brian might have AIDS..." Clare told me. My heart began pounding when she said this and I wondered what had transpired after he asked. "Brian actually told him he didn't have AIDS before the doctor used that term Roger..." she pointed out. "And don't worry...Brian explained it to me after the doctor left..." she advised. I was relieved I didn't have to go over the whole issue with Clare but felt terrible that Brian had to endure this while he was being treated.

"Did the doctor believe him?" I questioned.

"He asked Brian some really personal questions about his sex life and got Brian believing he couldn't be sure whether he might have it or not...so the doctor put on all this extra safety gear before he would examine Brian's cut and give him stitches..." Clare answered in a subdued voice. I could imagine how seeing the doctor do that made Brian feel.

"Is that why he left the hospital?" I asked.

"He let the doctor stitch his cut and Brian seemed a bit better....then a nurse came in to tell us the doctor wanted him to stay overnight for observation..." Clare said. "That nurse came in already dressed in the extra safety gear and the way she looked at Brian was horrible..." Clare seemed mortified. "She wouldn't come close to him and I know Brian felt like she was judging him..." she explained. "That is when he decided to leave..." I was grateful for the information and smiled at her. She yawned as she drank her tea.

"Thanks Clare...I'll let you get some more rest..." I told her. I got up and walked over and kissed her head. "Are you okay? Besides being tired?" I asked. She nodded to me as she picked up the sandwich.

"I'm alright...I just feel bad for poor Brian...he was in such a state and was doing better before all that AIDS stuff got brought up...." she told me. "I think the doctor could have handled it differently and not upset him the way he did...and that bloody nurse!" Clare grumbled.

"Well he's home and he's safe...and I'll help him sort out the rest..." I assured her. "Thanks for being there for him..."

"Of course..." she said as I headed to her door. "Hey Rog..." Clare said and I stopped and looked at her.

"Yeah?"

"You don't think there is anyway that you or Brian have it....do you?" she asked me in a cautious tone. I had no way of knowing the answer. No one did at this point. There is no test. My gut told me we didn't so I went with it and smiled confidently at her.

"I am pretty sure we don't...and please don't worry about it...alright?" I requested. She nodded to me and took a bite of her sandwich and I left her room hoping my instincts were good.

--------------------------------

I had just finished a cigarette when the telephone rang.

"Hello..."

"Hey...is that you Roger?" they asked. "It's me Fred Mandel..." I was actually glad to hear from him. I thought he could shed some light on what happened to Brian.

"Yes Fred...I got here this morning..." I replied.

"I was calling to see how he's doing...the hospital said Brian had checked out..." Fred explained.

"He did...he's doing okay...his x-ray was clear and he's resting right now..." I told him. "I don't think he has a concussion..."

"That's good news!" Fred said and sound relieved. "I was really worried about him..." he commented. "I'm glad you're here as he was asking for you...I know he really wanted you when he got hurt..."

"About that Fred...." I interjected. "What exactly did happen?" I asked him. Fred proceeded to relay the events of that night and mentioned the excessive drinking and that Eddie had given Brian his own bottle of bourbon to drink. That was pretty potent stuff and I understood now how Brian got so pissed.

"I told Eddie that Brian never drinks like that but he didn't know and Brian took the bottle when he offered it...sorry about the mess it caused..." Fred told me with a sense of remorse. I considered this Brian and Eddie's fault, not his.

"Well we both know Brian was probably too polite to turn Eddie down..." I said to make Fred feel better. "I appreciate you looking out for him Fred...I mean it..." I conveyed.

"Of course...hey...let Brian know I'm sorry and to give me a call when he's feeling better..." Fred replied. "I'll let Eddie know how he's doing...take care Rog..."

"I'll let Brian know...thanks for calling..." I said and hung up. I now knew what I was dealing with and headed upstairs to wait for Brian to wake up.

Brian finally woke an hour later. I got him up and in the shower to freshen up. After checking his head where his stitches were and telling him not get his hair wet I went and found him some clean clothes to change into when he finished. After brushing his teeth and drinking a glass of water we took a seat on the sofa in our sitting area in the bedroom. Despite some sleep and cleaning up Brian still looked fragile and he practically crawled into my lap. I wrapped my arms around him and stroked his hair.

"I know what happened at Eddie's and Clare told me what happened with the doctor at the hospital..." I told Brian. "I'm annoyed at you for drinking so much but I'm more sorry about what that doctor put you through..." I said and Brian looked tearful again. He sniffled a bit and then looked me in the eye.

"He thought I had AIDS!" Brian said in a trembling voice. I pressed him closer and kissed his forehead.

"But you don't have it Bri..." I replied instantly. "You don't have AIDS..." Brian pulled back and gave me an objecting glare.

"You don't know that for certain Rog!" he argued. I stroked his hair as I considered how to respond to him. To tell him something I hadn't mentioned to him yet.

"I've read everything I can get my hands on about it..." I confessed and Brian's eyes grew wide hearing it.

"You have?" he questioned and looked intrigued. I nodded.

"Yes...at first I didn't think much of what we had seen...but after Freddie said he knew that man in England who died I got concerned...so I've been looking into it..." I explained. "And there isn't a diagnostic test yet but there are screening questions that give you an idea of the likelihood you might have it..." I told him. "And based on those questions I feel we probably don't have it Brian...so I need you to not worry about it....alright?" I requested.

"But you can't say for certain we don't..." Brian continued to counter and I tried to hold my frustration at his insistence that he might have it. That I might have it. His face got emotional again and his eyes wet as he looked at me with complete anguish. "What if I gave it to Clare?" he whispered with fear in his voice. "Jimi...." he said as he folded himself into me. I held him tight and tried to figure out how to quell his growing paranoia about this. I wanted to kill that doctor for planting this seed in my husband's head.

"Brian...I need you to trust me when I say that you don't have AIDS...and neither do I..." I repeated and rocked him gently as he gripped me. "Clare is fine and Jimi is fine and we are both okay..." I repeated to him and let him cling to me as I worked to convince him. We sat on the sofa as he cried softly and he eventually fell asleep again. I sat and held his head in my lap and wished I had never encouraged him to come out here without me. Wished I hadn't insisted on working on my album right now. My own fatigue was setting in and I felt myself starting to nod off when there was a knock on the bedroom door. I gently laid Brian's head down and slid off the sofa and went to the door. I opened it to find Clare standing there.

"I didn't want to bother you but Eddie Van Halen is here..." Clare announced. In hearing this I found myself wide awake and followed her downstairs to get my chance to take out some of my frustration on a guilty party. I arrived in the study to find Eddie sitting there holding a gift bag and looking remorseful.

"Oh hey! It's Roger...right?" Eddie said and stood and reached out his hand to me. "We met backstage at the Forum a while back..." he reminded me. I shook his hand but my anger towards him was growing as he smiled at me.

"Hi Eddie...yes...I remember..." I concurred.

"So I came by to see how Brian is doing...I feel terrible about him hurting himself at my party and wanted to make sure he is okay..." he explained sincerely and held up the gift bag. "I brought him some chocolates...he told me he really likes them..." he said and seemed like an oversized kid. I had to remind myself he is quite a bit younger than Brian. Probably less mature. It made me realize that I couldn't get too upset with him. I wasn't much better at his age.

"Brian is resting upstairs right now and I don't really want to disturb him..." I explained. "His x-ray was clear and he doesn't seem to have a concussion...just the cut on his head which was stitched and a hard lesson in drinking too much..." I replied with a light smile. Eddie chortled in response and then seemed remorseful.

"Sorry..." he said.

"No it's okay..." I assured him. "I'm sure Brian will laugh about this someday..." I said. "He'll be fine..." Eddie relaxed a little. His smile returned as he looked at me.

"Speaking of laughing..." Eddie remarked. "I thought is was pretty funny when Fred told me that Brian calls you his husband..." he told me. "Is that because you spend so much time together?" Eddie questioned with a mix of mirth and curiosity. I wondered how to answer him. I know Brian really admires Eddie and likes spending time with him. I also know that hiding our relationship takes a lot of work and if someone is a good friend they should care about Brian's true self.

"We do spend a lot of time together..." I confirmed to Eddie and he kept smiling at me. "In fact we live together..." I said to test the waters and watched his face for any recognition of what I meant. He seemed oblivious.

"Oh right...because Brian dates your sister...and they have a kid..." Eddie remarked back to me.

"To be completely frank with you Eddie...Brian lives with me...not my sister..." I clarified. As Eddie was processing my statement the door to the study opened and Tiger Lily came inside. She walked towards me and looked curious about our visitor.

"Hey Tiger!" I said as she approached and eyed Eddie. I gestured towards him. "Eddie I'd like you to meet my daughter....Tiger Lily..." I said and he smiled widely at her. He reached out his hand to her.

"Hi Tiger Lily!" he said in a friendly voice. "That's a pretty name..." he told her. "You sure look just like your Daddy..." he commented as Tigs politely shook his hand. Tiger Lily got that look on her face that told me she was going to say something about his remark.

"I look like my Papa..." she informed him politely and looked up at me with adoring eyes.

"Oh...she calls you Papa...that's sweet..." Eddie remarked. I smiled at him.

"Yes..." I confirmed and Tigs leaned into my side.

"When can I see Daddy?" she asked me. I noted a look of confusion on Eddie's face.

"He's sleeping right now...when he gets up you can go in to see him..." I told her. "Maybe in an hour..." I estimated. "I need to speak with Eddie alone so could you please give us some privacy?" I asked her. She nodded and began walking from the room.

"It was nice to meet you..." she told Eddie politely and he waved to her as she disappeared. When she closed the door he turned to look at me and I knew he had questions.

"I'm confused..." he said as I expected. "You said you were her father but she just asked about her father and you said he was asleep..." he mumbled as he tried to figure it out. I pulled my cigarettes from my pocket and placed one between my lips. I held the pack out to Eddie.

"Care for a smoke?" I asked him and he readily took it. I lit our cigarettes and then I took a seat in the chair next to his. "Eddie..." I began as I exhaled my first drag. "Tiger Lily was asking about Brian....because she calls him Father...." I explained. Eddie formed a smirk as he held his cigarette.

"You've got a lot of nicknames in this family..." he said with amusement. "Husband...Papa...Father..." he pointed out.

"Just to clear up the confusion..." I stated. "Brian is my husband and Tiger Lily's Father..." I announced. "Brian and I have been romantically involved since before Queen was formed and we are raising my daughter together..." I said as casually as I could muster. I had to admit it was amusing to watch the wheels spin in Eddie's head as he absorbed what I had revealed to him. His face didn't register disgust; which was a relief. He just seemed frozen as he processed the news.

"Wait!" he finally stated and looked me in the eye. He pointed at me with his fingers clutching his cigarette as the lightbulb went off in his head. "Are you telling me you're gay?" he asked me. I smiled at him as I leaned over and tapped my cigarette in the ashtray.

"I believe that's the common American term..." I replied casually. "Queer, poof..." I began to say and Eddie cut me off.

"Queen!" he declared. "Shit!" he said at the realization of the band name. He laughed as he looked at me. His expression only showing amusement. "Well fuck me!" he said as he laughed again. "I thought Freddie was the gay one and that is why you're called Queen?" he questioned as he tapped his cigarette and looked blown away by the revelation. At least he wasn't glaring at me or being judgmental. He just seemed floored by it all.

"Well...Freddie does like men..." I confirmed and winked at him. "I just like Brian..." I stated and Eddie laughed again.

"So...you're not kidding right?" he asked me. " You and Brian are really a couple?" he asked as he worked on his cigarette. He just seemed intrigued and not put off by it. I was glad.

"In all seriousness...yes..." I confirmed. "And I'm telling you because Brian really likes you Eddie and thinks you're a fine guitarist..." I explained. "And he was pretty shook up about what happened to him...and that is why he was asking for me..." I revealed. "He's had some traumatic experiences in hospital and when they said he had to go to one he freaked out..." Eddie looked sympathetic hearing this.

"I'm really sorry about the bourbon I gave him...I didn't know he usually doesn't party like that...Fred told me later and I felt terrible..." Eddie said and I reached over and patted his arm.

"Brian was being polite and should have known when to quit...." I offered to him as a salve. "Just give him a beer next time..." I suggested. "Or a vodka tonic..." Eddie smiled in relief.

"I'll remember that..." he said and formed a curious expression as he looked at me. "I have to say that I had no idea about you two..." he confessed. "You hide it well..." he remarked as he took a drag. He suddenly got a massive grin on his face as he smashed the cigarette in the ashtray and laughed out loud.

"What?" I asked him; curious what was so amusing.

"You're the hot blond!" he said with delight and chuckled at me. "That night when that groupie tried to go home with Brian after my concert...he said he had a hot blond waiting for him at home!" he remarked with a gleam in his eye.

"Did he now?" I said back and felt a bit smug at the reference Brian made about me. Eddie leaned closer and winked at me.

"I have to admit...for a guy...you're pretty good looking..." he said and seemed a bit bashful.

"My husband has good taste...." I retorted and Eddie chuckled again.

----------------------------------

Eddie left and promised to stop by again tomorrow when Brian would be up for a visit. He was already coming up with ways to tease Brian about his 'hot blond husband.' It was nice to see him be accepting of our relationship and want to continue his friendship with my husband.

I worried about Brian's state of mind and found myself dialing our counselor's phone number back in London for some advice. Unfortunately I only got Mack's answering machine and left a message with our phone number here and to call collect. I fell asleep on the sofa in the study and woke from a gentle nudge.

"Here you are!" Dom said as she stood over me. "Brian's awake again and is having some food in the kitchen...he came down and said he was hungry..." she advised. I got up from the sofa and stretched a little.

"That's good..." I said and followed her out to see him. He looked better despite his lopsided hair. Tiger Lily was seated next to him and was trying to fix his smashed curls. I could see she was wanting to make him feel better.

"Hey!" I said as I came in and he looked up and smiled at me.

"Hi Rog..." he said as he finished his bite of sandwich.

"Better?" I asked him and he nodded.

"Better..." he replied and took another bite.

----------------------------

26th February 1983

We decided to go back to London in a few days and I called and got Brian an appointment with Dr. Roberts. I was hoping he could give Brian some reassurance about his AIDS concerns. I also left another message for Mack as he hadn't returned my phone call.

I walked out of the study to find Dom coming in the front door. She was carrying a large bakery box and a stack of newspapers and magazines. I came over and helped her by taking the box.

"Thanks..." she said and followed me to the kitchen. "I'm playing catch up on what is happening in the world of entertainment..." she remarked as she poured herself some coffee and sat down in front of her stack of periodicals. I guess being in public relations involved staying up to date on everything going on. She opened the bakery box and pulled out a cherry danish. I grabbed a coffee for myself and joined her as she paged through Variety. The sounds of guitars filled the room and I grinned at her.

"Eddie came over with his guitar..." I remarked and Dom grinned as she took a bite of danish.

"I'm glad Brian is feeling better..." she told me as she turned the page. I grabbed the copy of a local newspaper and opened it up. I put my glasses on and Dom smirked at me. I ignored it and began looking for any new articles about AIDS. Jimi came in and walked over to me.

"Papa...can I have one?" he asked as he pointed to the bakery box. Dom smiled at him.

"There's some doughnuts...help yourself..." she told him. I moved the box over and he grabbed a jelly filled one.

"Thanks..." he said and took a bite as he disappeared into the living room. Dom watched him leave and wore a bright smile.

"Your kids are really sweet..." she remarked to me. "It's been fun to be around them..."

"They're good kids..." I agreed. Dom took another newspaper as I flipped through mine and grabbed a chocolate covered doughnut for myself. We sat and ate and looked over the pages in silence.

"Merde!" Dom suddenly declared in French. I had grown used to her cursing in her native language. I looked over and found her staring at a page and leaned closer.

"What is it?" I asked. She pointed to a section titled 'The Daily Buzz.' It appeared to be a gossip column.

"L.A. is certainly the place to see famous music stars and this writer heard that our own local boy, Eddie Van Halen, was seen working in the studio with fellow guitarist and Queen band member Brian May this past week. Word on the street is that it was just for fun and that certainly carried over into the night as Eddie threw a raucous party at his home which resulted in a visit from an ambulance. Rumor has it the patient was Brian May and he was transported to a nearby hospital with a possible concussion!" Dom read out loud.

"How did they hear about this?" I asked and she shook her head as she looked over the page.

"Someone at the hospital or ambulance service probably leaked the story..." she remarked.

"So much for confidentiality..." I grumbled. "I hope they don't tell anyone what else they might have learned about Brian..." I said to her and we shared a worried look between us. Suddenly concerned that someone might talk about us publicly.

"I'll keep reading..." she said and I found myself looking for more than AIDS articles as we tore through the news.

-------------------------------

We decided to have a cookout on the beach that night and I lit the grill on the back patio. Brian and I cooked some steaks and grilled some shrimp. We felt terribly American and it was a nice distraction from the events of the past few days. Clare had turned the radio on and her, Mia and Dom were up dancing at the edge of the beach. Tiger Lily soon joined them but Jimi remained seated next to us. We men stuck together. Duran Duran's 'Hungry Like The Wolf' was playing. Dom came up to us and grinned at me.

"You know that band has a good looking drummer named Roger Taylor..." she announced. I had heard this from a few people.

"And how is that my problem?" I questioned as she took a seat next to Jimi.

"Just might cause some confusion..." she advised me as Brian handed her a fresh beer.

"I plan on keeping it clear that I am the only Roger Taylor worth knowing..." I replied. "I would hope as my public relations person you would help me achieve that..." I said wearing a playful grin.

"Understood..." she said and saluted me like I had issued an order. We both grinned as she sipped her beer. The song ended and something I had never heard came on after it. It was terrible and I wondered how it managed to get airplay.

"What is that crap?" I asked out loud. Brian grimaced hearing it and I looked at Dom to see if she knew. Being all knowing about the music business. She rolled her eyes.

"It's Pia Zadora...." she announced. "She's an actress who is trying to develop a music career..." she advised. "It's a cover of 'The Clapping Song.' It was minor hit in the 60's..." Dom added. I made a scoffing sound.

"More like 'The Crapping Song'..." I remarked and Jimi giggled at me. "Why would the radio play that horrid song?" I questioned. Dom shrugged and smiled at Jimi's amusement.

"Radio Ca Ca!" Jimi declared. Dom started laughing and I wondered where he had heard the term 'ca ca.'

"Good one Jimi!" Dom said to him as she ruffled his hair.

"Did you teach him that?" I asked her.

"Oui..." Dom replied in French and her and Jimi shared a knowing look between them.

"Oui.." Jimi repeated back to her. Brian seemed dazzled by our son learning another language.

"Impressive..." Brian remarked.

"I thought it might be good for him to learn all the bad words in another language..." Dom said sarcastically. "Since you've already taught him all the words in English..." she said with a derogatory look.

"Well shit smells the same in any language and that song stinks!" I told her and she gave me an endearing look.

"Ca ca!" Jimi shouted and we all fell back in our chairs laughing.

Chapter Text

There is a new point of view in this chapter.

1st March 1983

Los Angeles

Dominic's POV

It was fascinating to watch up close. I didn't care that Roger was involved with another man. These things never mattered to me. But I had never witnessed a relationship like theirs and I found it touching and sweet. Brian seemed fragile and Roger was so attentive and loving with him. And they were both so natural and affectionate with the children. Their children. It is so odd that they have kids. It wasn't something I had ever seen with other gay couples I know. How they managed to have them was something I was intrigued by. What I did know was that their relationship was definitely something to keep private. This becoming public knowledge would certainly damage their careers to the point of no return.

Brian had been quite upset about the article printed about his accident and hospital visit. He worried that the people who had leaked the story had possibly revealed his and Roger's relationship to a reporter. I had scoured the newspapers and magazines and found nothing to indicate that was the case. I also placed a phone call to someone in London who was a trusted source of news and gossip surrounding the music scene in the UK and Europe. If anything was stirring she would know. Patti said she would check into it and to call back in 24 hours. The time had passed and I picked up the phone to call her.

"Patti Dunn..."

"Hi Patti...it's Dominique...I was checking back in with you..."

"Hi Dom! I guess no news is good news...there is nothing in the papers here and I heard from a few sources they were aware of the story about Brian May but it didn't pass muster for any real interest here...so no one printed it..."

"And there was no mention of Roger Taylor?" I questioned.

"No...just the story about Brian... and the usual stuff about Queen in general..."

"Wonderful! Thanks Patti...I will take you to lunch when I get back..."

"I look forward to it...take care..."

"Bye..."

I hung up feeling confident no one had mentioned Brian's remarks to any news reporter. If they had it would be bursting all over the gossip pages by now. I couldn't wait to tell Roger and Brian and switched off the light in the study. It was late and I was certain everyone had gone to bed so I was quiet as I walked down the hall. I noticed a light in the kitchen and heard voices. I went to see who it was and then realized it was Roger and Brian. I prepared to announce myself but stopped and listened to them.

"I called Mum and told her we would be home for Jimi's birthday..." Roger said. "We need to put some plans together for his party..." he told Brian. I peered through the crack of the door and saw Brian leaning against the counter and drinking a glass of water. Roger was next to him and reached over and tugged at one of Brian's low hanging curls. A smile spread across Brian's face at the gesture. "It's a shame Jimi never really got your curls..." Roger commented as he played with the clump of hair.

"You never know...people's hair can change as they get older..." Brian replied and set his glass down and pulled Roger closer to him. "He's got too much Taylor in him..." Brian said and I remembered that Clare is Jimi's mother. I was impressed with how they had managed to create a cover for their relationship and went as far as Brian and Clare having a child to project the idea they are a couple. I would have to ask Roger about that when the opportunity presented itself.

"I guess we need to see if any of Jimi's schoolmates want to come to the party..." Roger remarked as he and Brian remained close to each other. "I'll check with Mia..." he added. Brian nodded as he sipped his water and then Roger took the glass from his hand and had a drink. "I'm going to invite Dom if that's okay with you..." Roger told him. I watched Brian's face and found him considering my invitation. I wondered if he still worried about the events from all those years back when I had asked Roger out. It wasn't a concern. I liked Roger a lot but was happy to just be his friend. I respected the boundary.

"Alright..." Brian answered as he took his glass back and finished the water. Roger smiled at his response. "I'm headed up..." Brian told Roger and I knew I either had to make my presence known or find a way to disappear. I decided to walk in the room.

"I thought I heard voices..." I said casually and they both smiled at my presence. "I just got off a call to London you might find pleasing..." I announced. They both looked interested and I conveyed the news about not finding any chatter about them in the press. Both seem relieved.

"That's a relief!" Brian said and smiled gratefully at me. "Thanks for checking...I appreciate it..." he told me. "I'm off to bed..." he announced and set his glass down.

"Before you go I wanted to say something to you both...as a friend and as someone who deals with pubic relations..." I replied. I had their attention.

"Go on..." Roger encouraged.

"You managed to avoid anything being said this time but the tabloids are getting more aggressive with finding dirt these days....I know you've seen some of the rubbish they print on a daily basis...but my sources tell me they want more information about celebrities and I want to caution you both to be more careful..." I warned. "You want to make sure the public has plenty of information about you both being in relationships with women..." I suggested. "Try and make an effort to be seen separate from each other when possible and with your female companion..." I gave them both a serious expression. "I know you have children but you need to work on presenting the illusion of separate lives and separate families...for your own protection...don't give them anything that would spark an interest in you..." I explained. I received grim looks in return.

"So what do you suggest?" Brian asked me.

"Well for starters it seems like you two go everywhere together...." I answered. I had given this some thought and had looked at some of the photos of the group and of them separately that were published. "I know you have the scenario where Clare is your partner but Roger being with you most of the time doesn't present a solid enough picture of your supposed romantic relationship..." I said honestly. "Roger you really need to be seen more with dates or a regular partner..." I added. "And Brian you need to be seen with just Clare...not the entire family..."

"I try and go out with Jo when I can manage it...and when she is available...she's happy to be considered my girlfriend for the public's sake but her work has her traveling a lot..." he advised. I knew in the past there were regular pictures of them together and him mentioning her when pressed about his private life in interviews. It had dropped off in frequency.

"I know that worked for you in the past but you may need to consider someone else or just go on the occasional date with a woman you meet and make sure you are seen by the press...take her to high profile places..." I advised. "Brian...take Clare out on supposed dates in a similar manner...be seen dating somebody and away from your family life..." I encouraged.

"The idea of taking some woman out and trying to deal with her wanting more dates and having to dump her sounds miserable to me...and unfair to them..." Roger pointed out. I admired him considering the woman's feelings. I smiled at him.

"Well find yourself a new steady girlfriend then...since Jo isn't around..." I responded. Roger looked at me intently.

"You're single..." he reminded me and I laughed at the notion of being his cover. I noticed Brian didn't seem put off by his suggestion. I was surprised.

"You know about us and you've already been seen with him..." Brian chimed in. "And you'll be working with him until he finishes his record..." I had to admit it made sense. I know finding a suitable candidate for a cover is a tricky notion. You risked someone knowing and possibly not approving or even exposing them.

"You can just bill me for your services..." Roger suggested with a wry smile. He sure is cocky at times!

"I could almost call that prostitution!" I remarked and Roger chuckled at me.

"You've made the presumption I plan to sleep with you..." he countered and we both laughed.

"Paid escort?" Brian offered as an alternative. It sounded nicer to me and I smiled at him.

"For now....I will do this...but consider finding someone else down the line..." I replied. "I may meet a man who puts you to shame Roger and need to cut ties with our 'so called affair...' " Roger just grinned at me.

"For now then..." he accepted. I looked intently at Brian.

"You don't have a problem with this?" I asked Brian bluntly. He shook his head.

"I can't really..." he replied and looked at Roger. "It's what we have to do..."

--------------------------------

7th March 1983

Los Angeles

Roger's POV

"Remember what I said?" I asked Tiger Lily. She nodded and looked at Dom and then at me.

"Yes...we are pretending that you and Dom are boyfriend and girlfriend..." she told me and then put her hand over her mouth and giggled. Dom and I both smiled at her.

"That's right..." I told her. "So when we are in public together, we are playing this game...alright?" She nodded.

"Okay..." she replied. I opened the limousine door and got out at the curb of LAX airport. The driver was already handing our luggage to the porter. I held the door as Tiger Lily and Dom slipped out. We began walking inside and I took hold of Dom's hand and then Tiger Lily's with the other. Both Tigs and Dom were dressed in new outfits. Dom had taken her shopping to bond with her and make her more comfortable. I don't know who had more fun. They came back with quite a few shopping bags and Tiger Lily proceeded to model her new outfits for us all. She is such a little showman. Freddie would be proud.

So now we are flying back to London and doing what Dom asked of us. Enhancing our illusion. I got us checked in at the reservation desk and we began the walk to customs. We were soon walking through the main concourse and I spotted Barbra Streisand ahead of us. The sound of high speed cameras could be heard as she was photographed with her entourage. I wondered if her being here would distract from us. The noise caught Tiger Lily's attention.

"Just ignore the people with cameras..." I told her and we kept walking as Dom slid her arm around mine. My daughter was sporting a junior version of my sunglasses and we both strutted through the terminal wearing our dark shades and looking aloof. Despite Barbra's presence we did get some photos taken of us. My daughter did well and we found our gate and took a seat in the nearby VIP lounge. Dom and I both had a cigarette as Tiger Lily walked over to look out the window at the incoming planes.

"Your daughter is a marvel..." Dom commented to me as we both watched her at the window.

"She is a character..." I replied with a wry smile and Dom chuckled at me.

"She carries herself well...she's mature for her age and confident...those are good things..." Dom pointed out. "And she definitely has your attitude and charm..." she said and took a drag from her cigarette. It was interesting to get her outside observations of the children.

"And Jimi?" I asked her. She turned to look at me.

"That boy is really smart...but he is sensitive and tries to please people...he cares too much about what they think..." she observed. I was surprised at this depth of perception about such a young child she hadn't known long.

"Really?" I replied. "I've never noticed him being that way..." I commented. She leaned towards me.

"He is like Brian..." she said directly. "Definitely his child..." That made sense. Those are attributes of Brian, not Clare really. Clare is smart but she is more like me in not caring as much what others think of her. She is sensitive but is quite pragmatic. Brian's emotions can be all over the place.

"I don't find Clare to be that way..." she told me. I nodded as I tapped my cigarette over the ashtray.

"No she's not really...you're right...Jimi is a lot like Brian..." I agreed. "Interesting how each child turned out like us..." I said to myself. Dom heard me though and looked back over at Tigs.

"Two more little stars in the making?" she asked me. I shrugged. They both love music. Tiger Lily takes a greater interest. She has mentioned wanting to do a variety of things when she grows up but no one thing seemed to stick. Jimi hadn't really voiced his dreams; at least not to me.

"Neither of them has expressed a real interest in becoming musicians..." I replied. "They are still so young..." I pointed out. Dom seemed to be considering something.

"In my opinion that child over there has the makings of a star...with her personality and looks...she would make it!" Dom commented.

"Are you pitching yourself as her publicist or just making an observation?" I asked with humor. Tiger Lily came walking back over and slid her sunglasses up her nose just like I do. She's definitely got the attitude!

"For now...just making an observation..." Dom replied and we both smiled as my daughter climbed into her seat and leaned back.

------------------------------------

27th March 1983

Surrey

Brian's POV

It was hard to believe my son would be 6 tomorrow. I parked the car and waited for him to get out of the backseat. He got the door closed and I took his hand and we walked into the office. I checked us in and we took a seat in the small waiting area. I had picked him up from school for his annual checkup and we had drove into London.

"At least you don't have to get any jabs..." I told Jimi as we waited to be called back. He seemed pleased to hear it. He doesn't care for shots. "When we finish we can stop for a treat..." I suggested. His face brightened at the idea.

"Yes please..." he responded politely.

"We're ready for you Jimi..." the nurse called to us. We got up and followed her back. After going into an exam room Jimi was weighed and his vitals were taken. I had never met this nurse before and found her sweet and attentive. It reminded me a little of Chrissie. She finished her work and placed the chart on the counter.

"It should just be a minute..." she advised and left the room. Jimi sat on the exam table and kicked his legs back and forth as we waited for the doctor.

"Will Grandad be at my party?" Jimi asked and I smiled at him.

"Of course...Nana as well..." I answered. He smiled hearing this. "Your Gran and Trevor will get here tonight..." I reminded him. He nodded and kept kicking his legs. There was a quick tap on the door and it opened. Dr. Talbot came and and looked surprised to see me.

"Mr. May!" she exclaimed as she walked over to shake my hand. "It's nice to see you..." she remarked. I smiled back.

"I know it's been a while since I've come in...I'm gone a lot for work..." I said and it seemed a poor excuse for missing my son's regular checkups. She seemed to be amused.

"It's fine...you make it in more often that most fathers..." she pointed out. "You and Mr. Taylor both..." she told me. I felt better and she turned her attention to Jimi.

"So how have you been Jimi?" she asked him in a friendly voice as she picked up his chart. "I see you've really done some growing!" she announced and Jimi sat up tall with pride.

"I'm going to be as tall as my Daddy..." he informed her and I grinned at his confidence. Dr. Talbot patted his shoulder.

"You very well may..." she agreed and set the chart down as she began his exam. "How is school going?" she asked us both. I waited for Jimi to answer.

"I like school..." he replied and she was pleased to hear it.

"His reports are really good..." I confirmed.

"Wonderful!" she remarked and picked up the otoscope on the wall mount. "Let's have a look at your ears and I want to hear about what you have planned for your birthday..." Dr. Talbot stated. I had liked her from the first time we met. When she was there to reassure us as new parents with Tiger Lily under those tragic circumstances. We had lucked out in finding a doctor who accepted our family and provided compassionate care.

Jimi told her all about his plans and we left with a glowing report on his health. I had Jimi's hand as we walked from her office and got on the lift. "How about some ice cream or would you prefer a visit to the sweet shop?" I asked him and pressed the button for the lobby. He seemed to be mulling over his decision as the lift door opened and a familiar face stepped inside.

"Chrissie!" I exclaimed with delight at seeing her. She formed a warm smile and looked up at me.

"Brian!" she replied. "Oh my goodness....how long has it been?" she declared and we exchanged a brief hug and a sentimental expression.

"I can tell you for a fact it has been 6 years because his birthday is tomorrow..." I answered. Chrissie's attention turned to Jimi and he gazed at her with curiosity. She beamed at the sight of him and pressed her hand to her breast.

"Would you look at him!" she remarked with adoration and smiled widely as she looked him over. She then gazed up at me with affection. "Brian...he looks so much like you...." she commented. "And someone else..." she said in a low voice. I knew she meant that he looked like a Taylor as well and appreciated her discretion but also credit to Jimi's maternal line and to Roger. "Happy Birthday Jimi..." she told him sweetly. He remained curious.

"Who are you?" Jimi asked her as he looked at us both.

"Jimi....this is Chrissie....she was there when you were born..." I replied.

"Are you my Mum?" he suddenly asked her and I felt my heart rate shoot up at his question. I hadn't realized that my words might invoke him asking about this. Thank goodness she is aware of our situation. Chrissie remained relaxed and just smiled at him.

"I'm not your Mum Jimi...I just helped to bring you into the world..." she told him in a gentle manner. "I used to be a midwife..." she explained and I was surprised to hear her speak of it in the past tense. "A midwife helps a family when a baby is being born..." she told him so he would understand what that meant. "Like a nurse or doctor..." Jimi was processing her words and then simply nodded to her. I felt maybe his question had passed.

"Do you know my Mum?" he asked next. Jimi had never asked before about his mother and I wondered where this was coming from. Chrissie glanced at me and I felt uncertain about how to proceed. I decided this wasn't the time or place for this topic.

"Jimi...let's talk about this when we get home...alright?" I suggested. He looked up at me with his blue eyes and I could see the question remained as he nodded agreement.

"Okay..." he said quietly.

"Chrissie...it was lovely to see you again..." I told her and we shared a warm smile.

"You too Brian..." she replied. We rode in silence as I considered how to proceed with Jimi's question. We knew at some point he would ask but I had let it go over time and now we were facing it. The door opened and Chrissie stepped out and we exchanged a small wave as we walked through the lobby. I felt Jimi tug on my arm as we reached the building doors.

"Can we go please?" he asked and gestured at the McDonalds across the street. It was lunchtime and I figured it was his birthday so I nodded agreement and began to walk that direction. I saw Chrissie watching us and felt the impulse to invite her.

"Want to join us?" I asked her and pointed at the restaurant. She looked for a moment in the direction of McDonalds and then turned and nodded to me with a broad smile. Chrissie walked over and we went to the crossing together. We went in and I got Jimi a Happy Meal and offered to get Chrissie's food. We took our orders and found a seat by the playground. Chrissie politely asked Jimi about his birthday plans as we ate and I noticed how long her hair was. I was used to her always wearing it up for work and she had it parted in the middle and brushed out. It was beautiful. She almost looked the same except I noticed a sense of sadness in her eyes. Jimi finished his food and abandoned us for the playground. I could watch him from our booth so I let him go as I took the last bite of my fish sandwich.

"You've done a beautiful job with him Brian...he's lovely..." Chrissie commented as she pushed her tray aside.

"Thanks...he's a sweet child..." I remarked and sipped my cola. A young woman approached the table and I knew she had recognized me.

"Are you Brian May?" she asked meekly. I smile and nodded and prepared to sign an autograph as she held up a pen and napkin. "Could I trouble you for an autograph?" she asked.

"Sure..." I replied and took the paper and pen from her. Chrissie watched as I signed and dated it and handed it back. I noticed the fan look at Chrissie with curiosity but she didn't say anything.

"Thanks..." she said shyly and walked away. I noticed Chrissie watching her leave.

"Do you ever get tired of it?" she asked me. "Being recognized? Signing?" she questioned. I didn't mind.

"Not yet..." I replied honestly. "Most of the fans are pretty nice and respectful..." I commented.

"I'm glad to hear that...especially when you're out with your children..." she remarked. I nodded agreement.

"We've not had any problems..." I said and hoped that remained the case.

"So is your family situation still the same?" she asked me carefully as she eyed people nearby. I appreciated her discretion.

"Yes...I am still with the same person..." I replied to confirm I was still with Roger.

"And how are you?" I asked back. "How are you and Dr. Roberts?" I questioned. I noticed Chrissie reach for her ring finger as I asked and noted the absence of her wedding ring.

"We aren't...anymore..." she replied in a subdued voice. I felt terrible hearing this and my heart hurt for her. She had formed an embarrassed smile and moved her left hand up into her hair.

"Oh Chrissie!" I said with compassion. "I'm sorry to hear that..." I told her and immediately reached over for her hand. She accepted it and her smile seemed more genuine.

"Thanks..." she said and then shrugged as she moved the hand from her hair and placed it in her lap. Clearly still feeling the weight of it as she looked down at her hand. I gently squeezed the hand I was holding.

"It's not my business what happened, but if you need to talk..." I offered. She looked up at me and forced a small smile. She then shook her head and then made a huffing sound.

"There's not much to tell..." she answered. "I think we rushed into things when we married and we are just too different...and we want different things in life..." she revealed as she looked at me with a more contained expression. "It was just a mistake..." she confessed. I felt terrible that it hadn't worked out.

"Can I ask if you had any children?" I questioned in a careful voice. She shook her head and then pulled back some of her hair with her hand and tucked it behind her ear.

"No..." she confirmed. "It was never the right time for either of us and then it was something that came between us..." she said frankly. "Both of us too focused on our work and not enough on each other..." she explained. "In the end we just drifted apart and there wasn't enough there to make it worth saving..."

"I'm sorry it didn't work out...for either of you..." I told her and she nodded agreement.

"Me too...we parted as friends...but it still stings a bit..." she said. We sat in silence for a moment and both turned to watch the children playing in the enclosed room. Their innocent and carefree lives and everything ahead of them. They weren't burdened yet with all the problems of the adult world and played with abandon.

"Do you still work?" I finally asked her to stop my own head from filling with worrying thoughts.

"I haven't for the last few years...but now that my divorce is going to be final I want to get back to it...I've only done some volunteer work..." she advised. I was glad to hear she had plans.

"You are an exceptional caregiver..." I assured her. "I hope you find something that fulfills you and makes you happy..." I said and she smiled widely at me.

"Thanks Brian..." she said and turned back to watch the children as she pulled her hand from mine.

Chrissie needed to go and I gave her my business card with my private number written on the back. I collected Jimi and we headed for home. He seemed to forget about the question regarding his mother and I appreciated having the time to talk to Roger and Clare about it. We arrived and Jimi dashed from the car looking for Winnie and Trevor since their sedan was in the drive. I went in and found him getting hugs and kisses from his grandparents. I got my own from them and looked around for Roger.

"Where is Rog at?" I asked them.

"He's in his office..." Mia advised me. I walked down the hall and found him seated at his desk reading something. He looked so serious in his glasses and I smiled as I walked inside. He was holding a piece of paper and had a pen in his other hand.

"We're back..." I announced and Roger looked up and smiled at me.

"Hey...how did the doctor go?" he asked. I came over and sat on the edge of his desk.

"Good...he's healthy...no problems..." I answered. Roger looked relieved and pulled his glasses off. "I finally got more words for that song idea..." he told me. I wanted to look it over but we had more pressing business.

"We do have something that came up..." I told him and he grew curious.

"What is it?" he asked as he leaned back in his chair and looked at me.

"He asked about his mother..." I advised and Roger's face registered alarm.

"Oh!" he responded and set his glasses on his desk. "How did this come up?" he questioned. I explained running into Chrissie and how we had explained how she knew him. I repeated the conversation we had in the lift as he listened.

"I guess we need to sort out how we handle this..." he remarked. "I guess we should have expected this by now..." I nodded agreement.

"Yes..." I concurred. "Do you think he is old enough to understand?" I asked Roger. He sighed as he ran his hand across his chest and slid it into his shirt. His normal response to having to consider something. I waited as he worked through it.

"Do you?" he finally asked me. I shrugged. I wasn't sure he would understand it all at 6 years old.

"He's pretty bright and is mature for his age but this is a complex matter..." I reminded him. Roger nodded agreement and sighed again. I wondered if we should have Clare join us for this conversation. "Should we have Clare in here?" I questioned. Roger picked up his phone and called Clare in her private quarters.

"Clare...can you join Brian and I in my office? It's about the Mommy talk..." Roger advised her on the phone. He listened and then hung up. "She's on her way..." he told me and then appeared curious as he tapped his pen on the top of his paper. "You haven't seen Chrissie in ages...how is she?" Roger asked me.

"She's divorced..." I responded and Roger's face registered surprise.

"What happened?" he questioned.

"She told me she felt they married too quickly and were just too different and grew apart..." I explained. "It sounds like it wasn't meant to be..." I suggested.

"Did they have any kids?" he asked and I shook my head. I felt bad for Chrissie missing out on being a mother.

"No...she said it just never was the right time and then it was over..." I answered. "I feel bad that she lost her chance to be a mother..." I confessed and Roger looked sympathetic.

"She is a caring person...I'm sorry things didn't work out for her and Dr. Roberts..." he said sincerely. There was a light knock on the door and I assumed it was Clare as the door opened. Roger and I were both taken aback when Jimi peered around the door.

"Hey little man!" Roger said with a smile as he stood up and walked over to our son. "Daddy said your checkup went well..." he told him as he picked him up and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Jimi looked at him with an inquisitive face.

"Who is my Mummy?" he asked him and then looked my way. "Where is she?" he asked. We were both silent as we pondered how to answer and it felt so ironic that Clare came through the door at that moment.

Chapter Text

27th March 1983

Surrey

Roger's POV

It was moments like these when I wondered if having Jimi was such a great idea. I love him as much as Tiger Lily but the way we brought him into our lives has created a mess. We had hoped that Jimi asking about his mother would come at an older age. One where he could better understand the whole story and be able to grasp why part of his family dynamic had to remain a secret. But there is nothing to do but deal with the situation at hand.

Brian and Clare and I looked at each other and I finally made the first move.

"Have a seat and we can talk about your Mum...alright?" I told him. He climbed into a chair and kept his eyes on us as we all got seated. "We are going to be honest with you and try to answer your questions..." I advised and gave a look to Brian and Clare that indicated this was the best policy.

"Who is she?" he asked again. "Where is she?"

"I'm right here Jimi...I'm your mother..." Clare blurted out. Jimi's eyes went straight to her and his mouth hung open a little.

"You are?" he asked her with disbelief. She smiled and got up from her chair and went and knelt down in front of him. She placed her hands on top of his knees.

"I am Jimi..." she confirmed. I could see a million questions forming in his eyes as Jimi stared at her.

"If you're my Mum, why do I call you Aunt Clare?" he asked first. Clare looked up at Brian for a moment and then me and then turned back to Jimi. I trusted her to say the right thing. I knew Brian did as well.

"Jimi...I am your Mum but I am a different kind of Mum..." she told him. "I know you have some friends at school who live with their Mum or both their Mum and Dad and they raise them...but I am the kind of Mum that had you so your Daddy and your Papa could have a baby of their own.." she said in the simplest term. "So I carried you in my tummy and kept you safe while you grew big enough to come into the world...and then when you did come into the world, I gave you to your Papa and to Daddy to love and call their own..." she said to him in a tender and caring way. We all sat silent and waited for him to process what she said. You could see the wheels turning in his head and I felt bad that it was so much information to take in.

"You can't be my Mummy if you're my Aunt..." Jimi questioned.

"I am your Mummy because I carried you and gave birth to you...but I am your Aunt because your Papa is my brother..." she tried to explain to him.

"How did I get in your tummy?" he asked her. I knew this part was going to be tricky and I decided to intervene at this point.

"You are too young to understand it all...but you are made up of part of her and part of Daddy and that is what makes you...you..." I explained. "Those parts came together and you grew from that inside of her until you got big enough to be able to be born..." Jimi was listening intently and I tried to choose my words carefully. I felt Brian place his arm around my shoulders and found comfort in it.

Jimi reached out and touched Clare's face and then looked down at her stomach. I knew in his little May brain he was already trying to deduce it all despite his young age. Brian patted my shoulder and I turned to see him get up and walk over to one of his bookshelves.

"Hang on..." Brian said and we all watched him pull out a photo album. "This might help..." he announced as he walked over to Jimi and sat down next to him and showed him the album. "Here are some pictures from when Clare had you in her tummy..." Brian told him and opened the album as Jimi leaned over to look. I had forgot about all the pictures he took when she was carrying him and was suddenly grateful for them.

What I wasn't happy about was the fact that I stood aside and watched Brian and Clare and Jimi look at the photos and begin to reminisce about her pregnancy and felt almost like an outsider. I really wanted a cigarette and fought with the notion of lighting one as they talked. I ignored my craving and kept my eyes on Jimi to see his reaction as they told him how he was born.

"Are you my sister's Mum?" Jimi asked Clare. My heart clenched at the question. Clare shook her head and formed a sad look.

"No sweetheart...." she replied. "Tiger Lily's mum died when she was a baby..." Clare looked up at me as she spoke. Unsure what else to say. Before I could add to her statement Jimi asked another question.

"Are you my sister's Daddy?" Jimi then asked Brian. This was a tricky question and Brian and I quickly looked at each other. Uncertain how to explain it in a way he could understand.

"Tiger Lily came from me..." I finally declared. Jimi looked up at me with confusion in his face. "She came from me and her mother..." I clarified. "She calls Brian her Daddy because he has been in her life since she came to live with me when her Mummy died..." I advised him. "Just like I have been in your life and you call me Papa..." I explained. I felt bad that we were throwing so many things at him. His little face almost seemed bewildered. I wondered how else we could put things to make it easier for him.

There was a light knock on the door and then it opened up. Tiger Lily came inside and smiled at us all.

"I wondered where you were..." she said and immediately noticed the atmosphere of the room. "Is something the matter?" she asked as she focused on Jimi. I forget how intuitive she can be and she clearly knew something was up.

"Did you know Aunt Clare is my Mummy?" Jimi announced to her. I could see recognition of this dawn on Tiger Lily's face. Like she was remembering the fact after having forgotten it. She walked over towards Jimi and he pointed at the photo album. "Look at this!" Jimi remarked and Tigs stood next to him and looked down at the album.

"Do you remember when I was pregnant with him Tiger?" Clare asked her with curiosity. Brian flipped some pages.

"Here you are painting her tummy..." Brian remarked as he showed her the photo. Tigs looked at it and a bright smile appeared on her face.

"I do remember..." she mumbled as she shoved Jimi over to sit next to him and began looking at the album. "You took care of us when Jimi was a baby..." Tigs commented as she looked through the pictures. "Then Mimi came along..." Tigs recalled. She turned to Jimi and smiled at him. "We're lucky Jim Jim..." she told him with affection. "We've got Papa and Daddy and Clare and Mimi...and Gran and Trevor...and we've got Nana and Big..." she explained to him. I found her sentiment to be true and Brian and Clare and I shared a warm smile after she said it.

"It doesn't matter who you came from Jimi..." I finally spoke. "What matters is who you have taking care of you and loving you..." I explained. "Tigs is right...you are lucky to have so many..." I said.

"And it doesn't matter what you call us either..." Brian chimed in. "Whether it's Daddy, Papa, Mum, Clare, Mia or Mimi..." Brian stated.

"Or Brimi!" Tigs added to his list. We all chuckled at her remembering calling Brian this when she was quite little. Brian beamed at her and nodded.

"Or Brimi..." he concurred. "What matters is that you have a family...one that loves you very much and will always be there for you..." he assured him. Jimi formed a smile as we explained this to him. He seemed to grasp the most important thing and I felt better seeing it.

"So does that answer your questions?" I asked him. Jimi's face looked just like Brian's as he seemed to analyze everything and determine if he was satisfied. He was too advanced in his thinking sometimes for a child of five. Well; six as of tomorrow.

"Yes..." Jimi answered. "Kevin wanted to know where my Mum was..." he suddenly revealed. I know Kevin is a child in his class at school. "And I didn't know what to say..." he confessed. I felt bad that we had failed to give him enough information to deal with these situations at school. I couldn't help but be reminded of Harold's warning all those years back that we were making a mess for ourselves by having children.

"You can tell him you do have a Mum..." Clare assured him.

"Or you can tell him it's none of his business..." Tigs suddenly declared and formed an imperious expression. "That's what I tell people when they get too nosy..." she remarked.

"Do you now?" I replied and almost laughed at her adeptness in handling prying people. Brian and Clare both looked amused at her suggestion.

"Well I'd tell them to fuck off like you would...but Mimi said it is rude..." Tigs informed me and I practically fell out my chair laughing.

-----------------------------------
14th May 1983

Monaco

"Gentlemen....welcome to the the Grand Prix!"

I was headed back to Montreux to resume some recording for my solo album but was sidetracked by an offer from my old friend Rick Parfitt. He had managed to get us invited as VIP's to the Grand Prix race in Monaco. They were wanting some younger people from the entertainment industry to attend to attract some new blood to racing and we were the ideal candidates. I couldn't turn down the chance to see this race in this locale. Rick had been before and raved about it to me. I was soon on a plane with Crystal to meet him there.

We got up this morning and had breakfast at the hotel and headed off for our day of fun. Rick announced at breakfast that a film crew would be following us for a while as they were making a promotional film about the event. I was fine with it and figured it was a chance to be seen on film hanging out with someone besides Brian and possibly chatting up some women. Taking heed of Dominique's advice.

Today was preview day and the qualifying races had ended. We got our VIP passes and were soon plodding about the staging area checking out the cars. Rick guided us to the Toleman Group area since they were British. We were introduced to their chief mechanic, John Mardle, and he showed us one of the race cars. It was impressive to see up close and I mentioned having driven a race car on a closed track once. He was showing me the engine when the driver appeared from their trailer.

"Roger...this is our driver....Derek Warwick..." John announced. "Derek...this is Roger Taylor...from Queen..." I smiled and shook his hand. Excited to meet him. He was an up and coming driver in Formula 1 and had been on this team a couple of years. He was younger than me and was a good looking man. We talked about the aspect of driving a street circuit since the race in Monaco was on the city streets. He was interesting to chat with and I admired his passion. Derek was a good host and had us drinking some champagne as we looked over the car.

The film crew was there for part of our visit and returned to see if we would be headed down to the marina to see the yachts and enjoy the hospitality. We bid the race team goodbye and took off on foot.

"I think I could live here..." Crystal commented as we strolled along the pier and watched the film crew shoot clips of Rick mugging for the camera.

"Oh yeah?" I asked. "Why's that?" I questioned as I sipped on a cocktail I had been handed by a lady on a yacht we had passed by. Crystal gestured at the yachts and the crowd of people milling about.

"Everyone is offering us free food and drinks...and the weather is warmer than home...and have you seen all the topless sunbathers out today?" he remarked and directed my gaze towards a yacht with several attractive women tanning themselves on the deck face up with their breasts on full display.

"So I see...all it takes to lure you in some free vodka tonics and some tits?" I asked him. He chuckled in response.

"Absolutely..." he replied. Rick found the yacht for the owner of the Toleman racing team and we were invited aboard. It was a fantastic boat and Ted gave us a tour. When we got settled to have a chat on the deck, the film crew did some cursory shooting of it and then advised they were heading down the marina for some other shots. We were relieved to be finished with them and spent some time talking rock and roll and racing with our hosts.

The team had some interviews so we left and resumed our promenade through the marina. I really liked these boats and pondered the idea of buying one for myself. I just didn't have a place to dock one. We encountered some fans who stopped us for autographs and pictures. It was a leisurely way to spend the afternoon. We returned to the hotel and changed to attend a VIP party that evening.

-----------------------------

"This party has gone stale..." Rick commented as we sat at a reserved table and worked on our drinks. "Let's go..." he suggested. The event had become a bore after a few hours. The drinks were good but it was mostly a bunch of ultra rich people congratulating themselves on being wealthy and being here. I emptied my drink and we got up and headed for the exit.

"Let's get some fresh air..." I suggested. We left the party and headed out to the plaza where a lot of people were walking and taking in the sights. After strolling for a few blocks we happened upon a row of busy bars. We went in and Crystal went to order us some drinks. Rick and I looked around for some seats.

"Are you Rick Parfitt?" someone asked with a British accent. Rick turned to see a young man looking at us with a look of elation on his face.

"I am...." Rick confirmed proudly. "And you are?" Rick asked him back.

"Ian Palmer...and I am a huge Status Quo fan!" he announced and then glanced at me with a smile. "And a fan of Queen as well....you're Roger Taylor!" he remarked. "It's my lucky night!" he declared. "Can I have the honor of buying you two a drink?" he requested. Rick and I shared a quick look between us. Ian seemed eager but harmless.

"Sure! Why not?" Rick replied. Ian gestured towards a large table that held a few other people.

"Please....come join us!" he offered. Rick began following him and I gestured to Crystal at the bar. We went over and were introduced to his friends. They were all young Brits in town for the Grand Prix. They were charming and friendly and we got comfortable and got to drinking.

----Nine hours later----

"You can make your call now..." the uniformed man gestured to me to come to his desk. I stumbled over and slumped down in the chair and picked up the phone. I was thankful I knew the phone number as I got the operator.

"En anglais s'il vous plais...." I requested in the small amount of French I knew. There was a click.

"Operator...how may I direct your call?"

"I need to make a reverse charge call to London please..." I explained and gave her the phone number and my name. I noticed the guard watching me as he stood in the doorway and kept a stoic look on his face. The phone began to ring after a moment and I waited as I held my face in my hand; already dreading the hangover that was quickly taking over my body.

"Dominique Beyrand..."

"This is the operator with the Monte Carlo Police and I have a reverse charge call from Roger Taylor...will you accept the charges?"

"Yes..." she replied. I knew she would and felt relieved as the operator dropped off the call. "Roger? Are you alright?" she immediately asked with concern in her voice. I sighed.

"I've been arrested..." I replied and ran my hand over my face to try and clear my head.

"For what?" Dominique instantly asked in shock and disbelief.

"Public intoxication...." I answered. "I was arrested about five hours ago...along with Crystal and Rick Parfitt...." I explained. That estimate seemed about right.

"You weren't driving were you?" she questioned.

"No...we were picked up on foot..." I replied and hoped she didn't ask for the particulars. "I'm calling because we need money to pay the fine and be released..." I told her. "Can you contact Jim Beach and make the arrangements?" I requested.

"Why didn't you call Jim?" she asked next. It was a reasonable question.

"Because I could only remember your phone number...my phonebook is back at the hotel..." I explained.

"I guess I should be flattered..." Dom said to lighten the moment. I smiled despite my aching head. "Let me make some calls and I will arrange for your release..." she answered. "Let me speak to the officer..." she requested. I was so relieved to know she would handle this.

"Thanks Dom....you are a lifesaver...and please bill me for the inconvenience..." I suggested. She laughed lightly in the phone.

"Just try and behave until we can get you released..." she told me. I saluted her even though couldn't see me.

"Aye aye captain!" I said back and handed the phone to the officer.

----Four hours later----

"Still think you could live here?" I teased Crystal as we were herded from our cell out to the release desk. The answer I got was him flipping me off and Rick and I laughed despite feeling like shit. The benches in the cell were not comfortable and we all needed some real sleep.

We arrived at the desk and one of the officers we had encountered last night was there watching us as our personal effects were returned to us. He wore amusement on his face.

"Here are you effects Mr. Taylor..." he said in a business like manner. I took the envelope from him and confirmed it was everything they had confiscated. "I trust we will not find you gracing our cells in the future?" he asked me as I slid my wallet into pocket. I nodded and tried to form a remorseful look on my face.

"No...it won't be a problem.." I confirmed as I stepped back to let Rick get this belongings. Crystal and I stood against the wall as Rick signed for his things and then we heard the sound of the metal door releasing. A guard escorted us to the reception area and I was thrilled to see Dom standing there holding a briefcase and waving to us as we approached. I was impressed that she came and how quickly she arrived. They advised us we were free to go and we walked over to her.

"Dom....thank you so much for doing this!" I told her as I pulled her in for a grateful hug. "I really owe you for this one..." I remarked as we parted. She looked subdued and gestured at the exit.

"We need to go...a condition of your release is that you leave Monte Carlo immediately..." she advised us. My face soured at the news. We would miss what was left of the Grand Prix.

"I guess we're off to pack up and leave..." I told Rick and Crystal. We were disappointed but the others thanked Dom for the rescue and we took a car she had waiting outside back to our hotel. We collected our things and checked out and were soon on a private plane out of Monaco. Crystal and Rick fell asleep as soon as we took off. I was wiped out, but felt obliged to stay up for Dom's sake. She had bothered to arrange bail and safe passage for us.

"I hope we didn't mess up any business affairs for you..." I told her as I took a seat next to hers on the plane. She smiled and shook her head.

"You caught me on a good day to need rescuing..." she commented as she sipped a cup of coffee. I laughed lightly at her and smiled.

"Good..." I said and leaned back in the chair as she watched me.

"I know you were limited on phone calls at the police station and we were rushed leaving the hotel....did you plan to call Brian when we arrive in Montreux or tell him when you get home?" she asked me. I gave her a dubious expression.

"To be completely honest...I was hoping we could just keep this to ourselves..." I told her with a hint of my embarrassment. I knew if he found out about this I would hear about it for ages. Dom grinned at me and leaned forward in her seat towards me.

"I can keep your secret..." she responded. "But you never told me exactly what you did to end up in jail...." she remarked. I know I really looked embarrassed now and her grin widened.

"I guess I owe you that much..." I told her and peered over to make sure Rick and Crystal were still asleep. "We got pretty wasted at a bar as some bloke was there for the race and wanted to buy us drinks..." I explained. "We had been playing some drinking games and were feeling fairly competitive when we left the bar..." I couldn't help but smile as I replayed what I remembered in my head. "So that competitive streak continued as we headed back to the hotel...and our night ended with a contest to see who could urinate the furthest..." I confessed. Dom formed a look of amusement.

"So your pissing match ended in a pissing match?" she said wittily and I instantly laughed.

"It did!" I agreed and tried to keep my noise down. "Rick was the clear winner by the way..." I clarified. "He's got amazing aim!" I commented. She smiled at me and there was a mirth in her eyes. I found it nice that she was charmed by our antics and not annoyed.

"So I take it this contest occurred somewhere between the bar and the hotel and was in public?" she questioned. I nodded as I picked up a bottle of water to have a sip.

"Yes...." I confirmed. "And it happened to be witnessed by a pair of policemen...." I advised. "For some reason they weren't impressed..." I joked and formed a wry expression.

"You're lucky Roger...they could have charged you with indecent exposure..." she pointed out. "A serious offense..." She was right. I guess we were lucky.

"That's true....we are lucky..." I replied. "Even luckier that one of the officers was a Queen fan..." I added with a wink.

Dom and I began talking about my solo album and my goal of when I might finish it. We had already confirmed with Freddie and Deacy that Queen would return to the studio in late August to work on our next album. Everyone had enjoyed the break but were feeling the itch to do something together. I needed to get my work completed before mid July when I needed to be back for Brian's birthday as well as my own.
------------------------------------

21May 1983

London

Brian's POV

"You look silly..." Tiger Lily told me as we looked through some photos taken several years back. I was organizing all the photos during my time off and she was helping me with it. Or maybe hindering me because she made me stop constantly to answer questions about the pictures. She found one taken at some party where I was obviously drunk and my mouth was half open and my eyes were half shut. I smiled as I tried to remember when this was. Sometimes it seemed a blur.

"Yes...I was feeling pretty silly..." I replied and shuffled the photo into a stack of ones I may want to discard. She handed me another one.

"You are so tall Daddy..." she told me as I looked at the photo of me walking in a railway station in Japan. I did seem like a giant as I stood amongst the Japanese people. I also looked incredibly skinny and it annoyed me.

"Yes poppet....tall and skinny..." I replied. She gave me a funny look.

"You're not skinny...you're just you..." she told me. I was amused to hear her use a phrase on me that I often used with others. I smiled at her.

"Yes...well...I am me...but I wish sometimes I wasn't so skinny..." I confessed. Tigs seemed curious as she watched me.

"How can you not be skinny?" she asked me.

"That is a good question...." I replied. That was a question I had pondered for a while. I envied these men with more solid bodies and defined muscles. They looked healthier and had more vigor. I found the same with women. Clare and Roger weren't too skinny and always appeared to glow. It was brought home to me even more when the next photo proved my point. There I was with my husband as he looked wonderfully fit yet soft in all the right places. I found my face pointed and lean and my chest practically exposing my ribs. It showed exactly what I didn't like about myself. Roger seemed so well rounded physically and I envied it. Something came to me and I got up from the table in my office and walked to my phone. I double checked the time to make sure it wasn't too late.

I dialed the number and waited for an answer.

"Hello..."

"Hey Eddie....it's Brian...." I announced. "I was wondering if you could help me with something..."

"Sure...what's up?" he asked.

"How do I set up a home gym?"
------------------------------------------

25th May 1983

Montreux

Roger's POV

'Can't believe what you hear....Don't believe what you read'

'Hard to see what you need these days....
Can't believe that it's true
You know we had so much to do
How come you treat me this way....
Hey - you
Why don't you play by the rules
Play by the rules
You - just
You must take me
Take me for some kind of fool'

I gestured to Dave to cut the tape. He stopped it and I sighed. Unhappy with my vocal performance.

"What's the matter?" I heard Rick ask from the booth.

"Didn't you hear me butcher that last bit?" I asked him as I reached for my glass of water. I had been doing vocals for a few hours and wondered if it was time to call it a day.

"You sounded great in here mate!" Rick replied and shared a confused look with Dave. I took a big sip and gargled it in my throat and swallowed. I shook out my arms and let out a noise as I tried to loosen myself up. I felt off for some reason and needed to refocus.

"Let's try it again..." I told Dave and he nodded as he readied the tape. Then I saw him then lean over and answer the telephone.

"Roger...it's for you...it's Dominique..." Dave announced. I wondered why she was calling. She was knee deep in promoting David Bowie's new release. He had blown up the charts with 'Let's Dance.' This was quickly becoming his year and I was glad I had not released an album right now. Didn't want to compete. I walked into the control booth and picked up the phone.

"Hey Dom!"

"Hi Roger....I know you're busy but I was wondering if you were free for dinner tonight?" she asked. I was curious.

"I plan to work but I'll make time for you....where should I meet you?" I asked.

"How about Le Bon Vin at 8?" she suggested. "I can get a reservation..."

"Sure...I'll see you there..." I replied and hung up the phone.

"What did she want?" Rick asked as I walked over to stole his lit cigarette and took a drag..."

"I don't know...but I guess I will find out..."

------------------------------------

Dom was already seated when I arrived and I was shown to the table and handed a menu. Dom was wearing a dark pink silk pant suit that flattered her immensely. She looked lovely and I leaned over and kissed her cheek as I got in my chair.

"You look nice..." I commented as the waiter poured me a glass of wine. Dom smiled at me as she sipped her own glass.

"Thank you..." she replied. I quickly surveyed the menu and made a decision.

"I'll have the special..." I informed the waiter. He took the menu and disappeared as I lit a cigarette and got comfortable. "It was a nice surprise to hear from you...I thought you were swamped with Bowie at the moment?" I questioned.

"We flew in for David's son's birthday...it's on the 30th..." she responded. That made sense. "I wanted to see you because I wanted to ask you a favor..." she advised. I did owe her and smiled at her.

"Sure...what do you need?" I asked as I took a drag from my cigarette.

"As you know there have been several photos of us printed in newspapers and magazines and speculation made that we are dating..." she stated. I nodded agreement. This is what she had suggested to help Brian and myself.

"Yes...your plan is working..." I agreed. She smiled at me and then seemed a little subdued. I was beginning to wonder what she was getting at. "You needed a favor?" I reminded her. She nodded.

"My birthday was last month and I was in America with David so I missed celebrating with my family..." she explained. "My mother is insisting she at least get to see me for a lunch or dinner...and I said yes...but she saw the photos of us and wants you to come so she can meet the man I am dating..." she revealed and looked almost regretful in telling me this.

"You didn't tell her it was just for publicity?" I questioned as I sipped my wine. She remained guilty looking and ran her hand into her hair almost like Brian does at times.

"I normally would have...but here is the thing..." she responded and let out a mournful sigh and pulled her hand from her hair. "I got divorced from my first husband a long time ago and haven't had a serious partner since then..." I was surprised to learn she had been married in the past. "My mother has been on me to find someone and settle down again..." she explained. She formed a funny look on her face and proceeded to do what I presumed was an impression of her mother. "You know you're in your thirties now and almost past your prime!" I smiled at her performance. I know how mothers can be and patted her arm in support.

"I can hear my mother saying the same thing to my sister..." I said in response. Dom looked at me earnestly.

"I really want to keep her off my back...so I was wondering if you could come along and just humor her for the time being?" she requested and looked at me with hopeful eyes. I could appreciate how painful these types of situations are with parents. And I did owe her a huge favor. I smiled at her.

"When is our date with Mother?"

Chapter Text

26th May 1983

Surrey / London

Brian's POV

"I really like that fill..." I told Gary, the drummer. "Let's run this again..." I suggested. I turned and looked at Mack who nodded approval and I smiled at his encouragement. Mack leaned over and pressed the button on the tape machine and we began again.

It felt kind of wild to be a producer for another group. I had been flattered when Jim Beach contacted me to advise that Polydor records had a new heavy rock act and asked if I was interested in producing some tracks for them. They liked my work and knew Queen had self produced a lot so they offered and I accepted. I needed something to do as I was growing restless being away from music. I had called Mack in Munich for some advice and he told me he was free right now so he flew over to sit in with us. It helped me with my confidence and actually improved my relationship with Mack. We had been at odds when we first met but now we seemed to understand each other better. I liked working with him and he let me steer the session.

This was my third day in the studio with Heavy Pettin. They are from Glasgow and I enjoyed hearing their accents. Since my mother is Scottish it felt a bit like home. We got acquainted and began work on the backing track for a song titled, 'Shout It Out.' I felt we were close to getting the best possible sound and wanted a few more takes that Mack and I could use for mixing. When we completed the run through I checked the clock and saw it was about time for a planned visit.

"Do you want to call it a day?" I asked the group over the intercom. The men all nodded as a few lit some cigarettes and started packing up their things. They came through and we agreed to a start time for the next session and they left. I walked them out and said goodbye and returned to the studio. I resumed my seat and got busy with Mack at the mixing board. About 20 minutes later the door to the control room opened and Tiger Lily came bounding in.

"Hey poppet!" I said as she came over to me. She stopped when she saw Mack and stared at him. They had never met before. Jimi arrived next and was a bit shy as he stepped in the room. Mia and Clare were right behind him.

"Mack...I'd like you to meet Tiger Lily...." I announced. He smiled at her.

"It's nice to finally meet you...I've heard a lot about you..." Mack said to her and she smiled in return.

"You're from Germany....right?" she asked him. He nodded at her.

"Yes...I work with your parents in Munich..." he confirmed in his distinct accent. I appreciated Mack referring to Roger and myself as parents. I gestured towards my son.

"This is Jimi...." I announced and gestured for him to come over. He hesitated a little but was coaxed by Clare so he walked towards us.

"Jimi...can you say hello to my friend Mack?" I asked him politely. He stared at Mack and then finally spoke.

"Hi...." he said quietly.

"Hello Jimi..." Mack replied. "I've heard about you too..." he commented. Jimi's gaze moved over to the mixing board and his eyes grew wide with curiosity.

"What is that?" Jimi asked as he pointed at the board. I realized he had not been around a studio that much and wasn't familiar with it. Mack and I both swiveled around in our chairs and I gave Mack a look to take over and show him.

"This is our mixing board...." Mack began to explain as Jimi walked up to it and got a closer look. "It is where we put everything together to make a song..." Mack stated as he pointed to some of the knobs and levers. I quickly introduced Mia and Clare and Tiger Lily climbed into my lap as Jimi stood and listened to Mack explain what you can do with the board.

"Show me..." Jimi requested. I gave a nod to Mack who smiled and seemed to get an idea.

"Alright...give me a minute..." he responded. He pulled out the tapes from Heavy Pettin and placed a different tape on the player. He started it up and reached for the volume lever. I instantly recognized the tape of my recording of the Star Fleet theme. I watched Jimi to see if he would know what it is.

A massive smile broke out on my face when Jimi whipped his head around and looked at me open mouthed and surprised.

"It's Star Fleet!" Jimi exclaimed. Mack and I shared a look of amusement at his recognition.

"It is!" I confirmed. "It's that recording I made with my friends..." I reminded Jimi. He was enthralled hearing it and then gave me a frown.

"Where's the words?" he asked me. I hadn't done any vocals on it. It was just the jam from my session in L.A. .

"There aren't any..." I explained. His frown grew deeper.

"Can you sing it?" he requested. Mack looked at me for direction and I shrugged.

"I guess we can put a vocal on it..." I answered. "It was done just for fun..." I commented. Jimi bounced on his feet at the prospect. I couldn't deny him so I patted Tiger Lily on her side to get her out of my lap. She climbed down and I got up. "I think I remember all the words..." I remarked as Mack smiled at me.

"We can just do a run through for now..." he told me. I nodded and looked at Jimi.

"Do you want to come in with me or watch from here?" I asked him. He looked at the mixing board and then back at me.

"I'll watch from here..." he answered. I grinned at him. Enjoying his eagerness to see what I do for a living.

"Alright then..." I responded. I opened the recording booth door.

"I'll go..." Tiger Lily told me me.

"Come on then..." I said and held the door as she went in and I fell in behind her.

I soon had my headphones on and was going over the lyrics in my head from the end credits of the show. I stood at the microphone and gestured at Mack to start the tape. Tiger Lily sat on top of a large amplifier nearby and watched me. I began to listen and started singing what I could recall. We had played the song faster than the original theme was and I tried to pace my vocal accordingly. I soon realized I needed to do something about these words as they didn't completely fit my instrumental. Then it occurred to me I might want to actually make this into a real record.

-----------------------------

29th May 1983

Paris

Roger's POV

It was a beautiful day and the sun was out so Dom and I decided to walk the few blocks from our hotel to the restaurant where we were meeting her mother. I had been to Paris only a few times and when on tour it was a whirlwind visit. Dom was nice enough to point out things of interest to me as we strolled the pavement and crossed the street to a place called 'Culliere Coeur.'

"This is it..." Dom announced and I walked up and opened the door for her. I had dressed for the occasion and wore a new suit I purchased a few days before. We had gone shopping and found a fantastic grey and white checked suit. I really liked the cut and style of it and it only needed some slight alteration. We had picked it up this morning and I wore it with a black shirt and some new leather loafers. Dom had worn a brown silk pantsuit that showed off her figure and her chic sense of style. I hoped her mother would think us a nice looking couple.

The small restaurant was busy and I admired the natural light from the large windows and the linen table cloths as Dom checked on our table. The maitre' d began walking us towards the back part of the room. I placed my hand on Dominique's back as we walked. There was a table by the windows and I knew the woman seated there had to be Dominique's mother. She was an older version of her. Just as beautiful but with magnificent silver hair. She smiled widely at us as we arrived at the table.

"Dominique!" she exclaimed and appeared elated as she stood up and shared a kiss with her daughter. They both began speaking in French and I just stood and smiled. I did catch Dom asking her to use English for my benefit. Something else was said in French that was followed by them both laughing. I was certain it was about me but kept my friendly composure as Dom grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to them.

"Roger Taylor.....this is my mother...Yvette Beyrand....(*)" I smiled and her mother leaned over and kissed my cheek. I did the same back and we parted wearing smiles.

"It's lovely to meet you Roger...." she told me as she looked me in the eyes.

"It's nice to meet you as well..." I replied. Dom seemed happy as I stood and waited for them to get seated and took an empty chair next to Dom. The waiter appeared and Dominique ordered drinks for us in French. I saw her mother eyeing us both and I slipped my hand over Dom's as it rested on the table. She smiled at me.

"Go ahead and decide what you want before I interrogate you..." Yvette said in a teasing manner. I laughed at her remark and looked down at the menu. It was in French but I knew enough to figure out what the choices were. Dom watched me and I pointed to the lamb dish. The waiter brought our drinks and took our food order and I had a sip of my wine as I saw Yvette prepare her arsenal of questions.

"Alright...I'm ready..." I told her and leaned back in my chair to indicate I was at ease with her doing this. She leaned forward and laced her fingers together. It was apparent she would enjoy this.

"You are in a music group....yes?" she questioned. I nodded as I reached for my cigarettes and opened the packet.

"I am....I'm a drummer for a rock band called Queen..." I informed her. I lit my cigarette and then offered one to Dom. She declined and so did her mother. "I also sing and I write songs...and right now I am working on my second album of my own material..." I explained. She seemed satisfied.

"And you are successful?" she asked. I took a drag from my cigarette and exhaled sideways as I answered.

"Yes...Queen has been very successful...." I confirmed. "I've made a good living as a musician..." I generalized as I felt it wasn't her business exactly how much. I am sure she had already ascertained some of this from her daughter or from the newspapers.

"Dom told me you have a daughter...." I smiled at her but felt a twinge inside at just being able to acknowledge one of my children. I pulled out my wallet and fished out the photo I carry of my daughter.

"I do....her name is Tiger Lily....she's eight..." I explained as I handed her the picture. Yvette looked at it and then me and handed it back.

"She is definitely your child...she is just as beautiful as you are handsome..." she remarked.

"Thank you..." I said politely.

"You are divorced?" she asked me casually as she picked up her wine and sipped it.

"No...I wasn't married to her mother...Tiger Lily was a surprise and her mother and I weren't together when she was born...she has since passed away..." I told her to avoid any further questions about my marital status.

"I am sorry to hear that..." she said with sympathy. "So your daughter lives with you or other family?" she questioned.

"My daughter lives with me..." I confirmed. "I have a nanny and my sister also lives with me..." Yvette seemed pleased to hear this.

"That is lovely that you care for her yourself..." she replied. "It speaks well of you..." she remarked. Dom smiled hearing her mother's opinion.

"I love my daughter...she is very important to me..." I assured her. "I also have a nephew who lives with me as well...he is like a son to me..." I informed her. I felt compelled to mention Jimi and Dom reached down and squeezed my knee as I spoke.

"You seem fairly grounded for a pop star...." Yvette commented. The waiter appeared carrying a tray and set down a large plate of meat, cheeses, fruit and savory biscuits. He placed small plates in front of each of us and disappeared.

"I've enjoyed myself...but I try to be responsible..." I said and tried not to smirk as I recalled my recent arrest. I focused on plating some of the appetizer.

Yvette continued to ask questions about myself as well as how I met her daughter. I was fairly honest in my answers as our food courses were served. My lamb dish was delicious and so was the wine. I had found this encounter pretty easy to manage and we were all relaxed and enjoying each others company. Dom and I both talked about the ski trip we went on and our work together on my solo music career. It felt pretty believable and we were at ease as we spoke.

The time arrived to end our lunch and the waiter arrived to check on us. I gestured to him.

"I'll have the bill please..." I said quietly. He nodded and handed me the check. Yvette gave me a congenial expression as I produced my credit card and handed it to the waiter. He returned and I signed for our meal and pocketed my card. Dom and Yvette were chatting in French as I took the last sip of my wine. Yvette stood up and we did also. She smiled at me as she collected her handbag.

"Roger...it has been a pleasure to get to know you..." she told me as she stepped towards me and we shared a chaste kiss. I was a bit surprised at her forwardness but she is French so I accepted it graciously and smiled back.

"I've enjoyed this myself..." I agreed as Dom wrapped her arm around her mother's and we began walking from the restaurant. The front door was opened for us as I slid on my sunglasses. I felt like we had successfully charmed her mother and I wore a satisfied smile as we stepped out in the afternoon sun.

"Are you going back in the morning?" Yvette asked us both. I nodded to her.

"Yes...I'm afraid I need to get back in the studio...I'm on a deadline..." I explained. She nodded understanding and leaned in and kissed her daughter. She then let go of Dom; who walked to my side and I wrapped my arm around her. Wanting to seem natural together. Yvette smiled at us both.

"I like you Roger..." she remarked in her pronounced French accent. "You make a good pair..." she told us. I squeezed my arm around Dom and smiled at her. Pleased she was happy. I knew Dom would be.

"Dom is a charming woman...." I replied. "A lot like you..." I said and gave her my best smile. It seem to strike the right chord with her. I then noticed Yvette was looking at us with a level of expectancy. I wondered what it was about but then felt Dom turn towards me and press her lips to mine. I was surprised by her action but knew we needed to keep up our ruse. I kissed back and leaned into it. Wanting it to seem natural and genuine. It wasn't bad at all. I did enjoy it. We parted quickly and Yvette waved goodbye as she walked over to a waiting car.

"A bientot!" she told us as she got in the back. We waved and watched her drive away. Dom was smiling widely as we began our walk back to the hotel.

"That seemed like a success..." I remarked. Dom appeared pleased and nodded.

"Yes...I think so...." she said and then looked at me with regret.

"Sorry about the kiss..." she told me. "I could tell she was expecting it and I went with it..." she advised. I shrugged it off.

"It's alright..." I replied. "No harm done..." I said and smiled at her to reassure her it was fine. We were silent for most of the walk. I was taking in the sights and she seemed to be pensive about something. We reached the hotel and we stopped at the desk as she checked for any messages. She had a few and we headed upstairs. She was reading one when she smiled and looked up at me.

"Nicholas called..." she announced. "You met him when we were skiing..." she reminded me. I nodded. I did remember him. We had an engaging discussion about nuclear matters.

"Yes..." I replied. "He was the one who was talking about nuclear energy..." I added. She smiled at me.

"That's right...he's in town for the week and wondered if we were free for dinner..." she advised. We hadn't made plans but did have an early flight in the morning.

"As long as we aren't out too late..." I told her.

"I'll give him a call..." she replied and seemed excited about our plans.
--------------------------------

18th June 1983

Surrey

Brian's POV

I had started the ball rolling on actually making an album with my recordings from the sessions in Los Angeles. I called Jim Beach about the legal issues related to doing this since it involved Eddie and some other people who were tied to different record labels. He said he would get someone on it for me. I also was getting in touch with the man who wrote the theme song to Star Fleet. Paul Bliss was his name and Jim was tracking him down for me as well. I was growing excited at the prospect of putting out a solo record. It wouldn't be a full fledged album but it was something. I had mentioned it to Roger in our last call and he was happy for me. He was engrossed in finishing his record since we had decided to start work on a new Queen album soon. I tried not to bother him too much right now but I do miss him. He called yesterday but I let the children speak to him for most of the time.

I had finished my work with Heavy Pettin and Mack had flown back to Munich. I was making some notes in my planner and looking over our calendar in my office at home. Roger said he would be back before my birthday so I was thinking of some things we might do to celebrate. I jotted down several ideas and grew excited at seeing him again and having some time alone.

I stopped and rubbed my hands across my biceps. I had started lifting some weights with Eddie's encouragement and they were sore from my workout. I groaned as I tried to dig into the tissue for some relief. I was interrupted by my phone. I dropped my hands down and sighed as I picked it up.

"Hello..."

"Hi Brian...it's Chrissie Mullen..." she announced. I was surprised to hear from her. It had been months since I ran into her.

"Hi Chrissie!" I replied with a smile. "How are you?" I asked.

"I'm doing okay..." she answered. "I've been trying to find some new things in my life to occupy me..." she advised.

"I'm glad to hear it..." I responded. "What have you found?" I asked with interest.

"I've started volunteering for a youth shelter in London..." she answered. "They house homeless and runaway teens..." she explained. "I work in their clinic to give basic medical care and help them get referrals if they need further treatment..." I was impressed with her benevolence.

"That's an admirable way to spend your time...good for you..." I told her.

"Thanks..." she replied. "I'm actually calling because of the shelter..." she told me. "I hope you don't consider it too forward...but I was wondering if I could ask for you to donate something for a benefit we are holding..." she explained.

"I'd be happy to..." I answered. "What are you looking for?" I questioned. "I can get you some autographed items from the band..." I suggested.

"Really?" she said in disbelief. "That would be marvelous!" she exclaimed. "We're trying to drum up some excitement for a dinner and auction and anything would help..." she advised.

"Give me the details and I will see what I can get you..." I said and jotted down the name and address of the shelter and the deadline for needing the items. She sounded so enthused and I felt good that I could make her feel better. She had seemed so deflated when I saw her.

"I'm glad you are doing better...and the shelter is lucky to have you..." I remarked as we finished with the details. I had taken her phone number in case I had any questions.

"Thank you..." she replied. "This means a lot to me and I knew you would help us out...you are such a kind and decent person..." she said. I was touched by her words.

"It's a wonderful cause..." I replied. "And I will always be happy to help you any way I can..." I said with gratitude.

"I'll wait to hear from you then..." she said. "Goodbye..." she told me and we hung up. I rang the line for Clare to see what she could arrange with the production office. She wasn't there and I left a message for her. I hung up and leaned back in my chair. Feeling good about being able to do something for Chrissie. I smiled as I got up from my chair and noted the time. I needed to collect the children from school but had an errand to run first.

---------------------------------

I pulled into the empty spot near the bookshop and went inside. I needed something new to read and went straight for the new releases shelf. I scanned the titles and wasn't very inspired but a smile formed on my face as I saw a new book in the children's section. It was a new title from Roald Dahl. 'The Witches.' I glanced over the back cover and decided to get it. I liked his other work and thought it was something I could share with the kids. I went and paid for it and headed out. I was thirsty and went inside the little shop near where I parked. I thought I would surprise the kids with some Cokes and grabbed three of them from the cooler. I walked up to the counter to pay and noticed the rack of magazines and newspapers. There was the usual array of red top papers; the tabloids. I scanned them out of habit to make sure I saw nothing related to myself or Queen. I was relieved as I found nothing. The new Melody Maker was out so I grabbed it and paid for my items.

I arrived at the school and had some time before school let out. I sat in the car and opened my drink and enjoyed a large sip. I picked up the magazine I purchased and began to flip through it. David Bowie was the cover story. His newest album was dominating the charts and he was really enjoying some major success.

I scanned the photos of some of the newer pop acts and felt a little old as I saw their youthful faces. I sighed as I flipped the pages. The cover had referenced a feature about RUSH and I was looking for it as I came across their small gossip section. It was usually just candid photos of music stars and sometimes a hint of speculation about their activities. I saw a picture of Elton at a party and one of the lead singer from a new act with an unusual name - Kajagoogoo. The photo that caught my eye was one of Roger. It was of him and Dominique. It wasn't the first time a picture of them had been published. We had been doing what Dom suggested and making sure there were opportunities for the press to get shots of us with our supposed female companions. I had recognized the occasions with previous pictures but this one was new to me. I read the small caption to find out what it was from.

'Queen member Roger Taylor looking cozy with companion Dominique Beyrand at a club in the city of love - Paris - May 1983.'

They were in Paris? Last month? It was the first I had heard of it. I had spoke to Roger several times this month and he made no mention of seeing Dominique. He certainly hadn't said anything about a trip to Paris. I felt my stomach churn as I looked over the picture again. The caption was right. They did seem cozy and it was an entirely believable image of them out together as a couple. What were they doing in Paris and why hadn't Roger mentioned it to me? I hated the feelings of jealousy and mistrust that swelled inside me. Why had I bought this bloody magazine? I tossed it over into the passenger seat and ran my hand through my hair. I took a deep breath and looked up to see that classes were being let out. I sighed heavily as I opened my car door and proceeded to head over to greet my children.

I stood at the back of the group of parents and nannies as the kids came pouring out of the front doors. I was happy for the distraction as I looked out for Tiger Lily and Jimi. The children were noisy and in good spirits as they were greeted by their rides home. I spotted Jimi and waved. He saw me and headed my direction. I glanced around for signs of Tigs and then saw her linked arm in arm with her best friend. Lulu saw me first and told Tigs who then looked up at me.

Jimi reached me first. "Hey....how was your day?" I asked him as he adjusted his schoolbag on his shoulder. He smiled at me.

"It was good....we did numbers today..." he announced. Jimi liked school so far and no one subject they had covered seemed to be a problem for him. I patted his head and smiled at him.

"Do you have any worksheets?" I asked him. He held up one finger.

"Just one..." he advised. Tiger Lily arrived with Lulu and they both beamed at me.

"Hi Daddy!" Tigs said sweetly.

"Hello you two..." I said back. "How are you today Lulu?" I asked her friend.

"Fine...thanks..." she replied. I looked around for Lulu's nanny and didn't see her.

"Don't forget Lu is coming with us...." Tigs reminded me. I had forgot we had arranged a playdate after school. I nodded and gestured towards the car.

"Oh right...let's go then..." I told them. We got in the car and I realized I had only purchased two other bottles of Coke. I felt bad as Jimi saw them and reached for one.

"Are these for us?" he asked.

"Yes...though I'm afraid I forgot that Lulu was coming home with us today....sorry..." I said as Tiger Lily took her bottle. She shrugged at me.

"She can share with me..." Tigs informed me. She pulled off the cap and handed the bottle to her friend.

Thanks Mr. May..." Lulu said politely. I smiled at her as they climbed in the back seat together.

----------------------------------

We got home and the girls disappeared upstairs. Jimi sat at the kitchen table and wanted to get his worksheet completed. I sat with him to see what his instructions were and he had it figured out. I went upstairs to find some paracetamol as my arms were still sore and I had a mild headache forming. I heard music coming from Tiger Lily's room and hoped they were doing their homework. I took my pills and then went down to my daughter's bedroom. The door was ajar and I found it was empty. I smiled as I realized she had a record playing and it was our album, Sheer Heart Attack.

'Where have they gone?' I wondered out loud as I checked the other bedrooms. I reached Roger's bedroom and heard some noise and opened the door. The noise was coming from his closet so I went in and opened the door to find Tiger Lily standing there with Lulu. They had some of Roger's clothes laying about on the floor and Lulu was wearing one of his old stage outfits. She had put on his satin cream colored cropped jacket and a pair of his sunglasses. Both were too big on her but she seemed to love wearing them. Tiger Lily was standing there in Roger's red and black striped blazer. It seemed more like a dress on her. She had on a pair of glasses as well.

"What are you doing in here?" I asked them in a firm manner. They were not supposed to be in his room; let alone his wardrobe.

"We're playing rock star!" Tiger Lily responded and flipped her long hair and gave me a confident look that reminded me of Roger. I wanted to be cross with her because she was in here without permission. I needed to reprimand them both. A smile formed on my lips though. They both looked so cute. I suddenly wished Roger was here to see them.

"You shouldn't be going through Papa's things without his permission..." I said to them and Tiger Lily pulled off her sunglasses and looked up at me with those long lashes and piercing blue eyes.

"Sorry..." she said but didn't sound very sincere. Lulu seemed a bit regretful and she went to pull off the satin jacket. I felt bad for ruining their pretend game.

"Hang on..." I said and stopped Lulu from removing the jacket. "I want to get a picture before you take it off..." I confessed. Tiger Lily grinned as I left the room and went to get my camera from my bedroom. I rushed back with it and found them preening in front of the mirror.

"We're ready!" Tiger Lily announced. I pulled off the cap and eyed them through the lens. Both of them started vamping about and I laughed as I took a few pictures. I finished and got them to take off the garments and hang up the things they had left scattered on the floor. The girls returned to the bedroom to do their homework and I went inside the room I share with Roger.

I sat down on the sofa and started thinking about the picture of him and Dominique from earlier today. I hated the feelings it stirred up inside me. I decided I needed to resolve my problem so I reached over and picked up the phone. I decided to take a chance and see if I could reach him. I dialed his hotel in Montreux and took a deep breath. There was no answer. I hung up and considered calling the studio. It was probably where he was. Where he should be right now. He had left home to work on his album. I instantly felt annoyed that he had taken a trip while away from home. And with her. I then realized he had taken a trip with her last time he was away from home. They had gone skiing together when he abandoned work on his record.

Unwelcome ideas bubbled in my head and I picked up the phone again and dialed the number for Mountain Studios. I waited as the phone rang and tried to come up with what I was going to say. Ask him. It finally answered.

"Mountain Studios....this is Dave..."

"Hi Dave...it's Brian May..."

"Oh hi Brian!"

"Is Roger there?"

"Yeah...hang on a minute..."

I sat and fumbled over the words I would say to him and waited for Roger to come on the phone. It got picked up and I felt a little panicked.

"Sorry Brian...he's busy at the moment and says he'll call you back..."

For some reason it felt like a rejection to me. I swallowed before answering. But then a touch of anger swept through me.

"Tell him not to bother..." I said and hung up the phone.

Chapter Text

*** Watch for changes in the POV in this chapter.

18th June 1983

Montreux Switzerland

Roger's POV

I finished my track in the studio and decided to call it a day. I had been fighting a headache since morning and finally gave in to it. Dave was wrapping things up as I grabbed my bag and found Crystal. "I'm heading out..." I announced.

"Don't forgot that Brian May called for you..." Dave told me as I went for the door. I nodded to him.

"I'll call him from my hotel...thanks..." I replied. We had not told Dave about us,so I kept things professional. Crystal and I headed out to the rental car and he slipped in the driver's seat.

"Do you need to stop for anything?" he asked. I shook my head as I rubbed my temples. Grateful for my sunglasses on this bright afternoon.

"No...just want to lay down for a bit...my head is still throbbing..." I mumbled as Crystal started the car and took off. He arrived at the hotel and we parted ways as I entered my suite. I shed my clothes and decided on a shower to try and shake off my headache. I put on a robe and turned off the room lights as I laid on the bed and closed my eyes. Hoping for a respite from my cranial torture.

I fell asleep at some point and woke up to just a dull presence of pain in my skull and a rumbling stomach. My appetite had been marred by my head earlier today. I got up and found the room service menu and called for something to eat. I got some water and drank half a glass before I remembered I needed to call Brian. I picked up the phone and sighed heavily.

"Hello..."

"It's me..."

"Hey Rog...about time you called..." Brian sounded annoyed; which only served to make me annoyed.

"Sorry...I finished at the studio but have had a killer headache all day and I came back to the hotel to lay down and I fell asleep..." I reported and rubbed at my temples as I rested the phone against my shoulder.

"Any better?" Brian asked me in a nicer tone. I appreciated his empathy.

"Yes...not completely gone though..." I responded. "Dave said you called...what's up?" I asked as I decided to lay down on the bed again.

"I wanted to talk to you about something...but to be honest...if you've got a headache now is not the time..." he answered. I instantly wondered what he wanted to discuss that might be marred by my headache.

"What is it Brian?" I asked him. "Just tell me anyway..." I requested.

"It can wait for another time..." he said but I knew from his tone that it was something pressing at him. I didn't need him stewing about it so I pressed him for it.

"Go ahead...really...I mean it..." I said with a bit more enthusiasm in my voice. Brian sighed in the phone and it went right through me.

"No...because you'll just be annoyed with me and we'll probably get into a fight..." he grumbled. I was annoyed now that he had already started a battle to get to the heart of why he called.

"Just fucking tell me already!" I shouted as I lost my patience with him.

"Fine!" he shouted back. "Were you going to tell me that you went to Paris with Dominique?" he suddenly questioned. I don't know how he knew about the trip but I guess it didn't matter. He knows.

"Brian...I was in Paris with Dom because we had lunch with her Mother..." I told him truthfully as I closed my eyes and rubbed at my temples.

"Are you sure it was just lunch?" he asked me and sounded like it was a challenge. I wasn't sure what he was getting at.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snapped back.

"There's a picture of you both at some Paris nightclub looking quite cozy together..." Brian responded smugly.

"We met a friend of hers that night...it was nothing..." I replied and felt irritated at being interrogated over something that meant absolutely nothing.

"If it was nothing then why didn't you tell me about it?" he barked back. "Why are sneaking away on trips to Paris with her if there is nothing to it?" he questioned. I realized I had made a mistake in not telling him.

"Look...I went to Paris with Dom as a favor...she asked me to have lunch with her Mother to keep her off her back about finding a boyfriend..." I explained. "I owed her a favor and did it to help her out..." I said honestly.

"Why did you owe her a favor?" he then questioned. I realized then I was stuck because I hadn't told him what happened in Monaco. I had to come clean about everything. I know he is going to blow up more than he already has. Fuck!

"I owed her a favor because she came and bailed me out when I got arrested in Monaco..." I confessed.

"Wait! You got arrested in Monaco?" he yelled. I cringed as I waited for the explosion. Waiting for him to start screaming at me. But then I heard the phone disconnect. He hung up on me! Fuck!

---------------------------

Brian's POV

I slammed the phone down as I didn't want to hear anything more from him. It seemed it was lies stacked upon lies. I got up from my chair and began to pace the floor in my study. I felt like my life was in repeat and I was back to a place again where Roger was cheating on me. I hated him right now and I hated myself for ending up here all over again.

The telephone started ringing again and I knew it was him. I walked out of my office and went to go back to the living room where we had all been watching a program. But I was too upset. I hoped none of them heard me yelling on the phone. I walked to the living room and leaned inside and found them all comfortable on the couches. Mia looked up at me when I appeared.

"I'm going to take a walk..." I announced and tried to sound nonchalant. She nodded understanding so I turned and went to front door of the house. I stepped out and saw the sun was just starting to set as I took off down the paved drive. My head was swimming with notions of everything I had heard on the phone from Roger. It made me wonder if he had been having an affair with her. It made me wonder how long it might have been going on. I felt like a complete fool and kicked at a rock near the side of the path. Here I was again! Finding out Roger lied and wondering if he had done it to me again. Cheated! I looked up at the slip of the sun on the horizon and wondered if my relationship with him was slipping away as well. My stomach twisted up and my chest felt heavy as tears formed in my eyes. I kept walking as I wasn't going to have this meltdown in front of my family. I turned onto the grass path to avoid the sun and felt lost and bewildered. I'm only 35 years old but I felt aged and weary for some reason. I wasn't sure I could endure another round of forgiveness and going forward with Roger. I'm not sure I had it in me.

----------------------------------------

Roger's POV

I knew I had fucked up and I didn't blame him for hanging up on me. I tried to call back but he didn't answer. No surprise there. I finally gave up and hung up the phone.

'Fuck...' I grumbled out loud. I had to do something but I'm 600 miles away! I needed help. I grabbed the phone again and dialed a different number.

"Hello..."

"Hey Clare...it's me..."

"Hey Rog...how are things in the studio?" she asked me.

"The studio is good...I've got a problem though and I need your help..." I told her.

"Well I am your paid assistant...what do you need?" she replied with a touch of sarcasm.

"It's Brian..." I said. "I think I fucked up..." I confessed. "We had a fight on the phone and he hung up..." I heard Clare sigh in the phone.

"What did you do Rog?" she asked me and I could hear the judgement in her voice. It irked me that she assumed I had always been the reason for an argument.

"Why do you think I'm always the reason we have a fight?" I questioned back in a short tone. She remained silent and I felt her judgement all over again.

"Well..." she said. "You said you think you fucked up Roger...what did you do?" she repeated. Fuck! I had already admitted it.

"I failed to tell him I took a trip to Paris with Dominique in May and he found out..." I responded.

"And why did you fail to mention it?" she asked me. I knew I had to come completely clean with her if I was going to get her to help me.

"It all started when I went to Monaco..." I began and told her the entire story of events as they happened. Right up to our fight and Brian hanging up. She listened quietly until I finished.

"And I didn't tell Brian because I didn't want to hear about it...but I guess that was a mistake because now it's all this!" I exclaimed as I finished my telling. There was silence on her end and I wondered if she was still there. Then she spoke.

"Roger...how long have you been with Brian now?" she asked me. That was easy.

"14 years..." I replied.

"And after all this time you still don't understand that when you lie to him it makes his mind always go to the worst case scenario?" she reminded me. She was right.

"I'm not here to disagree with you Clare...you're right...just tell me what I can do to fix this..." I requested.

"You need to ask Brian that...not me..." she responded. "But I can tell you this..." she offered. "There is a history there with Dominique...you have to understand that he is probably thinking you've been having an affair with her..." she advised. "And I want you to tell me the truth Roger...is there something going on between you?" she bluntly asked.

"Nothing!" I replied without hesitation. "I swear on my children's lives!" I said to emphasize it.

"I'm sorry Rog....I had to ask..." she said and sounded sincere in her apology. "I just want to say that when I've seen you with her there is something about the two of you...a chemistry or something..." she commented. "I know you are trying to do things to be seen in public as a couple...but the illusion is pretty believable!" she remarked. I hadn't realized that.

"It is?" I questioned back.

"Yes..." she replied. "So I get why Brian might find it easy to believe you were cheating with her...especially when you lie to him..." I gulped at her comment. I wondered if Dom had feelings for me that I wasn't seeing.

"I didn't realize that..." I said back. "I guess I need to get Brian to speak to me..." I told her. "I tried to call him back but he didn't answer. "I'll let him calm down and try again..." I suggested.

"And some flowers or another gesture of apology might help matters..." she advised.

"Yeah..." I agreed and took a deep breath. "I'll do that...thanks..." I said. "I'll let you know how it goes..." I said and Clare laughed.

"I think I'll know how things go from here..." she pointed out. I laughed back.

"I guess you will...sorry..." I said to her. Knowing she would have to deal with some aspect of this as our shared assistant. "Thanks again...." I said and hung up.

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19th June 1983

Brian's POV

I didn't sleep well but still got up and drove the children to school. It wasn't their fault my relationship might be in tatters. I put on a smile and tried to be cheery as I watched them get out of the car and head inside. I drove back home and my sullen mood returned. I went inside to find Mia cleaning up breakfast and the weekly visit from housekeeping was taking place.

I went to my office to hide and decided to go through my morning post to distract me. There was some business correspondence from Guild Guitars and a letter from Trevor and Wilkie. I read it and smiled at the news of them planning a brief holiday with friends in Ireland. I envied them and wished I had better relationships with my friends. My time always seemed absorbed by Queen and by my children and Roger. Roger! I set the letter aside for him to read when he gets back and then wondered if he was coming back. I shook my head to shake the thought from my brain. My mind was working overtime on ruminations and I picked up more post to try and ignore it.

There was something that looked like an invitation. I tore the envelope and pulled out a notice on heavy cardstock. It was the announcement of the benefit for the shelter Chrissy had contacted me about. It was next month. I wanted to make sure my donation was all arranged. I got up and headed for Clare's home office.

I knocked on her door even though she had it open.

"Come on in..." she replied. I stepped in and found her sorting through a large stack of mail. She looked up and smiled at me. "Good morning..." she said as she placed an envelope in a particular wire basket.

"Morning..." I replied and leaned against the wall by her desk. "I was just wanting to check on that donation for the shelter benefit..." I stated. "It's in a few weeks and I wanted to make sure it was all arranged..." Clare nodded and set down the mail she was sorting. She opened a notebook and flipped to a page with a bookmark on it.

"Yes...I confirmed with Robert at Queen Productions that they will deliver the items at 3pm the day at the benefit...it's all arranged..." she advised me. I smiled at her.

"Thanks Clare..." I said gratefully. She sat on the edge of her desk and looked at me intently.

"I spoke to Roger last night..." she announced. I frowned hearing that she evidently knew we had a fight.

"Oh..." I said in response.

"He told me what happened and I want you to know I'm not taking sides on this..." she informed me. "Since I formally work for you both now it just seems unfair to do so...and it's unfair to me to be completely honest..." she remarked. I could appreciate her position. Mia never took sides either.

"I understand..." I told her. "Don't worry...I won't try and drag you into this..." I assured her. She smiled at me.

"Thanks..." she replied. "I do just want to say that I think it's important for you both to talk about things and really listen to each other..." she suggested. "Him as much as you..." she added. I took that to mean she thought we might both be in the wrong. I always felt Clare was quite astute in her assessments about us. I smiled at her.

"I'll consider your advice..." I responded. I didn't want her taking sides but I really valued her opinion though and took a chance. "Clare...this is not me asking you to take sides...but can I ask if you think there is something between him and Dominique?" I asked plainly. "I just want to know if my head is getting the best of me..." I confessed. She gave me a confident look.

"I did ask him what I know you're thinking about and I do believe him..." she revealed. It helped to know she felt he was being truthful about the bigger concern I had. My deepest worry.

"Thanks..." I said and turned to leave the room. Feeling better about the situation overall but still disappointed he had lied to me.

------------------------------------

Roger's POV

"Can you get those delivered right away?" I requested.

"Yes...we can probably have it there by the afternoon..." the woman assured me. I smiled hearing it.

"Brilliant! Thanks!" I said and closed my address book and hung up the phone. I checked my watch and got up from the bed and looked for my shoes. I knew Crystal was waiting on me. I found the ones I wanted to and got them on and collected my things for the day. I rushed out of my suite and down to the lobby. We arrived at the studio and I hurried inside.

"Sorry Dave..." I told him as I entered the control booth. He leaned back in his rolling chair and smiled at me.

"It's fine..." he responded. "We working on Strange Frontier today?" he asked me. I nodded as I set down my bag and pulled out my cigarettes and lighter.

"Yes...let me get settled and we can get going..." I replied. Crystal came in with a cup of coffee for me. I took it and had a sip. Crystal sat down on the leather sofa in the back and sipped his own coffee.

"You doing vocals or do you need something else?" Crystal inquired. I shook my head.

"Just vocals today..." I confirmed. The telephone rang and Dave answered. I pulled some throat lozenges from my bag.

"It's for you Roger....Dominique..." he announced. I had considered calling her last night but preferred to nurse my headache.

"I'll take it in the breakroom..." I advised and walked from the room. I went in and pressed the flashing light on the wall phone and picked up the handset.

"Hey Dom..."

"Hi Roger...I wanted to call to update you about an interview I scheduled for you with a drummer's magazine..." she advised.

"Good...I also need to talk to you..." I replied.

"Oh!" she said. "What is it? she asked. Sounding curious.

"I needed to let you know that Brian found out about the trip to Paris and we had a fight...so I wanted to let you know that he knows about everything and if you see him he might be a bit unpleasant..." I explained. "It's my fault that I didn't tell him...but I wanted you to know..."

"Alright..." she said and seemed troubled by it. "I hope everything's okay between you..." she commented.

"Well...he hung up on me last night and I'm sending him flowers and an apology today..." I answered. "I know he thinks there is something going on between us and I just need to convince him that isn't the case..." I explained. I sat on the stool by the phone and leaned against the wall; rubbing my shoulder. I wished I had my cigarettes with me.

"Roger...I know you told me you didn't tell Brian about Monaco because you felt he would be cross with you...but why did you not tell him about Paris?" she asked me. I wasn't sure what to say. I guess I felt it just led to me admitting what happened in Monaco.

"I didn't want to have to tell him I owed you a favor because I would have to reveal what happened in Monaco..." I answered.

"But now you've made it worse for yourself....when you haven't done anything wrong..." she pointed out. "It's just my opinion but I can understand why he might question your motives..." she said to me. Her words made me think about why I did this. I felt stupid. I didn't think beyond the moment I wanted to avoid him being annoyed with me.

"You're right..." I replied. "I didn't think..."

"I think the flowers are a nice touch..." Dom remarked. It made feel me a little better.

"Oh yeah?' I responded.

"It's a good start..." she clarified. I laughed. "May I suggest something else you might do?"

"Please..." I responded and listened to her suggestion.

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Brian's POV

I turned the radio on and then did some stretches. Like Eddie had instructed. I warmed my muscles up and then reached over and picked up the hand weights. A new song began on the radio. It was Michael Jackson's hit song, 'Wanna Be Starting Somethin.' It made me wonder how things had gone with Freddie going into the recording studio with him. I was keen to know as I began to do my curls. I missed Freddie and considered calling him when I finished my workout.

After working my biceps I sat down on my bench and prepared to do some lifts. I reached for the barbell and heard a noise behind me. The door to the room opened and I was shocked to find Dominique standing there. What was she doing here?

"Hi Brian..." she said as she walked in the room. I grabbed my towel from the bench.

"Hi!' I said with surprise. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I wanted to come in person to offer you an apology..." she announced. I couldn't help but notice how fantastic she looked. Her long dark hair was so shiny and thick. Her skin is flawless and she wore a light blue dress with low heels. I could understand why anyone was attracted to her. She's lovely. It didn't help my internal fear that she might be here to tell me she was taking Roger from me.

"An apology?" I questioned. I was pretty sure I knew why she was here but was worried about what she felt she had to apologize for. It made me anxious.

"Yes..." she confirmed. "I want to tell you I'm sorry for putting Roger in a difficult position with you..." she stated. Her choices of words still left me on edge. I wiped at my face with the towel and stood up.

"And what position would that be?" I asked her as I walked over to the small water cooler I kept here and filled a paper cup with some water. She watched me as I moved around. I hoped my hands didn't appear to be shaky; like I felt inside.

"That I asked him to help me out with a problem with my Mother and he felt he had to lie to you about it..." she said frankly. I was going to take a drink but stopped when I heard her.

"He said he had lunch with you and your Mother..." I replied so she would know that I was aware of some aspects of what she was referring to. She nodded.

"Yes...he did..." she confirmed. "I ask Roger if he would mind accompanying me to Paris to meet my Mother...because she had seen the clippings about us being a couple and believed them and she wanted to meet my boyfriend..." she explained. An expression of mild embarrassment formed on her face. "You see Brian...I'm over 30 now and divorced with no children...and my Mother thinks my best years are behind me..." Part of me felt bad for her and part of me wondered if she was saying this to distract me from them possibly being involved.

"So you wanted him to pretend to be your boyfriend to assuage your Mother?" I asked with a hint of annoyance at her reasoning. She smirked at me.

"I believe you and Roger have Clare and I pretend to be your girlfriends to assuage the public..." she reminded me. She had me there.

"Your point is?" I said back to show I was still upset at the situation.

"My point is I asked Roger to help me out...as a friend...to satisfy my Mother for the time being..." she said and walked closer to me. "And I know he didn't tell you about it because he was worried what you might think..." I looked at her intently.

"Well what would you think if you were in my shoes?" I questioned back. She kept her eyes locked on mine.

"I would think something was going on..." she agreed. "But I'm here to tell you that nothing is going on..." she said in a direct manner. "I am not sleeping with him and I am not interested in him romantically..." she added.

"But you like him..." I said as a challenge. It was clear she liked him. Who doesn't? I struggled to believe her. She gave me a look of amusement.

"Of course I like him!" she responded. "He's charming and funny and a good listener..." she told me. "He's quite intelligent..." she added.

"And beautiful...." I reminded her. She smiled at me and reached over and patted my chest.

"And beautiful..." she agreed. "Yes...he's quite handsome..." she said as she looked at me. "And he belongs to you Brian..." she said sincerely. "He's in love with you..." she reminded me. I felt heartened by her words. Hoping she was telling me the truth and not trying to cover for him.

"How do I know you're not just telling me what I want to hear? I asked her directly. She looked at me with a confident expression.

"If I really wanted him for myself....I'd already have him..." she answered. I believed her.

"I just hope you can appreciate it's hard for me when I see you and Roger off skiing together or flying to the States and having your picture taken in a nightclub in Paris..." I remarked. "I'm at home with the kids and seeing this while I'm sitting here waiting for him to come back..." I complained.

"Why are sitting at home waiting for him?" she questioned back. "Why aren't you out doing things without him? Making friends and enjoying life?" Dom sat down on the table and crossed her legs and her arms across her chest. I didn't have an answer for her so I remained silent.

"Brian...to me it seems like you rely on Roger too much to be everything in your life..." she opined. "Your lover, your best friend, your co-parent, your bandmate, your everything..."

"What's wrong with that?" I asked her; feeling like she was judging me somehow.

"I would find that suffocating if someone expected me to be all that for them..." she remarked.

"Do you think I'm suffocating him?" I asked her with fear in my heart that it might be the truth.

"I think at times he feels overwhelmed by it all..." she said with honesty. It wasn't what I wanted to hear but I wondered if I needed to.

"I guess I need to give him some breathing room..." I finally said after thinking about it all. She smiled at my answer.

"Breath gives us oxygen and when we have plenty of oxygen we have more energy to live...to love..." she said. It made so much sense. She uncrossed her arms and legs and patted her thighs before she stood up.

"I need to go...I have a meeting in London with Mr. Bowie..." she declared. I was surprised at how I felt about her as she went to leave. I had been prepared to hear she was having an affair with my husband and was taking him away from me. Now I was assured there was nothing of the sort going on and she offered some sound advice for my relationship with Roger. It felt odd.

"Thanks Dom..." I said as she looked at me. She surprised me by stepping towards me; offering a hug.

"If you ever doubt his love for you...I want you to know that he spoke of nothing but you and how much you mean to him the entire trip from Switzerland to L.A. ..." she revealed as we embraced. It did restore my faith in him.

"He means everything to me..." I replied and held her tight.

----------------------------------------

12th July 1983

London

Roger's POV

I stepped out of the limo first and waited as Dom slid over and got out behind me. I instantly took her hand as we stood and waited for our double date. The limo behind us stopped and I watched as the back door was opened and Brian stepped out and stood there as Clare got out behind him. Brian took her hand and we walked up to meet at the edge of the red carpet. The press cameras began to make their shuttering sounds and flashes went off as we stood and posed for a moment so they could take their shots. I was on one end wearing black jeans and a white button down shirt under a dark red jacket. Brian stood at the other end wearing some new blue jeans that were much tighter than jeans he had worn in the past. I really liked them. They showed off his assets. He had on that ridiculous space t-shirt and a blue jacket over it. Clare was wearing a sundress with a cardigan sweater over it and Dom had on a silk green romper with low heels.

We tired of the cameras and began to walk into the lobby of the cinema. It was a charity showing of a recent film release and Dom had bought four tickets for me to give Brian as a birthday present. Maybe it was some kind of apology as well. We stopped and mingled for a bit with some other celebrities and grabbed some popcorn and drinks. Brian was in high spirits and we split up a bit as he spoke with a guitarist from a new pop act that was elated to meet him. Dom and I trailed off to chat with a stage actor she knew. I then noticed Brian meeting one of the film's cast members and he was posing for a picture with them. I was happy to see him having so much fun.

The lights flickered to announce it was time to get seated so we all headed into the auditorium to take our seats. We met up with Brian and Clare at the door and walked in together. Casually. We found some seats on the side and I let Dom go in and take a seat. I followed her in and Brian followed. Clare sat on his other side and we all got settled as the lights dimmed.

I couldn't believe I was going to sit through this fucking film! But I guess that is what we do for love, right? That all too familiar music began and I noticed Brian sit up in his seat; excited for his film to start. His eyes were shining even though the room was dark.

The story line started rolling up from the bottom of the screen; just like it had on the other two films and I saw Brian peering in the darkness to read it. I didn't bother. It was more entertaining watching him. I glanced up at the screen in time to see the film title. There it was! 'Return of The Jedi.' I had heard it was the final film in the Star Wars series. I prayed it was!

I returned to watching Brian as the credits ended and the actual film footage began. I noticed him tense up with excitement and clench his hands into fists. He gets so involved in these stupid movies; but I have to admit there is a part of me that finds it endearing. He's like a child in a way. I grinned at his reaction and then casually leaned forward and pulled my jacket off. I laid it across my lap and waited for a moment. I observed that everyone around me seemed mesmerized with the film. So a took a chance. I moved my jacket around slowly until part of it laid over the armrest between Brian and myself. I waited another moment and then slid my hand underneath it. I then gently poked him in the arm.

Brian turned to look at me and then down at my jacket. The smile that erupted on his face was better than this film would ever be for me. Brian turned back to watch the movie and slowly slid his hand under my jacket. I took his hand in mine and relaxed. I may not enjoy this movie; but I always liked holding my husband's hand; especially in public.

Chapter Text

4th September 1984

London

Tiger Lily's POV

I finally got the present I had wanted for years. It wasn't going to cost them anything. I had begged for this and was told I was too young. But now I'm ten and I finally got it!

"Here's your backstage pass and you cannot take this off for anything..." Papa told me as he placed the cord around my neck. "Promise me you will listen to Clare and Dom and do what they say!" I nodded. I would. I was so happy I was here and finally getting to see my Papa and Daddy perform, I would do whatever they asked.

I had been to a few soundchecks in the past but was never allowed to see the actual concert. 'Too dangerous...too loud...to raucous...' were some of the reasons. My favorite silly reason was 'a lot of bad language!' Ha! Like my Papa's day to day speech isn't peppered with bad language? But that is in the past because I am finally seeing Queen tonight!

Daddy was leaning over and checking his eye makeup in a mirror as I sipped my can of Coke. It was funny to see him put on makeup and fuss over his hair so much. But I guess they all were. Papa had been seated in a chair earlier and some man was styling his hair. Uncle Deacy had got his hair permed last winter and it now was like a giant puffy cloud. It was as big as Daddy's hair. Papa like to tease him about it. I think he looked kind of cute.

Uncle Freddie was sitting and sipping a drink as Phoebe helped him put his shoes on. He caught me looking at him and grinned. He waved at me.

"Come here princess..." he told me. I scooted off my chair and walked over to him. I leaned against the barber style chair he was seated in. Freddie looked me over with approval. "I still can't believe you are 10 Tiger Lily..." he said and looked a little sentimental. "I can remember when you were still in nappies and your Daddy wouldn't ever let anyone else hold you..." Freddie teased. I grinned back at him and looked at his manicured hands. His moustache was perfect and his skin was so nice. I always thought he was handsome like a prince from one of my fairy tale books. Papa and Daddy are handsome but Uncle Freddie is extra handsome in his stage outfits. He was wearing red leather trousers and a white vest. A black leather jacket with big white arrows on it hung on the wall next to him. Phoebe was tying his Adidas trainers.

"I'm too big to hold now..." I pointed out and Freddie brought a hand up to his heart.

"Don't tell your Papa or Daddy that...it will break their hearts..." he told me and sighed. "At least Deacy has a baby we can coo over..." he remarked as he glanced over at Aunt Ronnie. She was holding Joshua and talking to Dominique. Uncle Deacy and Aunt Ronnie had him last December. They already had three before him. I liked Robert and Michael was okay. Laura and I were so far apart in age and she was shy like her father. And Joshua is just a baby. Michael gets along pretty well with Jimi. They are close in age and both like school a lot. I like hanging out with Mia and Clare and Dom is a lot of fun. The person that is funniest is Crystal. He and Papa are always laughing and joking about something and they even play tricks on people sometimes. Crystal was talking to my Aunt Clare right now. We were getting ready to go out to our seats for the concert. "Just remember sweetie that you were the first little Queenie and you will always be our little princess..." Freddie told me with a tenderness that made me smile.

"I'll always be your princess Freddie...don't worry..." I replied. He reached over and gently pinched my chin. I giggled at his affection.

"You need to start your warm ups..." Phoebe advised Freddie. He nodded as he handed him his cup and stood up from his chair. He winked at me as he was handed his leather jacket.

"Now you go on and enjoy the show..." Freddie told me as he slid his arms in the jacket. "I'll try and blow you a kiss..." he said and I smiled at him.

"Thanks..." I replied and watched as he began shaking his legs out and wiggling his arms. Warming up his body to prepare for the show.

"Hey Tigs!" I heard Papa and turned to see him gesturing at me to come over. "We've got Neal to take our picture..." he said. I rushed over and found Daddy was adjusting the big red sash around his waist. He was wearing it with his shiny white trousers. He looked so different than he did at home. He looked like a rock star. Papa always kind of looked that way but Daddy really looked like one today. It was cool.

"You look cool Daddy..." I told him. He beamed at me.

"Thanks poppet..." he said and I cringed and he caught himself and grimaced. "Sorry..." he said. When I turned 10 last month I asked if he could stop calling me that because it's a name for little girls and I am not a little girl anymore. He said he would, but he's had trouble remembering not to use it. I was trying to be patient with him. Papa said to give him time.

"It's okay..." I said to be nice. He squatted down and opened his arms to me and I went over and let him hug me. He gives really good hugs with his long arms.

"Thanks sweetheart...I'm trying..." he said as he held me and squeezed me close. I could smell the hairspray in his hair and it was odd. He usually never wore it. Papa did but not Daddy. I squeezed back before he let me go. He gazed at me lovingly and patted my head before he stood all the way up. He looks so tall in that stage outfit!

"Over here you two..." Papa told us. We walked over to a big empty wall and Neal, the guy who takes a lot of their pictures, was holding his camera and directing us how to stand.

"Just squat down and let her stand between you..." Neal suggested. Papa and Daddy got on either side of me and wrapped their arms around me.. We all smiled and Neal took the photos.

"Wait for me!" Uncle Deacy shouted and I looked up to see him rushing over as he kneeled down next to Papa. We all laughed as Papa tried to smash his hair. Uncle Deacy shoved his hand away and they both giggled as Neal took the picture.

"I guess it's not a group picture without the star!" Uncle Freddie remarked as he waltzed over to us. Papa rolled his eyes at him.

"The real star in this picture is her..." Papa retorted. Uncle Freddie got on Daddy's other side and leaned in as Neal prepared to take the picture.

"Say Queen!" Neal told us. We all smiled and said 'Queen!' and he took the picture.

--------------------------------------

"Come here a minute..." Papa told me and I walked over to him in the corner of the room. He squatted down and looked at me intently. "I wanted to tell you that Freddie is having some trouble with his voice right now and he may not be in top form..." he cautioned. "I just wanted you to know..." he said and sounded like I was going to be disappointed. I smiled at him.

"He's Freddie Mercury Papa! He'll be amazing no matter what!" I replied. He smiled at me and kissed my cheek.

"That's my girl!" he said and stood up as Clare and Dom came over so we could go. I waved to Daddy and Uncle Deaky. Uncle Freddie was in the other room doing his vocal warm ups. Crystal was on the stage making sure Daddy's drum set was ready. I took Clare's hand and we left the dressing room to head into the arena.

A bodyguard went with us as we got seated in the front row of the section right by my Daddy's side of the stage. We had a great view of where he would stand and I could see Papa's drums high up on their riser. The opening act had already played and Clare said the show would start pretty quickly. She and Dom were all dressed up for tonight. They both looked really pretty. I had worn my favorite pair of pink jeans and a new Queen t-shirt from the tour. I sat between them and I watched as Crystal finished with the drum set. He walked to the end of the large riser and I saw him wave at me. I was thrilled he saw me and waved back. He tapped his finger against his watch to tell me it was time. I felt a rush of excitement go through me.

The arena was packed full of fans and the lights dimmed. They began cheering and shouting and I loved how energetic they were. It made my own energy level go up. The music started and I recognized it was the song that Papa and Daddy had written together. Machines!

The lights started flashing and smoke began rising up from behind the stage. It was so cool! I felt butterflies in my stomach as I saw them appear on the stage. Daddy looked amazing holding Red as he took long strides around the stage. He was playing the opening to 'Tear It Up.' I could see Papa seated at his kit and he had worn that big white t-shirt that said 'Choose Life' on it. He had got it from a lady fashion designer and it was a statement about being against war and violence and destruction. I know that he and Uncle Freddie had some heated words about him wearing it because Freddie said they try not to be too political. I'm not sure what the means but Papa said everyone should be against war and violence and he was going to wear it. That's my stubborn Papa!

They did 'Tie Your Mother Down' next, which is a silly song my Daddy wrote. My Nana Ruth said that song is not about her. I really loved hearing Uncle Freddie and Papa sing 'Under Pressure' together. Seeing him play the drums and sing at the same time is so awesome! I love his voice. I love my Daddy's voice too and they all sound so good together. They sounded incredible singing 'Somebody To Love.'

I was up and dancing when Uncle Freddie sang 'Killer Queen.' It is one of my favorites. A few songs later Freddie got the entire audience singing with him. I sang along and so did Dom and Clare. Our security guard just stood with his arms folded across his chest and looked around. It took me by surprise when Freddie began singing in a really high pitch and I remembered him doing this at a soundcheck. He sang really high notes as the band jammed along. It was so cool! I don't know anyone who can sing that high. My Papa has a pretty high voice but Freddie sounds so smooth. Another favorite of mine from Sheer Heart Attack got played as well. 'Now I'm Here' was written by my Daddy and the guitar is really cool. Freddie was rocking out and running all over the stage.

When the song finished the stage went dark and then my Daddy was sitting on a stool with his acoustic guitar. He began speaking to the crowd. Then Freddie came back out and got on a stool and they sang that sweet song off their new album. It was beautiful! Everyone in the audience had lit up their cigarette lighters and were holding them up. Then Freddie stood up and sang 'Love of My Life' and the crowd all sang a long. I knew the words so I did too. I wished Lulu could have been here to sing with us. We liked singing it when we listened to the live record we have of Queen.

After the slow songs they did a lot of rocking songs. It was really cool to see them all rock out. Papa plays the drums so fast and hard. I sometimes wonder how he breathes and sings when he does that.

The band started using a keyboard player when they tour so Freddie can get up and move around more. I had met Spike and he was a neat guy. He played some cool stuff on his keyboards for me and he knew all the current songs on the radio too. He got to do a solo in the show and he played for a bit and then my Daddy began playing his crazy guitar stuff. He stood and thrashed away and I recognized some of it from 'Brighton Rock.' Lulu and I love that album. I really missed having Lulu though when they sang 'Another One Bites The Dust.' She really likes Uncle Deacy and he danced around a lot when he played.

They did so many songs and I was beyond thrilled when they performed 'Bohemian Rhapsody.' During the filmed bit when they play the video they left the stage and returned in new clothes. I jumped for joy when they began 'Radio Gaga.' My Papa's song! He finally got a single of his own and it had reached #2 in the UK charts but I was so proud when he told me he had reached number one in several countries in Europe. The best part was when the audience clapped during the chorus like the fans did in the music video. It showed me how much the fans loved the song and loved the band.

When the song ended the lights went out and the crowd began cheering for the band. They came back after a few minutes and sang 'I Want To Break Free.' Freddie came out wearing that pink sweater and his fake boobies. He flashed the audience and I laughed when he strutted around with his giant boobs sticking up. He also had on that black wig and looked so silly as he pranced about singing. Dom and Clare were laughing as much as I was.

When the song ended they went straight into Jailhouse Rock by Elvis Presley. Freddie tore off his shirt and boobs and began dancing around as he sang. The entire crowd was dancing and I noticed our security guard was slapping his hands against his thighs and getting into it.

They left the stage again and after a few minutes I heard my Papa playing the introduction to 'We Will Rock You.' It was so cool and he sounded so powerful. They played the song as the audience stomped and clapped their hearts out. Me included.

When they finished I saw Freddie walk to his piano. He sat down and I knew he was going to play 'We Are The Champions.'

"We'd like to dedicate this last song tonight to a special person in the audience..." Freddie said and my heart started beating fast as he turned on his piano bench and looked my way. "Someone here tonight is seeing Queen for the first time and she is special to each one of us..." he said next and I felt myself break into a huge smile as Clare wrapped her arm around me. "You fans mean the world to us but there is nothing dearer than family..." Freddie stated as I saw Papa and Daddy both look my way. "Happy birthday little Queenie...and Tiger Lily Taylor...tonight...you are the champion!" Freddie exclaimed as he blew me a kiss and I saw Papa and Daddy and Deacy blow me one as well. I thought I would cry from how much love I felt as the crowd cheered and Freddie began to play the song.

I sang my heart out along with everyone else in that arena and was so sad when the show was over. I applauded and cheered my parents and my Queen and truly felt like their Princess when the lights went up.

After the show I returned backstage with Dom and Clare and the security guard. I was bouncing with energy after seeing them perform and understood now what Papa talked about when he said they were wired after a show.

When I went into the dressing room I saw Papa putting on a bathrobe. His soaking wet shirt was on the bench next to him and his hair was damp and messy. He saw me and shouted.

"Hey! What did you think?" he asked me as I ran up to him and he picked me up. I looked into his red face and beamed at him.

"You were fucking amazing!" I told him as I couldn't think of a better way to describe it. He burst out laughing and I saw Daddy frown at me for cursing.

"Oh lay off Bri...it's rock and roll!" Papa snarled at him. We both gave him our best charmed smile to seek forgiveness and Daddy made a goofy face at us as he walked over and pressed a kiss to my cheek.

"You were brilliant!" I told him sincerely and he grinned at me. I could see some mischief in his eyes.

"We were pretty fucking good...weren't we?" he said back and Papa reached around and pinched his bottom. Daddy's eyebrows raised up in surprise.

"And you look pretty fucking good in those trousers..." Papa told him and I giggled at them both.

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5th September 1984

London Wembley Arena

Brian's POV

It was Freddie's birthday and our Wembley gig was like a 'Who's Who' of the London celebrity scene. Everybody was here. Mary Austin was on hand as Freddie's date and the audience was filled with people who knew Freddie professionally or personally. The show was so much fun and the fans knew it was his birthday and sang 'Happy Birthday' to him before we could begin playing 'Staying Power.' He was thrilled and began making cracks about his age during the show.

The fans also sang it again when we were preparing to do 'Love of My Life.' Freddie also received presents and a quite filthy birthday card from someone in the audience. He bantered with them and it was a nice evening for us all. Freddie was frustrated with some ongoing vocal issues, but the fans never let on they were bothered.

The fun really started after the show ended and we headed backstage to get cleaned up in a hurry. We left for an after show birthday party for him. We arrived at Xenon's nightclub in our separate cars and the festivities got under way. It was midnight but we were all amped up and ready for a good time.

As soon as Freddie arrived he was crowded by well-wishers and everyone was drinking and enjoying a late night meal. A large table housed an impressive stack of gifts and Freddie was escorted to a table where an enormous cake was laid out. It was in the shape of a Rolls Royce and even had the hood ornament. He was delighted with it and the caterers all lined up to watch as he was handed a knife and cut his cake after yet another round of 'Happy Birthday.'

Kenny Everett was there along with comedian Billy Connelly. Some of the old guard of 70's rock were present and Roger's good friend Rick Parfitt had rode over with him from the arena after the show. Clare came with me and Roger did have Dom with him. It had become quite the habit for us of late. Paired up for the public to see. While I had some issues at first with Dom, it had become more relaxed and I got to know her better. She was a genuinely nice person. I admired her independence and her work as a public relations consultant. She was a good example for Tiger Lily of what a woman could be. I was glad my daughter had this example along with Aunt Clare being her own woman. Mia was another example as she chose to do an important job and had not just wanted to get married. We tried to instill in her the belief she could do whatever she wanted.

Later in the evening I ended up in a conversation with Jim Beach about the tour and future plans and some new landscaping he was putting in at his house in the country. It was nice company as I felt a bit subdued by that time and my buzz from the show had worn off. We was enjoying some brandy and I was sticking with beer tonight.

"Want another?" Jim Beach asked me as we sat at a corner table away from the noise.

"I think I'll pass..." I advised him. "I've got a bit of a headache and might head out..." I advised him. Jim stood up and smiled at me. "Go ahead...I'll probably say good night..." I said and he patted my shoulder.

"Good night then...see you on Friday..." he told me. I smiled back as he left the table. I looked around and saw Roger seated at a table with Rick and his date, Dom, Crystal and Ratty. I knew Clare had been with them earlier but she was gone. I grabbed my jacket and slipped it on and went looking for her. I finally spotted Clare at a table with a young man who she was clearly having a deep conversation with. I didn't want to interrupt but needed her to know I was leaving. I went up and got her attention. She looked up and smiled at me.

"Brian...this is Malcolm Davies..." she announced. I shook his hand and he seemed friendly.

"Nice to meet you Malcolm..." I replied.

"I'm a huge fan!" Malcolm told me and then he smiled at Clare. The way he looked at her made me wonder if he might be a bigger fan of her. It occurred to me they might be into each other.

"Thanks...I just wanted to let you know I'm heading out..." I advised Clare. I noticed her look conflicted and realized she liked this guy. I immediately felt bad that I had even walked over and then felt worse that she clearly was conflicted about coming with me for appearance sake or continuing her conversation with this man. "If you want to catch a ride with Rog or someone else..." I suggested to make it clear to her she was free to do as she wanted. Malcolm smiled at us both and got up from his seat.

"I need use the gent's...I'll be right back..." he said and we watched him step away. I turned to Clare.

"You like him...don't you?" I asked. The blush on her face told me it was true. She smiled widely and nodded as she stood up.

"Is it that obvious?" she replied. I pulled her into my side and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"It is...and please feel free to stay and see where it leads..." I encouraged. "Just be careful..." I cautioned.

"I will...thanks Bri..." she told me. Now I needed to let Roger know I was going. I went over to the table and decided I would tell Dominique. It wouldn't be so obvious. I knew Roger had not told Rick about us and respected his decision. It did, at times, make situations complicated. I walked over and tapped Dom on the shoulder as she listened to the others carry on. She turned to look at me as I bent over to speak to her.

"I was just letting you all know I'm heading out..." I told her. She looked concerned.

"Everything alright?" she asked. I nodded to her.

"Yeah...just tired..." I replied. She smiled at me and then glanced over at Roger. He was looking up at me and I saw Rick wave to me. I waved back. "I'm a bit tired myself...could I trouble you for a lift and we can leave these hooligans to finish out the night?" Dominique asked me. I was a little surprised but happy to give her a ride. Roger would probably be here for hours with Rick.

"Sure..." I replied. I noticed Roger watching us and Dom got up and grabbed her bag and walked over to Roger.

"I'm leaving...Brian is taking me home..." she told him. "It's up to you and this lot to see in the dawn..." she told him in a humorous tone. He grinned as she leaned down and kissed his cheek. He pecked her cheek as they parted.

"Alright love..." he told her. I knew he was saying that because of his audience and I tried to ignore the way it made me feel. Dom was walking back towards me when Roger looked right at me. His eyes told me he was sorry for the term of endearment. I slightly nodded my understanding back to him and smiled when Dom took my arm.

"Good night Bri..." Roger said. Eyeing me again.

"Good night..." I said back and Dom leaned into my side as we left.

-----------------------------------

"Roger told me you used to have a place near Holland Park..." Dom remarked as we rode in the back of the limo towards her flat in Kensington. We both had a bottle of water to help prevent a hangover and the privacy glass was up in case we talked about anything that was none of the driver's business. I knew her flat wasn't that far from that area.

"We did..." I confirmed. "That is where we were when Tiger Lily came to live with us..." I told her. Dom smiled at me.

"What was that like?" she asked me. "Having a baby unexpectedly dropped in your lap?" A flood of memories washed over me. A mixed bag of emotions came with it.

"Having her was like a dream for me to be quite honest..." I told her and then wondered if I should say what Roger's feelings were at the time. "I've always loved children and to me she was like a gift..." Dom looked at me with tenderness. "The timing wasn't ideal but it never is with children really..." I smiled. "But I adored her from the moment I saw her!"

"She absolutely adores you..." she replied. "She speaks of you often when I'm with her..." she remarked. It felt good to hear that.

"I'm glad to hear it...she told me at her birthday she didn't want me calling her 'poppet' anymore...she's grown up awfully fast..." I confessed. Dom reached over and took my hand and appeared sympathetic.

"She is growing up...." she confirmed. "But she will always love her Daddy...don't worry..." she assured me. I grinned at her.

"She was such a wonderful baby..." I told Dom. "So easy going...just lovely..." Dom gave me an intent look.

"It's funny you mentioned that..." she replied. "I actually wanted to talk to you about a baby..." she revealed. I had no idea what she meant by this and in a flash my mind was telling me that Roger had cheated and she was pregnant. My stomach was churning and I instantly pulled my hand away from hers. It was clear from her face she was reading mine. She knew what I was thinking. "Brian...it's not what you are thinking..." she said hurriedly. She looked me in the eye as she said it and for some reason I believed her. I relaxed a little and she could tell.

"Sorry..." I said and she shook her head.

"No...I'm sorry...I should have said what I want to say differently...I've just tried to find the right words..." she said and sounded muddled for a moment. She sighed heavily and then closed her eyes for a moment. I wondered what she was meaning to tell me.

"What is it?" I questioned. "Just say it..." I suggested. Feeling a little anxious. She opened her eyes and let out a little laugh. I could tell she was exasperated by her own thoughts and I know that feeling. She smiled and looked at me again.

"I wanted to talk to you about me having a baby..." she told me. "I wanted to talk to you because I needed to ask your permission to let Roger father my child..." she declared. It wasn't exactly what I had feared it was a moment ago, but this wasn't far off the mark I guess. I was taken aback by her request and suddenly had a million questions and a million feelings about it.

"I'm confused..." I began and reached for a low hanging glob of curls on my head to soothe myself. "Did Roger ask you to give him a child?" I questioned. Unsure what she was getting at. She shook her head and reached for my free hand again. I let her hold it as I needed the comfort right now.

"No...Roger does not know I am asking you this..." she revealed. "I want to have a child and I don't want any romantic entanglements with it..." she explained. "I'm 32 years old Brian...and if I want to have a child I need to do it now..." I could appreciate her being of a certain age and feeling the need to have one before she deemed herself too old.

"And you want a child and you want Roger to be the father..." I said back even though she had already indicated this. I just needed to confirm what I thought I heard. She nodded.

"Yes...with your permission as his husband..." she stated. I had to admit I was touched she was asking me this. I was fully aware she could have already approached Roger about it and he probably would have agreed and told me after they made their plans. But here she was respectfully asking me to approve of this beforehand. I was curious about something.

"You said Roger doesn't know you are asking me...but does he know you want to have a child with him?" I questioned.

"I've mentioned to him a few times that I would like to have a child in the near future..." she answered. "I've thought about it a lot and I have to admit that being around your children and then seeing Ronnie with Joshua has made me realize I don't want to wait any longer..." I knew how it was being around babies. I sometimes got that way myself and seeing Deacy have another one brought it out a bit.

"I can appreciate feeling broody..." I replied. "I get that way myself at times..." I confessed. "But he doesn't know you want him to be the father?" I questioned.

"No..." she confirmed. "When I decided I was going to ask him I felt it was only right to talk with you first and to make sure you wouldn't have a problem with it..." she said sincerely. "I want to respect your relationship and know you are agreeable before I even talk to Roger..." she clarified. Now that she had cleared that up for me I had another important issue to ask about.

"So if I agree and Roger agrees and you have a baby...what kind of relationship do you expect him to have with the child?" I questioned. I had no idea if I was okay with this but needed to have answers to my questions before I could think this through.

"The child is mine and I am bringing them up as a single parent..." she said confidently. "If Roger wanted to have a role in their life I wouldn't be opposed to it...but I would have sole custody and be in charge of their care and daily life..." she assured me.

"What about money?" I asked next. She looked dismissive of the question.

"Money is not a concern..." she replied quickly. "I have some money...my family is quite comfortable..." she explained. I had suspected she was a from a upper middle class family. She was well educated and her sophistication seemed natural. It was good to know she could manage.

"I'm glad that is not an issue..." I said back. "I guess another question I have is whether you know how Clare had Jimi?" I asked her. She smiled knowingly at me.

"I've got to know Clare pretty well over the past few years..." she replied. "Yes...I know the details of her conception..." she assured me. I thought she might as her and Clare had bonded somewhat. Clare liked her and enjoyed her company.

"Did Roger ever tell you how he felt when Tiger Lily came into our lives?" I questioned. Dom's face showed she knew the story.

"He did..." she answered. "We had a long talk one time when we were stuck in an airport waiting on a flight..." she revealed and smiled at me. "He basically told me his entire life story..." she said and laughed a little. "And I heard all about his foibles...as a husband and as a father..." I grinned at hearing this. It was refreshing to know he spoke of his mistakes and not just his past glories.

"He's a much better Father these days..." I commented. Dom squeezed my hand.

"Even he would say that..." she said back. "I know you probably need some time to think about this..." she stated. I did. I wasn't exactly thrilled about it but with Roger allowing Clare and I to have a child I felt inclined to be open to this if Roger wanted to do this for her. But there was a lot to consider.

"I do..." I responded. "I'll let you know what I decide..." She smiled and leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"Thank you for hearing me out..." she said sweetly. "Clare always tells me what a good person you are and I've seen that for myself..." she stated. Dom mentioning Clare after I thought about her made me think about what happened tonight.

"Speaking of Clare..." I said and Dom looked at me intently. "Can I ask you something?" she nodded and seemed curious.

"Of course..." she replied.

"Clare met a man at the party tonight and I could see they were both into each other..." I divulged. Dom smile widely at me and I wondered if she had seen them.

"You mean Malcolm Davies?" she replied. I guess she did know.

"Yes!" I responded. "Do you know him?" I asked her.

"I do...he works with EMI in their promotions office..." she answered. "He's a nice guy..." she remarked. I was glad to hear it. But another question was looming as a result of tonight. If he was in the business he had to know that Clare and I are dating.

"I guess Clare pretending to date me is a problem if she meets someone else she really likes..." I expressed and Dom seemed to understand what I was getting at.

"Yes...it could be a problem..." she responded. "That is why I suggested to her that she tell him you are in an open relationship..." Dom revealed. I was shocked to hear this. Then I was happy to know that Clare was given a way to be able to enjoy herself with someone else.

"You think of everything...don't you?" I said to her with a sense of admiration. Dom grinned as she looked at me with a sense of pride.

"I'm in public relations...it's what I do!"

Chapter Text

6th September 1984

London/Surrey

Brian's POV

"I'll let you know what I decide..." I told Dom as she looked at me intently. She smiled and leaned over and pressed a kiss to my cheek.

"I'll wait to hear from you then...good night..." she said and slipped out of the car. The driver waited until she had gone inside her building and he pulled out from the curb to drive me home. I leaned back on my seat and replayed the conversation I just had with Dominique. Her reasons for wanting a child and that she wanted Roger to father it for her. She was aware of how we had Jimi so she knew how to make it happen. And Roger doesn't know and she is asking me first. I was equally complimented by this and beleaguered. A million questions about how this would work ran through my head.

I tried to imagine me saying yes and Roger and Dom sharing the experience of pregnancy and childbirth together. Like I did with Clare. I had loved it and sometimes wanted to do it again. But Clare had missed a chance to have a baby of her own and it felt selfish to ask her to give me another baby when she didn't get her chance at real motherhood.

Would Roger be as engaged with Dom if he wasn't going to be a big part of the child's life? How would his Mother feel about another grandchild that she would never really see? How would our children react to knowing Roger had another child that wasn't in their life? How would my parents feel about this whole situation. And how do I really feel about him getting involved like this with Dominique?

My brain was addled by it all as the car dropped me off. I went inside the house and was quiet as I went upstairs. As I checked on Jimi and then Tiger Lily I thought about another child being in the picture. If Dom had a baby and Roger did have some measure of involvement, would the child ever spend time here with its siblings? How would they engage with a brother or sister they only saw infrequently? Where would I fit into the picture with it all? I gazed at Tiger Lily and imagined another blond child that resembled Roger. It occurred to me that with Dom's dark coloring the child might not look as much like him. Was that comforting to me? It was so much to consider. I gently closed my daughter's door and walked silently to my own room. I had a feeling that sleep would elude me tonight.

---------------------------------

Roger's POV

"I think I'm going to make a solo record like you did!" Rick told me as we both sat and enjoyed a last cigarette before we headed out of the party. We had been drinking and watching the other party goers dancing and carrying on since Brian and Dom left. About half of the guests were gone; including Ratty and Crystal and Freddie was getting ready to leave. Deacy had left with Ronnie before Brian even did. I took another sip of my vodka tonic as I listened to Rick tell me about his plans.

"Well mine didn't fare too well...so good luck with yours mate!" I responded. Still feeling the sting of disappointment at the lackluster response to my own album, Strange Frontier. Rick patted my shoulder and gave me a moony-eyed look.

"Thanks Rog..." he said in his sloppy drunk voice. "You know....you're like a brother to me..." he said as he leaned closer. Our faces close together. "You know that...right?" he asked. I found him endearing at times when he is so far gone. I was practically nose to nose with him.

"I know...I'm the better looking one!" I teased. He shoved my face away and we both laughed. "Let's get out of here..." I replied and stood up to invite the idea we needed to go home. Rick set his drink down and stood up clumsily. I pulled my jacket on and he did the same. I made sure I had my smokes and we began the walk to the exit. I waved bye to Freddie from a distance and we stepped out into the cold night air.

Our limo came around and I slid in the back and Rick got in next to me. The driver took off and Rick looked at me with a devil's grin.

"Going to go home and see if I can rouse up some action with the old lady..." he informed me. I doubted his lady would be interested in him right now. It was almost 4 in the morning and he was probably too drunk to perform.

"Good luck with that in your state...." I replied. Rick scoffed at me and then reached in his pocket.

"I've got the cure for that right here!" he said and showed me a small metal vial. I knew it was cocaine. He was a regular user and offered it up to me quite frequently. He uncapped it and tapped a line of the white powder across his hand. He grinned at me before bringing his hand up to his nose and inhaling every speck of coke. Wiping his hand on his shirt when he finished. He then held the vial out towards me. "Come on Rog!" he said and gestured at me to take it. "Just a taste won't hurt you!" he argued.

I'd not had any coke in ages and had to admit the idea of a buzz right now was appealing. I was headed straight to the safety of home and Brian would be asleep. I could sleep in tomorrow since we didn't have a show until the next evening.

"Give it here..." I told him. Rick smiled widely as I held my hand up and he tapped me out a small line.

"There's nothing better than watching the sun rise when you're coming down off this shit..." he remarked as I looked at the line of powder and brought it to my nose.

We both had a bit more before the limo dropped me off at home. Rick lived near his hometown of Woking in Surrey and it wasn't far from my place. We're practically neighbors. I padded into the house and tried to be quiet. I was still buzzing off the coke and rubbed at my face as I climbed the stairs. I reached my bedroom door and began pulling off my clothes as I walked to the closet to enter my shared bedroom with Brian. I was down to my briefs when I reached the entrance. I could make out Brian's form in the bed and reached down and tugged at my cock through my briefs. Arousal filling me as I looked at his body. He was on his back and his arms were tucked under the pillow beneath his head. His arms were more defined these days and his biceps bulged out from having his elbows bent. He looked really good. His long lean torso was visible above where the blanket sat around his stomach. His massive spray of curly hair fanned out on the pillow beneath his head. As I reached the bed I saw Brian open his eyes and look at me. I was quite happy he was awake. I had the notion of us watching the sunrise together and maybe fucking while we waited on it.

"What time is it?" Brian asked me in a sleepy voice.

"It's after 4..." I replied and climbed up on to the bed and crawled up over him. I leaned down and kissed him. He responded in a sleepy manner. I kissed him again and saw he was sliding his arms out from under his pillow. I reached up and grabbed his wrists and held them above his head as I laid down on top of him and spread my legs to straddle his waist.

"I'm tired..." Brian grumbled to me as he laid there pliant as I tried to get him interested. He let me kiss him but didn't respond to my other efforts to arouse him. I grew frustrated.

"I want to fuck..." I whined. Brian shook his head and I let go of his wrists as I slid off him and flung myself onto my back. I sighed heavily. Still feeling horny and now feeling irritated. We laid there in silence as I reached down and slid my hand into my briefs and felt myself. Still hard and wanting something. "Going for a shower..." I grumbled to him as I got up from the bed and kept hold of myself as I went to the bathroom.

"Rog..." I heard him say to me but ignored him as I stepped in and turned on the shower. I got in the stall and enjoyed the warm stream of water as I began to stroke myself. Wanting to get off as I felt the edge of the cocaine starting to dissipate. I pressed my hand into the tiled wall and leaned over as I stroked faster and curled my toes as how aroused I felt. It was surprising when I came fairly quickly and I let out a hard gasp and stroked myself through the finish. I turned and leaned back against the wall and let the water wash over me.

I left the bathroom with a towel around my waist and walked back to the bed. Brian was sitting up now and watching me as I tossed my towel aside and crawled under the bedclothes. I was slightly annoyed that he wasn't sound asleep.

"Sorry..." he told me. I rolled over to look at him.

"It's okay..." I replied and tried to let go of my irritation with him. It was an off night for us. No big deal. He looked at me intently.

"I need to talk to you about something..." he announced. I was ready for sleep but could tell whatever it was seemed to be weighing on him. His expression showed me that. I adjusted my pillows and sat up as I pulled the blanket up around me.

"What is it?" I asked as he reached over and tugged my blanket up higher for me.

"I shouldn't tell you this because you're not meant to know about it...but I can't make a decision without talking to you about it....so I have to tell you..." he blurted out in a fast ramble. I tried to follow what he was saying. I wasn't sure what he meant.

"What do you mean?" I questioned. "What is it I'm not supposed to know?" Brian kept his eyes on me and I could see it was something serious.

"Dominique asked me for my permission to let you father a child for her..." he revealed. This was not anything I had expected to hear. I took a moment to process his words. Wow! Shit!

"She wants me to give her a baby?" I said out loud to make sure I heard it right. Brian nodded.

"Yes..." he confirmed.

"And she asked you first?" I questioned. He looked at me with a serious expression.

"Yes..." he confirmed. I just looked at him in disbelief.

"Shit!" I finally said and he shifted a little closer to me.

"She was being completely serious when she asked and said that she was asking me first because she wanted to respect our relationship and didn't want to even ask you if I had a problem with it..." he explained. I could see Brian respected her for this. It was certainly the right thing to do.

"And how do you feel about it?" I asked despite not even considering how I felt about it. I found it so unusual that he knew first and had engaged my opinion before deciding. I figured he would have told her a flat out 'no.' I watched his face to determine how he was actually feeling about it.

"I've been thinking about it since I spoke with her and it has kept me up since I got home..." he advised. He sighed and looked right at me. "I know you might think this is crazy...but I think you should do it!" he announced.

"Really?" I questioned in disbelief. I was taken aback by this. Where were his usual overthought concerns about the whole idea? His reservations and insecurities about me being involved with someone else in any depth? His jealousy and irrational thoughts about what it might lead to?

"Yes...I think you should do it..." he repeated soundly. "My primary reasoning is that I can appreciate what it is like to want to have a child of my own and having limited options to do it..." Brian revealed. "I wanted a child and we were so lucky that Clare offered...if she hadn't we wouldn't have Jimi..." he explained. "Dom wants to be a Mum and we can help her out...so why not?" he declared. I don't know if it was the remains of the coke in my system or maybe that he had gone off the deep end, but I felt that Brian was out of his mind.

"So you don't have a problem with this?" I questioned. "You don't think it is a bad idea?" I said as he looked at me. "You're not worried about what it might do to us? You're not jealous of me spending more time with her?" I asked him. "Because I would have to spend some time with her to get her pregnant...and then if we present to the public she is having my child...well...I expect I should probably be with her a lot...and you won't get jealous or mad or a million different ill feelings about the whole thing?" I asked as I began to ramble. I just couldn't believe he was on board with this. Brian gave me a calm expression and took my hand in his.

"Did I fall in love with Clare?" he asked me. He didn't.

"No..." I answered.

"Did I have to spend more time with her because she was pregnant?" he asked me.

"Yes..."

"And did you get jealous?" he questioned. I was going to be honest.

"There were times I was a bit envious of the attention she got from you..." I admitted. Brian gave me a resolved look.

"But you understood why and after the baby was born I returned my attention to you..." he responded. I needed to remind him of something.

"You were a bit distracted by that new baby for a while..." I pointed out. Brian formed a guilty expression.

"That is true!" he admitted. "You're right..." he mumbled as he seemed to think about my words.

"But Dominique told me she wants to parent the child herself and doesn't expect you to really be involved..." Brian advised. "Unless you want some level of relationship with it..." he told me. "And I would hope you would..." Brian said with the expectation clearly present in his face. It kind of annoyed me that he questioned if I would even want to be involved.

"Look...I know with Tigs I wasn't on board at first...but you have to remember that I didn't even know she existed Brian...and we had her thrust upon us under distressing circumstances..." I reminded him. He nodded understanding.

"I know..." he said with compassion. "I just hoped you would at least want to know the child...so he or she would have a father in some capacity...even if from a distance..." he remarked.

"Well I haven't even said I would do it...so we are getting a bit ahead of ourselves..." I replied. Brian leaned closer to me and looked at me with affection.

"Think about it and let me know what you decide..." he requested. "I'll wait to give Dom my answer until I know what you want to do..." Brian said. "If you don't want to do it then I can just say I'm not on board with it and spare you two having any bad feelings between you..." he advised me. I was surprised at how diplomatic he was being.

"I have to admit I'm surprised at you..." I told him. "Do you recall how much trouble she caused us a few years back?" I questioned. "And might I reminded you it was on more than one occasion that you were jealous of her..." I pointed out. Brian clearly remembered as he looked at me and sighed and then leaned over further and laid his head in my lap and looked up at me.

"I was jealous of her...of you two..." he confessed and reached up and stroked my chin with a long delicate finger. His warm eyes gazing at me with adoration.

"And now you are fine with this?" I questioned. He smiled and pinched my chin with his fingers.

"I have to admit Dom has grown on me..." Brian divulged. "She's respected our relationship and helped us out with a few public relations problems..." he explained. I suddenly knew what he was going to say next. It was a clear weakness of his and I felt Dom had tapped into it.

"And you love babies and want her to have one if that is what she desires?" I questioned. The expression on his face told me I was right.

"You do make beautiful babies Rog..." he said to me in a sweet voice and ran his finger over my lips. "You can't deny it..." he argued. I felt my buzz from the coke had drained away. My body told me it was tired and I yawned as we looked at each other. Brian then yawned himself.

"Let's get some sleep and I'll think about it..." I advised. Brian lifted up from my lap and laid down on his side facing me. I turned and faced him and we leaned closer and shared a kiss.

"Love you..." Brian told me. I smiled and pecked his lips again.

"Love you too..."

--------------------------------------------------

22nd September 1984

Hannover Germany

Deacy's POV

"Did we get word of the chart results?" Freddie asked as we took a break in the sound check.

"Jim said we debuted at 19 with 'Hammer '..." Brian quickly responded proudly. Of course he was thrilled since he wrote the song. I knew what Freddie was really interested in and chimed in.

"He said 'Love Kills' debuted at 27..." I advised him. Freddie beamed at me and was clearly delighted with the number. It felt odd for him to have a single of his own in the Top 40 at the same time as Queen. Roger had never charted that high with his singles.

"Well...well...well..." Freddie replied smugly. "Let the games begin!" he declared; clearly seeing this as some type of chart competition. I smiled at him as he reached over and grabbed a cigarette and it made me want one. I turned and grabbed my packet from the top of the speakers and lit one. I had quickly adopted the habit in the past year and found myself craving them. I understood now why Roger always had one in his hand all these years. It calmed the nerves and was something to fidget with. I took a long drag off mine and shared a look of amusement with Freddie. Watching him and Brian compete in the charts was going to be fun!

We finished our sound check and went back to our hotel to freshen up. Freddie had his entourage of German friends with him so I stuck with Ratty for dinner. He enjoyed having a smoking companion in addition to a drinking companion these days. We returned to the venue and prepared to go on for our show. I finished dressing in my all white ensemble and watched as Roger got a rub down from our tour masseuse. I found it amusing to hear him moan and groan as he was worked over and couldn't help but notice Brian trying to ignore the sounds. I took a seat next to Ratty and we both sat and observed them.

"Do you think ole Bri gets that kind of sound out of him?" Ratty joked as he nudged me. We both chuckled and then saw Brian look over at us. He was clueless what we were laughing at. Roger groaned again.

"Oh...right there...yeah...that's so good!" Roger mumbled as Dino worked his lower back. I tried to bite my tongue as I wanted to say something. Freddie turned around and looked over at Roger.

"Is it good for you Roger dear?" Freddie asked him in a bemused manner. "Should we get you a cigarette for when you're finished?" he teased. Roger reached his hand up and flipped Freddie off.

"Maybe Brian will need one too!" I chimed in and Brian and Roger both shot me a dirty look. I forgot not everyone in the room knows about them. I just rolled my eyes at them. People were just going to think it was a joke. It didn't matter.

"If Roger keeps that up we might all need one!" Barbara, Freddie's friend, remarked, and we all broke out laughing.

-------------------------

Our performance tonight felt lackluster. We just were in not a good place for some reason. We soldiered on and I just focused on playing and moving. Enjoying my grooves and enjoying my cocktails at my little bar behind my amps. Freddie continued to struggle with his voice and tried to make the best of it. Even Roger and Brian seemed a bit off.

We picked up steam as we went through our setlist. I was really getting in my groove during 'Another One Bites The Dust' and we all seemed back on track finally. Freddie announced 'Hammer To Fall' and began moving all over the stage as he performed. I have to admit this number translate well to our live shows. Freddie played off Roger as he made his way around the entire stage and went up on the catwalks on either side of the drums.

The song was reaching the end when it happened. Freddie took a wrong step on the stairs of the catwalk and went down. I didn't see it happen but turned when the crowd all made a noise. Freddie had fallen and wasn't getting up. I felt a small panic run through me as I saw Phoebe rush past me from the side of the stage.

"Shit!" I mumbled. Crystal had reached him first since he sits behind Roger on the riser. Roger was already standing up and looking concerned as the men bent down to see if he was okay. Brian walked my way looking worried. Ratty came up to my side as we watched.

"Take this..." I asked and Ratty took my bass for me as I watched with growing dread that Freddie was really hurt.

"Christ! I hope he's okay..." Ratty commented as Phoebe knelt by Freddie and helped him stand up as Crystal supported him from the other side. As Freddie rose up the crowd began to cheer and chant his name. I could tell from Freddie's face he was hurting. He wasn't putting weight on one of his legs as they slowly managed to get him down the stairs. Roger was hovering as he came down and Brian and I both came towards them as Freddie smiled and looked at the audience. We all huddled in to find out what was going to happen. It was clear he needed medical attention.

"Are you alright?" I asked Freddie as we stood close to each other to confer. The audience couldn't see him so his face grew tense with pain.

"I can't stand so I'm going to sit at the piano..." he advised. "Just get me over there and we can skip over 'Crazy' and go into 'Rhapsody'..." he requested.

"You don't have to do this Fred...let's just stop and get you to hospital..." Brian suggested. I was inclined to agree. Freddie shook his head as he took a deep breath. Trying to steel himself against the pain.

"I think I can make it if we skip a few numbers..." he responded. "Let's do Rhapsody's first half and then we can finish with our last two..." Freddie advised. Brian, Roger and I all looked at each other to confirm where we stood. It was nods all around. Ratty took off to notify the crew.

"Alright...but if we need to stop...just say the word..." Roger told him. We separated as Phoebe and Crystal helped him over to take a seat. The crowd was chanting his name over and over and it seemed to fill him with resolve as he got situated and waved to the clamoring fans.

"Thank you!" Freddie told the crowd as he turned to focus on playing. His hands went into position and he began 'Bohemian Rhapsody' to the delight of the audience. The rest of us found our place and fell into to play along with him. Each of us playing and eyeing him with concern.

When Brian finished his guitar solo, Freddie gestured at us and we all shifted into 'We Will Rock You.' It was odd to have him seated as Roger drove his drum beat up to the part where Freddie comes in singing. No prancing about or posturing as he sang. Trapped at his piano bench as he tried to give it his all from a seated position. The crowd was still into it and were stomping and clapping and singing along. I kept watch on Freddie as Brian played his solo and tried to keep the momentum going with the audience. At least he put more effort into his moving about to make up for a stationary Freddie. He did come in late though and Roger and I shared a look of annoyance. We moved into the last number and Freddie really brought it home despite clearly being in pain. The crowd cheered fervently as Phoebe and Ratty came over and helped him up. He made a semi-bow to the audience and waved before his arms were wrapped around shoulders and he was escorted backstage. He had gone above and beyond as far as I was concerned.

Freddie's POV

"Christ Phoebe! It does really hurt now..." I complained as I was set on a gurney and wheeled out to a waiting ambulance. It felt overly dramatic to be leaving in this manner but I was hurting enough to not really care. I closed my eyes as Phoebe took my hand in the back of the ambulance and tutted at me.

"We'll get you sorted out and get some nice pain medicine for you..." he assured me as he looked at me with affection. I felt better knowing help was imminent, but was utterly disappointed at ending the show early. I closed my eyes and took some breaths to ride out the journey to hospital.

---Three hours later---

The medication helped the pain, but it did not fix the horrendous mood I was in. I was tired and irritable from being on display in the A&E at hospital. I had been released and returned to the hotel to rest my torn ligaments. While I normally would want my closest friends and boyfriend around for comfort and sympathy, I found their presence taxing. Winnie not speaking English proved beyond my patience tonight. Trying to explain everything that happened at the concert and at hospital and having it translated made me ready to scream. I had to admit to myself that the shine of our relationship was starting to dim. I reached my limit as he and Barbara sat and had a rapid conversation in German. I raised my hands up in surrender.

"Enough!" I shouted and got everyone's attention. I pointed at Winnie and Barbara. "You two! Out! Now!" I bellowed at them. I received looks of disbelief as I glared back.

"You want us to leave?" Barbara questioned. I sighed heavily.

"I cannot cope tonight darling..." I whined to her. "Please take Winnie for a drink or something and I will see you for lunch tomorrow..." I pleaded. Her demeanor softened and she smiled as she walked over and pressed a kiss to my head.

"If that is what you want...take care and we shall see you then..." she replied. Winnie and I shared a quick kiss and they departed as Phoebe brought me a fresh ice pack. He watched as my entourage disappeared from the room.

"What is this?" Phoebe asked as the door to my bedroom closed.

"A reprieve from my duties as host..." I responded. Phoebe grinned and got my ice pack in place as he checked my leg brace nestled in a pile of pillows.

"I think a quiet night to convalesce is just what the doctor would want..." he told me encouragingly. The telephone rang and Phoebe answered it. "It's Roger checking in on you..." he advised.

"Tell him I will survive....just barely...and I will call him in the morning...." I responded. Phoebe relayed the message and I sipped the cup of tea that was getting lukewarm. I was going to ask for Roger to relay the message to Deacy but Phoebe hung up first.

"Do you need anything else right now?" Phoebe asked as he fluffed my leg pillows. I shook my head.

"Just some sleep and I'll be right as rain..." I told him. He nodded and left the room as I tried to get relaxed enough to sleep. There was a knock on the door and I wondered what Phoebe wanted. "Yes?" I shouted. The door opened and a familiar head popped through the door. I instantly smiled.

"Hi Freddie...I just wanted to see you were alright..." Deacy said as he stood in the doorway and looked me over. His youthful face and concerned expression made me suddenly feel old.

"No worries...I'll survive this calamity..." I assured him. He formed a small grin as he opened the door wider and stepped inside. I gestured for him to come over to me. Seeing him made me feel a bit lighter. Deacy walked over and eyed my leg brace.

"Will you be able to perform?" he questioned as he gently sat on the edge of the bed and immediately took my hand. I gave him a dismissive gesture.

"Of course!' I told him. "Though I might not be doing any acrobats for a while..." I remarked. "It appears I am starting to get old though and slowly falling apart..." I said to be dramatic. I hoped for him to reassure me that wasn't the case. I should have known better.

"I guess you're just waiting for the hammer to fall..." he said drolly and I rolled my eyes as he began his little chuckle he does when he's being cheeky.

"Fuck off!" I growled playfully at him as he kept giggling at me. I couldn't help but smile at his endearing face. He calmed down and leaned in closer to me. It was nice to have his company right now. He speaks English and has a calming effect on me.

"Sorry..." he finally said.

"No...you're not!" I retorted and we shared a smile. "Stay awhile...." I requested. Deacy looked at the bedroom door.

"What about Winnie?" he questioned. Yes. What about him? I was beginning to realize that our destiny was not to be a long term thing. My own distractions with other men during our courtship was proof of that.

"He's company for now dear...but I believe our time together is limited..." I responded. I sighed as I considered how frustrating my life has been of late. Deacy rubbed my hand.

"I'm sorry things haven't been going your way...but at least you're on track for a hit single..." he reminded me. I nodded agreement on that one item of positivity.

"That's true...." I agreed. "Now if I could just get my fucking solo album where I want it to be then maybe I will feel like my life is on track..." I remarked. He looked at me sympathetically.

"You'll get there...you always do!" he reminded me. I smiled at him. Grateful for his confidence in me.

"You're right..." I concurred. "Maybe if I felt my love life would finally get itself in order I could focus on my album and get it in shape for release..." I commented. I felt like I was shopping for sympathy tonight but my injury had just brought home my other miseries I have been trying to ignore.

"I am positive there is an English speaking gentleman out there that is destined to be the one!" Deacy said and I smirked at his reference to their language skills.

"It's not for my lack of trying...." I responded and gave him a mischievous look. I had been looking when I was at home. Right or wrong. I was.

"But no luck?" he replied. I instantly recalled a particular event that had left me disenchanted. I formed a beleaguered expression.

"Deacy dear...it's suffice to say that even being Freddie Mercury doesn't guarantee that everyone is going to say yes!" I declared. He looked surprised.

"Someone rejected you?" he asked in disbelief.

"They did!" I replied. Deacy seemed troubled by it and then shrugged.

"Maybe he had a boyfriend..." Deacy suggested as the reason for the rejection. It was funny he proposed that.

"Actually...he said he did..." I confirmed.

"Maybe he was telling the truth!" he observed. "How did you approach him?" Deacy questioned. "How do you hit on a guy?" I formed a jocular expression.

"I asked him how big his cock was!" I informed him. We both smiled widely and then burst into laughter.

"Only you would ask someone that!" Deacy declared as he cupped my shoulder with his hand and kept chuckling.

"You'd be surprised dear!" I answered. "It's quite effective!"

"Well...keep the faith Freddie...he's out there somewhere..." Deacy advised. "All 7-10 inches of him!" he teased. I winked at him and we both sat in a comfortable silence as we calmed down again.

"You know I thought I had cursed myself by writing 'Somebody To Love'...but maybe my new dating theme should be 'Love Kills!' " I proposed. Deacy formed a sweet expression.

"I prefer 'Gold Old Fashioned Lover Boy' myself..." he responded. . I smirked at him. I knew that wasn't true because he always harped on me about how queer that song is.

"No you don't! Liar!" I said accusingly. Right as the word left me, both our mouths hung open in a moment of surprise. We had both forgotten about a song that had a special meaning to us both. Deacy almost looked sentimental as I began to sing to him.

'Mamma I'm gonna be your slave...'

Deacy leaned a little closer as he responded with the call back line.

'All night long...'

'Momma I'm gonna try behave...'

'All night long...'

"I'm gonna love you til your dying day...'

"All night long..."

We stopped singing and shared a tender expression between us. I couldn't help myself and reached up and gently grazed his cheek with the back of my hand. Remembering everything there was between us. While it was in the past, the leftover feelings were ever present.

"I will you know...love you til my dying day..." I told him. Deacy nuzzled my hand with his cheek and looked at me with affection. Telling me how he felt with his eyes and his smile.

"I know..." he said back. "me too..."

Chapter Text

FYI - Just a reminder that Milhanger is the name of the property that Brian and Roger own and reside at.

23rd October 1984

London

Brian's POV

It was supposed to a goodwill trip as far as we were concerned. But the reaction from the press and even some fans had not been positive. We had heard a lot of criticism before we left but what we faced upon our return showed our tour of South Africa had been poor judgement. We all stood and faced a barrage of press as we tried to leave the airport in London. They went at us with questions about where we stood politically in regards to apartheid and if we worried our fans would desert us for choosing to play in a segregated country. They weren't interested in listening to the actual experience we had there; they just wanted to get a reaction from us about the bad press we were seeing about our choice to play Sun City. Jim finally got us untangled from the press corps and ushered to our waiting cars.

"Go home and get some rest and I will call you in a few days..." Jim instructed. "Don't answer your phones..." he advised. Freddie and Jim and Deacy took one limo to go straight into London and Roger and I took a separate car to get to Surrey. We sat tired and a bit shell shocked from dealing with the press and didn't say much on the ride to Milhanger. After being dropped off with our luggage we went inside.

"At least this bunch will be friendly to us..." Roger said wearily as he closed the front door behind us. "Anybody home?" he shouted as I sat down my rucksack and thought about a nice hot bath. Roger got no response. I checked my watch.

"Mia's probably picking up the kids..." I commented as we stood in the silence. I figured Clare was working in her office and couldn't hear us from her quarters at the other end of the house.

"I'll go see if Clare is here..." I offered. Roger nodded as he picked up a suitcase.

"Alright..." he responded. "I'm headed up for a shower..." he advised. I walked through the empty house and realized it was unusual to be here with no one else about. It was always bustling with activity. Mia and the children or the odd housekeeper about. The gardener or a delivery person. I reached Clare's quarters and heard the sound of her on the telephone.

"I think I could manage to get away..." I heard her tell someone. "They get back sometime today and I can look at the schedule..." she explained. I tapped on the door frame and she looked up at me. A broad smile formed on her face and she gestured at me to come in her office. "Brian just walked in so I need to call you back..." she informed her caller. "Alright..." she said and hung up. She got up from her desk and I met her halfway to share a hug and a kiss.

"How was your flight?" she asked as we parted.

"The flight was fine but our reception at the airport was tiring..." I answered. She formed a cringy expression.

"So the press was there...huh?" she asked and I nodded as I leaned against the wall and she returned to her seat.

"They were...and full of their usual vitriol..." I advised.

"Sorry..." she said but I just shrugged.

"We survived..." I replied. I was curious about her phone call and decided to ask her about it. "So I heard you telling someone you could get away...." I began. "Are you taking some time off? Going somewhere with Alli?" I enquired. She liked to get away with her best friend when time permitted. We've been busy with our tour and new album so she's had a lot on her plate. I noted a somewhat embarrassed grin on Clare's face.

"It wasn't Alli on the phone..." she responded. "It was Malcolm..." she revealed. I knew she had seen him on and off the last few months. I guess things were moving along.

"So you're going away with him?" I asked her. I saw a light blush in her face as she nodded.

"He asked if I wanted to go on holiday together....he invited me to Italy!" she announced. I knew she had always talked of going there and was excited for her. I also recognized that things had really developed with her and Malcolm.

"That sounds marvelous!" I told her with shared enthusiasm. "I guess things have become a bit serious with Malcolm then?" I asked. Clare looked at me earnestly.

"They have..." she confirmed. I knew it was time to do something about our arrangement. It was time to set her free so she could pursue this budding romance.

"I think it's time you and I broke up Clare!" I declared and her eyebrows raised. "I mean our fake relationship!" I said to be clear and she chuckled at me.

"I knew what you meant....I'm just surprised you want to do that!" she remarked.

"You've clearly become serious with Malcolm and you have the right to pursue that openly..." I explained. "I think we should just both agree if we are asked by anyone we have decided to part ways and it is a friendly arrangement..." I suggested. "We can say the rest is private so we don't have to explain any further..." Clare still seemed surprised by this.

"You're sure?" she questioned. I nodded and smiled and walked over to her. She looked up at me.

"I am!" I confirmed. "Clare Taylor! I love you but I don't want to fake date you anymore!" I said in a mockingly harsh tone. She grinned at me and stood up.

"I love you too Brian and I accept!" she replied. We both hugged and I kissed her forehead.

"I want you to be happy Clare...and you seem to really like this guy...." I told her sincerely.

"I do Brian...he's so different from anyone I ever dated before..." she remarked. She sounded serious.

"Do you think this might get serious?" I asked. She shrugged but I could see it in her eyes. I could see she was in love.

"He might be the one...." she said in a quiet voice. I smiled warmly at her.

"If he is...he's a lucky man!"

-----------------------------------

"I was thinking we should go somewhere..." Roger commented as we headed downstairs. I had gone up after speaking to Clare and told Roger about our plans to publicly imply the end of our relationship so she was free to date Malcolm. I mentioned they were planning a trip and it seemed to spark a similar interest in him.

"Oh yeah?" I said back. "Was there some place you had in mind?" He smiled.

"There is actually...I thought we could go to Ibiza!" he answered. "Freddie was telling me about it and even Deacy has been there once....they both liked it a lot..."

"I'm fine with that..." I replied. "I'm sure the kids would love a holiday when school is out..." I remarked. Roger grabbed my arm.

"I was thinking that you and I could get away alone for a few days..." he responded.

"Just us?" I questioned. Roger smiled at me.

"Yes...just us..." he confirmed. "We never did anything for our anniversary since we were busy with the tour and the kids aren't free until Christmas time so I figured we could slip away and spend some time alone...." he told me. I couldn't argue with that. We had been on this concert trip but we hadn't spent any time alone. Jim, our manager, had warned that South Africa had harsh laws regarding homosexuality and that it was best if we all had separate hotel rooms for our stay. Roger and I had not shared a bed in a few weeks. I could see my husband's interest was more than just sleeping together.

"I'd love to...but what do we do about Dominique?" I questioned. I figured it was risky if we flew somewhere together without the band or without Dom.

"I'll worry about the arrangements..." he advised.

"Alright then..." I told him as we reached the kitchen. We shared a brief kiss and then heard the back door open as Mia and Tiger Lily and Jimi came in.

"Hey!" I walked over and hugged the kids. Roger came up behind me and did the same. We both shared a quick hug with Mia as well.

"I'm so glad you're back because this was given to me today to deliver to you..." Mia advised as she handed me an envelope with the school crest on it. I opened the letter as Roger peered over my arm to look at it.

"I've not got my glasses..." he reminded me as I read the letter. It was about Jimi. I read it out loud as everyone listened.

------------------

Dear Mr. May and Mr. Taylor

This letter is being sent to advise that your son Jimi completed a series of standardized tests we conduct for his year and the results are indicated on the attached page.

Your son has ranked the highest in his class in several categories and we wanted to take an opportunity to discuss his future education at your earliest convenience. Please contact us to make an appointment with Miss Adams.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Kindest Regards

Faircroft Academy

---------------------

"Wow!" Roger exclaimed as I turned the page and looked over his exam results. My eyes went wide and a rush of pride went through me as I saw his scores. I looked up at my son.

"Jimi...this is quite impressive!" I told him with my pride on display. "Well done son!" I said and showed Roger the results as I forgot he couldn't see them that well. He managed to make out the information. Jimi stood tall and I could see he appreciated our accolades. Mia hugged him to her side.

"That is marvelous Jimi! Congratulations!" Mia told him. He accepted her affection and smiled broadly as Tiger Lily watched us all.

"Good for you brother!" she said and Jimi gave her a confident smirk as he returned his focus back to Roger and myself.

"So what does that mean about my education?" Jimi asked with curiosity.

"That's a good question..." I said as Roger and I shared a look of uncertainty. I wasn't sure what they wanted to talk about. "I'll call them right now and see if the office is still open..." I advised. I walked up and gave him a hug. "I'm proud of you...." I told him and Roger hugged him next.

"Me too little man..." Roger told him and kissed his head as they embraced. "You've done us proud!" he remarked.

"Can I take it to show to Mum...I mean Clare?" he asked me. I nodded.

"Of course you can..." I responded and gave him the letter. He took off towards her office.

I went to my own office and called the school. Luckily the secretary was still there and she booked a meeting for us the next day. Roger came in and stood at the doorway and crossed his arms.

"He's a chip off the old block Bri..." he stated as I thought about the test scores again. "He's got your brains for sure..." I glanced at Roger. Feeling pride but also feeling like he was being dismissive of Clare.

"He's part Taylor too..." I pointed out. "You and your sister are both quite intelligent..." I reminded him. Roger huffed.

"My sister and I both did well in school but we never scored like that on any standardized tests..." he revealed. "That is the May brain power at work!" he declared. "Harold May is going to flip over those test results!" he said as he walked into the office and sat on the edge of my desk. I smiled knowingly at him.

"Yes he will!" I agreed. "He certainly will!"

24th October 1984

Surrey

Brian's POV

With a lull in our busy work schedule, it was nice to get back to more personal matters. Some of which had been sidelined in the past few weeks. I looked over at Roger as we drove to the school for our meeting. Admiring his looks and how well he is aging. He has such good genes to pass on to a child. I wondered if he had decided yet what he was going to do about Dom's request. We both had an early night due to our long flight and went to bed and slept well since it was next to each other. With an early meeting time this morning, we had to get around as soon as we woke. I missed just being with him and loved the idea of a getaway for just us two.

"The idea of going to Ibizi is growing on me..." I told him as he drove. He smiled and glanced my way.

"I know something that I'd like growing on me!" Roger said with raised eyebrows and a naughty look as he shifted gears. He is the naughtiest man I know and I leaned over and rubbed his thigh.

"We can always take a nap this afternoon..." I suggested to him with a wink.

"Maybe I'll just pull over in one of these fields and we can get busy right now!" he challenged. We both snickered.

"We're both this way because we missed out on our tour time together..." I complained. Roger sighed.

"We don't head for Rio until January...which is why I want to go to Ibiza now..." he responded.

"Well then...make the call when we get home..." I told him. "Book the trip!" I encouraged. He grinned at me.

"I want to buy a boat while we are there and I want to take you out on the water and do things to you that would get me arrested in quite a few countries!" he informed me.

"You've already been arrested once...don't press your luck!" I warned with amusement. Roger flipped me off as he pulled into the parking for the school. I laughed as he parked the car.

We walked into the building and went straight to the administrative office. The secretary escorted us into Miss Adams office.

"Mr. May! Mr. Taylor!" she said in a friendly manner as she shook our hands. "I'm so glad you were in town and able to visit today..." she remarked as we got seated.

"We're eager to hear what you have to say..." I replied as the secretary offered us tea.

"As you saw on the test results Jimi performed at the top of his class in most of his exams..." she advised. "In light of this we wanted to talk about some options to ensure he is receiving the best education..." she stated.

"Options?" I questioned. She opened a folder and I saw several brochures.

"To be completely frank with you both...we are concerned that our courses are not going to offer Jimi what he needs to be as successful as he can...to meet his potential..." she confessed. "As you know most of our parents are in arts and entertainment and many choose this school for the courses we offer relating to those fields..." she remarked. "Don't get me wrong! Our traditional courses are more than adequate to help a student get admission to many top universities...but when we have a student like Jimi...I'm afraid we fall short..."

"I appreciate your honesty Miss Adams..." Roger commented as we both absorbed her statement.

"So if you're saying your courses aren't adequate...then what do you suggest we do?" I questioned. Miss Adams handed me a printed list and I took it from her. I immediately saw it was a list of schools.

"We recommend you transfer Jimi to a school that can provide the academic challenge he requires..." she advised. "This is a list of schools we think would help him meet his potential..."

Roger and I shared a look of disbelief.

"So you're saying we should just pick one of these schools and send him there?" Roger questioned as I scanned the list of schools. I was surprised by one in particular.

"It would be the best thing for him in the long run...he is going to get bored and lose interest within a year from what his instructors tell me..." Miss Adams explained.

"I hope you can appreciate that we have a small problem with him attending one of these traditional schools..." Roger told her and I knew instantly he was referring to the fact that Jimi doesn't have traditional parents.

"Is this related to your family dynamic?" Miss Adams answered skillfully.

"Yes..." Roger replied. "One of the reasons we sent Tiger Lily here was to avoid the problems we encountered at her last school..." he explained. "We're concerned about issues that may arise if Jimi goes to Eton or wherever you recommend..."

"I see you've listed Hampton on here..." I interjected. Miss Adams face brightened at me asking.

"Yes...it's a top notch school!" she replied. "Are you familiar with it?" she asked. I smiled at her.

"It's my alma mater!" I informed her. I noticed Roger groan as Miss Adams appeared delighted.

"Then you can speak to their excellent academic reputation..." she replied and ignored Roger's sound effects.

"I can...yes..." I agreed and turned to Roger. "It really is one of the best schools..." I argued and he grabbed the list of schools from me and pulled out his glasses to look it over.

"So you want to send him off to get bullied by his classmates then?" Roger asked me pointedly. "Because they will when they find out he has two men for parents!" he said bluntly.

"I understand your point Rog...but maybe we should discuss this further in private..." I suggested. I could tell Miss Adams felt bad about the predicament we are facing.

"I'm sorry if you feel this puts Jimi in a bad place socially...but I want to assure you it would be the best thing for him academically..." she reminded us.

"Thank you for your recommendations Miss Adams...we will give it some serious thought..." Roger told her as he stood up. I could see he was upset and I knew we needed to leave.

"Yes...thank you...we will be in touch..." I added. She got up and shook our hands and walked us out of her office. We were both silent as we headed to the car and I could feel Roger's growing dismay with the situation. He slammed his car door and sighed heavily before he looked right at me.

"No offense Brian...but Hampton? Really?" he asked me and sounded appalled.

"It's not perfect...but at least I can speak to it from personal experience!" I argued to him. Roger appeared disappointed and he focused on starting the car and pulling out of the parking area.

"Yes! Tell me about how much you loved the all boys school where you hardly encountered any girls until you were practically graduated!" he barked at me. I found his choice of argument a bit amusing.

"Well I guess the fact that I didn't get much time with girls hasn't really been an issue in my life...wouldn't you agree?" I asked my husband. Roger glared at me.

"You know I am talking about Jimi going there!" he pointed out. "This is about him attending a school where he will be judged by those fucking snot nosed people who run it and by the rich entitled parents who send their children there!" he complained. I was a little offended by his remark.

"My parents weren't rich and I found most of my instructors to be decent people..." I told him defensively.

"This isn't about you!" he snapped back. "This is about what Jimi will encounter if he goes there..." and made a sound of disgust as he sped up to get on the motorway. I realized something as I watched Roger scowl as he drove.

"No...this isn't about me and it isn't about Jimi..." I replied. "This is about you!" I argued. His face went red.

"What?" he shouted at me.

"You heard me!" I shouted back. "You're the one who is against it!" I pointed out. "Hampton is a fine school and it prepared me well for my studies at Imperial!" I reminded him. "That school helped me get admitted to the University of my choice!" I said proudly.

"And you weren't into boys when you went there...which might have created an entirely different school experience for you!" he argued back. I was confused by his statement.

"But Jimi isn't a homosexual!" I pointed out with growing irritation at this ridiculous argument.

"You don't know that!" Roger responded. "And if his parents are...the kids will treat him like he is too!" he told me. "So he's as good as queer as far as they'd be concerned!" he contended.

"I understand what you are trying to say Rog! I do! But we have to be realistic! He needs a different school and at least I can speak to this one!" I asserted. "We can talk to him about what he should say to other kids and such and we can be careful..." I proposed. "We can find a way to make it work..." I said to try and be optimistic. Roger wouldn't look at me as he drove. He was silent for a while and then spoke.

"I guess you and Clare can take him there and paint a rosy picture..." he told me in a defeated voice. "I just hope for his sake it works out!" he commented. He then turned to me and appeared a little sad. "It's probably for the best that I don't even get involved...school wise I mean..." he mumbled. "It would be easier on him if the school didn't know about me..." he suggested. "Just Uncle Roger..." he uttered quietly. I wasn't sure if he was doing this to guilt me or if he was really that hurt by this.

"Rog..." I began to say and he just shook his head.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore..." he told me. I could see how upset he was and honored his request to drop it. The silence filled with tension and sadness at what we are faced with. "Could you get me a smoke?" he asked suddenly. I reached over and pulled one from his packet and leaned in to place it between his lips. He had pushed in the lighter in the car and when it popped out, he grabbed it. I watched him take out his anguish on the cigarette and felt like today had started out with a lot of promise and turned to shit. We drove the rest of the way in complete silence and growing despair.

---------------------------------------

"Are we going to talk more about it?" I asked Roger at bedtime. The only discussion we had on the topic when returning home was to inform Clare of the situation and get her input. She had agreed that Hampton was probably the best option and Roger had walked out of the room. I asked Clare not to bring it up again and we avoided it the remainder of the day. Now we were alone and I felt Roger had time to cool off.

"What is there to say Brian?" he questioned as he sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed some cream into his hands. He didn't sound angry. "We've got to do what is best for Jimi and sending him there is probably just that..." he remarked. He walked over to his nightstand and grabbed an envelope and handed it to me. "I think it is best that we portray Jimi only having you and Clare as his parents that have recently parted ways and emphasize he lives with you..." Roger told me as I looked at the envelope. It was addressed to him and had his friend Jo's name and a New York address on it.

"What is this?" I asked him.

"There's an article in there that brought home how we need to handle this situation..." he advised as I pulled out a newspaper clipping and looked it over. It was eye opening and concerning. The headline - 'Gay Plague Baffling Medical Detectives' made me shiver.

"Is this from the states?" I asked as I read over the article. Roger sighed and took a seat on the bed.

"Yes...Jo has been keeping an eye out for articles about this for me...I got this today..." he advised. We had both seen a few articles in the papers in England about AIDS and they had raised my concern level again. Cases were on the rise here, though not as prevalent as in the States. And most of the articles were stating it was a problem in the homosexual community and downplaying it being an issue for other groups. A growing trend with intravenous drug users was starting to get attention but it wasn't as pronounced as the criticism of the gay cases.

"Why are they only focused on the gay cases when we know there are people getting it from other sources?" I questioned. Roger looked at me with a mix of frustration and weariness.

"They like the gay angle because they can toss their judgement into the story..." he responded. "We're to blame because of our perverted ways..." he told me sarcastically. I was confused what this had to be with the issue of Jimi's schooling.

"I don't understand what this has to do with Jimi and Hampton..." I stated.

"Think about it Brian!" he responded with the implication I was a bit thick. "These stories are going to keep growing in the papers as this thing spreads...so being gay right now is not something you would necessarily want exposed publicly..." he pointed out. "This is the worst possible time for Jimi to be subjected to any ridicule because of us..." I could see his point.

"Is this why you said you didn't want any mention when we look at enrolling him at the school?" I asked him. He nodded.

"If we are going to put him somewhere new we need to protect him...so it is best that you and Clare enroll him and present a traditional family so he is accepted and doesn't run into problems..." he proposed. "We've been lucky at Faircroft...the faculty and the parents probably know we are together but don't seem to care..." Roger stated. "It won't be that way at Hampton..." he attested. "You know that!"

"You're probably right..." I told him. "We've been spoiled by Faircroft and probably insulated from what would happen in a traditional school setting..." I agreed. Roger made a sound that was half laugh and half groan.

"I hate to admit that your father was right..." he told me in a resigned voice. "He called it when he told me all those years back that we would encounter a lot of problems when the kids got older...that it would get complicated trying to raise them and live this life..." he reminded me.

"I guess he is right..." I concurred with annoyance. "Just please don't tell him that..." I begged and Roger leaned into my side. He didn't seem angry anymore. Just resigned to our situation. I felt a sadness and a touch of anger that we would have to lie to protect Jimi and to protect us. It was another stack of lies told in our lives and it made me a little weary.

"I'm knackered!" Roger whined as he shifted around to lay on the bed. "Could you get me a glass of water?" he asked as he looked up at me. I stood up and smiled at him.

"It's the least I can do considering you just sacrificed your place as Jimi's parent..." I responded. I began walking to the bathroom.

"You know me Bri....always the hero!" he said with a mix of sarcasm and defeat.

28th October 1984

London

Roger's POV

"I want that one!" Tiger Lily told me as we looked at the jewelry counter at a shop in Mayfair. It was a nice silver bracelet and was reasonably priced as a gift for a young girl.

"We'll take that one please..." I told the shop assistant. She pulled it out of the display case and handed it to Tiger Lily. She looked it over. "Is that going to work?" I asked her. She nodded as she handed it to the lady.

"Shall I wrap it for you?" she suggested. I smiled.

"Yes...thank you..." I responded. Tiger Lily looked around as we waited for the gift wrapping and I paid for the gift. She had a friend's birthday party the next day and we had gone into London to shop since I had some other errands. It had proved a nice distraction from the events related to Jimi's education. I got busy planning the Ibiza trip to distract me and was in a better mood as a result. I took the gift bag from the clerk and handed it to Tigs as we headed out of the shop.

"Where are we going next?" she asked me as we got in my car.

"I just need to pick something up at the office..." I replied and Tigs appeared excited. She loves visiting Queen productions. I parked in the reserved spot at the building and we went inside. We were instantly greeted with a wide smile by the receptionist.

"Hello Miss Tiger Lily!" Nan told her sweetly as my daughter went over and accepted a hug from the older woman. She produced her glass jar of sweets and let Tigs take one. I walked over and had one for myself.

"Hey Nan..." I stated. "Thanks for the toffee..." I said as we headed towards my office and I chewed on the soft buttery treat. I could hear Maggie answering the phone as we opened the glass doors.

"Nightjar Productions..." I overheard and smiled at her professionalism. She saw me as we came inside and smiled and pointed at a large envelope on her desk. It told me she had the travel packet for me. She waved to Tigs as she began writing something on a pad of paper. "I will take care of that right away...thank you..." she told the caller and hung up.

"Hey Maggie..." I said and she reached over and grabbed the large envelope.

"Hello Roger...I've got your travel packet...it was delivered just an hour ago..." she advised. I took it from her and eyed the contents. There was the arrangement for a private plane and the confirmation for our accommodations.

"Thanks..." I replied. Maggie turned her attention to my daughter.

"How are you today Tiger Lily?" she asked her.

"I'm good...thank you..." Tigs answered. "We've been shopping!" she informed Maggie.

"That's lovely..." Maggie told her and turned around in her chair and stood up as she grabbed a box and brought it to her desk. "Oh...I almost forgot!" she declared and opened the lid to show us some new Queen merchandise. "These came over from promotions..." she advised. I took a look at the t-shirt, badges and banners. They were items prepared for our trip to Rio. Tiger Lily looked dazzled by them.

"Can I have the badges?" she asked. I nodded and she took them and shoved them inside her little handbag. I know she likes badges and has a large pegboard of them in her room.

"Want to get something for Jimi?" I asked her. She shrugged.

"He's not really into this stuff..." she informed me.

"Alright...we need to go..." I advised and we said goodbye as we headed out of the building. She held my hand as we walked to the car. Despite turning 10 she had not outgrown physical affection and I appreciated still being able to hold her hand or give her a hug or kiss. We walked towards the car and I noticed a man seated in a green vehicle watching us. He immediately lifted up a newspaper and pretended to be reading it. There was something familiar about the face but I couldn't place what it was. I was certain it was some photographer and bit my lip as we got in the car and took off.

I was soon on the motorway heading for home. We were all going out for dinner tonight to celebrate Jimi's test scores. We had not told him about the school change yet. He wouldn't start until the next term and we needed to apply first. Tiger Lily turned on the radio and I laughed as we heard Freddie's song 'Love Kills' playing. We both began singing along. I knew he had reached the top 10 with his song last week and felt envious that he so easily got a hit from his first solo release. I rolled it off as I focused on driving.

I was changing lanes to get near our exit and noticed a familiar car changing not far from behind us. It was the same green car I had seen at the Queen office. He was following me! I was instantly annoyed at his persistence and was grateful for our gated property as we exited the motorway and headed to Milhanger. I didn't tell Tiger Lily we were being followed and kept my eye on the rearview mirror.

Sure enough he was following us as we reached the turn off and I pulled up to the large gate and stopped to enter our security code. I watched in the mirror as I saw the car go by slower than he should be going on the main road. I grinned as the gate opened and we slowly went through. He went on by and I took great satisfaction in him not getting anywhere near my family.

Chapter Text

1st November 1984

London

Roger's POV

"We fly out on the 7th of January to Rio and our first show is on the 11th..." Jim advised as we all sat at the large table in his office. It was myself, Brian, Freddie and Deacy and Gerry Stickells, Paul Prenter and our main road crew. "Our second performance is on the 18th..." he reminded us. A week later. It would be fun to spend some free time exploring while there and wondered what might be planned for us.

"The last item was have on the agenda is we've finalized the release date for your Christmas single..." Jim announced. "It will be out on the 26th of November and the next day in the U.S. ..." he advised. Deacy made a snorting sound.

"What's the point of putting it out in the U.S. ?" Deacy questioned. We all shared a look of mutual agreement. Jim sighed as he looked at us all.

"We should at least see if we can make a dent in the charts over there..." Jim said to be optimistic. I tried not to roll my eyes. Our last few singles had done quite poorly. Ever since they banned our video for 'I Want To Break Free' on MTV we seemed to have lost favor with the American fans. Our hot streak over there seemed to begin cooling with Hot Space and now we weren't even going to tour there. It felt like a lost cause these days.

"Speaking of Christmas!" Freddie chimed in to change the subject. "Are you going to make an appearance again this year on Pop Quiz's Christmas show?" he asked me. I had appeared on their Christmas special last year and on another episode back in June.

"No...I'm out this year..." I confirmed. "They film it around this time and I've got plans..." I reminded him.

"Oh that's right!" Freddie replied and gestured at me and Brian. "You've got a little dirty weekend planned...don't you?" he teased. Everyone chuckled and I threw a wadded up piece of paper at Freddie. I noticed Brian trying to ignore the blatant reminder we were headed off for some couple's time on the Spanish island.

"Is there anything else?" Jim declared to move us along. No one commented so he closed his notebook. "Right!" he said and stood up. "We'll meet again on January 3rd unless something else comes up...everyone enjoy your holidays and see you then!" he advised. The meeting broke up and people began chatting about their Christmas plans. Freddie was heading back to Munich to do more work on his solo album and socialize with his German friends. Deacy had been offered a partnership in a studio venture and was taking some meetings about it. We all parted ways with excitement about playing the Rock in Rio festival after the holidays and Brian and I left our offices to drive home.

"I'm getting excited..." Brian told me as we got in the car. I pulled out into traffic and headed for the motorway. I smiled at him.

"Me too..." I agreed. "Do you need to pick up anything on the way home?" I asked. He shook his head.

"I got everything I needed yesterday and even finished packing..." he confirmed. I wasn't surprised but knew he would fret over forgetting something before we leave in a few days. It was his nature and it hadn't changed in all these years.

"I'll finish when we get home..." I replied.

As I pulled onto the motorway I checked my rearview mirror so I could change lanes and swore I saw that same green car I had seen a few days ago. I was instantly annoyed and a bit troubled by it. I glanced over at Brian.

"Take a look in your mirror and tell me if you see a green car..." I requested. Brian looked and turned back to me.

"Yes...there is a green car..." he confirmed. "What is it?" he asked.

"I'm not sure...but I think some reporter or photographer is tailing me..." I replied. "I saw him the other day at the office and he followed me all the way home..." I explained. Brian immediately looked in his mirror again.

"The nerve of some of them!" he complained and huffed as he turned back to look at me. "So he knows where we live?" Brian questioned.

"He does...but what good does it do him?" I responded. "He can't get on our property..." I pointed out. Brian appeared distressed by it.

"I just don't like the idea of someone following us...you know the last time we had that Sun reporter creeping about it was nothing but trouble..." he reminded me.

"I don't know who he is...but I'm not stopping to find out..." I told Brian. I had an idea. "Hang on!" I said and Brian wondered what I meant when I hit the gas pedal and increased my speed. He instantly clinched at the front dash with his hands and I felt a sense of appeasement as I began to maneuver around the cars in front of me.

"What are you doing?" Brian asked with concern as I whipped around a slow moving car.

"Losing the bastard!" I replied and grinned as I quickly got over and into the fastest moving lane and put some real distance between us. The green car was a compact vehicle and didn't have a powerful engine like my Mercedes. I knew I would leave him miles behind us. We were soon pulling into Milhanger and Brian watched the road behind us as I pressed in the security code.

"I didn't see him..." Brian told me as I drove the house.

"Good...maybe he'll get the message..." I remarked and felt gratified in losing him.

-----------------------------------------------
2nd November 1984

London

Brian's POV

"It is an honor to meet you Mr. May..." the young school tour guide told me as we shook hands. He was an older student and a bit starry eyed as he smiled widely at me. It was apparent he is a fan. I smiled back.

"Thank you..." I said politely. He finally let go of my hand and turned his attention to Clare.

"And welcome to Hampton Mrs. May..." he then said and Clare bit her bottom lip at the faux pas about her name. She simply nodded.

"Thanks..." she told him. The guide finally looked at Jimi and stuck out his hand.

"And you must be Jimi!" the guide said with genuine excitement. They shook hands and the young man gestured towards the hallway. "We can get started with your tour...right this way!" he advised. We followed him out of the administrative office and I felt a sense of deja vu as we walked through the main building. It had been so long ago that I spent my days here. This institution of learning. I felt a sense of pride as Jimi was shown around and told all about the facilities and the programs offered here. He seemed interested and listened to the young guide. I was surprised at some of the questions Clare asked as we visited the grounds and discussed what a typical day on campus was like. She was taken in by the opportunities he had here and I noted that Jimi had grown excited when shown the indoor swimming facilities and the football field. It was interesting to see my son somewhat keen on sporting activities. Something I never really had much interest in.

I did notice several students and faculty members recognizing me as we visited the buildings. I simply smiled at them as they stood open mouthed as I passed by. They were respectful though and didn't approach me. I was glad as today was about Jimi and not me. I recognized a few older instructors but I am not sure they recognized me. I had a lot more hair now than when I attended and was dressed quite differently than my days spent in a black and yellow uniform.

I found myself getting swept up in memories of the place as I visited hallways I had walked down and even found that same storage building at the edge of the athletics field where the boys used hang out and smoke and play guitar. I smiled as I remembered playing with my fellow bandmates in 1984 and missed the days I spent dreaming of a musical future with Tim. If I had only known where those dreams would lead me.

Our tour wrapped up when we circled back to the main building. Our guide took Jimi to get something to drink and Clare and I were escorted into the office of the school recruiter. We were introduced to a Mr. Phelps and were seated to talk about enrolling Jimi.

"Mr. May I want to assure you that while we do have an enrollment process and preliminary exams that Jimi needs to take, it appears from the file Miss Adams sent over from Faircroft, that his acceptance shouldn't be an issue..." Mr. Phelps advised me. He seemed pleased at my presence and sat with a beaming smile on his face. "The exams are usually in early January and once we get the results we can notify you of his acceptance..." he explained. "Miss Adams took the liberty of completing most of Jimi's application herself and I have it here..." Mr. Phelps advised. "We simply need some particulars and your signature and we can start his enrollment process..." he requested. "Did you have any questions about the fees to attend?" he asked me carefully. I smiled at him. I knew he had to ask and also knew the cost was not an issue for me.

"Miss Adams gave me your information...I have no questions..." I assured him. The man appeared smug as he placed the application in front of me to review. Everything appeared correct and I filled in the missing information. I found there was a field requesting the name of a relative and took it upon myself to list Roger's information. It was the only mention he might get and my stomach knotted as I wrote his relationship as Uncle. Clare saw what I was doing and reached over and placed her hand on my leg. I signed the application as Jimi's parent and moved it over so Clare could also sign the form. We handed it back to Mr. Phelps.

"Marvelous...well...it appears we have what we need to get his enrollment process started..." Mr. Phelps explained. "We will notify you within the month of his scheduled exam date..." he advised. I saw Mr. Phelps slip a brochure inside a file before he handed it to me. "Everything you need for now is in this folder...and I included a brochure about our alumni group if you're interested..." he said as I took the folder. I was amused at his slight reference to the alumni group. I knew it was a pitch to get me to join and possibly donate to their foundation. We shook hands and collected Jimi and headed out. I had been pleased overall but was curious what Clare and most importantly, Jimi, thought of the place.

"So what did you think?" I asked Jimi as he walked between us to the car. He smiled as he looked up at me.

"Can I play football if I come here?" he asked. I was surprised by his question and shrugged.

"I expect so..." I answered. "I never took an interest but you can if you want..." I told him. He looked at Clare and she nodded approval. She appeared surprised as well.

"Can I get one of those jumpers?" Jimi asked as he pointed to a pair of students wearing matching school uniform jumpers of yellow with black embroidery of the school name and crest.

"Yes..." Clare assured him. "You can have two if you want..." He seemed to think for a moment and then nodded.

"I think I want to come here..."

------------------------------------

"So what do you think?" Roger asked Jimi when we got home. Jimi sat down and told Roger all about the school and the uniforms and the football field. I felt bad for Roger but he listened and was encouraging. He wanted what was best for Jimi despite being left out of the situation. Tiger Lily joined the conversation and was excited for her brother. She loved her school and it seemed the perfect fit for her but she seemed to recognize Jimi needed something different. Mia stood and witnessed the exchange about the school and I knew we needed to talk to her about the logistics. Jimi and Tigs went to watch a tv program and we were left to discuss it as adults.

"I guess we need to talk about the changes once Jimi changes schools.." I suggested. "If they are going to different schools we have to figure out how they will get there..."

"It's a longer drive..." Clare remarked as she recalled how long it took us to get there. "That's a long haul for Mia every day..." she stated. It is and I knew we probably had to get some help.

"I guess we can look into a driver that could take Jimi to school and back..." I suggested. Roger looked dubious and I spotted a frown on Mia's face.

"We can't hire just anyone..." he responded. "Let me call the office and see if they can recommend someone..." Roger got up and went to his office to call and I found Mia looking worried about something. Before I could ask her what she was thinking she stood up.

"I need to see about dinner..." she mumbled as she left the room. Clare and I looked at each other.

"Is something wrong with Mia?" I asked. She shrugged and seemed unsure. "I'll go ask..." I proposed and headed for the kitchen. I found her standing at the counter and noticed she was wiping her face. Was she crying? "Mia...is everything alright?" I asked as I approached her. She turned and had a forced smile but I could tell her eyes were wet.

"I'm okay..." she responded and turned back to the counter. I knew it wasn't true.

"You're crying Mia...what is wrong?" I questioned. She turned back around and leaned against the counter and looked right at me.

"Are you happy with me? With the job I'm doing?" she asked sincerely. I was surprised by the question but knew she clearly needed to know.

"We are thrilled with the job you do for us!" I quickly answered. "I don't know how we could manage without you..." I emphasized. She did smile hearing that. "Do you think we're unhappy with you?" I asked her. She sniffled a bit.

"I just wondered since you're talking about getting a driver and all..." she responded.

"Only because we don't want to put too much on you Mia..." I explained.

"But I wouldn't mind the added work..." she protested. "Brian...do you know what I do most days?" she questioned. I wasn't sure what she was getting at.

"Maybe not..." I said to be open minded.

"I get up and make breakfast and take the kids to school and then I've got some chores I do each day like laundry and the shopping..." she explained. "But after that I don't have much until I collect them from school..." she revealed. "I get bored to be quite honest..." she confessed. Mia pulled herself away from the counter and began pacing as she continued with her speech about her daily life. "When I started five years ago my hands were full!" she exclaimed with a reminiscent expression. "Jimi was still in nappies and he totally depended on me...and Tiger Lily was just five then...she needed a lot more care..." she explained to me. "Now she's ten and doesn't need me to wake her up for school or help her dress or even remind her to bathe...she just needs someone to get her to school and back and prepare her meals..." she advised. "And Jimi used to be so clingy and shy and even he's grown out of some of that and has become a lot more independent..." I had to agree that the children had grown up a lot.

"You're right!" I concurred.

"So if I have to manage a bit of extra driving and deal with two different schools...well I'd welcome the challenge!" she said with relief that she had told me what was on her mind. I smiled at her.

"If it's what you want then we'll forgo getting a driver..." I told her. "Though we may want to get you a newer car..." I suggested. "I just realized you're still driving the one we had when you first started..." I said and we both rolled our eyes at how pretentious it sounded.

"Yes...we wouldn't want Jimi seen in an old car on his first day at Hampton!" she teased with a wink.

"Please don't tell Roger that...he's already on me about how posh the place is..." I complained. "I meant that your car has quite a few miles on it..." I tried to tell her. She giggled at me.

"No worries...I won't tell him..." she assured me. I had not even gauged that she had been working for us for five years already. Where had the time gone?

"It's been five years already....wow!" I commented to her. She nodded agreement.

"It has!" she confirmed. "In fact it was around this time you hired me..." she reminded me. I looked at her with admiration and reached over and took her hand in mine.

"It was one of the best decisions of our lives..." I told her sincerely. "Not only have you been an exemplary caregiver...you've kept our secret Mia...and I cannot tell you how much that means to me...to Roger..." I stated with affection. She smiled back and pulled me into a hug.

"Thank you Brian..." she told me with emotion. "It means a lot that you said that..." she added. We stood in an embrace for a few minutes and felt the warmth of the bond we had. The shared joy of the children and a life enter-twined by them. We finally parted and she turned back to the counter.

"What's for dinner?" I asked her. She pointed to a recipe on the counter. I saw it was a card with my handwriting on it.

"It's your famous cheese lasagna!" she told me. I smiled and walked to the pantry. Wanting to help her make dinner.

"I'll get the pasta..." I replied and she nodded as she grabbed a large pot to start the boiling water.
---------------------------------------------

3rd November 1984

Clare's POV

"I need to be home for the next few days as Roger and Brian are going to be out of town..." I told Malcolm. He smiled at me as he leaned over and kissed my shoulder. I pulled up my bra strap as I finished getting dressed.

"It is remarkable how well things have gone with you and Brian ending things..." Malcolm remarked as he watched me put on my shoes. "Most people end up being so angry or awkward they can't remain friends..." he told me. I smiled at him. If he only knew the whole story he would find it even more intriguing. Brian and Roger weren't headed off for any Queen business tomorrow. They were stealing away for some time alone. I had decided if things got more serious between us I would have to reveal the truth to him. He had come across as open minded about most things since I've met him. I know he has been to some parties at Elton John's and he had mentioned having homosexual acquaintances but had mentioned their sexuality only when it came up. Never as a criticism or insult.

"Brian and I will always be close..." I responded. "We share a child and he's one of my best friends..." I said to be clear about who we are. "I hope that isn't a problem for you..." I said as I walked over to get my bag and coat. Malcolm had followed me from the bedroom and helped me put on my coat.

"I don't have a problem at all..." he assured me. "It's mature and refreshing to be completely honest..." he added. I smiled at his acceptance of the situation.

"Good!" I said as I leaned in and we shared a kiss. I lingered there and enjoyed his lips. Malcolm is an extremely talented kisser and I savored it before parting. "I guess this is goodnight..." I advised as I headed for his door. He walked over and opened it for me. Ever the gentleman.

"Call me tomorrow...have a safe drive..." he told me and leaned in for another kiss. I smiled as I stepped out his door and waved. I carried that smile all the way to my car and slid inside. I turned on my stereo and enjoyed the radio as I left his flat and headed for the motorway. It was a clear night and the starry sky became more visible as I left London and headed towards Surrey. I grew tired of the radio and switched on my cassette player. I turned up the volume as I listened to Prince's Purple Rain soundtrack. It was such a tremendous record and I had not tired of it since the summer.

'I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted one time to see you laughing
I only want to see you laughing in the purple rain'

I always thought of the film when I heard this particular song and enjoyed the memory of it. Mia and I had gone off to see it together when the children were at school one day. We both thought Prince was sexy and so talented.

I was surprised by the low amount of traffic tonight and enjoyed not having to dodge slow cars. I had become a bit more like my brother as a driver these days and was probably going too fast. I yawned as I got close to the exit and got over so I could take the slip road. I was soon headed towards home and glad I was almost there. I yawned again as I drove down Thursley Road. Almost there! I slowed as I neared my turn off and noticed a car following close behind me. He was a little too close for my liking but I switched on my turn signal so they would know I was turning up ahead. I reached the turn and was surprised when the green car behind me also turned. For a moment I wondered if they were lost or something. Then a bad feeling spread through me as I slowed to a stop at the security gate. I didn't like this at all and wondered what I should do. I quickly rolled down my window and reached for the intercom button instead of the security code panel. I pressed the button and hoped someone would answer. I peered into my rearview mirror and saw someone getting out of the car. My heart rate shot through the roof as fear took over my senses. Shit! I instantly imagined something horrible happening to me and pressed the intercom button again. Feeling desperate. Come on! Answer!

I watched as the man came closer and I found myself feeling a bit of anger that they would follow me. It occurred to me it might be one of those dreadful reporters and that really got my ire up. I decided to confront them since I wasn't getting an answer from the intercom. I opened my car door and took a deep breath as I got out and faced my pursuer. I put my hands on my hips and glared at him as he walked up to me.

"This is private property and you are trespassing!" I said in a firm authoritative voice. Feeling justified in my words. I kept up my indignant expression as he walked out of the darkness and got close enough for me to see his face.

"Oh my god!" I said in disbelief as my hands fell from my hips in complete shock. A sense of dread filled me up as I stared at the man standing in front of me. It can't be! He formed a pleased expression at seeing me recognize him. It only added to my horror.

'Hello Clare!"

"Dad! What are you doing here?" I questioned. Trying to absorb the fact my father was standing in front of me. How did he find us? How did he know where we lived? "How did you find this place?" I questioned. He looked smug.

"It was simple actually!" he told me with a sense of pride. "I just waited at the Queen offices and followed your idiot brother home one day..." he revealed. It made me angry that he was so arrogant about it. Proud of being devious and underhanded.

"Well I am glad you are proud of your detective work...but you're not going any further than this point!" I announced and crossed my arms over my chest. He began laughing at me.

"I've got news for you sweetheart! You are going to open this gate and we are both going in..." he replied in a confident tone. "Because if you don't, I am going straight to The Sun and telling them everything I know about your poof brother and his bandmate lover!" he stated and the darkness in his eyes told me he would do it.

----------------------------------------------

"Would you look at this place?" my father sneered as he took in the sights of the property. I drove slowly in the dark and felt a sense of doom at his presence. "Depravity paid for all this!" he complained as he sat in my passenger seat. I tried to ignore him and focused on arriving safely. When he saw the house up close he made a scoffing sound. "And you live here with those two?" my father questioned judgingly to me as I pulled the car into the gravel drive. I ignored his commentary as I turned the car off and sighed heavily as I got out. Wishing I had stayed the night at Malcolm's place and never come back here. He moved quickly to follow me and I was surprised at how fit he looked despite the health problems he had faced all those years back. He had white hair these days and had lost some weight. His posture showed he remained strong and his apparent hatred for us seemed to energize him. I did note he smelled of cigarettes so he had never given that habit up. The front drive light was on as we walked to the door and my heartrate continued to climb.

"Please be quiet..." I requested. "Don't wake the children..." I asked him. His face formed a look of displeasure as I opened the front door.

"Those two having children is an abomination Clare!" he barked at me. Loudly. Not caring who he woke. "Roger!" he began shouting as he stepped into the foyer. I cringed at what was going to happen next and felt like our world was about to crumble.
==========================

Roger's POV

I heard my name being shouted downstairs and was surprised it was a male voice calling out. They sounded angry and there was something familiar about it. I sat my book down and tried to place it as I got up from the sofa in the bedroom and walked out to the hallway. Wondering who could be here this late at night and why they were making such a racket. It was midnight!

"Roger Meddows Taylor! Get down here!" they shouted. I recognized the voice and my stomach dropped like lead. I immediately headed for the stairs and saw Mia coming out of her room. I gestured at her and placed my finger over my mouth to indicate remaining silent. I walked a little closer and saw Tiger Lily opening her door. She saw me and looked frightened and began walking towards us.

"Get the children out of here..." I told Mia in a whisper. She nodded and turned to take hold of Tiger Lily's hand.

"Who is that?" Tigs asked me in a worried voice as she was prompted to move by Mia. My father shouted my name again and it made my daughter jump.

"Don't worry about that...come on..." Mia whispered to her as I headed for the stairs. I began going down and wondered where Brian was as I reached the first landing. A jolt of shock went through me when I caught sight of my father standing at the foot of the stairs glaring up at me. The same angry expression he always wore. That same aggressive stance. He appeared older but actually looked much healthier than when I last saw him. It was disconcerting to think he was so well.

"What are you doing here?" I questioned as I kept coming down the stairs. Not wanting to display any of my anxiety at his presence. I saw Clare walking up behind him and wearing a distraught expression on her face. 'I'm sorry..' she mouthed to me. I ignored her and stayed focused on the problem at hand. It wasn't her fault he was here.

"I'm here to get what's owed me!" he said sternly. "You and your sister are going to give me what I'm due!" he snarled. I wasn't sure what he meant and was trying to figure out where Brian might be. I kept my eyes on my father.

"And what is it you think I owe you?" I questioned back. He took a step forward and lowered his eyelids as he spoke.

"I've spent a lot of money on you over the years and I paid for your drums and helped you get a van with your mates..." he began to argue. "I supported you so you could go out and play music and not have to get a real job!" his face showed real resentment towards me and I noticed Clare looked quite pale. Poor Clare was in shock and in horror at his unexpected reappearance in our lives. "Some of us actually worked for a living!" he complained.

"I thought that is what most parents do for their children..." I responded and gave him back a condescending look. "I seem to recall having a lot of paying gigs in my teens and paying my own way since then..." I argued to him. "But get to the point...what do you want?" I asked as I didn't want to have him in my home any longer than necessary.

"You are going to give me 10,000 pounds right now and then you are sending me 1,000 pounds every month from now on..." he announced. It didn't surprise me he wanted money. He always seemed to value it more than family.

"And if I don't pay you?" I asked him and folded my arms across my chest. My father drew a wicked smile on his face as he looked me in the eyes.

"Then I am going straight to The Sun and telling them all about you and your queer lover!" he shot back. Clare looked distraught as my father explained his threat. I had to get him out of here. I had the money so it wasn't an issue but the fact I was being blackmailed by him made my teeth clench with anger.

"And if I pay you...you will leave us alone?" I questioned as I looked him straight in the eye. We were both distracted by Brian making an appearance in the room behind Clare. He had clearly heard everything as he stood at her side and put him arm around her to comfort her. My father gazed at Brian with complete disgust and turned to walk towards him. Brian stood his ground though. It made me proud he showed no fear despite our previous run ins with the man.

"I will leave you alone on the condition I get my money and that you no longer live in sin with him!" My father demanded as he stood in front of Brian and leered at him. "I cannot tolerate knowing you are both still here....living this abomination!" he said in a hateful tone. My stomach twisted in knots hearing this and I could see a look of desperation form on Brian's face. His stoic reserve failed as he looked up at me with complete anguish and then back at my father.

"You can't do this!" Brian pleaded as he looked at my father with despair and tears filling his eyes. "We have children! You can't expect us to..." Brian told him and then grew silent at the very idea of us no longer being together. Not raising our children together.

"I'll give whatever money you want!" I said as I came down the remaining stairs and went right towards my father. Ready to bargain for his silence and for him to leave us in peace. "Please...don't ask us to do this...." I begged as I watched his face fill with satisfaction at seeing us grovel. He stood tall and clearly felt superior as he gazed at me with a wide smile.

"I'll do whatever I want Roger!" he told me. "I'm no longer going to sit in my little semi-detached home and count my pennies that I earned the honest way and watch you spread your depravity all over the world!" he lectured. "You and those other two poofs in your band!" he remarked with contempt. "You've made millions off those fans and if they knew you were nothing but a bunch of pansies...they'd stone you in the streets!" he informed us. My heart was sinking fast at the realization we might be trapped.

"I won't leave my children!" Brian argued back to him and my father stepped closer to him and jabbed his finger in Brian's chest. Clare took a few steps back and was clearly terrified that this would turn violent. I couldn't put it past him. I moved closer as well. Preparing for a fight.

"You will bloody leave this place and take your devil spawn with you!" My father ordered. "Or I will be at The Sun newspapers first thing in the morning!" he threatened. He jabbed Brian again. "And I will call protective services and they will swoop in and take your children anyway!" he promised. Brian's face fell at this statement and he looked at me with absolute heartbreak. My father turned to look at me with his arrogance on full display.

"Why are you doing this?" I questioned as my head and my heart ached with the painful reality of what we were facing.

"I want my money now because you're both probably going to die of that queer disease anyway..." he declared. "It's in the papers...they say that you're all going to die from that gay plague!" he informed us. "So you better get busy writing that check!" he demanded.

I felt wretched as I stood in my office and wrote out a check to my father for 10,000 pounds. He stood and watched and practically drooled. I tore the check out of my book and handed it to him with great resentment. He pressed his fingers into the paper and looked it over. Clearly thrilled at his victory here tonight. He folded it and shoved it in his pocket. I felt sick to my stomach.

"What am I supposed to do about the band?" I questioned. He had made it clear I was to pay him and that Brian and Jimi had to leave. He hadn't said what we should do about Queen. He grinned at me.

"I'm not completely unreasonable..." he responded as he looked around my office. Seeing my gold records and awards on a shelf. "I'm not going to kill the cash cow Roger..." he said as he walked over and picked up an American Music award. "You can stay in your queer little group but I'll have you know that if you so much as stand too close to that guitar player I will know it!" he warned. "I've got my spies who will tell me if you step out of line..." he threatened. I wasn't sure what he meant by this but believed him. I had never realized how diabolical he could be until this moment. My father placed a slip of paper on my desk and I saw it was his address.

"So I send the payments here?" I asked him with a feeling of bile in my throat. He nodded and tapped the paper with his finger.

"Yes...and if something happens to me you will keep sending those payments to Moira..." he demanded. "And speaking of something happening to me..." he suddenly stated. "If anything funny should happen to me...Moira is quite prepared to go to The Sun as well..." he promised. "So bear that in mind when you think you can scheme your way out of this!" he declared.

"So that's it?" I asked him. Needing him to leave so I could go be sick and figure out what I was supposed to do going forward. I watched my father walk over and pick up a framed photograph of Brian and I and he held it up as he looked at me.

"I want him out of his house by noon tomorrow..." my father demanded and then tossed the framed picture in the rubbish bin by my desk. "Now you need to drive me back to my car..." he announced. My father began walking from my office and I leaned forward and pressed my hands to the edge of my desk. Feeling incredibly nauseous. I thought I might vomit in my bin but reached down and took the broken frame from the trash and looked at us both. Brian and I were arm in arm and looking at each other and smiling. It had been taken in Japan right before we came home and got Tiger Lily. I thought things had been bad then but it felt small compared to this.

I felt complete anguish as I carefully placed the frame on my desk and bent over and got sick in the bin. I choked a little as I heaved a few more times. I broke out in a cold sweat and wiped at my face and mouth as I tried to collect myself to go drive my father back to his car. I stood up and walked out of my office knowing that my entire life was about to change and there was nothing I could do about it.

Chapter Text

* warning about homophobic language and mild violence

3rd November 1984

Surrey

Voyeur POV

"I still don't understand how you came from me and you're with him..." Michael questioned as Roger drove his father to the security gate entrance. "You had loads of girlfriends when you lived at home..." Michael pointed out. "Was it London that did this to you or did that poof do something to make you want him?" He asked his son with a sense of judgement in his tone. Roger kept his eyes on the dark road ahead of them. He didn't feel his father deserved any response in light of the demands he had made tonight. He would never understand the love he had for Brian. So he decided to not offer him one.

Michael stared at his child and annoyance grew at the silence. "Answer me!" He suddenly shouted. Roger almost jumped from the loud and abrasive command. He glanced over at his father for a moment. Still in disbelief this was happening to him.

"There is nothing I can say that will satisfy you so I don't know why we need to have this conversation..." Roger replied with a sternness of his own. His own anger was roused by this incident tonight and the tension in the car was palpable. Michael reached over and took hold of Roger's shirt collar and yanked on it. It made Roger swerve a bit on the road but he tried to keep calm as his father got physical with him. He brought the car to a halt as Michael forced him to look right at him.

"You'll answer me or I will knock it right out of you!" Michael threatened. Roger noted the darkness in his eyes and knew his father meant what he said. He was still gripping Roger's shirt collar.

"I can't give you an answer..." Roger said in defeat. "I don't know exactly...I wasn't aware I was attracted to any man until I got with Brian..." he tried to explain. His father wasn't satisfied.

"So he seduced you and has kept you under his spell all this time?" Michael questioned with horror. Roger sighed and shook his head and felt his father's grip tighten at his reaction.

"No...it was nothing like that at all...we fell in love...it's as simple as that..." Roger tried to explain. His father let go of his collar and grunted as he wiped his hand over his face.

"It had to be your Mother then..." Michael argued. "She was always babying you and let you grow your hair out and wear those pansy outfits..." he complained. "Even though I told her not to...she still let you get your way with everything..." Michael said with bitterness. "She should have known it would turn you..." he declared as he glared at Roger. The accusations against his Mother were too much to bear.

"I think she paid good and hard for disagreeing with you all those years..." Roger spat back. "She has the scars to prove it!" he reminded his Father. Michael lashed out in anger and reached up to strike his son. Roger had anticipated it and blocked his hand with his arm. He quickly took hold of his father's wrist in a firm grip and stared into his eyes. "Not as strong as you once were..." Roger told him with confidence. He knew his father had to have lost some of his vigor over the years. He had been right. Michael glared right back at him.

"I don't need a fist to get you back in line..." Michael countered. "I've got public opinion and your livelihood in my pocket!" he reminded him. "Let go of my wrist or I promise the first thing I will do is call Child Services!" he stated with clear intent. Roger loosened his grip as his Father yanked his hand away. "Drive!" his Father demanded.

Roger's despair grew as he reached the entrance. He stopped the car and used the inside keypad to open the gate. "Remember! That man is out by noon tomorrow! Him and his child!" "I don't care that Clare is that boys mother...she had no business making a baby for you and that queer! She's no better in my eyes than either of you!" Michael barked as he got out of the car.

Roger remained in the driver's seat as he watched his father walk to his own vehicle and get inside. The small green car was soon turning around in the small space and pulling out on the main road. Roger slumped his body over the steering wheel and couldn't figure out if he was going to cry or be sick again. His stomach churning told him the answer and he turned and flung up the car door as he vomited on the ground.

------------------

Despite the darkness, Roger drove back to the house at a frantic pace. He ran from the car in through the front door. Feeling desperate to see his family and know they were okay. The foyer was empty.

"Brian! Clare!" he shouted and began walking briskly down the hall.

"In here!" he heard Clare say in a strangled voice. Roger rushed into Brian's office and found Brian curled up in a ball against Clare on the sofa. His face was buried in her shoulder and he was sobbing and rocking back and forth. Clare's face was wet with tears as she held onto Brian. Trying to comfort him and comfort herself. She looked up at Roger.

"Brian...." Roger said with pain in his voice. It hurt that there was nothing to say to make Brian feel better. They both knew what was going to happen and Roger understood why Brian was in the state he was in. Roger wasn't far from collapsing as well. Brian pulled away from Clare and Roger instantly erupted into tears as he looked into Brian's anguished expression. Brian flung himself towards Roger and the men instantly clung to each other as Roger collapsed onto the sofa. They sat in silence and wept together. Clare worked to get a hold of herself as the men let out all their heartbreak.

"I'm going to find Mia and the kids..." Clare finally said as she pulled herself from the sofa. Roger realized then he hadn't checked on her.

"Did he touch you Clare?" Roger demanded to know. He worried his Father had got physical with her. Clare sniffled and shook her head and reached over and touched Roger's arm.

"No...it was just him shouting..." she assured her brother. "I knew I better do as he asked..." she stated as a way to convey she knew he would easily strike her if she didn't comply. Roger nodded understanding. He was grateful at least that neither of them had experienced his usual level of violence. "Stay here..." Clare told them and left the room. Roger had calmed a little and pulled an arm from around Brian to wipe his face on his shirtsleeve.

"Brian...we need to pull ourselves together..." he requested as he gently nudged at Brian to let go of him. "The kids will be here in a minute..." he pointed out in a rough voice. Brian loosened his hold on Roger and immediately wiped at his tear streaked face. Hiccupping from his over stretched emotions. Brian nodded agreement to collect themselves and slumped over on the sofa away from Roger as the blond stood up and went to the bathroom to get a damp cloth.

Brian sat hunched over and ran hands through his hair to pull it away from his face. He watched Roger come back in and took the cloth offered to him to clean up. "Thanks..." Brian told him quietly.

"Let's just tell the kids we're all going to bed and that everything is okay for now...and we can figure out what we are going to say to them in the morning..." Roger suggested. Brian wiped his face and blew his nose as he considered the idea.

"Okay..." Brian answered and cleared his throat as he looked at Roger. Seeing the man he loved so much standing there with dismay in his eyes. He questioned if they could hide their sorrow from the children. He figured they had to. Brian purposely got up to help steel himself. He pulled his hair back from his face again and Roger reached up to help him tidy up his appearance. Their eyes locked and the pain of what was to come gripped them both.

"Let's just get the kids to bed and we can talk...alright?" Roger repeated as he saw Brian's lip trembling. He leaned in to kiss him to stop him shaking. Brian pulled him closer and their mouths met with a mix of passion and pain. Both were fighting a new wave of tears but wrapped their arms around each other for strength.

"I love you..." Brian whispered as they parted lips and he clung to his husband.

"I love you too..." Roger said back and they stood in silence and savored the feel of each other as they waited for the others to return.

-------------

Both men were in a measured place with their emotions as they heard footsteps. They left Brian's office and found Tiger Lily and Jimi running towards them. Brian instantly scooped up Tiger Lily in his arms and held her tight. Wondering if this might be the last time for a while that he could hold her.

"Who was that man?" Tigs asked her parents as Roger picked up Jimi and hugged him close.

"It doesn't matter..." Roger answered quickly as he clung to his son. Running his hand over Jimi's thick hair as he took in his scent and tried to memorize the feel of him. "He's gone and we all need to go to bed and get some sleep..." Roger assured her.

"Let's head on up..." Brian suggested and glanced over at the worried faces of Mia and Clare. All of them trying to be stoic right now.

"Why did we have to go to the pool house?" Jimi questioned as they climbed the stairs. He was still in Roger's arms and was confused about why he had been woke and guided down the back stairs to Daddy's office and then taken to the building with the swimming pool. "Why were you all shouting?" he asked.

"It was a silly argument..." Roger explained as they reached Jimi's room. "He was mad at us about something and we worked it out..." he added. "I'm sorry you had to go to the pool house...but I just wanted you safe..." he admitted. They all stood in front of Jimi's room and then Brian came over and leaned down to kiss his son.

"Goodnight Jimi..." he told him and glanced at Roger briefly.

"Goodnight princess..." Roger told his daughter as she yawned. They shared a quick kiss before Brian walked to her bedroom with her. He went inside and found her nightlight still on and sat her down on the bed. She immediately pulled the comforter back over her as she laid down.

"Who was he Daddy?" Tiger Lily asked again as Brian tucked her in and looked down at her with weary eyes.

"Don't worry yourself about that.." Brian responded. "Just go to sleep and we can talk tomorrow...okay?" he suggested. She nodded as she turned on her side. Brian leaned down and pressed a kiss to her head. "I love you Tiger Lily..." he told her and tried to keep his emotions in check. She smiled as she closed her eyes.

"Love you too..."

Roger got Jimi tucked in and sat on the edge of the bed and admired his son. How cute he looked in his sleepy state. How innocent. Roger wanted to lay down and hold him for the rest of the night but knew he couldn't do it. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Jimi's cheek.

"I love you little man..." he said and forced himself to get up and leave.

Brian met Roger in the hallway and they walked to Mia's room. Clare was inside and Roger gestured at them to follow. They all went to Brian and Roger's bedroom. Mia and Clare took a seat on the sofa in the sitting area as Roger reached for his cigarettes. Brian began pacing the floor as Roger took his first drag and sighed heavily as he exhaled.

"Clare told me what happened...I'm sorry your father did this to you..." Mia suddenly stated to Brian and Roger. "I can't understand how someone can claim to love their child and then just abandon them when they do something that disappoints them..." she remarked. "But I know from personal experience that it happens all too often..." Both men acknowledged her words with a slight nod.

"What are you going to do?" Clare asked the men as she watched Brian nervously move about and Roger appear to be in a daze.

"We don't have a choice..." Roger answered as he looked over at Brian. Worried about his state of mind. "He made it clear to me that Brian has to leave by noon tomorrow..." he repeated as Brian stopped walking and stared at him. Still not believing this was happening to them. "He and Jimi have to leave..."

"If Jimi has to go...am I going with them or am I staying here with Tigs?" Mia questioned out loud. Wondering what her future would be in this mess. Brian looked at her with dismay. Clare gripped Mia's hand for support.

"I don't even know where the hell I am going!" Brian answered in distress. He reached up to grip at the ends of his hair. "This is my home! I don't even know where to go..." he said as his voice trailed off. His anguish on display. Roger smashed out his cigarette and walked over to Brian. Pulling him in his arms. Wanting to console him despite not having any answers that would.

"We'll figure this out..." Roger told him. "We'll come up with a plan..." he assured him despite having no idea what it might be. Brian clung to him. Never wanting to let go. They were all silent for a while as they each considered the next step.

"I think we should get the children up and take them to school like any normal day..." Clare suddenly announced. "While they are gone we can pack up some of Jimi's things...and we can figure out where you can live for the time being..." she added and looked at them both. "I will call and cancel your trip to Ibiza..." Clare said and the men both registered that they were supposed to leave on their trip the next day.

"Shit!" Roger said as he acknowledged their pending holiday was not going to happen. He and Brian shared a look of sadness at not being able to go. Roger reached up and caressed Brian's cheek. "We will figure this out Brian...I swear we will..." he said to convince him as well as himself.

"If we take the kids to school and act like nothing is wrong...then how am I supposed to say goodbye to Tiger Lily?" Brian questioned with tears forming in his eyes at the thought. Roger frowned at his statement.

"You aren't saying goodbye to her like you'll never see her again!" he pointed out. "Don't you dare think that Brian!" Roger said as he grew angry at Brian's assumption this was an end to everything.

"What are we supposed to do Rog?" Tell me!" Brian argued back. "He said I had to go or he would tell the whole fucking world about us and turn us in to Child Services!" Brian glared at him as he let his own underlying anger at the situation slip out. "So how am I supposed to believe that this will somehow blow over in a few weeks or your Father will have a change of heart?" he questioned. "We both know it won't blow over and your Father doesn't have a fucking heart!"

"Please stop this!" Mia declared loudly and her face showed her own misery about the situation. "You can both yell and scream and place blame but it doesn't change anything!" she reminded them. "Please...let's just come up with a plan to make this as painless as possible for the kids...they are what matter the most..." she stated. "You can figure out the rest later..."

Brian and Roger looked at Mia with admiration. She rarely intervened in their arguments and never took sides. Now she was the voice of reason in their time of need. Bringing them back to what is most important.

"You're right Mia..." Brian told her. "We need to just figure out how to tell them why Jimi and I are leaving and we need them to understand that no matter what happens we are still a family..."

"And that we will figure out a way for us to be together again..." Roger contributed. He and Brian took a seat on the small love seat together. Their hands quickly laced together.

"I think Jimi is going to have a harder time understanding things..." Clare remarked. "He has to leave a house he's lived in most of his life..."

"And a change of school in the new year too..." Mia pointed out. Everyone appeared overwhelmed at the prospect of finding the right words and the right way to break it to the children that their world was going to be turned upside down in a heartbeat.

"I guess we should be honest but put it in a way that they can understand..." Brian suggested. "I don't think we should lie to them..." he stated. "It never helps matters when they find out the truth down the road..." he surmised.

"So we tell them it was my Father?" Roger questioned. He could see everyone felt it was best. Roger sighed at the notion. "Alright..." he agreed. Feeling embarrassed it was his family member causing the trouble.

"I think Tiger Lily will better understand that he has threatened to tell the public things about our family that would hurt us all..." Mia advised. "She's a very intuitive child..."

"I think Mia's right..." Roger replied. "Tigs knows it goes beyond our privacy at being rock stars..." he said plainly. "She knows that her parents are different..." he stated. Everyone nodded agreement and sat in silence for a moment as they considered what they were going to say in the morning. Brian leaned into Roger's side. Wanting the feel of his presence for as long as he could get it.

------------------------

Tiger Lily sat in her Papa's closet and remained pressed up against the door to her parent's private bedroom. Tears slid down her cheeks as she quietly listened to every word being said in the room beyond the door. She had known something was terribly wrong by the look in her Daddy's eyes. It wasn't his usual sadness but a despair she had never seen there before. She was certain it was related to that man coming in their house and shouting at them. Now she knew!

When her Daddy had tucked her in and left the room, Tiger Lily had slipped from her bed and walked to her door to peer out. She saw the adults all go into her Daddy's room and she knew they were going into the main bedroom. She waited a moment and padded down the hall to Papa's bedroom and crept into his closet. After quietly crouching down by interior closet door, she instantly heard them all talking. She turned her head and pressed her ear to make sure she caught everything. Certain they were going to talk about what happened with that mysterious old man who had invaded their home and shouted threats at them.

Tiger Lily had heard everything. It had been a shock to learn that old man was Papa's father. She had never heard anyone speak of him and realized she had assumed he was dead. She had a dead mother and didn't speak of her much these days. So she understood why someone wouldn't mention a deceased parent. But now she knew he was alive and had shown up at their home and yelled at his children. Tigs remembered his hateful tone as he shouted out her Papa's name from downstairs. She had been frightened by his voice. It was like one of those bad people on the telly or in movies.

And now she knew why her Daddy had that anguish in his eyes. That visible pain. That horrible man had told them he would tell the world their secret if her Daddy and brother didn't leave the house. Their secret! She knew what the secret was. It had never been spelled out for her but she knew. She had two fathers for parents. No one else she knew had two fathers. It was unusual. She was aware of this from observing other families and watching tv and movies. She had never seen anything that showed a girl of boy with two parents that were both men. Or both women. But she didn't mind. She thought it just made them special. She thought it was just part of their uniqueness as a family. Tigs didn't know anyone else who had parents who were rock stars like her Papa and her Daddy. So they were one of a kind.

She had been told from a young age not to tell strangers about her family and to be careful even telling other kids at school. Or the teachers. She knew it was okay to talk about having parents and that it was okay to be honest about her mother. She had to be careful about people finding out that her parents were rich and famous. And she also knew she had to be careful about people knowing that her Papa and Daddy shared their entire lives together. Their career, their home, their bedroom. And that they kissed and held hands and sometimes Papa sat in Daddy's lap on the sofa. It had become instinctive for her early on to know who she could trust with her family information. And she had only told one person everything. Her best friend, Lulu. And her best friend had kept her secrets.

When the talking grew silent in the other room, Tiger Lily reached up and wiped away her tears. It had broke her heart to know that her Daddy and her brother were going to have to leave home. That man had demanded they go. She realized now why they had kept their family a secret. Because some people wouldn't like it. And Papa's father was one of them. She didn't quite understand why people wouldn't like it. At least her parents weren't divorced like all the other parents seemed to be. Even Lulu's parents were divorced and her father lived in Australia.

As Tiger Lily considered this fact about her best friend, she realized that is what it would be like. Most of her friends parents didn't live together and they resided with one parent and saw the other fairly regularly. Lulu talked about missing her Dad but even Tiger Lily missed her parents when they went on tour. How would this be any different? She would live with her Papa and see her Daddy every week or so. She would see Jimi at school until he changed schools next year. As sad as she felt about what she had heard tonight, Tigs realized that her life was becoming more like her friends now. And that wasn't so unusual in her mind. She wished it wasn't this way, but it sounded like they had no choice. They were splitting up. It would be like they got a divorce; like everyone else's parents.

After listening to more conversation, she realized that Mia and Clare were leaving the room to go to bed. Tiger Lily quickly got up from the floor and stepped lightly as she exited her Papa's closet and bedroom. She checked the hall to see if they had come out and rushed to her room nearby. She slid back into her bed and laid silently as she heard a door open and close in the distance. As she heard footsteps approach she closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep. Someone came to her door and stood there for a moment. She heard her door get closed a bit more and opened her eyes to see Mia's figure walking away into the darkness of the hallway.

Tigs laid there and listened to the sounds of the house settling down for the night. When she was certain no one would check on her again, she got up from her bed and walked to the bathroom. She used the toilet and washed up and then crept to Jimi's bedroom. She opened his door and went inside. He was asleep. Tigs crept up to his bed and sat down on the edge and gently tugged at his shoulder.

"Jim Jim..." she whispered as she jostled him. Jimi opened his eyes and looked up at her.

"Sorry...I fell asleep..." he told her as he sat up in bed. "Did you go listen in?" he asked her quietly. She nodded as she gestured at him to move over. Jimi shuffled to the other side of his bed and Tigs slid under his duvet next to him. He pulled the duvet up over them and looked at her. "Well?" he asked.

"That man was Papa's father..." she announced. Jimi's eyes grew wide at the revelation.

"Wow!" he said in surprise. "So what did he want? What happened?" Jimi asked as he grew curious about what she had heard.

"It's not good news..." she replied and Jimi swallowed hard as he sat and listened.

-------------------

There was no way either of them could sleep. Roger laid on his side and faced Brian in bed and just sat and looked at his face. He couldn't believe he wouldn't be sharing a bed with his husband after tonight. And he had no idea when they might share a bed ever again. There would be no more cuddling and spooning. No more curly hair tickling his face. No more long arms and legs wrapped around him. No more lean body comforting him. Protecting him. Making love to him. It was too much to bear. And it was too much to bear seeing the despondency in Brian's eyes. It made him a little panicked.

"Brian..." Roger practically whispered. "I need you to promise me something..." he said intently as he gazed at the troubled eyes.

"Yes..." Brian replied as he too laid there and looked at his husband and felt growing despair with each passing hour of the new day.

"No matter what happens...I need you to promise that you will never harm yourself over this..." Roger stated bluntly. It took Brian by surprise but then he knew that this man knew him better than any other soul in the world. Roger knew the dark reaches of his mind. He had been there for the worst of it. And no matter how horrible things seemed at the moment, Brian knew he needed to make this promise. To Roger, to his children, to himself.

"I promise..." Brian told him sincerely. Roger reached up and gently caressed Brian's cheek.

"Thank you..." Roger told him with a small smile. Relieved it had been said and promised.

The men leaned in for a kiss and then lay together with their foreheads pressed against the other. Wanting to take in the other's presence. Breathe their oxygen and absorb their being. Both of them closed their eyes and were silent as their heads swam with similar unspoken thoughts. Worries. Fears.

'What are the children going to say?'

'How do we go forward without each other?'

'There has to be a way to be together without him knowing...'

'What did we do to deserve this?'

'What am I going to tell my parents?'

'Will our children ever forgive us for doing this to them?'

'It wasn't supposed to end this way...we were supposed to grow old together...'

-To be continued-

Chapter Text

3rd November 1984

Surrey

Brian's POV

I had laid in bed next to Roger but never could actually sleep. It seemed like a waste of the precious time we had remaining before I had to go. My arms were wrapped around him as I tried to memorize the feel of him. After all this time I knew his body instinctively but was afraid I would forget it and wanted to just hang on. Hold on to him. He belonged to me and he was being taken from me. And the consideration of it left a sharp ache in my chest.

Roger had drifted in and out of sleep as I held him. Restless in his own emotions and worry about what was going to happen. We were silent though as we both let the events of the past evening settle in and the reality of tomorrow approaching quickly. I noticed his eyes open as I gazed at his beautiful face. The weariness of it all already showing in his expression.

"What time is it?" Roger asked as I held him against my chest. I peered over to see the clock.

"Almost 5 am..." I advised. He blinked a few times and then pushed at me to release my hold on him. I let go as Roger pulled himself up and tore the covers back to get out of bed. "Where are you going?" I asked him. He stood up and turned and held his hand out to me. I got up and took it and followed him into the bathroom.

"Start the shower..." he requested as he turned to relieve himself at the toilet. I got the water on and stripped. Roger did as well and we both stepped into our large shower together. The warm water ran over us as Roger pulled me in a for a kiss. I eagerly accepted it and we were quickly at each other. Touching and stroking and groping and trying to get as close as we could. Our passion became fierce as I pushed him up against the wall and we both tried to keep our mouths connected as we grasped at each others bodies and cocks. Both of us moaning in a mix of arousal and emotional pain. I let go of him and reached over for a small tube of lube we kept behind a bottle of creme rinse. I got it open and was moving my hand down between his thighs.

"Rog..." I moaned as I found his entrance and he hiked his leg up and gave me a desperate look as I slid a finger inside him. We both looked at each other with intensity as I worked him open. He had a grip on my cock and was stroking me. I soon had two fingers in him as he rolled his head back against the tile wall. The stream of water from the shower head bouncing off my back.

"Please..." Roger said in a heavy whisper. "Want you now...." he mumbled to me as he kept his hooded eyes on me and his mouth invited me back in for another kiss. I lapped at his lips as I took my fingers out and coated myself with lube. Roger looked down as I let the tube fall onto the shower floor and used my knee to get under his hiked leg. He slid his arms around my neck as I lifted him up against the wall and then pressed my cock into him.

We both let out a cry of desire as I pushed inside him. It was probably too rough but he pulled me closer to him and wrapped his legs around my waist. Our mouths came together again as I began to fuck him against the wall. Both of us making sounds as we moved. Being connected to him was so special to me and I realized this might be the last time. My chest hurt and I felt tears forming in my eyes. I didn't try to hide it and I knew Roger could see me crying as I thrust into him and held him up. He pulled my mouth in for another kiss as I tried to stave off the emotional tidal wave that threatened.

Our lips parted and I pulled back and saw the desperation in his eyes. The need we both were feeling. "I love you..." I told him as I gazed into those expressive blue eyes. "Forever..." I said.

"Forever..." he said back as we kissed again. Tears began trailing down both our faces as we kept moving. Trying to fill a void we knew was imminent. I wondered if I could finish as my emotions starting taking over. I wanted Roger satisfied and moved my hand down to stroke him. My body was holding him up and the adrenaline carrying me through as I got him off. I relished knowing he had come and actually stopped moving inside him as he gasped and emptied against both our stomachs. Roger reached up and stroked my face as he gazed at me with tenderness.

"No matter what...you'll always be my bijou..." he reminded me with tears in his eyes. Those words sent me reeling and I cried out as I moved inside him again and released. Roger clung to me as I finished and we just stood there connected and trying to find some measure of consolation in it. Not wanting to let go and knowing too soon we would have to.

--------------------------------

"Wake up..." I told Tiger Lily and gently nudged her as she lay in her bed. I hated waking her earlier than usual; but today was an unusual day. She rolled over and looked up at me. Her face so soft and sleepy. So beautiful. "Hey..." I said as she woke up. It took me by surprise when she suddenly reached up and put her arms around me and clung to me.

"You have to go and I don't want you to..." she declared as she squeezed me tight. I was astounded that she knew I was leaving.

"How do you know I have to go?" I questioned in disbelief. She kept her hold on me as she answered.

"I heard what you all said last night..." she revealed. I pulled her back to look at her face. Wanting to understand what she meant.

"What all did you hear?" How?" I asked her.

"I was listening in Papa's closet..." she confessed and appeared guilty. "I went to listen after you all went into your bedroom last night..." Tigs explained. I would normally have reprimanded her on the spot but almost felt relieved I didn't have to find the words to tell her I had to leave. But I realized she knew all the horrible things about our situation.

"So you know that I have to go and take Jimi with me?" I asked her. She nodded as her mouth quivered a little and I saw her eyes pool up with tears.

"Yes..." she replied as her voice got shaky. "Papa's father came and said he would tell everyone about you two if you didn't leave the house..." she told me. "And you have to take Jimi because he is your child..." Tigs confirmed and looked at me with real sadness as the tears streamed own her cheeks. My heart was torn out seeing the agony in her face. "I don't want you to leave...you live here..." she declared as she threw her arms around me again.

"I don't want to go...but I'm afraid I don't have a choice right now..." My own tears began falling as I pulled her back into my chest and we both sat and cried about our reality. Roger appeared in her doorway and his face registered shock at seeing the state we are in. "She knows..." I told him. "She was listening in last night..." I explained. His face showed recognition and he came and sat down next to us as he reached out and pulled us both in for a hug.

"Tigs baby..." he cooed to her as he stroked her hair and held us both. "I am so sorry this happened and that my father intruded in our lives..." he said as we all tried to hold on to each other.

"Why is your father so mean?" Tiger Lily asked Roger. I felt bad that he was bearing the guilt of his parent being the one instigating this.

"He's been a miserable sod his whole life and can't stand anyone else being happy..." Roger said and I found that probably summed it up best. Tiger Lily looked up at us both with determination in her eyes.

"Can we not find a way to stay together?" she questioned. Roger pulled strands of her messy damp hair from her face and gave her a disheartened expression.

"We can't for now...but we will figure out a way...I promise you..." he told her. "Right now we have to tell Jimi and we need to help him pack some things..." Roger explained.

"Jimi knows..." she replied and Roger and I both shared a look of astonishment.

"Was he listening too?" I asked her. She shook her head.

"No...I told him after..." she confirmed.

"Aren't you both the little detectives..." Roger said with a half smile. Clearly impressed with their behavior. He gazed over at me and I could see he was similarly relieved by it. Not having to explain all this to them was a small solace. "Sorry to get you up so early...but we have things to do and things to say..." Roger announced as he patted her leg.

"What about school?" Tigs inquired as we shuffled off her bed and wiped at our eyes.

"We're keeping you home today..." I answered. "Get dressed and come down for some breakfast and we will talk about what we are going to do..." I requested without really knowing what that was.

------------------------------

After we woke Jimi and had a similar experience with him, he got dressed and Roger carried him downstairs for breakfast. He was being clingy since he knew we had to leave the house. Leave his Papa and Mia and Clare. Roger was more than happy to hold him as we walked to the kitchen.

"It's unfair..." Jimi said as we went down the hallway. "Tigs gets to stay here with you all and I have to go..." he complained. I couldn't argue with his feelings.

"You're right...it isn't fair..." I told him. "But we didn't make the decision...someone else did..." I reminded him. We reached the kitchen and found Mia already up and working. Roger sat Jimi down and he ran over to hug Mia.

"Mimi...are you coming with us? I don't want to leave you..." he told her tearfully. She took hold of him and ran her hand over the top of his head tenderly. Her affection for him on clear display.

"I don't know Jimi...I don't want any of this to happen...but for now we just need to be brave..." she said to him. "I had to leave my family when I was young but I was without either of my parents..." she reminded him. "For now...you are going to be with your Dad and you will see your grandparents...so you aren't alone...and no matter what happens...we are all still a family..." she told him sincerely. I was touched by her words. "And I am confident we will figure out a way to be together again..." she said with complete belief as she looked him in the eye. "Because we belong together..." she said as she pulled him in for a hug.

"Let's get some breakfast and we will talk about our plan..." Roger suggested.

"Okay..." Jimi responded as he collected himself and took his seat at the kitchen table. I helped Mia start the food as Tigs arrived and got seated. Roger made everyone some tea and Clare came in looking tired and teary eyed.

"I've canceled your trip and left a message for the school and Jim Beach..." she announced as she took a cup from Roger.

"Thanks Bear..." Roger said as he leaned wearily against the counter. I found us both looking at each other with sadness in our eyes. This was so hard.

"Where are we going?" Jimi asked us. "When we leave...where are we going to live?" I had thought about it a lot last night. I couldn't go to my parents because there just wasn't room for us both. They had one spare room which was my old bedroom. It would disrupt their lives for us to move there and I didn't want to burden them with all this at their age. I also didn't want to hear from my father how this was something he could foresee happening.

"For now we are going to a hotel and I am calling our broker today to find us somewhere to live..." I answered. "I am going to ask her to find something quickly..." I explained. I was hoping it would be temporary until we figured out another way to satisfy Roger's father.

"So can they just come see us there?" Jimi asked as I walked him a plate of food.

"I'm afraid for now they can't..." I answered honestly. He looked downtrodden hearing this.

"Why not?" Jimi asked. "I thought we just had to move from here?" he pointed out. Roger and I shared a look of continued dismay at our situation. I sighed as I found the words to address this more delicate issue.

"We have to leave here and we are not supposed to see each other..." I clarified. "Papa's father made it clear we are not supposed to have contact..." Jimi and Tiger Lily eye's went wide hearing this.

"But you're in Queen together..." Tiger Lily responded. "Does that mean you have to leave the band?" she asked me.

"No...we're allowed to remain in the group...but we aren't allowed to be together..." Roger answered. "We can record and perform together but that is it..." he stated.

"Why does he not want you to be together....I don't understand..." Jimi questioned as he looked up at us both. I hated Roger's father for forcing all these conversations with my children. They knew Roger and I were unusual; different; but they hadn't had to deal with the harsher realities of this all. Now they did. And I felt Jimi was too young to understand.

"I told you last night Jim Jim..." Tiger Lily replied before I could speak. "It's not considered normal to have two fathers for parents..." she said with such maturity it astounded me. "Some people don't like it...they think it's weird or creepy....but they just don't know that we are like any other family..." she explained. Tigs looked up at us and seemed to almost smile. "We're lucky..." she reminded us.

"It's like you're getting divorced...isn't it?" Jimi asked us. I know that was the only thing he could probably relate it to.

"It will seem like that but I hope you know that if he wasn't doing this...we would not be leaving this house....your Papa and I would still be together..." I answered.

"And we aren't splitting up!" Roger chimed in. "We are just doing what it takes to protect you two and ourselves....for now!" he clarified to them. "If we don't...my father will expose our family to the newspapers and we don't want that..." he advised.

"But why is our family a secret?" Jimi demanded. "Why do we have to hide who we are?"

"Because if everyone found out that your Papa and Daddy are together and raising their children together...the child welfare office might take you away from them!" Mia suddenly warned. Jimi stood up with distress in his eyes.

"I don't understand why people think there is something wrong with you!" he shouted at Roger and I and formed an angry expression. "And I hate your father!" he shouted as he marched from the kitchen. Roger and I both went after him and found him heading for the stairs.

"Jimi..." I said as we followed him up. "Where are you going?" I asked him.

"I'm packing..." he told us sullenly. We reached his room and he went to his closet to get his case.

"Jimi...I want to tell you something and I don't know if you're old enough to understand..." Roger said as he sat on Jimi's bed and gestured for him to join him. I stood and watched and wondered what Roger was going to say.

"What?" Jimi questioned in a short tone as he came over and slumped down next to Roger.

"You know that your Dad and I are together...like we're married...right?" Roger asked him. Jimi nodded and looked up at me for assurance. I nodded back.

"Yeah....you're always together and you take care of us...." he said back.

"That's right...and you know that we sometimes kiss...right?" Roger questioned. Jimi nodded again and looked a little embarrassed by the statement.

"Yeah....I know you love each other...you sleep together..." Jimi confirmed. "Like most parents..." he added.

"Do do you know any other kid with two fathers who are like us?" Roger asked him. "Who are like they are married?" Jimi shrugged and then seemed to think about his question.

"No..." he answered. "I guess not..." Roger glanced up at me and I nodded agreement for him to keep saying what I knew he wanted to say. Roger took Jimi's hand as he continued.

"What Daddy and I have together isn't very common..." Roger explained to him. "Most families have a Mum and a Dad and they raise the children together...and that is what people tend to feel is normal....a traditional family..."

"Okay..." Jimi responded. He seemed to hear what he was saying. "So we aren't a traditional family?" he then asked.

"No...we're not....and our situation is something a lot of people would find unacceptable...and they might even want to say mean things to us because they don't like it or agree with it...it makes them uncomfortable..." Jimi appeared dismayed by this.

"That's dumb!" he replied. "They just don't know that we're happy..." he countered.

"You're right! It is dumb..." Roger agreed as he smiled at our son's clear understanding of people not knowing our truth. "But if people found out...it could get ugly..." he said frankly to him. "And it could ruin our lives..." he told him bluntly.

"So your father said he would tell everyone?" Jimi then asked. Roger nodded sadly.

"He did..." he confirmed. "Because he hates that we are happy...and he finds us unacceptable..." Roger confirmed. Jimi looked at us both with big eyes.

"Would child services really take us away from you?" he asked with trepidation.

"I can't say they wouldn't..." I answered truthfully. "But I don't want to take that chance..." I advised him. This news seemed to let him see the seriousness of the situation.

"Can I take my teddy with me?" he asked. I nodded as Roger turned and grabbed his well loved teddy bear and handed it to him.

"I'm sorry this is happening to us..." Roger told him with his guilt on full display. "I'm sorry my father is doing this..." he repeated solemnly. Jimi hugged his teddy and looked up at Roger.

"It's not your fault..." Jimi responded. "Maybe you could show him how to be a good father..."

Roger reached over and pulled Jimi into a hug as I felt myself get emotional hearing his words.

"I'm afraid it's a bit too late for that..." Roger said back quietly and hugged our son close.

----------------------------

--Roger's POV--

Noon time arrived faster than I could have ever imagined. We packed Brian's car with their suitcases and everyone held each other and made promises we hope we can keep. It was decided that until Brian gets settled, Mia still stay put for the moment.

It was so hard to let go of Jimi. I had told Brian last night that saying goodbye today wasn't a real goodbye. But as I stood and held my son I knew what Brian had meant last night. My gut ached as I released him from my grip and I pressed a dozen kisses to his head.

"We will find a way...I promise..." I told him for the umpteenth time. He nodded understanding as he went to hug Mia and Tigs again. I then stood and watched him cling to Clare. It was incredibly cruel that we finally were living with the truth about her being his Mum. We had told him everything and he had settled into a comfortable place with it. Now he was being taken not just from me but from her. It was all too much to bear but I stood and tried to remain strong for my children.

Brian was holding Tiger Lily in his arms like she was only three years old. She fit so well against his tall frame that it didn't matter she was now ten. And she held onto him like she was still that little baby. I couldn't help but be reminded of our early days with her and how he was the solid foundation while I floundered with accepting parenthood. It was like Tigs knew Brian was the first one to truly love her after her mother. They had a special bond and I feared it would be damaged by this. I hoped it would prove to be an unfounded belief but in this moment everything felt so uncertain.

"You have to go..." I said sadly as I noticed my watch said it was 11:55. Brian nodded as he shared a final kiss with our daughter. I walked over as she leaned in to whisper something to him. He smiled and nodded as he set her down.

"It's time..." I told him as we both embraced again. Brian held me tightly and we shared a tender kiss. We parted and Brian sighed out wearily as he wiped at his eyes and Clare walked Jimi to his car door. Mia came up as well as the car door was opened and he got inside.

"I love you Jimi...and I will talk to you soon...I promise..." I told him as the door was closed. Tiger Lily wrapped herself around my body as Brian looked at us with growing despair in his eyes. I held onto my daughter to hold her up as well as myself.

"Forever..." Brian told me and I nodded back.

"Forever..." he blew a kiss to each of us as he walked around the car and we seemed to hold it together as he got in the driver's seat and started the car.

"Can we follow them up?" Tiger Lily asked me.

"Of course we can..." I replied and we went over to my car and I started it as they piled in. Tiger Lily got in front with me and I shifted gears as Brian pulled out. We drove slowly through the grounds of our estate towards the security gate. It was the only time in my life I had no desire to go any faster. Every inch of the drive was a stab in my chest. I had to keep it together as I followed Brian to the gate.

We reached the end and Brian opened the gate. He and Jimi both turned and waved to us. We waved back as they slowly pulled out towards the main road. I went ahead and drove out to watch them go. I pulled up to the edge of the road as Brian turned towards London. A reservation already made for a hotel suite for him and Jimi. Lodging until they could find somewhere more permanent.

As we watched their car drive off I saw that familiar green car driving up from the opposite end of the road. My stomach churned at the sight of it. He pulled up onto the narrow road in front of the security gate.

"Stay in the car..." I ordered everyone and got out to see him. I felt a mix of disgust and anger as I closed my car door and walked over to him seated in his own compact vehicle a few yards away. "What do you want?" I asked him in a harsh tone as I glared at him. He smiled as he gestured down the road where Brian had disappeared.

"I came to make sure they left..." he reminded me and appeared smug at his success. My rage for him reached the surface.

"Well I hope you're happy! You've ruined my children's lives!" I yelled at him. His hateful eyes bore into me.

"They were already ruined by your evil union with that other man Roger! Count yourself lucky I just didn't call in the authorities and have her taken from you..." he snarled as he pointed at my car and my daughter.

"Don't you even look at her!" I snapped back. He laughed at me and my anger grew. "You will never take her from me! You understand?" he kept laughing at me.

"I don't worry about that too much...I guess that AIDS plague will get you soon enough and you both deserve it - as do all you lousy poofs!" he told me with his hatred on full display. "She won't have you then..." He seemed to relish the idea of us dying and I found him to be a monster.

"Just leave! I will send your fucking check! Get off my property!" I demanded as I fought with the desire to reach into his window and throttle him. His laughter dropped and his face grew serious.

"I am the one who tells you what to do! You remember that from now on!" he barked at me. "You will send my check so I have it by the first of every month and I will have my eyes on you...so don't think you can sneak around behind my back! You hear me?" he warned. I couldn't imagine how he thought he could spy on us both but I had no interest in looking at him any further.

"I hear you..." I told him in defeat.

"Remember...I've got eyes on you!" he told me again as he shifted gears and backed his car up to leave. I stood and watched as he took off and on to the main road. When he was gone I took a deep breath and went back to my own car. Trying to calm down.

"What did he want?" Clare asked as I slid into the car and closed my door. I looked at her in the rearview mirror.

"To make sure they left and to remind me he is watching..." I advised her as I turned the car around. "He told me he would have eyes on me..." I repeated to her as I tried to figure out what he meant by that.

"How does he think he can keep watch on you both?" Clare questioned as I drove back onto the property and closed the gate.

"I don't know..." I answered in bewilderment. "But he seemed confident he could..." I told her as I sighed heavily and felt fatigue from the lack of sleep last night pulling at me. "I will do some thinking about it..." I assured her as I fought off a heavy yawn.

----------------------

I ignored my exhaustion and picked up the phone to make a call when we returned to the house. I was grateful when Trevor answered.

"Hello..."

"Trevor....it's Roger...I need to speak to you as something has happened and I need your advice..."

"What's happened?" I took a deep breath before explaining.

"My father showed up here and is blackmailing me and made Brian and Jimi leave or he would go to the press and tell them about us and threatened to call child services on us..."

"My god! Are you all okay?" Trevor asked in shock.

"We are okay...obviously we are devastated at having to split up..." I answered. I proceeded to explain everything that took place leading up to the conversation I just had with my father. Trevor listened and made sounds of disgust as I spoke.

"I'm sorry this happened..." he told me when I finished. "The few run ins I've had with Michael were quite nasty...but it is nothing compared to this..." he remarked with sympathy. "So you paid him then?" he questioned.

"I wrote him that check last night and I have to get the next payment to him by the first of December..." I confirmed. "Is there anything I can do about this?" I asked Trevor. "Should I just go to the police?" I had hoped with him being a retired officer, he would have an answer for me.

"Roger...I will give it to you straight..." Trevor replied in a serious tone. "You can go to the police and press charges and they would investigate and arrest him...but considering you are a high profile person and you are also a homosexual...I almost guarantee someone will leak it to the papers..." he said bluntly. "You wouldn't be any better off than you are now..." he confirmed. "I'm sorry I don't have better news for you..." It wasn't far off from what I had surmised would be the case.

"I appreciate your honesty..." I responded and rubbed my hand over my face in despair. "I guess I'll just pay him..." I told him. "And for now Brian and Jimi will live elsewhere until we figure out a way to stop this..."

"I will do some checking to see if anyone knows of a way we could handle this without it becoming public...but don't get your hopes up..."

"Anything you can do will be appreciated...and if you incur any expenses...please let me know so I can take care of it..." I said and then clarified my point. "That includes any financial incentive someone might need to offer assistance..." I stated.

"Understood..." Trevor replied. "If you'd like I can tell your mother what happened and spare you the misery..." he offered. I found I liked this man even more with the passage of time.

"I appreciate it Trevor...thanks..." I said gratefully. "I will call her in a few days...I just need some time to get my life sorted with everything that's happened..."

"I understand and I will tell her to wait for your call..." Trevor advised. "Take care of yourself and let me know if anything else happens..."

"I will...thanks again..." I answered and hung up the phone. I fell back against my chair and rubbed at my tired eyes. It felt hopeless at the moment and it only made my fatigue worse. The phone rang and I instantly reached for it.

"Hello..."

"It's Jim...I got Clare's message..." he advised. "What in the devil happened?" he questioned. I wearily gave him a synopsis of the events and advised where Brian was headed with Jimi.

"I can't believe he went this far in his scheme Roger...I'm sorry he did this to you..." Jim said sadly. "From a legal standpoint I'm not sure what we can do...but I will do some checking..." he advised. "I will arrange a meeting for the band as soon as possible so we can discuss this matter and figure out what happens on the trip to Rio..."

"Thanks Jim...I appreciate it and so does Brian..." I answered as I closed my eyes and leaned forward on my elbows at my desk.

"And bear in mind you and Brian can meet at my office for any reason if you need to see each other..." Jim informed me. "Your father would have no way of knowing if this was a business meeting or not..." he added for good measure. I smiled at his unwavering support.

"You're the best Jim...you've always been there for us..." I remarked. "It means a lot that you've always been on our side..."

"And I always will be Roger..." Jim answered. "You sound tired...go get some rest and we can talk again later..." he counseled.

"Alright...thanks..." I said back and hung up the phone. I checked my watch and knew Brian had to be at the hotel by now. I picked up the phone again and dialed the number from the note on my desk.

"The Petersham Hotel..."

"Has Harold Mayville checked in please?" I asked. Using the name Brian registered with.

"Yes...let me put you through..." the line rang and I waited.

"Hello..."

"It's me...you get in okay?" I asked Brian.

"Yes...we're in suite 604...." he confirmed.

"Good...I wanted to tell you I spoke to Trevor and to Jim and neither had any advice that was encouraging at the moment...but they are both looking into things from their end..." I assured him.

"Alright....good..." he said in a drained voice.

"Jim said he would arrange a band meeting right away and I will call Freddie and Deacy later..." I advised. "I need to lay down for a bit..." I confessed.

"Me too..." Brian replied. "Jimi's watching a program right now so I think I'll close my eyes for a bit..." he told me.

"Call me when you get up and we can go from there..." I said as I yawned again.

"I will...is Tigs okay?" he asked.

"She's alright...don't worry..." I said back. "You can talk to her later today..." I suggested.

"Can you ask her to look after Squeaky for me?" Brian said in a quiet voice.

"You know she will Bri....she loves her just like you do..." I reminded him.

"I know...I just hated leaving her..." he answered. "I hated leaving everything..."

We were both quiet for a moment as we absorbed his words.

"Get some sleep babe..." I told him as I felt the sting of tears.

"You too Rog..." I nodded wearily.

"I will...I love you..." I said.

"I love you too..." he replied and I hung up the phone as fresh tears slid down my face.

Chapter Text

6th November 1984

London Area

Brian's POV

"Aren't you hungry?" Jimi asked me as I picked at my breakfast. I shook my head as I laid my fork down. I had lost my appetite since everything happened. I had only taken a few bite of eggs.

"Not really..." I replied and then gestured at his own plate. "We've got a few more minutes and we need to go..." I pointed out. Jimi took another bite of his food before grabbing his glass of juice to wash it down. It was good to see he had finished most of his meal. I gestured at the waiter and he came up to our table.

"We're finished..." I advised and he nodded and handed me the bill to sign. I was charging everything to our room. Jimi and I collected our coats and bags and headed for my car in the hotel parking lot.

"I guess I'll see Tigs today..." he remarked as we got in the car. I smiled at him and ran my hand through his hair.

"Yes...maybe I'll catch sight of her as I drop you off..." I pondered.

"Why can't you just go up and see her?" Jimi questioned. I sighed a little and looked him in the eye. I hated that he had to deal with such grown up things at his tender age. It had become unavoidable.

"I don't know if someone may be watching..." I replied honestly. "I can't chance it..." I stated as I pulled out into traffic. We were both quiet as I drove to the school. It was his first day back since we had to flee our home. Since we had moved to the hotel.

"Are you going to find us somewhere to live?" Jimi asked. I nodded as I turned down the road for his school.

"Yes...I've got an appointment with the broker today...hopefully I can find something..." I answered.

"Are we moving to London?" Jimi asked. He had been asking a lot of questions. I guess with so much uncertainty he was looking for answers. I didn't have all the answers. I was trying to just hang on emotionally.

"I'm hoping to find somewhere near your new school..." I advised him. "Since you're starting at Hampton after the new year...it just makes sense to be close by..." Jimi nodded and then appeared to be thinking again.

"Will you be here when I start the term or are you off on tour again?" he asked me plainly.

"I leave on the 7th to go to Rio and I'll be back on the 20th...so I won't be here when you start..." I advised. "Sorry..." I said and he nodded again. The wheels still turning in his head.

"It's okay...I'm used to it..." he replied and it hurt my heart for him to say that. I guess it was true though. I have toured his entire life. He doesn't know any different. "So Mum...I mean Clare...will take me?' he asked next.

"Shit!" I immediately said and wanted to slam the steering wheel like Roger does. It was one more thing that was now a problem. His new school start. Clare is supposed to stay away from us. Jimi appeared wide eyed at my cursing. I know he is more accustomed to Roger doing it. Right now I want to scream from the rooftops every bad word I know. Michael Taylor had now prevented Jimi from having a parent take him on his first day of school. I tried to calm myself and then looked over at him. "I'm sorry....someone else will have to take you to Hampton..." I said and I watched his face drop a little.

"Well who?" he asked with a touch of anxiousness in his voice. I felt awful that I don't have everything sorted out. My life had become a horrific mess in a matter of seconds it seemed and I was still in a freefall.

"I will figure it out...I promise..." I responded as I arrived at the drop off at the school. I stopped the car and began looking at the students that were arriving. Hoping to catch sight of my daughter. I didn't see her and then turned to see Jimi pulling his school bag over his shoulder.

"See you at 4 then..." he told me. I found a smile for him and leaned over and kissed his forehead.

"I will see you then..." I replied. "When you see Tigs...tell her hello for me..." I requested. Jimi smiled and nodded. "Have a good day!" I said to be positive. He smiled.

"I will...bye..." he said and slipped out the car door. I took another minute to spy the crowd of students and gave up when the bell rang. I knew she would have to head inside the building. I let out a weary sigh as I drove off.

--------------------------------

"I've got a list of the properties for sale in this area...and I've arranged for us to look at several today..." Melanie, Roger and I's trusted broker, advised as we met at the hotel. We walked to her car and headed off to look at some homes. I hoped to find something today. We first went to some located in Petersham and Richmond. They were all in need of repair and not ready for move in. I was instantly frustrated. Our venture to other nearby areas also proved fruitless. The only one I would consider feasible had a long window until the current owner could vacate and let us move in. It wouldn't work. Melanie headed back towards the hotel since I had a lunchtime meeting.

"I will keep looking and see what is move in ready..." Melanie advised as we parked in the hotel lot. "I'll be honest with you..." she said as she looked at me intently. "You might be better off leasing a place until you find something you want to buy..." she told me. I nodded understanding.

"Thanks...I will see you tomorrow..." I replied and got out of her car. I was soon in my car heading for a meeting at Jim Beach's flat in London. I knew seeing Roger would lift my spirits. Also seeing Freddie and Deacy would help as well. They had been made aware of our situation and both had called me at the hotel to offer support. It had left me heartened to know they had our backs. I arrived at Jim's and rushed up the stairs with a renewed vigor as I was admitted to his home by his wife. Claudia greeted me warmly and showed me to Jim's home office.

"Hi Brian..." Jim said warmly as he gave me a hug. "You're the first to arrive..." he remarked. "How are you doing?" he asked with concern in his face. I shrugged a little.

"Okay I guess...considering the circumstances..." I told him. He gave me a look of understanding and patted my arm.

"Yes...well...I'm afraid I don't have any encouraging news on that front but it can wait until Roger is here..." Jim advised. Claudia brought me a cup of tea and then left the room. She returned right after with Roger behind her. I set my cup down and rushed to him. So happy to see him in person. Roger set down his bag and we threw our arms around each other. I savored the feel of him in my embrace. His warmth, his scent, his hair and those comforting eyes.

"I missed this feeling..." I told Roger and he nodded against my shoulder. We just stood and held each other in silence as Jim busied himself at his desk. Waiting for us. After sharing a tender kiss we parted and Roger kept hold of my hand as we got seated on the small sofa.

"Freddie and John should be here any time now..." Jim commented. "Roger...would you like a drink?" he asked.

"No thanks..." he replied and we heard voices in the hall and knew they had arrived. We both stood up as Freddie and Deacy and Paul Prenter came in the room. I wasn't thrilled to see Paul and I noticed Roger frowning at the sight of him.

"My poor dears!" Freddie cooed to us as we both went up and received hugs from him. Deacy also came up and we shared hugs with him as well. "I still can't believe this has happened!" Freddie told us as we parted and Paul gave us a sympathetic expression.

"How are you doing?" Deacy asked. "How are the children holding up?" I appreciated him asking about the kids.

"Jimi has a lot of questions about where we are going to live and what is going to happen with his new school..." I answered. "I'm trying to find a house and saw the broker this morning...but no luck so far..." I advised. "But he seems to be managing alright..." Roger squeezed my hand. We had talked on the phone late last night. That was our saving grace in all this. Michael Taylor couldn't monitor our phone calls. We could still talk.

"Tiger Lily is okay right now..." Roger then told them. "She handles things too well for her age...I don't know where she gets her steadiness from..." he remarked.

"I think what your Father has done to your children most of all is an outrage!" Paul chimed in. "I know the struggle of not having acceptance from family....but I've never heard of someone doing such a low thing as this!" he remarked with clear distaste. It was nice to see him sympathetic.

"Thanks..." I said to him appreciatively.

"We can probably head in for lunch gentleman..." Jim announced. We adjourned to his dining room and Claudia had arranged a lovely meal for us. Roger and I sat next to each other and were constantly touching each other as we ate. I was asked about my house hunting and what I was looking for. I told them and advised I had another appointment tomorrow. Roger told them that Trevor had made some inquiries and was waiting to hear back.

"So your step father is a copper?" Paul asked. Roger nodded as he sipped his drink.

"Retired...but still has plenty of contacts..." Roger replied. "Trevor is a good man...I'm glad my mother met him..." he remarked. "They both love Brian and my mother is devastated about this..." he told me and I felt bad for Winnie. It isn't her fault but I could imagine her feeling some level of guilt over the matter.

"I'll write her a letter..." I told Roger. He smiled and leaned in and kissed me.

"She'd like that..." he replied.

"I seem to recall that Brian is Winnie's favorite..." Freddie said with a cheeky grin. Roger rolled his eyes and I found myself really smiling for the first time in days. Enjoying the teasing.

"Don't remind me..." Roger grumbled.

"I think that was before she became a Grandmother..." Deacy countered and we all grinned at his statement. "Once the kids come along...we all take a backseat..." he said pointedly.

"Isn't that the truth?" I replied and Freddie appeared dismissive.

"I am still the apple of my mother's eye!" Freddie boasted.

"That's because she isn't a grandmother!" Deacy pointed out.

"And unless your sister has a baby...it will stay that way..." Paul commented as he nudged Freddie.

"Since we've got our lunch under our belts...let's get down to the business at hand..." Jim suggested. We all formed more serious expressions in response.

"Any news on the legal front?" Roger asked our manager. Jim sighed lightly as he shook his head

"Only that what I feared is the case..." Jim responded. "What your father is doing is illegal but trying to get him arrested and charged would more than likely result in the information becoming public...." Jim advised. "Even if somehow what he knows wasn't divulged, the charges pressed against him would be public record and lead to speculation as to what he was blackmailing you for..." Jim explained. "Either way...the press would get wind of it and it would come out..." Everyone appeared subdued and took a drink. I had lost my appetite again at the reminder we are stuck in this situation.

"So we're stuck living apart...." Roger stated as I reached over and took his hand. Jim nodded.

"I'm afraid so..." he confirmed. "I'm not giving up and have asked for a private detective to look into the matter...but that may be along the lines of what your father in law is already doing Roger..." Jim advised. "So we will have to wait and see....meanwhile it is probably best for Brian to find a home and settle Jimi in...." he suggested.

"Alright..." I agreed. Roger and I shared a forlorn look between us.

"Do you need any help with getting your things?" Deacy asked us. I found it sweet of him to offer help.

"Clare is going to help me pack up Brian's things..." Roger advised. "If we need some help I will let you know..." Deacy nodded and smiled at us.

"I'm going back to Munich to work on my record until the holidays...if you want to use my flat...you are welcome to it..." Freddie offered. I did appreciate it but he lived too far from the school and I knew a lot of fans hung out there because they knew his address.

"I appreciate it...but I really need to be closer to his school..." I replied. Freddie smiled at me as he, Paul, Deacy and Roger all lit after meal cigarettes.

"Hopefully you find something tomorrow..." Roger remarked. I nodded and took a drink and leaned back in my chair. So glad to be in Roger's presence. Even with the cigarettes.

"At least you two can be together during the tours..." Paul commented. Roger and I shared of look of frustration as Roger tapped his cigarette on an ashtray.

"No we can't..." Roger replied. "My father said he would be watching and would have 'eyes on us'..." he stated. "It was implied he had spies that were keeping watch....even said he would know if we so much as sat too close together..." Roger informed him. Paul's eyes grew wide along with Freddie and Deacy's.

"How is he going to know what goes on when we tour?" Deacy questioned. "We're a fairly private group....we have the same road crew that we've had for years....and we can restrict anyone else from being around..." he suggested.

"He's got a point..." Freddie responded. "We know our crew and they wouldn't betray you like that..." Roger looked at me and I knew what he was thinking. The same thing I was. We were remembering that incident with John Harris all those years back.

"What about John Harris?" Roger reminded them. "He was a loyal employee who was ready to blackmail us over being let go..." he pointed out. Both Freddie and Deacy looked subdued at the reminder.

"Right..." Deacy mumbled as we all were silent for a moment. Pondering if anyone of our current crew would spy on us for Roger's father.

"Leave it to me..." Paul announced. "I'll keep my eye on them all and see if I can figure out if anyone is on the take..." he proposed. It seemed if anyone on our staff could find a mole, it would be Paul. He was a bit of a sneaky sort himself.

"Alright..." Roger told him. "I tell you what....you figure out who it is and there will be a bonus in it for you..." he declared. Paul grinned at him as he took a drag from his cigarette.

"I'll double whatever Roger is offering!" Freddie chimed in.

"Me too!" Deacy added to be included in the game. Jim laughed at how we had turned something horrible into a little bit of fun.

"I will make sure there are no new people on the crew...just lads we've used before...ones we know are trustworthy..." Paul assured us. "You just worry about those kids..." he said. I smiled and nodded.

"Thanks Paul..." I said and Roger leaned closer and wrapped his arm around me. We turned to talking Queen business and some final details for the upcoming tour dates in the new year. I was heartened to hear we had a photo shoot and would see Roger again in a few weeks. Paul and Freddie and Deacy left and Roger and I lingered for a bit, not wanting to part.

"I need to check on some things...take your time..." Jim told us with a warm smile as he closed his office door and left us alone. Roger pulled me down to sit next to him on the sofa and when I was seated he climbed into my lap and wrapped his arms around me. We just sat quietly and held each other. Lost in the feeling of being together again. It had just been a few days but it felt like forever. And I had no idea how often we would see each other in person.

"Are you doing okay?" Roger asked me as he leaned his head against mine and began to play with my hair.

"I'm alright...I just miss you...I miss Tiger Lily and Clare and Mia..." I said honestly.

"You can talk to them on the phone later..." he reminded me. I nodded.

"I know...it's not the same though..." I answered. He nodded.

"It isn't...but it's all we have for now..." he remarked. "Are you eating Brian?" he asked me. "You barely touched your lunch..." he pointed out.

"I've not had much of an appetite..." I told him. Roger shifted back a bit to look at me.

"Are you sleeping?" he asked next. I didn't want to lie to him. He knew me too well.

"Not really..." I answered. Roger sighed a little and looked at me intently.

"You've got to take care of yourself babe..." he told me as he looked me in the eyes and patted my chest. "You are all that Jimi has right now and you need to be eating and getting some rest..." I nodded agreement.

"You're right...I will..." I said. Roger's face looked like he remembered something and he pulled himself from my lap and grabbed a tote bag from the nearby table.

"I was just going to suggest you give Mack a call if you need to talk to him...and I remembered there is a letter from him in your mail that I brought for you..." Roger advised as he handed me a large rubber banded stack of mail. I took it from him and smiled.

"I will look at it later..." I replied. Roger sat down next to me and leaned into my side; taking my hand.

"I'm sorry no one had any quick answers about our situation..." Roger stated. "I will keep on Trevor and Jim to find a way to end this..." Roger promised. "You just look after Jimi and I will take care of the rest..."

"Thanks Rog..." I told him gratefully. "Maybe I will try and get a nap before I have to pick up Jimi from school..." I suggested. Roger smiled at me.

"That's a good idea..." he responded and his face turned serious. "Look...I just want to say it is likely we aren't spending Christmas together...so I want you to go ahead and make some plans with your parents...so you have something set up and you can look forward to it..." Roger suggested. "It will be better for Jimi too..." he was right. It was the prudent thing to do. I still need to tell my parents about what happened.

"You're right...I will do that..." I nodded and sighed a little. "I still need to tell them what happened...but I wanted to get settled somewhere first..." I explained. Roger stroked my cheek.

"I know you're worried your father is going to have something to say..." Roger advised me. "It doesn't matter what he thinks...you are 37 years old Brian...and you're a fucking rock star!" he reminded me. "Don't let him get under your skin..." That was easier said than done.

"I'll try..." I told him and leaned in for a kiss. "I'll try..."

-------------------------

It was hard to leave Roger but we both had things that needed tending to. I left Jim's flat and went back to the hotel. I hoped to get a nap in and slid my clogs off and went and closed the drapes in the room and laid on the bed. I laid there for half an hour and finally accepted sleep would elude me. I checked my watch and decided to go through my mail to kill time before picking up Jimi.

I was happy to find my astronomy magazine and a letter from an antiques dealer who sells stereo cards. This lifted my spirits. I located the letter Roger mentioned and opened the envelope from Mack, my therapist. It was a one page letter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Brian -

I am writing to let you know I have temporarily suspended my practice due to a family matter. I will not be available for the foreseeable future.

My brother, Callum, has been diagnosed with AIDS and is in need of care at this time. I'm afraid he will succumb to the disease and I am his primary caregiver since he has no one else. So I must stay with him until the end.

It is my intention to return to my practice when possible as there is a growing need in the community. AIDS is becoming a major problem and I fear it will spread beyond the boundaries of the homosexual population. I know you are not a religious man Brian, but please say a prayer for those who are already facing their mortality due to this horrific virus.

I will contact you when I return to my practice. If you are so inclined, as you have been in the past, please donate to the Terrence Higgins Trust. They are doing good work for those in need.

Take care my friend

Roderick McKenzie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I almost dropped the letter as I was thunderstruck by the news inside it. I could not imagine what Mack must be going through with his brother. I did remember him telling us about his brother. He was homosexual and it was one of the reasons he was supportive of Roger and myself when we first met him. It also inspired him to leave the clergy and start work as a therapist in the homosexual community. Something that wasn't easily accessible to people like his brother or myself. He had always been discreet about me being a client and I had readily donated to causes he informed me about. Ones I had told Roger about as well. We had plenty of money and were happy to help those in similar circumstances. Our contributions were given anonymously.

I felt myself getting emotional as I tried to imagine getting the news that you had the virus. The reality of knowing that the survival rate was minimal and that a long term bout of illness lay ahead. It shook me up and I considered calling Roger to talk about it. But I knew he probably wasn't home yet and I needed to leave soon to get Jimi. I pulled myself together and went through the rest of my mail. I found a notice from the youth shelter I had supported and saw it was an invitation to their Christmas fundraiser. I saw Chrissie's name as a contact person and smiled. She was doing good things and I admired her dedication to helping at risk youth. I usually donated something or found someone in the music business to donate every year. I picked up the phone to call her and see if they needed something for their auction. It was a nice distraction at the moment.

'Hello..."

"Hi Chrissie...it's Brian May..."

"Oh hi Brian! How are you?"

"I'm okay...I am calling about the fundraiser for the shelter..."

"Did you get the invitation?" she asked.

"I did...I was checking to see if you needed any items for the auction..."

"You are so kind to offer...we would be thrilled to have anything you could arrange..." she advised me.

"I will see what I can put together for you..." I told her and looked at the invitation. "How are you doing?" I asked her; needing a distraction from my own woes.

"I'm doing well...I stay busy with my volunteer work and I am thinking of finding a part time job...something to keep me occupied..." she answered.

"Good...I hope you find something that interests you..." I replied. "You have a lot to offer the right employer..." I said to be supportive.

"Thanks Brian..." she said back. "Now tell me how those children of yours are doing..." she suddenly asked. I swallowed hard at her request. I didn't want to lie but I didn't want to burden her with my mess.

"They are both good..." I told her. "Jimi is going to start at Hampton School after the new year...his current school doesn't feel they can offer the course of study he needs to stay challenged..." I explained.

"That's a prestigious school...good for him..." she commented. I felt proud when she said that.

"I graduated from Hampton myself...so it is a proud moment for me..."

"I can imagine..." she replied. "And how is Tiger Lily?" she asked.

"She's good...she finally saw one of our concerts a few months back..."

"I'm sure she loved every minute of it..." Chrissie replied. I smiled at the memory of Tigs being backstage before and after the show and the little tribute we did for her during the last number. Her unwavering affection and happiness at seeing us perform. Everything had been perfect then in our lives.

"She did..." I said quietly. "She's such a remarkable child..." I suddenly said out loud. "I miss her..." I said without thinking and felt myself getting a bit emotional.

"You are home for the holidays...right? I am sure you will have plenty of time with her..." Chrissie assured me. It cut through me to think I wouldn't get to spend Christmas with her. The first since she came into our lives. The anger I felt towards Roger's father always just made me emotional. I wiped at my eyes and tried to keep it together.

"I hope so..." I said quietly and knew I needed to get off the phone.

"Brian...is something the matter? You sound different..." Chrissie questioned. In that moment I felt myself lose my grip.

"I really need to go Chrissie...I will be in touch..." I said in a voice that showed I was losing control.

"Brian...I can tell something is wrong...please...I am happy to listen if you need to talk..." she said in a sincere voice. It was tempting. I didn't have anyone else I could really talk to. Sure, I could call Roger or Clare and talk to them, but they were involved. Freddie was probably on his way back to Munich and Deacy had three children and a wife to care for. And my therapist had bigger problems than my own right now.

"Something happened with Roger and I..." I confessed. "We had to split up..." I managed to get out before I completely lost it and began sobbing.

"Oh my goodness!" Chrissie told me as I had tears streaming down my face and sat clenching the phone against my head. "Brian...I am so sorry..." she said in a tender manner. "If you need to talk about it...I am here for you..." she said again. "What happened?" she asked me.

I sat in the chair in my hotel room and told her the whole sordid story as I wept. For some reason unloading it to someone who wasn't involved felt good. I was just able to say what had gone on and how I felt about it all. How angry I was at Roger's father but that my anger just seemed to manifest in tears. How lost I felt with all the decisions I needed to make. How I dreaded telling my parents about this. How hard it was to help Jimi cope when I could barely cope myself. I seemed to come undone and let every little thing I was feeling spill out. I ended with the revelation that my therapist was not going to be available and that trying to find one right now was an impossibility. Not with the issues I was facing and with finding a counselor who was open minded and would respect my public profile. Chrissie listened with great patience and offered encouraging words throughout. It felt good to say it all but it left me exhausted.

"So that is my tale of woe..." I finally stated. "And I start my house hunting all over again tomorrow..." I said as I realized I was yawning.

"Brian...that is a lot to deal with at once..." she remarked. "I hope you are taking care of yourself..." she questioned. Those words felt familiar. The same ones Roger had earlier today.

"That's what Roger asked me earlier..." I replied. "He was worried about me eating and sleeping..."

"He knows from experience that you struggle when you are dealing with overwhelming emotions Brian..." she said. "Are you eating and getting enough sleep?" Chrissie asked.

"Not as much as I should..." I confessed. I couldn't lie to her. She cared too much.

"Being in a hotel doesn't help..." she remarked. "I think you and Jimi should come over and I will give you a nice home cooked meal and you can rest easier tonight on a full stomach..." she suggested.

"Chrissie...you are too kind but I don't want to impose on you..." I replied.

"Nonsense...I'd love to cook for someone and you're in need...and I am sure Jimi would appreciate something besides the hotel menu..." I knew he was tired of the hotel food and probably being in the hotel overall. Maybe going somewhere for the evening is what we both could use right now.

"Alright...I give in..." I told her. "What's your address and what time should we be over?"

"I live in Barnes....54 Suffolk Road...how about 5:30?" she advised. I jotted it down and smiled.

"That sounds lovely...thank you..." I replied. "We will see you then..." I said and hung up the phone. I actually felt a little excited about something to look forward to besides a repeat night in this hotel room.

------------------------

"Do you remember her?" I asked Jimi as we drove from his school towards Barnes. "She was the lady you met after we saw the doctor...she was there when you were born..." I reminded him. He seemed to think about it and then nodded.

"She went to McDonalds with us..." he replied and I smiled at him.

"That's right...she did..." I told him. Jimi relaxed once he remembered and we soon pulled up to her house. It was on a quiet street and in a nice neighborhood.

"Is this where she lives?" Jimi asked me. I nodded as I parked the car.

"Yes...it's nice..." I answered. There was a car in the drive but there was room for mine. We got out and walked to the door. I pressed the buzzer and Chrissie was soon answering. She wore a nice blue dress and had an apron on over it. Her hair was long and curled at the ends. I forgot how sweet she looks.

"Hi you two!" she said in a friendly tone and she looked right at Jimi. "I hope you're hungry..." she told him. Jimi nodded and she gestured for us to come inside. We walked into a nicely decorated hallway and she guided us. Showing us her comfortable sitting room and then into a small dining room adjacent to her kitchen. The table was already set for three and I could smell something good.

"Whatever you're cooking...it smells marvelous!" I remarked. My stomach actually rumbled and I felt like I could actually eat. Chrissie smiled as she gestured for us to take a seat.

"It's a surprise!" she told us. "Have a seat and I will bring it in..." she advised us. "Jimi would you like some milk?" she asked. He nodded and she smiled as she left the room.

"Be sure and thank her for the nice meal..." I reminded him. He nodded and picked up his fork.

"I'm hungry..." he said and I grinned at him.

"I am too..." I concurred and Jimi looked heartened to hear it. Chrissie came in carrying a covered baking dish and set it on a trivet on the table. She lifted the lid to show us a spinach and mushroom quiche. It was golden brown and looked amazing.

"What's that?" Jimi asked her.

"It's a quiche...it's made with eggs and cheese and spinach and mushrooms..." Chrissie explained as she grabbed a wedged server and scooped a slice onto a plate.

"It looks delicious Chrissie...thanks..." I told her and eyed Jimi with a facial reminder about saying thanks. He seemed to understand and smiled at her as she plated his serving.

"Thank you..." he told her politely.

"I've got some salad and there is a pudding..." she advised. "Go ahead...I'm just getting some bread...." she disappeared from the room and I gestured at Jimi to eat. I took a bite and found it was heavenly. I had a feeling I would eat my whole slice with ease. Nothing at the hotel tasted this good. I observed Jimi take a tentative taste and he looked pleased as he took another eager bite. Chrissie returned with a basket of bread and a salad and took a seat at the table and smiled.

"This is really good!" I told her sincerely as Jimi began to scarf down his slice. Chrissie served him some salad and I grabbed a piece of bread. She seemed pleased to see us eating as she grabbed her fork.

"Thanks..." she said and took a bite of her own.

-----------------------

"I've got it..." Jimi assured me as he opened his school book at the dining table to do his homework. We had gone to Chrissie's right after I picked him up due to traffic so he still had homework. I nodded as I stood up.

"Alright...I'll help clean up then..." I told him as I walked into the kitchen and found Chrissie starting the dishes. I went over and grabbed a kitchen towel. Ready to help.

"I can wash or dry...or whatever you need..." I said. She smiled at me and shook her head.

"I'm fine...there isn't much to do..." she responded. "How about you take a cup of tea and go enjoy some quiet in the living room...you look tired..." she informed me. I decided not to argue with her as she had been kind enough to feed us.

"Okay..." I said and poured myself a cup of tea and carried it to the living room. I sat down on her large sofa and found it quite comfy. The room was wallpapered in mauve and white stripes and felt warm and inviting. She had soft green furniture and a lovely patterned carpet. I got settled and felt weary as I sipped my tea. I decided to turn on her television to see if I could catch the late news. I was lost on current events. I found a news broadcast and began watching. I set down my tea cup and leaned back into the oversized cushions of the sofa. I was warm and full from my big meal. My eyes felt heavy and I blinked a few times as I shifted back deeper into the sofa. The program became a blur as I found myself slipping away and closed my eyes.

---Roger's POV---

I had left two messages at the hotel and was surprised I hadn't heard from Brian and Jimi. I liked to speak with Jimi about his day before he went to bed. I checked my watch and knew it was time for him to got to sleep since he had school tomorrow. Maybe they went out somewhere for dinner besides the hotel? I was sure they had tired of the restaurant. I got busy checking my calendar for the next two weeks when my telephone rang. I smiled as I answered. Certain it was Brian.

"Hello..."

"Hi Papa..." I smiled widely hearing Jimi's voice.

"Hey little man...how was your day?" I asked him as I settled in to chat with him.

"It was good...I had a quiz today and got them all correct..." he advised. Of course he did!

"Congratulations son..." I told him proudly.

"Then we came to this lady's house for dinner and she made us a quiche..." Jimi announced. I was surprised to hear this and wondered if it was some employee of Queen who had taken pity on Brian or maybe Jim Beach's wife had invited them over. But Jimi knew Jim and Claudia. He would have mentioned them by name.

"Who is the lady who made you dinner?" I asked him.

"Oh yeah...it's Chrissie..." he suddenly remembered. I only knew one Chrissie and felt a mix of emotions hearing this. But I figured Brian must have had some contact with her and she invited him over since he is alone with Jimi.

"I know Chrissie..." I told Jimi. "She's a nice lady..." I assured him. "I bet your dinner was better than that restaurant..." I said.

"Yes...she also made a chocolate mousse..." he told me.

"That's nice..." I said and wondered if Brian was sitting next to him listening. "I bet you need to get to bed...it's getting late..." I remarked.

"I know..." he said back. "I called because Daddy fell asleep on her sofa and I don't want to wake him..." Jimi stated. "I need to go to bed but he's sound asleep..." I could hear Jimi's dilemma in his voice. He knew Brian had not slept well lately and was glad to see him getting some rest.

"Is Chrissie there?" I asked him.

"Yes...do you want to speak to her?" he asked back.

"Yes please..." I said and he handed the phone to her.

"Hi Roger...it's Chrissie Mullen..." she announced. "Sorry for the call but Jimi doesn't want to wake Brian and I know he needs to get to bed for school..." she explained. "I will admit he looked quite tired tonight and I am glad he is getting some rest..." I felt conflicted about what to say. I wasn't thrilled to find them at her place, but she had been respectful of our relationship and is a nice person. But I knew what was best for Brian right now. I had to do the right thing for him.

"Chrissie...is it possible that they could both stay the night and Brian can get up early and take Jimi to the hotel to change before school?" I suggested. "I hate to impose but Brian hasn't slept much for days..." I explained. "I guess he told you what happened..." I said and heard her make a sound of acknowledgement.

"He did yes...and I am happy to get Jimi off to bed here and we can make sure we have him to school on time tomorrow..." she replied. "It's no imposition at all..." she promised.

"I appreciate it Chrissie...and Brian does too...thanks..." I said gratefully. "Take my number from Jimi and if there is any problem...give me a call...okay?" I requested.

"I will...but don't worry...I'll take good care of them both..." she assured me. "Good night..." she said and I felt a sense of unease at her statement.

"Good night..." I replied. She put Jimi on the phone and I said a quick goodbye after telling him they were staying the night. I hung up and leaned forward and rubbed at my face as I couldn't help but think she would do as she promised. Chrissie would take good care of them. Possibly too good.

Chapter Text

A/N - I have somehow named too many people Melanie (the real estate broker and Lulu's mother). To keep things simple the real estate broker is now named Erica and Lulu's mother will keep the name Melanie. Sorry for any confusion.

7th November 1984

London Area

Brian's POV

I woke to the sound of my son's voice. He was pushing at my shoulder and peering down at me.

"Daddy...wake up!" he insisted. I slowly opened my eyes to find him standing at the edge of a bed . "Come on! I need to get to school!" he reminded me. I quickly pulled away the covers on top of me and realized I wasn't at home. And I wasn't at the hotel. Where was I?

"Where...?" I began to ask and then remembered we had been at Chrissie's last night. I noticed the bedroom I was in and it was clearly a guest room. I slid off the bed and stood up and stretched and realized I needed to pee. "Let me use the toilet and we will go..." I told Jimi as I walked out of the room and began searching for the bathroom.

"It's over here..." Jimi told me as I got my bearings. I went inside and relieved myself and then caught a look at the mess I was in the mirror. Christ! My hair was a disaster! It couldn't be helped as I didn't want him to be late for school. I cleaned up quickly and rushed out of the bathroom trying to run my wet fingers through my massive mop of hair.

"Have you got your books and homework?" I questioned as we went down the stairs. I could smell coffee brewing and cinnamon. The scent made my stomach rumble. "Did you get breakfast?" I asked him and he nodded.

"Yes...Chrissie fed me...and I've got my stuff..." Jimi assured me. Chrissie stepped out of the kitchen. She was already dressed and prepared for the day.

"Good morning!" she told me with a warm smile. I smiled back. Feeling a bit embarrassed about the state of me and needing to rush off.

"Good morning! I am so sorry about falling asleep last night...I've got to get Jimi to school...can I call you when I get back to the hotel?" I asked her quickly as she kindly handed me my coat. Jimi already had his on.

"It's fine!" she told me. "I've got a cup of coffee to go if you want it?" she proposed. I smiled gratefully at her.

"That would be lovely...thanks..." I replied. Chrissie went back into the kitchen and returned with a large mug that had a lid on it. She handed it to me as I found my keys to the car.

"You've got time...so don't rush..." Chrissie said and I nodded as Jimi opened her front door.

"Thanks...I'll call you!" I replied and headed out to the car. We got in and I set the covered mug down and sighed. "Sorry about this..." I mumbled to Jimi as I started the car and we headed for his school.

"It's okay...you were tired..." Jimi pointed out. "Chrissie helped you up to the bedroom after we talked to Papa last night...he said you should get some rest..." Jimi informed me. I didn't remember any of that.

"Thanks..." I said. "So you talked to Papa last night?" I questioned. Jimi nodded.

"I called him when it was time for me to get to bed and you were asleep...he talked to Chrissie and they decided we should just stay the night..." Jimi explained. I felt bad that my son was wearing the same clothes as yesterday. He looked perfectly presentable. His hair was combed and his shirt wasn't rumpled.

"Sorry we don't have time for you to stop and change..." I told him.

"Chrissie washed my clothes last night..." Jimi answered with a contented smile.

"Oh!" I responded. I would have to thank her for her hospitality and going above and beyond. Jimi was fine so I decided I was fine. I focused on getting him to school. I pulled up to the entrance and he grabbed his bag.

"Tell Tiger Lily I said hello..." I asked Jimi as he opened the car door.

"I will..." he replied and took off towards the school entrance. I pulled out and looked forward to cleaning up at the hotel. I also needed to find a way to thank Chrissie for all her efforts.

---------------------------

---Tiger Lily's POV ---

I didn't see Jimi this morning but as soon as it was lunch time I began looking for him. I soon spotted him walking from the food line with his tray. I was already seated with my own meal.

"Jim Jim!" I called out. He saw me and came over to sit down by me. We were lucky we both had the same lunch period and could see each other every day at this time. He got settled and opened his milk carton. "So how is he?" I asked my brother. He shrugged a little as he took a drink of milk and set the carton down.

"I don't know...the same really...he did get a good night's sleep though..." Jimi reported. I was glad to hear this .

"Papa told me you stayed at that lady's house last night...because Daddy fell asleep there..." I informed him. Jimi nodded.

"Yeah...we went to Chrissie's for dinner and while I did my homework he fell asleep on her sofa..." he advised; somewhat embarrassed. I smiled at him.

"Is she nice?" I asked my brother. Curious what she is like. Jimi nodded as he chewed a bite of his food.

"She is...dinner was good and she washed my clothes and got me up in time for breakfast before we woke him up..." he elaborated.

"She sounds a bit like Mia...." I remarked. Jimi laughed a little as he ate.

"I suppose so..." he replied and kept eating. I wanted to know more about how my father is holding up.

"Does he seem any better or is he still moping around?" I questioned. Jimi finished his bite and looked at me.

"He's still moping..." he confirmed. "It's because he misses you and misses Pops..." Jimi responded. I saw him look around to see if anyone could hear us. He leaned in towards me. "I heard him crying the other night..." Jimi divulged. I felt my stomach churn hearing this. It made me sad to think he is crying about being separated from us. I didn't know what to say. We were both quiet for a moment as we thought about his state of mind.

"We've got to figure out a way to get you back home..." I remarked finally. Jimi set his fork down and crossed his arms.

"Based on what I've heard that's not going to happen..." Jimi stated with a sense of certainty. I wondered if he had been listening to all Daddy's phone calls and conversations. I had asked him to but I know sometimes the calls are made when he is sleeping or he is at school.

"Have you heard something new?" I questioned. Wondering what he might have learned since we spoke last. Jimi shook his head.

"No...it's just everything that gets said seems to be about us moving to a new place and me starting at Hampton..." Jimi advised. "And he still hasn't told Nana and Big..." he added. I let out a discouraging sigh. Frustrated that they didn't know yet.

"You need to tell him to let them know what happened!" I counseled. Jimi gave me a cross look as he picked up his fork again.

"You're so bossy sometimes!" he complained. "You tell him to do it!" he said back. We were both silent for a while as we ate our lunch. I felt bad for being so pushy but I wanted our family back together.

"Papa said we aren't going to be together at Christmas..." I reminded Jimi. He looked up at me and I could see he hadn't thought about the holidays. He bit his lip and poked at his food with his fork. He had grown sullen at the consideration.

"They go on tour a few weeks later..." he finally said to me. "I don't even know who I'm going to live with when they go..." he said and I felt like I wanted to cry. I then realized Mia would just stay with him.

"Mia will come live you with..." I suggested. Jimi gave me a confused expression.

"Then who is taking care of you?" he asked me back. I was going to say Clare but remembered she has to go on tour with them. She works for them. For Queen. Jimi shoved his tray to the side and looked a bit depressed.

"We'll figure this out..." I said to be optimistic. "And we will find a way to be together..." I said with confidence. Trying to convince myself as much as him. He nodded and began to stand up from the table.

"I need to go...I've got to meet Derek on the field..." he remarked as he grabbed his tray.

"Alright...see you tomorrow..." I said with a smile. He smiled thinly at me and walked away. I got up and handed in my lunch tray. My mind was flying with crazy ideas about how I could get my family together when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Penny for your thoughts..." Lulu said. I turned and sighed at her.

"If I give you a pound...will you take my troubles for me?" I challenged. Lulu formed a worried expression.

"Still having problems on the home front?" she questioned. I nodded as we began walking down the hall together.

"I've got to figure out a way to get my family together without my creepy Granddad finding out!" I exclaimed as I walked with my friend. "There has to be something I can do..." I muttered.

"Why don't we see if my Mom has any ideas?" Lulu suggested. "She's pretty clever and she tells me all those crazy stories those tv writers cook up for their shows...I bet she could come up with something..." she said with optimism. I had never really talked to Lulu's mother about my parents. She knew I had two fathers and she referred to them both when speaking to me. Melanie had never said she had any problem with it. I figured asking her for help wouldn't hurt anything.

"Okay..." I agreed. Lulu smiled at me and pulled me by my hand.

"Let's go call Mia and tell her you are coming home with me..."

-------------------------------

---Brian's POV---

I didn't have time to call Chrissie before meeting with Erica to see some more houses. We headed out in her car and she grinned at me.

"I found some places I think you'll be happy with..." she announced. "Doesn't John live in Putney?" she asked me. I nodded. Deacy does reside there now.

"Yes...he and Veronica found a place there..." I confirmed. "He's working on filling it with kids..." I said to try and have a laugh. Erica chuckled and it made me feel good. Something I haven't felt a lot of in the past week. It was a nice feeling.

"Let's see if we can at least find you a place to nest with your own..." Erica said encouragingly.

We arrived at the house, which was surprisingly not far from Deacy. It was a nice enough place but it didn't feel like somewhere I wanted to live. I was starting to feel like I wouldn't find anyplace that felt at all like a home. I truly wanted to be back at Milhanger. Where I really belonged. But that wasn't a possibility right now. We moved on to see the next property.

The next place felt no different from the first. They were nice enough places but they didn't grab me. I worried I was wasting her time. I tried to remember that I just needed a place to live. It didn't have to be perfect or even permanent. I just needed somewhere for Jimi and I to reside while this mess in our lives was sorted out.

"I'm sorry I haven't liked one..." I told Erica; feeling a bit guilty. She smiled at me.

"It's okay...I'm used to this..." she reminded me. "Let me get you back to the hotel and I will find some more for us to look at tomorrow..." she advised. I nodded and still felt bad. She dropped me at the hotel entrance and I went inside. As I crossed the lobby I became aware of a small group of young people. They were all looking at me with excitement as I approached. I spotted that one of them was wearing a Queen t-shirt. Shit! I've been found out!

"Hi Brian! Can I have your autograph?" one of the girls said eagerly. I smiled at her as she held out a copy of The Works. I signed it as the others offered up their own merchandise for me to autograph. They were polite so I was as well. I posed for a few pictures and answered some questions. They wanted to know if it was true we had a Christmas record coming out. I confirmed it was and that it would be released in a few weeks. I was relieved they didn't ask why I was staying a in hotel when I actually lived in the area. They finally left and I headed up to my room. I kicked off my shoes and fell onto the bed. As I laid there I realized I was hungry. I only had that coffee Chrissie gave me this morning. I then remembered I needed to call and thank her for last night. I would order some room service after I gave her a call.

"Hello..."

"Hi Chrissie...it's Brian..."

"Hi! Did you get Jimi off to school?"

"I did..." I answered. "I wanted to call and thank you for dinner last night and for everything you did after..." I explained. "I'm sorry I fell asleep...I've not slept well here at the hotel and with that full stomach and your comfy sofa...I was out!" Chrissie chuckled lightly.

"It's fine Brian..." she assured me.

"You were such a help with Jimi...you even cleaned his clothes..." I pointed out. "And he said you made him breakfast...I want to do something to repay your kindness..." I offered. "Can I take you to dinner?" I suggested.

"You don't have to...I really was happy to help..." she said. "Jimi is a lovely boy and he was no trouble at all...it was nice to take care of him...even for one night..." Chrissie said sincerely.

"At least let us take you somewhere to return the favor..." I insisted.

"Are you free for lunch?" Chrissie asked me.

"I am..." I replied.

"You can repay me by having lunch with me today if you'd like..." she suggested. "Is there a place in London you like?" she inquired. I smiled as I recalled one of my favorite spots. One I had not been to in ages.

"There is actually...do you like Italian?"

----------------------------------------

I picked Chrissie up in my car and we headed for my favorite Italian place. Lina's Italian Cafe was still in business and I had flash backs of Roger and I eating there as I parked on the side street.

"Roger and I used to come here when we lived nearby..." I advised Chrissie as we got out and walked to the entrance. "We try to eat here when we get a chance...but it has been awhile..." I remarked. We stepped inside and there was Lina. Just like always. Playing hostess to the customers. She recognized me and threw her arms open.

"My goodness!" she exclaimed. "I haven't see you for a long time!" she stated as I welcomed her embrace. I smiled at her.

"I've been gone a lot on tour..." I pointed out. I turned and gestured at Chrissie. "This is her first time here Lina..." I said as Chrissie smiled at the older woman.

"Welcome to my place!" she told Chrissie and took me by the arm. "You're favorite booth is open..." Lina announced as she escorted us to the back of the restaurant. We got seated and she handed us the menus. "I know just the wine you should start with..." Lina said as she disappeared from the table.

"This is a nice place..." Chrissie commented as she looked around at the cloth covered tables and the low lighting.

"It's not very posh but the food is amazing!" I assured her. Lina returned with a bottle of white wine and poured us each a glass. We quickly perused the menu but I stuck with my favorite. "What would you like to eat?" I asked her. Lina watched her as she scanned the menu again. Unable to decide.

"What do you like?" Chrissie asked me.

"I always get the same thing....the Eggplant Parmesan..." I answered. Chrissie seemed to hesitate on that option.

"I'll have the Chicken Carbonara..." she announced. I was surprised at her choice. Lina took her menu and advised she would bring us our salads.

"It's funny you ordered that..." I commented as she tried the wine.

"Why?" she questioned. I felt a little embarrassed to actually say it.

"That is what Roger always orders..." I revealed. She smiled at me.

"Then is must be pretty good..." I smiled back. Feeling more at ease. "Did you see your real estate broker this morning?" Chrissie asked.

"I did..." I confirmed and sighed a little. Starting to feel sullen at the reminder. "I can't seem to find a place that feels right..." I stated. "I think I am overthinking it and maybe I should just tell Erica to pick a place and get moved in..." I half complained. "I can't stay in that hotel much longer..." I mumbled. "Some fans were there today and that means people know I am staying...and Jim's already tired of the place..." I rambled. I really hated my circumstances and felt weary. I felt Chrissie's hand touch mine on the table.

"I'm so sorry you are going through this Brian...and I know you want to find the right place for Jimi as much as yourself..." she said in a comforting tone. "Maybe tomorrow will be the day you find the right house..." Chrissie said optimistically. I nodded. Wanting to try and be positive.

"Yeah..." I agreed.

"If it isn't too forward of me...I want to let you know you are more than welcome to stay with me until you find the right place..." Chrissie suddenly told me. "The hotel is no place for Jimi while he is in school and you're not going to have any real privacy there..." she pointed out. I felt like her offer was wonderful; generous; but she didn't need us crowding her life.

"That's too much to ask of you...I'm sure you're busy and don't need us imposing on your busy schedule..." I replied. Chrissie half laughed at my response.

"The truth is Brian I don't have much in my life these days..." she confessed. "Besides my work at the shelter...I really don't do much..." I was surprised to hear this. I remembered her mentioning she was looking for a part time job.

"You were going to look for a job..." I recalled. She nodded as sipped her wine.

"Yes...I need to do something meaningful with my time again..." she looked down at her lap and seemed embarrassed about something. She looked up at me again. "I really enjoyed helping Jimi and you..." she told me. "It's no imposition..." she assured me. "That way you're somewhere safe and comfortable until you find the right home for you and Jimi..." she repeated.

"I don't know..." I told her. I felt like I needed to ask Roger if he was okay with this. I didn't want to upset him and I would feel better if he knew and was accepting before I said yes. "Let me think about it..." I said with a smile. "It is a generous offer and I will let you know..."

Lina appeared with our salads and set them down in front of us. My stomach rumbled and I was glad to be eating. She brought some bread as well and Chrissie and I got busy with our meal and talk turned to her work at the shelter. I was impressed to hear how much passion and energy she gave to it. She was only there three days a week but enjoyed working in the clinic and helping with the teens in need. After hearing a few stories about children and problems they faced with their parents, it reminded me I had a problem facing my own parents right now. I had hoped to have a new place to live first and then tell them my situation. It was becoming clear I just needed to let them know what happened. I dreaded it but it had to be done.

"I can appreciate the challenges children have with their parents..." I remarked to Chrissie as we started in on our entrees. "I never ran away from home but I've had some real conflict with my father..." I told her. "I am sure you know what topic I am referring to..." I said as I glanced around at the nearby tables. The restaurant was full and people were lost in their own conversations but I was always guarded in public. Chrissie nodded understanding.

"I can imagine having to tell them was quite difficult..." she replied. "Do you have a good relationship with them now?" she asked. I nodded as I cut another bite.

"Yes...my father doesn't always approve of my choices...but we've managed to find a way to get along..." I answered. I grinned for a moment and leaned closer. "It's funny...he actually likes Roger..." I told her quietly. "They enjoy the same awful habit!" I remarked. Chrissie smirked at me.

"I suppose you mean they both smoke..." she questioned. I nodded and she smirked. "I bet you don't miss that at all right now..." she commented. I wanted to agree with her but right now I even missed that. The sight of my beloved holding his god awful cigarette. Seated in a chair by the open window blowing his smoke out. I instantly imagined him sitting there wrapped in his favorite dressing gown and blathering on about something he read in the papers that annoyed him. I missed it so much I ached inside.

---Roger's POV---

"I am so sorry Roger..." Dominique told me again as we sat in her office. I had met her for lunch at her office. She had a lovely meal brought in and I sat and filled her in on the latest in my personal drama. She has been a great listener and offered words of support and encouragement. Like everyone else, she had no idea how to fix the problem. She truly felt bad that Brian and I were separated and Jimi was forced to move with him. Dom had quite a few choice words to say about my father. I appreciated every one of them.

"I know you are...I appreciate it..." I replied sincerely. "I guess now the important thing is making sure Jimi is settled somewhere and Brian finds a decent place to live..." I explained. "He's starting that new school after the new year and he can't give a hotel as his home address..." I remarked as I lit a cigarette.

"You said Brian was working with your broker to find a place...I'm sure he will find something..." she said with an assuring smile. "How is Tiger Lily doing?" she asked. I took a long drag and enjoyed the sensation before answering.

"She's managing well enough...she's worried about Brian and Jimi..." I told her honestly. Dom gave me a surprised expression.

"She's not worried about you?" she questioned. I hadn't really thought about it. Too busy worried about the people who were forced to leave our home.

"I don't know..." I answered honestly. "I think were are both too focused on the others..." I observed. "I have to tell you that Brian and Jimi had dinner at Chrissie Mullen's house last night..." I told her. I know Dom remembered my story about that time when Brian had Chrissie as his nurse on tour. She looked a little concerned.

"That was nice of her to have them over..." Dom said diplomatically. I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms.

"She more than had them over for dinner..." I responded. "Brian fell asleep on her sofa and they stayed the night..." I divulged. Dom's eyebrows went up hearing this. She took a sip of her drink.

"And how do you feel about that?" she asked me. I shrugged a little.

"I don't know...Jimi called me from her place when Brian fell asleep and it was his bedtime...he didn't want to wake Brian because he hadn't slept well since they left the house..." I advised. "I felt it was wrong to wake him when he needed the sleep...so I just told Chrissie to have them stay the night..." Dom listened and kept an neutral expression.

"So it was one night at a friend's place..." Dom stated to me. I guess she was trying to gauge if that was how I viewed it. I nodded.

"I guess after all this time that is what they are...friends..." I answered.

"Do you think Chrissie still has feelings for him?" Dom pointedly questioned.

"I don't know...it's been a long time..." I replied.

"Did Chrissie ever have any kids with her ex-husband?" she asked me. I shook my head as I sat up and tapped my cigarette on the ashtray.

"No..." I confirmed. Dom seemed to be thinking and I sat and watched her face. I knew she was mulling something over in her mind. I had known her long enough to be aware of it. "What are you thinking?" I asked her. She reached for her glass and had another sip.

"I was just thinking about how women don't really let go of wanting a child..." she stated. "If I were her...I might see Brian as my last chance to have one..." she said as she looked me in the eye. I instantly thought about Dom asking Brian if he was okay with me fathering a child for her. I had decided against it and Brian had told me he would tell Dom he wasn't comfortable with it to spare her feelings. I knew Dom was thinking of her own desire for a child in considering Chrissie's. Dom had never directly asked me about it. I could see this was something Dom still wanted. I guess her observation about Chrissie was an astute one.

"So you think Chrissie is going to pull Brian back into her life so she can have a child?" I asked her. Dom shrugged a little.

"I would just be sure and consider the possibility when her name comes up..." Dom remarked. "I have a feeling her name will come up again..." she stated with confidence.

"Alright..." I answered. Dom looked at me intently.

"How would you feel if she asks Brian for a child and he agrees to it?" Dom then questioned. I knew this was about more than Brian and Chrissie but I needed to give an honest answer about them right now. Not about Dom and myself.

"To be honest...if I felt confident there weren't any romantic feelings between them I might be okay with it..." I responded. "But I'm afraid that won't be the case...at least on Chrissie's part..."

"So we are back to you thinking Chrissie might still have feelings for him?" Dom asked me again. I felt like she was my therapist. I grinned at her cunning questioning.

"I guess I worry about it...she might still have feelings for him..." I answered truthfully. "He has a lot to offer a person..." I said with my affection for him on display. Dom grinned at me. "Chrissie will want more than his sperm..." I stated. "She will want to whole package...the child...the father...a husband..."

"But he's already married..." Dom pointed out. I always appreciated her respecting Brian and I's belief that we are married.

"He is..." I agreed. "I'm just not confident Chrissie will remember it..."

Chapter Text

7th November 1984

London

Tiger Lily's POV

"You sure it's okay with your parents?" Melanie asked me when she arrived home from work. Lulu's mother is a television actress. She is currently the star of a night time drama that Mia and Clare watch all the time. But she's told Lulu she'd like to do something different. Be a talk show presenter. It is something her agent has been working on a while. I nodded and smiled at her question.

"My Papa knows..." I assured her. We had called Mia about me coming over here tonight and I planned to stay for dinner so we could talk to Melanie. Mia said she or Papa would pick me up around 8 so I could be home in time for bed. Melanie seemed satisfied with my answer as she pulled her coat off and hung it up.

"We're always happy to have you over..." she told me as she began walking into the hallway. Lulu and I followed her to the dining room where her housekeeper was setting out the plates for dinner.

"Thank you..." I replied to be polite. We got seated at the table as Bonnie, the housekeeper, carried out the covered dishes of food. She is a good cook so I always enjoy a meal at Lulu's. Tonight it was a chicken casserole with some kind of mushroom sauce.

"What are you two up to this evening?" Melanie asked us as we all ate our dinner. Lulu looked at me and then her mother.

"We have something we want to discuss with you in private..." Lulu informed her mother. Melanie looked intrigued as she sipped her glass of wine.

"And what would that be?" she questioned with interest.

"It has to be private!" Lulu insisted as Bonnie came back through with a covered dish.

"This is your pudding..." Bonnie announced as she set the dish down next to a stack of bowls. "I'm off to my book club...." she advised us.

"Have a good time!" Melanie told her as their housekeeper exited the room. Melanie took a bite of food and then turned to us both.

"We're all alone now....what is it you wanted to talk about?" she asked us. Lulu looked at me again and I nodded.

"Tiggy's parents had to separate because her evil Granddad made them and we are trying to figure out how we can get them back together..." she divulged to her mother. Melanie's face showed confusion.

"I'm sorry...but how did your Granddad make them split up?" she questioned. "I don't understand..." I knew it was time for me to explain.

"So you know they're together?" I asked her plainly. Melanie took a sip of wine and nodded.

"You mean Brian and Roger are a couple?" she answered. "Yes...I'm aware of that.." she said. I figured she knew but wanted to be sure.

"I never met him before but my Papa's father showed up at our house last week and said that they had to split up or he would tell the newspapers about them..." I revealed. Melanie's mouth fell open.

"Oh my god...that is terrible!" Melanie reacted. "Why would he do something so horrid?" she questioned as she looked at me for an answer. She covered her throat with her hand. "And to his own son?" she added in disbelief.

"I don't know why..." I said truthfully. "I had never seen my Granddad before that night...Papa said we don't speak to him...at least until now..." I felt sad thinking about it all. Not sure why he doesn't like Daddy or Jimi. "So Daddy had to leave and take Jimi since he is his father..."

"Well something has to be done!" Melanie said with conviction and looked right at me. "There is nothing wrong with your parents Tiger Lily...they are wonderful people and clearly love each other very much..." she told me. "Their being together is no one's business and I am sorry your Granddad did this to your family..." she said sincerely. "What can I do to help?" she asked as she gave me her full attention.

"I know we can't properly be together right now...all of us..." I replied. "And I know my Papa said that someone might be watching us to make sure they don't see each other...but I want to figure out a way for us to be together for Christmas..." I explained. "Without anyone knowing..." I sighed. "I just want us to have one last Christmas...in case they can't ever get back together..."

Melanie seemed touched by my words and was silent for a minute. She took a drink of wine and then she picked up her napkin and I saw her dab at her eyes with it. I waited for her to say something and felt Lulu reach over and touch my hand on the table. She smiled warmly at me. I appreciated her support more than anything. Melanie made a sniffle sound and then looked at me again.

"I feel like I'm in one of those crazy plots the writers cook up on my show..." she said with a smile as she wiped at her eyes again. "You are the sweetest girl Tiger Lily and I will figure out a way to help you reunite your family..." she promised. I felt hopeful as she smiled at me.

"Thank you..." I said with appreciation. Melanie gestured at my plate.

"Eat your dinner sweetheart while I give this some thought..." she encouraged. I smiled and picked up my fork to have a bite.

-----------------------------------

===Brian's POV===

"I promise I will find a place tomorrow..." I told Jimi as we drove from his school. He nodded and was quiet. I felt bad for him. A hotel is no place for a child. Like Chrissie had said. "I know you're tired of the hotel..." I stated. "We can go wherever you like for dinner..." I proposed. Wanting to cheer him up.

"Can we build a pizza?" he asked me. I smiled at him.

"Of course we can..." I replied and tried to remember where the nearest location of this pizza chain was. We got distracted making our own pizzas and took a seat in a booth as we waited for them to bake. Jimi and I both ordered a coca cola and he sipped his through a straw.

"I saw Tigs at lunch today..." Jimi announced as we waited.

"How is she?" I asked. He peered at me with his blue eyes. So much like Clare and Roger's except for the shape of his eyes. They were shaped like mine.

"She told me to tell you that you need to tell Nanny and Big what happened..." Jimi responded. I was taken aback by the information. But I shouldn't be surprised. Tiger Lily is a determined child. I am sure she is up to speed on everything going on and has her Papa's ear. She apparently has Jimi's as well. She is right. I need to tell them.

"I tell you what...I will go by there tomorrow after I find us a house..." I advised him. Jimi formed a satisfied smile as he sipped his cola.

"Will we spend Christmas there?" he asked. I nodded and felt my stomach knot at the reminder we are on our own for the holidays.

"Yes...I expect we will be at Nana and Big's..." I confirmed. "If you like we can get a Christmas tree for our new place..." I said to try and raise both our spirits. Jimi shrugged a little.

"Okay..." he said. "Will I get to have my stuff?" he questioned. I nodded.

"Yes...Clare and Mia are packing your things and they will be delivered once we have a place..." I assured him. "Do you miss your room? Your books and things?" I asked him. He nodded and then looked away from me.

"I miss our family more..." he said. I felt his pain.

"I miss them too..." I said and were both were silent until our pizzas arrived.

Jimi ate most of his small pizza and I ended up having a slice or two of my own. We headed out and I realized the restaurant wasn't that far from Chrissie's house. I turned down Lonsdale Road and noticed that her street was only a few blocks away. It was an interesting coincidence. I smiled remembering the nice lunch we had and her generous offer. I still needed to talk to Roger about it.

As I was driving past her turn off I saw a notice of a property for sale. It said it was a new listing. Out of curiosity I turned down the street and found the property in question was a charming brick home that was set further back from the street. It was a walled in property by way of a tall hedge and there was something quite appealing about it. Even just from viewing it from the road.

"Do you like that house?" I asked Jimi. He turned and looked at the place I was pointing at.

"It's not as big as our house..." Jimi responded.

"I'm not buying a place like we have in the country..." I explained. "Just somewhere nice to live until we can sort this all out..." Jimi leaned forward and took a second look.

"I like the yard..." he remarked. "Can we see the inside?" he then asked.

"I'll see if Erica can arrange for me to look at it tomorrow..." I told him as I got a pen and paper from my console and wrote down the information. We went back to the hotel and Jimi did his homework at the table while I called Roger from the bedroom.

"Did you get a good night's sleep?" he asked me first thing. I knew he was going to say something about Chrissie since he was aware I fell asleep at her house.

"I did actually..." I replied. "I know you got a call from Jimi last night..." I said right away. "Chrissie kindly offered us a home cooked meal and I got full and fell asleep while Jimi did his homework..."

"Have you found a place to live yet?" he asked me next.

"I didn't today but I saw a property when we were driving home from dinner that I liked...I am going to see if I can view it tomorrow..."

"The sooner you get settled, you'll sleep better..." Roger pointed out. "Have you talk to your parents?" he then questioned. I was starting to feel like he had a list of questions in front of him.

"No...but I decided I will tomorrow...no matter what..." I assured him.

"Good...because you need to get sorted for the holidays and you need to figure out who is taking care of Jimi when we go on tour...." My head was spinning with the reminder at how out of balance things are right now.

"I'm sure my parents can help out..." I replied. Laying back on the bed and dreading that conversation tomorrow. "Can I talk to Tiger Lily?" I requested. I needed to hear her voice.

"She's over at Lulu's...I can have her call you when she gets home..." he answered. I had to remember that despite the upheaval going on right now, the children needed continuity. I wondered if I should offer for Jimi to see a friend in the next few days.

"Okay...how are you doing?" I asked Roger.

"I'm alright...just worried about you...and Jimi...wanting you settled somewhere..."

"I promise I will find a place...hopefully tomorrow..." I said to reassure him. Growing tired of the pressure to find something.

"So do you plan on seeing a lot of Chrissie?" Roger suddenly asked. I somehow imagined that question being on his list and a tinge of irritation went through me.

"I only had contact with her because I got the notice about that shelter fundraiser..." I told him in probably a bit too harsh of a tone. "She was kind enough to offer us some hospitality since we are holed up here!" I didn't see this as a good indicator that Roger would be open to me staying at Chrissie's.

"I wasn't accusing you of anything!" Roger responded sharply. "It was just a question..." he said and we were both silent for a minute. Trying to calm down.

"I'm sorry..." I finally said and sighed. "I just feel like my life has been turned upside down and everyone is pushing me to get all these things done and I'm tired and..." I began to ramble at him.

"I'm sorry..." Roger interrupted. "I know you've got a lot on your plate right now and I didn't mean to pressure you...if my father hadn't barged into our lives and fucked everything up..." he lamented.

"I don't blame you for this Rog...I hope you know that..." I said to offer him some solace.

"We were supposed to be on a beach right now..." Roger suddenly said out of the blue. "You and I just relaxing and escaping the whole wide world..." he told me in a voice that was part whimsy and part pain. I had completely forgot about our planned trip to Ibiza. We were going have a belated anniversary getaway. It had been ruined by the unexpected arrival of Michael Taylor.

"You were going to look at some boats..." I responded with the same whimsy. Trying to hide my own pain at being robbed of this holiday with my husband. Roger let out a little laugh. I am sure he was picturing those fancy yachts he had his eye on.

"I was going to find the most expensive one and buy it just to annoy you..." he confessed. I laughed a little myself. It was typical Roger. "And then I was going to take you out on it and make love to you on the deck....with only the sky above us and the ocean around us..." he dreamed out loud.

"It sounds lovely..." I said back. Wishing it would come true. Wishing we were there right now instead of in his mess. "We'll do it someday..." I told him. Wanting to keep the hope alive that we would get back to each other.

"We will..." Roger agreed. Banking on the same hope as me. "Is Jimi free to talk?" he asked me; changing the subject before we both got emotional.

"Yes...let me get him..."

===The next day===

"This is a nice area..." Erica remarked as she turned off the main street onto the one with the property. I had called her when we returned from dinner and gave her the information for the property. She had managed to arrange a viewing for me and picked me up at 10 in the morning. "There a lots of families around here...it would be good for Jimi..." she boasted as she reached the drive for the house and pulled in. There was a woman standing on the front step and it was clearly the broker for the seller. The woman waved to us as she began walking our way.

"Good morning!" the woman greeted and came up and shook Erica's hand. "I'm Holland Gibbs...and are you the person interested in the property?" she asked as she shook my hand.

"Yes...Brian May..." I told her. Her face registered recognition.

"Are you with that group Queen?" she asked me. I nodded and her smile widened. "My daughter is a fan!" she remarked as she gestured at the house. "I think you will like this house Mr. May..." she told me with confidence as we walked to the entrance. "As you can see the front lawn is a nice size and creates a lovely sound barrier from the road...adds to your privacy..." she said as the broker began her tour of the property. I listened as we reached the door and stepped inside. The front hallway looked like most homes but I noticed an excited expression on the woman's face as she turned and reached for a door. "I believe you will probably like this room the best..." she told me as she opened the door and stepped aside for me to see it.

It was a music room. The current owners had a black baby grand piano installed in the center of the room and there was a beautiful bay window that looked out into the garden. The natural light in the room made me smile. Feel lighter. "The owners are interested in selling the piano as part of the deal..." she informed me. That would be convenient. I need a piano for my writing.

"It's a nice piano..." I remarked to show her I was listening. Interested.

"Do you write a lot at home?" she asked me. I nodded.

"I do..." I confirmed. We left the room and began walking through the ground floor.

"Do you have any children?" she asked me next. It pained me to answer in a lie.

"Yes...a son..." I replied. She smiled at me.

"There's 7 bedrooms and the back garden is large...plenty of room to play..." she remarked. I did like the layout of the house and the kitchen was modern. She was right. The back garden was immense and the current owners had the back section planted. I could picture myself enjoying this space and started to feel like this might be the house for me.

"Let's go upstairs..." she suggested. We went back inside and headed up the stairs. Most of the bedrooms were small but there was one that was a bit larger. It would be nice for Jimi. The main bedroom was quite sizable and had its own bathroom. The house had been well cared for. I was starting to have a good feeling about it overall.

"Do you have any questions?" the broker asked me. I turned and smiled at her; deciding to go for it.

"Can I write you a check?"

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15th November 1984

London

Roger's POV

"Come on in..." I told Deacy as I held the door for him. He stepped inside and saw all the moving boxes stacked in the front hall.

"This has to be so surreal for you..." he remarked as he pulled off his coat and I hung it in the front closet.

"It is..." I agreed as I looked around at Brian's and Jimi's belongings. Neatly packed and waiting to be picked up by the movers. Clare had completely packed up Jimi's room and I was trying to finish up Brian's things since she was going on a mini break with Malcolm. Deacy had mentioned again on the phone his willingness to help out so I took him up on it. Even if it is was only moral support. "It's just us today..." I informed him. "Clare's out of town and Mia and Tigs are out shopping..."

"Christmas isn't far off...I need to get some shopping done myself..." Deacy remarked. "So...what are you working on today?" he asked me as we walked down the hallway.

"I'm going through Brian's office and packing up the personal things before the movers come and pack the rest..." I advised. We walked into his office and Deacy saw the stack of boxes ready to be filled. "You want a drink?" I asked him. He nodded so I walked to the liquor cabinet in the corner of the room and poured us both a whisky and handed him one. I took a seat at Brian's desk as Deacy lit a cigarette and had a seat in one of the club chairs nearby.

"You don't think he has any secrets in there you're not supposed to see?" Deacy questioned as I began pulling out files and notebooks. I shrugged at him.

"I honestly don't think we have any real secrets these days..." I replied as I opened a box and found some undeveloped rolls of film. I had managed to find quite a few of these around the house as we packed. I turned and put it in a box marked film. "We've been together so long..." I trailed off on the words. Hoping we still had a future together.

"Oh come on Rog..." Deacy countered. "Everyone has their secrets..." he insisted. I looked at him as he took a drag from his cigarette.

"You've got secrets from Ronnie then?" I asked back. He nodded and shifted in his chair a little.

"Of course..." he confirmed. "She doesn't know everything about me..." he confessed. I found myself curious about what Deacy might be keeping from his wife.

"Oh yeah?" I said back. "Like what?" I asked as I opened another folder and found some of Tiger Lily's drawings from years ago. I noticed Deacy reaching for his whisky. He took a sip and then looked at me.

"I never told her about Freddie..." he divulged.

"I guess that is something you probably want kept hidden..." I responded as I stopped what I was doing. Intrigued by Deacy's long term secret.

"There have been a few times I thought I would tell her...you know...certain moments arise and you feel this is the right time...but I couldn't..." he advised as he stared into his drink. I could see some guilt in his face.

"Hey..." I told him. "I know you and Freddie were together when you and Ronnie were...but it stopped when you got married...you've kept your vows..." I reminded him. Deacy sighed and finished the rest of his whisky. I wondered for a minute if he had possibly broken his vows by the strained look on his face.

"I've spent the night with him a few times..." Deacy announced and I found myself reaching for my own whisky. This was news to me.

"When?" I asked him. "Did you...?" I questioned. Wondering how far things went. He smiled a little and shook his head.

"We didn't have sex..." he confirmed. "But I wanted to..." he then told me. I was surprised by his admission. I was curious about something.

"So have you ever been with another man besides him?" I questioned. Deacy shook his head and smashed out his cigarette.

"No..." he replied. He then looked right at me.

"Did you ever?" he asked. "Since that time you cheated?" I shook my head and then remembered Miami.

"Actually...Brian and I might have slept with someone and don't remember...our drinks were spiked at a party once..." I told him. Deacy's eyebrows raised hearing this.

"When was this?" he asked. I took another drink of whisky and got up to walk to the liquor cabinet for more. I knew he would want a refill.

"It was that time we stayed in that beach house in Miami..." I responded. "We got invited to a party down the beach and it turned out to be some kind of drug fueled orgy..." Deacy formed an amused expression.

"And here I thought you two just watched tv together on tour..." he quipped. I smiled at his dig at me.

"No...we play bridge..." I said back dryly and Deacy chuckled as I poured him another glass of whisky. I returned to my chair and filled my own glass. I watched as he swirled his glass and looked at the contents. Thinking about something.

"I've never been with another man...but I haven't kept my vows to Ronnie..." Deacy said as he let out a heavy sigh and then looked up at me. It seemed like saying it was a kind of release. I wasn't going to judge him. I was far from perfect.

"Does Ronnie know?" I asked him. He shrugged and seemed unsure.

"I haven't said and she never asks....but I think she knows..." he answered. "You've been lucky Rog...you and Brian..." he expanded. "You're always together....on tour...when we're recording...even at home...you're always with each other..." he stated with a weary expression. "You've never really known how lonely it can get on tour..." he remarked. I could see this was him trying to explain to me and himself why he had strayed. I sipped my drink.

"Has it just been the odd one night stand or is there someone else?" I questioned delicately.

"Just the odd encounter..." he answered. "But I still broke my vows..." he pointed out; not happy with himself for it.

"You're human! You've always come home from tour and made your family your top priority Deaks..." I reminded him. "Maybe if you could get Ronnie to come on tour with us...spend some time alone..." I suggested. "When was the last time you two went anywhere without the kids?" I asked. Deacy shrugged.

"It's been a long while..." he responded.

"She's never seen Japan...take her with you!" I advised. "Find someone to stay with the kids and take her along..." I said with some enthusiasm. He nodded and smiled and seemed to be open to the idea.

"I might..." he said and sipped his drink. "I guess you and Brian can't even be together on tour then..." he stated. I nodded and had another drink. I fished in my pocket for my cigarettes and lit one. Needing one of my coping tools right now.

"No...we can't risk it..." I said quietly. We both sat silent as we finished our drinks and Deacy lit another cigarette. The topic of conversation had left us both glum. I decided to change the subject.

"Tell me about Brian's new house again..." I asked him as I reached into the drawer and resumed sorting through things. I was relying on others to describe it to me while I waited on the photos from Brian. When he told me he had found a place it felt settling and unsettling at the same time. It felt so weird to think he had bought a house and I would probably never see it in person.

"It's nice..." Deacy remarked. "It has more bedrooms than mine does..." he said snidely. "He doesn't plan to fill them does he?" Deacy said jokingly. We both grinned but I felt a lump in my throat as I recalled Brian telling me the house was in Barnes. The same area Chrissie lived in.

"He better not!" I said back and tried to fake a chuckle. Hoping what Dom said wasn't true. I pulled out a box and opened it and found a small album of photographs. I was going to complain out loud that this man has pictures everywhere! In drawers and cabinets! In his bloody sock drawer and nightstand. All over the house! But these pictures made me stop my whining. They were photographs from long ago. So long ago. They were ones that Brian had taken of me when we first got together. I flipped through them and one of the photos made that lump in my throat thicken. For some reason seeing this picture from a simpler time in my life made me long for that moment.

"Are you okay?" Deacy asked me. He got up from his chair and walked over to me. He looked down and saw the photograph. "Did Brian take that?" he asked me. I could only nod and felt tears stinging my eyes.

"Yeah..." I finally managed and handed Deacy the album. He looked at the photo again and then at me as I wiped at a tear.

"He really captured you.." Deacy remarked in a tender tone. "You're beauty..." I appreciated his compliment and made a sound of appreciation.

"I wish I could go back to that time..." I fantasized. "Back when the only real problems we had were paying the rent and scrounging together enough money for some fags and a takeaway..." I said as I made a huffing laugh and wiped at my eyes again. Trying to stave off an emotional collapse. Finally feeling the weight of my situation. "My Dad didn't know about us then and we were nobody..." I reminisced with a touch of sadness. "We were broke but we were so fucking happy..." I lamented. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up at Deacy.

"When you're young and your troubles are all very small..." he told me wearing a comforting smile. I found a smile for him as he recalled my own song lyrics. They somehow seemed quite appropriate.

"Yeah...something like that..." I said and resumed looking through the pictures.

===Brian's POV===

It had started raining and I felt a shiver go through me. Thought it may be from what I am about to do. I knocked on my parent's door and waited. It finally opened and my father smiled at me.

"I see the rain finally started..." he remarked as I stepped inside. He took my coat and I rubbed my hands over my arms. Trying to warm up. My mother came in and frowned.

"You look cold...I'll get you some tea..." she announced and turned back to the kitchen.

"Let's go to the table..." I suggested to my father and he nodded agreement. We took a seat at the dining table and my mother came in carrying a fresh cup for me.

"Thanks..." I said and she smiled as she took a seat next to my father.

"What is it you needed to talk about?" my father asked. My mother appeared curious as well.

"I needed to tell you that something happened with Roger and I and we're not living together anymore..." I announced. My father's face soured and I could instantly see he was thinking the worst. "It's not what you think!" I said quickly. "Please let me tell you what happened..."

"Go on..." my father responded and he pulled his cigarettes from his pocket and proceeded to light one.

"Roger's father paid us an unexpected visit..." I began. I sat and told them the entire story of what transpired and my mother's hand quickly slid over and took hold of my own. I appreciated her comfort as I explained that Jimi and I had left as advised and I had found a home for us in Barnes. Their was clear shock on their faces as I handed them a slip of paper with my new address and phone number.

"So does that mean we don't get to see Tiger Lily anymore?" my mother questioned as my father took the paper.

"I am sure we could figure out a way for her to see you...as long as Roger or myself aren't there..." I replied. "And Jimi too...I guess..." I told them; unsure of what stupid rules Michael Taylor might have made about grandparents. I hated this so much and it pained my mother deeply to hear all this. I had expected the reaction I got from her. Upset and worry about the children and me and Roger too.

"So he just has this hold over your lives and there is nothing you can do about it?" my father asked next. Indignant in hearing all this. "Maybe it's time to give up the band and make your priority your children Brian..." he began to lecture. "If you and Roger can't be together...then focus on Jimi and try and give him the best life possible..." he suggested.

"His best life is with us both!" I countered. "Jimi loves Roger and he talks to him every night on the phone before bed...he wants us back together...our family intact..." I argued. "And if you think I am just going to give up Tiger Lily...let go of her being in my life!" I said accusingly. I was angry now and felt my tolerance in listening to my father at all on this subject starting to wane.

"Brian...please calm down!" my mother urged as she glanced at my father. Giving him a cautionary expression. "I don't believe your father is telling you to quit caring about Tiger Lily...he's just being pragmatic about your situation..." she tried to explain.

"I'm not quitting the band!" I told my father with a stubborn set in my jaw. "It is my direct link to Roger and I won't give it up!" I assured him. I could see him tighten his mouth at the news.

"Is Jimi still going to attend Hampton?" he asked me. I nodded.

"Yes...that has not changed..." I confirmed and then realized some aspects had changed. "I won't be here when he starts though..." I disclosed. "And Clare can't see him...so I need to ask if you will accompany him on his first day..." I requested in a much nicer tone than I had used a moment ago. Needing their help with my son. Their grandson.

"Of course we will..." my mother assured me with a warm smile.

"It's your son's first day at a prestigious school and you're going to party in Rio instead?" my father questioned in a judgmental tone.

"I didn't come here today for a lecture on my life choices..." I finally said to my father. "If you won't be there for him as his grandparent...I will find someone else to take him!" I threatened as I stood up from the table. My mother slammed her fist down on the table surface and both my father and I jumped in surprise.

"Stop it! Both of you!" she said in a voice filled with anger. I stood frozen at her sudden outburst. My father was clearly taken aback as well. "Sit back down..." she told me firmly. I instantly got back in my chair and felt almost timid in her presence. She was livid and it took a lot to get her there. Her expression reminded me of when I was a misbehaving child and she had to reprimand me.

"Ruth..." my father went to say and my mother shot him a dirty look. He closed his mouth.

"I am not going to sit here and listen to you both fall into old habits of going at each other when my family is being torn apart!" she announced to us. "You will both stop your bickering!" she demanded. "We are going to sit here and come up with a plan to make sure Jimi is looked after while Brian works..." Both my father and I nodded agreement. "And once we're done I am going to call Roger and Tiger Lily and tell them that I love them..." she advised. My soft spot for my mother swelled as she found a semblance of a smile again. I reached over and took her hand.

"Thanks Mum..." I told her sweetly. She patted my hand and gave me a stern look.

"If you ever wait this long to tell me news like this again...I will spank your bottom blue!" she warned. I knew she meant it. I might be 37 years old but she is my mother after all.

"Yes mam..." I immediately said back and watched my father try to hide a smirk as he got up to get the calendar.

Chapter Text

22nd November 1984

Surrey

Tiger Lily's POV

"Stand still...will you?" Mia ordered as I stood on top of the chair in the kitchen and she pinned up the hem of my choir robe. We had been issued new ones for the school holiday program but mine had been too long and she was hemming it for me. The radio was on and I couldn't help but move to the music. It was a song by that new guy, Julian Lennon. He is the son of John Lennon. That musician who was in The Beatles. 'Too Late for Goodbyes' is one of my favorites right now. I forced myself to be still for her.

"I've got Julian's album on my Christmas list..." I reminded Mia. She nodded and smiled at me.

"That and about 50 other things..." she said in a sarcastic tone. The telephone rang and Mia got up to answer it. I resumed dancing on the chair as she spoke to the caller. "It's for you..." she told me. "You need to be quick as I need to finish..." Mia pointed out as she walked the phone to me; stretching the cord. I knew it was either Lulu or Jimi or Daddy.

"Hello..."

"Tiggy...it's me!" It's Lulu.

"I've just got a minute..." I said quickly to get her focused on what she is calling about.

"My Mum came up with a brill idea about getting your family together at Christmas!" I felt my heart rate jump at the words.

"She did?" I questioned. I knew there wasn't time to go into details right now. Mia was watching me and holding her pin cushion in her hand. "Let me call you when we've finished hemming my robe..." I requested.

"Okay..." Lulu said and hung up. I held the phone out and Mia walked it back to the wall. I wore a massive smile as she resumed the pinning. I giggled with excitement.

"What's got you so giddy?" Mia questioned. I shrugged a little. Trying to downplay it.

"Nothing...just some Christmas chatter with Lu...." I responded. She turned her eyes back to my hem and I did my best to stand still. Not just from the music but from dying to hear the plan.

As soon as she finished and I took the robe off I rush to my Daddy's office. It was sad it was empty but I found it was an opportune place to call my friend in private. I closed the door and walked to his barren desk. Running my hand over the top and remembering all the clutter that had been there before he had been forced to leave. I shook off the sadness and sat in his big chair and picked up the phone. I kicked my legs back and forth in the high chair as I dialed Lulu's number.

"Everett household..." Lulu answered politely.

"It's me!" I told her with my heart racing in my chest.

"Okay! Let me get my Mum!" she said and I heard some noise on her end. I opened the desk drawer and found a pen and notepad and pulled it out. Feeling like I should write down the plan to help me remember it.

"Hi Tiger Lily...it's Melanie!" her mother said as she came on the phone. "I've got Lulu here with me on my speaker phone...can you hear us?" she asked.

"Yes....go ahead..." I said with anticipation. I picked up the pen. Ready to write.

"I talked to my favorite writer at the show and he helped me devise a cunning little plan..." she began to explain to me. I sat and listened and wrote down the key points. It sounded brilliant to me and I wore a massive smile as I took notes and felt like I might really have a way to get my family together; even if it is just for the holidays.

------------------------------------

23rd November 1984

London/Surrey

Roger's POV

"Are you listening to me?" Clare asked me. I looked up at her and gave her a blank look. I wasn't aware she was talking to me.

"Sorry..." I told her and looked down at my fork. Lost in my thoughts. There is so much going on at the moment I feel a bit out of sorts. The events of the last few weeks have left me tired and distracted.

"I was reminding you that you've got a phone interview in 20 minutes..." Clare informed me. I nodded and reached for my napkin and wiped my mouth. Not really hungry for breakfast.

"Okay...I'll be in my office..." I said quietly and got up from the table. Everyone was watching me as I turned to leave. They watched me at most meals these days. And constantly asking me how I am doing. I'm tired of the question. I am dealing with things is the best answer I can give. I am not sure that means I am okay but it is just how things are right now. I heard someone get up after me and I closed my eyes and braced myself for another round of checking on me as I walked down the hallway.

"Rog..." It was Clare. She followed me to my office and lingered in the doorway as I reached for my cigarettes and lit one as I took a seat.

"If you are going to ask me how I am doing then I am going to tell you the same thing I told you yesterday..." I blurted out to her. She pursed her lips and sighed a little.

"I was actually going to remind you that you need to write the check to Dad so I can post it..." she replied. My face formed a grimace at the news it was time to write a check to that piece of shit. I opened my desk drawer and pulled out my personal account check book. Clare remained in the doorway as I took the pen and started filling it out.

"Who do I make it out to?" I questioned as I wrote the amount. My stomach twisted at how much I was paying him. "Michael Monster Taylor?" I asked her as I looked up at her. Clare formed a small smirk.

"It would be brilliant if you could send it that way!" she said and I actually found myself smirking a little at the fantasy. Imagining his face when he saw the check. But I knew it would lead to a phone call to the newspapers or worse yet, child services. I finished writing the check and tore it from the book and held it up to her as she walked over. "I know you hate it Rog..." she told me sympathetically. "Maybe he'll die in a car accident or something..." she remarked. While the thought was appealing, it wouldn't resolve the dilemma.

"You're forgetting about dear old Moira...his loving wife and successor in blackmail..." I said in a snide voice. Clare had forgot about her and formed a grimace of her own. She took the check from me.

"I forgot about that bitch!" she remarked and we shared a look of defeat.

"Papa...can I have a word?" Tiger Lily asked from the doorway. Clare tapped her watch to remind me of my interview.

"Yes...but it needs to be quick...I've got a phone interview in about 15 minutes..." I took a quick drag of my cigarette and then extinguished it as she came into the room and Clare left.

"I want to talk to you about something..." she informed me. "About our family and Christmas..." she referenced. I gave her my full attention and was curious what she was going to say.

"Alright..." I responded. "What is it?" Tiger Lily came up and to my side and looked at me intently.

"I need you to do something...it's really important!" she stated. I nodded at her.

"Okay..." I replied.

"If anyone asks about our holidays plans...tell them you are going on a boating holiday..." she requested. I was surprised by her statement and gave her a funny look.

"But we're not going on a boating holiday..." I responded. She reached up and put her hand on my arm.

"Yes we are...." she told me and pointed at the telephone. "Before you call Daddy back I need you to call Lulu's Mum...." she advised. This was quite odd but I nodded as she handed me a phone number on a piece of paper.

"I have no idea what this is about...but okay..." I told her and she turned and walked from the room wearing a satisfied smile.

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The interviewer called and I relaxed in my chair as I answered his questions about our new Christmas single. It was going to be aired on the radio and they were the usual brief questions.

"Who wrote the song?" the radio DJ asked.

"I did...along with Brian..." I told him. "We don't normally write together but this one just came about unexpectedly..." I left out the part where we got in a competition about writing a Christmas song and the argument that ensued. I grinned as I remembered making up with Brian and ending up in bed.

"There's a lot of competition for Christmas singles...how do you think you will fare? I hear Wham is releasing a single as well..." he questioned.

"I think there is room for everyone to have some success with a Christmas song...I hope Queen is no different..." I said diplomatically. I liked George Michael and didn't want to say anything too dismissive about him.

"What are your plans this holiday Roger?" the interview asked next. I remembered my daughter's words and decided to comply with her wishes. Still unclear what she was going on about.

"I was thinking of taking my family on a boating holiday..." I replied.

"That sounds relaxing..." the interviewer commented. "Roger Taylor...thank you for your time today and best of luck with the single and a Happy Christmas to you and yours..." he told me.

"Thanks Richard..." I responded. "Happy Christmas to all your listeners..." I added. We finished the call and I hung up and grabbed the piece of paper with the phone number on it. Tigs had reminded me her mother's name is Melanie. I did remember and dialed the number with great curiosity.

Brian's POV

Why did I buy this house? Because I need room for all the stuff I apparently own. I keep reminding myself of this as I went through all the boxes of things that had been transported from my real home to here. Roger and Clare had kindly packed my effects and a moving company had brought them all a few days ago. I had handled the critical things first. Jimi's room was top of the list. Once we had his furniture and clothes and books and toys arranged, he felt more at home. That helped me relax a little.

I was now trying to unpack all my things and was shocked at the number of boxes there actually are. I had laughed when I found a box that was marked 'Penguins' and opened it to find the array of penguin items fans had sent me over the years. Some of the items were over 10 years old. I had found it touching that so many plushies, pins, drawings and crafts were in the giant cardboard container. I began pulling the items out and reminiscing about those earlier years in the band. It helped my mood since I was missing Roger so much. And Tiger Lily.

The doorbell rang and I knew who it probably was as I went downstairs to the front door. It was my Mother. I smiled at the sight of her and opened the door.

"Hi!" I told her. She smiled at me as I got out of her way so she could come inside.

"Hello dear..." she replied and began looking around. She and my father had come by a few days ago to see the place and to see Jimi. I knew she was checking my progress on unpacking.

"I've been upstairs going through some boxes..." I told her before she could ask.

"When does the rest of the furniture arrive?" she asked me instead.

"Tomorrow..." I replied. I had written a check for the purchase of the property and was allowed to go ahead and move in since the bank had authorized the payment. The closing would be in two weeks. I had found a home but quickly realized I had no furniture except Jimi's bedroom suite and a spare bed Clare had given the movers from one of our guest rooms. In desperation I called the decorator Roger and I had used. I asked her to come over and decide what we needed and to order the furniture locally so we wouldn't have to wait. She had come through and arranged it all for me. She had even found me a desk for my office and a chair. I was grateful. She then pointed out I had no house linens or kitchenware. I felt overwhelmed at setting up a household on my own. After a tearful call to Clare last night , she assured me she would find me some help. I missed having her around. Clare is beyond brilliant and I trusted she would deliver.

"Clare called last night and told me you needed some help so I took the liberty of doing some shopping for you...the things are in the car..." my mother announced. I burst into a relieved smile hearing these words. My mother had learned to drive in the past year and had gained some independence from my father as a result. She had clearly gone shopping on her own and then drove here. I was impressed.

"Thanks Mum...I really appreciate your help..." I replied gratefully and slipped on my clogs and followed her out to her car. I was glad I had on my jumper as it was getting cold. We carried the boxes and packages from the boot and back seat. I watched as my mother pulled out stacks of towels and bed linens. She took them to the washing machine in the laundry room and put a load in with some soap she had brought with her.

"While these wash, let's unpack your kitchenware and get it washed and put away..." she instructed. We got busy loading the dishwasher and I made us some tea with the electric kettle and two mugs I currently owned.

"You're a lifesaver!" I told her as we took a break and had some tea. Standing in the kitchen since I had no furniture yet.

"I am happy to help...and Clare had me use that credit card you left with me ages ago..." she informed me.

"Clare thinks of everything...just like you do..." I remarked to her. She smiled at me and sipped her tea in a Queen logo mug.

"Yes....Clare is quite capable....she and I both know it's important to get you settled..." she told me.

"Christmas will be here before I know it so having a place will be nice..." I said.

"That is another reason I am here actually..." my mother advised. "I needed to tell you that we are going on a trip for the holidays..." This was news to me.

"Where are you and Dad going?" I questioned.

"You and Jimi are coming too..." she replied. "We are going to Scotland to visit my relatives..." she announced. "I thought that getting away from here for a few weeks would be good for you both..." she told me. I wanted to tell her that I wasn't up to seeing a bunch of relatives I hadn't seen in ages and answering all their questions about my life. It sounded exhausting.

"I don't know..." I started to tell her and she cut me off.

"Brian...you are both coming with us and I won't take no for an answer...." she said firmly. "If you are worried about being interrogated by your Aunt or cousins...I promise that won't happen...okay?" she then advised. I found a smile hearing this and nodded. I felt I owed her this since she was stepping up to help me.

"Alright...we'll go..." I agreed. She looked pleased to hear this and set her mug down and turned to the sink.

"Now let's get these pots and pans sorted..." she declared and opened up the box of cookware.

24th November 1984

London

Brian's POV

"Thanks again for doing this..." I told Chrissie as she stood in my foyer and I pulled on my coat. Chrissie had kindly agreed to come over and be with Jimi while I went for an early morning tv appearance. She smiled at me and waved her hand dismissively.

"I can drop him off at school and then go to the shelter...it's no trouble at all..." she assured me. "I am surprised you have work this early...you always hated doing anything before noon..." she teased. I grinned at her; remembering when she toured with me and how late I always slept in.

"It's the big morning show in Britain and when you've got a new single out...you promote it!" I explained. "Plus...it's a chance to see Roger..." I pointed out. She nodded understanding.

"Then it is completely worth the early hour..." she agreed and we both saw the lights from the hired car in my driveway.

"That's me! Thanks again!" I said and waved as I stepped out the front door and headed for the car. I got in the back and let out a sigh. I was tired but am excited to see Roger this morning at the tv station. My furniture would arrive later today and I felt like things might settle down a bit. I hated my situation but was resigned to how it would be for now. I enjoyed watching the sun rise as I rode to the studio.

I arrived and was guided through the studio to my dressing room. I was already dressed in jeans and a buttoned shirt and blazer and took a chair for hair and makeup. I wondered if Roger had arrived yet and felt a bit antsy to know. A woman came in wearing an apron and came over to me.

"Good morning Mr. May...I'm Judy...." she introduced herself and she quickly groomed my hair while I watched. I was getting some face powder applied when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in..." I stated and the door opened and Roger was standing there wearing a broad smile. He looked so good despite the time of day. I missed seeing him first thing in the morning. I smiled back.

"Morning Bri..." he told me casually. We both tried not to act like it was everything to see each other right now.

"Hey Rog..." I replied nonchalantly.

"If you want to take that chair I will be with you in a moment..." Judy told Roger. He hopped in his own chair and she finished my powder. I could see him eyeing me as she pulled the paper collar from around my neck. "Alright Mr. Taylor...let's get you sorted..." she told him and Roger winked at me as she turned to grab some hair product. "You're welcome to go on to the green room if you like..." Judy suggested to me as she approached Roger. I didn't want to leave his side.

"I'm good...thanks..." I replied. Roger smirked at me as Judy started doing his hair. Roger made small talk with her as she got his hair and makeup done and then she excused us to go to the green room. We headed down the hall and found the door and went inside. I noticed Roger checking the walls and corners for cameras. There weren't any. When I closed the door we met in the middle of the room and held each other. Sharing a slow and meaningful kiss.

"Christ I miss this!" Roger whined to me. I kissed the end of his nose and he swatted at me playfully. "You'll mess my powder up!" he complained. I laughed at him and we both went to have a seat on the sofa together. I wanted nothing more than to pull him into my lap but it was too risky. We just sat with our bodies pressed together at the side. Less risky. I enjoyed the feel of him and his scent. He went to lay his head on my shoulder when the door started opening. He jerked his head up and we made some space between us. Why did they have to come for us so quickly? We didn't even have a chance to really talk!

"Gentlemen...we're ready for you..." the assistant advised. We got up and followed her out. The show presenters were finishing up a segment and then we were signaled to stand at the ready.

"Now we'd like to welcome two of the members of the rock group Queen...here are Brian May and Roger Taylor!" Nick Owen, the presenter announced. Roger and I walked on to the set and had a seat as we smiled for the presenters and the camera. A snippet of our Christmas song was playing as we got settled. "Good morning!" he greeted.

"Good morning..." Roger and I said in unison. Seated as close as we dared on the sofa.

"You're here today to talk about a new single from Queen..." Nick stated. "It's a first for the band! A Christmas song!" Roger and and I nodded and smiled and he answered for us.

"Yes...it is our first go at a Christmas number..." Roger confirmed. "Brian and I wrote the song in the summer and we finished recording it when our tour ended a few months ago..." he advised.

"Had you considered having a Christmas song in the past or was this your first attempt at it?" Nick questioned. "A lot of groups have done it..."

"It's really our first attempt at it..." I answered. "We actually had two different songs we were considering...another one is something I had written and Roger and I worked on both and decided this was the one to offer up to the group..." I explained. "Freddie's been busy recording some solo work so he did the vocals in Munich..."

"Now three of you have had solo material in Queen...do you see yourselves continuing to do solo work in between Queen projects?" Nick asked us.

"I do...I enjoy the outlet for my own ideas and developing songs I feel don't fit the Queen mold..." Roger responded.

"I think it's good to get to do your own thing if you want and them come back to the group with that itch scratched..." I commented.

"Let's hope there are many years still ahead for your group..." Nick said cordially. "When is the single being released?" he asked next.

"November 26th..." I replied.

"Good luck with the record...and do you have any plans for your holidays?" he asked us both. Roger leaned forward a little.

"I'm going on a boating trip with my family..." Roger announced. It was news to me. I tried not to sound surprised hearing this and forced a smile. I then remembered I had a trip of my own.

"I'll be headed up to Scotland..." I replied. I noticed that Roger didn't seem to react to this news.

"Have a wonderful time and thanks for coming on the show today!" Nick declared.

"Thanks for having us..." Roger told him and I smiled and nodded. Nick turned to the camera to speak about the next segment with his co-presenter and we were signaled to get up from the sofa. We walked from the set and were guided down the hallway. I saw the door for the toilet and decided to get a minute alone with Roger.

"I'll be a minute..." I told the assistant and glanced at Roger as I walked to the bathroom door. He got the hint and followed me. We stepped inside and I immediately checked under the stalls for any occupants. They were empty. Roger closed the door and leaned against it to block entry.

"You're going boating at Christmas?" I instantly asked him. Confused at the news. His expression changed and he wore a smug grin.

"Yes...and you're going to Scotland..." he whispered and leaned forward a bit. "At least that is what the public and my Father will think..." he suddenly revealed. I was confused by his statement.

"But my Mother told me we are going to Scotland.." I replied and he shook his head.

"You're telling everyone you're going there...but you're really going somewhere else..." he clarified. "You're mother didn't tell you that because you needed to sound believable on tv because you're a bad liar..." he informed me. I was offended by his statement but couldn't be mad since he had that adorable smirk on his face. I leaned closer to him to whisper back.

"What exactly is going on?" I questioned. He got closer to me and gave me his best smile.

"If anyone asks...anyone...tell them you are going to Scotland with your parents and Jimi..." he instructed. "You are going to leave like you are going there...but you are headed somewhere else...a secret destination..." he stated. "It has been arranged by an outside party since we don't know who we can trust in our own company right now..." Roger explained. "We will meet up there and have the holiday together...in absolute secrecy..." I smiled back hearing this. Heartened to hear there was a plan for us to be together. I had a lot of questions.

"Who is this outside party?" I asked him.

"It's Lulu's Mother....Melanie Everett..." he answered. "You won't believe this but Tiger Lily is the one who approached her about helping hatch a plan to get us together for Christmas..." I was surprised by this news. Impressed at her ingenuity and her love of our family. I actually began to feel emotional thinking about it.

"I miss her so much..." I told him and he reached up and wiped at the tears evident in my eyes.

"She misses you too babe..." he replied and we shared a warm expression. "We need to go..." he said and turned to look at the door. "We can talk more about this tonight..."

I nodded understanding and we quickly shared a kiss before he opened the door. I wore a bright smile as we stepped into the hallway and began our exit from the studio. I expected to feel dreadful as we parted at the studio door, but instead felt excitement and hope as we parted ways and got into our respective vehicles to go home.

26th November 1984

London

Roger's POV

I was woke by my private telephone ringing in my bedroom. I groaned as I rolled over to answer it. Not really awake and wondering if it was Brian calling for some reason.

"Hello..."

"Turn on the television to Good Morning Britain!" Deacy said urgently in the phone. For a moment my heart pounded and I wondered what had made the morning news and caused him enough alarm to call me.

"Hang on!" I said as I reached for my remote and turned on the television. It was already on the right television station. I instantly saw footage of a lot of high profile musicians standing together and they appeared to be singing as a group. There was Bob Geldolf, who I had met several times at functions, Sting, Bono, Simon LeBon, the members of Bananarama, Paul Weller and Phil Collins! What the fuck were they doing?

"What is all this?" I questioned to Deacy as I watched the television.

"I'll tell you what it is....it's a kiss goodbye to our Christmas single being a hit!" Deacy responded. "This is footage from yesterday at Sarm West Studio in Notting Hill! All those performers just recorded a new single for Christmas to raise money for the famine in Africa!" he explained.

"Fuck!" I responded and stared gobsmacked at the screen. "Why the fuck weren't we invited?" I wanted to know. Deacy sighed heavily in the phone.

"You know why!" he retorted. "Sun City!" he reminded me. I wanted to launch the phone across the room. Here was the best in British pop gathered to make a historic record for charity and we were left out! I knew most of these people. Had met them at concerts, award shows, charity functions. My anger regarding our decision to play South Africa tripled as I watched the rest of the feature on the morning show.

"Who was in charge?" I asked Deacy since I missed the first part of the story.

"Bob Geldof and Midge Ure..." he confirmed. I slid my hand into the neck of my shirt and rubbed at my shoulder. Trying to remain calm. I wanted to yell at someone but won't take it out on Deacy. This wasn't his fault. We had received a lot of flack from other performers over us going to play in South Africa. The Musician's Union also notified us we had violated their guidelines by performing there. Brian went and made a speech on our behalf to protest the charges but they wouldn't budge and we were fined in the end. Queen paid up and the furor died down a bit. But I guess they felt we were still too problematic to include in this.

"We should be there!" I argued to Deacy. "When Freddie finds out he will be furious!" I remarked.

"I was going to call him next..." Deacy advised. I didn't envy that task.

"Better you than me!" I told him. "He'll take it better from you..." I pointed out. Deacy made a scoffing sound.

"At least it will be over the phone so I won't have to see his face..." Deacy said. We both knew how he would be. "You'll tell Brian?" he questioned.

"Yeah...I'll tell him..." I confirmed. "We may lose out on a hit song but I won't let that ruin my holiday....this might be the last one my family has together for a long while..." I said with conviction. "And I intend to make the most of it..."

***To be continued***

Chapter Text

17th December 1984

London

Brian's POV

"I don't know if you heard...but we won't be at Rock In Rio..." Joe Elliott told me as we caught up with each other at a London party thrown by EMI records. I was disappointed to hear this. I had hoped to spend some time with him in Rio since I couldn't be with Roger. Def Leppard was so big right now that it was a surprise they weren't going.

"What happened?" I asked him. Joe ran his hand through his messy blond hair. It kind of reminded me of Roger.

"We're trying to get work done on our new album and to be honest...we really could use a break..." he responded. "You know how it is...when you're on the road constantly...it wears on you a bit..." he explained. I did understand and nodded.

"I hear you...after 10 years on the road...I completely understand needing a break.." I advised. "I will miss seeing you in Rio...." I confessed to him. Joe wrapped his arm around me and smiled warmly.

"I know..." Joe replied. "We could have really turned that place upside down!" Joe suggested as he raised his glass to me. I smiled back. Knowing we would have done some serious partying at the music festival. I finished the drink in my hand as Joe laughed.

"I guess we can make up for it tonight!" I proposed. Joe had a gleam in his eye hearing this and pulled me with him towards the bar.

"Let's get right to it then!" Joe announced as we reached the bar and demanded fresh drinks.

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"We're here!" Joe informed me as the car we were riding in came to a stop. I pulled myself from the slumped position I was in next to him in the back seat and saw my house in front of us.

"I guess this is me..." I mumbled to him. Joe patted my back as I slid from the seat towards the door. The driver had got out and was opening the door for me. I turned and saluted my brother in rock and my brother in drink tonight. "Have a Happy Christmas..." I told Joe and stumbled from the car as I headed to my front door.

"You too mate! Say hello to the guys for me!" Joe called out as I reached my door. I tried to fish my keys from my pocket and then heard the front door being opened. Chrissie appeared in the doorway and peered up at me.

"Welcome home..." she told me quietly as she made room for me to step inside. Joe's car took off as I made my way into the house and Chrissie closed the door behind me.

"Sorry..." I mumbled as I slid off my clogs in the front hallway. I felt Chrissie eyeing me as she watched me fumble with my coat and hang it on the coat tree.

"You're drunk..." she stated. I nodded to her and placed my finger over my lips to request she be quiet. I didn't want to wake Jimi. She only grinned at me. Apparently amused at my drunken demeanor. "C'mon then...let's get you to bed..." she directed. She took hold of my hand and began to guide me up the stairs. It was awkward because of our size difference. I hit my foot a few times on the step in front of me and almost laughed at how silly I felt trying to climb the stairs with someone so short guiding me.

"You're short..." I told her and she turned and gave me a surprised look.

"Maybe you're just too tall..." she quipped back in a whisper. I snickered at her comment as we reached the landing and walked the few steps to my room. "I'm going to sleep downstairs tonight and make sure you're okay..." Chrissie told me as I pulled off my jacket and she folded the bedclothes back on the mattress. I plopped down and tried to unzip my jeans. She didn't need to stay. I was drunk but not impaired. Well, not too much.

"I'll be fine..." I told her as I managed to undo the zipper and tried to shimmy out of my tight jeans. She stood and watched me as I kicked my clothes away and turned to crawl under the blanket. Chrissie pulled the covers up over me as I laid against the pillow and closed my eyes. Already feeling sleep taking over.

"Sweet dreams Brian..." I heard her tell me as I drifted off.

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I was disoriented when I woke. It was daylight out and I slowly sat up and recognized I was in my bed in my new house. I wasn't in my real home and I was alone in my bed. I glanced at the clock and realized it was 10:45. Shit! Jimi had to get to school! I threw the covers back and got up from the bed. Feeling the ills of my drinking last night as I stumbled out my door and down the hall. Jimi's room door was open and his bed was empty.

"Jimi!" I shouted as I headed for the stairs to check downstairs. I got halfway down when Chrissie appeared at the bottom. Dressed for the day and wearing a smile.

"Good morning!" she stated. "I got Jimi off to school..." she informed me. I was relieved to hear it and let out a sigh as I ran my hand over my face. I also realized I was only wearing my briefs but then remembered she had seen all of me before so I let it go.

"Thanks..." I told her gratefully. "I appreciate it..." I said. "You stayed with him while I was at that party and now this...I really owe you...' I told her and turned to go back upstairs. Trying to figure out a way to show my gratitude. "Let me get around and I'll take you for some lunch..." I suggested.

"I've actually got something cooking downstairs..." she replied. I smiled at her thoughtfulness.

"You think of everything..." I remarked. She seemed a little embarrassed.

"I like being helpful..." she confessed. "Go ahead and clean up and lunch should be ready in a half hour or so..." I nodded and turned to go back to my room. Wanting a shower and some headache medicine.

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Despite my hangover the lunch tasted really good. I managed to eat every bite of my toasted cheese and tomato sandwich and her homemade vegetable soup was delicious. Chrissie sat across from me and we talked about Christmas traditions. She was going to visit her parents for the holiday and I was of course headed off for a secret getaway. On Roger's insistence I had told her the same story as I did everyone else. I was going to Scotland with my parents. She knew nothing about all the plans we had made.

"Do you need help packing?" Chrissie asked me as we carried our dishes to the kitchen sink.

"Now packing is one thing I've become an expert at!" I reminded her. She laughed at my remark. Forgetting that I had spent a decade packing for tours. "I'll get these dishes since you made lunch..." I told her.

"Alright..." she replied. "I probably need to go anyway...I've got finish some things I'm making for the teen shelter for Christmas..." she advised. I admired her dedication to her volunteer work.

"You're a good person Chrissie...thanks for all your help...I mean it..." I said as she reached for her handbag. I walked out with her to the front door and helped her with her coat.

"If I don't see you and Jimi before you leave...have a lovely trip..." she told me. "I know the holidays will be hard this year since you're not with your whole family...but I hope you can find some joy where possible..." she said with warmth.

"Thanks...and you have a nice holiday as well..." I replied. She reached up and kissed my cheek.

"Happy Christmas..." she said and walked out the door.

20th December 1984

The day finally arrived and I woke with a sense of excitement and also some anxiety. Jimi had finished school the day before and we had gone out for a farewell dinner with his one close friend from Fairhope. We finalized our packing for our holiday trip and went to bed. Jimi went to sleep and I laid there most of the night with a mix of elation and dread. It was soon time to rise and we got ready and headed out for our adventure.

"How long is the flight to Scotland?" Jimi asked as we rode in the limo to my parents house. We had decided not to tell Jimi the actual plans until today. I needed to make sure he told a consistent story to people when asked about his holiday travel.

"It's about 90 minutes..." I responded as we turned down Walsham Road towards my childhood home. The limo stopped and the driver got out to open my door. I walked to my parent's front door and we both assisted them with their suitcases. I exchanged excited glances with my mother and my father remained reserved as he focused on locking up the house and securing their things in the boot of the limo. We all got in the back and Jimi nestled up to my Mother as the driver took off for Heathrow airport.

"You ready for an adventure?" my mother asked Jimi. He nodded and smiled at her. Eager to visit somewhere he had never been. I felt bad it was only a diversionary trip. We soon unloaded at the airport departure entrance and checked in with British Air. After securing our boarding passes we walked down the main concourse. I made a point to scout out any photographers. They often hung out looking for a chance at a photo of famous people coming and going in the airport. We were in luck. I spotted a man I had seen there before. He walked towards us wearing a satisfied smile. Happy to get a shot of someone.

"Brian! You off on holiday?" the man asked as we got closer to each other. He held up his camera and was asking for permission for a photo.

"I am...I'd prefer it if you left my son out of the picture..." I requested. I wanted my picture taken to show me leaving with my parents but I didn't want Jimi included. The man nodded and my father guided Jimi behind him as the man lifted up his camera and took a few shots of me and my parents. Protecting my son.

"Going somewhere nice I hope..." the man remarked. I smiled at him. Glad to offer up the information.

"We're off to Scotland to see family..." I announced. The man nodded understanding as we passed by. "Happy Christmas..." I called out to be friendly. He did the same as we headed for our gate. I was relieved to find our flight was on time. We boarded and then lifted off for Edinburgh. I was fidgety the entire flight. Anxious to get past this part of the trip and head to our actual destination.

"Calm down..." My mother told me when she saw me shifting my body in my seat. She patted my arm and smiled at me. "It will all work out..." she assured me. I nodded agreement and sighed a little as I checked my watch. Eager to get on the next leg of our journey.

------------------------------------

We landed in Edinburgh and collected our luggage. I walked with my heart beginning to pound as we saw my cousin Graham standing in the airport arrivals area. He wore a broad smile and welcomed me with a hug.

"Christ Brian! It's been ages!" he exclaimed as we embraced. He then caught sight of my son. "If he isn't the spitting image of you...save for your curls!" he remarked with amusement as I introduced them.

"Graham Fletcher...I'd like you to meet my son...Jimi May..." I stated. "Jimi...this is my cousin...Graham..." I explained as Jimi shook his hand and looked at him with curiosity.

"Are we going to stay with you?" Jimi asked him. Graham and I exchanged a glance of understanding as he guided us to the airport exit.

"No...we've got a surprise for you!" I informed Jimi as we loaded the luggage in the back of the rented van and Graham got in the driver's seat.

"Here we go!" Graham announced as he pulled into the traffic and headed for our destination. Jimi looked out the window to take in what he could of the area around the airport. I felt bad he wouldn't see Scotland this trip.

"Jimi...we're not going to stay in Scotland..." I revealed to him. "You and me and Nana and Big are going to an airfield to catch another plane..." I explained. "We're actually going somewhere else for Christmas..." Jimi's face showed surprise.

"Where are we going?" he asked. I smiled widely as my cousin looked at him in the rearview mirror. Enjoying being part of the ruse.

"We're going to Switzerland..." I divulged. Jimi appeared confused.

"Why didn't we just fly to Switzerland from London?" he questioned.

"Because this trip is a secret..." I advised. "No one should know that we went somewhere else..." I told him. "If anyone asks when we get home...you need to say you went to visit family in the countryside in Scotland..."

"Why?" he questioned. I felt bad we were asking him to lie.

"Because we don't want Mr. Taylor finding out where we are going..." I said and his face showed recognition. His mouth opened a little and he appeared alarmed.

"Oh!" he said and looked at my parents. "But you're coming along?" Jimi asked them. They nodded to him.

"Yes...we're coming along with you..." my Father assured him. Jimi smiled and relaxed.

"Alright..." he said agreeably. I realized he hadn't registered that we would be joining Roger and Tiger Lily and Mia there. I decided to leave that as a surprise. My parents seemed to understand this as well.

"So tell me what it's like being an international rock star!" Graham asked me with amusement. I grinned at him. He was always a cheeky sod. I knew Roger would adore him. They really needed to meet sometime. I hoped it would be sooner rather than later.

"It's terrible!" I complained sarcastically as Graham chuckled at me.

"We've been to Japan!" Jimi boasted to him. Graham appeared impressed as he turned quickly to look at Jimi through his mirror.

"I bet you will have been around the world before you're fully grown!" Graham commented. Jimi nodded with pride. I was glad to see he at least enjoyed traveling with me when school permitted.

"I've never been to Switzerland..." Jimi pointed out.

"Well that's about to change..." I replied and shared an excited grin with my son.

ROGER POV

"Did you tip off that tabloid photographer?" I asked Crystal as we walked from my house to the waiting car. He nodded as he opened the limo door for me.

"Oh yeah...they will be there..." he assured me. I smiled at my friend. He always came through for me. I pulled an envelope from my pocket and handed it to him. Hoping he would enjoy the surprise I had for him.

"What's this?" he asked as he took the envelope.

"It's your Christmas bonus and also your new contract as my personal assistant..." I revealed. Crystal's mouth fell open as he pulled out the check for 1000 pounds and a two page document advising what I expected from him as my new personal assistant. He was in shock.

"But what about Clare?" he asked me in disbelief.

"Clare and her boyfriend Malcolm are getting pretty serious and she has decided to move in with him in London...she will still handle our mail and day to day business, but more than ever I need someone I trust to take care of me...keep my secrets...especially on tour..." I explained. I do need someone I can trust and Crystal has always been there. We shared a look of respect between us as I stuck out my hand to him. "So?" I asked him. He let out a sound of elation.

"Fuck yeah I will!" Crystal practically shouted and shook my hand. "Thanks Rog!" he told me sincerely. He gestured at the limo. "You better get going boss!" he told me with a wink. Already looking after me.

"Happy Christmas..." I told him as I slid in the back with Tiger Lily and Mia. Crystal waved to us as we rode from the house and Tiger Lily waved back and then leaned into my side and took my hand.

"Here we go!" she said wearing an excited smile. Mia looked at us with her own jubilant grin and I squeezed my daughter close.

"Here we go!"

--------------------------------

We picked up Dominique and headed to the airport. I took her hand in mine as we walked into the departure area. Keeping a subtle lookout for the photographer. We got checked in and Dom and Tigs and Mia and myself began the stroll to our gate. Sure enough the photographer appeared and took some photos from a distance before he came up to us.

"Heading out for the holidays?" the man asked me as we kept walking. Mia had a tight grip on Tiger Lily's hand.

"Yes...were headed out to sail around the Canary Islands..." I advised casually as the man walked with us.

"What are your bandmates up to?" he questioned. I shrugged as I kept walking. Acting unsure.

"You'd have to ask them..." I said blandly and gestured for us to hurry up. "Sorry...we're meeting someone and need to move along..." I told the man. He nodded as he pulled out his notebook to jot down my whereabouts and who I was with. I wore a smug grin as we headed for the gate. My mother and Trevor were waiting on us. We greeted them with hugs and went to wait for the flight in the first class lounge.

"Everything going according to plan?" Trevor asked. I nodded to him as the hostess brought us some drinks.

"So far so good..." I replied and we shared a smile and sipped our coffee.

--------------------------------

After our flight to Paris we quietly left the commercial airport and were driven to a private airfield. Having Dom along was vital since she was French and spoke the language. She was also my cover with the press. My girlfriend going on holiday with me and my family. Tiger Lily had told Melanie about Dom and when she learned she was French she said we should bring her into the plan. Dom had advised us that she knew of a chalet we could use on the border of France and Switzerland. One her family had stayed in before. It was large enough to house the family and a nearby village provided everything we needed. She assured us most of the people living there would not be familiar with British pop music and the possibility of us being recognized was minimal. We had made some plans for that contingency as well.

We boarded the private plane and took off for Bern, Switzerland. It wasn't going to be a long flight and everyone was relaxed but excited about getting to our holiday hideaway. Before we landed we all donned our winter hats, scarves and gloves. Preparing for the frigid temperatures. It was a smooth landing and we found three Range Rovers lined up for our group near the tarmac. Just as Dom had arranged. Trevor and I loaded up the luggage and I drove one with Dom and Tiger Lily and Trevor drove the other with Mia and my mother. The third car was waiting for Brian and his group. It was about 20 minutes to the chalet that sat outside the village of Mt. Serein. The drive was scenic with the nearby mountains and about 8 inches of fresh snow.

"This is the house..." Dom announced as we drove up a paved road that was half covered with snow. Over on the right was a beautiful wood and stone structure. I admired the location. It being settled at the foot of the mountains. Far enough away to avoid avalanches according to Dom. Quiet and private. Just what we needed.

"Oh!" Tigs declared with wonder as we pulled up the parking area for the house. "Can I go out on the balcony?" she asked as I turned off the engine and saw Trevor pull in behind me.

"We need to get everything inside..." I pointed out. "You can manage a case..." I told her. She walked with me to the back and took one of the lighter cases for me. Dom went to open the house as Tiger Lily and I followed.

"Watch your step!" I reminded the others as we crossed over an icy patch near the door. Dom unlocked the doors with the key and we stepped inside. It was a large sized sitting room with a massive fireplace and a long dining table off to the side.

"This looks relaxing..." I told Dom as we sat down the luggage. "Really nice..." I commented. We returned to get the rest of the bags and I found myself getting excited about all of us being here. This was going to happen and we would be together. The others came inside and we carried some cases upstairs as Dom showed us around. The first thing she showed us was one of two shared bathrooms.

"This room is for the children and Mia..." Dom advised as we walked past a room with bunk beds and a single bed inside. Mia herded Tiger Lily in to get situated. "I thought your parents or The Mays could use this one..." she remarked as we looked at a cozy room with a double bed. My mother went in and sat down her case.

"It's lovely dear...we will be fine in here..." she advised as Trevor joined her. We walked past a large bathroom and then another room with a double bed that the Mays could sleep in and then a room with two single beds.

"I can sleep here and Mia can as well if she wants a break from the children..." Dom explained as she dropped her suitcases on the bed. We went to the last door at the end of the hall and I looked inside. It was the master suite. For Brian and myself. It was the largest bedroom and had a double bed and the balcony entrance was in this room. There was a separate bathroom as well.

"This is great...thanks Dom!" I told her gratefully. I set down my luggage and headed out to check on everyone else and prepare to return to the tiny airport. They were all unpacking so I took Dom and Tigs and we got in the Rover to go back to meet the rest of the family.

I smoked a cigarette on the way and felt restless. Wanting them to be here and for us to be together finally. Dom had opted to drive and I appreciated the offer as I took a look at the area and found it tranquil. We pulled into airfield and parked next to the other Rover. I got out and paced about. Wanting another smoke but decided to wait until later. I got a piece of gum from Dom and kept a close eye on the skies for the plane.

"There it is!" Dom shouted as I turned to see a small plane coming in towards the landing strip. We remained by the cars and watched as the small jet touched down and slowed and steered its way to the edge of the field. There was a pilot and flight attendant I needed to be mindful of so I remained by the car as the door was opened and the stairs pulled down. My heart was pounding as I first saw Harold then Jimi and then Ruth get out of the plane. The attendant came out and then I saw my husband. He instantly looked around and spotted me. I waved slightly to show I saw him looking at me and he wore a broad smile that matched my own as he helped with the luggage on board the plane. I had on my hat and glasses partly as a disguise and decided to go help with the cases.

"Let me get that..." I told Ruth as Dom came up behind me and grabbed Jimi's as I took the one Ruth had. She smiled at me.

"It's lovely to see you..." she whispered to me as I kept watch on the attendant and pilot. Hoping they wouldn't recognize me.

"This is everything..." the pilot advised as the flight attendant got back on board the plane. Brian shook the pilot's hand and he didn't even bother giving me a second look as he returned up the stairs and pulled them up to take off. I was relieved when the plane roared to life again and it began turning so it could head back down the runway.

Brian rushed up to me and threw his arms around me. I made a sound of relief and delight to be in his arms again. He lifted me off the ground as we shared a quick kiss and gazed at each other. Disbelieving we would have the next week together; but so happy to have it.

"Daddy!" Tiger Lily shouted as she ran from the car over to us. Brian let me go and wore a teared filled smile as he swooped our big girl up in his arms. She laughed with joy at being in his embrace again.

"Tiger Lily! I've missed you!" he said in an emotional voice as he pressed kisses to her face and she laughed at him.

"I've missed you too..." she told him and they just stood looking at each other and soaking in their presence. Jimi came running up to me and I knelt down on one knee and took him in my arms. Ignoring the snow covered ground as I took in the feel of him. He wrapped his arms around me and I heard him make a sobbing sound as I too got emotional.

"My little man!" I said to him as I stroked his hair and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "God I've missed you!" I said as I felt some tears escape my eyes. Jimi sniffled against my neck.

"Missed you too Pops..." he told me sweetly.

"We should get going...it's starting to snow..." Harold announced. We let go of each other and began to load the luggage in the cars. Everyone got in and Dom drove one with Ruth and Harold and I got in one and followed her with Brian and the kids. Tiger Lily and Jimi were chatting about the snow and the view as we rode to the house.

"This is beautiful..." Brian remarked as I drove. I turned and smiled at him and saw his face full of happiness and felt heartened we were finally together. We arrived and another reunion took place since all of us were here now. After lots of hugs and kisses and a few tears we all tried to settle in. Everyone got the suitcases in their rooms and Ruth and my mother invaded the kitchen to inspect it with Mia right behind them.

"I think we need to go to a market..." my mother announced. Dom came downstairs and smiled at the women.

"Make a list and I will take you..." she advised as she winked at me. I was grateful for her help on this trip. With the language barrier and with a cover story. The women got busy preparing a list and the men carried in some more wood for the large fireplace in the living room. The kids ran about the house checking out every room and the balcony. As I was stacking some wood I saw Dom say something to Harold and then Trevor. They both nodded agreement to whatever she said to them.

"We are going with them to the market..." Harold advised Brian and myself as we went to wash up from bringing in the wood. I saw Trevor speaking to my mother and figured there was a conspiracy in leaving us alone for a while. It was fine by me. Ruth and my mother got their coats and dressed to head out as Dom came over to me. Mia went out to start one of the cars.

"We should be gone for about two hours..." she stated. "The village is about 20 minutes away from here..." she explained with a smile. "I thought you might enjoy some time alone...just you and Brian and the kids..." she said as he pulled on her coat.

"Thanks Dom..." I said as Brian came down the stairs. "They are heading out to the market..." I advised my husband as the others and Dom disappeared out the door.

"The kids are playing in their room..." Brian told me. "They found some board game in the closet..." he said as I took his hand and walked him to the massive sofa. He smiled as he sat down and I plopped down in his lap. Missing this and the feel of his arms around me. The safest place in the world in my book.

"Hey..." I said to him as we looked each other in the eyes. Enjoying the quiet and just being together. He leaned in and kissed me and smiled.

"Hey..." he said back as we kissed some more. Taking it easy and taking our time. Savoring the intimacy.

"I missed this...and I've missed you..." I told my husband between lazy kisses.

"Me too..." Brian responded as our lips parted only to barely speak. He leaned back and took me with him as he held me close and we pressed ourselves together. Not interested in anything sexual; just interested in being close. His aftershave smelled heavenly and we both played with each others hair. Missing these little things and glad to be able to do them again.

"Papa!" I heard my daughter shout as the sound of feet thundering down the stairs got my attention.

"Daddy!" my son yelled as they both came barreling our way. Brian let go of me enough for us to turn and look at them as they arrived in front of us.

"Yes?" I asked them as they stood there smiling at us. Tiger Lily held up an album for us to see.

"Look what we found!" she said as her and Jimi laughed. I leaned closer to see what it was and saw it was a copy of our album Sheer Heart Attack. Brian and I smirked at each other.

"We travel all this way to hide from the world and you are here 30 minutes and find a bloody Queen record!" I grumbled as my daughter and son giggled at us.

'She's a killer Queen!' Tiger Lily and Jimi started singing at us. I growled at them and leaned over and reached for a decorative pillow on the sofa to throw at them. Brian laughed as he caught my arm to stop me.

"Stop it!" he chided to me as I dropped the pillow. He held my arms as he looked at me with a broad smile.

'Guaranteed to blow your mind!' the kids sang and Brian joined in. I couldn't resist and Brian and I both jumped in for the next bit.

'Anytime!'

TO BE CONTINUED

Chapter Text

23rd December 1984

Switzerland

Brian's POV

It seemed like a dream. Maybe it was. We all arrived safely and were soon forgetting about our problems back home in England. Lost in the fantasy that our time here was like it once was; before Roger's father destroyed our happiness. I was so grateful to Melanie, Lulu's mother, and to Dom, who both assisted in arranging this secret getaway.

I brought some more wood into the house and set it on the rack by the large fireplace. Mia and Dom were doing a puzzle at the large table and talking. The children were in the kitchen with my mother and Winnie baking cookies. Trevor was out on the front porch with my father and Roger as they both smoked cigarettes. I added some wood to the existing fire and stoked it a little. I set the poker back in the stand and enjoyed the warmth from the hearth as the door opened up and Roger came inside.

"Bri...go get your hat and let's take a drive..." he told me. We both grabbed our wallets and he got a set of car keys and we headed out and got in one of the Land Rovers. It had snowed this morning but the roads were passable. Roger was adept at driving in it so I relaxed and we drove down the valley into the nearby village. I pulled on my knitted cap and tucked my hair up inside it. Roger grabbed his and did the same and we both snickered at each other as we left the car and strolled into the shopping district. It felt silly to wear a kind of disguise but it was nice to not be recognized and just enjoy being out together and letting go of the worry of being discovered.

"It would be perfect if I could hold your hand..." Roger told me as we walked towards the busier part of the village. I smiled at him and wished I could just grab his hand. It was two days until Christmas and the shops were bustling with people. Scrambling to finish their shopping and not paying any notice to two British men who were kind of famous back home. Roger took me to a small cafe where were knew the owner spoke English and we went inside and found a table in a corner. He went to the counter and got us some nice rich coffees and pastries and carried them back to the table.

"This one has almonds in it..." he told me as he placed the pastry in front of me. It looked divine.

"Thanks..." I replied as I took a bite and enjoyed the chocolate and cream and almond flavors. Roger had a raspberry and cream chocolate confection and we both tasted a bite of each others treat. We sat and sipped our coffee and enjoyed being in each others company and the world not noticing us.

"Do you need to do any shopping?" Roger asked as we finished our drinks. I shook my head. We had decided to skip presents since our real gift was being together. The adults were not buying for each other and there were some things we had brought along for the kids to open Christmas morning. While we had all the money we needed to buy whatever presents we wanted, this holiday felt more precious than anything we could have placed under a tree.

We left the cafe and strolled casually down the sidewalk and window shopped. Roger led me back to the car and took off for a drive in a different direction from the house. The scenery was blissful. Snow peaked mountains in the distance and the wooded areas nearby were draped in fresh fallen snow. The temperature was cold but not bone chilling. There was some sun peeking through and warming us a little in the car as we drove. We hardly spoke for a while. Silent in the splendor of the setting we were in.

"I want to talk to you about something and I want you to hear me out..." Roger suddenly stated. I turned to look at him and saw him eyeing me with a serious expression.

"Okay..." I replied and was curious what he was going to say.

"I think it's pretty clear there is no easy way out of the situation we find ourselves in right now..." he started. "My father has proved to be a worthy adversary and has set himself up with a proper network to keep tabs on us..." I nodded agreement despite hating this truth.

"Do we have any idea who his spy in our ranks might be?" I asked Roger. We had chose not to talk about all this up until now. Not wanting the mention of Michael Taylor dampening our holiday. But I guess we did need to talk about it.

"No...though I did make my offer to Crystal about being my personal assistant and he accepted happily..." Roger advised. "I know we can trust him emphatically..." he mentioned. I did trust Crystal.

"Yes..." I agreed.

"Crystal is going to be watching and listening for us when we head back out on tour...he will find out who it is..." Roger tried to assure me.

"Paul said he would be watching as well..." I reminded him. Roger's face tensed a little.

"There is something about him that bothers me..." Roger blurted out. "For some reason, I just don't trust him when I really think about it..." he remarked.

"I know what you mean..." I concurred. "I think he's a nice enough guy but there is something about him....I don't know what it is..." I said; unable to put my finger on exactly what bothered me about him. I instantly recalled that moment I had with him on the roof in Munich. When he seemed to quite enjoy my discomfort by the roof edge.

"Right..." Roger agreed. "So let's agree we will be wary of him..." Roger proposed. I nodded that I was on board with that.

"Yes..." I responded.

"I want to talk to you about us..." Roger then announced.

"What about us?" I asked him as I wondered what he wanted to say. Roger was silent as he turned down a small road and then pulled the car over into a wide path and stopped. He put the car in park and then turned to look at me.

"We can't be together and since we don't know who is spying on us...we won't be able to do things like this very often..." Roger stated. "My father could live 20 more years Brian!" he said with distaste as he considered the idea. "And his fucking new wife could as well..." he grumbled. He was right. This could go on for a long time. Long after our careers were over.

"That's possible..." I responded as Roger clenched his hands around the steering wheel and then looked at me again. I could see something in his eyes that told me he was going to say something I wouldn't like.

"I worry about you being alone..." Roger said as he let go of the steering wheel and shuffled closer in his seat towards mine. Taking my hand. We laced our fingers together.

"I'm managing..." I tried to say but Roger shook his head.

"I've got Mia and my Mum and Trevor, Clare and Dom to support me and help with Tigs and I know your parents are nearby...but I worry you haven't got someone to watch over you..." he explained. "Jimi has his new school to distract him from all this so I think he will be okay..." he told me. "But I worry you don't have anyone keeping an eye on you and I worry you are going to get depressed again and..." Roger rambled to me. I knew what he was saying and I appreciated his concern. I was somewhat depressed over our circumstances. I was certain Roger was feeling the same way.

"I am sad about how things are right now..." I said honestly. "And I've got some help from Chrissie..." I reminded him. I know he isn't that keen on her but she has been a real support. "I know you don't like her...but she has been there for me..." I added. I could see the tension in Roger's face when I brought up her name. He then nodded to me and tried to soften his expression.

"About Chrissie..." Roger said quietly. "I can't believe I am saying this...but I am glad she is there for you and since she knows about us it is someone you can talk to about everything...she has been discreet and I do appreciate that..." he said sincerely. "And I know she has helped with Jimi and with you getting settled in your new place..." he added as he tried to seem supportive about my friendship with her.

"She has..." I responded. "She has been a good friend..." I stated clearly. Roger nodded agreement but still seemed a bit tense. He looked away from me out the front windscreen and I saw him swallow.

"If you need her as more than a friend...I want to tell you I understand..." Roger said as he avoided looking at me. I knew what he was trying to tell me and I was quite surprised by it.

"You mean as a lover?" I questioned to make sure I was clear what he was saying. He nodded and wouldn't look at me.

"Yes..." he said quietly. "This separation could go on for a long time Brian and I am perfectly aware that as humans we all have needs and want companionship and..." he quickly stated. Trying to get out his meaning behind his statement.

"Roger...I'm not really..." I went to say and he turned and cut me off.

"I just want to tell you that if you end up in bed with her I won't hate you for it!" he blurted out. "She likes you Brian....she always has and as much as I don't like the idea....you are probably safer with her than anyone else..." he explained. "She knows about us...and she will keep our secret..." Roger said as he had a pained look in his eyes. "I know she probably really wants a child and if that happens...well...I will find a way to live with it..." he confessed as he ran his hand through his hair and clearly struggled with the notion.

"Roger..." I said as I prepared to argue this wasn't going to happen. He shook his head.

"You were ready to have me give Dominique a baby so I have to be okay with this if it happens..." Roger said as he gripped the steering wheel.

"I think you are getting way ahead of things..." I argued. "I love you Rog and I don't even want to think about being with someone else...you're acting like we are never going to be together again..." I said as I realized that it might actually be true. It was possible this trip might be it. Doing this was risky and this had managed to work out so far but attempting it again might prove our downfall. I hated this!

"What if this is it?" Roger proposed. "Believe me babe I don't want it to be! But in the real world I know how things go and I am just saying what I need to say so you know where I stand..." he declared. I felt myself getting emotional over the consideration we might never have something like this again.

"So you just want me to sleep with her..." I said in surrender to it.

"I don't want you to sleep with anyone! Just me!" he quickly said and then let out a sound of despair. Clearly hating this as much as I do. "But we have to be realistic..." he pointed out. We were both quiet for a moment. Considering what had been said. "Brian...I love you and I want you to be happy...well as happy as you can be under the circumstances...I just need to know you are being taken care of..." he pleaded to me. He turned to look at me and I pulled his hand from the steering wheel and gripped it.

"I know..." I replied. "I hate this! I hate that we are having to consider all this!" I said in a defeated sigh.

"I just wanted you to know that if something happens with you and Chrissie...I am going to try and accept it...I have to really..." he said with the same defeated tone. "Just promise me a few things..." he then said. "Don't fall in love with her...." he said as he looked at me with those incredible blue eyes that showed it was his worst fear.

"I promise I won't fall in love with her...with anyone else..." I quickly promised. I wouldn't. "You are my true and only love Rog..." I reminded him as I saw tears form in his eyes. I felt them erupt in my own.

"You're mine too..." he said back. "And promise me you'll never marry her or anyone else...even if you have kids..." he then requested. I smiled at him.

"I can't when I'm already married...." I reminded him. He found a small smile in response.

"That's right...you are!" he argued. We both let tears slide down our faces at the realization we were talking about my being with someone else and him accepting it. I then realized if I was going to end up with someone else in my bed then he would as well. I instantly knew who that would be. I didn't like it but it made sense in the way Chrissie made sense to him.

"I know you'll end up with Dom..." I stated as I wiped at my tear stained face. "And I want you to know I will find a way to accept it..." I said quietly. Roger wiped at his own face and nodded agreement.

"She's like Chrissie..." Roger pointed out. "She knows about us and will respect it..." he remarked.

"She is..." I replied. "She's a good person...." I stated to show I liked her. I did like her. She has been a great support to Roger and to us. I couldn't be upset about this. She did want a child and if she provided him companionship I couldn't really hate her.

We both sat silent looking at each other and absorbing the reality we faced in the future. Glad to be together now but feeling a certain sadness thinking about the coming year.

"No matter what happens...I love you and I will always love you and you are the best thing that I have ever had in my life..." I told my husband. "You are more important to me than the band and the money and the accolades..." I reminded him. "Please remember this..." I said as we looked at each other.

"I will babe...it's the same for me...you know that..." he said back. We leaned closer and managed a kiss. A seal to confirm our words and our promises. After a minute we parted and Roger put the car in gear.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore...let's just enjoy the time we have left..." Roger stated as we headed back. Riding in silence and lost in thoughts of what our future held. Together and apart.

24th December 1984

We might have skipped presents but we didn't skip out on food. I sat at the dining table inhaling the fragrance of roasted chicken and roasted vegetables. I wasn't keen on the chicken but the fragrance of the potatoes, leeks and carrots was marvelous. My mother and Winnie delighted in being able to prepare food together again and had prepared every meal with love for the entire family this week.

"It's your turn..." Tiger Lily reminded me as we sat at the table playing a game of Scrabble. I looked back at my tiles and then scanned the board. I quickly found a spot to place down a word. I was surprised by what I was able to spell out. I placed the tiles down with the existing J on the board.

BIJOU

"What's that word?" she asked me as I tallied my score and wrote it down. I smiled at her. Feeling nostalgic as I looked at the word again.

"It means something highly prized or something beautiful and well crafted...something you treasure..." I explained. I felt someone's arms wrap around me and instinctively knew it was Roger standing behind me.

"You're my bijou..." he said to me sweetly. I formed a broad smile as he laid his head on my shoulder and I saw Tiger Lily smile at him. I put my hands over his around my shoulders and squeezed them.

"And you are mine..." I said back as our daughter looked on with a bashful expression. Roger pressed a kiss to my cheek and then walked away and I kept my smile as I gestured at Tiger Lily. "It's your turn..." I told her. She looked down at her tiles as I watched. She then looked up at me with a curious expression.

"Do you and Papa have sex?" she asked me plainly and casually. My jaw dropped upon hearing her question.

"What do you know about sex?" I asked her with my shock evident. She shrugged at me but smiled.

"I hear loads of things at school..." she informed me. "And they talk about it all the time on that show Mia watches..." she stated. I felt she was entirely too young to be aware of such things. My own parents never talked to me about sex and I realized why now. This was incredibly awkward.

"Have you asked Papa about this?" I asked her. Trying to gauge if they had already had this talk and she was just getting my take on things. She shook her head. "Why are you asking me about this right now?" I questioned as it did seem odd that she just brought it up.

"He kisses you and you kiss him and you share a bed..." she explained. "Like those people on tv..." I was surprised that Mia was watching a show filled with sex. She had once told me she wasn't really a sexual person. Maybe she preferred it this way or watched for the drama and ignored the sex bit. I felt a little overwhelmed by my daughter's question and knew I had to be blushing. My face felt warm. I looked around to see if Roger was nearby but he had disappeared. I was on my own.

"Yes...well...we do those things..." I agreed with her statement. She leaned closer and was clearly looking for a more specific answer. "I think you're a little young to talk to about all this..." I stated nervously. She shrugged and looked down at her tiles.

"I'll ask Papa then..." she responded. I decided that maybe it was something we should talk to her about together.

"Let me talk to him and we can talk to you about this later...tonight..." I advised. She nodded and then picked up some tiles and placed them on the board. I saw her word and wanted to laugh. It was:

ODD

I found this such an odd conversation to be having with her.

After dinner everyone gathered to watch a film on the tape player. It was a copy of the film, 'Scrooge,' a remake of 'A Christmas Carol' done in the 1960's. Mia had taped it on the television back home when it aired and brought it for us all to watch. We all sat and sipped some hot chocolate Winnie made and she took the seat next to me. I was distracted by my earlier conversation with Tiger Lily but Winnie grabbed my hand and held it for a while as we watched the film as a family.

When the film ended I helped Winnie grab the empty mugs and carry them into the kitchen. She stood at the sink to start washing them and I placed my stack at her side.

"I can't tell you how happy I am that we are all together..." Winnie remarked as she ran a dish cloth over one of the mugs. "I want you to know I'm sorry for the trouble that's been caused by Michael..." she told me and looked up at me with pain in her eyes.

"It's not your fault Winnie..." I replied quickly. I didn't feel for a moment this was her fault at all. It was his doing alone. Him and his new wife. Hate filled and greedy. "You have nothing to do with this...you are the best Mother in Law and Grandmother....I love you..." I said with conviction to her. She smiled at me despite her eyes showing she might cry.

"I appreciate that..." she told me quietly as she returned her focus on the mugs. "I should have never married that man...but I guess in saying that I never would have had Roger or Clare..." she commented.

"Or Tiger Lily or Jimi..." I reminded her. She looked up at me again and smiled at the mention of her beloved grandchildren.

"Or you Brian...or you..." she said and my heart filled hearing it.

--------------------------------

I finally got a moment to pull Roger aside and walked him to the empty dining room.

"What is it?" he asked me. I felt so awkward about this but we couldn't ignore it.

"Tiger Lily asked me about sex..." I announced. Roger's eyes grew wide and then his face registered a touch of dismay.

"What brought that up?" he questioned.

"She said she sees us kissing and we share a bed and she's seen stuff on the telly and the kids talk about sex at school....so she asked me if we have sex..." I explained. Roger's mouth fell open a bit and it reminded me of my own reaction.

"I doubt she's seen any other men kissing or sharing a bed..." Roger quickly pointed out. I nodded agreement.

"I suppose...but she is still asking...and I told her we would talk to her about it tonight..." I informed him. He looked uncomfortable about it and I could relate.

"Let's just see what she wants to know and we will try and give her some answers she can understand..." Roger advised as he slipped his hand inside his jumper and rubbed at his shoulder. Clearly disconcerted. I nodded agreement. He looked at me for a moment and then sighed heavily. "Fuck! I need a cigarette before we do this!" he declared as he walked out of the room to get his smokes. For once in my life I considered having one as well.

---------------------------

Roger closed the door to our room as Tiger Lily took a seat on the bed next to me. Roger came over and sat on the edge. Leaving some space between us three. We shared a quick look of agreement to proceed.

"Daddy said you asked him if we have sex..." Roger stated as he looked at our daughter. She nodded and he glanced my way for support.

"Do you?" she asked him and turned to look at me as well. She shuffled back further on the bed so she could see us both more easily. Roger cleared his throat and I clutched at the ends of my curls by my neck. Trying to brace myself for what was to come.

"What do you think sex is?" Roger asked her back. I felt that was a good strategy. Figure out exactly what she knows or what she thinks she knows. I was liking my husband's approach!

"I know people kiss..." she responded as she looked at him intently. "And they seem to share a bed too..." she advised. I nodded and so did Roger. This much was pretty accurate.

"Yes...that is generally the case..." Roger told her. "Is there anything else you know they do?" he asked her. She looked a little bashful and then smirked a bit.

"They get naked!" she said and then giggled. Roger couldn't help but smile at her silly reaction to her own words. I formed a moderate grin.

"People do tend to be naked...that's true..." he confirmed. She looked at me wearing that giggly expression and I nodded agreement as she giggled some more. I noticed Roger looking at me and he mouthed the words - 'say something.'

"When people love each other and are attracted to each other romantically..." I began to say and saw Roger egg me on. I kept going. "When people feel that attraction...they sometimes want to express it physically..." I told her. She gave me a curious look as she listened.

"Is that why they get naked and kiss?" she asked me. I shot a look at Roger to continue as I felt out of my depth in answering much more. This was so embarrassing and awkward.

"You're ten years old Tigs!" Roger interjected finally. "You are a long way from falling in love with someone and being attracted to them romantically..." he pointed out. "When you are all grown up and start dating then you will find some of the people you go out with just don't make you feel anything..." he explained. "But then you will meet someone who will make you feel really different!" he said with a gleam in his eye. "They will give you a funny feeling inside and when you are around them you will feel so fucking happy and you will want to be with them all the time!" he told her.

"What kind of feelings?" she questioned. Roger and I stared at each other and smiled.

"Your heart will beat faster when you're around them..." I answered. Roger put his hand over his heart.

"Your stomach will flip flop with butterflies..." he added as we kept looking at each other.

"You can't wipe the stupid smile off your face..." I contributed as I recalled the things we both first felt when we realized we had feelings for each other.

"You almost feel an ache inside when they leave..." Roger told her and I looked at Roger and felt that ache at the notion of us having to leave each other in a few days.

"So then you want to be physical with them?" she then asked us. This was the trickier part of the conversation. I looked at Roger for guidance.

"So that starts with kissing and holding hands and lots of hugging..." Roger told her and sounded so mature and in control of the situation. I was impressed as I felt like a nervous wreck each time she asked something new. That curious look came over her face again.

"You have to be naked to do that?" she questioned. Roger and I shared another look of slight dismay. He cleared his throat again before he answered. I felt like an idiot as I sat there almost mute.

"When you're really grown up and want to be closer to someone you are falling in love with or are in love with you do other things with each other...but you are too young sweetheart for us to talk to you about that now..." he told her in a caring voice. She seemed a touch disappointed to know she wasn't going to hear more.

"He's right...you need to be older before we talk about the rest..." I agreed as Roger appeared glad to have my support. She sighed and then turned to look at me.

"But is that where babies are made?" she asked me. I nodded to her as I felt she was entitled to at least know this.

"Yes..." I finally vocalized to her. Her curious face returned again.

"Can you and Daddy have a baby?" she asked me. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die at this point. I wondered if it showed on my face.

"Sweetheart...only a man and woman being together can create a baby..." Roger clarified for her. "They each have something that is required to make one...so no...your Daddy and I cannot make a baby together..." he stated clearly. Why was it so easy for him to find the words to explain this? I felt like a fool!

"Okay..." she said and then seemed satisfied. We both sat and watched her scoot off the bed and walk to the door. She turned and smiled at us.

"That's it?" I asked her. She nodded and began to open the door.

"Yeah...I'm going to leave now so you can have sex..." she said and slipped out the door. My jaw fell open and Roger burst out laughing. He rolled over on his side and proceeded to guffaw with laughter. I couldn't believe how amused he was and picked up a pillow and threw it at him. It hit him in the face but he ignored it and kept laughing. I didn't think it was remotely funny that we had to deal with something like this with her only being 10 years old. It was so uncomfortable.

"It wasn't that funny!" I argued to him as he tried to collect himself. He laid on his side looking at me as he caught his breath.

"I don't know what was funnier!" he told me. "Her or you?" he stated. I got up from the bed and marched to the bathroom. "Christ Brian! Lighten up!" he yelled as I went in and began to urinate. I finished and looked at myself in the mirror as I washed up. He was right. It wasn't very comfortable but we had got through it. She got some answers that were the right information and we survived it. I decided to let it all go and walked back in to the bedroom.

"You're right..." I said I as went through the doorway. I stopped as I found Roger naked on the bed. "What the..." I said as he crawled towards me on all fours on top of the mattress.

"Come on babe! It's time to get naked and have sex!" he reminded me. I knew we only had a few more precious days together so I quickly forget about what had just transpired and walked quickly to the bedroom door to lock it. I was pulling my jumper off as I moved.

"Hold on tiger!" I said with a wry smile as I unzipped my jeans and proceeded to jump on the bed with him.

Chapter Text

27th December 1984

Switzerland

-Tiger Lily's POV-

It felt like this time together had flown by. My heart was heavy as I finished packing my things in my suitcase. I glanced over at Jimi apparently feeling the same way I did. His face was flat as he latched his case.

"Did you check the bathroom for anything you might have left behind?" Mia asked us both as I closed my own case.

"Yes.." we both answered. Mia took Jimi's case and set it in the hallway and then came over for mine. I took a seat on my bed and watched Jimi lean against the wall. Looking sullen.

"I'll be right back..." Mia said as she disappeared out the door.

"I guess this is it..." I told Jimi as he looked at me and silently nodded.

"I won't see you at school anymore..." he said with a touch of sadness. He was starting at Hampton in a few weeks. It was a better fit for him school wise, but not seeing my brother was going to be tough. I already didn't see him at home anymore with everything that has happened.

"Do you know who is taking you on the first day?" I asked him.

"Probably Big..." Jimi replied. "He told me he would take me since Dad's going to be away..." he said and then looked away from me. "And my Mum doesn't seem to care anymore..." he said a bit dramatically. I knew that wasn't true and so did he. It annoyed me that he said it.

"You know she cares Jimi!" I argued. "It's Papa's father that made it where she can't see you!' I reminded him. He huffed at my words.

"It's not fair!" he said in a whining voice. "I've not got Pap anymore and I've lost my Mum!" he told me as he crossed his arms in front of his chest and gave me a pitiful expression.

"At least your Mum is still alive!" I pointed out. He stopped being pathetic for a moment and gave me a look of regret. Remembering my own mother is dead.

"Right...sorry..." he said as I waved a dismissive hand at him.

"It's okay....I know I've got more family around than you have...it isn't fair..." I agreed with him. "I guess you'll stay with Nana and Big while they're on tour?" I questioned. It seemed the logical place for him to live. With our grandparents. He nodded as he uncrossed his arms and walked over to me.

"I suppose..." he replied and plopped down next to me. Resting his head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around him. Feeling bad for him. I did seem to have the better situation between the two of us.

"I'm sorry it's been so hard on you..." I told him sympathetically. "Remember you can call me whenever you want...Pap too...even Mia..." I reminded him. "Even Clare..." He remained quiet and remained leaning into my side. We stayed that way for a minute. Just thinking.

"Do you ever wish you had a regular Mum and Dad?" Jimi asked me. I knew what he meant. It seemed easier for kids who had a traditional set of parents.

"To be honest it sounds a bit boring..." I replied to try and help him find the humor in our circumstances. I felt Jimi smile a little.

"That's true..." he agreed. "But right now it would make my life better..." he confessed.

"I imagine it would..." I said as I pulled him closer and pressed a kiss to his head like our parents do with us for comfort. Wishing I could make his pain go away and not being able to.

------------------------------------

My stomach hurt and I felt a lead weight inside me as we all stood in the living room to say our goodbyes. Each hug was savored and promises made about finding ways to be together. Dom had gone out to warm up the cars.

"You know you can come by anytime you like..." Nana reminded me as she held me close. I nodded as I felt some tears in my eyes. Already missing her sweetness and being in her arms.

"I will...I promise..." I told her as she finally released me and smiled warmly at me.

"You will always be my precious granddaughter...no matter what he says..." she stated as she referred to Papa's father. I knew it was true already but was glad to hear it from her.

"I know...I love you Nana..." I said back and she wiped at my tears with her finger.

I noticed Jimi was seated in Grandma Winnie's lap and they were both crying. She was rocking him gently and Papa was standing over them and running his hand through Jimi's hair. Daddy was hugging Mia and talking to her quietly as she held on to him. They really missed each other and the separation had been hard for Mia.

The front door opened and Dom stepped inside. "I'm afraid it's time..." she announced with a solemn face. I suddenly couldn't help myself and ran over to my Daddy. I missed his presence so much and needed another hug before we had to leave. Mia stepped aside as he knelt down and took me in his arms.

"I love you Daddy..." I told him as I buried my face in his curls. He crushed me to him and I heard emotion in his voice.

"I love you too Tigs..." he said back. For some reason, him calling me that felt empty. I really needed to hear him say what he had always called me. His term of endearment for me. I was ten years old but right now I wished I was five again. Before Michael Taylor ruined everything. When I was much younger and not in school and on tour with my parents. Sitting with my Daddy whenever I wanted and spending hours with him on a plane or a bus. Or just sitting in our back garden talking about the grass and the sky above us. I wanted to be his poppet again.

"Poppet..." I said as I cried into his hair and squeezed him tighter. "I'm your poppet..." I said again.

"You will always be my poppet...no matter how old you get or how long we might be apart..." he said sweetly. "I promise..." he told me as both we cried. We stayed that way for a minute and then he loosened his hold on me. He sniffled and wiped at his face with his arm and then reached down to wipe at my tears. He smiled at me. "We've got to be strong..." he said as he took my hand. "We can do this..." he seemed to be telling himself that as much as me. I nodded to him. Trying to find my strength. Seeing Jimi wrapped in Papa's arms right now and them both crying.

"I'll be strong..." I told Daddy.

"You are one of the strongest people I know..." he said as he used his hand to fix my hair as he looked at me with affection. I didn't feel very strong right now. But I believed him. He then stood up straight and gripped my hand as we started walking to the door.

Everyone tried to keep brave faces as we climbed into the cars to drive to the airport. I was in the back between Mia and Gran as they both hugged me. We pulled into the parking and saw a plane was already waiting for us. Daddy and Papa and Trevor began unloading the luggage. Big remained with Nana as he was recovering from a cold and shouldn't be carrying luggage.

"This plane is ours..." Papa told me as he emptied the back of our car. "We need to get on board..." he said. I nodded understanding and waved to the other part of my family as we began walking to the tiny jet. I climbed the stairs and stood at the door and waved one final time. Looking at Daddy, Jimi, Nana and Big and hating Michael Taylor more than ever as I stepped in the plane.

-----------------------------------

--Roger's POV--

I watched Tiger Lily board the jet and Mia follow her inside. My mother was already on board with Trevor and he told me he would distract the pilot and flight attendant as I said goodbye to Brian.

I walked over to him and he pulled me into his arms. We quickly kissed and then he reached up and ran his hand over my cheek.

"I guess I'll see you on tour..." he told me. I nodded to him and fought the tears I felt would erupt as he tried to act strong right now. I was starting to fail at it.

"Yeah..." I replied and sniffed to try and stave off the waterworks. "I'll call you when we get home..." I promised. He nodded and smiled at me. Gazing at me affectionately.

"Forever..." he said to me. I knew what he was saying. No matter what. We love each other forever.

"Forever..." I said back and pulled away from him since I knew I was going to lose it. I turned and walked briskly to the plane. Dom was stepping into the jet from the stairs and I rushed up behind her. Afraid to look back. The flight attendant was waiting and when I stepped inside she went to close the door behind me. I got seated and began to buckle up as the jet began moving.

"Everyone buckled in?" I asked as I tried to distract myself from what had just happened. They all nodded and appeared as sad as I felt. I swallowed hard to keep from bursting into a sob. It was going to be a long flight. I turned to look out the jet window to avoid their pained faces and to avoid having a breakdown.

It was a quiet and moody flight. It seemed like everyone was trying to keep it together and by the time the flight landed in Ibiza, I felt drained and just wanted to go to bed. Luckily I didn't have to drive. Hired cars drove us to the hotel we were staying at for a few days. I had wanted to come to Ibiza to look at boats a few months back. It was supposed to be with Brian. Now it was without him.

We checked in the beachside hotel and went upstairs. I had booked the largest suite and the adjoining room. I got everyone settled and went to my bedroom and stripped off my clothes and crawled into bed. I closed my eyes and prayed for a dreamless night. I just wanted the darkness right now.

--Brian's POV--

We flew back to Edinburgh and to a return drive to the international airport. The reverse of our original trip. My cousin kindly shepherded us again. I promised to make a real visit sometime soon. I left my parents with him as he dropped Jimi and I off at the airport departure gate with our luggage. We were soon on a flight back to London and had plans to spend some time together before he starts school and I head off on tour.

--30th December 1984--

"Did you want to see a movie?" I asked my son as I opened the newspaper to see what was showing. It was too cold to really do any outdoor activities. Jimi slumped on the sofa and gave me an indifferent look.

"I don't know..." he said indecisively. I decided to see what was showing anyway. Maybe a certain film would spark some interest.

"We could see Ghostbusters!" I stated as I looked over at him. Hoping he would bite on this one. Jimi shifted on the sofa and laid down and closed his eyes.

"Maybe tomorrow..." he mumbled to me. I was surprised at his reaction and then noticed he looked a little flushed.

"Do you feel okay?" I asked him. He shook his head without moving too much and left his eyes closed.

"No..." he answered. "Feel kind of sick..." he said next. I set down the newspaper and went over and felt his head. He felt hot. He was sick!

"Jimi! You've got a fever!" I said and realized I sounded a little panicked. I took a breath to calm myself and felt on his neck. It was hot as well. "You say you feel sick...is it your stomach or your head or both?" I questioned. Needing to know his symptoms as I looked at him with growing concern.

"Throat hurts...head hurts...feel tired..." he muttered. Worry filled me as I tried to figure out what to do. I had never really dealt much with the children being ill. Tiger Lily never really got sick and the few times they were ill it was Mia caring for them when we were on tour. My impulse was to call Mia but I remembered she is in Ibiza right now. Not easily reachable. And my Mother had remained in Scotland. I got up from Jimi's side and walked to the telephone and dialed the only other person I knew could help.

"Hello..."

"Hi Chrissie...it's Bri...are you busy?" I asked her.

"Hi! Are you back from Scotland?" she replied. "I'm not busy..." she confirmed.

"We are back and I was calling because I need your help..." I explained. "Jimi is sick and with my Mother still in Scotland..."

"I'll be right over..." she said before I could finish my sentence. I smiled.

"Thanks..." I replied and hung up the phone. Feeling better about the situation.

-----------------------------

Chrissie had arrived within 15 minutes and she brought her medical bag with her. I had Jimi go to his bedroom to lie down and she examined him and talked to him about how he was feeling. I sat on the other side of the bed as she finished and she gently ran her hand over his head to soothe him before she looked at me.

"He has a touch of tonsillitis..." she stated as she placed her stethoscope in her bag. "He does have a mild fever and headache..." she reported as she pulled a plastic box out and opened the lid. I leaned over and took his hand to comfort him. "I'm giving him something for the pain and to help him get some rest..."

"Okay..." I answered. She actually had a vial of children's liquid pain medicine in her bag so Jimi didn't have to swallow a pill. I was grateful. He closed his eyes and rolled over to go to sleep after drinking it. I got his duvet up over his shoulders and tucked it in to keep him warm. She placed the pain medicine on his dresser and I closed his curtains before we stepped out of his room. We took a few steps down the hall so we could talk and be quiet. "Does he need to see a doctor?" I asked her. Wanting to make sure he was going to be okay.

"If he isn't feeling better tomorrow I would get him in..." she answered. "It's a holiday so you may have trouble getting an appointment..." Chrissie suggested. I actually had my own doctor's appointment tomorrow because of the tour.

"I'm seeing Dr. Roberts tomorrow..." I stated and she smiled at me. Apparently not uncomfortable with me mentioning her now ex husband.

"If you can't get in to Dr. Talbot then I'm sure Henry will examine him..." she advised. I was grateful to hear Dr. Roberts would help me out with my son if his pediatrician was unavailable.

"Let's hope he feels better by morning..." I remarked. She smiled and patted my arm.

"I'm sure he will be fine...don't worry..." she stated as we walked downstairs. "How about I make you some tea and we catch up about our holidays while we wait..." she suggested. It would be a nice distraction.

"Okay..." I replied.

We took a seat in the kitchen while we made some tea and she told me about visiting her family over the Christmas break. It sounded like she had a good time even when she commented that her parents were disappointed when her and Henry divorced.

"Have you dated anyone else since then?" I questioned. Curious to know how she was doing. She shrugged a little.

"I went on two different dates my friends set up for me...but I wasn't really interested in the men they picked..." she revealed. "I probably wasn't ready for dating anyway..."

"I can imagine that trying to start over feels a bit daunting and scary..." I remarked to her. Kind of feeling that myself with what Roger and I had discussed about being with other partners. About me being with Chrissie.

"It can be lonely...so it would be nice to have someone..." she disclosed. I gave her a warm smile. I understood the desire to not feel lonely. I had felt it a lot since I had been forced to leave my home and the other part of my family.

"Yes...I can appreciate that..." I said supportively. She picked up the teapot from the kitchen table.

"How about you have some more tea and tell me about Scotland..." she requested. I nodded and smiled as she poured me a fresh cup. I tried to figure out what I could tell her since I would be lying about where I was.

"It was good to see the family..." I began and felt this much was true. It had been marvelous to see them all. She was looking at me with real interest and I suddenly felt bad about lying to her. We had already taken our secret trip and appeared to be successful with it. I decided I would just come clean with her. "Actually...Jimi and I went to Switzerland with my parents..." I revealed. Chrissie's face registered surprise hearing it.

"Oh...I thought you had said Scotland before you left..." she replied. Believing she had misheard me. I shook my head.

"I did say Scotland...I lied to you about where we were going..." I confessed. "We had a secret trip planned for the whole family..." I explained. "We told everyone we were going to Scotland to see family...but we flew from Edinburgh to Switzerland and met Roger and everyone else there..." Chrissie formed a heartening smile.

"Don't worry Brian...your secret is safe with me..." she said as she took a bite of a biscuit. I knew in my heart I was safe with her. That is one thing about Chrissie. She is discreet and I do feel I can trust her. "So how was your trip?" she asked as she sipped her tea and waited for an answer. It felt good to be able to talk about it.

"It was lovely..." I told her. "Being able to see Tiger Lily again and spend time with her was the best...and of course being with Rog...well..." I gushed and she grinned broadly at me.

"I'm glad you found a way to be together..." she told me sincerely. I was glad too. Though I knew the likelihood of that happening again anytime soon was probably impossible.

"We made the most of it..." I replied. "I'm not sure that we will be able to get away with something like that in the future..." I said candidly. "Even though I'll see Rog on tour in a few weeks...someone will always be watching..." I reminded her. She reached over and touched my arm.

"I'm sorry this happened to your family...please know I am here for you and Jimi...in whatever you might need..." she offered. The words that Roger said to me filled my head again. About me being with her and it being for the best. I cared for Chrissie and liked spending time with her. It didn't equate to love or even any measure of lust. I swallowed and nodded to her. Finding a smile for her.

"Thanks Chrissie...I appreciate everything you've done for me...for Jimi..." I replied. Wanting her to know I do appreciate her help. "You've been a really good friend..." I added. She squeezed my arm and kept her smile.

"You're welcome..."

----------------------------------------

--Jimi's POV--

I woke up and felt a bit smothered by the blanket covering me. I pulled it off and noticed my room was dark. I also felt warm and moved the blanket further away to cool off a little. I turned and found my door was ajar but everything was quiet. I got out of bed and felt achy as I walked to the door and headed for the bathroom. I went in and relieved myself and washed my hands and found myself thirsty. My throat was still sore but I wanted some water. I filled a paper cup and drank it slowly. It hurt to swallow but not as bad as it was earlier.

I walked from the bathroom and wondered where my Dad was. I got to the stairs and heard voices. One was Daddy and one was a woman. I remembered Chrissie being there earlier. She had come to check on me since I was sick and given me some medicine. I began walking down the stairs and heard them speaking.

"Rog had started the snowball fight and got Jimi on his side and they kept lobbing these huge snowballs at me..." my Dad said as I stood and listened on the stairs. He was telling Chrissie about our trip to Switzerland. About the snowball fight we had in the front yard. The one where Pap and I trampled him.

"I bet he packs a mean wallop!" Chrissie said back. "I mean Roger...with him playing drums I bet his arms are pretty strong..." she remarked. It was weird to hear her talking about my Pap. I forget that she knows him too.

"He does throw a stinger!" my Dad confirmed to her and laughed. "I got one straight in the nose once and it really hurt..." he complained. Chrissie made a pitying sound.

"You poor dear..." she replied with sympathy. "I'm sure you got your fair share of hits in..." she told him and my Dad laughed again. Sounding lighthearted. It was good to hear him really laugh. He had been so low since we got home from our trip.

"He's fast you know...can move like lightning..." my Dad boasted. I smiled because it is true. Pap dove away to avoid getting hit too much. Much more athletic than Dad is.

"I did get Jimi a few times...but I tried to be gentle..." my Dad said next. Dad is a softie. I could have taken a harder hit. I walked down the stairs heading for the kitchen.

"You're soft..." I said out loud as I walked in to the kitchen. Saying it out loud reminded me my throat still hurt. Both of them looked up at me from the kitchen table and my Dad bolted up from his chair.

"Jimi! How are you feeling?" he asked me with concern as I shrugged a bit.

"About the same..." I said honestly. "I'm thirsty..." I advised and Chrissie stood up and smiled at me.

"Let me get you something to soothe your throat..." she said as she walked to the counter for something. My Dad came over and felt my forehead and pulled me in for a comforting hug.

"You're not as hot...that's good..." he told me as he held me. "Let's get you something to drink and then you should probably get some more rest..." he suggested. I nodded against his waist and he let go and walked me to the table for a seat. I slumped in the seat.

Chrissie handed me a mug with water than smelled like lemon. I took a drink and found it did taste like lemons. I slowly sipped the warm water and found it soothing. "Finish that and let me know if you're hungry..." she said. I nodded and took another sip. It tasted okay so I did drink it all.

"I'm not hungry..." I said as I handed her my cup. I did feel tired and was ready to go back to bed. "I'm tired..." I said out loud. My Dad stood up and came over and took my hand.

"Come on then..." he told me and picked me up and placed my head on his shoulder as he hugged me to him and carried me upstairs. I relaxed in his arms and felt sleepy. Chrissie followed him up and she was smiling sweetly at me as she watched my Dad carry me into my bedroom. I liked her smile. She has been so nice to us.

I got settled under my blanket and Chrissie came over with a thermometer and took my temperature again. We waited for it to take the reading and she looked at it while I watched her. She placed it on the nightstand and looked down at me.

"You've still got a mild fever so some rest will do you good.." she said as she caressed my cheek. It was comforting. I nodded and closed my eyes as she patted my blanket and stood up.

"Thanks..." I told her quietly as I tried to relax. I felt someone lean over me and knew it was my Dad because of his curly hair. He pressed a kiss to my head.

"Feel better little man..." he told me and then he moved away as I felt myself falling back to sleep.

--31st December 1984--

--Brian's POV--

"Thanks for coming along..." I told Chrissie as we sat in Dr. Roberts waiting room. She smiled at me and put her arm around Jimi.

"We can wait out here while go you back..." she said. I noticed Jimi leaning into her and he seemed content. I was so glad he woke up feeling better. His fever was gone and his throat didn't hurt anymore. Chrissie made him a hearty breakfast after he announced he was starving. He ate every bite so I knew he was probably fine. I was relieved. I also found him growing attached to her. I was glad he liked her and they got along. I know he misses having Mia around and with Clare unable to visit, it has been hard on him.

The nurse called me back after waving hello to Chrissie. I went back and pulled off my coat and she weighed me and took my blood pressure. She stuck a thermometer in my mouth and after seeing I had a normal temperature she asked me to get in a gown for my physical.

I had done this so many times it was old hat by now. I kept my briefs on and pulled the gown over me and looked at a new information chart on the wall while I waited for the doctor. The door opened and I turned to see him come inside with his nurse.

"Brian!" he said in a friendly voice as we shook hands. "Time to hit the road again?" he asked me as I nodded and he grabbed my chart.

"Yes...I'm off to Rio...then Australia and Japan..." I answered. His nurse appeared impressed.

"That's quite the trip!" Dr. Roberts commented as he began examining me. His nurse had a clipboard and the doctor told her what to write as he checked me over. I always liked getting a thorough physical since my unfortunate health scare in '74.' I hated the idea of being the reason a tour would be canceled again. He finished listening to my lungs and checking my reflexes and took the chart from his nurse.

"Everything good?" I asked him. He smiled and nodded as he made some notes.

"All good!" he said and then looked up at me intently. "We need to draw some blood for the standard tests and I wanted to ask you if you were interested in getting a new test..." he inquired. I was intrigued what it was.

"What is it?" I asked as the nurse wrapped the rubber strap around my bicep.

"There's a test now to see if you're HIV positive..." he said in a direct manner. "I thought you might want to consider it..." he said carefully. I had heard about this test in reading articles. It had been introduced in the past year and I was surprised to hear it was already available. My heart began beating faster and I bit my lip. I knew I should get the test but I realized part of me was frightened by the aspect of it. What if I was positive?

"Are you recommending Roger get it too?" I asked him. He nodded as he kept looking at me.

"Yes...you should both get tested..." he said firmly. I knew it was the right thing to do. I had to set aside my fear and find out. "It is important to know if you're positive..." Dr. Roberts said and cleared his throat. I could see he had felt a little nervous bringing it up. The reality of it so scary.

"Okay..." I said and felt my stomach knot as the nurse put the needle in my arm to draw the blood.

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--Deacy's POV--

"Your film is starting!" I shouted to Robert, Michael and Laura as I pushed the tape into the VHS machine. They all came running into the family room being noisy as they dove onto the sofa and found their preferred spots to watch the new tape they got for Christmas. I grabbed the remote control and pressed play once the menu came up.

"Move over!" Laura whined to Michael as she spread out on the sofa. Michael slid off and got nestled into a large floor cushion as the film began playing. I admired how amiable Michael is with his siblings. Somewhat like me.

"You all set?" I asked them as 'The Secret of Nimh' appeared on the screen. They just nodded as their eyes remained glued to the telly. I sighed as I walked from the room. Relieved to see them occupied for a few hours. I just needed a break from them all. I went to the kitchen and found Ronnie sitting at the table sharing a cup of tea with her Mum.

"Did you get them sorted?" Ronnie asked me as I picked up the teapot to get my own cup.

"Yes...I put on that new video they got..." I told her as I fixed my cup of tea. "I'll be in my office..." I told her.

"Could you check on Josh for me?" she asked.

"Sure..." I replied and stopped by his room to make sure he was still asleep. He had been a terror earlier today and Ronnie had trouble getting him down for his nap. I was relieved to see he was still out. I closed his door and headed for my office. Needing to see to some neglected business. Needing some time alone. I loved my family but was worn out from the holidays and the extra people here to celebrate. For some reason, coming home this time from tour was different. I was tired and moody and found myself irritated with everyone. Needing some space from my family. Needing some time to think about things.

I got seated in my comfortable leather chair and opened some ignored post. I smiled as I opened some Christmas cards. Ones we had received a few days before the holiday but hadn't had time to read. Hoping they would distract me from my low mood. I also went through a stack of clippings that were sent over from the office. Articles from magazines and newspapers about Queen. Most were the usual crap. One was a fair review of our recent tour. I didn't read everything and tossed them in a half full box next to my desk that contained other clippings.

Before I looked at the latest accounting figures I noticed an envelope wedged under some log books. I pulled it out and saw the return address was from Freddie. It instantly put a smile on my face as tore it open. I found a card inside and loved the vintage artwork. He had such good taste. It was Christmas greetings from New York. I figured he must have bought the card when he went there. I knew he had gone for a few weeks to visit friends and shop.

I opened the card and found it just said 'With love from Freddie.' There was a letter though so I opened it to see what it said.

----------------------------------
Dear Deacy -

'I am writing this letter to you on a cold night in New York City. My daughter's and I turned in early since it was snowing. We had lunch today at that Chinese food place we all love so much. You remember the one in Chinatown? '
------------------------

I did remember. It was the restaurant we always get food from when we are in New York on tour. They have the best egg rolls. I instantly wished I had one right now. Lunch had been a few hours ago and I was getting hungry.

----------------------------
'I thought of you when we were eating because Thor ordered your favorite dish. You remained on my mind the whole day. Something about being in that part of New York had me remembering our first trip there. It was a magical time. It was before Brian got ill. I choose to remember our time there together before we had to leave. Do you ever think of that time? '
---------------------------

I had not thought about that trip in ages. I instantly recalled sitting at the table in the restaurant with Brian and Roger and Freddie in 1974. Enjoying a meal together and laughing. I blocked out how bad Brian had looked and focused on how good Freddie did look. His hair was so long then. Like mine. We were just so young. I smiled as I recalled us going back to the hotel. Heading for our rooms. Brian and Roger purposely sharing and leaving Freddie and I together in our own.

I leaned back in my chair and reached up to touch my hair as I remembered Freddie brushing mine out as we sat in our dressing gowns and talked about the rest of the tour. We were feeling on top of the world and it all held so much promise for us. At that time I remembered being completely absorbed in my relationship with Freddie. We spent all our time together and he was so supportive. So understanding and kind. We kept each other company and kept our secret from the others. The people that did know about Brian and Roger were always distracted by their need to remain private. It kept the focus off of us. It made it so easy to be together. I turned back to his letter as I felt a wave of nostalgia for that time wash over me.

-----------------------------
'I know that we ended things and I understand why. You have made a beautiful life with Ronnie and I have respected your need to have a traditional relationship. A marriage. But I will always think of the time we were together as being precious and perfect. We were young and in love and everything we wanted was coming to fruition. Well. Almost everything. '
---------------------------

I knew he was referring to us parting ways. I was at the point in my life where I had to make a decision. I was going to be with Ronnie and end things with Freddie because it was wrong to cheat on her in this way. Or I was going to end things with Ronnie and risk my career and my future by being with Freddie and all that entailed. I had seen the stress Brian and Roger lived with. The constant need to keep their romance a secret. I wasn't sure I could deal with all that. It seemed like a lost cause at times. Ronnie felt safer. It seemed easier. I suddenly had that guilty feeling form in my stomach. The one I've had for years over my decision. That knot of regret. Did I make the right choice?

I tried to convince myself I had. I had made a beautiful life with Ronnie. We had four lovely children and a nice home in a quiet area of London. We were financially secure and we didn't have to hide. As I stared at the words in Freddie's letter I had to admit that things had not been ideal with Ronnie in the past few years. The time on the road and away in the studio seemed to create a rift. A place where we weren't as good as we once were. She was always so busy with the children and being a Mother. When I came home I sometimes struggled to adjust to just being a Father and being domestic. I found myself needing Ronnie to help me get settled and she was too distracted with our four to do it. We had somehow lost our center. We hadn't had sex in months.

I went to read the rest of the letter and the door to my office opened. Ronnie poked her head inside. "I'm driving my Mum home..." she informed me. "The kids fell asleep watching the film..." she announced. I smiled and was relieved they were getting a nap.

"Okay..." I said. "I'll check on them in a bit..." I advised as I gripped the letter in my hand. Ronnie formed a funny look.

"You alright?" she asked me. I nodded and tried to widen my smile.

"Yeah...just reading a letter from an old friend..." I told her. She smiled at me and closed the door. I looked back down at the letter. "A friend I still love..." I told myself and felt that knot in my stomach grow larger.

Chapter Text

30th December 1984

Ibiza

Roger's POV

I couldn't bring myself to get excited about buying a boat. Not being with Brian here had literally taken the wind out of my sails. I spent most of the first day in Ibiza in bed. Alone and feeling sorry for myself as Dom and Mia took Tiger Lily to the beach and Mum and Trevor visited a museum. I joined my family for dinner that night in the hotel restaurant and tried to act more alive for their sake.

I managed to get up the next day and we all went shopping and then to the beach to relax and swim. The warm sun and refreshing water lifted me a little. So did my daughter frolicking in the sand and enjoying herself despite our family being torn apart. She seemed more resilient than me. Maybe it was because I am older. Where did my twenties go? I was feeling every bit of 35 right now. I hated it. The daytime hours kept me occupied and busy. A distraction from missing my husband and my son. When the evening arrived and everyone headed for bed, a restlessness took over me and I found myself awake late into the night and taking refuge from my empty bed by sitting on the balcony outside my room.

A knock on the glass door startled me and I turned to see Mia standing there peering at me through the glass. She opened the door and stepped out onto the balcony.

"Did I frighten you?" she asked me. I shook my head and tried to smile for her. I quickly took a drag from my cigarette to avoid an actual grin.

"You're up late..." I remarked as she took a few steps and sat down in the chair next to mine. They looked out on the beach where there were still people walking near the water's edge in the low light emitted from the torches they carried.

"I could say the same of you..." Mia countered. I could see her concerned expression in the moonlight. I forced a smile to make her feel better and smashed out my cigarette.

"What's on your mind?" I asked as I could tell she wanted to talk. She looked intently at me.

"I just needed to know something..." she stated. "Since you and Brian can't be together...you're going to be with Dom...aren't you?" she inquired. I always found Mia to be an astute person. This time proved no different. I saw no point in lying to her.

"It will probably turn out that way..." I said back as she nodded slightly. "Just so you know...Brian and I talked about it...he knows and he's okay with it..." I explained. "Just like I'm okay if he gets with Chrissie..." I added and felt like I was somewhat lying in that moment. But the situation is what it is so I couldn't waste my time being jealous over it.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" she said next. I'd known Mia for quite a while now and she was discreet and a loyal employee. She had also grown to feel more like a little sister in a way than just a nanny.

"Of course you can..." I replied. She seemed to hesitate for a moment.

"Are you going to have more children?" she asked me. I understood why she was asking. With me being with a woman, the likelihood of a child existed. With Mia being a nanny, this impacted her directly.

"If I did would that be a problem for you?" I questioned back. She quickly shook her head and formed a tiny smirk. Not being able to hide the fact she wouldn't mind at all.

"No..." she confirmed. "I guess I just wanted to know if you were...since I am a nanny and with Tigs getting older...she doesn't need me as much as she used to..." she explained to me. I smiled at Mia.

"Dom does want to have a baby...one of her own..." I revealed. "I am going to give her one...but I am not sure if that means she's going to live with us and you would care for it while we work..." I said honestly. I hadn't discussed that much with Dom yet so I couldn't say what her plan was.

"But if she does...you'll keep me on?" Mia questioned. I realized Mia was feeling uncertain about her future with us and I felt bad. I guess with everything that happened we hadn't recognized she might question her role in our lives with the changes that took place. I placed my hand on top of hers to reassure her.

"No matter what Mia....you have a home with me...with my family..." I promised. "I know Tigs is getting older but she needs you in her life...I am still going to tour and be away recording and I need your help to care for her and watch over her for me..." I stated. She nodded and smiled at me. Apparently reassured by my words.

"Okay..." she finally responded in a quiet voice. I patted her hand.

"You've been amazing Mia! I want you to know that!" I told her when I saw she needed to hear it. "You've been loyal and kept our secrets and been the best support for me and Brian...we couldn't have done what we do without you..." I reminded her. "I hope you know you are more than just a nanny in our eyes...you're family..." I emphasized. Her eyes widened a little hearing it and I could see some tears forming in her eyes. "I'm sorry if I've not told you lately how much you mean to me...and I hope Tigs lets you know she loves you..." I stated. A tear slipped down her cheek and she nodded as she wiped it away.

"I know she loves me...she's told me..." Mia confirmed. "I love her too...she's almost like my little sister and Clare's become like a sister as well..." she explained. I was heartened to hear it since I know she doesn't have a family. I wanted to know where I stand with her.

"Does that make me your big brother?" I asked teasingly. She formed a more serious expression which took me by surprise.

"You and Brian are kind of like the Dads I never had..." she confessed and then laughed a little. "Kind of my parents really..." she said and wore a funny grin. I was glad to see her like this after worrying about her place with us.

"That's quite the allowance you get for looking after your baby sister!" I teased and tried to sound like one of those begrudging fathers. She laughed out loud and slapped at me playfully.

"I thought it was hush money!" she teased back and we both laughed at the reminder of her partly being compensated for keeping secrets. We both calmed down and sat quietly. Listening to the sounds of the ocean and the still of the night. She seemed satisfied about what her future held after our talk. I felt more lost than ever but kept it to myself as I stared into the darkness.

---31st December 1984---

I laid down on the bed and dialed the number. It rang a few times before Brian picked up.

"Hello..." (he sounded quiet and sad)

"It's me babe..."

"Hey Rog..." (he seemed a bit better hearing my voice)

"How are you?"

"I'm okay...." (that's a lie! I know he's lying!)

"How are you?" (I swallowed hard)

"I'm alright..." (now I'm lying)

"You got any plans for tonight? ( I wondered if he had any but decided to make a joke since everything felt so weighted right now)

"Oh you know me! I've got a limo full of girls waiting on me downstairs!" (he chuckled a bit so I did too)

"Roger Taylor! Party animal and lady magnet!" (Brian teased back but I found myself laughing nervously at the reminder of what the press sometimes said about me)

"I'm just staying in my room tonight..." I told him in a calmer voice. "You?" I asked him.

"I've got some new video games and Jimi and I are going to try and have a marathon gaming night..." he advised me. I didn't mention Dom and he didn't mention Chrissie which was fine by me.

"I'll be back in two days..." I commented after a silence. "I've got to get my tour physical..." I reminded him.

"I got mine today..." Brian replied. "Actually...there is something I want to tell you..." he said and sounded serious. I worried something was wrong with him and my heart started pounding.

"Is something wrong?" I asked with fear in my voice.

"They are doing a test on me for HIV..." he announced. My stomach churned hearing this. We had both heard about a test recently being made available. I wasn't aware you could get it at your GP's office already. I wasn't sure how I felt about this news. About him getting the test.

"When do you get the result?" It was the only thing I could think to say without opening up a whole can of worms about why we probably both needed to get tested.

"Three days..." Brian answered. "Dr. Roberts requested a rush since I'm going on tour..."

"Oh..." was all I could muster. SHIT!

"Dr. Roberts is going to suggest you get the test..." he informed me. I knew if Brian had it I would have to.

"Okay..." I replied and we both sat silent as we processed the weight of it. The reality of it all.

"Are you going to get tested?" he asked me to get a clear answer. I nodded as I closed my eyes.

"Yes..." I agreed and rolled over in the bed and curled into a ball.

--- BRIAN'S POV ---

The mood of our conversation fell dramatically after I told him about the test. I had to. He needed to know and to know I had opted to get it. The phone was silent for a while.

"Did you find a boat?" I asked him to change the subject. He began to tell me about the trip and how he wasn't in the mood to get one. We both talked about the upcoming tour to change the subject again and fell into safer territory. He had not spoke to Freddie or Deacy and neither had I. Both were busy with their own lives and we would see them soon enough. After some chatting about buying some new things for touring we decided to get off the phone. This was hardest part and I found myself not wanting to say goodbye.

"I guess I will see you next year..." I said in an attempt to keep it light. Roger made a little sound of amusement. Probably just for my benefit.

"Happy New Year babe..." he told me. "I love you..." he added. It gave me a smile as I laid on my side in bed and pressed the phone to my ear. It didn't feel very happy but I appreciated his effort.

"I love you too...forever...." I reminded him.

"Forever..." he said back. I rolled over and hung up the phone and felt like I had been kicked in the stomach all over again with our goodbye.

I laid there feeling pained and also somewhat numb and wished I could just go to sleep and wake up to find this was all a horrible nightmare. Like the one I used to have about the bridge. Just a bad dream that wasn't true.

"Dad..." I heard Jimi say as he opened my bedroom door. "The pizza is here..." he asked me. I had forgot about the pizza we were having delivered. I rolled over and wiped at my face despite no tears and got up from the bed.

"Coming..." I told him quietly as he disappeared from the doorway. I took a deep breath and tried to find a smile as I headed down to pay for the food.

---3rd January 1985---

It was the day of reckoning and I was on pins and needles. I didn't really go to sleep last night worrying about this moment arriving. Wondering what my test results would be. I had begun chewing on the skin of my thumb and had to stop myself as I'm playing in a weeks time in Rio. My nerves were getting the best of me.

I had told no one but Roger and Chrissie about the test. I only told Chrissie because if it was positive I was afraid I might collapse and would need her help with Jimi. He was already focused on preparing to start school shortly. He was also distracted by a new friend he made on the street we live on now. Ian lived four houses away and they had both been out on their skateboards one day when they met. Jimi had come home raving about Ian's skateboard and asking me if we could build a ramp for them to use. I told him we could do it when I got home from tour and the weather was nicer.

The telephone rang and I almost jumped out of my skin. I felt immense trepidation as I answered. Was it the doctors? Was my life getting ready to irreparably change again?

"Hello..." I thought I might faint as I gripped the phone in my hand and clutched at the wall nearby.

"Hi Brian..." It was Chrissie! Jesus Christ! I let out a sound of relief as I leaned against the wall.

"I thought you were the doctor's calling..." I told her in a somewhat shaky voice.

"Oh my goodness!" she replied remorsefully. "I'm so sorry..." she told me. "Are they calling today?" she asked me.

"Yes.." I confirmed as I laid my hand over my eyes and tried to catch my breath.

"Take a breath..." she told me in a soothing voice. I focused on breathing as I put all my weight against the wall and considered sliding down on the floor. I did just that.

"Okay..." I said once I landed on my bottom.

"I'm coming over..." she announced. "You need a distraction while you wait..." she advised.

"I think you might be right..." I agreed. "Come on..." I told her and she hung up.

I remained seated on the floor and was glad Jimi was outside playing with Ian right now. I finally got up and placed the phone on the cradle and went to sit at the kitchen table. Trying to relax. A few minutes later my front door opened.

"Brian?" I heard her shout.

"Kitchen!" I shouted back as she came in wearing her winter coat and hat and gloves.

"Oh...you're a right state!" she remarked as she noticed the dark circles under my eyes from no sleep last night. "That's it!" she said and patted my shoulder. "Get up and get your coat...we're going to do something to take your mind off this..." she advised. It was probably a good idea so I nodded and stood up slowly from the table.

"Let me get Jimi..." I said and she shook her head.

"He just told me he was eating lunch at Ian's as I pulled up..." she replied. "I went over and ask Ian's Mother to watch him this afternoon..." she advised as she got me walking to the foyer and into my coat. She had already handled things and I felt confident she could help keep me occupied as well.

It felt odd to be a passenger in her car but she drove us to Notting Hill. She told me about a row of antique shops we could browse through to kill some time. It sounded like a nice distraction.

"I used to come here in the late 60's and look for stereo cards..." I told her. "Those shops are gone now..." She found a parking spot and we walked in the brisk winter air to the first shop.

"Good day!" the shopkeeper greeted as we stepped inside. The place was crammed with loads of bric a brac and the walls were covered with hat boxes and assorted old artwork. "Anything in particular you're looking for?" he asked us. I prepared to ask my usual question.

"Have you got any stereo prints or equipment?" I asked him. He seemed to think for a moment and then raised his finger up in the air.

"Hang on!" he said and walked over to a curtain covered doorway and disappeared behind it. Chrissie and I shared an amused expression as she picked up a silver picture frame to look at. We heard some noise and he returned carrying a small cardboard box.

"I've only got these..." he advised as he handed me the box. Inside was about a dozen stereo cards in pristine condition and I smiled widely as I walked to a table to lay it down.

"These looks brilliant!" I said and quickly lost myself in his small collection of photographic prints.

I ended up buying the entire box from him and we headed to the next shop. I clutched my paper bag of stereos as we perused this shop. It was more crowded than the other one had been and it was difficult to wade through the inventory. It seemed like a lot of furniture and there were numerous boxes stacked on shelves up to the ceiling. It was almost overwhelming. The shop keeper appeared and smiled at us.

"How are you two this fine day?" he asked us with a broad smile. I smiled back.

"Good...thanks.." I replied.

"What are you after today?" he questioned politely.

"Have you got any stereo prints or equipment?" I asked him. He nodded and walked me to a box against a wall in the corner. It had a few cards and I found one that was a Diablerie. My heart started racing at this amazing find. "Do you have any more of these?" I questioned as I held up the unique print to show him. He took a close look as Chrissie came up to my side to see what it was.

"Isn't that one of those French cards?" he asked me. I nodded to him.

"Yes...it's a series...Diableries..." I said and showed him the some specifics about the stereo card. He shook his head after listening to me.

"Sorry...that is all I have..." he remarked and gestured at the box in my hand. I nodded understanding and kept hold of the box. I didn't have any of the cards in his small assortment and wanted to get them all.

"I'll have all of these please..." I advised him. I watched him casually give me the once over. Probably trying to ascertain how much money I had. I was grateful to be wearing an older pair of jeans and a ordinary pea coat. Not looking at all like a wealthy rock star.

"I'll get you a total..." he announced as he took the box from me and walked to his counter to tally it up. Chrissie smirked at me and nudged my side.

"You'll get a fair deal....he didn't recognize you..." she pointed out. I nodded agreement and we both began looking around at the rest of the shop to see if anything caught our eyes. I started to head towards the counter to finalize my purchase. Chrissie remained on the other side looking through a wood crate at some vintage postcards.

"How much?" I asked out of curiosity. He was tapping his pencil against the counter as he eyed the stack of prints and looked up at me. There were about 6 cards in the lot.

"I will sell them to you for 10 pounds..." he offered. I felt it was a fair deal.

"Eight!" Chrissie chimed in before I could respond. The man looked at me for direction and I glanced at Chrissie. Her face was firmly set and she eyed the shop keeper with determination. He acquiesced.

"Eight it is!" the man answered and began placing the cards in a paper bag. I was impressed with Chrissie's bargaining and pulled my wallet out to pay. Luckily I had eight pounds to give and didn't need change for a tenner. I took my purchase and we left the store together. I nudged her as we stepped outside.

"You're quite the bargainer..." I stated as we walked to the next shop. She smiled at me.

"Better a bargainer than a pushover..." she replied and for a moment I thought she was insulting me. She wore an amused expression so I decided she wasn't picking on me.

"Maybe I should have had you negotiate the price of my house..." I remarked. She laughed a little.

"I'll help you out with the next one..." she promised and seemed to be wearing an expression of hopefulness. I remembered the conversation with Roger where he assured me of what Chrissie's intentions were. Wanting a child more than likely. She didn't get one from her brief marriage. I could see now she had plans with me. Plans for the future.

We skipped the last shop and headed to the car. I checked my watch and saw it was now 3pm. I figured when I got home I would know the test results. I would have a phone message telling me what it was or a request to call the doctor's office. Chrissie drove and I sat and stared out the car window and saw nothing but a blurred view as I contemplated my fate. My future.

We arrived home and it had started to rain. Chrissie parked the car and grabbed her umbrella for the brief walk to my porch. "I guess we should let Ian's Mum know I am back..." I mumbled as my heart began to pound in my chest and I felt a little dizzy. I unlocked the front door and we stepped inside. I actually began to feel like I was going to faint. The reality of knowing if I had HIV was upon me. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes.

"Are you alright?" she asked me. I shook my head without opening my eyes and pressed my hands to the wall.

"No..." I confirmed. "I want to know but I'm afraid..." I confessed. I felt Chrissie take my hand.

"We'll get Jimi after we know the results..." she suggested and pulled me from the wall by my hand. I opened my eyes and felt nauseous as we walked to the kitchen. I saw the light on the answering machine blinking red and I stumbled to a chair at the table and let myself fall into it. Actually feeling terrified by what the message held.

"I can't...." I said to Chrissie and laid my head down over my arms on the table. Thinking I might pass out. She pressed her hand into my shoulder.

"You have to know Brian..." she reminded me. "It matters..." she remarked. "It's important you know so you can protect Jimi and others from infection and you can do everything you can to take care of yourself...." she pointed out. Her words made sense but it didn't quell the giant knot in my chest and stomach. I just had to get over my fear though.

"Play the message..." I told her as I kept my head buried. Her hand left my shoulder and I heard her take a few steps.

"Just take some slow deep breaths..." she requested and I heard her press the button. My body instantly tensed up. I felt her hand return to my shoulder again and she squeezed it for support.

'You have two messages...' the machine announced. There was a beep and I thought my heart would stop when a voice came over on the tape.

"It's Roger....I wanted to let you know we are back home....call me when you get a chance...and when you know about that test..." he stated. His voice was soothing to me until he mentioned the test. The message ended and I took a gasping breath. I knew the second message had to be the doctor. The voice message began and I thought I might be ill as my stomach churned heavily. My hands clenched into fists to steel myself for the news.

"This is a message for Brian May....this is Dr. Roberts office calling...we have your test results and wanted to let you know that all your blood work looked good...that includes the special test administered during your visit....be assured all is well and call the office if you have any questions..." My whole body went limp with relief hearing those words. I suddenly felt exhausted as I realized how tense I had been all day.

"That's goods news!" Chrissie said with clear relief as she patted my shoulder. I pulled my head up from my arms and realized I was crying. I looked up at her and she smiled sympathetically. "Oh Brian!" she said tenderly and pulled me against her torso for a hug. I wrapped my arms around her and took solace in her embrace. "I bet that is a load off....eh?" she asked me as she pulled back and grinned at me. Gently wiping my curls away from my eyes.

"It is..." I agreed and huffed out a nervous laugh. I wiped at my tears with my arm and then crossed my arms over my upset stomach and nodded to her. "Thanks for being here..." I told her.

"I'm happy I could help you through it..." she said back. "I guess we can let Jimi know you're back..." she remarked. I nodded and found a small smile. So grateful the test was negative but tired and emotionally drained.

"Yeah..." I replied and rubbed at my stomach. It was still in knots despite the good news. I felt embarrassed by it but couldn't help but try and soothe it.

"Is your stomach in knots?" Chrissie asked me. I nodded and gave her a self conscious grin.

"I seem to carry my anxiety in my stomach..." I confessed.

"How about you go have a nice bath to relax and soothe your nerves and I'll get Jimi..." she proposed. I felt like she does too much for me and for Jimi. A touch of guilt spread through me.

"I can manage...you've already helped enough..." I replied. Her lips pressed together tightly and she patted my shoulder again.

"To be honest...I've nothing else to do...so I am happy to help...to feel useful..." she revealed. "Let me help you Brian..." she requested. I didn't want to make her feel bad and I did appreciate the support.

"Alright..." I agreed. "I'll have a bath to calm down and if you could collect Jimi that would be wonderful..." I said with a grateful smile. She smiled back.

"Go on then!" she commanded. "If you've got some lavender to put in the bath...that really helps..." she suggested. I didn't have anything of the sort but knew the hot water and serene quiet would help me.

"Thanks..." I told her and pulled her into a hug after I stood up. Truly grateful for her company and her support. "You've been a good friend and I appreciate it..."

"You mean a lot to me....so I am glad I've been of some support to you..." she said as we pulled apart and she went to leave the kitchen. I watched her disappear around the corner and I went up the stairs and into my bedroom. I walked to the bathroom but saw the phone before I got here and took a seat on the bed as I dialed the number.

"Hello..."

"It's me..." I told Roger.

"Hey babe..." he said sweetly. "You got my message?" he asked.

"I did...and to answer your question...my test was negative..." I confirmed. I could hear Roger let out a heavy sigh.

"Thank God!" he said quickly and with relief in his voice.

"I was quite the bundle of nerves listening to the phone message..." I confessed un-self consciously to him.

"I bet..." he replied. "I guess I don't need to get the test then..." he suddenly remarked. I was surprised to hear this.

"You most certainly do!" I responded emphatically. "You never know...you might have a different result..." I pointed out.

"Come on Bri...." he argued. "If yours was negative mine will be too..." he stated.

"Let's consider your past indiscretions..." I tried to say as nicely as I could. "You are getting the test!" I commanded. There was silence and I knew my reminder to him of not being faithful more than once was irking him.

"Fine!" he responded with clear annoyance. "I'll get the fucking test!" he barked at me. I didn't smile victoriously as I felt afraid about how his result might turn out.

"Please..." I said pleadingly. It seemed to strike a better note with him. He sighed.

"Okay..." he replied in a softer tone. "I go in the morning..." he reminded me.

"I hope it goes well..." I said honestly. I could feel him smiling. Moving past his irritation.

"You know me....fit as a fiddle!" he remarked confidently.

"Yes...I'm sure 15 years of cigarette smoking has left you in tip top shape!" I told him sarcastically.

"Fuck off!" he said back playfully. Now we were both grinning and feeling better.

"I need to go...I'm going to have a bath to soothe my nerves..." I announced.

"I wish I was there to soothe them for you..." he commented. I smiled at the thought. Missing his presence and his body.

"Oh yeah?" I responded. "What exactly would you do to soothe me?" I asked with a hint of innuendo.

"How long's your phone cord?" he questioned. I looked down at it and found it ample enough to reach into the bathroom. I picked up the phone and got up from the bed. Walking to the bathroom.

"I stepping inside right now..." I informed him as I closed the door behind me. "What is your plan?" I questioned as I set the phone on the floor and held the handpiece against my shoulder as I unzipped my trousers.

"Set the phone down and start the bath and strip..." he ordered. I formed a wide smile as I did as he asked. I picked up the phone handpiece once I finished.

"I'm naked and the bath is filling up..." I stated.

"Lock the door..." he requested. I leaned over and locked the bathroom door.

"Done...now what?" I asked as I reached for my cock and imagined Roger being in the room and on his knees in front of me. The thought alone settled my stomach but stirred something else below my waist. I did a few strokes over my cock with my hand as I envisioned my beautiful husband leaning in to take me in his mouth.

"You're already touching yourself...aren't you?" he asked me.

"I might be..." I replied and squeezed myself a little as I hardened up. "I'm imaging you here in front of me...on your knees and looking up at me with your gorgeous eyes and your mouth preparing to take me in...." I explained. Roger's breath hitched a little on the phone.

"Shit!" he exclaimed. "I was going to describe what I planned on doing to you but I'm more intrigued by your little fantasy..." he answered. "Go on then...keep talking...tell me what I'm doing..." he requested. I took a seat on the edge of the bathtub and removed the drain plug so the water would drain and not overflow in the tub. I left it running so no one else would hear this conversation.

"You're naked and on your knees and I've taken hold of your head and shoved my cock into your mouth..." I told him as I spread my legs and reached down to stroke myself some more.

"Keep talking...." Roger said and I knew he was getting naked in our bedroom as I spoke. We had never really done anything like this over the phone and I felt naughty and turned on by it.

"Your mouth feels warm and wet on my cock and you've got your hands on my hips as I slide in and out of your mouth..." I described.

"I love the feel of you in my mouth..." Roger suddenly responded in a sexy voice. "You're so big and thick and I think I might choke..." he advised. "But I want as much of you as I can take..." he said and I felt my cock twitch hearing his words.

"Fuck...." I mumbled as I stroked myself and closed my eyes. Easily seeing him kneeling in front of me with his mouth full of cock. His eyes wet with tears and half closed with desire.

"Do you want me to finish you off or do you have other plans for me?" Roger questioned. The way he asked made my toes curl. Of course I wanted him! I always do! I always will.

"I'm going to pull your mouth off of me and help you stand so you can lean over the sink..." I said and heard him make a sound of anticipation. It got me going hearing it.

"What are you going to do to me once I'm bent over the sink?" he then asked with a sexy tone. I smiled as I kept stroking myself. Already rock hard and the tip wet.

"You know exactly what I am doing!" I responded. "I am going to press my cock right into you and grip your hips to hold you in place while I fuck you hard and steady..." I explained and I swore I heard the sound of a vibrator turning on over the phone.

"Will you talk dirty to me while you fuck me?" Roger questioned as I heard the vibrator sound get louder. It was becoming clear what he was doing on his end. A moan confirmed it and the imagery of him masturbating with it made my thighs clench.

"I'll say whatever you want me to say..." I muttered back as I picked up the pace with my strokes and used one hand to brace myself on the tub edge while the other worked me over.

"Tell me you will find me when we're in Rio and pull me into a dark closet and fuck me against the wall...." Roger pleaded as we both began breathing heavily. He seemed to abandon the notion of dirty talk for a plan for our upcoming tour.

"I will sneak into your room in the middle of the night and cover your mouth with my hand as I carry you to the closet and pound you senseless in the dark..." I promised.

"I want you to fuck me and know one else will know..." Roger said in a labored breath as I pictured him moving the vibrator in and out of his hole. Savoring being full and the feeling of the pulsing toy making him squirm and moan.

"I will fuck you every chance I get..." I told him and groaned at the sound of him moaning and the building up of my orgasm. "And no one will know what we're doing..." I added.

"Yes!" Roger shouted and I wondered if he was coming. He made a choked sound and I knew he was. "I'm coming...." Roger breathed out as he panted a bit. "You're voice and the idea of your cock inside me got me off!" he remarked. "So good..." he mumbled.

I kept working on myself and felt I was close but was losing momentum since he had already come. I made a sound of frustration as I felt my chance ebbing away.

"I'm turning you around after you finish and forcing you to bend over and spread your legs..." Roger suddenly announced. I pictured him doing this to me and it helped.

"Yeah?" I said back. Wanting to hear more.

"I'm on my knees and I'm licking up your crack..." Roger informed me. "My tongue is prodding at your entrance and I'm pushing it in to make you moan and squirm..." he described. I felt my feet press into the rug underneath me. My body responding to the notion.

"What else are you putting in there?" I asked him as I sped up my strokes and felt a renewed anticipation of an orgasm.

"I tell you I am putting a finger inside you but I am actually standing up and sliding my lube slicked cock right up you!" he divulged with a sense of amusement. He had done this once before and I would have thought it might have hurt but the excitement of not expecting it and being filled up by him made it a sweet ache. "How does it feel?" he then asked me. I smiled as I squeezed my cock.

"It feels amazing!" I said. "You are perfect for me and I love the feel of you leaning into my back..." I explained.

"I'm leaning over you and I've now got your cock in my hand..." Roger stated and my mouth feel open with desire at the idea of it. "I'm stroking you in time with my thrusts and I think I might take a bite at the bend of your shoulder..." he said and I moaned at the feeling of it all. Wishing it was actually true but trying to be in the moment also.

"Feels really good..." I said with labored breath. My orgasm building up.

"I'm nuzzling at your neck and I'm licking at the bend that meets your shoulder....I want a taste of you..." he advised as my toes curled again.

"Taste me!" I cried out as I felt that familiar rush going through me. I'm right on the cusp.

"My teeth are tugging at your skin and I am slamming myself right into you....your cock is leaking all over my hand!" he explained. I felt my rush swell even more and pressed my toes into the rug.

"I'm gonna!" I cried out.

"Come for me!" Roger pleaded in his raspy voice. "I want you to spill all over me..." he added and I gasped as I felt my cock pulse and begin to spurt over my own hand. It was intense and I kept stroking myself as I unloaded.

"Fuck!" I cried out as my legs quivered and I stroked out the final remnants. I sighed with satisfied relief when I finished.

"That was good..." I mumbled as I leaned over and grabbed a hand towel to clean myself up.

"I meant what I said..." Roger replied. "Find me in the dark and fuck me senseless in Rio..." he directed. It felt so risky. But it also felt daring and illicit.

"We can't get caught..." I reminded him as I wiped myself off and tossed the towel towards the hamper.

"We'll find a way...." he responded. "I need you...." he said in a pleading manner.

"We will....we'll find a way..." I promised.

"I'll call you after my physical tomorrow..." Roger told me.

"Okay..." I replied.

"I need to go...." he said and I nodded as I realized Jimi and Chrissie might be back by now.

"Me too..." I replied. "Love you..." I said.

"Love you too...." he replied and we hung up. Feeling the same regret we always had when we ended a call.

I got up and grabbed the phone and went to walk to the door to return it to my nightstand. There was a knock on the bathroom door that startled me. I instantly wondered if they had heard me and felt a rush of panic.

"Yes?" I asked as I leaned against the door; still clutching the phone.

"I wanted to let you know we're back..." Chrissie replied. "I was going to make something for tea....are you hungry?" she asked. I was hungry. After getting a negative test result and relaxing and then what I just did with Roger, I found myself famished.

"I am..." I replied. "I'll be out soon and will come down...fix whatever you want..." I advised.

"Okay..." she responded. "I hope the bath is helping...." she stated and I formed a wide smile on my face.

"The bath is marvelous!" I replied and tried not to laugh at the fact I was feeling relaxed and happy because of phone sex with my husband.

"Good..." she responded. "See you in a while..." she said and I knew she was leaving my bedroom. I set the phone down on the floor and walked over to the tub and stepped into it as I put the plug back to fill it with water. It was still pretty warm and it felt nice as I sunk down to enjoy the water and savor the aftermath of getting off with Roger. Even over the phone, he still did it for me.

Chapter Text

5th January 1985

London

Roger's POV

"Are you packed?" Dom asked me as I drove from the restaurant where we had dinner to her flat. Tiger Lily was in the back seat. We had gone to a trendy Italian place to eat in Mayfair since I leave tomorrow night for Rio.

"Yes..." I replied as turned down her street. "I was ready a few days back..." I confirmed. She smiled as I pulled into a spot in front of her home. We got out of the car and Tigs and I followed her inside. She wanted to show me a new painting she bought and I was keen to see it. I had gained a new appreciation for fine art and it was something Freddie was excited to hear. So was Dom as she had collected a few things over the years with her earnings.

"What do you think?" Dom asked me as she switched on the lights in her sitting room and showed me the painting. She had explained it was an early piece done by an abstract artist named Willem De Kooning. It was done in black and white and was some kind of lithograph. I liked the imagery and found it relaxing and interesting to look at.

"It's nice.." I responded with an engaged smile. "You said it was one of his early pieces?" I questioned. She nodded and proceeded to give me some history on the painter and why she liked his work. I like how multi faceted Dom is. She has many interests and can speak to each of them with insight and intelligence. It reminded me a bit of Brian to be honest.

"Where's the toilet?" Tigs asked Dom as we spoke. She stopped and guided my daughter to the bathroom and returned to my side as we both gazed at the artwork.

"You have good taste..." I remarked to her as she left my side and walked to her small liquor cabinet.

"Thanks...fancy a nightcap?" she asked me. I shook my head since I'm driving home and Tigs is with me.

"Thanks...but I'll skip it..." I replied. She poured herself something as I walked over and had a seat and pulled out my cigarettes.

"I wanted to talk to you before you go to Rio..." Dom indicated as she took the seat next to mine and sipped her drink as I lit my cigarette.

"What about?" I asked her. She set her glass down and crossed her legs and looked at me intently.

"I wanted to talk to you about helping me have a child..." she stated clearly and calmly. "I know that Brian had to have told you about our talk..." she added. "And with everything that has happened with your situation..." she began to explain. I cut her off to spare her having to say a lot to justify her request.

"Dom...I'll do it!" I interrupted. She stopped talking and smiled at me.

"I'll be 33 in April and I'd really like be pregnant before then..." she told me bluntly. "I just wanted to ask now so you could think on it while you are in Rio...and we could plan for something before you head off to Asia..." she remarked. I understood her reasoning. She is quite practical about such matters. It does make things easy since she doesn't wrap a lot of emotions into everything.

"Alright..." I answered. "I guess that gives us February and March to get it sorted..." I confirmed. She lit a cigarette and smiled at me.

"It means a lot that you would do this for me..." she told me sincerely. "Thank you Roger..." she said as Tiger Lily came back into the room. We both smiled at her and ceased our conversation.

"You about ready to head out?" I asked my daughter. She nodded and walked over to lean against my chair as she watched us both smoke.

"If you're going to have a baby you should both stop smoking..." Tigs suddenly remarked to us. Dominique almost choked on her cigarette. "We had someone from the NHS make a speech at school about how bad smoking is for your health..." she explained. "You ought to quit now...before you get pregnant..." she suggested. Both Dom and I felt compelled to put out our cigarettes as Tigs watched us. It was apparent she had overheard enough of our conversation about having a baby before stepping into the room. I shouldn't be surprised. She is an astute character. Dom raised her eyebrows at me as I got up from my chair and ran my hand through my hair.

"We'll bear that in mind..." I told my daughter as Dom stood up as well and made a light chuckle.

"Let me walk you both out..." she stated as we followed Dom to the front door and grabbed our coats. She looked at Tiger Lily with a touch of admiration as we prepared to leave. "Good luck with the shows Roger and have a safe trip..." she told me as she kissed my cheek. We both noted Tiger Lily watching us as we parted. Tigs and Dom said goodbye and we walked to the car.

Tigs fastened her seat belt as I started the engine and pulled out to head home. I couldn't stop thinking my daughter's comment from earlier.

"I guess you heard me and Dom talking about a baby..." I remarked to her. She turned and looked at me and shrugged.

"I did...but I'd heard some other things said about it before..." she replied. I wondered how many conversations she has overheard that I am not aware of. It was a daunting consideration. "So I will have another brother or sister?" she questioned. I saw no point in being evasive with her. She seems to know more and understand it better than most would at her age.

"Yes..." I answered honestly.

"Does Daddy know?" she asked next.

"Yes...he does..." I assured her as I reached for my cigarettes. Already missing the one I left behind at Dom's place. I saw her watching me as I grabbed them and changed my mind. Suddenly feeling a little guilty for the habit.

"You really should quit..." she stated as I abandoned my packet on seat next to me.

"It's hard to quit..." I replied and saw her set her mouth firmly. I felt a speech coming on.

" Did you know that they said smoking causes cancer?" she informed me. I already knew this. I had seen the ads and read the pamphlet Dr. Roberts had given me.

"Yes..." I replied to show I was listening as I focused on the road. "I know it's bad for your health Tigs...I know..." I quickly assured her. "Dr. Roberts has told me all about it and how I need to quit..." I explained. "I appreciate your concern..." I added. I glanced over and saw she didn't appear appeased by my words.

"It can affect your breathing..." she then pointed out. "How are you going to play drums and sing if you can't breath?" she stated bluntly. I looked over and saw the genuine concern in her face. The guilt I felt grew some more. I let out a sigh.

"I will try to quit..." I said in surrender. "You have to understand Tigs I have smoked for a long time and it may take some time..." I explained. Wanting her to be aware I can't just give it up without a struggle.

"Promise you will try..." she pleaded to me. The tone of her voice made my heart hurt. I nodded as I glanced over at her. Giving her a nod and a smile.

"I promise...I'll try..." I said and felt like this was the worst possible time in my life to attempt it. But I would try.

---------------------------------------

By the time we arrived home Tiger Lily was almost asleep. I got her out of the car and into the house. I went to her room with her and tucked her in after she changed for bed. Since I was leaving tomorrow this would be the last time for a few weeks. She fell asleep right away and I walked out of her room to find Mia coming down the hallway.

"Hey..." I said softly. "Did you have a good evening?" I asked. Mia had gone to dinner with some friends.

"I did...thanks..." she replied. "I wanted to let you know there was a message for you on the answer machine..." she stated. "Something about your test result being negative..." she remarked. It was a relief to hear this. I felt confident it would be negative but knowing for sure was a nice feeling. I smiled widely at her.

"Thanks...I'm going to bed...see you in the morning..." I said as we shared a smile and we went to part ways. I then stopped. Remembering something I wanted to tell her. "Mia..." I said as she stopped and turned to look at me.

"Yes?" she replied.

"Dom and I are going to try for a baby when I get back from Rio..." I informed her. She smiled and nodded understanding. "Tigs knows..." I said so she would be aware. She smirked at me.

"She knows a lot of things..." Mia stated with a certain amount of aplomb. I chuckled in response.

"Yes...she does..." I replied and headed for my room.

I picked up my phone after cleaning up in the bathroom and sat down as I dialed Brian. Eager to give him my test result. The phone rang but he didn't pick up. I got his machine.

"Bri...it's me....my test was negative...I guess we can talk more about it tomorrow on the plane..." I stated. "Love you..." I added and hung up the phone. I then decided to call Dom. I felt we didn't get to finish our conversation at her place.

"Dominique Beyrand..." she answered. Always the professional.

"Hey Dom...it's Roger..." I stated.

"Hi..." she replied.

"I was calling because we didn't get to finish our talk..." I advised. I leaned back in my chair and crossed my legs.

"Your daughter is a remarkable girl..." Dom commented as I smiled.

"She is..." I agreed. "I felt like there was more we needed to say about a baby..."

"I know from Clare how you and Brian managed to get her pregnant...she told me the whole story one night over a bottle of wine..." Dom divulged. "So I can spare you having to give me those details..." she said with a laugh.

"I appreciate that..." I replied and then laughed at the memory. "She doesn't know the best part..." I stated. "The biggest challenge with that whole affair was getting Brian to ejaculate on command..." I confessed and she instantly giggled warmly in the phone.

"I think I need to hear this story..." she said. "Let me get a glass of wine...hang on a minute..." she requested. I leaned over and grabbed my cigarettes and contemplated having one. I knew there was a strong likelihood Tiger Lily would come sleep with me half way through the night. I left them on the table and proceeded to bob my leg up and down to avoid the urge.

"Alright..." Dom said as she returned to the phone. "Tell me everything..." she ordered. I leaned back and smiled. Remembering that time in my life with a touch of whimsy and some sadness for the fact that I had somewhat lost a part of it.
------------------

6th January 1985

London

Brian's POV

"I've got the itinerary right here..." my mother reminded me as I stood and fretted over every little detail. I was leaving my son in the care of my parents for the first time and there were a million things I was worried about. I had grown spoiled with having Mia to care for Jimi and knowing all his quirks and needs. In some ways she probably knew him better than me.

"You can call Mia if you have any questions..." I reminded her. She smiled and nodded.

"I know...you better get going..." she pointed out. She was right. The car was waiting out front and had all my luggage stowed. I leaned over and kissed my mother's cheek.

"Thank you for doing this..." I told her again. I know I have said it about 10 times today but I do appreciate it. She smiled at me as I moved over and pulled Jimi into a hug. He let me press him close and let out a sound of losing air.

"I love you and I'm sorry I'll miss your first day at Hampton..." I said as we embraced.

"It's okay..." he assured me as we let go. I kissed his forehead and then knew I had to leave before I got emotional.

"I love you...and I will call you from Rio..." I reminded him as I grabbed my briefcase. Ready to finally leave.

"Have a safe trip...and good luck with the festival...." my mother said as I walked out the front door. I zipped up my coat as a bitterly cold wind had started. I kept walking to the car as I knew if I looked back I might cry. The guilt about missing my son's first day at his new school and the weight of burdening my parents with his care made my chest hurt as I slid in the car. I went to close the door but saw a car pull up in the drive next to mine. It was Chrissie's car. She got out of her car and reached for something in the front seat and then came running over to me. I stepped out of the car and saw her carrying a plastic box.

"I was afraid I had missed you..." she told me as she breathed heavily and held out the plastic box to me. "I made you something for your trip....since it's hard to get things you like..." she explained. I opened the box and found it was full of her vegetarian canapes she had made for me before. They were really good and I was touched by her thoughtfulness.

"That's lovely Chrissie...thanks..." I said as I found my emotions brimming at the surface. She leaned in to hug me which made it worse.

"Have a good trip Brian and take care of yourself..." she said sincerely. "If you need to talk...you can call me anytime..." she offered. Her kindness made tears slip from my eyes. I had to go and pulled myself away from her. My tears on display as I looked at her and wiped at my face.

"I'm sorry...I've got to go..." I replied as I turned to the car.

"Oh...I didn't mean to upset you..." she said with concern. I wanted to explain but there wasn't time. I felt so overwhelmed and made an impulsive decision.

"Would you ride with me to the airport and the car can bring you back?" I told her as I tried to keep a hold of myself. She smiled warmly at me.

"Of course..." she said and I moved to let her get inside the car and I followed her in.

"I'm ready to go to...you will need to bring her back here once you drop me off..." I explained to the driver. He tipped his cap at me.

"Not a problem Mr. May..." he replied and he pressed the button for the privacy visor to go up as he pulled away from the house. I turned my attention to Chrissie. Needing to say something to her before I leave on the tour.

"Chrissie...I want to thank you for being there for me these past few months..." I began and looked at her earnestly. "You've helped me with my new home and Jimi and been a good listener and a shoulder to cry on..." I pointed out. She smiled at me and reached over and took my hand.

"I've tried to be a good friend..." she replied.

"You've been an amazing friend!" I agreed. "I feel like I might have a difficult time repaying your kindness..." I told her. Something Roger had said came into my mind. "Let me know if there is anything I can ever do for you..." I stated and decided to leave it an open offer. Not specifying what I might be able to offer her. She squeezed my hand.

"I will..." she said and sounded like she might already know what that would be. We sat in silence and held hands as the car drove towards the airport. I waited for her to say what that favor might be. I was afraid to introduce any idea that she may not already have in mind.

"You've been to Rio before...what is it like?" she finally asked to break the silence. I smiled at her.

"It's exciting..." I responded and proceeded to tell her about our previous trip there. I gave her all the interesting details regarding the the sights, the security and immense crowds. She listened with clear interest and for a moment I wished I had invited her along. Maybe a trip was something I could offer her as a thank you.

"Send me a postcard if you get a chance..." Chrissie mentioned when I finished my story about Rio. I smiled at her.

"Have you ever been to Australia?" I asked as we arrived at the airport.

"I haven't...is it lovely too?" she questioned. I nodded.

"It's a fascinating place..." I replied. "I've got some family that lives there and I really enjoy the different terrains they have in one country..." I told her. "If you like...I'd be happy to take you with me when we go in April....as a way of saying thank you for all your help..." I offered. Her face wore a wide smile and she looked right into my eyes.

"I'd love to see Australia!" she said with delight. "Let me think about it and I'll give you my answer when you get home..." she advised.

"Okay..." I told her and saw us pulling up to the departure area at the airport. "I guess I have to go..." I said as the car stopped and the driver got out. I checked my watch and smiled at her. "I'm just on time..." I commented as I heard the driver opening the boot for my cases.

"Have a safe trip and I hope you get some time with Roger..." Chrissie said with sincerity in her voice. I nodded agreement. Hoping for the same.

"Thanks..." I said as I looked at her and felt the moment of department upon me. I leaned closer and kissed her cheek. It took her by surprise and her eyes were wide when I moved away. "See you in a few weeks..." I reminded her as I opened the door.

"Bye..." she said as I slid out of the car and closed the door behind me. Leaving that part of life behind for the moment and preparing to go into tour mode. Well, a new kind of tour mode. One where Roger and I were kept apart. My stomach churned with a mix of excitement to be back on the road and with the anxiety at having to be near my husband but without him at my side.

I went into the airport and met Paul and Jobby inside. Jobby took my guitar case and luggage and disappeared as I checked in and Paul advised me I was the last to arrive. We got on a golf cart and rode to the reserved lounge for our group near our departure gate.

"Any clue as to who the mole is on our crew?" I asked Paul since we were alone. He formed a neutral expression and shook his head.

"Nothing so far..." he replied and patted my leg. "Don't worry...I'm on it!" he reminded me. "How was your holiday?" he asked with a congenial smile. We began to talk briefly about the Christmas break and New Years before we got to the lounge. I felt so weird arriving without Roger. I almost felt naked being without him as I entered the private room. It was noisy and there was already a layer of cigarette smoke wafting in the air from all the smokers in our group.

I heard Roger's voice before I saw him. He was laughing at something. I saw him in a corner seated next to Deacy and they were both smoking and wearing large smiles. He looked relaxed and almost didn't seem affected by our separation. Then he looked up and noticed me and our eyes locked. His smile grew wider and he stood up as Deacy watched. Making eye contact with me for a moment before he turned to extinguish his cigarette.

Roger came walking towards me and I smiled back at him. We were a few feet away from each other when a sense of being watched came over me. I stopped walking and noticed everyone in the room was looking at us. Watching us. I suddenly remembered that one of them was a spy. It seemed like Roger had the same revelation and stopped as well. We glanced at each other with cautious expressions. Roger came up slowly and hugged me.

"Good to see you Bri..." he said in a friendly manner. Before I could react he pulled away from me and shoved his hands in his pockets and took a step back from me. I could see the restraint in his face as we stood and looked at each other. Feeling the room eyeing us and wondering who it was that meant us harm.

"It's good to see you too Rog..." I finally responded. We both fell silent and awkward. Not knowing what to do or say now. Wanting to do and say a million things; but not here.

"There you are!" I heard Freddie declare as he walked up and put his arm around me. He wore a smile as bright as his sunny yellow track suit. "Paul said we are heading for the plane.." he announced to me and everyone else. "I was hoping you would keep me company on the flight..." he requested. I knew he was making sure I wasn't sitting alone since I couldn't sit with Roger. I appreciated his kindness.

"I'd love to Fred..." I replied and he appeared pleased as he gestured at everyone to get moving.

"Come along dears!" he barked to us as we all gathered our things and headed out. I noticed Roger walking behind us with Deacy and saw him give me a slight wink. It helped steel me for the long flight ahead of us. One where my husband would not be falling asleep against my side.

-------------------------------------------------------

12th January 1985

Rio

That line from the book, 'A Tale of Two Cities.' That is what it had been like since we left for Rio. 'It was the best of times and the worst of times.' That is how it felt. Getting to be in Roger's company was marvelous. But being so close and yet so far was practically torture. And knowing someone was watching with malice in mind was agony.

He was always nearby but never at my side. We shared frequent glances and encouraging smiles. Trying to make the best of a bad situation. Our hotel suites were on the same floor but I was at one end and he at the other. Worlds apart in our hearts. I had only the sound of our after hours phone calls; room to room; to ease the ache of being separated.

I found myself carefully eyeing each crew member. Finding it hard to swallow that someone was watching us and would be calling Michael Taylor with reports. I was distracted during our sound check as I noticed one of them looking at me. I hated that I suddenly had mistrust for people I had vehemently trusted on our last tour. Who was it? Who was the spy?

We completed our first show on the 11th and it went over really well. The stadium was filled to the brim with ardent fans and a good time was had by all. The high from that show carried us all and the party continued the next night when EMI Records threw a large all night party in the hotel ballroom. We were staying at the famed Copacabana. A luxury hotel right on the beach.

The four of us along with Jim, our manager and Paul and Crystal arrived at the event. We saw quite a few of the other music artists who were here for the Rock in Rio festival in attendance. I got to meet members of several newer acts. Whitesnake and The Go Go's were at the party. So was Nina Hagen and The Scorpions. I also made the acquaintance of George Benson and the venerable James Taylor. Rod Stewart arrived and began a mock stand off with Freddie as they both tried to dominate the festivities. I ignored their egos and found my way quickly to the nearest barstool. Having too much to drink and wanting to have some kind of fun. Crystal was keeping Roger occupied and I felt out of sorts. Deacy was dancing in the main ballroom and enjoying some floor time with a few of the The Go Go's and one of the Brazilian female artists on the festival roster.

I finished my latest drink and walked around watching the party revelry. I ran into Jim Beach and he took me by the arm and led me towards a quieter part of the ballroom.

"You okay Brian?" he asked me as he gauged my level of drunkenness. I smiled at him as I remained steady on my feet.

"I'm not quite drunk enough to endure the rest of this night..." I answered. He laughed and patted my arm.

"Maybe I can offer you a nice distraction...I heard there is a large mob of fans on the beach outside the hotel....they are all here for Queen..." he informed me. "They are out there singing and chanting..." I smiled hearing it. Loving that the fans were so vocal about their affection for us. I decided to pay them a visit.

"I'm going to go see them..." I announced. Jim took me by the arm and began leading me to the ballroom doors.

"I'll get you some security..." he advised as we headed for the lobby.

Jim found some of our security men and Wally accompanied me out of the back of the hotel down to the beach. I could see the large group of young people and saw they had managed to shape the word Queen with candles in the sand. I walked towards them and waved as one of them spotted me and began shouting my name. Several others started calling out to me. I smiled widely as I reached the crowd. A few other security people were there keeping the crowd in order.

"Ola!" I called out to them and they replied in kind. I tried to remember some basic words in their language. Wanting to show respect for them coming out to see us. "Obrigada!" I shouted to thank them for doing this. Showing up tonight.

"Nos te amamos Brian!" one of the young women shouted at me. I knew the gist of what she was saying. The she loved me. I didn't know the exact words to reply in Portuguese so I blew her a kiss.

"Are they lighting the candles in the sand?" I asked one of the security men I knew spoke English and Portuguese. He turned and spoke to someone standing nearby and turned back to me.

"They want you to light them..." he replied. I smiled and nodded agreement. One of the fans held up a candle and lit it for me and I went over and took it from him. Thanking him. I bent down and began lighting the candles one by one as the crowd watched. They began singing the chorus to 'We Will Rock You' and clapping as I finished lighting their tribute to us. A photographer shouted at me to turn so he could get a picture. I put my hand up in the air like Freddie would and shouted as he took some photos. I stood up and handed off the candle to my security guard. I went over to sign some albums as I had seen several in the crowd holding them along with pens. It felt nice to give them something back after this sweet gesture to the band. I posed for some pictures with some fans as well and then Jim said we should head back inside.

We returned to the ballroom and I was high off my experience with the fans. The party had ramped up and I found a fresh drink and started looking around for my band mates. Wanting to tell them about what happened outside. I spotted Freddie at a table laughing with an entourage that now included Rod Stewart. Their standoff from earlier having ended peacefully. I didn't see Deacy anywhere. I did find Roger walking across the room towards the ballroom exit. He had Crystal and two women with them. I swallowed hard at the image and felt a bit deflated seeing it. Wondering what they were going to do with their company tonight. Trying not to get upset at the idea of it. It could be for show after all. It could be nothing. Then again, it could be what my head was telling me it was.

"Brian!" I heard someone shout. I looked over and saw a group of young women on the dance floor. Two of them were beckoning me to come dance with them. I decided - 'Why not?' I downed my drink and walked over to them. One of the girls pulled me onto the floor. They were about a foot shorter than me but got me positioned between them as they started dancing. I felt drunk and carefree and decided to forget about Roger and all our trouble and let myself get lost in the music and the revelry. Just wanting to not think about everything for a while and be free.

I flailed about and didn't care for once how I was as a dancer. Just wanting to be somewhere else right now. I bumped into a few people and found myself right by Deacy at one point. He smiled at me as I tried to avoid bumping him.

"Reign in those moves..." he cautioned with a giggle as he watched my oversized arms and legs move around. I continued dancing with my female companions and soon found they had moved us around the floor. We were close to the swimming pool on the far end of the ballroom. The music was pulsing heavily around us and in a moment of sheer abandon I grabbed the two girls hands and walked us to the pool edge. Kicking off my shoes in the process. The ladies were laughing and hugging my sides. I smiled before I raised my arms up and then proceeded to dive into the pool. Shouting and laughing as I went in and went under. Letting myself sink to the bottom and float back up. Feeling the pressure of the water and the pounding of the bass from the music playing above the surface.

My head came up above the water and I took a deep breath as I saw several other people jump in around me. The women I was with had joined me in the pool. Everyone started splashing and carrying on. Having fun! We all mucked about and then headed for the steps. Dragging our bodies from the water and being handed some towels and robes by the hotel staff.

"Want to go upstairs together and get out of these wet clothes?" one of the women asked me as she leaned in close. She was quite attractive. Long dark hair and deep set brown eyes. Full lips and an enticing smile. I let my drunken state guide me and smiled at her.

"Sure..." I said back. She took me by the hand and began walking me out of the ballroom. I noticed Deacy watching me as we passed by the dance floor. I ignored him and followed her out of the noisy party and into the lobby. Going straight for the massive row of elevators.

"What floor are you on?" she asked as we stepped into a waiting car. I leaned over and pressed the button for the top floor. She was impressed and leaned closer to me as the lift started moving. She slid her hand across my bare chest as my robe fell open. Her long fingernails skimming the surface of my skin. Almost tickling but making me feel something when they reached my nipple. I giggled a bit but my breath caught when she pinched my nipple and then shifted her body to get in front of mine. She pressed herself up against me and looked longingly into my eyes.

"What's your name?" I asked her. Feeling turned on but finding it odd I didn't know her name.

"Claudia..." she told me in a low voice as she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my chest. She only reached my upper chest in height and ran her hands up my arms. It left me tingly. It also left me realizing she expected us to go back to my room and do things. While part of me wanted to; another part of me didn't want any of this. I realized I had let things go too far. I shouldn't have asked her up to my room. An uncomfortable feeling came over me as she went to move one of her hands down my stomach. Heading for my crotch. I reached out and stopped her.

"Wait!" I said and she stopped and looked up at me.

"You want to wait until we get to your room?" she questioned. I shook my head as I reached down to pull her hands from me.

"Stop...I'm not doing this...I'm sorry..." I told her as I shifted away from her body and stepped into the corner of the lift. Wanting some space between us. She smiled at me.

"You too shy?" she questioned as she started to walk towards me again. I held my hands up to stop her movements.

"I'm married...." I stated. Claudia kept coming towards me. Moving almost like a slinky cat.

"Is your wife here?" she asked me. My husband was, but I couldn't say it.

"Yes..." I lied to fend her off. She gave me a disappointed expression and took a step towards the panel of buttons. Pressing the floor before the one I had chosen.

"Enjoy your stay in Rio..." she told me sincerely as the lift stopped and she blew me a kiss as she stepped out. I let out a sigh of relief as the door closed and the lift resumed going up. I had too much to drink tonight and knew I needed to curb it going forward. I pulled my robe back around me and tightened the belt. The door opened on my floor and I saw it was empty. Quiet. I remembered everyone was downstairs at the party. Well, except wherever Roger and Crystal had gone with those women. I tried to not think about it as I walked to my suite. I got the door open and stepped inside. I turned on the lights and began removing my clothes as I walked to my bathroom. I wanted some dry things to wear and considered a shower since I had been in the pool.

I went to peel off my wet jeans when I heard a sound in my room. It startled me and I turned to see Roger standing in the doorway. It almost made me jump.

"Jesus!" I shouted and my heart was thundering in my chest as I clutched at my breast. He leaned against the door and looked at me. Wearing his leering smile.

"Sorry..." he told me as he looked me up and down. I caught my breath and tried to calm down as he kept looking at me.

"What are you doing here?" I questioned. The fear of his action building. What if someone had seen him come into my room? He walked towards me.

"Everyone is at that party..." he pointed out. "Crystal and I purposely left with those women in front of a lot of witnesses and some photographers..." he remarked as he stood in front of me and looked down at my jeans.

"What happened to the woman you were with?" I questioned.

"Crystal is going to enjoy double the fun tonight..." Roger informed me with a raised eyebrow and a smirk on his lips. His eyes resumed looking at my jeans. "Those jeans are terribly wet and terribly tight babe..." he commented as he reached out for my zipper. I thought he was going to help me unzip them but his hand moved downward and cupped me instead. "Not that I'm complaining...." he remarked as he stroked my cock through my wet jeans and I gasped at the sensation. A wave of lust shot through me as he gazed into my eyes and gave me a look that said he was horny.

I grabbed him and began kissing him as we both walked towards the large vanity. Roger let me lift him up to sit on it as he wrapped his legs around me and we began kissing passionately. Desperately. I was instantly hard and my snug jeans almost hurt as I grinded against him.

"I've got to get out of these jeans..." I told him as we shared open mouth kisses and pawed at each other. Roger moved his hands down between us and reached for my zipper. I pulled away from him so he could help me get them off.

"You jumped in the pool..." he commented as we both managed to peel the jeans off my waist and down my legs. Trying to do so quickly because we wanted to get naked with each other.

"I did..." I told him as I finally stepped out of my jeans and quickly tugged my briefs down. Roger reached for my cock and I groaned at the feel of his warm hand on my raging erection.

"You crazy bastard..." he told me with a chuckle as he removed his own clothes and I picked him up and moved him against the bathroom wall. He kept his legs wrapped around me as we grinded into each other and kissed like it might be the last time.

"I need you to hurry up and fuck me before the others return to their rooms..." Roger commanded. I understood what he meant.

"Okay..." I told him with panted breath. He gestured towards the vanity and I saw a tube of lubricant laid out as he walked over and faced the mirror. I got behind him and grabbed the lubricant. I warmed some on my fingers and quickly lathered his entrance and then coated myself with some. Roger leaned forward and braced himself against the vanity as I grabbed his hip and used my other hand to guide me inside of him.

It was fast and it was fantastic as I fucked him over the vanity counter. Seeing us both in the mirror as I moved against him was intoxicating. Me gripping his hips and his face registering intense arousal. My own reflection showing me my open mouth and wide eyes. Seeing my image as I leaned over and kissed at his shoulder. Panting into his neck and savoring the feel of him and the scent of him.

I took hold of his cock as I got close to finishing. Stroking him and finding our breathing matching up as I came inside him with a gasp. I soon had Roger unloading on my hand and we both tried to catch our breath as he turned and kissed me.

"I've got to go..." he declared as he quickly reached for his clothes on the floor. I watched him get dressed and we shared a few more urgent kisses as he walked to the room door. When we got there he stood against the wall as I quietly opened my door and looked out. It was lowly lit and quiet. No one had come back yet.

It's clear..." I told him as I opened the door wider. Roger quickly moved and pressed a kiss to me before darting out and padding down the hall to his suite at the other end. He pulled his key from his pocket as he reached the door and slipped inside. I closed my door and leaned against the wall. Feeling sexually sated but emotionally robbed of getting to hold him all night in bed.

The telephone rang and I rushed over to answer it. I knew who it was.

"I love you..." Roger said when he knew I had picked up. I smiled as I laid down on the bed naked.

"I love you too..." I told him. "You didn't even clean up..." I pointed out as I realized I was a bit of a mess myself.

"I want to sleep with your scent on me tonight..." he replied. "With you inside me..." he said and I felt a rush of arousal and affection for his words. I tugged my bedclothes out from under me as I got into bed. Keeping the phone at my face.

"I'm doing the same..." I told him. I got comfortable as he began talking to me about the discussion he had with Dom before he left. A discussion about a baby. I listened and accepted that when we got home from Rio, things were going to change. It wasn't anything new. We had talked about this eventuality. I still felt a sadness at the reality of what the future held.

We still hadn't figured out who was spying on us. Michael Taylor was alive and well and living off our money and our fear of exposure. For now, we had the evidence of our passion on our bodies and our voices over the phone. We both heard loud voices in the hallway 20 minutes later and realized we had really been lucky tonight. Next time may not bode so well for us. So the possibility of a next time felt pretty fruitless.

I fell asleep with Roger's voice in my head and a resolve to keep him in my heart no matter what.

Chapter Text

14th January 1985

Rio

Deacy's POV

"Phoebe...can we ask for some of those yellow orchids for my suite?" Freddie requested as we strolled through the orchid section of the Botanical Gardens. We had found a particular specimen of orchid called 'Yellow Phalaenopsis Orchid.' It was a bright sunny yellow with a pinkish red center and I found I liked them as well.

"I'll check with the concierge when we get back to the hotel..." Phoebe replied as Freddie smiled with satisfaction.

"They are lovely..." I commented as we continued on through the display.

"You should have some sent to Ronnie..." Freddie suggested. It was a nice idea. We strolled side by side and viewed the other parts of the garden. Phoebe was next to Freddie and had his camera. It was a warm sunny day and it was nice to be outside. We were both wearing warm up suits and trainers. Enjoying a day off from being rock stars. Brian was visiting the National Observatory and Roger and Crystal were invited on a day out on a sailboat. Each of us had a security detail with us. Ours was walking several feet behind us. Trying to give us some measure of privacy as we played tourist. "Isn't your wedding anniversary in a few days?" Freddie pointed out. I nodded.

"It is...the 18th actually..." I replied. It was on the date of our final show in Rio. Ronnie knew this and was fine with it. So used to me being gone on tour during important dates. It had just been a part of our life since we started dating so she was used to it. It did make me think about the idea of taking her to Japan. Roger thought it was a good plan.

"I was thinking of taking her to Japan..." I told Freddie. "Kind of an anniversary trip..." I explained. He smiled at me.

"That's a lovely idea...she's never been and will love it!" he remarked. "You must bring her along!" he encouraged. We walked up to look at some fuchsia-colored orchids called 'Venus Slipper.' I turned to see Phoebe taking a photo of Freddie and I together and then he walked off to look at some red flowers on the other side of the aisle.

"I will bring her..." I answered Freddie regarding his suggestion. "We need to get away together...things have been a bit strained between us..." I admitted to him. Freddie looked at me with concern.

"Did something happen? What's the matter?" he questioned. I didn't know where to begin.

"We live such different lives..." I began. "I am gone so much with touring and recording and living this life...and she is always at home...being a Mum and taking care of the house and all..." I explained. "Some of the mutual friends we used to have somehow fell out of our lives and we now have separate friends...separate interests..." I admitted. "When I get home it's harder to adjust...you know...we've grown apart..."

"It is hard to have a normal life...a home life..." Freddie agreed with an expression of understanding. "I know it's caused issues with my own love life..." he told me. It was true. Some of the men he pursued weren't interested in going on tour with him and didn't want to wait around for him to come home either.

"I guess Brian and Roger had the best arrangement..." I remarked. Seeing how their being a couple granted them time together whether on the road or at home. Until the mess with Roger's father tore that apart.

"It was an ideal arrangement..." Freddie concurred and then formed a look of dismay at considering the same thing I was. The fact they can't be together now. "Until that dreadful man forced them apart..." he remarked with disgust. We both shared a look of sadness at seeing our band mates and friends forced to split up because of the threats made by Mr. Taylor.

"Any idea who the spy in our ranks is?" I asked Freddie. He shook his head and sighed.

"No...and Paul has said he hasn't found any evidence as to who it might be yet..." Freddie stated. I patted Freddie's arm.

"We will find them and see to them..." I assured him. Freddie nodded and smiled at me.

"Speaking of insidious creatures..." Freddie replied. "Let's go see the carnivorous plants..." he proposed. I smirked at his quip and followed as he headed out of the greenhouse.

We found ourselves alone as we walked to the next greenhouse. Phoebe had remained behind to see some more of the orchids and our security was about 20 feet back. We both stood looking at a 'Waterwheel plant' and reading about how it captures its prey. It made me think of how we might set a trap to capture the spy in our crew. It made me sad that my mind was occupied with that and not just enjoying my visit to the garden. It was also occupied with my troubled marriage and my lingering thoughts about Freddie.

"What are you doing after the gardens?" I asked him. Freddie shrugged.

"Probably just resting in my suite..." he replied. "I'm taking a night off from the revelry...saving my voice..." he remarked. It made sense as too many nights of heaving drinking always did his voice in. He had become overtly aware of his limits in his older age. I had an idea.

"Want to have a night in together?" I proposed. Freddie looked up at me and smiled warmly.

"That would be lovely dear..." he replied and kept his smile as we strolled on to look at some other species of aggressive plants.

------------------------------------------

"We have everything we need...enjoy your night off..." Freddie told Phoebe as he left the room. I had just arrived as Phoebe headed out. After returning to the hotel I freshened up and changed clothes and joined Freddie in his suite. He had ordered dinner for us from room service and it had arrived and been served to us on his oversized balcony. It was a warm evening and the sun was starting to set as we sat and enjoyed our seafood. After finishing we moved to the lounge chairs to watch the sun slip down past the ocean's horizon. I lit a cigarette and offered one to Freddie. He took it and I lit it for him. We both were silent as we savored the relaxing evening. Away from the crew and security and media.

"Want another drink?" I asked Freddie as I got up to pour myself a fresh one. He nodded as I went in and poured two vodkas over some ice. I carried them out and handed him one as I took my seat next to his.

"Thanks..." he said as I sipped my drink. He rested his glass in his lap and looked at me.

"Who could have imagined 10 years ago we would be doing this..." Freddie commented. I smiled at him. It was remarkable to find us seated on the balcony of the Presidential Suite in a luxury hotel in Rio De Janeiro. Wealthy and famous music stars.

"I was busy getting married and preparing for a baby and worrying about paying my bills.." I reminded him. January of 1975 had been a time of mixed emotions for me. Worried about the band's future and my own.

"I remember it was about this time that Mary confronted me about my affairs..." Freddie reminisced. "She told me she knew I was gay..." he stated. I was curious about something.

"Did you ever tell her about us?" I asked. Freddie shook his head.

"No..." he replied. "She never asked about you and the issue at hand was about David..." he recalled. "At that time you and I had parted ways as lovers so I felt it was none of her business...and I didn't need more people knowing about us..." I appreciated his discretion but was surprised. He and Mary had remained so close and I had wondered what all she knew.

"I appreciate that..." I told him. "Not many people know and it has helped keep it from Ronnie..." Freddie gave me a curious look.

"So you never told her about us then..." he inquired.

"No..." I confirmed. "I should have told her before we got married and then that chance passed...and I felt if I told her now..." I didn't finish my sentence. I wasn't sure what she would say or do.

"You're afraid she would force you to quit the band..." Freddie put into words. It was what I feared might happen.

"Yes..." I agreed. Freddie sat his glass down and looked at me with concern.

"If she did ask you to quit...what would you do?" he questioned.

"I don't know..." I answered honestly as I rubbed my finger on my glass. "I don't know..." I repeated with uncertainty and sighed heavily.

"I guess it's a good thing she doesn't know then..." Freddie said out loud. I felt the moment was upon me to ask him. That question that had lingered inside me for some time. My heart started racing.

"What if I made a mistake?" I said out loud.

"What mistake is that?" Freddie immediately asked but his expression told me he knew what I meant.

"Not choosing you..." I quietly confessed. Our eyes locked and I could see his mind was spinning as fast as mine was. He suddenly got up from his lounge chair and walked into the suite. I wasn't sure what he was thinking and got up to go after him. I walked into the living area and didn't see him there. I went to his bedroom and found the door was ajar. I peered inside and saw him going into his bathroom.

"Freddie..." I said carefully as I entered the bedroom and walked to the bathroom. He was leaning against the vanity with his palms of his hands resting on the counter and looking in the mirror. Freddie looked up at me in the reflection and we both stood still. Just looking at each other. There was an intensity in his face. His mouth set firmly behind his moustache. Those deep eyes boring into my soul.

"You know I still have feelings for you..." Freddie finally declared as we continued our shared gazed through the mirror. I nodded understanding to him. Ready to confess as well.

"Me too..." I replied. He suddenly turned around and came towards me. Grabbing at my shoulders and pushing me back towards the wall behind me. My back hit the wall and he was searching my face; my eyes; for something. I realized he was searching for permission. I leaned forward and caught his lips with mine. Telling him without words he could have me if he wanted me.

My heart thundered in my chest as our mouths hungrily worked together and quickly opened to invite a deeper kiss. That familiar taste of his tongue tangling with my own felt amazing. Every sensory memory of being with him erupted and I found myself pressing him closer. Wanting to absorb him as we devoured each other with kisses.

"John..." he muttered to me in a pleading voice. "Please..." he beckoned as he shifted his mouth down and across my throat. He was wanting to know we could be together.

"Yes..." I told him with labored breath. "Yes..." I said again as he pulled away from me and took my hand and led me towards his massive king size bed. We both moved quickly and fell onto it. Kicking our shoes off as he rolled on top of me and reached for the hem of my shirt. I helped him pull it off me as it was flung aside and Freddie quickly tossed his own shirt in the same direction. His mouth began moving across my throat and chest as he kissed and nipped at me. His hands firmly holding me as I laid pliant. Accepting whatever he wanted to give me.

When I found my chance I reached down to tug off my joggers. The need to be with him consuming me. Freddie helped me get them pulled down and I used my legs to work them off as he yanked my briefs down as well. I was already achingly hard and the feel of his hand taking my cock made me moan. It had been so long since we had been together like this. Ten bloody years! But it felt amazing! I got a good feel of his solid body. He was still lean but different. Defined muscles and heavier than he used to be.

"Your mustache tickles..." I told Freddie with a lusty laugh as he worked his mouth down my body. Kissing my stomach. One hand on my cock and the other spread over my chest. He looked up and smirked at me as he shifted to get between my legs. Spreading them as he knelt between them. We locked eyes for a moment and I saw his face change from desire to wariness.

"I want to be with you..." Freddie told me. "But we need to be careful..." he stated in a very subdued voice. I lifted up to look at him as I rested on my elbows. Knowing instinctively what he was referring to. Another lingering question I had popped into my head.

"Freddie...have you been tested?" I asked him. Roger had told me that he and Brian both had tests done before the tour. They were negative. I wasn't surprised. Freddie shook his head but remained silent. He kept his eyes right on mine.

"My doctor doesn't think they're accurate enough...yet..." he explained. "I don't think I need one..." he remarked confidently and then paused. "But I won't take any chances with you..." he told me in a firm tone. He moved from between my legs and got off the bed and walked to his nightstand. He opened it as I watched and pulled out some lube and condoms. He came over and sat next to me on the bed. The items still in his hand.

"I'm glad you're being careful..." I told him sincerely. He smiled at me and leaned down to share a kiss.

"Some things in this life are too precious to risk..." he told me sweetly. I grabbed him by the arms and pulled him down on top of me. Resuming what we had started. He let the lube and condoms fall onto the bed at my side as he purposely rolled us both over to get me on top of him. I smiled and bent down to kiss him with all the fire that had stayed dormant for the past 10 years.

We both soon had our remaining clothes off and laid next to each other. Feeling how hairy both our chests had become over the years. His hair held that intoxicating scent he wore and I nuzzled my face against him to enjoy it. We returned to kissing and began stroking each other. Freddie fell onto his back as I kept stroking him. He spread his legs and I reached for the lube and condoms. It felt strange wearing a condom to make love to him. I had worn them before. When I had strayed on tour I always wore one. Never wanting to risk getting V.D. or getting a stranger pregnant. Never wanting to bring something unwelcome home to my wife.

"I love you..." I told Freddie as I moved closer and he wrapped his legs loosely around me. His expression told me he felt the same as I pressed into him.

"I love you too..." he cooed as he watched me move up inside him. His legs wrapped tighter as I finished sliding in. It was the same warmth and tightness I remembered. The same look of desire and anticipation on Freddie's face. We both began moving together and worked to take each other to that place of bliss. Heightened awareness yet feeling like a dream. I gazed into his eyes and kept hold of him as I thrust steadily into him. Enjoying his sounds and his hands grabbing onto me. Clawing at my sides and at my back.

"You have the most amazing cock!" Freddie whined to me as I picked up the pace. Feeling the brink of my orgasm approaching. I slid my hand over and took hold of his cock. Wanting to get him there as well.

Now we were both panting and grunting. Heading for our finish. He gasped loudly and clenched around me as he erupted over my hand. I kept up my thrusts as he finished climaxing and then I reached my own finish. Remaining inside him as I emptied into the condom. Freddie pulled me down into a heavy kiss and kept hold of me as I caught my breath. Our hot sweaty bodies locked together.

I pulled out after a minute and pressed a kiss to his mouth before rolling over to cool off. The room felt hot and humid. My breathing slowed down and we both laid side by side in silence. I sat up and scooted off the bed. Tugging the condom off as I grabbed some tissues and folded it up inside them. I went to his bathroom and tossed it in the waste bin.

"Thirsty?" I called to Freddie. I didn't get an answer but found him walking into the bathroom.

"Grab that water..." he requested as he reached in the glass stall and turned on the shower. I grabbed the bottle of water on his vanity and followed him into the double sized shower stall. I took a large drink and handed it to him. I stepped under the water and began to rinse off in the cool spray.

"Want some more?" Freddie asked as he showed me the bottle.

"I'm good.." I replied as I heard him set the bottle in the corner and then his hands were soaping me up. He stood behind me and worked on cleaning me as I closed my eyes and savored the intimacy of the shower. Instantly recalling the showers taken together in our past. Memories filling my head.

"You've still got that mole..." Freddie remarked with affection as he ran some soap between my thighs. It tickled and I giggled a bit.

"Yep..." I replied and shifted my leg. "Tickles.." I told him and he purposely ran his fingers lightly over my inner thigh to torture me. "Stop!" I playfully whined and he did as I asked and wrapped his arms around me.

"I'd ask you to stay the night..." he said but didn't finish his words.

"We both know that's a bad idea..." I said back. "We don't want anyone knowing about this..." I pointed out.

"Yes.." he agreed with a disappointed sigh. It would have been nice to share a bed all night.

"Let's get cleaned up..." I told him. He released his hold on me and I reached for the soap. "You're turn..." I advised and he smiled as I began to suds up his chest.

-----------------------------------------

I pulled my shirt over my head and Freddie carried my shoes to me.

"Thanks..." I replied as I sat to put them on. Freddie stood in his silk dressing gown and watched me. "What are you doing after we return home?" I asked him as I finished dressing.

"I've got my promotional stuff for my solo album..." he replied. I had forgot he was ready to release the record. It had been a work in progress for almost two years.

"What's the release date?" Freddie walked over and lit a cigarette.

"April 9th is the first single...the album comes out at the end of that month..." he advised.

"And if this album is a massive hit?" I questioned plainly. Wanting to know what happens if he has marked success as a solo artist. What would happen to Queen? He smiled at me.

"Let's cross that bridge when we get to it..." he replied. I wasn't keen on his answer but knew he also wanted to avoid being too boastful in case it flopped. Roger had never had measured success with his solo albums. Freddie was aware of this fact. I stood up and we walked towards the door to his suite.

"Good luck with the album....I mean it..." I told him sincerely. He seemed touched by my wish.

"Thank you dear..." he said and leaned in for a kiss. When we finished I took his cigarette from his hand and took a drag. "Take it..." he suggested. I nodded and kept the cigarette as we kissed again.

"We can talk about the future tomorrow..." Freddie told me with a confident smile. I nodded agreement.

"Get some rest..." I reminded him. "Big show in a few days..." I pointed out.

"I'll be good..." he assured me. "Good night John..." he said quietly. He doesn't often call me by my first name and I found it sweet.

"Good night Freddie..." I said and leaned in for another quick kiss before I turned and walked out his door.

-------------------------------------

15th January 1985

Roger's POV

"I do need stamps...thanks..." I confirmed to the assistant we had for our time in Rio. Yula was Brazilian and spoke English and Portuguese. She had accompanied me on a brief shopping excursion this morning to buy some postcards and souvenirs. Crystal was checking out the t-shirts as I selected some postcards from the rack on the wall.

"You have a daughter?" Yula questioned. I smiled and nodded. Wishing I could say I had a son as well. "What is her name?"

"Tiger Lily..." I answered. I got the usual surprised expression. People found it so remarkable.

"Like Peter Pan?" she instantly asked. I smiled.

"Yes..." I confirmed.

"I love that story..." she remarked as we walked over to Crystal. We all began chatting about the book and the Disney film. We paid for our purchases and headed out of the gift shop. We were walking past a baby shop and Yula stopped. She grabbed her stomach and smiled at us.

"I'm having a baby..." she announced as she patted her tummy. She couldn't be far along as she wasn't really showing. I smiled. Happy for her.

"Congratulations!" I replied. "Is it your first?" I asked her. She nodded.

"Yes...I'm due in July..." she answered.

"I was born in July...the 26th..." I remarked and her face lit up.

"That's my due date!" she exclaimed with surprise. I was surprised as well. I put my arm around her.

"If it's a boy you'll have to name it Roger..." I suggested. She laughed at me.

"We will see what my husband has to say about that..." she reminded me. Crystal laughed.

We talked about babies on the way back to the hotel. Yula left Crystal and I in the lobby as she was helping with some translation for an interview Freddie was doing in a few minutes. Crystal and I got in the lift and headed upstairs. The good mood from the chat with Yula remained.

"I guess you'll be next...eh?" Crystal remarked. "A baby with Dom?" he questioned. I guess he was right.

"That's the idea..." I confirmed. "She wants to get it done before we're off on tour again..." I explained.

"You ready to be a father again?" he asked. I shrugged.

"I wouldn't mind...though it feels wrong with me not being able to see Jimi..." I commented.

"There's nothing you can do about that for now..." he pointed out. I sighed at the reminder.

"I know..." I replied. "Any idea who it could be?" I asked. Wondering if he had any updates about the hunt for the spy. He shook his head and looked dour.

"No...and don't worry...in my book no one is above suspicion..." he promised. "I've got my eye on everyone..." I wondered if that included a certain someone.

"Does that include Paul?" I asked pointedly.

"It certainly does..." he assured me.

"Good!" We both shared an expression of wariness regarding Paul.

"You know he's getting on everyone's wick these days as it is..." Crystal stated as the door to the lift opened and we stepped out. Finding the hallway empty.

"I know he's caused some problems with our press relations..." I commented as Crystal nodded agreement.

"He's got a bloated ego..." Crystal said and I nodded agreement.

"That he does..." I concurred. Crystal lit a cigarette as we approached my suite.

"Someone's going to put him in his place if he isn't careful..." he cautioned. I knew the crew didn't care for him. He had a sense of self importance that caused tension with them all. I hoped that Freddie would wear out as well and we could let Paul go. We reached my door and I pulled out my key.

"Rog!" I heard Brian's voice and saw him walking down the hall from his suite. He was carrying a wrapped box and I wondered who the gift was for.

"Hey...." I replied as he walked up and held out the box. I saw it was covered in pink sparkled paper.

"Could you get this to Tiger Lily when we go home?" he requested. I took the box from him.

"Of course..." I replied.

"What is it?" Crystal asked. I figured out what it was before Brian answered.

"It's a snow globe...I get her one every time we go on tour..." Brian replied.

"Oh right..." Crystal said as he remembered Brian's routine.

"I know a lot has changed but I wanted to keep this tradition..." Brian said as I smiled at him.

"She'll be happy you did..." I assured him. We shared a look of understanding between us. It was interrupted by the sound of noise coming from Freddie's suite. The door opened and he stepped out along with Paul and Jim and Phoebe. He waved to us.

"I'm off to sell some records!" he shouted to us in a playful tone. "Someone has to work around here!" he teased. We all grinned at him as I gave him the bird. They moved into the lift and I returned my attention to Brian.

"You two want some privacy?" Crystal asked. Brian shook his head.

"I'm actually headed for Deacy's..." Brian answered. "We were going to play a game..." he informed us.

"I remembered to get some postcards..." I boasted to Brian and held up my plastic sack. He appeared impressed.

"It only counts if you fill them out and mail them..." he reminded me in a parental tone. I stuck my tongue out at him and we shared a warm smile as he turned to head for Deacy's suite.

"I'll call you when I get back to my room..." Brian told me as we parted company.

"Alright..." I replied as he walked away and I watched him plod down to the other suite. His clogs making a muted sound on the thick carpet.

"This new normal is weird...." Crystal remarked as I opened the door to my suite.

"This new normal sucks!" I replied as I closed the door behind us.

--------------------------------------------------

Deacy's POV

I had woke up with the light of a new day and some misgivings about my actions the night before. It had been amazing to be with Freddie again. Connecting with him intimately and sharing a rekindled passion. Those feelings from so long ago remained. But as I sat up in bed and saw the photograph of my family on the nightstand, I wondered if anything had really changed.

If I left my wife and pursued a relationship with Freddie, the secret would get out. We are too high profile for a divorce to slip under the media radar. If I left home and moved in with him, it wouldn't go unnoticed. The same dilemma I had 10 years ago remained and was amplified by fame and an eager press. I love Freddie but wasn't sure I could endure the fallout from choosing to be with him. It would also expose Brian and Roger to scrutiny and possible exposure. Something they had worked so hard to avoid. The happy framed picture of my wife and children stared back at me. Reminding me of their existence and that they mattered too. A scandal of this nature would damage them all.

I was plagued by thoughts of last night throughout the day. I had a brief interview with a Japanese music magazine and found it difficult to concentrate. I managed to get through the chat and escaped to the sanctuary of my hotel suite. I found the wet bar and downed a few drinks and remembered I had promised to play a round of backgammon with Brian.

Now I sat in my suite and listened as Brian knocked on the door and wondered what I should do. I wasn't in the mood for company and needed to sort out my head. I got up from the corner of the sofa and walked to my door. I peered through the hole and saw it was Brian. I decided to lie.

"Hey Bri....sorry...I just woke up...I've got a headache..." I told him. I saw his face form a worried frown through the peephole.

"You alright?" he asked me through the door.

"I've taken something and I'm going to lie back down...I'll be okay..." I replied.

"Feel better...call me if you want to play later on...." he proposed and began to walk away. I watched as he headed back to his suite. I felt bad but needed to be alone right now. I also needed to let Freddie know we couldn't continue beyond what had happened last night.

I went to the desk and opened the drawer. I pulled out some hotel stationery and a pen and sat down to write him a letter. Explaining that I had loved what we shared last night but realized we couldn't do this again. He would always have my love but I needed to find a way to fix things with Ronnie and carry on. I would start with sending flowers and an invitation to come to Japan with me. Freddie would see this was for the best for everyone concerned in the end.

I began to write the words I needed to say to him and heard a knock. I turned to get up and saw a note being slid underneath the door. I walked over and picked it up. Hoping it wasn't something ominous. It was an envelope with my initials on it. I recognized the handwriting. I opened the envelope and pulled out a folded piece of stationery.

--------------------
John -

I think we both know that today brings perspective and the knowledge of what we know is best. Best for us, our families and the band.

Thank you for a beautiful evening and for making me feel young again.

Love

F
---------------------

I laughed out loud as I read his words. So brief and to the point. Pragmatic and responsible. But softened by his sentiment. He had beaten me to the punch and made this easy for me. I felt gratitude and relief reading it. I also felt a little sad about what might have been; but made impossible by the world we live in.

I picked up the phone to dial the concierge.

"Good afternoon Mr. Deacon..." the gentleman answered.

"Good afternoon..." I replied. "I was calling to see if I could arrange some flowers...they're for my wife..."

Chapter Text

22nd January 1985

London

Brian's POV

I was standing somewhere unfamiliar and looked around. Not sure where I was or why I was here. I turned to see a large group of people and realized I was standing in a church. I was looking at the people sitting in the pews who were looking back at me expectantly. It made me feel nervous. Then I could hear music and saw everyone stand up. I saw someone dressed as a bride start walking down the aisle. Everyone was smiling and looking at her. Her face covered by a veil. I couldn't see who she was and began to realize she was walking my way.

I felt quite anxious as she drew nearer. Was I getting married? Who was I getting married to? My heart started beating rapidly and I felt hot and sweaty. I tried to tell myself 'I can't get married! I'm already married to Roger!' I could feely myself thinking it. It didn't seem to stop the bride from marching forward. She was a few feet away and I turned to see a priest standing there wearing a smug grin. Enjoying his moment of attention apparently. I looked down and saw I was dressed in a dark blue suit and had a sprig of lavender on my lapel. Shit! I took a deep breath as the bride came up to me.

My heart was racing as I felt I was going to get married and couldn't stop it. I hoped maybe someone would object and went to move as the bride came up to the altar. I swallowed hard as I took a step. I was suddenly brushed aside as Roger came up to block me. I felt a rush of relief that he was there to stop this madness.

I then saw him turn and take the hand of the mystery bride and then face the priest. I realized Roger was the one getting married! And I was his best man! My heart began pounding again as he reached over and lifted the veil and I saw it was Dominique. She was heavily pregnant and was wearing a large diamond engagement ring on the hand he was holding. I turned and saw Roger's Mum smiling and crying. And next to her was Michael Taylor. His arm around her and looking proud as his son prepared to marry a respectable mate.

My eyes flew open and I gasped out loud as I sat up in bed. Still feeling my head and my heart reeling from what I had just witnessed. I was relieved to find it was just a dream. A nightmare really. But only a dream. A stupid dream that made me groan with dismay.

I wiped at my damp forehead and looked over at the clock. It was only 11:30pm. I was so turned around on my time. We had arrived home from Rio and I was still trying to get back in a regular time routine. I pulled back my bedclothes and went to the bathroom and got a drink of water. I needed to shave and ignored my state as I walked back to bed. Feeling wide awake and a bit shaken from that dream. I tried not to read into it and sighed as I sat in bed and pulled the covers back over me. It was a cold night.

I knew sleep would evade me and considered getting up to watch some tv. I then reached for the phone and dialed a number. It wasn't that late so I took a chance.

'You've reached my machine...you know what to do...'

"Hey Rog...it's me...just wondering if you were up....can't sleep..."

I waited to see if he was there and just screening his calls. He never picked up so I hung up. Feeling frustrated and lonely. I leaned over and dialed another number.

"Hello..."

"Hi Chrissie...it's Bri...I hope I didn't call too late..."

"I'm up...it's fine...I told you to call anytime..."

"I know but I'd hate to wake you..."

"How are you faring with the jet lag?"

"I'm still a bit off...but I'll get there..." I told her. "How was your day?" I asked. Wanting to talk about something besides me for a change.

"Good...I worked the clinic at the youth shelter and then had a fund raising committee meeting...we raised almost 10,000 pounds at our holiday event...I can thank you for some of that windfall.." she replied. I smiled hearing it.

"I'm glad to help...." I reminded her.

"Since I've got you I was wondering if you might be interested in stopping by the shelter sometime...you're so good with kids and hearing from one of their idols might encourage some of the ones who are struggling with motivation..." she proposed. It sounded like a nice distraction from my situation at the moment.

"Sure...I just ask that it not be publicized to the media..." I responded. "We can get a photo for the fan club but I'd prefer to not have the newspapers there..." I requested.

"Of course...we can keep it private...and we'd just have it be a surprise...no advance notice so we can avoid people showing up that wouldn't normally be there..." she explained.

"That sounds feasible..." I replied. "We'd better it plan it soon...I've got the next tour leg in a few months..." I reminded her.

"That's right...' Chrissie stated. "About Australia..." she then said and I wondered if she was going to decline my offer of going with me.

"Yes?"

"I think I'll accept your generous offer..." she told me. I was surprised and was happy to hear she would go.

"Wonderful!" I responded. "I will get the itinerary and give you the dates..." I added.

"I just grabbed my schedule for the shelter..." Chrissie advised. "Would it be too soon to do it this Friday afternoon?" she inquired. I had no plans other than spending time with Jimi once he was out of school.

"That works for me..." I replied.

"That's brilliant!" Chrissie said with clear excitement. "I will phone the director in the morning and let her know..." she advised. "Now tell me what you have seen of Australia so I can decide what to get excited about..." she requested. I felt she was trying to give me something to distract myself from my insomnia and was grateful.

"Wait until you see the Sydney Opera house!" I said and began telling her about what she could expect on the trip.
==========================

London

Roger's POV

"Want some more wine?" I asked Dom. She shook her head.

"I'm good..." she responded. I filled my own glass from the bottle and sat it down. Watching her as she took a bite of her cake. She had invited me over to dinner once I returned from Rio. It was time to talk tactics to get her pregnant.

"I've almost given up smoking..." she suddenly announced. I smiled at her.

"That's quite admirable! I know how tough it is to give it up!" I replied. She smiled as she patted her stomach.

"It's a good thing you get fat when you're pregnant...it will hide the weight I'm sure to gain from trying to quit..." she told me. I laughed at her remark. Enjoying her outlook.

"That's a fear I have..." I confessed. "I'm positive I'd gain two stone if I gave them up..." I divulged. Now she laughed at me.

"You'd still be remarkably handsome..." she assured me. I appreciated her compliment.

"That's nice of you to say..." I said and raised my glass up for a toast. "To cigarettes, belly fat and babies!" I declared. Dom laughed and raised her glass before emptying it.

"Speaking of babies..." Dom then said and looked at me intently. "I'm actually in a good place to try...if you're interested in giving it a shot tonight..." she informed me. "I've bought the equipment you mentioned so we've got what we need..." she stated. I wasn't surprised by her preparedness. Just surprised it was already time.

"Sure!" I answered. If we were actually going to do this it didn't matter when so why not right now? She got up from the table and came over and took my hand.

"Come with me and bring your wine..." she requested. I got up and grabbed my glass and followed her down her hallway. Heading for her bedroom.

"Where do you want me?" I asked her.

"You can use the bathroom in here or the guest bedroom...whatever makes you comfortable..." she advised. I figured the bed might be more relaxing.

"The bedroom...do you have the stuff in there or in the bathroom?" I asked her.

"The bathroom..." she answered.

"I'll go clean up and get what I need...why don't you go get comfortable in your room and when I've got the...eh...syringe...I'll knock on your door..." I suggested. She nodded and stopped at the bathroom door and took my free hand.

"Thank you for doing this..." she said with a grateful expression. To keep it light I let go of her hand and saluted her.

"It's my sworn duty as a member of the British Empire to spread my seed!" I joked. She laughed at me.

"Doing your bit for European relations..." she agreed. Reminding me she was French. I laughed back as she turned to head for her room. I watched as she opened her door and then looked at me.

"Good luck!" she said and winked before slipping inside and closing her door.

"Right!" I said out loud and emptied my glass of wine down my throat and stepped into the bathroom.

I used the toilet and washed my hands before grabbing the plastic bag, bowl and syringe and a towel. I trotted to the bedroom and felt a bit of pride as I laid out the equipment. I went and closed the door and found a radio and switched it on. Adjusting the dial to find something suitable.

I walked over to the bed and noticed some magazines on the end table. I instantly laughed as I found several glossy promotional photos of Brian mixed in with some adult magazines.

'Thanks Dom!' I said as I unzipped my jeans and got settled on the edge of the bed. I figured this would be easy. I have a filthy mind and could conjure up something good to get off to. I pulled my cock out of my briefs and licked my hand and then gripped myself. Ready to get going.

'That was Wham with their mega holiday hit and now we've got a bit of the new song from The Boss for you!'

The radio switched songs and Bruce Springsteen's 'Dancing In The Dark' started playing. I smiled as I liked this song. Love Bruce! I closed my eyes and began stroking myself. Trying to work myself up over the notion of dancing in the dark with Brian. Or Bruce. I almost laughed out loud though when I heard him sing:

'Can't start a fire without a spark'

Those words seemed appropriate for the moment. I felt like I couldn't get Dom pregnant without finishing and began get a nagging feeling I understood why this had been difficult for Brian to do when he got Clare pregnant. It was a bit difficult to get off under pressure. I spent the rest of the song trying to stroke myself over the edge. I was hard and I was feeling something but that distracting feeling of having to perform this way made me break out in a mild sweat. I realized I would rather being playing in front of a half million people right now than doing this.

"Shit!" I groaned. I tried to refocus and then found myself getting off the bed and walking over and turning off the radio. Distracted by the next song. I stood by the wall and leaned against it with one hand. Stroking myself with the other as I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate.

I gave up on that idea and went back to the bed. Feeling irritated and frustrated. I sat back down and reached for one of the photos of Brian. Hoping it would get me over the top. As I looked at him all I could think about was the fact that I wasn't going home to him tonight. It did not help my situation.

"Fuck!" I shouted in exasperation. I set his photo down and sighed heavily as I tucked my half hard cock back in my briefs and carefully zipped up my trousers. This wasn't going to happen tonight. I prepared to break the news to Dom and left the bedroom to go knock on her door. I could hear some music playing softly as I reached her room. I knocked and took a deep breath.

"Come in..." she said calmly. I opened her door and leaned inside. She was seated on her bed wearing a satin dressing down. She looked at me expectantly. "You're empty handed..." she remarked. I nodded and sighed heavily.

"I owe Brian an apology..." I stated as I walked into her room and ran my hand through my hair. Feeling frustrated and embarrassed. "This was much more difficult than I imagined..." I confessed. Dom smiled at me and patted the empty spot next to her on the bed.

"I'm sure it's quite different than when you're just masturbating for the pure joy of it..." she said frankly. I huffed out a laugh at her remark.

"Yes.." I agreed. "Quite different..." I saw Dom look down at my crotch.

"Would it be okay if I offered to finish you off?" she proposed. She was looking me in the eye and was so relaxed and casual about it. For some reason her attitude about this made it easier. I trust her and I know I like her a lot. I do find her attractive and Brian and I had spoken bluntly about finding sexual partners. He had told me he expected it would be Dom. So my hesitation surprised me. I chalked it up to guilt. Dom is a beautiful intelligent woman and she knows where my heart lies.

"I just need to know..." I went to say and she reached over and placed her finger over my lips.

"You belong to Brian....and if we end up in this bed and we end up having sex...I will never lose sight of that..." she stated plainly. "We're good friends Roger...I like you a lot...being with you keeps this un-complicated for me...you don't have to fear that I will ask for more from you than you are willing or wanting to give..." she explained.

It felt good to see she clearly understood my concerns and where we stand. If I wanted to help her with a baby then I figured we needed to just do this. I took hold of her finger on my mouth and pulled it away as I leaned in towards her and pressed a kiss to her mouth. She reached for the sides of my head and pulled me in closer. Returning my kiss. I quickly discovered she was a good kisser. I opened my mouth and she slipped her tongue in next to mine.

Dom leaned us back onto her bed and I felt myself getting hard again. She rolled over and pressed her body closer to my own. One of her legs got between mine and I spread them as she straddled my thigh and laid down against me. On top of me. Our kissing continued and built heat quickly between us. It felt good. I knew I would enjoy this. Physically. Mentally I was still struggling with the guilt I felt at doing this. I couldn't help but think of the times I had cheated on Brian and it made my chest hurt a little.

Dom slid her hand down and cupped me through my clothes. After groping me a bit, she pulled back from her kiss and sat up as she reached down to unzip my trousers. I helped her push my clothes down my hips and thighs as my cock came free from my briefs. For a moment it felt odd to be exposed to her. We had only been good friends and it was a touch surreal to feel her take my cock in her hand. Her eyes appeared admiring as she looked at my cock. Smiling.

"You're exquisite Roger..." she stated as she moved off me to help me get the rest of my clothes off. It felt nice to know she thought I looked good naked. As I kicked off my shoes and peeled away my socks I saw Dom remove her robe. She only had on a slip underneath and I admired her as I tossed my trousers and briefs aside. With no self consciousness, she pulled the slip over her head to reveal her full breasts. They were perfect and had small erect dark nipples. She walked over and I pulled her down towards me as I went to lay back on the bed. I turned and moved over her. Feeling arousal shifting my lingering guilt out of the way as I soaked in the sight of her. She only wore a pair of small white cotton panties and I was soon slipping my hand inside them to feel her. Already wet and ready.

We quickly got to the point of intercourse. Both of us moving against each other. Eager and heavily aroused. She shifted up further on the bed and spread her legs as I got better positioned.

"Is there a better way to do this to get pregnant?" I asked her. She smiled at me and lifted up to pull me closer.

"I think we'll get there..." she assured me. I stroked her inner thigh as I prepared to penetrate her. Still feeling like this was surreal.

"You ready?" I asked her. Asking myself the same as I gazed as her neatly trimmed bush and her lovely feminine body.

"I am if you are..." she replied. Clearly knowing where my mind is. I smiled as I took hold of myself and got closer. Guiding myself in and not asking anymore questions. She felt warm and inviting and the tightness was enthralling as she wrapped her legs around my waist.

She smelled amazing as I leaned over her and began to move inside her. Looking into her beautiful face and receiving assurance and calm from her warm smile. Her skin was incredibly soft and I enjoyed touching her all over as I bent down and suckled her breast. Beginning to enjoy everything she had to offer.

We both began making sounds as we moved together. Feeling it all build up between us. I was surprised when she tightened her legs around me and suddenly flipped us. I let her pull me down on my back as she moved to straddle me. Easily slipping me back inside her as she began to ride me. I reached up and took her hands in mine. Our eyes locked as she gyrated her hips atop me. So adept at moving this way. Her eyes closed and her head rolled back a little and she let out a cry as I jutted into her. Working to get her off while hoping to fill her with my seed.

Our grips tightened as we held hands and moved purposely together. Practically grunting as we rammed into each other. Feeling the climax within reach.

"Fuck!" I shouted as I felt myself starting to orgasm. "I'm coming!" I declared and grabbed her by the hips as she laughed and let out a cry. She kept moving against me and I began emptying inside her.

"Give me all of it!" she demanded with a sensual groan. She reached down with her hand and began rubbing herself as I kept releasing.

"Bossy!" I panted out in response. She chuckled a bit and quit moving. Her hand stilled against her clit. Her face showing satisfaction.

"Si bon!" she told me in French and I felt her quivering inside as she cried out again. "So good!" she repeated in English this time. It was good. Very good. I savored seeing her face as she finished. Serene and content. She opened her eyes and took one of my hands and moved it over to lay across her stomach. "I hope you put a baby in me..." she said with a touch of sweetness.

"I hope so too..." I replied. We were spent and quiet for a moment. My hand still on her stomach and her hand over mine. She slowly began to ease herself off me and I shifted over so she could lay down. She turned and leaned in and we shared a kiss.

"Thanks..." she said and she closed her eyes and rested her head against my shoulder.

--------------------------------------

I arrived home a few hours later and quietly went upstairs. Not wanting to wake Tigs or Mia. I reached my room and pulled off my shoes as I noticed a light flashing on my answer machine. I pressed the button and began undressing. It was a message from Brian from 11:36pm.

'Hey Rog...it's me...just wondering if you were up....can't sleep...'

I checked my watch and saw it was 12:45. I figured he might still be up and felt the need to hear his voice. Still feeling mixed emotions about the course of events tonight. I dialed his number and waited.

"Hello..."

"Hey Bri...you still awake?"

"Yes...have you been out tonight?"

"Yeah...I had dinner with Dom..."

"How is she?"

"She's good..." I replied and knew I just needed to be honest with him. We had already talked about this. I just needed to rip the bandage off so to speak. "As a matter of fact I need to tell you we're already trying for a baby..." I revealed.

"Wow!" he responded. "I guess if she wants one there isn't any point in waiting..." he remarked calmly. I was relieved to hear he wasn't upset with the reality of it. I knew the details might be a different story. "How was it for you? Trying to come on demand?" he asked me with a sense of mirth in his voice. The guilt I had earlier tonight spread through me.

"You were right...it's a lot more challenging than I gave you credit for..." I admitted.

"But you managed...right?" he instantly questioned. I swallowed hard.

"Yes..." I told him in a tight voice. There was silence on the phone as I waited for his next words. For some reason I felt like he could see my face right now. For some reason I sensed he knew.

"You had sex with her...didn't you?" he stated in a neutral tone. I wasn't sure what his response would be but I wasn't going to lie to him.

"Yes..." I responded in that same tight voice. There was more silence. It lingered and it began to eat at me. I ran my hand into my shirt and rubbed at my shoulder. Feeling the tension build over the phone. "Say something!" I finally blurted out and instantly regretted it.

"What do you want me to say Rog?" he finally answered. "I'm not going to get mad...I'm not going to blow up..." he said in such a calm way it unnerved me. "We talked about it...we knew this was an eventuality..." he said in such a pragmatic way I almost felt more guilty that he wasn't angry at me.

"We did..." I agreed to try and make myself feel better. Remembering that difficult conversation in Switzerland.

"Just promise me we won't stop talking...we'll always be able to talk...like this..." Brian asked me.

"Of course...I love you Brian...we will always have this...no matter what..." I assured him. "I promise..."

"I love you too Rog..." he replied. "I need to go...I've got a busy day tomorrow and need to try and get some semblance of sleep..." he stated. I was curious what he was doing and wondered for a moment if he was just trying to end this difficult call. I gave him grace.

"Get some rest babe...call me tomorrow when you have time..." I said back.

"I will...good night..." he said in a calm voice.

"Good night..." I replied and hung up the phone. I instantly got off the bed and peeled off my clothes as I walked to my shower.
====================

23rd January

London

Brian's POV

I didn't sleep much last night and felt like shit as I crawled from bed and made sure Jimi was up for school. I cleaned up in the bathroom and made him some breakfast and we headed out in the car.

"Want to go to the arcade after school?" I asked my son. I was trying to make up for being gone when he started his new school. And for being gone again soon on tour. He smiled and nodded.

"I'll beat you at Frogger!" he challenged.

"We shall see about that!" I countered with a smirk on my face. "Have a good day!" I told Jimi as he slid out of my car and waved as he walked into the entrance of his school. So far he really liked Hampton and seemed to be adjusting well to the change. My father and mother had reported his first day was a good one and he had already made a new friend. Sam was in his same class and his father was a barrister. His mother was a homemaker and Jimi commented on how nice it was at their place. It made me feel worse about our fractured living situation.

As soon as I left the school I pondered going back home and going to bed. I was tired and felt like hiding from the world. I drove home and parked the car and went inside. There was the mess from breakfast waiting for me in the kitchen. I knew I should clean up or I would start a bad habit of letting dishes pile up. I tugged off my coat and headed for the kitchen.

I had finished loading the dishwasher and was pouring some detergent in it when the phone rang. I walked over and answered.

"Hello..."

"Good morning!" Chrissie said brightly. I wasn't sure if it made me feel better to hear her good spirits or be irritated by it.

"Hi!" I said back weakly.

"Bad morning?" she quickly asked me.

"Bad night..." I replied honestly.

"I've got something for you that might cheer you up..." she announced. I needed a distraction.

"What is it?" I asked with curiosity.

"It's a surprise!" she replied. "Is it okay if I bring it over?" she requested.

"Sure...I'm just tidying the kitchen..." I responded.

"See you shortly..." she said and we both hung up. I finished with the dishes and wiped down the counter and table. I was heading for the front door when I heard her walking up the steps. I opened the door to find her holding a small cardboard box.

"What have you got there?" I asked her as I stepped aside and let her come in.

"It's something I think you'll like..." she answered as she held the box out to me. I took it from her and we walked into the living room. We sat down as I peeled back the lid to see what was inside. To my surprise and delight it was a new stereo card. One of the Diableries!

"Where did you find this?" I asked in disbelief as I stood up and walked to the window to get some light so I could see the card better. Chrissie remained seated and smiled at me.

"I was in a shop near the youth shelter and asked if they had any of those stereo cards like we found that one day..." she explained. "He handed me a box that had a few but they were damaged. This one was tucked in the back of the box and I thought it was one of those special ones you liked the best..." she said as I turned to look at her with appreciation.

"I don't have this one!" I informed her with a broad smile. She seemed pleased to hear it.

"Good!" she said. "That's your day turned around then!" she said with a light tone and I realized it did make me feel lighter.

"It is turned around!" I agreed. "And I'd love to take you to lunch to thank you!" I offered. Her smile grew wider.

"Alright..." she replied.

After taking my new stereo card to my study and placing it safely with the others, Chrissie waited while I took a shower and shaved and we headed out for an early lunch. It was just around 11 am when we arrived at a place I knew could offer us a private table. Freddie ate there often and they recognized me. I ordered some wine and cheese and bread for starters and Chrissie talked about some of the issues at the shelter. I listened and admired her dedication to their cause. Finding her passion for the children endearing. Talk turned to Jimi and his school and his current interests. She listened as I talked about my guilt at hearing about his new friend and normal family life.

We soon left the restaurant and I wondered if it had been a good idea for me to drive. I had drank a bit and was feeling good as we pulled into the drive.

"I had a lovely time..." I told Chrissie. "Want to come in for some tea?" I asked her. She nodded and followed me inside. She ended up putting the kettle on and I took a seat in the living room as she prepared a tray. I turned on the television to see if there was a film we could watch.

She arrived with the tray and we got comfortable on the sofa. I found a film starting shortly and the news was finishing up first. There was a story about the increase in birth rates.

"Maybe I should have stayed a midwife!" Chrissie remarked as we listened. It made me think of Roger and I's phone conversation the night before.

"Would you prefer if you were a mother instead?" I blurted out. She appeared surprised at my question.

"I'd love to be a mother..." she answered quietly. "It just wasn't in the cards for me...I guess..." she remarked. I felt a sense of boldness come over me and I went with it before I could overthink my actions.

"What if I helped you have a baby?" I proposed. Her eyes went wide and she seemed speechless.

"What about Roger?" she finally asked.

"This isn't about me and Rog..." I pointed out. "Do you want to have a child Chrissie?" I asked her plainly. "If you do...I'm offering..." I stated clearly as I looked her in the eyes so she would know I was serious.

"Why would you do that?" she questioned.

"Because you've been such a great friend and support to me and I feel it is something I could give you in return...something you want..." I explained sincerely. She seemed touched by my words.

"If I took your offer...wouldn't that make things terribly complicated for you?" she asked. "For us?" she then added. I knew what she meant. We could sit and go over the semantics of it all but I felt like throwing caution to the wind. Between Roger's news last night and the sense of inevitability I felt with Chrissie it seemed right.

"We're good friends Chrissie and we're mature adults...it doesn't have to be complicated..." I responded. She looked me in the eyes and sighed a little.

"We are good friends Brian...but I might still have feelings for you..." she confessed. "How do you feel about that?" she questioned. I felt frustrated that this didn't appear to be as simple as it seemed for Roger and Dom.

"I have feelings for you too Chrissie...I care for you a lot..." I told her back. Not entirely sure what I meant by it. "I can't offer you my heart and I can't marry you..." I said bluntly. "But I can offer you a child of your own and companionship..." I proposed. She sat silent for a moment. Still looking me in the eyes.

"Alright...I'll take what you offer..." she told me. We shared a smile and I leaned in and gave her a small kiss to seal the deal. She kissed back a little and we both laughed. Feeling awkward and uncertain about how this would play out. I reached out and took her hand.

"Let's go upstairs..." I suggested. She stood up and followed me. If we were going to do this, we needed to just do it now!

--------------------------------

It felt surreal and it felt awkward as I laid in my bed and watched Chrissie walk to the bathroom. She was still naked and was going to clean up. I rolled onto my back and tried to not think about how weird this was. We had a clumsy start with kissing and getting comfortable with each other. I almost felt like an inexperienced teen again and not in a good way.

Once we both got going it improved. It was so strange to see her undress and actually see her naked form. She had nice breasts and was so tiny compared to Roger. I had to remember how to pleasure a woman again and focused on getting her as wet as possible before we had intercourse. Her long hair was nice and I enjoyed touching it as we made out.

Despite knowing she had seen me naked when she cared for me as a nurse, it was a little nerve wracking to remove my briefs and have an erection as she watched. She didn't seem disappointed and enjoyed the actual act. She was pretty tight and felt so strange beneath me with her short legs and small frame. Not bad at all. Just so different.

Once I was inside her and moving, the physical need took over for us both. We moved together and quickly reached the peak. I worked to make sure she got off when I finished. She wasn't as vocal as Roger and I was actually relieved by it. Liking it being different. Not wanting too many similarities. Not the greatest sex of my life but certainly not the worst.

I heard Chrissie padding back into the room and she laid down and pulled the sheet over her. She shuffled closer to me and laid her head against my shoulder. Placing her hand on my chest.

"Is this alright?" she asked me quietly. I nodded.

"It's nice..." I told her. She reached up and we shared a lingering kiss. Both feeling a bit more relaxed than earlier. She closed her eyes and nestled into my side. I enjoyed the sensation. Not being alone in bed. Having companionship. I thought about the words we just exchange and felt they were appropriate. It is alright and it's nice. And for now, that will do.

Chapter Text

17th February 1985

London

Deacy's POV

It was an epic show and I was glad I decided to go. The invitation came at the last minute and Ronnie couldn't make it. I went alone. Sometimes I think I prefer to go by myself. No distractions from the music and just watching the musicians do their thing. I can get lost in the music and the atmosphere and not have to worry about a companion. Enjoying being on the other side of the stage for a change. An audience member and not a performer.

Phil Collins put on an energetic show. I couldn't help but notice some similarities with Roger. Being so adept at drumming and singing as well as writing songs and having a stage presence. I easily imagined Roger fronting a band of his own someday. I mean...will Queen last forever?

It was a question we get asked more often these days. Will Queen keep going? I know we have all pondered this separately but not discussed it at length when we are together. We just soldier on despite our disagreements. At the end of the day we all know this family remains stalwart and steady no matter what goes on in our personal lives. It has taken on more meaning since Brian and Roger were forced apart in their private life. Offering them a measure of sanctuary despite a spy in our midst.

I lit a fresh cigarette as I walked from the arena. The show had ended a few hours ago but I was escorted back to meet Phil and the band and enjoy some of the backstage libations. I was far from drunk but feeling good as the buzz from the show and talking shop with some stellar musicians kept me wired as I approached my new baby.

She is so pretty! I never imagined owning a car like this but with our recent earnings and me feeling so restless, I had decided to treat myself for a change. I still can't believe I handed over that amount of money for something other than a house. I pulled my keys out and waved to the security guard standing nearby.

"That's a beauty right there!" he remarked as I opened the car door. I grinned and felt proud.

"She is!" I agreed as I slipped inside my new Porsche and closed the door. Running my hands over the premium black leather covering my steering wheel. The new car smell still potent as I turned over the engine and listened to it purr. I shifted gears and smiled widely as I hit the pedal and tore out of the parking lot. Feeling the power of my red machine. Gripping the wheel and reaching over to switch on my cassette player.

I blasted Tears for Fears and began singing along. Taking comfort that no one could hear me singing off key and belting out the words.

'Shout! Shout! Let It All Out! These Are The Things I Can Do Without!

'Come on! I'm Talking To You! Come on!'

I kept singing as I wound my way down Queen's Gate to head home. Traffic was light since it was a work night and after midnight. I neared the entrance for the motorway I needed and began to accelerate. I sped onto the slip road and easily navigated the slow moving cars to get in the fast lane. I turned up the music and bobbed my head as I listened and drove. Getting lost in the night and hoping I would feel better about being home again.

Before I knew it I was at my exit. I zipped into the exit lane and began to veer off the motorway. I saw the lights flashing in my rear view mirror before I heard the police car.

'Shit!'

I slowed down and checked to see if I could veer off on the shoulder. There wasn't room so I slowly crept down the slip road until I found a safe place to stop. I felt a light panic at the fact I'd had several drinks at the after party. I tried to act like everything was fine as I saw the policeman walking up to my car. I rolled down my window and prepared to speak to him.

"Good evening..." the patrolman stated as he arrived at my window. "Or maybe good morning is close to being more appropriate..." he remarked as he tapped on the roof of my car. "Do you know why I pulled you over?" he questioned. I tried to keep a neutral expression and shrugged.

"I'm afraid I don't..." I replied.

"I clocked you at 18 over the speed limit!" he declared as he leaned down to get a better look at me. His small flashlight illuminating my face and the interior of my car. He seemed to catch a whiff of my breath as he frowned a little. "I need to see your operator's license and registration and proof of insurance..." he demanded firmly. I nodded and reached over to get the items he requested. "And I need you to step out of the car please..." he ordered. I knew he was aware I'd had something to drink and felt my stomach drop as I opened the car door and got out. Handing him the items he requested. He gestured towards the end of the car with his flashlight. "Step over there and wait please...." he advised. I did as he asked and tried to be mindful of how I moved. I didn't want him thinking I was drunk. I leaned against the back of the car and folded me arms as he eyed my papers with his flashlight.

"Why do you look familiar?" he questioned as he walked towards his car. I realized he had probably recognized my face or my name. I knew I had better answer.

"I'm a musician...." I answered. He formed a curious expression as he flashed his light at me again.

"You been on the telly?" he questioned. I nodded.

"Yes..." I confirmed. He walked over and eyed me cautiously.

"Have you had anything to drink tonight Mr. Deacon?" he asked. I knew it was pointless to lie. I hadn't bothered to use anything to cover the alcohol on my breath.

"Yes..." I confirmed. His expression grew solemn as he handed me my papers back.

"Right then!" he stated. "I'll need you to take a field sobriety test..." he declared. 'FUCK!'

==================================
21st February 1985

Munich

Freddie's POV

I woke to darkness and a feeling of being numb. I felt quite odd and out of sorts. My body hurt from the uncomfortable position I seemed to have slept in. I stiffly sat up and realized I wasn't in my flat. I didn't know where I was.

I then realized I felt extremely cold. Shivering cold. I also realized I wasn't on a bed and there was only a thin blanket wrapped around me. A tiny sliver of light was off to the side of me.

Wherever I was made me feel disoriented. I could hear the sound of traffic and the streets and it seemed closer than usual. Where am I?

My head was throbbing and my body was stiff and heavy as I shifted around. Trying to get my bearings. I reached out in front of me and felt a wall. It was very cold and almost felt like steel. A sense of panic went through me. Was I trapped somewhere? What is going on?

"Hello!" I shouted as I felt the wall in front of me and my adrenaline began to rise with my heart rate. I ran my hand up the wall and found what appeared to be a ceiling made of steel over me. The notion that I had been locked in a metal box occurred to me and I instantly sat up in fear as I reached up with my hands and found there was movement with the metal panel above me. I pushed up and found it lifting. It was heavy, but my panic gave me strength as what seemed to be a lid flopped up and over. It made a clattering sound as it went over the side. Revealing my whereabouts to me.

My heart was still racing as I surveyed the dark alleyway. I quickly ascertained I was in a dumpster. A fucking dumpster! There was just the light at the end of the alley where the street lights bled into the gap between the buildings. A row of dumpsters was next to me and back doors to businesses were facing me. All darkened and ominous looking.

"What the fuck?" I mumbled to myself as I tried to get my footing so I could escape from the clutches of the metal cage I was in. I could hear dance music in the distance and wondered if I was near some clubs. The smell of rotting garbage began to fill my nostrils as I stirred up the bags of trash beneath me. I managed to get a foothold on some boxes despite my recent leg injury reigniting my knee pain as I moved around. That sharp pain returning. I ignored it and forced myself up to swing a leg over the side of the dumpster. I got my other leg over and let myself slide down the side. Still a bit shaky as I landed on my feet. Wincing as my knee felt jarred from the motion.

It was then I realized I was missing one of my shoes. The frigid night air blew over me as I leaned against the side of the dumpster. Still not sure how I got here and what had transpired beforehand. Feeling the cold of the night and wanting to get out of this alley and find my way home.

My socked foot was wet and cold as I stumbled down the alley. Heading for the light of the nearby street. I looked down and saw I was in clothes I normally wore to a club. Not enough clothes to keep me warm as I lay in that cold metal crypt behind me. I began to shake a little from the cold and rubbed my hands over my arms to stave off the chill. My knee incredibly stiff as I walked.

I reached the street and looked right to see a homeless man taking a piss against the wall. A taxi was creeping by and I felt I should flag it down. I stumbled out of the alley with my arm up. Waving to get the driver's attention.

"Hey!" I shouted I kept moving. The taxi stopped and I managed to get over to the door. I bent down and saw the driver scrutinizing me. He spoke something in German but I didn't understand him. I knew the key words I should tell him.

"Ich habe Geld..." I advised him. Assuring him I had money even though I didn't find my wallet inside my jacket pocket. I gave him the address I wanted and he nodded for me to get inside. I was relieved as I slid in the back and felt the comfort of the heater on full blast. The taxi took off and I laid my head back and closed my eyes and tried to figure out how in the fuck I ended up in a dumpster. And why I felt so horrid.

By the time I arrived at my destination, I didn't have any more clarity than I had before. A sense of embarrassment and shame began to build as I told the driver to wait in the best way I knew how and walked to the door. I waved to the driver and pressed the buzzer.

"Hallo??" I was relieved to hear his voice and leaned close to the speaker.

"It's Freddie dear...I'm so sorry to be calling on you so late...but I'm desperate and need money for a taxi..." I explained.

"Give me a minute..." he said and I felt relief as I waved again to the taxi driver and leaned against the wall by the door. Beginning to feel nauseous. I heard it unlock and then Mack appeared in a dressing gown. His eyes went wide when he saw me.

"Christ! Freddie!" he said with alarm. He glanced over and saw the taxi. "Let me get this..." he stated as Mack went over and gave the driver the fare. Mack rushed back over and put his arm around me. Clearly seeing I was in bad shape. My stomach was churning and I felt lightheaded.

"I think I might be sick..." I informed him as he guided me into his home.

"You're as cold as ice!" he said with surprise. Mack walked me to the nearest toilet and helped to hold me up as I vomited. Feeling quite ill and shaky. After I finished he helped me stand and supported me as we walked down his low lit hallway. A door opened and Ingrid, his wife, appeared.

"Freddie!" she said in a loud whisper. Her face registered shock at my appearance. She came up and put her arm around my other side.

"Thank you..." I told her in a low voice. Not wanting to wake the children and appreciating their support. We went into the small guest room they have in their home and Ingrid quickly pulled back the duvet as Mack helped me sit down on the bed. He sat down next to me as Ingrid turned on the bedside lamp. He looked into my eyes and felt my forehead. A worried expression on his face.

"What happened?" he asked with concern. I shook my head a little. Everything so foggy.

"I don't know..." I answered honestly. "I woke up in a..." I went to say and a sense of shame came over me. I had no idea how I ended up in that dumpster but somehow felt it was my fault.

"In what?" Mack asked as Ingrid left the room. I looked down at my cold hands instead of in his warm eyes.

"I was in a dumpster..." I confessed quietly. I felt Mack take hold of my chin and he lifted my face to look at me.

"Did you use tonight?" he instantly questioned without sounding judgmental. I couldn't remember. I hadn't been using as much cocaine of late. It had not been as fun and I only had a faint recollection of being in a club tonight.

"Not that I'm aware of..." I replied. "I can't remember..." I mumbled as I struggled for a better memory of the night's events. "I don't remember..." I repeated.

"Freddie...you look drugged..." Mack informed me as he kept hold of my chin. "I think someone drugged you..." he stated as he looked me in the eyes. His concern still evident. "When you've partied before you always remember...." he pointed out. It was true. I never did so much that I blacked out. Not even with drinking. I nodded a little. Maybe he was right! It was starting to seem like it made sense.

"Maybe..." I finally muttered. Feeling so out of sorts and a sense of fatigue coming over me. "I want to sleep..." I told him. Mack let go of my chin and gestured at the bed.

"Let's get those clothes off you and you can get some rest..." he advised in a caring manner. "You're safe now..." he remarked. I found comfort in those words as he began to help me remove my soiled garments.

-------------------------------

I had no sense of time when I woke up. There was light peeking through the curtains in the bedroom and I could hear the distant sound of the children in the house. I did remember I was in Mack's home. Safe and secure in his guest room. Carefully tended to by him and his wife Ingrid. They were good friends and I felt lucky to have them.

I got out of the bed slowly and found a track suit waiting for me on the chair next to the bed. I knew Ingrid had left it for me and smiled. She is a thoughtful person. I changed clothes and felt the need for the toilet and some mouthwash. I moved slowly and opened the door. Hearing noise coming from their kitchen. I went to the bathroom and cleaned up and made my way to the hub of activity in the house.

Julian was sitting at the dining table eating some soup and looked up as I walked in.

"Freddie!" he said with excitement as he jumped from his chair and ran over to hug me. Despite a killer headache that pounded against my skull, I was feeling better and appreciated his affection.

"Hello dear..." I told him as he embraced my waist. Looking up and smiling at me. Mack's children are lovely and so sweet to me. I always felt good after my visits here. The authentic and simple affection I receive from them all always lifted me. Ingrid came into the kitchen carrying my godson and I instantly smiled at the sight of John Frederick.

"How are you feeling?" she asked me.

"My head is pounding...but I'm better...thank you..." I replied. She gestured at the table.

"Have a seat...a cup of tea and something to eat should help..." she suggested. I nodded and went over to sit next to Julian. Ingrid followed and place little Freddie in his baby chair next to me and then walked to the stove. I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his head. The baby smell of him soothing me.

"Tell me a story..." Julian begged as he ignored his soup and looked at me. I smiled at him and pointed to his bowl.

"I'll tell you a thousand tales...but eat dear...your soup is getting cold..." I ordered. He picked up his spoon but kept his eyes on me. I began to speak and felt my headache fading as I distracted myself with the children. Finding solace in their presence as I tried to forget what happened to me last night.

'There was a land called Rhye...'

---------------------------------------

23rd March 1985

London

I returned to London to get a break from the revelry of Munich. I was left shaken by the experience of waking up in that dumpster. I never could figure out exactly what happened. Phoebe advised me I had met some new friends and had told him I was going out with them for a change of pace. I had begun to tire of Winnie and his social circle. The language barrier and the excessive partying wearing me thin. So I had left in a limo with these people and Phoebe had only heard from me when I phoned from Mack's place the next day. We never saw those mysterious new friends ever again. I also never found my wallet. Luckily I only had a small amount of cash and my ID in it. Phoebe had kept a tight hold on my passport for me.

Another reason for coming back to London was the need to meet with people about promoting my solo album. The first single was getting ready to release and I had some interviews set up for the next few weeks before we left for New Zealand on the next leg of the tour.

Peter Straker and I had dinner at a lovely new restaurant he had raved to me about. We dined with some mutual friends and then we headed out to enjoy some drinks and dancing. It felt good to resume social ties with the London set and being back in some old haunts as I had my fair share of vodka tonics.

We found ourselves lingering late in the evening at Heaven. One of our favorite clubs. I was comfortably ensconced in a VIP booth having another drink when I saw a familiar face. He was still just as handsome as last time I laid eyes on him. That thick dark hair and his matching moustache. Tall and solid and looking marvelous in a pair of tight jeans and a white vest. He was walking to the bar nearby and he headed for an empty bar stool. He was alone and with the amount of drink inside me I suddenly felt brave. I got up from my table and walked his way. Noticing him swagger a bit as he took a seat on the tall stool. He was clearly intoxicated. So was I!

"Let me buy you this!" I proposed as I saw him order from the bartender and reach for his pocket. He turned and saw me and formed a small smile.

"No...I'll buy you one..." he countered. I took the empty stool next to him and felt like this encounter was going to go better than the last one. Hoping he wouldn't tell me to fuck off again.

"A large vodka tonic please..." I told him and the bartender as I smiled widely. Careful to cover my teeth.

=================================
28th March 1985

London

Brian's POV

My son is 8 years old today. Where has the time gone? It sounds like a cliche, but it seems like he was just born. Now he is standing in the living room speaking on the telephone to Roger and Mia and his sister Tiger Lily. He had just opened the gifts that were sent over to the house for him. A new electric racing car set and track. Some books he wanted and some new video games for his Sega game system. I listened as he talked to Roger about how he missed playing the games with him. It made me sad but I tried to keep things positive today. Despite the change in our circumstances, we were all trying to make the best of things. Jimi finished his phone call and I took the phone as he went over to look at his racing set again. Completely enamored with it.

"He loves it..." I told Roger. "It was a good idea..."

"I'm glad he's got his friend down the street who can come over and play with him..." Roger remarked.

"Ian is coming over early...before the party..." I told my husband. "They truly are best friends these days..." I explained.

"He said Ian's parents were nice..." Roger commented.

"They are...I've met them a few times..." I answered. "His other close friend, Sam, is coming to the party as well..." I advised.

"He's the kid he knows from school...." Roger replied.

"Yes...the one whose father is a barrister..." I told him. There was a knock on the door and Jimi ran to it. "I need to go...there's someone at the door..." I informed my husband.

"Alright...have a good time and get some pictures so I can see how it was..." Roger requested. That bad feeling of him missing his son's party returned.

"Of course...talk to you later..." I told him. "Love you..." I said and hung up as Jimi was opening the door. Chrissie had arrived and was holding a large cake box. She was wearing a broad smile as she greeted us.

"I know I'm a bit early..." she remarked as we let her in the house. I took the box from her and Jimi bounced excitedly as he waited to see the contents on the box.

"It was lovely of you to arrange for the cake..." I told her as we walked to the kitchen. Jimi right at her side.

"It was my pleasure..." she said as I sat the box down. Jimi instantly leaned over and lifted the lid of the box.

"It's perfect!" he said loudly and leaned in and hugged Chrissie. "Thanks!" he told her. I looked at the skateboard shaped cake and grinned. It was decorated with his favorite colors. Blue and green. It was pretty cool. Chrissie seemed to relish Jimi's hug and she smiled at him.

"You're welcome..." she told him as he took her hand and began pulling her towards the living room.

"You have to come see my race track!" he said as he began moving to the other room. Chrissie chuckled with delight as she was led to see his new toy. I followed them and watched as he showed her the track and the little cars. She knelt down on the carpet next to him and patiently listened as he instructed her how everything worked. Jimi spoke quickly and excitedly as he explained how she could use one of the controllers. She picked it up quickly and they were soon running their cars along the track. Jimi thrilled she was engaged and playing along.

He had warmed up to Chrissie a lot in the past few months. It was a female presence in his life when the others had abruptly gone missing. She was so good with him and made him home cooked meals and had drove him to school more than a few times due to my schedule. He was comfortable with her and enjoyed her being around.

The idea of her being my companion was falling into place. She had not stayed overnight at the house yet. We had been intimate a few more times since that first instance. It was nice. It certainly wasn't the fire and passion I feel with Roger but I never thought it would be.

The telephone rang and I went into the kitchen to answer since they were noisy in the living room.

"Hello..."

"Hi Bri!" It was Clare. It was good to hear her voice. She was living with Malcolm in London now and they seemed destined for marriage and a happy ever after. One she completely deserved.

"Hey..." I replied. "How are you?" I asked.

"I'm really good..." she replied. "I was calling to wish Jimi a happy birthday..." she stated.

"He's in the other room...hang on..." I said and sat the phone down. I walked back into the living room and found Jimi laughing and smiling as Chrissie was trying to get her car back on the track. A mishap had apparently occurred while I was in the other room.

"Jimi...Clare is on the phone for you..." I told him. He looked up at me with a conflicted face and then looked back at Chrissie.

"Can she call back later?" he asked. "I'm playing with her..." he remarked as he glanced at Chrissie.

"Jimi...that's not very nice..." Chrissie told him before I could. "If someone is kind enough to call you on your birthday...you should talk to them..." she scolded in a gentle but firm manner. Jimi nodded agreement and got up from his spot on the carpet. I was surprised at how accepting he was of Chrissie's guidance. He walked past me to the kitchen and I heard him pick up the phone and begin speaking to Clare.

I walked back and found Chrissie getting up from the carpet. She looked up at me smiling.

"I guess we should get those decorations put up for the party..." she suggested as she straightened out her jumper.

"You're really good with him..." I told her.

"He's a lovely boy..." Chrissie told me. "He just needs a Mum about to keep him in check..." she remarked. "It's unfortunate that he has been pulled away from Clare and Mia like that..." she stated. I nodded agreement.

"He seems to have warmed to you as a surrogate..." I confessed. She seemed pleased to hear it.

"He does bring out the maternal side in me..." she admitted. We shared a warm smile as Jimi came bounding back into the room. Full of energy and excitement for his big day.

"We're going to hang the decorations up..." I informed my son. He reached for a spool of crepe paper.

"I get to hang the green one!" he said loudly as he began to pull some of the streamer loose. The doorbell rang again and Jimi dropped the crepe paper on the floor as he dashed to answer it. Chrissie picked up the discarded decorations with a chuckle.

"He's a bit overwhelmed today..." I said with a touch of apology for his behavior. Chrissie just smiled.

"I'm glad the excitement has distracted him from missing his family too much..." Chrissie pointed out. She was right. The idea of having a party with some friends had kept him from focusing too much on Roger, Tigs, Clare and Mia not being present. He wasn't seeing Winnie or Trevor either.

"It has helped..." I agreed. Jimi and Ian came running into the room.

"Look what I got!" Jimi shouted as he and Ian went over to his race track. Both of them dropping to their knees and ignoring us as they picked up the controllers to play.

Chrissie and I got busy decorating and preparing for the party. Soon everything was in order and my parents arrived along with Ian's mother and Jimi's school friends. Sam was there along with Kevin and Mitchell. They enjoyed playing some games we had organized and also went a few rounds on the new racing track and on Jimi's Sega game system. It was the latest from Japan and his friends were quite impressed he had the newest system. It was the only time he bragged about my occupation having an advantage. Regular trips abroad to Japan meant we had the most up to date electronics.

We moved onto to opening gifts and Jimi was a jubilant soul as he tore gleefully at the wrapping paper. There was an array of books, board games, some new Transformer action figures for his growing collection. The cake was a big hit and I had two pieces myself. The chocolate cream filling was too good to resist.

Jimi's friends soon left and he fell asleep. His sugar rush having collapsed with the party ending. My father was busy assembling one of the new toys for his grandson and my mother and Chrissie and I were cleaning up the party mess.

I grabbed the bin bag full of torn down party decorations and walked into the kitchen. I heard the women laughing as I found them putting away the freshly cleaned dishes.

"What are you two up to?" I questioned as I headed to the back door to take the bin bag outside.

"Just telling Chrissie some stories about you when you were Jimi's age..." my mother responded. I gave them both a dismissive look as I headed out the back door. I came back to find Chrissie had left the room. My mother was standing at the sink looking at me.

"Chrissie's a lovely woman..." my mother remarked. I smiled at her comment.

"She's been a great friend..." I replied. My mother's face registered something akin to doubt.

"Is she just a friend?" she asked me pointedly. I glanced over to see if Chrissie was coming back. "Are you involved with her?" my mother asked in a low volume. I could never hide much from my mother. She could read me like a book.

"She's a good companion..." I replied. Not wanting to go into any detail but trying to convey it was more than a friendship. The look on my mother's face told me she understood what I was saying.

"Does Roger know?" she asked me in the same low volume. I nodded to her and she glanced at the kitchen doorway.

"I am not going to judge your choices Brian..." she told me. "It's your life and how you live it us up to you...but you need to remember a child is impacted by those choices..." she reminded me.

"Jimi adores Chrissie..." I assured my mother.

"I can see that..." my mother agreed. "But I know the second you are able to reunite with Roger you will...and what happens to Chrissie? To Jimi's attachment to her?" she questioned. I hadn't thought about that at all.

"I will give it some thought..." I told my mother. Not wanting to discuss it any further. She laid the drying cloth over the towel bar and sighed.

"I know the past few months have been incredibly difficult for you..." she said as she looked at me with sympathy. "I know you must be lonely..." she remarked. I felt the need to make some things clear to my mother. Her intentions were good but I wasn't interested in a lecture right now.

"Chrissie and I have an understanding..." I interrupted. "We've talked about it...we are both clear on what we can give each other..." I explained. "I'm taking her with me on the next tour.." I divulged. Making it clear my relationship with Chrissie wasn't a secret.

"I know what Chrissie can give you..." my mother said plainly. "What does she get out of this?" she inquired. I think my mother already knew the answer. I was saved from responding by my father walking into the room.

"I'm finished..." he announced as he reached in his pocket for his cigarettes and headed for the back door. Going to the garden for a smoke. "You ready to go?" he asked my mother. She nodded as my father began coughing as he opened the back door. I had noticed my father had never quite lost the cough he developed over our Christmas holiday. I was certain his continued smoking didn't help. The door closed as my mother resumed looking at me.

"Don't tell you father about any of this..." my mother stated as she pulled off the apron she was wearing and hung it up. "I don't want to trouble him..." she said as she walked over and took her handbag from the table. I was more concerned about his lingering cough.

"Has he seen a doctor about that cough?" I questioned. My mother came over and hugged me tightly.

"He has..." she answered and held me for a while. We both remained silent as we embraced. I was grateful she had dropped the uncomfortable subject and was being affectionate with me.

Chrissie returned to the room and advised she had put Jimi's new things in his room for me. I thanked her and then walked my parents to the front door. They left and Chrissie and I relaxed until Jimi woke from his nap.

"Are you hungry?" Chrissie asked Jimi when he got up from the love seat he was laying on. He shrugged as he came over and crawled into the space between Chrissie and I on the sofa. I expected him to nuzzle into my side like he usually does. He leaned the other way and rested his head on Chrissie's shoulder. Making her smile broadly.

"Could you make me some pancakes?" he asked her sweetly.

"Of course I can..." she told him. Jimi got up from the sofa and held out his hand to Chrissie. She stood up and took it as he began walking them towards the kitchen. It seemed like Jimi had completely warmed up to the idea of Chrissie being in our lives and I seriously considered asking her if she wanted to move in. I would ask her when we go on our trip.

Chapter Text

30th March 1985

London

Roger's POV

"This looks good..." I told Jimmy as we sat and watched the final edit of his new music video. I had produced a single for Jimmy Nail during our hiatus from the tour and we had shot a music video a few weeks back. I was proud of my work on 'Love Don't Live Here Anymore.' He stopped by to show me the final version. I had done a cameo as his drummer in the band. My buddy Rick Parfitt had joined in as the guitarist. Jimmy smiled at me.

"Just so you know I'm glad you're stuck in the back of the shot..." Jimmy told me with a wry smile. "You're too good looking and a distraction from the real star..." he teased. I shoved his arm and he laughed.

"I think Freddie feels the same way Jimmy..." Rick remarked.

"Fuck you!" I told Rick as I shoved him as well. We all chuckled as we sat in my office in London. The buzzer on my intercom sounded so I leaned over and pressed the button. "Yes?" I asked.

"You have a visitor..." Maggie announced. My secretary was always so professional. Too formal. I smirked as I answered.

"Who is here to visit?' I questioned back in a professional tone.

"Miss Beyrand is here..." she advised.

"Please send her back..." I instructed and released the intercom button. Rick snickered.

"Miss Beyrand..." he commented with amusement at the formality. "I don't know why haven't married that one..." he remarked to me. Jimmy appeared curious.

"Is this his girlfriend?" Jimmy questioned. Rick nodded and wolf whistled. I shoved him again.

"She's a looker...eh?" Jimmy asked.

"A stunner!" Rick answered as there was a door knock and it opened. Dom stepped in smiling and then was surprised to find me not alone.

"Oh!" she said in surprise as she eyed the other men. "I didn't know I was interrupting something..." she stated.

"We're just back here having a circle jerk!" Rick joked. I thought it was a bit much but Dom just grinned at him.

"Oh! And are you the jerk in your little circle?" she questioned with a touch of sarcasm. I swatted Rick and Jimmy made a sound of pain.

"She got you Parfitt!" Ouch!" Jimmy remarked as we laughed at our friend getting taken to task by Dominique. Rick stood up.

"I'm going to leave before she completely takes me down!" he commented. Jimmy got up as well.

"Let's be off then..." Jimmy said as he walked towards Dominique and held out his hand to her. "Jimmy Nail...and I guess you are the Queen of retorts?" he questioned with amusement. Dom smiled and shook his hand.

"The only Queen is this room is over there..." she replied and eye gestured at me. We all laughed as the men waved goodbye and left my office.

"You sure are quick off the mark Miss Beyrand!" I commented as she came over and sat on the desk and looked down at me in the swivel chair.

"I have to be in this business..." she replied. I leaned forward and rested my hands on her knees. Peering up into her pretty brown eyes.

"What can I do for you today?" I asked her. She wore a warm contented look and placed her hands on top of mine.

"You've already done something for me..." she responded and formed a smile. "You've got me pregnant!" she revealed. I smiled back widely. Glad to hear our attempts were successful.

"Marvelous!" I reacted. "Do you know when it happened?" I questioned. She nodded.

"The doctor thinks it was around the first time we tried..." she confirmed. I felt a touch of pride as she squeezed my hands.

"Well it only seemed to take one or two times to produce Tiger Lily..." I said with a touch of smugness. Dom rolled her eyes at me.

"You do know I play a part in this as well...." she reminded me. I fell down a notch in my ego as she chuckled at me.

"You're right..." I agreed humbly. "So did they give you a due date?" I asked next.

"October 22nd..." she answered. "I'm around 10 weeks..." she revealed. I realized that meant her first trimester was almost over. I was surprised it took her that long to confirm she was pregnant.

"Wow!" I replied. "I figured you would have been checked weeks ago to see if you were pregnant..." I mentioned. She shrugged a little.

"I wanted to be absolutely sure I might be before I got tested..." she replied. "It would be have disappointing to go in and not be pregnant..." she confessed.

"I guess it doesn't matter now..." I told her with a smile. "You're going to have a baby!" I said with excitement as I reached up and gently poked her belly. She smiled at my action.

"Since you know...I guess you have some time to decide if you want to be in their life..." she stated. I had already given it some thought. Brian had shifted his relationship with Chrissie into companionship mode. Mine had drifted there as well. Dom and I had slept together fairly frequently. It had been to ensure she got pregnant but it had taken on a different tone of late. We both were clear on what being together meant. She was astutely aware we were not going down a path of bona ride romance and matrimony. This was about having someone to be with and giving her a child. It suited us both as Dom found romantic relationships problematic. She had told me about the men who were threatened by her independence and career and being what they had termed - an aggressive woman. I found her strong personality an asset. I found being with her quite easy and relaxed. She got along well with my daughter and Brian approved.

"I do plan to be in their life...as a father..." I answered. "In whatever way makes you comfortable..." I added. She seemed to like hearing it was her call to make.

"I'm glad to hear it...you're a good father Roger...my child is lucky to have you..." she told me in a sincere voice. She leaned down and I lifted up as we shared a kiss. Acknowledging the life we are creating and what we are sharing in addition to it.

"You know Brian is bringing Chrissie with him on the tour..." I remarked as I sat back down. I hadn't had the chance to mention it to her since Brian told me the news.

"How do you feel about that?" she asked me.

"He needs someone to look after him...and I'm not allowed to do it..." I answered calmly. It was the truth.

"How long do you think it will be before they have a baby announcement of their own?" she asked next. I shrugged. I knew they had been intimate. Brian and I spoke almost daily and I felt he told me practically everything. I had done the same. It seemed like keeping secrets was a bad idea at this point. We had been through too much to lie about things now.

"Not long I imagine..." I finally responded. "I don't hate Chrissie..." I told Dom as she crossed her legs and listened. "I just know she will have a harder time compartmentalizing her feelings..." I explained. "Brian told me he was straight with her...pointed out them being together would never be more than companionship..." I stressed. "He's already married so that is not in the cards for her..." I added for good measure.

"You're being quite mature about this...it's admirable Roger..." Dom complimented. I sighed a little as I leaned back in my chair and swiveled it a little. Taking comfort in the rhythmic movement.

"Brian and I have been together for a long time..." I replied. "When the time comes where we can be together again..." I began to say. Before I could finish, Dom interrupted me.

"Let's hope that time is sooner than later..." Dom interjected. "You won't have any issue with me and it is my hope that Chrissie does the same..." she said for reassurance. I nodded agreement.

"Let's hope..." I concurred and reached for my cigarettes. I hadn't asked Dom about the trip but decided to now. It was last minute but I decided to see if she was interested. "Hey...I know it's last minute and with you being pregnant...you may not want to..." I began. "Would you want to go with me on the tour?" I asked her.

"I can go for part of it and then I need to come back...I've got some work commitments..." she answered. "I need to fly back from Tokyo on the 7th..." I was happy to hear she would come; even if only for part of the trip.

"I'll take what I can get...thanks..." I told her and lit a cigarette and leaned back in my chair.

------------------------

4th April 1985

London

Deacy's POV

"Do you need a ride Deacy?" Roger quipped in the telephone with a clear sense of amusement as he asked. I immediately flipped him the bird even though he couldn't see it and made a huffing sound.

"Fuck off Taylor!" I barked back and hung up the phone. I had grown tired of my band mates and crew continually teasing me about my suspended driver's license. They all found it quite funny and took great pleasure in ribbing me any time the opportunity presented itself. It's a shame my wife didn't share their sense of humor about it.

Veronica walked by my office door and stopped. She leaned in and seemed to note the scowl on my face.

"When do you head for the airport?" she questioned.

"I leave in an hour..." I replied. She nodded understanding and walked into my office. I remained in my chair and remained in my dour mood.

"You're going on tour...that usually makes you happy...why the sour face?" she asked me. I didn't want to say as it would just start her lecturing me again about drinking too much and driving and generally being irresponsible these days. Recent events had not helped the strain in our relationship. We had actually had several heated arguments. Something we don't normally do. It had made her question going to Japan with me and it made me just want another drink.

"Just not looking forward to the long flight..." I lied. I knew she could tell it was a lie. I was too irritated to make an effort.

"I guess I will have to be well prepared when I fly to Tokyo..." she remarked.

"So you're still coming?" I asked her. Hoping she would. Despite the problems we had right now, I had grown excited about her coming. Being able to show her how beautiful Japan is and how lovely the fans are there. Being alone with her and being able to talk without the distractions of family and the band. Hoping to find a way to work things about between us.

"We need this..." Ronnie replied. I nodded agreement. "I will be there..." she confirmed. I found a smile for her good news. I sat up in my chair and she came over and I pulled her into my lap. Wrapping my arms around her and nuzzling into her. Still needing her. Still wanting her despite my moodiness and discontent with my life.

"I'm sorry I've been such a horror..." I mumbled into her shoulder.

"I know..." she replied gently. Rubbing my back as we sat there. "Promise me we will really talk in Japan...and figure things out..." she requested. I nodded.

"I promise..." I answered. She patted my back and went to get up from my lap. I pulled her in for a kiss before she could stand up. She kissed me back and we shared a tender exchange. It felt nicer than the gruff treatment we had given each other of late.

"You better get ready..." she informed me as she slipped from my lap. I watched her walk from the room and she stopped at the door. "I love you John Deacon..." she told me in a sincere and loving voice. I smiled at her. A genuine wide smile.

"I love you Veronica Tetzlaff..." I replied. Still using our old call and response from when we first confessed our love to each other. Even with getting married, I had never changed my sentiment. She seemed to like that at least that hadn't changed.

----------------------------------------------

I kissed and hugged my family goodbye and a car appeared in front of my home. It was a familiar white saloon car and I knew who had arrived to take me to the airport. The driver took my carry on bags and stuck them in the boot as I opened the back seat and found Freddie relaxing inside.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" I asked him as I got in and closed the door. He smiled warmly at me.

"You required transport and I wanted some company along the way..." he remarked as the driver got in front and pulled out. The privacy window was already up between the seats. Despite him saying he wanted company, we rode in silence for a while. Freddie already had a drink and offered me one. I declined. Trying to exert a measure of self control these days. I was grateful when he didn't make a comment about my suspended license and the drinking that caused it. I knew I wouldn't get the same courtesy from the others on the tour.

"How did the interviews go for your new album?" I asked to break the silence. He smiled.

"Quite well actually..." he answered. "David Wigg was kind enough to do an interview...which always helps since he's loyal to me..." he remarked. David was also homosexual and was careful and deliberate in most of his writing when it came to his homosexual acquaintances. It earned him a lot of exclusive interviews in return.

"And how was Munich over the winter?" I asked. Curious how his recent visit had gone. He seemed to spend most of his free time there. His boyfriend lived there after all. Freddie took a drink before answering and pulled out his cigarettes. He offered me one which I accepted and I found it odd he wasn't blathering on about his social life in the German city.

"I might be spending less time there socially..." he finally answered in a subdued voice. I was surprised to hear it.

"Are things not going well with Winnie?" I questioned. "Are you and Barbara still friendly?" he shook his head.

"I'm still good friends with Barbara but I feel things have reached an end game with dear Winnie..." he confessed. "He can just be too much at times and the language thing has just grown tiresome..." he stated. He had mentioned the language barrier before when he complained about Winnie but had yet to break up with him. I figured the only reason he would finally end the relationship was if he met someone else.

"You met someone else...didn't you?" I inquired. The look on Freddie's face told me I was right. The fact that he almost blushed in response made me curious. "Who is he?" I asked. Freddie ran his finger over the edge of his drink glass. Almost being demure.

"You remember I told you I had met a man last year in a bar who is completely my type and I had hit on him and he turned me down?" Freddie told me. I did remember and smiled at him.

"I believe you had asked him how big his cock was and he told you to fuck off..." I recalled. Freddie nodded agreement.

"Yes...well...I ran into him again a few weeks ago while in that club called Heaven and he was there alone...so I took a chance and walked up and offered to buy him a drink..." he explained and then smiled widely as he remembered. "And he bought me one instead!" Freddie said with delight.

"That's wonderful Freddie!" I responded with sincere happiness hearing it. "Did you go out with him? What happened?" I questioned as I caught his excitement about his news. His face almost expressed a touch of shyness which I found endearing. I could see he was intrigued with this new man.

"We had a few drinks and we danced and he came home with me...and we fell asleep laying in my bed talking..." he divulged.

"So you didn't have sex with him?" I asked him. He smiled widely.

"No...we only cuddled..." he confessed. Now we both shared a knowing grin. Understanding that this meant something.

"And have you managed to cuddle with him again since then?" I asked him. Freddie shook his head.

"No...I've been too busy with the album and now it's the tour..." he answered. "But I plan to call him as soon as we return..."

"What's his name?" I inquired. Curious who this mysterious man is that he preferred to cuddle with.

"His name is Jim...Jim Hutton..."

-----------------------------------

Brian's POV

I'd only had a few days for the news to sink in. It was official! Dom is pregnant. Roger phoned me the other night to let know. Not wanting me to find out from anyone else. I was happy for Dom but found myself having mixed feelings about the reality of it all. It truly drove home the fact Roger was sleeping with her. I couldn't be upset because it was something we had talked about. Agreed to before it happened. Just like me being with Chrissie. Still - it was a heavy dose of our new reality.

My leaving this time on tour wasn't as bad for Jimi as when I left in January. He was distracted by plans made with his friends and some events taking place at school. My parents moved into my house to care for Jimi while I was gone. That way he could see Ian from down the street. He would see his other best friend, Sam, at school.

I had not planned to tell him Chrissie was going on the trip with me. I wanted to use this trip to make sure we were ideally suited before I asked if she wanted to move in with me and Jimi. If things didn't work out then I didn't want him expecting anything from us traveling together.

After leaving my house, I picked up Chrissie at her home and we went straight to the airport. She was excited about the trip and we chatted about it until we arrived at the departure gate. Our bags were collected and we went inside. Roger and Dom were already there and were off to the side speaking as Crystal came up to greet me.

"Morning!" he said brightly as we approached. "Our plane is leaving from gate 22..." he advised as he glanced over at Roger and Dom. He obviously felt a little awkward with our current situation.

"Morning Crystal..." I replied. "You remember Chrissie..." I said and he smiled and nodded as she shook her hand.

"Sure!" he said in a friendly tone. "Welcome back!" he told her.

"Thanks..." Chrissie replied. Roger and Dom began walking towards us. It felt so odd for us to be standing here with these women at our sides. I guess this is our new norm. At least for now.

"Hey Chrissie..." Roger said politely as he came up and leaned in and kissed her cheek. She was surprised at his friendliness and accepted his greeting.

"Hi Roger..." she replied as my husband gestured at Dominique.

"Dominique Beyrand...this is Chrissie Mullen...eh...Chrissie Roberts..." he said as he corrected himself. Confused about what name she used since she divorced. Chrissie just smiled.

"It's Mullen..." she confirmed and shook Dominique's hand. Both women had warm smiles for each other.

"It's lovely to finally meet you..." Dom remarked. I went over and gave Dom a hug and she kissed my cheek. "It's good to see you Brian..." she told me sincerely. I smiled at her.

"You too..." I said honestly. It was hard to dislike her. She is a genuinely nice person. Like Chrissie. I wanted to congratulate her on the baby news but I had not told Chrissie yet. I wanted to tell, but needed time to absorb it before I said anything. I would tell her once we were in New Zealand or Australia.

"We should probably get a move on folks..." Crystal advised as he tapped at his watch. We all began walking to the gate together. I was on one end and Chrissie and Dom walked in the middle. Roger was on the other end. We hadn't gone far and a photographer appeared from the side. Taking our picture as we walked. All of us ignored him as we kept going. It was a good thing that it might be published but that wasn't on the top of anyone's mind right now.

We had chartered a plane to fly us to New Zealand and beyond. With the size of our crew and our main luggage, it was required these days. The nice thing was that is was customized and not set up like a regular commercial airplane. The seating was spread out and there were tables and places to actually lay down. Much nicer for an overseas flight. A customs agent was waiting for us and processed our passports as we waited to board. Freddie and Deacy soon arrived in the gate area and we proceeded to board the plane.

"Let's sit over there..." I suggested to Chrissie once we stepped into the plane. We headed for a cluster of seats and pulled off our coats. The air hostess came and took them from us as we got settled. Dom and Roger had chosen seats at the opposite end of the seating area. I wasn't sure if I was relieved or irritated by it. This all felt so surreal.

"I hope you all are ready for the longest flight of your lives!" Crystal commented as he fastened his seat belt. It was going to be the longest flight we had undertaken to date. It was about 25 hours and as I sat and watched my husband sitting across the cabin from me; I realized this tour was going to be a long haul as well. I instantly thought of those song lyrics - 'What a long, strange trip it's been...'

-------------------

12 hours later

Roger's POV

"That's 16 points..." I told Freddie as I wrote my own score down on the paper pad next to me. He made a sound of discouragement as he eyed his wooden tiles.

"What's the score?" he asked.

"You're at 204...and I'm at 212..." I answered. I watched him as he looked over his options again. Clearly unsure what his next step would be.

"This game could go either way..." Freddie remarked as he picked up three tiles and laid them down. Adding to the existing word 'RAVEN' to make it 'RAVENOUS.'

"How much?" I asked him as he counted his total. A smile breaking out on his face.

"That's 19..." he answered. I wrote it down and updated his score. Noting his pleased look.

"Did you notice that everyone is asleep?" he commented as I reviewed my tiles for my turn. I looked up and noted the stillness in the cabin. Almost everyone was reclined back in their chairs with a blanket pulled over them. Spike was in the far corner reading a book with his overhead light. Paul was snoring and sleeping on one of the sofas. Brian was actually asleep for once and seemed comfortable with his footrest just long enough to accommodate his legs. Chrissie was asleep in the chair next to him. Dom was spread out on one of the sofas that were built into the side of the cabin. I had insisted she sleep there since it would be more comfortable and she could lay on her side if she needed. Deacy was completely out after having a few drinks earlier. His head slumped to the side and his mouth open. I was tempted to get up and sneak over there and put something in his drooping mouth. I decided to be good for a change.

"Spike's awake..." I pointed out as I resumed looking at my tiles. Freddie sipped his drink.

"Spike can play whoever wins this round..." Freddie suggested. He was quiet as I made my decision and laid down my tiles. Spelling 'VIGOR' using the V from 'RAVENOUS.'

"You know that Veronica is flying in to Tokyo when we get there..." Freddie suddenly announced. I nodded as I jotted down my score. I was aware of this. Deacy had told me.

"Yes...I know..." I confirmed. He leaned forward a little.

"And you've brought Dom and Brian has Chrissie with him..." Freddie pointed out the obvious.

"What are you getting at?" I asked him. He appeared a touch sad.

"You've all got someone with you..." he pouted to me. I realized Freddie was in one of his moods regarding his love life. I waited for the speech about him not being able to find someone. I prepared some words of encouragement.

"You could have brought Winnie or Barbara...or Mary even..." I reminded him. I was surprised when his expression shifted and he appeared almost like a child with a secret.

"I could have brought my new beau..." he suddenly chimed in.

"What new beau?' I questioned. Freddie kept his smug expression as he paused to take a slow sip. Eyeing me as he swallowed. Savoring the anticipation. He sat his glass down and reached for his cigarettes.

"I made a new acquaintance in London..." he divulged. "He's quite handsome and he's just my type!" he informed me. I could see from Freddie's expression his new find was intriguing to him.

"And who is he?" I inquired. Actually curious to know who he had found. At least this man probably spoke English.

"His name is Jim...and he's a men's hairstylist..." Freddie answered. "I met him at Heaven and he went home with me that night...and guess what?" he then challenged. I could just imagine what his surprise might be.

"He had a massive cock!" I guessed. Freddie giggled but then shook his head.

"He doesn't have a massive cock?' I questioned; based on his reaction.

"I wouldn't know dear..." Freddie stated. "Because I didn't sleep with him..." he said proudly. I had to admit that was a surprise.

"You didn't fuck him?" I asked to be certain. "You took him home and you didn't fuck him?" I asked again. Freddie grinned.

"We didn't!" he confirmed. "We just talked and cuddled!" he admitted. I could tell from the fact he wanted me to know he hadn't slept with this guy implied this Jim person was special.

"Well fuck Freddie!" I responded with delight. Before I could say anything else Paul came walking towards us. He had woke up and came and stood by Freddie's chair.

"Are you on again about that barber?" Paul complained. I could see Freddie was put out by his words.

"He's a stylist at a posh hotel!" Freddie argued. "The Savoy!" he boasted.

"C'mon Paul..." I remarked to get him to stop him deflating Freddie. Paul put his hands on his hips and sighed.

"Fine!" Paul responded insincerely. "He's nothing special Freddie..." he then said. Having to get another dig in.

"You're just jealous!" Freddie countered as he lit his cigarette. "You just bed everyone you meet and don't ever get to know them..." he said snidely. "I want something more permanent in my life...something real..." Freddie told him with conviction. "I want what he's got!" Freddie declared as he gestured at me. Paul smirked at me.

"What he's got?" Paul said with disdain. He made a huffing sound. "You want that mess he's in for yourself?' he questioned. I found myself somewhat insulted by Paul's remark.

"May I remind you that I am one of the four people signing your paycheck?" I said sharply. Paul made a feeble attempt to look amused and laughed lightly.

"I was only joking..." Paul said and only sounded half convincing. He turned and walked to the bathroom and stepped inside. Sliding the door closed and locking it. I turned back to Freddie.

"He's sure got a big head these days!" I pointed out to Freddie. He made a sound of discontent hearing my opinion.

"He's valuable Rog..." Freddie said back. Defending the man he spent time with outside of our business affairs. "He's good with the press..." he added to try and drive home his point. I reached over and stole one of Freddie's cigarettes.

"He's not that good..." I replied and lit the cigarette.

--------------------------------------------------

Freddie and I eventually got some sleep of our own. The plane had stopped to refuel in Turkey and then took off again for the last part of our flight. Soon we landed in Auckland and we disembarked and got through customs without much fanfare. None of us had been to New Zealand and were curious to see what we could on the drive from the airport into the city center.

There were four limos waiting for us when we left the airport. Dom and I were riding in one with Crystal. We took in the sights. It was summertime here and everything looked green and lush. It almost felt reminiscent of Ireland.

"I want to go surfing when we get a break..." Crystal proposed as we looked out the limo windows. Catching sight of the beautiful blue water and the beaches.

"I'll be skipping that!" Dom informed us. We all grinned at the obvious reason why.

"I am sure you can find yourself a lovely pool to enjoy..." I promised.

"Right now I'd prefer a nap in a real bed!" she responded. Clearly tried from the flight. I patted her leg and kept looking out the window. Enjoying the view. We reached the city center and I knew we had to be close to the hotel.

"Shit!" I heard Crystal and looked over at him. He was looking through the front windscreen of the car; past the driver.

"What is it?" I asked as I leaned forward. He turned and sighed at me.

"It looks like New Zealand hasn't forgotten about Sun City..." he replied. I shifted off my seat and moved forward to get next to him. Seeing the crowd of protestors in front of what was apparently our hotel. They were shouting and waving large signs in the air. This was not how I wanted to start this tour. I moved back over and slumped in the seat by Dom. Letting out a weary sigh.

"Fucking Sun City!" I growled. "I wish we'd never heard of the place!" I grumbled as the limo eased up slowly to the entrance and some of the protestors began shouting at the car.

Chapter Text

5th April 1985

Auckland New Zealand

Brian's POV

We had landed safely but were incredibly tired and after running into protestors in front of the hotel, I was ready to just get a shower and lie in bed. This trip so far felt like a weird dream. I wasn't supposed to be on a plane sitting next to Chrissie and Roger wasn't supposed to be with Dom.

We took separate limos to the hotel and once Chrissie and I were shown our suite, I went straight for the shower and stood in the stall for a while. Trying to wash away the long flight and soak in my new reality. Back in London, being with Chrissie seemed like a good idea. But going on tour and being in places I should I normally be with Roger made me wonder if this was a bad idea.

I toweled off and pulled on one of the hotel robes and found Chrissie unpacking. We would be here rehearsing for a few days so it made sense.

"I can unpack your things for you..." she offered. I shrugged.

"If you want..." I said quietly and walked to the kitchenette and found some bottled water. Taking a large drink as I observed her opening my suitcase and removing my clothes. "There isn't anything going on tonight...everyone will rest up from the flight..." I informed her as she opened some drawers to put the clothes away.

"I figured that would be the case..." she replied. I walked over and grabbed some clothes to put on and changed into some jogging bottoms and a t-shirt. Not planning on leaving the suite tonight. I worked on finishing my water as Chrissie finished unpacking. She went to the bathroom to freshen up and I picked up the phone. Using this moment to call Roger while she showered. I dialed the switchboard since I didn't know his room number.

"Operator..."

"Can I have Roy Tanner's room please?" I requested. Using the alias he had told me he would have for this trip.

"One moment..." I waited for an answer as I watched the bathroom door. It rang for a bit before the operator came back on.

"There's no answer...is there a message?" she asked.

"No message...thank you..." I said and hung up. I figured Roger and Dom might have gone out or were napping. The image of them lying in bed together crossed through my mind and then I wondered if they were having sex. My stomach knotted thinking of it. I got up from the chair and walked to the kitchenette. I noticed a large gift basket on the counter and stopped when I saw a bottle of vodka in it. Without thinking I pulled the bottle from the basket and found some orange juice in the mini fridge. I poured myself a drink and walked to the sofa and had a seat.

I had turned on the television and was clicking the remote to see what channels they had. I figured some would be BBC or similar in New Zealand. I found a World War II documentary and left it on. Sipping my drink and trying to not think about much.

"You should eat something if you're going to drink..." Chrissie commented when she appeared from the shower. She was wearing a kaftan and her hair was tied up.

"We can order some room service..." I suggested and Chrissie went and got the menu from the desk and looked it over. "I don't care what I have..." I advised as she decided for herself. I sat and pretended to watch the documentary and finished my drink as she called for the food.

"They said about 30 minutes..." she advised as she came over and sat next to me. I nodded as I stared at the tv.

"I might have another drink while we wait...you want one?" I asked her as I got up to make one.

"Why don't you wait until the food is here..." she suggested. I shrugged and sat back down. Feeling restless despite being tired. It just felt so odd being on tour and not being with Roger. Chrissie being here just made it more apparent. I glanced at the door and then the telephone. Wondering what he was doing. "Are you watching this?" Chrissie asked next. I turned back to to the tv and shook my head.

"Not really...you can change it..." I mumbled. She got comfortable and took the remote and began going through the channels. I watched her reach for the newspaper on the coffee table and she checked the listings. Her face brightened and she looked at me. "Do you mind if we watch a new show?" she requested. "It started a few months ago back home and it's on tonight..." she said as I nodded agreement. I didn't care. She changed the channel and shifted closer to me. I let her lean into my side and I put my arm around her. Trying to feel something as I looked at the television. Wanting to be better company for her.

"What show is it?" I asked.

"It's a new drama about people living in East London...it's called EastEnders..." she informed me. I smiled at her and was curious how the show would represent that part of London.

"Do you know the characters?" I questioned.

"For the most part..." she answered as she gestured that the show was beginning. "I can explain as we watch..." she said as the opening credits played. I had never watched any serial dramas. I think being gone from home so much prevented me from getting into anything with continuity. Chrissie already seemed engrossed as she watched. Some women were in a launderette gossiping and then it switched to a scene with a party in a pub.

A woman in the pub was clearly drunk and was collected by a man I presumed was her husband. He took her upstairs as she cackled to him about not being drunk when she was obviously plastered. It was compelling to watch. I'd not seen a lot of depictions of drunk women and found it a bit fascinating. The actress was good in the role and so was the man playing her husband.

"Who are they?" I asked Chrissie. She kept watching as she spoke.

"That is Den and Angie...they own the pub..." she explained. "They have a volatile marriage...she's got a drinking problem and he's having an affair..." I smiled at the typical things included in a heavy drama. Not too surprised. I was surprised as we kept watching at how well the subject matters were handled. While Angie did seem a bit over the top, she also seemed genuine in a way. From the people I had encountered from the East End, she had done pretty well with her portrayal.

Our food arrived and we ate quietly. I could see Chrissie was tired like me. She had ordered us a light meal and I finished as she got up and began changing clothes.

"Let's go take a walk...we will sleep better for it..." she suggested. I felt conflicted because I wanted to try Roger again and if she left for a walk I could call without her in the room. But I remembered I had invited her on this trip so I smiled and got up from my chair and got dressed. Wanting to be a better host.

We left the hotel and found the warm breeze outside refreshing. The hotel was right on the harbor and we walked along the pier taking in the sight of the calm ocean waters and the setting sun.

"This is lovely..." Chrissie remarked as we stopped and peered at the horizon.

"Wait until you see Australia..." I reminded her. She smiled widely and took my hand as we continued walking. I think I was too quiet.

"I know you are missing Roger..." Chrissie suddenly stated as we walked. She didn't look at me and kept talking as we strolled down the waterfront. "I know that being on tour and not being with him has to be strange for you..." she remarked. I only nodded agreement. Surprised she was so adept at understanding my mood and being open about it. "Dom seems nice and they seem comfortable with each other..." she commented.

"They've known each other quite a while...like us..." I replied. "She is a nice person...I do like her..." I added. I wondered if I should tell Chrissie that Dom is pregnant. I planned to but wanted to talk about it at the right time. I think I was also adjusting to the idea as well.

"I want to tell you something...you made already know..." Chrissie stated as she stopped walking and turned to look at me. It occurred to me that she had probably surmised Dom was pregnant. With being a midwife, she had to be aware of the signs and Dom was already 11 weeks along.

"What is it?" I replied. Curious to see if that is what she had concluded. I watched as she took a deep breath.

"I'm not sure how you will feel about it..." she began and I knew she was going to tell me she had figured it out. I saw Chrissie hesitate for a moment.

"I wanted to tell you I'm pregnant!" she blurted out. My mouth fell open. It was only because I was expecting to hear about Dom; not about Chrissie. I could see her face start to fall and I quickly found a smile for her. Not wanting her to think I was upset or disappointed. I'm just surprised. It seemed to happen so quickly.

"Chrissie!" I said as it sunk in. "That's wonderful news!" I declared as I reached for her and pulled her into a hug. I could feel her relief as I pressed her close. "I'm sorry if I looked odd...I'm just surprised!" I explained. We stood there for a moment and then she pulled back to look at me. Tucking her hair behind her ear.

"I found out a few weeks ago but wanted to wait for the trip to surprise you...and I guess I did!" she said and laughed lightly. Clearly happy.

"When are you due?" I asked her. She smiled and I watched her shift her hand down to her stomach.

"In October....I'm about 10 weeks..." she revealed. I couldn't believe that she was pregnant too and was due at the same time as Dom.

"There is something you should know..." I quickly said as she looked at me with a mix or curiosity and concern. "Dom is also pregnant..." I told her. Her face kept the concern.

"Alright..." she said and looked at me intently. "Are you okay?" she questioned as she squeezed my hand. I had to be okay so I simply nodded and for some reason felt a swell of emotion. With everything I had not realized I was going to be a father again. At the consideration my eyes filled with tears and I smiled widely.

"I'm okay about Roger and Dom..." I said as I let my tears fall. She appeared worried but I squeezed her hand back. "I'm crying because I just realized you're having a baby!" I pointed out. "I'm going to be a father again!" I said and she smiled back as we stood and held hands and I saw some tears form in her eyes.

"I'm so relieved you're okay with this..." she said as she seemed to exhale a little. I pulled her back in for hug.

"It's the best news Chrissie!" I said as I felt a mix of excitement and anxiety as we held each other. "We're going to have a baby!"

-----------------------------------------

6th April 1985

I hadn't had a chance to talk to Roger. Chrissie and I returned to the suite and were both worn out from the flight and the emotion of her news. We fell asleep quickly and woke to a wake up call from Paul regarding some interviews we had that morning. I left her in the room to rest and enjoy the pool as I met the others in the hotel conference room to meet the local press. After posing for a slew of photographs the reporters began pulling us into interviews. A local journalist had his cameraman ready and we began talking to him. Everyone appeared tired and a little quiet as he spoke. Roger and I were on opposite ends. Making sure we never looked too cozy together. I felt distracted by everything going on in my private life as the reporter asked about our professional one. Directing most of his questions at Freddie. The one he was answering now was about how we ended up managing ourselves with Jim Beach's assistance.

"It can get complicated...you can't be wonderful businessmen and make crap music!" Freddie remarked as he explained us handling our own affairs.

"There's no doubt that you are one of the most wealthy bands in the world..." the reported responded.

"We're all extremely wealthy..." Freddie confirmed. "But this question is a difficult one...you'd probably need to ask us each individually...but wealth brings with it a lot of problems..." he remarked candidly. I agreed with his words. "And we all have different problems.." said as we all kind of nodded silent agreement. "You know anybody listening to this now is going to say 'well we're superstars and we've got lots of money and we have a good time'...they're not with it... he explained passionately. "We're very hard working and we have to work harder than most people think...and the money we make...it brings a lot of problems..." he stated vehemently as we all seemed pensive at his words. Roger and Deacy were both smoking and seemed lost in thought. Both considering the problems they had as a result of our lifestyles. Our choices. Roger looked my way and for a moment we shared an expression of understanding exactly what those problems were. At least for us. Secrets and blackmail and possibly making bad decisions regarding our current situation. Roger puffed on his cigarette as Freddie finished speaking.

"Any plans for seeing New Zealand since it is your first visit here?" the reporter asked to shift to a lighter topic after Freddie's heavy remarks.

"We've got some things arranged..." Roger answered. "I know we're taking a boat out to see some islands and visiting a park..." he commented. The reporter seemed satisfied with his general answer.

"I understand some of you have brought family with you..." he questioned and Freddie and Deacy looked at us both.

"Yes..." I said quickly and quietly. Trying to smile as I said it.

"My girlfriend is excited to visit here..." Roger commented to add depth to the conversation as he took a drag from his cigarette. Freddie lit one while listening to us talk.

"Mine too..." I added for good measure. I could almost feel Freddie roll his eyes at our words.

"My wife isn't here but is joining me when we go to Japan..." Deacy chimed in. Freddie remained silent at hearing we all had someone with us. He looked over towards the door as he smoked.

"I hope you all enjoy your time here..." the reporter said sincerely as he wrapped up his interview.

"Thank you!" Freddie told him politely as the cameraman switched off his machine and we shook hands with the reporter.

"We've got a break before your next interview..." Paul suddenly announced as he appeared behind the cameraman.

"I could use a drink dear..." Freddie requested as he stood up and seemed quiet. Probably thinking about his own words about our lives at the moment.

"Alright...anyone else?" Paul asked as we all stood up from the chairs we had occupied.

"I'm good..." I said as Roger also declined and Deacy walked off with Paul talking about something. It left Roger and I standing next to each other as Phoebe showed up and Freddie went to speak to him.

"We didn't talk last night..." I remarked as Roger continued smoking and we both avoided looking at each other. Standing side by side by appearing half interested in each other.

"Sorry...we fell asleep after we got settled in..." Roger explained as he glanced at me for a moment. I nodded understanding.

"Us as well..." I half lied. We both stood there and it felt awkward. "I need to talk to you tonight..." I said. Needing to let him know about Chrissie and still trying to process it. He nodded understanding.

"Call me at 11...suite 610..." he advised. I memorized his room number as he gestured at the door. "I'm heading for the loo..." he suddenly said and walked off towards the door. I saw him glance back at me with what I took as a signal to follow him. He went out the door and I fumbled around with my shoes as I tried to see if anyone was watching me. I got up and casually headed for the door. Still checking for someone watching. Feeling a little nervous as I went to the door and it opened before I could touch it. A group of men came through talking and I let myself slide past them through the door as I peered around for the bathroom sign. Glad the hallway was empty.

I saw the directional sign and quickly moved that way. I was almost there when a door marked 'private' opened and Roger appeared in the crack. Waving me inside. I slid in as he closed the door and locked it. It was some kind of office and was empty. Roger leaned against the door and smiled at me.

"I took a chance it was unlocked..." he said with satisfaction. I instantly got closer to him and he pulled me in for a kiss. We stood there and just held each other and had our lips pressed together. Having a slow lazy kiss. Savoring the feel of each other. He tasted of mint and a hint of cigarette and the familiarity of it was delicious.

After a while he pulled back. "You wanted to tell me something..." he stated. I nodded and looked him in his beautiful blue eyes.

"Chrissie is pregnant..." I announced. I expected him to be surprised or disappointed but he let out a light sigh.

"I figured it wouldn't be long..." Roger commented and didn't seem upset at all. Resigned to it already. "Dom and I both figured it would happen sooner than later..." he remarked. "She wants a child and you offered so...why would she wait?" he pointed out.

"It's odd...she's due at the same time as Dom..." I told him. He nodded and we just shared a look of acceptance at the situation we are in. If we had any reservations about our intentions with these women, it was too late to reconsider.

"Congratulations! I guess..." he said finally. I nodded. I had kind of said something similar when he confirmed Dom was pregnant.

"Thanks...I guess..." I said back and he pulled me in for another kiss. Both of us forgetting about what we had just said.

"I miss you..." he told me.

"I miss you too..." I replied as we just stood in the dark office and held each other. Taking advantage of a stolen moment. There were a million things I wanted to tell him. To say. But right now just being able to hold him was all I needed. The feel of his warm skin and his scent permeating me.

"We probably need to head back..." he finally stated as we kept hold of each other. I hated those words but knew he was right. I let go of him and felt the cold instantly as we parted. Both of us checked our clothes and wiped at our mouths. Trying to clear any evidence of this. Roger looked at me intently before he turned and slowly opened the office door and peered out.

I watched as he slipped away from me. I stood alone in the office and waited. Giving him time to go to the bathroom or back to the conference room. After a while I opened the door and stepped out. There were some men walking the other direction and they ignored me as they chatted. I was relieved as I took a deep breath and headed for the conference room.

-----------------------------

---Dom's POV---

Roger was busy most of the day with interviews and a radio program they were appearing on. After sleeping in and having a light meal I donned my swimsuit and headed downstairs for the pool. It was nice to swim outside during this time of year. It was still so cold back home. I walked to the area with lounge chairs and smiled as one of the waitstaff appeared. I ordered a virgin drink and pulled off my coverup. I walked to the pool and stepped into it gingerly. Uncertain how cold it was. I found it was nice and waded in to enjoy the relaxing feel of it. I did a few lazy laps since the pool wasn't busy. I swam to the side and leaned against the wall. Watching some people come and go. It had been a week since I had morning sickness and was relieved it wasn't ruining my trip. So far.

As I was preparing to get out I saw Chrissie approaching the pool area. I remained in place and watched her as she found a lounge chair and set down her tote bag. She slipped off her shoes and I noted she was wearing a rather drab navy blue one piece swimsuit. I was still wearing a bikini and even though I felt I was beginning to show, Roger said I looked great in it. She seemed ill at ease as she looked around. Tugging at her suit. She spotted me in the pool and froze. I smiled at her and waved.

"Hi!" I said in a friendly voice and began swimming to the steps. She stood and watched me as I came out of the pool. She was clearly eyeing me up and down. I saw her hone in on my stomach. I guess she knows I'm pregnant.

"Hi..." she said back meekly. I walked to my lounger and grabbed my towel.

"Did you get settled in?" I questioned as she remained standing frozen and looking at me. She nodded and seemed to loosen up a little.

"Yes...and you?" she said back politely. I could sense she was quite nervous about this meeting and I sat down on my lounger completely relaxed and took a sip of my drink. I noted her surprise at seeing me sip what appeared to be an alcoholic drink. I found it amusing.

"The suites here are nice..." I answered and smiled at her. "In case you're wondering...the drink is non-alcoholic..." I informed her. Her face softened hearing it and then she seemed self conscious about being obvious. She twisted her towel in her hands. A nervous smile on her lips.

"Well! It's none of my business!" she said a little flustered. I felt bad for her. She didn't seem to know how to deal with me. I patted the end of my lounger and smiled at her.

"Chrissie...come sit...let's talk..." I said sweetly. She seemed to hesitate and looked around before finally moving and walking towards me. She slowly sat down on the long chaise and looked at me. Half confused and half anxious. I gave her a warm expression as I looked into her eyes. "I think we need to get to know each other...be friends...we are both in a similar situation..." I pointed out. She nodded but seemed coy.

"I guess we are..." she finally admitted and I watched her place a hand over her stomach. I realized she was pregnant. I wasn't entirely surprised. I smiled widely at her.

"How far along are you?" I asked. She seemed to relax a little hearing me ask the obvious question.

"I just hit ten weeks..." she answered. I leaned a little closer as I placed my hand on my own stomach.

"I just hit eleven myself..." I told her. "Are you excited?" I asked as her expression shifted to one that reflected she was.

"I am!" she replied with a perkier tone. "I've wanted a baby for a long time and this is my chance..." she confessed. I nodded understanding.

"It's my chance too..." I told her and we shared a look of understanding. Reaching that common ground we needed. "I'm thankful that Roger was willing to help me out..." I commented. "I'm happy to help cover for him and Brian in return..."

"It seems like a fair trade to me too..." she agreed. Both of us finally sharing an understanding smile. Finding our common ground. The waiter approached us.

"Care for a drink Miss?" he asked her. Chrissie glanced over at my drink and I took the initiative.

"She'll have the same as me please..." I requested. The waiter nodded and turned and Chrissie smiled at me.

"Thanks..." she told me. I leaned back against the chaise.

"You're welcome..." I replied. "So...do you want a boy or a girl?" I questioned. I could see this was the right question to ask. Her face lit up.

"I'd be happy with either...but I secretly want a girl...." she confessed. "And you?" she asked.

"I'm happy either way..." I answered. Being truthful. "Brian is a great father..." I remarked and she quickly nodded agreement.

"He is..." she agreed. "Jimi is a lovely boy...." she advised. "We get along really well..."

"I bet it's a great help to Brian that you are there for Jimi..." I said as she seemed pleased to her my compliment.

"I like taking care of them both..." she advised. "I love being a caretaker..." she explained. "It's one of the reasons I am excited to be a mother...have own of my own..." she revealed. Roger had told me she didn't work and that Brian had mentioned she volunteers at a youth shelter and is a trained nurse and midwife. All caregiving positions. It seemed like Brian and Jimi needing her was a match made in heaven. She could devote herself fully to them.

"I'm not that great at being a caretaker....except for myself...but I feel that will change with a child..." I revealed about myself. "And Roger still has Mia so she can help out with the baby while I work..." I explained to her.

"You're still going to work?" she asked me with a sense of surprise. I felt like I was speaking to a woman from an earlier generation. Her question felt archaic. It is 1985 after all and she was having a baby out of wedlock.

"I have a quite satisfying career as a publicist...I have no intentions of giving it up..." I told her pointedly. She softened her expression as she realized she had sounded judgmental.

"Sorry...I meant no offense...I guess we are just different that way..." she said honestly. I appreciated that she explained her reaction. She was more traditional in her role and that was fine. There were plenty of things we had in common. I smiled as I thought of one.

"I don't know about you...but I think I need to start looking for some maternity clothes..." I told her and she formed an understanding smile.

"My swimsuit doesn't fit right anymore..." she confessed as she tugged on the end of it by her hip. I reached over and patted her arm.

"Maybe we should find you a new one!" I proposed. "You want a suit you are comfortable in...especially for Australia..." I pointed out.

"Yes...I'd like that!" she stated as the waiter returned with her drink. I raised my glass to her.

"To our expanding waistlines and to expanding our wardrobes!" I toasted. Chrissie laughed as she touched her glass to mine.

"Cheers!" she replied and we both took a drink.

------------------------------------

---Roger's POV---

"I am exhausted!" Dom announced as we walked through the hotel lobby after the dinner held for the band by the local promoter. Brian and Chrissie were walking behind us. Dom turned to Chrissie as we stepped into the lift. "Do you have anything for heartburn?" Dom asked Chrissie as they stood together in the back of the lift and left Brian and I to stand on either side.

"Yes..." Chrissie answered as the women began chatting about medications you can't take when you're pregnant. It had become clear how much these two had bonded during the day when we all went to the dinner. They sat next to each other and talked most of the evening. Brian and I shared a look of acknowledgment as the women ignored us and talked about hot water bottles.

We stepped out on our floor and the women kept chatting as we headed for our separate suites. Sounding like old friends. They were making plans to shop for clothes the next day while we did some more interviews and saw the venue we would be playing. We went to our suites and Dom quickly changed into a pair of pajamas as I lingered with a cigarette on the balcony. I heard the telephone ring and she answered it as I stepped back inside. Finished with my smoke.

"Sure...hang on..." she said and gestured at me. "It's Freddie..." she announced. I walked over and took the phone as she disappeared into the bathroom.

"What a boring party..." Freddie whined instantly in the phone. I grinned. The promoter parties outside of Los Angeles and a few other cities were dull affairs.

"Aren't they always?" I pointed out as he chuckled.

"So true dear..." he answered. "Why don't you come join me for a game in my suite tonight..." he proposed. I was tempted and wanted to check with Dom. I covered the phone.

"Dom! Freddie is asking me to play Scrabble..." I shouted as she stepped out of the bathroom. Rubbing some cream into her face.

"By all means...go!" she told me. "I will be in that bed and asleep within the half hour..." she advised. I nodded and returned to my call.

"Alright...I need to change clothes..." I informed him.

"See you soon..." he replied and we hung up. I changed into one of my track suits and found my cigarettes and lighter and leaned in the bathroom as Dom dried her face off.

"I'm off..." I stated. "His room number is on the notepad..." I reminded Dom as she hung up the towel.

"Have fun and stay as long as you want..." she said as I leaned over and pecked her clean cheek.

"Thanks...good night..." I said and she nodded as I headed out. I trotted down the hall and noted a security guard was posted by the lift. I supposed they were making sure no fans or photographers invaded our rooms. We had booked the entire floor for our stay. The security guard tipped his cap when he saw me and I smiled at him.

I knocked on Freddie's door and Phoebe opened it with a smile.

"Hey Pheebs..." I said as I stepped in. The dining table already had the Scrabble board laid out and there were ashtrays and a pushcart with food and drinks next to it. As usual, Phoebe had arranged for every need.

"Hi Roger..." Phoebe replied. Freddie came out of his bedroom and smiled at me. Wearing one of his Japanese kimono robes. He turned his attention to Phoebe.

"Thank you dear...we look all set!" he told his assistant. Phoebe smiled back and headed for the door.

"Enjoy gentlemen...I'm off to the bar with the other Mr. Taylor..." he informed us. I smiled as he slipped out to join Crystal in the hotel bar. I placed my cigarettes and lighter by a chair as Freddie went to pour himself a drink.

"Is it just us?" I asked him. He smiled as he handed me a vodka tonic.

"No...there is one more joining us..." he responded as there was a knock on the door.

"Could you get that?" he asked as he filled another glass with ice. I went to the door and opened it. Expecting to see Paul or Ratty or Deacy. Brian was standing at the door and we both look surprised.

"You playing tonight?" I asked him as he came inside. He smiled at me.

"Yeah...Chrissie was going to bed and Freddie called..." he explained. The same situation as mine. Freddie handed Brian a vodka. The two of us took a seat at the table. Ready to start an all nighter of Scrabble. Freddie picked up his own drink and smiled at us.

"Gentlemen..." he said as he stood and looked at us. "If you'll excuse me... I have a phone date with a certain Irishman..." he informed us. "Enjoy the food and drink and your game..." he stated. "Or should I say...enjoy your date..." he clarified as he winked at us and walked to his bedroom. Brian and I watched in surprise as he slipped into his room and then turned to look at us both. "By the way..." Freddie said as he gazed at us with a knowing expression. "The other bedroom in this suite is empty...should you get tired and need to lay down..." he advised with marked innuendo as he closed his door. We both knew what he had implied and laughed at the audacious plan he had concocted for us.

"So!" I said as I turned to Brian with a cheeky expression. "What do you want to do first?" I asked in jest as he set his vodka down on the table and came over to me. I sat mine down as he pulled me into his arms and lifted me from the floor. I wrapped my legs around his hips as I grabbed onto his shoulders and instantly kissed him as he carried me to the bedroom.

Chapter Text

****** Please note there are multiple POV changes in this chapter. ******

7th April 1985

New Zealand

Freddie's POV

When the phone call ended I realized this might actually be a new beginning for me. I had not known Jim long, but he was so much my type of man and we seemed to click with each other. I loved his quiet nature but admired his belief in himself and easy going demeanor. And - he makes me laugh! I certainly giggled more than once during our long distance phone call. He seemed to enjoy my tittering. I sure did. With a promise to see each other after the tour ends, we left things at that - promising. I found myself considering the quick demise of my situation with Winnie. Between the language barrier and the jealous games we seem to play with each other, it has become tiresome and lost its luster. I was also tiring of Munich.

I got up from the bed and tightened the belt on my kimono and walked out of my room. Curious to see if Brian and Roger were still in my suite. The large dining table still contained our un-played game of Scrabble and the door to the other bedroom was closed. I did see Roger's cigarettes still laying on the table and knew he was still here. Him and Brian both. I grinned with delight as I walked to the bar to get myself a nightcap. I took a drink of vodka and it felt good going down my throat. I went in search of my cigarettes and found Roger's were the closest ones so I stole one from his packet. I grinned at the ignored setup for a night of game playing and walked to the large plush sofa and plopped down as I grabbed the remote for the television. I flipped through the channels as I smoked and sipped my vodka and soon found an old classic film. It was one I didn't know but I instantly recognized the star - Rita Hayworth. I grinned as I adjusted the volume and proceeded to watch as I waited for my friends to finish their secret tryst in my suite. Feeling devilish for instigating their time together.
-------------------------------------

Roger's POV

I was nestled against Brian's chest as we laid in the bed together. Despite Freddie's obvious intent, we had not got naked and got busy with each other. We had preferred to simply enjoy just being alone and being together. Brian had his arm wrapped around me and we were silent as we savored the quiet. We both missed these times. I am not sure how much time passed before Brian spoke.

"I guess we have to go back..." he finally announced. I lifted my hand and saw it was almost 4 in the morning. He was right. We needed to return to our rooms. We had been here for several hours. It was time to get back to Dom and Chrissie. I let out a sigh at the realization.

"I guess so..." I replied as I slowly pulled away from him. Letting the bedclothes slide off me. I had tucked in since I was cold. Brian pulled me back down as I sat up and we shared a lingering kiss. His hand stroking my arm as we struggled to let go of each other. We finally parted and both slid from the bed to find our shoes. Putting them back on as we pondered returning to reality. I walked to the door and slowly opened it. I peered out and saw Freddie had fallen asleep on the sofa watching a film. I felt Brian peering over my shoulder and we both began walking quietly out of the bedroom and tiptoed to the main door of the suite. We reached the door and we stopped. Looking at each other and knowing we shouldn't leave together. Brian nodded and opened the suite door and slipped out as I stood and waited for my turn. I watched Freddie on the sofa and didn't want to wake him. I counted to twenty and then slipped out the door. Walking gingerly to my suite and back to my bed with Dom.
-----------------------------------

Freddie's POV

I woke up to the sound of knocking on my suite door. I realized I was on the sofa and the television was showing nothing but the off air signal from the station.

"Hang on!" I yelled as I pulled myself from the sofa and walked to the door. If it was Phoebe he would have come in. He had a key. I checked the security spyhole and saw it was Paul. I wondered what time it was as I opened the door. Yawning heavily as I saw him standing there appearing.

"What time is it?" I asked him as I let him inside.

"It's just after 4 am..." Paul replied as he looked around.

"What did you want?" I questioned as I adjusted my kimono around me. Feeling a bit chilly and a little annoyed at the late intrusion.

"There was a report of a few fans running loose on this floor...so I wanted to make sure you were alone...I told security I would check your suite..." Paul explained as he began walking around and checking things. I suddenly remembered Brian and Roger were in my spare room and my breath caught as Paul neared the door.

"Don't go in there!" I said loudly and firmly. Paul stopped and appeared curious why I was stopping his search.

"Do you have company in there?" he instantly asked me. I tried to consider how to answer but he opened the door before I could provide one. I felt my stomach drop as he disappeared in the room. There was silence and then a few moments later he was coming back. "I guess your company left..." he remarked. I grinned at him as he checked a closet. He then eyed the table laden with the Scrabble game and the cart with the food and drinks.

"Brian and Roger were here playing Scrabble earlier..." I quickly told him. Paul nodded slightly as he slowly walked towards the table. I watched as he picked up Roger's cigarettes that he had apparently left behind.

"Right...well...the coast is clear..." Paul remarked. "I'll let security know..." he advised as he walked towards the door of my suite.

"Thanks for checking...." I said as he nodded and slipped out the door without another word.

"You're welcome..." I said back as the door closed. I found his visit odd for some reason but yawned again as I walked towards my bedroom. Seeking warmth from my duvet and some more sleep for my body and mind. And a smile on my face as I recalled my talk with Jim.
---------------------------------

7th April 1985

Brian's POV

I found myself shuffling around in bed and realizing I would be more comfortable if I turned over. I rolled over onto my side and felt the warmth of the body next to mine. I shuffled a little closer and my arm went sliding along the hip in front of me. I moved my hand over and rested it against their tummy. I felt a hand shift down and cover my own. Gently pressing it into their stomach. I found myself smiling as I contemplated the baby growing inside that belly.

I shifted a little closer and my face nuzzled into the mass of hair on the pillow next to me. I buried my face in the familiar hair and enjoyed the scent of the shampoo. I heard a murmur from my partner in bed and felt sublime at the warmth of being together and us both anticipating the joy to come in our growing baby.

It almost felt surreal to be holding my beloved. Dreamlike. I was floating on a cloud of contentment as I hugged them closer and felt like my world was perfect. With them at my side and a new baby coming soon; life was so good. Another murmur sound came from my bedfellow and I breathed out their name as I buried my face in their hair.

"Rog...."

The body I was holding suddenly stiffened. It made me open my eyes in alarm. Despite the darkness of the room I quickly realized I was lying in bed holding Chrissie in a strong embrace and my hand was on her abdomen. And I had called her Roger. It was not Roger next to me. It was Chrissie. I must have been in a half dream since I had just been holding him a few hours ago.

"I need to use the toilet..." Chrissie said quietly as I loosened my hold on her and she slipped out of the bed. I watched as she moved in the darkness and disappeared into the bathroom. Closing the door.

'Fuck!' I mumbled as I contemplated getting up and going to the bathroom door to apologize to her. I sat in the bed and felt terrible about what had transpired. I pulled the covers back and sat on the edge of the bed. Rubbing at my face and trying to understand my life right now. I needed to get up and go reassure her it was just a dream. As I stood up the door to the bathroom opened and she was walking back to the bed.

"I'm sorry....I think I was dreaming..." I suddenly told her. She reached the bed and sat down and pulled the blankets up over her.

"Let's just get some sleep...." she replied and laid down again. I had no idea what I should do and simply turned and laid down again. Chrissie turned over and faced away from me as I laid on my back and stared at the dark ceiling and wondered again how my life got to this point.
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30th April 1985

Sydney Australia

Roger's POV

"I keep forgetting you know Bob that well..." I remarked to Spike as we all sat on the plane together chatting. I was next to Spike and Deacy was on my other side. Freddie and Brian were in the seats facing us on the private plane. We were meeting about our remaining shows and Spike had asked to talk to us about a phone call he received.

"I did work with the Boomtown Rats quite a bit..." Spike reminded me. I felt stupid for forgetting.

"Right...sorry..." I replied as he nodded understanding.

"The reason Bob called is that he is organizing a massive concert event at Wembley to raise funds for his famine relief campaign..." Spike explained to us all. "He knows you have some ill feelings about missing out on the Band Aid Christmas single and he asked me to extend the offer to you to play the show..." Spike advised. The four of us looked at each other to gauge how we felt about the offer.

"Are we the headliners?" Freddie instantly asked. Spike smiled at him. Not surprised at the question.

"No one is the headliner..." Spike answered. "Bob said the show would be all day long and would end with everyone singing the Christmas single together..." Freddie and I both raised our eyebrows hearing this.

"How many acts are performing?" I asked next.

"I'm not sure..." Spike said back. "Bob was still finalizing the line up...but he's got the biggest names on board...Bowie...McCartney...U2...there is talk of a Led Zeppelin reunion of some sort..." he advised. "There is also talk of a show somewhere in America being done simultaneously with American acts..." he added.

"Sounds like everyone is doing it..." Brian remarked and Deacy formed a dubious expression.

"That doesn't mean we have to..." Deacy responded.

"When is the event?" I questioned.

"Bob said it's on the 13th of July...he's got tickets going on sale at the end of the week..." Spike advised.

"That's ambitious when he hasn't even finalized his line up..." Deacy commented.

"If he's got enough big names on board already...they will sell out..." Freddie assured us all.

"Well...think about it and let me know or let Bob know..." Spike requested. He got up to leave us to discuss the matter and after he stepped away I leaned forward.

"I guess we need to know if you are free to do the show..." I said to Freddie. "Were you planning on anything for your solo album?" I asked him. Freddie appeared uncertain.

"I have some promotion when we return...and for several weeks after..." he advised. "Of course, how long I might need depends on the success of the record...." he said honestly and then smirked at us. "I was told this morning my single will be at number 14 this week..." he divulged. Everyone smiled and I felt a twinge of jealousy hearing this. I had never got a chart position close to that with my solo work.

"Congratulations!" Deacy said with clear delight as Brian nodded agreement.

"That's brilliant Fred!" Brian agreed.

"Good on you!" I chimed in and Freddie gave me a look that showed he was aware of how I felt. Envious.

"Thank you..." he told us all. Paul walked up to us and leaned against Freddie's chair.

"Are you done with your private meeting?" Paul asked in a slightly irritated tone. I could tell he was miffed he wasn't included in the discussion.

"Yes..." Freddie informed him. "Could you be a dear and get me a fresh drink?" Freddie asked Paul as he held up his empty glass. Paul took the glass and appeared annoyed as he walked off to get it refilled with the stewardess.

"What's his problem?" I asked as Paul got out of earshot. Freddie shrugged.

"I'm not sure...he's been a bit odd since we were in New Zealand..." Freddie answered.

"I think he's not used to so many women being around..." Deacy remarked with an amused expression. He might be right. We had never had women with us so long on the road and he might have found it uncomfortable.

"Well ours are leaving once we get to Japan..." I pointed out. Dom and Chrissie both were flying home and decided to travel together. It was odd how fast they had become friendly with each other. It only helped Brian and I's situation.

"And mine is arriving once we get there..." Deacy reminded us. Freddie sat silent as we talked about our female companions. Paul returned with a fresh drink and we all got down to discussing the final setlist for our Japan shows and there was some talk of what the rest of the year might bring. When the discussion turned to babies due in the fall, Paul made an abrupt departure and we all shared a giggle at the look on his face as he disappeared. Clearly not interested.
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3rd May 1985

Tokyo Japan

"I will call you when we arrive in London..." Dom told me as we stood and said goodbye in our hotel suite. I pulled her in for a hug and she wrapped her arms around me. My feelings for Dom had grown since we had spent more time together and been involved with each other. She is an ideal companion who keeps things uncomplicated and knows exactly what we are together. No qualms about us being more than we are.

"You sure you'll be okay?" I questioned. Suddenly worried about two pregnant women traveling all that distance alone. Dom patted my chest with her hand.

"We will be fine!" she assured me. "We are stopping over in Los Angeles so we won't be traveling non-stop..." she reminded me. "Some friends of mine are arranging a car for us and we are staying with them overnight..." she advised. "I've left their name and number in case you need to reach us..." Dom stated as she gestured at the nightstand. A note with information was lying there.

"I am allowed to worry a bit...you know..." I pointed out cheekily. She chuckled at me and pulled away to grab her handbag and I picked up her carry on case. A bellhop had already collected her suitcases and taken them downstairs. I put my arm around her as we walked from the suite. We took the lift to the lobby and found Brian and Chrissie standing there waiting on us. A throng of fans was outside the front of the hotel keeping watch for us.

"You ready?" Dom asked Chrissie. She nodded and smiled and Brian leaned down and kissed her cheek as we all said our farewells. We walked Dom and Chrissie to the waiting limo and waved to them as they headed off to the Tokyo airport. We were advised it was a bad idea to go with them due to the fans. It felt strange to watch the girls climb into the car together and seem so friendly as Brian and I stood and watched them go. Carrying our children and carrying our cover for the world. There were several security guards around us along with Crystal as we walked over to say hello to the ardent fans who had camped out for the duration of our stay. We both signed some autographs and posed for some pictures. We headed back inside and Crystal joined us for the ride back up to our reserved floor of rooms and suites.

"Veronica arrived last night..." Crystal stated as we rode together. Brian and I smiled at the news. Glad to hear she had made it safely.

"I bet Deacy won't be around until its showtime..." I replied as Crystal and Brian knowingly smirked at the obvious point I was making. We had several days before our first Tokyo show and Deacy would probably disappear into Japan somewhere with his wife.

"What are you two up to until showtime?" Crystal asked us. "Your ladies are gone...so..." he said with clear implication. Brian and I shared a look of wishful thinking between us. Trying to imagine how we could contrive ways of meeting without the other crew members knowing. "If you need cover...let me know..." Crystal offered. The lift door opened and we stepped out to a security guard checking who was on board. We got out and walked to our suites together. Crystal had gone to the room being used as a lounge by the crew on the other side of the floor.

"Want to get something to eat?" Brian suggested. We could easily take a meal together in the hotel restaurant. That wasn't out of the ordinary. I smiled at his idea.

"Sounds lovely..." I replied. "I want to change shirts though..." I told him and he nodded understanding as we walked to my room. I opened the suite door and he lingered in the doorway of the bedroom as I went to my closet and found the shirt I wanted. I changed shirts and was tucking it in when the telephone rang. I walked over and grabbed it. Hoping there wasn't a problem at the airport.

"Hello..."

"You sound funny so far away from home..." the voice on the phone stated. The voice sounded distant as well but I knew instantly who it was. I smiled as I waved at Brian to come over. He stepped into the room and walked towards me.

"Hi sweetheart!" I told Tiger Lily. "What time is it there?" I asked her as I realized it had to be quite late.

"It's almost 5 in the morning..." she replied nonchalantly.

"What are you doing up at this hour?" I questioned as I tried to figure out if it was a school night.

"I woke up and couldn't sleep..." she answered. "I wanted to hear your voice and I found your phone number on the kitchen planner..." she explained. I couldn't be mad at her.

"Is everything okay?" I asked her as Brian came and sat next to me on the bed. Instantly looking concerned at my question.

"I'm alright...I just miss you..." she replied in a wistful voice. I felt bad that I was gone for several weeks. That Brian was gone too. Despite loving what we do, it is never easy to leave our families for any extended period of time.

"I miss you too Tigs..." I told her. "I've got something that might make you feel better..." I said as I gestured at Brian.

"What's that?" she asked with curiosity.

"Want to talk to your Daddy?" I asked her. I heard her gasp and smiled at Brian as I handed him the phone.

"Hi poppet!" he told her as he smiled widely and looked at me as he spoke in the phone. I could hear Tiger Lily's voice get loud and enjoyed seeing the brightness in Brian's eyes as he spoke to his daughter. I instantly wondered if Chrissie would have a boy or a girl. I knew Brian wouldn't care but I wondered how Tiger Lily would feel when she finds out Chrissie and Brian are having a baby like Dom and I are. We had not told her or Jimi about the babies yet. It was something we would do when we got home. We also wanted to wait until the first trimester was over.

I crossed my legs and sat and enjoyed the telephone conversation Brian had with our girl. I know they speak regularly as time permits by phone, but I was never privy to the calls and loved seeing how animated and happy he was speaking with her. I wasn't sure how much time passed before he was saying goodbye to her and handing me the phone.

"Do you have school today?" I asked Tigs when I resumed speaking with her.

"Yes...I need to get around before Mia comes knocking..." Tigs answered. I smiled at her comment.

"Well...off you go then..." I replied. "I love you baby girl...have a good day and I will try to call you tomorrow..." I advised her as I did the time difference configuration in my head. "I think I can manage a call around 5 pm your time...." I suggested.

"I will make sure to be by the phone..." she promised.

"Alright...love you!" I told her.

"Love you too Pops... bye..." she said and hung up. I cradled the phone and turned and smiled at Brian. Both of us feeling like it was old times again. Sitting alone in a hotel suite and sharing a call with our child. Without thinking any further, I leaned over and Brian leaned my way and we shared a kiss. Savoring this moment of normalcy. Brian pulled away suddenly and I watched him walk out of the bedroom. He went to the suite's main door and lock it. He began pulling off his shirt as I pulled my fresh shirt from my trousers and yanked it over my head. Brian was kicking his shoes off before he reached the bed. I toed off my loafers and then was forced back on the bed as Brian covered me with his body. Our mouths coming together and our bodies finding their familiar place as they locked and began moving together.

"I need you..." I told Brian as he rolled off me and then reached for my zipper to get me out of my trousers. I helped him rid me of my remaining clothes. I thought he would remove his but he shifted down and took hold of my cock and stroked me as he got me to spread my legs. He watched my face as he moved his hand in lazy strokes. I showed my appreciation with a smile and a moan. Brian then moved down and leaned over and took me in his mouth. It felt so fucking good. I grabbed at his head and felt my toes curl as he began blowing me as only he can. Knowing every inch of me and just how I like it. My eyes closed and I felt like my old self again. And it felt fucking amazing!

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Brian's POV

I stepped out of the bathroom and enjoyed the sight of my husband splayed out naked on his bed. I carried the warm wet cloth over and sat down as I handed it to him so he could clean himself up. When he finished he sat up and we shared a slow kiss.

"I'm famished!" Roger told me as I took the cloth back and walked it to the bathroom. Tossing it in the hamper inside.

"Want to just order some room service?" I suggested. Preferring to remain alone with my husband for the time being. He nodded as he reached down and pulled the bedclothes up over him. Obviously getting cold. I found the room service menu and returned to the bed. Sliding in next to him as he picked up the phone. He dialed a number as I looked at the food options.

"Cris...it's Rog..." I heard him say as he called Crystal. "If anyone is looking for me...I've laid down with a headache...I don't want to be disturbed..." he said as he listened to Crystal's response and grinned. "Thanks mate..." Roger said and hung up the phone. We both decided on some food and Roger called in our order.

"How long?" I asked as Roger shuffled closer to me and snuggled into my side.

"45 minutes..." he replied as he shifted closer and we shared a slow kiss. Savoring it.

"I wonder if anyone is looking for us? For me?" I asked Roger with concern. Wondering if we were taking too much of a chance doing this. Roger laid his head on my chest.

"Crystal was going to tell them I was down with a headache and you were on a call to Guild Guitars in America and not to disturb either of us..." Roger informed me. I smiled at how adept Crystal was at creating our cover.

"I don't think we pay Crystal enough..." I commented and Roger laughed a little.

"He would probably agree with you..." he replied. "We can give him a good Christmas bonus this year..." Roger suggested. I smiled at his proposal.

"Sounds like a plan..." I told him and closed my eyes to rest and relax. It was easy with Roger laying next to me. The feel of his warm body and his scent soothing me. We laid there in silence for a while. Enjoying the moment. Then Roger spoke.

"I guess we need to figure out when we are telling the kids about the babies..." Roger stated. He lifted up from my chest and looked at me. Our eyes met and I nodded agreement.

"I guess so..." I replied as Roger shuffled around so he could sit up in bed. Resting his back against the fabric headboard. I sat up as well to discuss the matter.

"It will be easier telling my Mum and Trevor..." Roger said as he tugged the duvet up over his chest. He was right.

"My Mum may be thrilled to have another grandchild but she isn't happy about the way it's being done..." I responded.

"Your father will have the most to say about it..." Roger said and sighed a bit at the prospect. "Are you excited about being a Dad again?" he asked me next. Tilting the topic to a happier place. I smiled at him.

"Yes..." I answered and then remembered I hadn't told him about that night in bed with Chrissie. "I was actually dreaming a few nights back about it..." I began. "I was in bed with you...holding you in my arms...holding your stomach...in my dream you were having our baby and when I half woke up from the dream I called your name..." I divulged. "Chrissie was awake..." I said and Roger grimaced hearing it.

"I bet she wasn't thrilled..." Roger remarked.

"I told her I was dreaming and I apologized..." I explained. "She just told me to go back to sleep and we haven't talked about it since..." I said. Roger reached over and squeezed my hand.

"She's got to understand that we're still together..." Roger pointed out. "Maybe that is why she didn't say much about it...she understands why it happened..." he suggested. I wasn't entirely sure but nodded at his words.

"Maybe..." I agreed. Roger picked up the remote to the television and switched it on. Immediately scanning the channels for something to watch. Most of the shows were in Japanese but he soon found some music program and left it there. We sat and tried to figure out what was going on and then the door buzzer to his suite sounded. Roger got up from bed and pulled on a dressing gown. I remained in bed as he closed the door and went to get our food. After several minutes the door opened and I laughed as Roger pushed the whole service cart into the bedroom. Right up to the side of the bed.

"Let's just have a picnic..." he proposed as he lifted the covers from the food and then crawled back into bed with me. I leaned over and found a bowl of fresh fruit and sat back against the headboard as I fed myself a piece and then fed Roger one. Both of us enjoying our little feast and our time alone.
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Deacy's POV

"I'm sorry you missed the festival..." I told Ronnie as we strolled by a park with a few trees still holding onto their blossoms. "You'd love the Sakura in full bloom..." I remarked as we passed the trees. The Cherry blossoms almost gone.

"You seem so comfortable here..." Ronnie said to me. Seeming impressed by the knowledge I have of Tokyo. I pointed over to the right.

"That is Tokyo Tower..." I said and she looked over and smiled.

"It reminds me of the Eiffel Tower..." she said and I nodded agreement.

"It was influenced by it..." I agreed. "Koh told me it was built in the 1950's..." I informed my wife. She had met Koh at the hotel earlier today. He was the Japanese photographer who had taken our pictures since our first time here. We had become quite friendly with him. "If you like...we can go see it...go up..." I suggested. Ronnie leaned into my side.

"Whatever you want to show me is fine..." she replied. I was glad she had made it here and we were going to have some time together. I was thrilled to share this beautiful country with her.

"We will leave tomorrow to see some other places...tonight I'm taking you to a special dinner..." I advised as we kept strolling down the walkway. A security detail right behind us. I wished we could have just seen the sights alone but too many fans recognized me here. I planned to ignore their presence as we took in the sights together over the the next few days. I wanted this to be as perfect as it could be. I wanted to make up for our less than ideal past few years.

We turned the corner and I planned to take Ronnie into a few nearby shops I liked. I had forgot about the large billboard that was promoting our visit to Tokyo. A massive group photo of us from The Works album session loomed over us as we walked down the sidewalk. Hand in hand. I noticed some younger people watching us from across the street. I know as English people, we tended to stand out. I hoped they didn't recognize me.

"I guess you never escape it..." Ronnie remarked to me as she looked up at the massive advertisement. I shrugged a bit.

"There is a shop down here I'd like to show you..." I said; wanting to disregard her words. As we approached the shop several young people crossed the street and came towards us. I realized they knew who I was. They respectfully stopped a few feet away and one of them called to me.

"John!" she said loudly but meekly. I turned and saw her and the others looking at me pleadingly. Wanting me to stop to acknowledge them. Wanting to talk to them. I wanted only to go with my wife into the shop and felt conflicted. I saw one of the security men step forward.

"Hello..." Ronnie suddenly said and the young girl's eyes went wide as Ronnie took a step towards the small group. Pulling me with her by my hand. "Do you speak English?" Ronnie asked the young girl. She seemed bewildered and then shook her head at us. Most of the fans here do not speak English. The security guard, Haruto, began speaking.

"She doesn't speak English..." he explained to my wife. Ronnie nodded understanding.

"Can you tell her I like her shoes?" Ronnie requested. Haruto smiled and turned to the girl. Speaking to her and telling her what my wife said. The girl blushed and smiled widely. She spoke back to Haruto. He turned to both of us to translate.

"She said she bought them at a shop near here..." Haruto stated. The girl began talking again before we could respond. Haruto turned to Ronnie. "She is asking if you are Mrs. Deacon..." Haruto advised. Ronnie smiled and nodded to the girl. I smiled too.

"Tell her I am Mrs. Deacon and so far I am enjoying this beautiful country..." Ronnie said sweetly. Haruto nodded and translated her words to the girl as her friends stood and watched and stared at us both. The girl smiled widely and then reached in her bag and held up a copy of a magazine. She opened it and then showed us a photograph of me with my two oldest sons, Robert and Michael. The girl found a pen and held it up to Ronnie along with the magazine. We both started laughing as we realized she wanted Ronnie's autograph.

"You don't have to..." I said with amusement. Ronnie stepped over and took the magazine and smirked at me as she grabbed the pen and signed across the bottom of the photo. Right near her boys. Ronnie winked at me as she finished.

"I figured I should..." she said back. "These two are some of my best work..." she pointed out as she referenced our two oldest children. I laughed at her remark and took the magazine from her as she offered me the pen. Both of us sharing a look of mirth as we made the most of our unusual situation. I found myself remembering why I loved her so much as she proceeded to resume her chat with the fans and I dutifully signed another autograph.

Chapter Text

6th June 1985

London

Roger's POV

"Things seem to be coming along..." the doctor told Dom and then looked over and smiled at me. I smiled at Dom; pleased the pregnancy was progressing well.

"Is my due date still the same?" Dom asked him as she adjusted her dress over her legs after the exam.

"Yes...you seem on track for the 22nd of October..." the doctor answered as he glanced at her chart. "Your weight is fine and I see you've managed to keep off the cigarettes...good...good.." he muttered as he made some notes about her exam. Dom had just finished her 20th week...half way through the pregnancy and things seemed good. It was a relief. She was glowing and feeling well. It wasn't hampering her work at all and she had developed some interesting food habits. Her belly growing by the day and not just with a baby.

"Are we finished?" I asked as I helped Dom scoot off the exam table. The doctor smiled and shook my hand.

"Yes...all is well Mr. Taylor..." he assured me. "I will see you next month..." he advised as Dom collected her bag and we left the office. As Dom stood at the counter making her next appointment, I felt the eyes of the office staff upon me. I looked around and smiled at the star struck women. Dom finished and I wrapped my arm around her as we walked out.

"I saw them looking at you..." Dom remarked as we walked to the lift. "They probably all want to have your baby..." she teased. I smirked as we stepped in the open lift.

"Then they'd have to put up with me...and I'm a handful..." I reminded her. Dom smiled as she pressed the button for the street level and the door closed.

"Just remember that's Brian's problem...not mine..." she pointed out and I laughed as we headed to the main floor.

"What's on the menu today?" I asked her as we walked to the car. It was lunchtime after all.

"I was thinking about a plate of spaghetti with some massive meatballs!" Dom answered. "And some garlic bread...I'm quite hungry..." she stated. I tugged her close and smiled.

"I know a place that will satisfy you..." I advised and looked forward to a meal at Lina's. The Italian place that Brian and I had frequented since our first days together. We got in my sedan and I drove the familiar path to the old neighborhood as I told Dom about coming to this place with Brian when we barely had money. I managed a parking spot and we walked to the low key restaurant. It was late in the lunch hour so I hoped they weren't too busy. I opened the door and was relieved to find it wasn't crowded.

"Welcome to Lina's...how many in your party?" the hostess asked us.

"Two please...a booth if you have one..." I requested. The young woman nodded and gestured for us to follow as she grabbed some menus. "Is Lina here today?" I asked as we walked. I wondered if she still worked in the restaurant. I had not been in the place for a few years.

"Sorry...she's not in..." the woman advised.

"Thanks..." I said; disappointed. We got seated and handed our menus. Dom ordered the spaghetti she craved and I opted for the Chicken Saltimbocca. The waiter left our table and Dom grabbed a breadstick from the cup on the table and began crunching away.

"Save some room for dessert..." I advised. "They have a really nice Tiramisu..." Dom smiled hearing it as she continued gnawing on her breadstick.

"Roger?" I heard a voice that seemed familiar. I looked over and saw Tim Staffell. I hadn't seen him in ages.

"Tim!" I cried in surprise as I stood up. He came forward and we shared a hug. Both of us laughing a little at this unexpected reunion. "How are you mate?" I asked as we parted. Tim smiled at me; his face still the same but he was certainly not a man in his early twenties any longer. Neither of us are.

"I'm good..." Tim told me.

"You still doing music?" I questioned. Tim shook his head.

"No...I've focused on commercial art....been doing a lot of work on models and sculpting...I've actually just finished some work on a children's television program..." he explained. I was glad to hear he had made use of his art degree.

"Would I know the show?" I asked him.

"It's the Thomas The Tank Engine series..." Tim advised. I had heard of it.

"I've heard of it but never seen it...I'm afraid my daughter is a bit old to watch it..." I explained. Jimi had never mentioned the show to me. Tim nodded understanding. I then remembered I have another on the way. I nudged his side. "Keep it to yourself...but I've got another child on the way...they can watch it..." I stated quietly. Tim's eyes went wide and he smiled.

"Congratulations!" he said and glanced over at Dom. I gestured at her.

"This is Dominique Beyrand..." I told him. "Dom...this is Tim Staffell...he was the bassist in Brian and I's first group together..." I explained to her. Dom smiled widely.

"It's a pleasure to meet you..." Tim said as Dom wiped her hands and giggled as she stuck one out to shake hands.

"Sorry...I've been stuffing my face..." Dom remarked with amusement.

"Congratulations on the baby..." Tim told her and Dom nodded.

"Thank you..." she replied. "Do you have any children?" she asked him. Tim smiled.

"I do...two boys..." Tim informed us.

"That's great!" I told Tim. Happy to hear he had a family.

"Brian's got a kid too...right?" Tim asked. I felt a knot in my stomach as I went to respond.

"He does...a son..." I answered and noted Dom giving me a reassuring expression. Knowing it was hard for me to pretend Jimi had nothing to do with me. "He's my nephew actually..." I added; wanting some kind of credit for him. Tim nodded understanding.

"That's right...I remember hearing Brian was dating your sister...Clare..." Tim remembered her name. I nodded.

"Yes...they were together for quite a while...but they ended things last year..." I informed him. Trying to keep pace with the public story about Brian and Clare.

"That's too bad..." Tim remarked. "I saw Brian a few years back around Christmastime...I was working in a music shop and he came in to pick a guitar he ordered..." Tim recalled.

"I remember him saying he saw you..." I responded. "That guitar was a present for me..." I reminded him. Tim's face registered recognition.

"That's right!" Tim said and laughed. "It's amazing how you two have stuck together all these years..." he commented. "The best of friends...eh?" he said. I felt my gut twist as I simply nodded and smiled. Hoping the pain I was feeling wasn't showing.

"Yes...the best..." I agreed. The waiter arrived with our drinks and food.

"I'll let you two get to your lunch..." Tim stated as the waiter placed our items on the table.

"Alright..." I replied. "It was lovely to see you..." I said and Tim nodded agreement.

"Yes..." he replied. He pulled out his wallet and handed me a business card. "We should stay in touch you know..." he said offhandedly. I took the card.

"We should..." I agreed. We shook hands and shared a warm smile. "I'll give you a call..." I said and Tim nodded as he said goodbye to Dom.

"Say hello to Brian and Freddie for me..." Tim requested.

"I will..." I promised. Tim walked away and I took my seat in the booth. I slid closer around to Dom and she gave me a sympathetic look.

"He seems nice..." she remarked. I nodded as I took a drink.

"He is..." I agreed and then felt a bit sad about the fact Brian and I still lie to him. "We've never told him about us..." I stated and Dom nodded.

"I had a feeling..." she remarked as she poured her dressing on her salad. The waiter appeared to see how our salads were. I needed a drink.

"Can I get a whisky please? Neat..." I requested. The waiter disappeared as I played with a breadstick and thought about the days when Brian and Tim and I were in Smile.

"Tell me about those days..." Dom requested. "Tell me about meeting Brian and Smile..." I smiled remembering and poured my dressing over my salad as I began to regale her with the tale of how we met.

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After we finished our lunch we did some window shopping for baby things and then drove to my home. We were going to talk to Tiger Lily about the baby and what was to come in the near future. Mia soon pulled into the drive with my daughter in tow and Dom and I shared a smile as they came into the living room. Mia remained leaning in the doorway to watch. We had already told her the news.

"Hiya Pops!" Tigs declared as she bounced in the room. She noted Dom was with me and smiled at her.

"Hey baby girl..." I replied and we shared a quick hug and kiss. "Have a seat...I want to talk to you about something..." I said as she set her school bag down and looked at me with curiosity.

"What is it?" she asked and eyed Dom again. I figured she might already know.

"Remember earlier this year when we talked about Dom having a baby?" I asked her. Tigs nodded and then formed a small smile.

"Is Dom pregnant?" she instantly questioned. Dom place her hands on her stomach and Tiger Lily's eyes grew wide as she leapt from her chair and bounded over to Dom. She knelt down in front of her and gazed at her with wonder. "You are then?" she asked again and Dom nodded and smiled.

"Yes...I am..." Dom confirmed. Tiger Lily wore the widest smile as she turned to look at me.

"I'm going to be a sister again?" she asked and I nodded.

"Yes..." I confirmed. Tigs returned her gaze to Dom's belly and she held her hand up.

"Can I feel it?" she asked with her smile still plastered on her face.

"You can...but there isn't much to feel yet..." Dom informed her. Dom had been feeling stuff internally but I hadn't felt anything externally yet. Tigs gently placed her hand where Dom had just had hers. Dom and I shared a look of amusement as my daughter checked out her small swell of a baby belly.

"When are you having it?" Tigs asked next.

"The baby is due October 22nd..." I answered. Tiger Lily removed her hand from Dom's belly and stood up.

"That's over 4 months from now!" Tigs groaned and appeared put out by how long she had to wait.

"They do take a while to form..." I responded.

"It will go by faster than you think..." Mia pointed out.

"She's right..." I agreed and gave Mia a grateful nod. "You get to enjoy the summer and then when you get settled back in school it will be time for the baby..." I explained.

"Are you having a boy or a girl?" Tigs asked us next.

"We don't know..." Dom advised. She had found out during a conversation with Chrissie that ultrasounds were being used now to try and determine the sex of a baby but she didn't know a practice that offered it to someone for that purpose yet. She was checking further on it but I didn't care that much.

"It will be a surprise for us all..." I told my daughter. "Just like when you were born and Jimi was born..." Tiger Lily seemed disappointed to hear it.

"I hope it's a girl..." she remarked. "I'd love to have a baby sister..." she told us. Dom and I shared an amused look between us.

"We will just have to see..." Dom replied. Tiger Lily processed the information and then seemed curious about something else.

"Dom lives in London..." Tigs stated as she looked at us both. "Is the baby going to live in London with her?" she questioned. My astute daughter had already started thinking about the semantics of it all. It was time to tell her our plan.

"What do you think about Dom coming to live here with us?" I proposed. Tiger Lily instantly appeared uncertain.

"Does Daddy know about the baby?" she asked me. I nodded and knew she was concerned about how this affected Brian and Jimi.

"Yes...Daddy knows all about it..." I answered. "He is going to tell Jimi pretty soon so please don't mention it to him until he says something...alright?" I requested.

"And Daddy is okay with Dom living here?" Tiger Lily asked as she side eyed Dom. I know my daughter really likes Dom but I know she feels a conflict of loyalty. I get it.

"Your Daddy wants what is best for us all...including the baby..." I told her. "He is fine with Dom coming to live here..." I assured her as I walked over and took her hand. "When Dom has the baby she will take some time off work but she plans to return to it after a while..." I explained. "Mia is going to take care of the baby when she's at work..." I advised. Tigs seemed to understand and nodded.

"Okay..." she said and looked over at Dom and smiled at her. "Are you going to live in Papa's room or have your own?" she pointedly ask. I hadn't figured she would ask this but my daughter is full of surprises.

"I will have my own room..." Dom responded and eyed me as she answered. We had talked of sharing a bedroom but since Tiger Lily was asking us directly, I could see Dom wanted to take it slow with cohabiting a bed. I nodded agreement as my daughter seem to relax at the news.

"There is something else I need to tell you..." I announced as Dom got up from her chair and she walked towards Mia. I waited a moment for them to leave the room. Tiger Lily watched them go and looked at me with unease.

"Am I in trouble?" she asked me. I shook my head. I wanted us to be alone for this news. I took a seat next to her on the sofa and kept hold of her hand.

"No..." I assured her. "It's about Daddy..." I advised and I saw concern fill her eyes.

"Is he okay?" she asked with worry in her voice. I smiled at her.

"He's okay sweetheart..." I said. "It's just that I need you to know that your Daddy is going to have a baby too..." I revealed. Tiger Lily appeared confused.

"But Daddy can't have babies!" she disputed. I realized she misunderstood and I laughed a bit at her interpretation.

"No...Daddy himself isn't having a baby..." I corrected as I huffed amusingly at the notion. "He is having a baby with his friend Chrissie...like I'm having one with Dom..." I clarified. Tiger Lily was quiet for a moment. She looked in my eyes; a touch of fear in them.

"Are you and Daddy breaking up?" she asked me bluntly. I quickly shook my head.

"No! Absolutely not!" I replied with conviction. "We have talked about this arrangement and worked out the details and we are both okay with it..." I assured her. "If it wasn't for my Father...Daddy would be sitting right here next to me explaining all this to you..." I advised her. This seemed to appease her and her expression softened.

"A lot sure has changed since your Father showed up!" she declared. I felt bad that she has had to deal with all this. I pulled her in for a hug and pressed a kiss to her head.

"Yes it has..." I agreed as I held her and she slipped her arms around me.

-------------------------------------------
*****************************
Brian's POV

"This lasagna is delicious..." I remarked as I sat at the dining table with Chrissie and my son. I was trying to ignore the fact I needed to tell my son about the baby and about Roger and Dom having one as well. Roger was telling Tiger Lily tonight and it was best they both find out at the same time.

"It's good..." Jimi agreed as he took another bite. Chrissie smiled at our compliments.

"Thanks..." she replied. She looked up at me expectantly and I nodded to her. Knowing I had to tell him. I cleared my throat as it felt thick at the idea.

"After dinner, I need to talk to you about something..." I finally announced as we got close to finishing. Jimi nodded as he took the last few bites. We finished up and I helped carry the dishes to the sink for Chrissie. Jimi went to the bathroom as I rinsed the dishes.

"It will be okay..." Chrissie assured me as I handed her the dishes for the dishwasher. I felt my stomach churn and wondered if eating before talking was a bad idea.

"I'm done..." Jimi advised as he appeared in the doorway. I found a towel to dry my hands and walked towards him.

"Let's go in the living room..." I suggested. Jimi turned and we walked to the living room. I wanted to talk to him first and then have Chrissie join us once it seemed like he accepted the news. We both got seated on the sofa and I tried to find a calm expression before I spoke.

"What is it?" Jimi asked; clearly seeing I was hesitating.

"I wanted to tell you that Chrissie and I decided to have a baby..." I blurted out. His eyes went wide and I waited to see what he would say.

"Did you and Papa break up?" he asked me as he looked me in the eyes. I instantly shook my head.

"No!" I replied firmly. "We've not broken up..." I confirmed. "Since we're not able to be together right now and Chrissie has been a really good friend....we talked about it and decided to have a baby so Chrissie can be a Mum..." I explained. Jimi sat silent and seemed to be processing the information. I watched his expression to see his response. His face formed a look of curiosity.

"Will that baby be my brother or sister?" he asked next. I nodded and smiled at him.

"Yes...you will both have the same father..." I answered. Jimi seemed happy to hear it.

"Since I can't have my Mum around anymore...can Chrissie be my Mum?" he questioned. This took me by surprise. I wasn't sure how to answer as I didn't know how Clare might feel about this and how Chrissie might feel being asked.

"I'd need to ask Chrissie if she wants to..." I replied. "And also your real Mum..." I added. Jimi nodded and seemed a touch disappointed not to get a yes right now.

"Okay..." he said in a subdued voice. "When do you plan to have a baby?" he then asked.

"Actually...the baby is already on the way..." I answered; not planning to lie about it. "It will be here in October..." Jimi's face shifted to excitement, which pleased me.

"So the baby will be here before Christmas?" he questioned. I nodded and smiled at him.

"Yes..." I advised. Jimi shot up from the sofa and headed out of the room. "Wait!" I said as I got up to follow him. He dashed to the kitchen and I caught up to find him throwing his arms around Chrissie as she stood at the counter. She was a bit surprised by it but placed her arms around him and held him close. Her facing registering contentment at his obvious acceptance of our news.

"I guess he took the news well then?" she asked me as Jimi kept hold of her. I smiled at her.

"It would seem so..." I replied. Jimi turned his head to look up at her. I realized he had grown again and only needed a few more inches to be just as tall as Chrissie.

"Can I see?" Jimi asked Chrissie. She nodded and smiled broadly as he loosened his hold on her and stepped back. Chrissie took the hand he offered her and lifted up her shirt to place it on her small bump. Jimi's face lit up with excitement. She was feeling the baby internally but I had not managed to catch a moment when I could feel it.

"Oh my goodness!" Chrissie suddenly exclaimed and Jimi made a sound of surprise.

"I felt it! I felt it!" He shouted and I went over to see as Jimi focused on her tummy and was in awe as he kept his hand in place.

"The baby did move..." Chrissie confirmed and she seemed thrilled Jimi had felt it. She reached out for my hand and I let her take it. "Let your father feel it..." Chrissie asked Jimi. He reluctantly removed his hand as she placed mine in the spot his has been. I felt a rush of excitement as we stood and waited.

"Did you feel it?" Jimi asked in a hyper voice. I shook my head and tried to focus. Suddenly there was that familiar feeling beneath my hand. I was instantly taken back to when Clare was pregnant with Jimi and a smile erupted on my face.

"I felt it!" I confirmed and Jimi bounced next to me. I took my hand away and Jimi put his back as he gazed in wonder at her tummy. Chrissie and I shared a look of mutual satisfaction at his acceptance of the situation. I hoped that when I told him about Roger and Dom, he would feel the same.

---------------------------------------

"I've got something else I need to tell you..." I advised Jimi as he got settled in bed.

"What?" he asked as he pulled the blanket up over him. I sat down once he was tucked in.

"I need to tell you that Papa and his friend Dom are also having a baby..." I quickly stated. Not seeing a point in a long winded speech. Jimi appeared surprised for a moment and his face resumed a calm demeanor.

"Tigs has mentioned that she thought they would..." Jimi commented.

"Their baby is also due in October..." I advised him. Jimi looked at me intently.

"Is Chrissie going to live here when she has the baby?" he asked.

"Yes..." I confirmed. "Is that okay with you?" I questioned. He nodded.

"Yes...I'd want the baby here so I can see it...and I want Chrissie here too..." he told me. "When you go out of town again...can I just stay with her?" he asked me. It seemed like a natural progression in light of all the news he had received and accepted. I trusted Chrissie with my son so if she was fine with it; so was I.

"If Chrissie is okay with it....yes..." I agreed. Jimi formed a pleased smile and I leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I'm glad you like her..." I remarked as I sat back up.

"She's nice..." Jimi said. "I like it when she takes care of me..." he remarked. I understood it because I liked it when she took care of me too.

"She is nice...but remember as she gets bigger with the baby...she might need your help with some things..." I informed him.

"I know..." Jimi nodded understanding and then yawned. Fighting his fatigue.

"I love you Jimi...." I said and he smiled at me.

"Love you too..." he replied.

"Good night..." I said as I leaned over and switched off his lamp. Jimi snuggled under his blanket as I got up and headed for the door. His small nightlight guiding my way. I went downstairs and found Chrissie half asleep on the sofa as the television played. Her hands were resting on her stomach and her feet were up. She looked pretty and peaceful. I gently tapped her arm. "Hey...why don't you sleep here tonight?" I proposed as she opened her eyes. She nodded and I helped her up.

We went upstairs and she changed into a gown she now kept in my top drawer. After using the bathroom to get ready, she joined me in bed. I felt like things were going to be alright as we got settled in to go to sleep. It was early but she was tired and I thought it would be nice to sit with her as she fell asleep. I knew I'd probably wake up later and be up for hours but for now I would be there for her.

"Things went well tonight..." Chrissie commented as she adjusted the pillows to her liking.

"They did..." I agreed. "Jimi asked me if you could be his Mum since his Mum can't be in his life right now..." I told her. An expression of happiness filled her face.

"That is so sweet..." she remarked as she looked at me. "I'd be honored..." she stated and laid her head down. "I'm really sleepy..." she remarked as she kept her smile and closed her eyes. I leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead and then got comfortable on my own pillow.

"Good night..." I told her quietly but she didn't answer. She was out. I laid and watched her for a while. Feeling good about things. And that seemed like a good thing. We were good and things were comfortable between us all. It wasn't ideal but it could be so much worse. I closed my eyes and felt a sense of peace for the first time in a while.

------------------------------------------------

I woke the next day to find Chrissie absent from the bed. I got up and could smell breakfast cooking and knew she was up fixing a meal. I checked the clock and found that Jimi should already be up and dressed for school. I went to his room and found his bed empty.

As I went down the stairs I heard them talking and found him seated and eating breakfast; neatly dressed for school as Chrissie sat next to him drinking a cup of tea.

"Hey! Look at this!" Jimi said as he gestured at a catalog on the table. I walked over and saw they had a baby catalog open between them. He pointed to a crib that was round instead of square. "Can we get a round one?" he asked me. I laughed at his quick enthusiasm for the baby and all that came with it.

"That's up to Chrissie..." I informed him as she stood up.

"Want some breakfast?" she asked me.

"I can get it..." I assured her. She waved her hand dismissively at me.

"It's no trouble..." she said as she walked to the refrigerator and pulled out two small dishes. She set them down in front of me and I saw one was cut up berries and the other was yogurt. "I had some myself when I got up..." she told me as she walked to the toaster. "You want any eggs?" she asked me next.

"This is good..." I answered as she made me some toast. I looked over at Jimi as he flipped through the catalog. He looked over at me and smiled.

"I can't wait to tell my friends..." Jimi said as he took the last bite of his toast. I loved how open he was to this and smiled back.

"I'm glad you're excited..." I told him as Chrissie brought me some tea. The telephone rang and I got up to answer it.

"Hello..."

"Hi Brian! It's Eddie!" I smiled instantly hearing my friend's voice. I hadn't spoke with Eddie Van Halen in several months.

"Hi Eddie!" I replied.

"I hope I got the time right...what time is it there?" he questioned. I grinned at his concern about the time difference.

"You're good...it's 7:15 am..." I advised.

"Oh good..." he commented. "I wanted to reach you because I got invited to the NAMM convention and was asking a few people if they wanted to go as well..." he explained. It sounded like fun. The National Association of Music Merchants had a convention every year to showcase the newest equipment and lots of musicians went to check things out and provide clinics for their fellow players.

"When is it?" I asked him. I knew it was possible we were playing that charity gig in July and couldn't commit to something during that time.

"It's June 22-25th...." Eddie advised. "I know it's short notice but I think you'd really enjoy it...are you free?" he questioned. I really wanted to go but felt conflicted about not being home. I had just returned from a tour and had only had a few weeks with Jimi.

"Let me see and I will call you back..." I told him. "Where's the convention at this year?" I questioned.

"That's the best part!" Eddie replied. "It's in New Orleans!" he stated. The appeal of going grew immensely. I turned and noted Jimi happily looking at the catalog on the table as Chrissie buttered my toast. She walked over and set it down and I watched her and Jimi shared a tender smile as she took her seat and leaned closer as he showed her something in the catalog.

"I will call you back today...talk to you then..." I advised him and hung up the phone. I returned to my seat and picked up a piece of toast to put some jam on it. "Let me eat and I will drive you to school..." I said to Jimi.

"I was hoping Chrissie could take me..." Jimi replied. I noted Chrissie appearing pleased to hear it. I realized things with these two were going to slide right into place. I knew Chrissie wouldn't mind taking him to school and she wouldn't mind caring for him while I went out of town.

"That's fine..." I said and began thinking about what was to come in New Orleans.

------------------------------------------------

********************
Freddie's POV

"Where are we?" I asked as I sat on the phone at my desk at home. Waiting to know my album's new chart position in the coming week's announcement.

"You'll be at 33..." Paul told me on the phone.

"Shit!" I said with disappointment as I tapped my cigarette on the ashtray and took a drag. Needing it badly right now. I had been at 19 last week and hoped to make an improvement. But now I had slipped down the charts instead of moving up.

"Maybe with the next single release on the 1st of July you will bounce back..." Paul said encouragingly. I appreciated his optimism.

"Maybe..." I replied and we were both silent for a minute.

"We can do some more interviews...you could appear on a tv show...do a performance even..." Paul suggested. I wasn't interested.

"I'm not miming my fucking single on Top of The Pops!" I responded sharply. "And I've done more interviews in the past month than I've done in ages!" I reminded him as I smashed my cigarette in the glass ashtray. Feeling frustrated.

"Then I guess you won't be seeing an improvement until your next single is out..." Paul pointed out in a short tone. I was now annoyed at his change in attitude. He kept asking me to do things he knew I wasn't going to do to promote the record. I felt my name alone would carry it.

"I guess not..." I said back with irritation.

"Don't get pissy with me Freddie....I'm doing my bloody job!" Paul barked at me. "If you won't do yours...there isn't much else I can do about your sales..." he reminded me.

"If you were any good at your job I'd be in the top 10 and we'd already know who the fucking mole in our crew is!" I snapped back. We had both grown weary of each other in recent weeks and this news was the final straw. I took a cheap shot when I found my chance since he took one at me. We were both silent and stewing for several minutes.

"I wanted to let you know that I am having a holiday..." Paul announced in a calmer voice. "There is a family wedding and I haven't seen my family in quite a while..." he advised.

"I'm sure you will enjoy getting away for a few weeks..." I told him in a nicer tone. Actually glad to know we wouldn't see each other for a bit. We needed the break from each other. "When do you leave?" I asked him.

"I was going up around the 10th of July..." he advised me. I was annoyed he wouldn't be here to gauge my chart progression with the next single but knew there were several other people who could do this for me.

"Alright..." I responded. "Anything else?" I asked as I hoped to end the tense call.

"Not right now..." he answered. "If there is...I will call..." he advised and we both hung up. I leaned back in my chair and felt like things between us had soured somewhat. I needed a distraction and pondered making a phone call. I opened my black book and went straight to the H's. I checked the time and knew which phone number to call.

"Savoy Hotel....how may I direct your call?"

"Barbershop please..." I advised. I waited for my call to be transferred and felt a flutter in my stomach as the line connected and someone answered.

"Barbershop...Jim speaking..." I heard the lovely familiar lilt of Jim's voice and instantly smiled.

"It's Freddie darling....are you free tonight?"

Chapter Text

18th June 1985

London

Freddie's POV

"Telephone...it's Barbara..." Phoebe advised as he poked his head into my bedroom.

"Tell her I'm out or indisposed..." I quickly replied. Phoebe smiled and nodded.

"Alright..." he said amiably and closed my door. I returned my attention to my guest. I gave him a warm smile and leaned in for a kiss.

"You were telling me about the garden at your place..." I reminded him. Jim nodded as he shifted around on the bed to get more comfortable.

"It's the back garden my landlady has...but she lets me plant things and tend it..." Jim informed me. I imagined him down on his knees tending the flower beds and liked the imagery. A gentle hobby.

"I bet you'd love to have a garden of your own..." I commented. Considering how he might like the garden at my new home.

"It would be nice...yes..." he agreed. An idea occurred to me but it felt a touch premature.

"My new house is almost finished and it has a walled in garden..." I told him. His face appeared intrigued. I liked this.

"Are you having someone come in to landscape it?" he questioned.

"Something basic...but I'd love for you to have a look and see what you think..." I replied.

"I'd love to see it..." he said and I smiled at him. Liking the notion of him being domestic.

"The builders are almost finished...I will show it to you when they're done..." I promised. Jim smiled at me.

"I can't wait..." he said and leaned in for a kiss. "Sorry Freddie...I've got to go..." he announced. I hated when he had to leave. Jim lived all the way out in Sutton and had a long train ride home. He refused to let me have my driver take him back. I admired his independence and not ever taking advantage.

"Work tomorrow?" I asked him. Jim nodded as he slid off the bed and found his jeans.

"Five days a week and then every other Saturday morning..." he reminded me. I couldn't imagine it and sighed a little as he got dressed. Tiffany jumped on the bed and she walked over and nuzzled into me. Jim leaned down and stroked Tiff on her back and under her chin. She purred heavily at his affection. My affection for him growing as I saw how much he loved my cats.

"She's quite taken with you..." I remarked and Jim smiled.

"She's lovely..." he said and then leaned lower and kissed me. "You're lovely too..." he said and I smiled as he stood back up. Finding him such a romantic and loving it. I got my dressing gown and slipped it on and followed Jim from my room. We walked upstairs to the door and found Joe and Phoebe watching television.

"Bye..." Jim told them politely as he reached the door. My friends smiled at him as he leaned in for a final kiss. "I'll see you soon then..." Jim remarked and I nodded and smiled as he slipped out the door.

"Bye..." I said and closed the door after seeing him go down the steps. I turned and leaned against the door.

"He's a nice chap..." Phoebe remarked.

"He is..." I agreed. Joe got up from the sofa and looked at me.

"Cup of tea?" he asked me. I nodded.

"Yes....please..." I replied. He walked to the kitchen and I went over and plopped down next to Phoebe. Pulling my robe around me.

"What are you going to do about Winnie?" Phoebe asked me as he kept watch on his television program. I looked down at my finger nails and pushed on a cuticle. I knew I had to do something. I will still working in Munich and found having a man there was convenient.

"I'll do something..." I mumbled as Phoebe kept looking at the tv. The telephone rang and Joe answered it in the kitchen. He came in carrying my cup.

"It's Roger..." he advised. I stood up and took my cup from him and walked to the kitchen as Joe resumed his spot on the sofa. This call I would take. I picked up the phone and grinned.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" I questioned playfully.

"Just wondering if her majesty had decided about that charity gig?" Roger replied. I knew it was time to make a decision. Queen had nothing on at the moment and were free to do it. My solo album had not performed as I had hoped. I had seen the music papers and knew all the biggest acts had signed up for the show. We needed to do our part.

"Tell Bob we'll do it..." I answered and heard Roger make a sound of relief.

"Good!" he responded. "I'll call and request they organize us a place to rehearse..." he advised me. "This is different you know..." he pointed out. "Bob says everyone gets 20 minutes to perform...and that's it!" he emphasized. I knew we would have to choose the songs we would do and then figure out how to put them together and keep to our assigned time.

"Alright dear...let me know the details..." I requested. "Can we request a specific time slot?" I questioned. "I think we deserve the option to choose..." I stated.

"If you have a preference we can have Jim call and negotiate with Bob and his team..." Roger advised.

"If we can't end the show we should at least figure out a slot that gives us maximum impact!" I pointed out.

"True..." Roger answered. "Just remember you're competing with some other big names who probably want the same thing..." he reminded me.

"We're the biggest act on the bill..." I boasted. My pride on display.

"You don't have to tell me that..." Roger agreed. I enjoyed his placation.

"Let me know if I need to call Bob myself..." I said and Roger chuckled.

"Alright..." he answered. "Are you spending some time in London or going back to Munich?" Roger questioned. I smiled at the reminder of why I was probably home for a few weeks.

"I will probably be here..." I replied. "They're finishing up work on Garden Lodge..." I said as my main reason.

"Nice!" Roger commented. "I can't wait to see it..." he said and I smiled proudly.

"I can't wait to show you...and have a lovely house warming party..." I told him.

"I guess you'll invite all of Queen to it?" he asked me. I knew he was looking for it possibly being a night he and Brian could be in the same place.

"Naturally..." I assured him.

"Good..." Roger responded and I smiled at the idea of them finding another chance together. "I've got to go...Bob is waiting for my call..." he advised.

"Alright dear...let me know what you find out..." I requested. A made a kissing sound in the phone and Roger made one back as we hung up. I picked up my tea and sipped it. I realized that I could ask Jim to attend the show with me and found it exciting to use that as the moment to introduce him as my new man.

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22nd June 1985

New Orleans

Brian's POV

"Thank you..." I told the bellhop and handed him a ten dollar bill. He smiled and nodded and left my room as he closed the door behind him. I let out a sigh and opened my suitcase up. Wanting a shower after my long journey to get here. I stripped off my clothes and grabbed my toiletry bag and went into the bathroom. It had a wonderful oversized bathtub so I opted for a hot bath. I got the water running and to the right temperature. I slipped in and savored the feel of the hot water enveloping my tired body. It had been a long flight and this felt really good.

As I sat in the tub my mind wandered to memories of previous trips to this city. All of them had been with Roger and Queen. It felt odd to be here without them. Especially Roger. I smiled as I recalled the party we had for the launch of our album Jazz. It had been a raucous night. One filled with loads of booze, strippers, prostitutes of both genders, Bourbon street performers and our record producer had flown in just for the party.

I took a clean flannel from the rack and got it wet with the hot steamy water and laid it over my face. It felt good on my dry tired eyes. I kept my smile as I remembered how much fun Roger and I had after we made it to our hotel suite in the early morning hours. Drunk and entirely disorderly with each other. We had kissed and pawed at each other in the elevator; not caring who might catch us and stumbling down the hallway to our suite. We barely made it inside before we both stripped our clothes and went at each other.

The memory made me feel aroused and I shifted a little in the deep tub. My hand running over my chest. The recollection of Roger bending me over the sofa and fucking me from behind made my cock twitch and my smile widen. It was such a less complicated time then. I missed those golden days of just being together and having adventures and still being in love with each other after so long. The rush I always got from Roger taking charge and us being so passionate together.

It unfortunately reminded me there was no real passion with Chrissie. Sex with her was fairly lackluster and I hated admitting that she was a bit of bore in bed. We had continued having intercourse but she wasn't keen on oral sex and with her growing belly, she was growing more reserved about the whole thing. It sometimes left me feeling like this was a mistake but I always remembered she delivered on everything else. She was fantastic with Jimi and was a great homemaker. Meals cooked from scratch and the house so organized and clean. I felt I couldn't complain. I let my hand slide from my chest down past my waist. I also let my mind drift from thoughts of her to ones of of my husband. Of the naughty times we had in this city. With Peaches all those years ago and the passionate encounters on subsequent visits. My hand found my cock and gripped it loosely.

I kept the flannel on my face so my eyes remained closed. I started stroking myself as I imagined Roger here with me. Sitting across from me in the bath and exchanging innuendos that drifted into outright filth as we flirted with each other. Quickly shifting to foreplay and beyond.

I increased my strokes and felt a surge of arousal pour through me as I only saw that beautiful soft face and those inviting blue eyes. I could hear the sounds I was making in the water as I increased my speed and used my other hand to clench the side of the bathtub. My legs spread and pressed into the walls.

"Rog...." I said out loud as I felt the beginning of my climax approach. I put all my focus on my little fantasy and gasped out loud as I planted my feet on the floor of the tub and felt myself release over my hand and into the water. The rush and release was exquisite as I turned my head and let the flannel fall away. Getting a better breath as I fell into a sated place. One where Roger and I were still together and things we right with the world.
------------------------

23rd June 1985

I woke to the sound of the telephone ringing. I rolled over and answered it. Feeling a bit out of sorts.

"Hello..." I mumbled tiredly.

"Hey babe...were you asleep?" It was Roger. Despite being half asleep I was glad to hear his voice.

"I was...but I'm good..." I said as I shifted around to get more comfortable.

"You enjoying yourself yet?" Roger questioned.

"I'm not sure I know how to have fun here without you..." I answered. Roger made a scoffing sound.

"I think Eddie Van Halen can show you a good time..." Roger reminded me. I smiled at his assuredness.

"Probably..." I replied.

"How is the convention going?" he questioned.

"Good...I gave a clinic yesterday and went on a river cruise with some of the other musicians last night..." I told him.

"Did you get drunk?" Roger asked next. I felt like that was a stupid question.

"It's New Orleans Rog...what do you think?" I said back sarcastically. He chuckled in the phone.

"And a bit hungover I see from your dour mood..." he commented.

"Did you call for a reason or just to berate me about my hangover?" I asked with annoyance. He chuckled again.

"I did actually..." he replied. "I wanted to tell you that we are on for Live Aid and we have rehearsals set up starting on the 10th..." he informed me. I was glad to hear we had a final decision to do this from Freddie. I was curious if we had managed to get a good time slot.

"What time are we on?" I questioned as I sat up in bed and fumbled for a note pad.

"Jim got us 6 o'clock..." Roger confirmed. It wasn't the closing spot but it was better than some invisible slot in the afternoon.

"Good..." I replied as I wrote down the rehearsal date and time slot so I wouldn't forget.

"You talked to Chrissie since you've been gone?" Roger questioned.

"I talked to her yesterday..." I answered. "She's doing fine and so is Jimi..." I told him. 'How is Dom?" I asked.

"She's good...it's business as usual for her..." Roger remarked. "I guess we will get Live Aid out of the way and have to figure out the band's schedule around their due dates in October..." he pointed out.

"Yes..." I agreed. "I know Chrissie won't want me away close to the due date..." I said as I recalled our discussion about it.

"How are things with you two?" Roger asked me next. I considered lying to him as I didn't want to dwell on it. But we were being honest with each other these days. He is still my best friend.

"Overall...good..." I responded.

"But there is something the matter..." Roger instantly replied. He knew me so well.

"She's not at all like you in bed..." I confessed before I could change my mind.

"No one is like me in bed Brian..." Roger pointed out. It felt like a brag but I knew he really meant everyone is different. Unique.

"What I mean is...she's pretty reserved..." I clarified. Not wanting to be too graphic. This conversation felt odd to me. Uncomfortable.

"You mean she's boring in bed?" he questioned. "A bad fuck?" he stated bluntly. I sighed hearing his words.

"Your words...not mine..." I responded.

"You can tell me of all people Brian!" Roger declared. "You can tell me if she won't go down on you or let you go down on her..." he said in his pointed manner. "Does she just lay there?" he asked me. I hated criticizing her this way.

"She's pregnant Rog...she's not feeling amorous right now..." I defended. He made a scoffing sound in the phone.

"And before you got her pregnant....was she up for it then?" he asked me.

"She's a wonderful companion...she's wonderful with Jimi and she cooks and takes care of the house and me..." I added to my defense.

"She's not taking care of you if she's not putting out..." Roger pointed out.

"Everything is not about sex Roger!" I said in a raised voice as I grew irritated with the conversation. "Everything is not about me either!" I added.

"So you're in New Orleans feeling lonely and neglected..." Roger then stated. "That's a precarious situation...especially hanging out with that lot..." he said. Reminding me I am keeping company with a man he knows isn't faithful to his wife and other musicians who live the code of the road and often cheat.

I hated that he was right. The night before I had been approached more than once by admirers and found myself with a petite blond in my lap late in the evening as we had drinks in the hotel bar. Eddie next to me with a girl of his own. It was fairly innocent fun until it was time to go upstairs. I made my excuses and thanked the young lady for her company and headed off to my room. I was certain Eddie had taken his company back to his room with him.

"I came back to my room alone last night..." I assured my husband.

"And tonight? And when you're back home and you're lonely and horny?" he questioned. "What then?" he asked me.

"I'm a grown man...I do have self control..." I reminded him. Part of me wanted to remind him he was the one with a carnal weakness in the past. Not me.

"Are you coming home right after the convention?" he questioned.

"Yes...I am flying back the next day..." I answered. He was silent and I wondered what he was thinking about.

"Okay..." he finally said. "I guess I will see you on the 10th..." he advised me.

"We'll talk on the phone..." I said as a reminder.

"Yes.." he said back. "Have a good day and I will give you a call when you get home..." he advised me.

"Okay..." I replied as I slid out from under the blanket and felt the need to pee.

"I love you..." he said and I smiled hearing it.

"Love you too babe..." I said back and hung up the phone.
-----------------------------

25th June 1985

4 am

"I think I'm heading up..." I told Eddie as we sat at corner table at the party after the final day of the convention. It had started around 10 pm and we had managed to stay up all night. There had been a jam on the stage and we had performed together and also with some other notable guests. I had never played before with John Entwistle from The Who, so it was a blast to stand next to this incredible bassist.

Eddie and I both had traded licks with Ted Nugent. After leaving the stage, we proceeded to share a lot of drinks. We managed to eat dinner in between and enjoyed the company of other musicians as they drifted in and out of the party. We also had female company again.

"You know there isn't a point in going to bed at this hour..." Eddie pointed out. I checked my watch and found it was 4:05 am. It had been a long time since I was up quite this late.

"I've got to catch a few hours...I've got a flight at 10 am..." I advised. Eddie smiled at me and he leaned closer.

"Alright then..." Eddie responded. "I guess I'll see you on tv for Live Aid!" he stated. I nodded and smiled as we shook hands. I felt bad that his band wasn't intact at the moment. His lead singer, David Lee Roth, had left. They also had a split with their band manager. He had no clear direction for his future yet and his amount of drinking showed it was affecting him. I had managed to sober up a bit in the last hour. Drinking only club soda.

"I'll call you soon..." I promised. Eddie nodded and reached for his cigarettes. I left the table after saying goodnight to the other guests and headed for my room. I got into the lift and pressed my floor as the doors began to close.

"Wait!" someone yelled. A young woman hurriedly slipped into the car with me. It was the girl who had been at our table and I had chatted with on and off. She smiled as she let out a sound of relief. "You walk fast!" she exclaimed in an excited voice. I smiled at her to be polite as the car began to move.

"What floor do you need?" I asked her. She took a step closer to me.

"I think you know I'm hoping to go where ever you're going..." she said in her Midwest American accent. The way she looked at me made it clear what her intent was. Before I could respond she stood in front of me and pressed her hands onto my chest. She was about a foot shorter than me and quite attractive. Long blond hair in a loose perm and blue eyes. Her mouth reminded me of Roger's. I was tempted to kiss her for that reason alone.

"I'm not sure I'm up for company..." I told her in a light manner. Not wanting to offend her as I declined her offer. She moved one of her hands down and cupped my crotch with it. She began caressing it and the reaction was instant.

"I think you're more than up for it..." she replied with a smirk on her face. "If you take me back to your room...I promise you won't be disappointed..." she proposed as she kept working her hand over me. My erection growing at the movement. "I've never had a British rock star...you'll be my first!" she pleaded as she lowered her eyelids and pouted a little.

"I don't know..." I responded as I fought the desire building in me. I was still somewhat drunk and after weeks of no sex I was already hard and my jeans felt quite uncomfortable.

"We don't even have to fuck..." she said and looked down at my growing bulge. "I'll blow you..." she proposed as she reached up and tried to undo my zipper. My hands went down to stop her as the lift bell sounded.

"Not here..." I said and realized my self control was waning fast. The door began to open so I grabbed her hand and we stepped out of the lift. Walking down the hallway as I fished my key from my pocket. She stood and giggled a little as I struggled to get the key in the lock and open the door. I was starting to feel embarrassed but the lock finally gave way. I stepped in and went for the lights as she walked in behind me. I got the lights and she smiled at me as she closed the door. She began walking towards me wearing a confident smile. She suddenly stopped and looked down and I saw her pick up an envelope from the floor. It must have been shoved under my door sometime tonight. I held out my hand for it. "It must be a message for me..." I remarked as she came towards me.

"I'll give you the envelope after you kiss me and take off those jeans..." she said in a taunting manner. She stood right in front of me and held the envelope in her hand behind her back.

"Okay..." I mumbled as I reached down and unzipped my jeans. My erection easing as I pulled my jeans down my thighs and she watched with delight on her face. My hard cock tenting out my underwear.

"Look at that!" she said and seemed impressed. "I've heard you English really pack a wallop!" she exclaimed as she kept her hands behind her back and leaned in closer. "Kiss me..." she said. I leaned in and pressed a kiss to her mouth. She leaned in more and made the kiss a bit more passionate. One of her hands came around and pushed me back onto the bed behind me. I sat on the edge and she held her other hand up with the envelope. I took it from her.

"Thanks..." I told her and she grinned as she knelt down in front of me and spread my thighs with her hands.

"So polite!" she remarked as she reached for the band of my briefs to pull them down.

"Let me read this and then we can do this..." I requested. She smiled at me as she sat back on her legs and watched me open the envelope. She pulled gum from her mouth and put it in a tissue. I took out the folded message and read it.
+++++++

'Change of plans for your trip...please get your new ticket at the front desk...'

R
++++++++

I was instantly curious what the change was and knew this message was from Roger. I wondered if something came up relating to band business and they needed me to go somewhere. Perhaps it was about Live Aid. My mind quickly became distracted by this and I almost forgot the young woman seated on the floor in front of me.

"Are you ready?" she asked me. I set the message down and looked at her.

"I'm sorry...but I need to decline your lovely offer..." I told her as I reached down at my jeans so I could pull them back up. Suddenly feeling incredibly foolish. Her face registered disappointment as she lifted up and then stood. Once she got out of my way I stood and pulled my jeans up and zipped them. Finding the button and securing it as she looked at me with annoyance.

"You sure we can't just..." she began to propose and I quickly shook my head.

"My apologies...something has come up that requires my attention...I'm sorry..." I quickly said as I escorted her to my door. She sighed heavily as we reached it.

"Will you be back at NAMM next year?" she inquired. "Going on tour soon?" she asked as she eyed my crotch again.

"I don't know...probably not..." I responded honestly. "You've been lovely and I'm sorry to disappoint...do you need taxi fare or anything?" I questioned. Wanting to make sure she got home safely. She smiled at me.

"I'm good...it's nice of you to ask though..." she said as she got on her toes and gave me a quick kiss. "Have a safe trip home and I'll see you on MTV!" she said as I opened the door.

"Thanks..." I told her. She went to slip out and stopped and looked me over again. She shook her head.

"It's a shame..." she remarked as she smiled at me. "Ever since I saw you all wrapped up in red in that 'Radio Ga Ga' video...I've thought about you..." she told me with a wink. "Bye!" she said as she sauntered down the hallway. I did appreciate her compliment but had other matters at hand right now.

"Bye..." I replied as I watched her go. As soon as she disappeared into a lift I grabbed my key and walked down to head to the lobby. I rode with growing curiosity about my change in travel plans. I reached the front desk and the attendant smiled at me.

"How can I help you?"

"Anything for Brian May....suite 1004?" I replied. He smiled and turned around and pulled a large yellow envelope from a shelf and turned back to me.

"Here you are sir..." he advised.

"Thanks..." I said and took the envelope and began walking back to my suite. Despite the late hour, I was stopped for an autograph before I reached the lifts. I had probably given a hundred of them in 3 days and posed for dozens of pictures with fans. I got on the lift and began opening the package as it went up.

I pulled out a plane ticket and was surprised to find it was a flight to Los Angeles. I instantly assumed it was Queen business and then checked to see if there was any hotel information. I figured they would send a car and then wondered if I would just stay at our house there.

My mind was spinning as I returned to my suite and set down my ticket. I picked up the phone and called Roger's personal line. I waited for an answer but got his machine. I left a message for him to call me and then dialed the number for Clare. Since she managed our affairs and our calendars she might know what this was about.

"Clare Taylor..."

"Hi...it's me..." I advised.

"Hi Brian...what time is it there?" she instantly questioned.

"It's almost five..." I confirmed.

"Insomnia or a late night?" she questioned. I smiled at her question.

"Late night..." I replied and knew she was smirking.

"What can I do for you?" she asked.

"I was calling about my change in travel plans..." I advised.

"You got the message then?" she asked.

"Yes...I got the message from Roger about a change and I picked up my ticket at the front desk..." I confirmed. "What am I doing in L.A.?" I questioned.

"He didn't want to say anything in his message..." Clare replied. "You're meeting him there..." she stated. I was confused for a second and then realized what she was saying.

"You mean he is flying to L.A.?" I asked as excitement grew inside me.

"Yes...he left earlier today..." she confirmed. "Officially...you are in New Orleans and he is here..." she pointed out. I immediately understood what was happening and couldn't believe it.

"How long do we have?" I asked her as my heart began racing.

"Three days..." she answered. "Have a nice trip!" she said and I stood up from the bed with the thrill I felt inside.

"Thanks!" I said and hung up the phone. I raced to the shower and felt a renewed energy as I stripped off my clothes and turned on the water. Wanting to shout with glee as I stepped in to clean up.

-------------------------------------------------------

I managed to fall asleep on the plane and was glad for it when I woke and felt more rested as we landed in Los Angeles. I couldn't wipe the smile from my face as I departed the plane and found a driver waiting for me in the arrivals area. We collected my luggage and were soon heading for my beach house.

"You here on business or pleasure?" the driver asked me as he drove the Pacific Coast Highway. I didn't care about the spectacular view or the driver making conversation.

"Business..." I muttered back. The driver nodded and focused on the road. We didn't say much else. I closed my eyes and waited to be reunited with my husband.

The limo pulled up in the drive and I saw there was a car already there. The driver followed me inside with my luggage, as was the norm, and set it down as I thanked him and tipped him. The house seemed empty and quiet as he left. I knew instinctively where Roger was and walked to the back door and stepped outside. I walked past the back garden area to the beach and saw a familiar tousle of blond hair attached to a beautiful body laid out on a towel in the sand.

As I approached he looked up and saw me and proceeded to pull himself up from the towel and ran towards me. I opened my arms to him as he practically leapt into them. I grabbed him under his bottom and held him to me as we met in a kiss. He tasted so good to me and the feel of him in my arms made me want to cry. I missed this so much. We finally parted to catch our breaths. Neither of us spoke a word as I slowly set him down and then he grabbed my hand and we walked back to the house together. The towel abandoned on the beach and our other lives abandoned for three days.

Chapter Text

A/N - There is a new POV in this chapter. Thanks for your patience while I worked through my writer's block.

27th June 1985

Los Angeles

Brian's POV

I used to think Roger was at his most beautiful during those heady days in 1976. But watching him now, I think I might be wrong. Seeing him lying in the hammock swinging back and forth in the back garden of our private house in L.A, he was more radiant than ever.

The radio was playing softly in the background and he was lazily moving the hammock beneath him. One leg swung over the side as he rested with his arms behind his head. A dream like look on his face. I turned the page in my notebook and felt inspired.

In the sunshine of this year
I remember your face so clear
If you want, we can journey back
Find the traces of our golden days

The words 'golden days' somehow suited this getaway. We were spending time together and considered this precious secret escape as being golden time. Priceless and precious. I found myself inspired by the discussion and jotted down the words that had filled my head.

Golden corn waving in the sun
Golden days unaware we run
Well I won't forget the sound
Golden dreams shattered on the ground

"What are you writing?" Roger suddenly asked me. I looked up and found him watching me. I smiled at him.

"A song maybe..." I replied. He rolled onto his side in the hammock and gazed at me.

"You always seemed inspired at the most interesting times..." he remarked. I tapped my pen against my notebook.

"I can't help it..." I responded. "Sometimes the words just pop in my head and I need to get them down before they disappear..." I told him. I leaned forward a little and gave him an earnest expression. "Have you written anything lately?" I asked him. Roger shrugged slightly.

"Not much..." he said. "At least not much I think Queen might be interested in..." he clarified. I was well aware that nowadays he wrote as much for himself as he did for the band. I could appreciate it. He enjoyed his solo ventures and found them a way to satisfy a creative itch that Queen didn't always scratch these days. Despite having minimal commercial success with his solo records, he still enjoyed that freedom of expression and being his own man.

"Already have enough for another solo record?" I queried.

"Possibly..." he said as he turned to get out of the hammock. Pulling himself up to step out of it. "I'm getting hungry..." he announced as he stood and stretched. His arms reaching up over his head.

"I could eat...." I agreed as I closed my notebook and set it down. Roger stuck his hand out to me and I let him take it and pull me up from my chair. Leading me into the house to consider dinner. Once I arrived at the house and got settled, I ventured out and bought some groceries for the few days we are here. We didn't want to risk going out to eat anywhere and being spotted together. As far as the world knew, I was still in New Orleans and he was back in London. We intended to keep it that way. I made us both an omelet and fried potatoes and Roger squeezed some fresh orange juice.

"I remember that omelets were your 'go to' thing anytime you cooked for us during our early days..." Roger remarked as he took a bite of his food.

"I didn't know a lot about cooking then..." I pointed out. "My Mum had taught me a few things as she didn't want me living off jam and bread or fish and chips the rest of my life..." I said as Roger smiled.

"Your omelets are good...but I think your cheese lasagna is your best dish..." Roger divulged. I smiled at the compliment.

"I am pretty proud of my lasagna..." I replied.

"Have you ever made it for Chrissie?" he asked me. I shook my head.

"No..." I answered as I collected some omelet on my fork. "She loves to cook so I let her..." I revealed. "She pretty much likes doing anything in regards to care taking..." I stated.

"Except in the bedroom..." Roger said as he avoided eye contact with me and shoveled some potatoes in his mouth.

"I suppose Dom is more than satisfactory in that department?" I questioned. Roger remained looking down at his food but formed a small smile.

"She does alright..." he replied. I took that to mean the answer was yes. I wasn't sure if I was jealous or just annoyed that he got a better bedroom partner.

"How about we change topic?" I proposed. Wanting to avoid a conversation that might lead to an argument or resentment. Roger looked up at me and had a serious expression.

"Do you ever wonder what you'll do after Queen is over?" he suddenly asked me. I was taken aback by the topic he chose to go to.

"I've considered it over the years..." I replied honestly. "I think what my answer would be has changed over time..." I remarked. Curious what he was thinking. "Do you?" I asked back.

"Sure!" he said as he sipped his orange juice. "I think at this stage of our lives it is important to consider what the future might hold and what we want from it..." he observed. For a moment I wondered if he meant career or if that also included his personal life. "So...if Queen broke up tomorrow...what would you do?" he asked directly.

"Are you asking out of general curiosity or is there something you know that you are not telling me?" I instantly responded. Feeling a sense of dread growing inside me. Roger shook his head.

"Just curious...I promise!" he replied. "I am not aware of any plans by any of us to jump ship..." he assured. I felt better and then wondered how to answer him.

"I'm not sure..." I answered. "I think it might be clearer if we weren't separated right now..." I said truthfully. "I guess I'd probably continue in music somehow...write and produce for others and maybe consider a solo record of my own..." I proposed. "I guess outside of music...I always hoped to finish my Phd..." I confessed.

"Wow!" Roger said with surprise. "I figured on your answer music wise...I didn't realize you still wanted to finish your degree..." he told me. A smile formed on his face as he toyed with his fork in his potatoes. "I have to admit...it's kind of sexy...you possibly being a doctor and all..." he told me with a wink. I love it when he becomes playful.

"If you ever want to play doctor...well...I'm up for it!" I challenged to him. Roger grabbed his orange juice and took a large sip and set the glass down on the table.

"Well let's go then!" he said as he stood up and reached out his hand. I laughed at his shamelessness.

"Can I at least finish my dinner?" I asked him. Roger slid back in his chair and grabbed his fork.

"Fine! But make sure you don't stuff yourself..." he told me. "That's my job!" he said and I found his crude comment distasteful but also funny. I pulled up my fork full of potatoes and flung some of them at his direction. "Hey!" he shouted as most of it landed on his plate.

Roger grabbed a handful of his own potatoes and stood up halfway as he reached over and shoved them down my shirt. I screamed with surprise and shock and caught him by the hem of his t-shirt as he tried to get away.

"You are going to pay for that!" I warned as I yanked him closer and got up from my chair and took hold of my orange juice. I poured the remains of my glass over his head as Roger yelped.

"You bastard!" he shouted as he tore loose from my grip and whipped around. Glaring at me with a mix of anger and daring. Thin streams of juice running down his cheeks. I took a step backwards as he wiped his face. Wondering what he might do next. My heart rate escalating and an impulse to flee building. I managed to find my feet and turned and began running before he could get a hold of me. I felt him tug on the end of my shirt as I sped off. Not able to keep a grip. I heard him trailing me as I headed down the hall and out the back door.

"Come back here!" Roger shouted as I laughed and kept going. Reaching the sand and feeling my feet slide in the loose tiny granules. As I tried to get my footing, I felt Roger come up behind me and tackle me. I went straight down and he landed on my back. I made a gasp of surprise at losing the air in my lungs.

"Get off me!" I cried breathlessly out as I tried to move. I managed to half way turn as Roger remained over me and was laughing at his success in taking me down.

"I've got you now!" he declared as he forced me on my back and held my arms at my sides. He was panting a little and laughing. I was too. His expression softened as he gazed down at me. "I've missed this..." he told me in a softer tone. I smiled at him.

"Me too..." I said as Roger bent down and kissed me. We shared a lingering kiss before he rolled off me and laid down in the sand at my side. Making a weary sigh as he did so.

"When we resolve things with my Father...I want us all to take a trip somewhere...the family..." Roger told me. "I mean just you and me and the kids..." he clarified. "Just go somewhere and be together like a regular family..." he dreamed. I loved the idea but felt I needed to remind him of something.

"Does that include the two babies who will soon be in our lives?" I pointed out.

"Oh right..." Roger responded. He made a little sound of surprise. "I hate to admit it...but when I am with you...I kind of forget about that..." he confessed. "I just think of us and Tigs and Jimi..." He made that sound again. "I mean...I know Dom is going to be the primary parent so I try to remember I won't be as involved as her..." he clarified.

"I guess that's true..." I commented.

"How are thing going to be with Chrissie when the baby comes?" Roger questioned. "Is she expecting you to be a fully present parent?" he asked me. I wasn't sure.

"To be honest...we haven't really talked about that aspect of it..." I admitted. "This is going to be her child and I will be involved in their life...but like it is with Dom...it is her baby..." I stated clearly.

"I'm glad to hear it..." Roger responded. "I know it will be hard for you to not be around all the time once we are back together...but that is how it will be..." he said. I knew it would be difficult to not be in their lives at the same level as I am with Jimi and was with Tiger Lily. I realized that this might prove to be a challenging prospect. Chrissie and I had not fully discussed how this would play out. I felt a little foolish as I considered this. Not having a clear understanding of what would happen once I get to go back home to Roger and both kids.

"I will make sure and talk to her about what happens when we are able to get back together..." I told him. "I want everything to be clear..." I advised as he nodded agreement.

"I know Chrissie is already living with you...and Dom is going to move in to the house and take up quarters in my room..." Roger informed me. "We won't be using our bedroom..." he assured me. I was glad to hear it. I had thought about it and then didn't want to know their arrangement. I liked knowing that boundary would remain in place.

"Good..." I replied. We both sat in silence and were lost in mulling over our current living situations and what the future might hold. We had not figured out who the mole was and we had not figured out how to extract ourselves from the blackmail situation we are in. Despite that, I felt confident we would be together again. Somehow. Someway.

------------------------------------------

28th June 1985

London

Jim's POV

"Oh Jim!" Freddie exclaimed with delight as he took the small bouquet of flowers from me. "They're stunning! Thank you..." he remarked as he leaned in and smelled the fragrant blossoms. I loved seeing how much he liked them.

"You're welcome..." I replied as I walked into the flat and saw Phoebe walking through the front area. He waved to me.

"Hi Jim!" he said in a friendly manner. I waved back.

"Hiya..." I replied as he disappeared into the kitchen. I returned my attention to Freddie as he kept hold of the bundle of yellow freesia.

"I remember you saying that yellow was your favorite..." I remarked as I followed Freddie into his lounge. He nodded to me.

"They are..." he replied as the kitchen door opened and Phoebe came out carrying a large crystal vase with some water already in it. "Oh thank you dear..." Freddie told him as Phoebe helped him place the flowers in the vase. He carried it over to the side table and set it in the middle. Arranging it until he was satisfied. Phoebe disappeared again as Freddie came over and I opened my arms for him to sit in my lap. He readily flopped down and I couldn't get over how light he is. I let him lean in and we shared a kiss. "How are you today?" he asked me.

"I'm good...work was alright...busy..." I answered.

"Are you hungry?" he asked me. I nodded. My stomach had started growling on the bus.

"I am..." I confirmed. He grinned as he climbed out of my lap and stood up. Taking my hand and leading me over to his dining table. I noted it was already set for dinner. For two. It had some nice tapered candles and fine crystal stemware. The place settings were an Asian design. I knew he had loads of Japanese decor and he told me when he moved to his new house there would be more. He really seemed to like it and it suited him somehow. It felt foreign and mysterious. Kind of like he did at times.

Freddie walked over and picked up a small mallet and proceeded to strike a small table top gong. It made a rather loud sound for such a small piece of metal. "Dinner is served!" he said with a pleased smile as the kitchen door opened and Phoebe and Joe came out carrying some covered dishes. I could smell the pot roast and felt my stomach rumble. Freddie lit the candles and Phoebe and Joe set the dishes on the table. They reminded us the dishes were hot and left the oven mitts as they disappeared down the hallway. Freddie gestured for me to have a seat. He opened the dishes and began serving us as I tucked in my cloth napkin and gazed at the sumptuous food.

It was delicious and we enjoyed some wine along with the meal. I talked a little about one of the clients I had that day and Freddie mentioned an interview he had given that afternoon. We certainly lived different lives but I found him fascinating. I listened as he briefly mentioned lunch with his sister and how much he loved Kashmira. I thought her name was lovely. She was quite pretty in the photos he displayed of her. I found Freddie beautiful as well.

"I know you work certain Saturdays and I was wondering if you are free on the 13th..." Freddie inquired. I did a check in my head of the dates and smiled at him.

"I am off that day...why do you ask?" he formed a wide smile as he leaned closer to me. Clearly excited about what he was going to say.

"I'd like you to accompany me to a concert!" he divulged. I was instantly curious which one.

"Who are we seeing?" I questioned. Freddie gave me one of his amused chuckles.

"Why Jim darling! You are going to see me!" he announced. I was surprised as I thought the band had finished their tour.

"Are you going back on tour?" I asked him. He shook his head.

"You really don't keep up with music...do you?" he responded.

"You know I don't..." I reminded him.

"Well...it's only going to be the biggest concert of the year...probably the decade darling!" he informed me with a sense of the event's importance. I decided to play with him.

"And why is that?" I asked him. "Because you are performing?" I questioned with a touch of cheek. Freddie formed a proud expression and folded his arms.

"Queen is performing...but the reason it is so big is that pretty much everyone who is anyone is performing as well...it's a charity concert for famine relief for Africa..." he explained. "The event is all day long and we are playing towards the end of the show..."

"Are you the main event?" I questioned. Unsure of what they call the big featured act.

"I plan to show the audience that I am!" Freddie responded proudly. I found it surprising that he was so confident about this. I generally found him to be a bit shy and uncertain of himself at times.

"Are you that good then?" I asked plainly.

"Even better!" he responded arrogantly. I smiled at him.

"Well...I guess I better go with you then...this I have to see!" I replied with a light chuckle. Amused at his certainty about his performance capabilities.

"Good!" he responded and took a sip of his wine. His eyes sparkling. Clearly satisfied I said yes.

--------------------------------------------

Los Angeles

Roger's POV

I found some hats in our upstairs closet and we donned them along with some sunglasses and headed out for a drive. It had proved a bit stifling to sit in the house when the views of California beckoned to us. I felt it was worth the risk. Brian certainly appeared different with most of his hair hidden in the ballcap. He sat next to me as we road down the Pacific Coast Highway. Taking in the sights of the beginning of summer. The warm air and bright sun intoxicating. The sight of the ocean beside us calming.

"I still want a boat..." I told my husband as I winded down the highway and we both admired the view of some yachts far out in the water.

"Then get one..." Brian replied. I grinned at him.

"I will..." I said back.

"What would you even name a boat?" he questioned. I had actually thought about it.

"Radio Gaga!" I answered. "After all...it is probably what paid for the boat..." I pointed out. He laughed.

"That makes sense...but it is an odd name for a boat..." he commented.

"And what would you name a boat?" I asked him. He seemed to think for a moment and then he turned to me.

"Tiger Lily..." he said. I instantly smiled at his answer.

"I like that..." I told him.

"I thought you might..." he surmised. We shared an expression of affection between us and I resumed focusing on the road. Steering confidently into the twists and turns of the snaking road. Loving the experience. Loving him being at my side again. We had mostly stuck to lighter topics today. After the heaviness of discussing the women in our lives and the impending arrival of two babies, we opted for easier subject matter. But something was on my mind and I was curious what he would say.

"Bri...have you ever thought what our lives would be like if we weren't a secret?" I asked him.

"Of course, I have..." he instantly replied. "I've fantasized about it quite often..." he remarked.

"I mean if we really weren't a secret though..." I clarified. "What if we came out publicly and declared our relationship?" I proposed. "Beat my father to the punch so to speak..." I suggested. I could see Brian's mind racing behind his troubled hazel eyes.

"Are you asking me if we should do this?" he asked me cautiously. I shook my head.

"No..." I advised. "I just wondered what you thought would happen..." I told him. "What you imagine it would be like..." He was silent for a minute as he mulled it over. I gave him the time to consider it.

"If we came out right now...I imagine that our careers would be over..." he stated decisively. "The band would fracture from it and it possibly might destroy Freddie and Deacy's lives as well as our own..." he added. I had considered this when I thought about this scenario.

"Yeah...I thought so as well..." I agreed. "I'm not sure it would destroy our lives...but definitely our careers..." I remarked.

"But Rog...you have to realize that it would impact not only us but everyone that works for us and our families as well..." he pointed out. "We have quite a few employees and they might all lose their jobs..." he surmised in a serious tone.

"You must know that if Queen ever calls it quits...some of those people will lose their jobs if we don't exist anymore..." I reminded him. Brian's brow furrowed at the prospect.

"I know..." he finally answered. "And I know if we came out some people might quit because they don't want to be associated with homosexuals..." Brian suggested. I smiled at him.

"I am pretty sure quite a few of the employees are aware that Freddie is gay..." I stated. "They don't seem to let that stop them from collecting a salary from us..."

"They may figure out he is gay...but you have to agree it is not like he is parading around London announcing he is and showing off his latest boyfriend to the press..." Brian pointed out. "I think they appreciate that he pretty much keeps his private affairs private..."

"You've got a point..." I replied. Considering that aspect of it. But something still lingered about this question.

"How do you think your parents would react if they knew we were going public?" I then questioned. Brian let out a deep sigh.

"I think we both know my Father would have a hard time dealing with it..." he told me. "I know he is okay with us being together but it certainly makes it easier that it is kept under wraps...despite him retiring, I know he still socializes with some work colleagues... my parents also have friends who might drop them in light of knowing about me...about us..."

"I am pretty sure my Mum would be okay with it...Trevor too..." I commented. "I am not sure how my extended family would react..." I added.

"Mine as well..." Brian replied. "Our parents know about us so it wouldn't come as a shock hearing it for the first time....it would be a shock to them..."

"True..." I agreed. We both avoided the topic of the children possibly being taken from us. It was too much to handle. I felt the urge for a smoke and gestured at my pack on dash. "Could you get me a ciggie?" I asked him.

"I thought you were trying to quit..." Brian instantly responded. I knew Tiger Lily had certainly told him about this during one of their phone calls.

"It's hard..." I replied as Brian formed a disapproving expression but picked up the packet and pulled one out for me. I leaned his way as he stuck it in my mouth and grabbed my lighter. He kindly got it lit for me as I puffed on it. Leaning back to sit up straight. "Thanks babe..." I said as he returned the lighter to the dash.

"You should think more about quitting..." he remarked. I knew I should but felt like it was a bad time to try. I had a lot going on at the moment. I decided to change the subject.

"What do you think of going back to the house and building a fire on the beach tonight?" Brian's face lit up at the suggestion.

"It sounds lovely..." he answered. I smiled at him as I reached up and took my cigarette and tapped it in the ashtray.

"Good!" I told him and turned back to focus on the road as we continued down the winding hill.

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Deacy's POV

"Thanks..." I told the courier as I accepted the large envelope from him. He nodded and turned to leave as I closed the door. Tucking the envelope under my arm.

"Want to play some footie in the garden?" Michael asked me as I walked past the family room. I stopped and held up the envelope.

"Maybe later...I just got my reports..." I advised him. He made a face of discontent so I stuck my tongue out at him and resumed walking down the hall. Hearing him laugh as I went into my office and closed the door. Tossing the envelope on my desk and making myself a drink.

I took a seat in my chair and set my drink down before unsealing the large envelope and extracting the reports. It was thicker than usual because it included the expense report relating to our recent touring. I always found these reports interesting. Seeing how much we spent to travel somewhere and set our crew and ourselves up in hotels. The cost of food and drink and parties. It was sobering sometimes to see the total amount spent.

I started on the first page as I sipped my drink and scoured the summary information. It was fairly standard but mentioned an increase in some of the expenses. I grew curious what expenses had gone up. I began combing through the pages and reviewing the details.

The cost for our British tour last Autumn seemed normal. Nothing out of the ordinary. I found the reports for the Rio leg of our tour and there was a red notation about the cost of telephone calls. I reviewed the detailed report and was surprised to find that the primary culprit was Paul Prenter. I quickly compared his expenses to those of other crew members. Both Ratty and Crystal's totals were similar and much lower than his. I knew Paul handled the press but figured his calls would have been local in nature. Speaking to the Brazilian media during the trip, not calling elsewhere.

I picked up my phone and dialed the number from my list of contacts at the business office.

"Queen Productions...Evelyn speaking..."

"This is John Deacon...can I please speak with Peter Chant?"

"Of course Mr. Deacon....one moment..." I was placed on hold and took a sip of my drink.

"Hello Mr. Deacon!" the voice of Peter Chant stated in a friendly voice.

"Hi Peter!" I replied. "Please call me John..." I requested.

"Certainly...John...what can I do for you?" Peter asked.

"I received the financials from the last tour and wanted to see if there was more detailed information about the expenses that went up in comparison to prior tours..." I explained.

"I've got those reports here...is there a specific expense you are interested in?" he questioned.

"Yes...the telephone bills from the hotels..." I answered. "I'm not sure what information is available...but whatever you can get..." I requested.

"I don't have much here in the office...but if you really want some details...I can request a detailed listing of the calls made from the rooms during each stay..." he advised. This is what I wanted to see. A detailed list of the calls. I wanted to know if he was calling America or England so I could understand why the cost was higher.

"If you could request that...I'd greatly appreciate it..." I told him.

"Of course!" he responded. "I do need to let you know that requesting and receiving the reports can take up to 2 months sometimes..." he warned.

"That's fine...just send them to me once they've arrived..." I replied.

"I will call you to let you know they are here and being sent by courier..." he informed me.

"Thanks Peter..."

"You're welcome John..." he responded. "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"That's it..." I advised. "Have a good afternoon..."

"You too John..." he replied and we both hung up. I leaned forward and examined the amounts again and knew I had to be patient to solve this mystery. I flipped the page and began reading over the other figures as I lit a cigarette.

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Brian's POV

"What are you doing when you get back?" I asked Roger as he sat next to me on the blanket near the fire.

"I'm going to stop on my way back and visit Jo..." he replied. "I haven't seen her in ages...I miss her..." I know how much Jo means to him. She has been a solid friend and helped us out a lot with a cover story for Roger. I liked her myself.

"I'm glad to hear it..." I told him. "Give her my regards..." I requested. He smiled at me as he poked at the fire with a long stick.

"I will..." Roger said back. We were silent as he continued stoking the fire. The flames getting taller and the fire growing hotter. It felt nice against the chilly night air by the ocean.

"You excited about Live Aid?" I asked him to break the silence.

"I am!" Roger responded. "I think this will be a lot of fun...once we figure out our setlist and rehearse the condensed performance..." Roger formed an excited expression. "I've heard that you can bring family or guests with you...so I was thinking we could bring the kids...you know...it will be backstage...so we can all be together to experience the show..." he informed me. I smiled at the proposal.

"Yes! Let's bring them with us..." I agreed. "We can have Mia there to watch them when we perform..." I suggested. Roger nodded agreement.

"Maybe we can skip bringing Dom and Chrissie and have a day of just us and the kids..." he replied.

"That sounds wonderful!" I instantly imagined us all together and hanging out like it used to be. I was more excited about the show than I was before. I reached over and pulled Roger in for a kiss. Feeling happy and amorous. We shared a slow kiss and then parted lips. He pulled away but only to move down the blanket as he reached down and prompted me to spread my legs. Roger leaned over and began unzipping my jeans. I tilted back on my hands and watched as he freed my cock and proceeded to stroke me.

He ran his tongue over my stomach as he got me hard from his hand job. I moaned with anticipation and desire as he slowly moved his mouth over me and then took me in. His lips wrapping around me and that expert tongue working me over. My fingers dug into the blanket as my erection grew and a rush of electricity shot through me.

"So good..." I managed to mutter to him as I closed my eyes and savored his talent. Roger kept blowing me and I felt myself nearing a peak faster than I wanted. I had not had a blow job in a while and being back with him was thrilling. "I'm going to come soon if you keep that up..." I advised him. Roger pulled off me and peered up at me with a wicked grin.

"You want to come now or later?" he questioned. I knew he was indicating we could shift to other activities and I nodded without hesitation. Wanting as much of him as I could get before we had to leave.

"Later..." I answered.

"Stay here..." Roger requested and moved to get up from the blanket. I watched him rush away and knew he was going to get some lubricant. I watched the fire while I waited and then smiled as I saw him coming back. He tossed the tube onto the blanket and began pulling off his shirt. I did the same and worked to get out of my jeans. Roger quickly got naked and I could see he was already erect. He looked stunning standing in the glow of the fire.

"You're still like a Greek god!" I exclaimed as Roger smiled at my compliment and sat down on the blanket next to me.

"Flattery will get you everywhere..." he said as he pulled me down to lie on the blanket and got between my spread legs. We began kissing heavily and groping at each other. Still an element of desperation when we made love. He was soon grinding against my body with his own. His cock sliding up next to mine as we moved together. Our lust escalating as our mouths remained locked together and our hands roamed everywhere. We finally parted to catch a breath.

"I haven't been this happy in months..." I told Roger as we looked into each other's eyes. I could see that happiness in his face.

"Let's savor this as it might be a while before we can do this again..." Roger said as he resumed kissing me. I felt his hand reach down between my thighs; seeking out my bottom and finding my entrance. The thought of being filled by him and being fucked by him made my heart rate sky rocket.

"I love you..." I told him as he ran his lips over my upper chest. Feeling completely engulfed in him. Sexually; emotionally; physically.

"I love you too..." he replied in between kisses. "Forever..." he said as he continued. I felt a pang in my chest.

"Forever..." I replied and closed my eyes and hoped it was true.

'Say you hear me
Say your heart beats
Say your love burns on in the rain
And I'll touch you
And I'll hold you
Once again'

Chapter Text

13th July 1985

London

Freddie's POV

I was actually nervous! I couldn't believe it. I don't know why. We are rehearsed and prepared. The setlist was ironed out and the run through done a dozen times. This will probably be fairly effortless for us in comparison to those poor bands who don't have any real experience performing in a stadium. Queen is actually in our element with this show. Still. I felt nervous.

I glanced over and watched Jim eyeing everything with awe and amazement. He had worn one of my vests and it looked quite nice tucked into his snug jeans. Showing off his solid form. I kept finding myself eyeing him and thinking naughty thoughts. He dangled a forgotten cigarette from his fingers as he watched us driving into the secured area of the stadium. I knew Jim was impressed when the man doing security at the gate took one look at me and smiled and waved us in. It was still flattering after all this time to be recognized and shown reverence. The car came to a stop in front of a row of backstage doors. A security man stepped up to open the car door for us. Phoebe got out and headed for the boot to collect some things we brought with us.

"Here we are!" I told Jim as I slid out first. Immediately hearing the whirring of photographers and two video cameramen homing in on us as we departed the car. I had told Jim plainly that there would be photographers and cameramen and reporters backstage. We needed to keep our relationship low profile today. He walked a few paces behind me as I looked around for one of Queen's crew members. I spotted Ratty rushing up towards us. He waved to me and was holding some backstage passes.

"Hey Fred!" he said as he arrived and held out two lanyards with large plastic passes attached. I handed one to Jim. Ratty looked at me expectantly. "Here's yours!" Ratty informed me. I waved my hand dismissively at him as we began walking into the secured area.

"I'm Freddie Mercury...I don't need that ID for people to know it's me..." I remarked with mild irritation. Ratty shrugged at me as Jim placed his lanyard around this neck.

"Suit yourself..." he grumbled as Paul approached. I had not seen him since he left for holiday. He had returned in the last few days having missed our rehearsal time. I found that I didn't miss his presence there. Ratty and Crystal and Phoebe had everything well in hand.

"Hi Freddie!" Paul said with a warm smile. I noticed it falter a little when he saw Jim coming up behind me. "Oh...hi Jim..." Paul remarked flatly. It annoyed me that he was so obvious about his lack of interest in my new boyfriend.

"Hi Paul..." Jim replied sincerely. "How was your visit home?" he asked in a friendly manner. I admired Jim's handling of his rude behavior. They were both Irishmen and he was being polite.

"It was good..." Paul responded. "I'm ready to be back here..." he quickly added. I smiled at his enthusiasm for work.

"Do you know where our quarters are?" I questioned. Paul nodded and gestured towards a walkway.

"We're right this way..." he advised as Jim and I followed his lead.

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Jim's POV

If you had asked me a few months ago where I thought I would be right now, this is the last place I would have expected. Things have changed so much since I got with Freddie. I feel at times I am living two different lives. I get up and take the train into work from my lodging in Sutton and spend my days cutting and styling men's hair at The Savoy Hotel. Five days a week and every other Saturday. It was a regular life. Until I met Freddie again that night and began seeing him.

Now the other half of my life is chauffer driven cars and fancy meals in restaurants or cooked by Freddie's live in chef. Late nights at clubs and all the drink I can manage. Sometimes I stay with Freddie in his lavish flat in Kensington and enjoy the amenities of meals cooked to order and a group of instant companions. It would seem Freddie is a package deal. He can't go anywhere without someone along to take care of things or look out for him. Part assistant and bodyguard. Several of the people live with him in Stafford Terrace. He has told me they will be going with him to his new house when it is finished with the renovation.

I am glad that I find his group of friends nice to be around. I actually had met Peter Freestone, now Phoebe, when we both worked at Selfridges years before. He had managed one of the restaurants and I was selling hair pieces. Peter had been lovely then and that had not changed. I was pleased to find someone so capable and kind working for Freddie. It was amusing that he now went by Phoebe. A name christened to him by Freddie himself. He had given ladies names to all his friends. I was no exception and was soon referenced as Lauren since I shared the same last name as the American actress, Lauren Hutton. Despite the tag, Freddie always called me Jim and so did the others. I found that Joe, also known as Liza, Fannelli, was a sweet man as well. A former lover of Freddie's who was now just a good friend and his personal chef. I didn't mind these two at all. They were nice company.

The one person I found I had to make an effort with was Paul Prenter. You would think we would be kindred spirits both being Irish and all. There is something about him that sets me on edge. I've never had a cross word with him, but I sometimes catch him looking at me with an expression in his eyes that tells me I am not liked. At first I wondered if he was jealous of me. Did he want Freddie for himself? I never got the inkling from Freddie that he had any feelings for Paul other than friendship. It did not seem they had ever been intimate. Maybe Paul had an unrequited love for the man and resented anyone who got Freddie's affection. I quit trying to figure it out and reminded myself that Freddie wanted me around, so Paul had to accept it as his employee. I would remain polite as long as Paul did.

There was Freddie's inner circle in his home life but there was also his circle in his professional life. I had heard of Queen but wasn't overly familiar with their music. I listened to the radio on occasion but honestly couldn't tell one group from the next. It was a touch embarrassing now that I was dating someone so ingrained in this world. I had met his band mates at one of their rehearsals for Live Aid. Freddie had invited me to come for a visit after work one day. I stopped by the Shaw Theatre and walked in to find them all standing on the stage together. They were going over their setlist and was instantly amazed to see Freddie standing front and center in performance mode. He was bantering with the other band members as they argued about the final selection. It was fascinating to see him interact with the others.

I was introduced to them when they took a break. Brian was incredibly friendly and warm and welcomed me to the rehearsal. He was so tall and actually leaner than my Freddie. Roger seemed like a spirited outgoing type and he and Freddie shared a lot of humor between them. I found John to be quiet and reserved, kind of like me. We shared a handshake and kind smile but I could see he was the most introverted of the group. I could certainly appreciate that. I was on the shy side as well.

I took a seat and watched the whirlwind of a rehearsal as they ran through songs and worked to get their set down to 20 minutes. Finding the row of clocks lined up in front of the stage an interesting tactic. Their crew member, called Ratty, was constantly reminding them of the time as they worked through the set. Other crew members came and went as they made sure their equipment was in order and everyone had drinks and whatever else they needed. Kindly handing me a beer as they hustled by.

One thing I found interesting was the closeness between them all. You could tell this was a group of people who had known each other a long time. There was an intimacy there, especially between the four group members. The body language expressed a comfort with each other and a familiarity. Almost like four lovers in a way. For a moment I wondered if Freddie might have been involved with Roger. Then it occurred to me that the one I felt was a better candidate was John. The way he looked at Freddie conveyed a deep affection. I also noted some real chemistry between Brian and Roger. They did their share of arguing about the setlist like everyone else, but I saw something spark with them. Something unspoken. I sipped my beer and kept wondering if there was a history in this band no one knew about. It was so intriguing to watch and I hadn't even got to appreciate the music yet.

Standing here now at the side of the stage at Wembley, I could completely appreciate the music. It was something I had never imagined in my life. I should have just been impressed with the massive crowd out beyond the stage. I had heard someone say it was about 70,000 people in attendance. Staggering to me. I was escorted to the side of the stage as Freddie went with the band to walk up the rear and prepare to go on. I felt butterflies as I looked out at the sea of people waiting and cheering. I sipped my beer and heard the introduction of the group. I instantly recalled how they were at the rehearsal and wondered how that small venue performance would translate here. The roar of the crowd as Queen took the stage was powerful. Freddie ran out with his arm raised in the air. Looking confident and with a sense of command as he walked back and forth and stirred up a frenzy in the crowd.

He took a seat at the piano and he glanced right over at me for just a moment. Our eyes connecting as he smiled and then proceeded to plunk out a few notes to adjust the volume on his piano. He began playing and a massive roar went up at the familiar notes to their song, Bohemian Rhapsody. I had managed to learn this was considered their signature number and the reaction from the fans confirmed it.

I stood and watched their entire set as the band went from strength to strength with each song. I had seen Freddie go through the setlist in rehearsal and found that performance engaging. It held no comparison to him on this stage. Something about the actual audience and the size of the place seemed to make him come alive. In a way I couldn't have imagined. The person cavorting on this stage and holding the people in the palm of his hand was not the shy fellow I had come to know. His persona on stage was so opposite of that man. Freddie moved like a calculated cat around the stage area. Very adept at his craft from my perspective. I found it almost daunting to watch.

In addition to his physical presence, there was that voice. My god, he could sing! I had heard some of his records since we met. Mostly stuff from his new solo album. It was more dance oriented and were recordings perfected in a studio. This was something else entirely. He was a powerhouse as he belted out these heavier songs. No one else I had managed to hear singing that day touched his abilities on that stage. I was gob smacked as I listened. I could now understand why he was rich and famous. He was a remarkable talent. I found myself falling deeper in love as I witnessed this musical marvel. As I watched him do what he does best with his band mates. It was a humbling experience, and I was grateful to see it.

--------------------------------------------

When they finished their set and took their bows, I fell into the line of people in their entourage and followed them to their base camp backstage. I watched them all separate as they headed for their individual caravans. I went into Freddie's after him and witnessed Joe help him strip off his wet stage clothes. There was no modesty at all as he peeled off the jeans and damp underwear.

"Thank god that is over!" Freddie gasped as he took a towel from Joe and began rubbing himself dry. He smiled at me as I watched him clean up and get dressed in fresh clothes. He took a seat at the vanity and grabbed a brush. Looking at me in the reflection with a coy expression. "Alright then...what did you think?" he asked me. At that moment I honestly couldn't find the words to express how I felt seeing him perform. I had to give him something.

"I think that was bloody marvelous!" I remarked to him. It seemed the only thing to say. He formed a smug grin as he brushed his hair. Picking up a vodka Phoebe had placed on the dressing table for him.

"I think it was too!" he concurred and emptied his drink.

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24th August 1985

London

Roger's POV

'Fuck me...' I muttered under my breath as I picked up the newest issue of the American magazine, Newsweek. There it was as a cover story. AIDS! And there was another picture of the actor Rock Hudson next to the headline. Poor Rock! The news he has suffering from AIDS came in late July after he had checked into a hospital in Paris for treatment. What should have been a private matter was splashed all over the international news. Freddie had told us he knew about Rock being gay and that it was an open secret in Hollywood. He had many loyal friends who protected his secret. Now he was completely exposed and had become the face of this deadly virus. I hoped he could get effective treatment and his outcome might be better than other stories we had heard.

I purchased the magazine along with the other items I was tasked to get at the news agent. I took my bag and headed out of the shop. Only managing to get stopped once by a fan who recognized me. After signing something and chatting for a minute, I arrived at Dom's doorstep and went inside. It was quiet save for the sound of the television in her lounge. I found her and Tiger Lily watching together. Tigs had leaned in against Dom's side and Dom was casually running her hand up and down her swollen baby belly. She looked up as I walked in. I held up the news agent bag to show her I was successful.

"Oh good!" Dom exclaimed as I walked over and took a seat on her other side. Opening the bag and pulling out the packet of crisps she was craving. "Bless you Rog..." she remarked as I handed her the packet. Tigs looked over and I pulled out the chocolate bar she wanted and gave it to her.

"Thanks..." my daughter told me as she sat up to open the confection. I slid the newspapers and magazines out and Dom watched as I found her selection of periodicals. Handing her the Working Mother magazine along with her usual fashion and music publications.

"Marvelous!" Dom commented as she took the stack from me. She looked over and saw the Newsweek and frowned. "Oh my..." she sighed as she took the magazine from me and read the cover. I watched as she opened it and began flipping through it. "This is really getting serious..." she told me as we both looked at the main article. We were both silent as we read the sobering update about the virus. Taking in the grim facts. Dom finished and I took the magazine to read the last part. I had quickly discovered she is a fast reader. She let me finish before I looked at her and she gave me an empathetic expression.

"You okay?" she whispered. I nodded despite feeling bad after reading what was happening to so many gay men in America. It was spreading in the UK as well and had started to become feature stories in the papers here. It was also starting to spread to other groups of people.

"Yeah..." I finally replied and felt her grip my thigh. Offering me a supportive look.

"I know it's hard to see this..." Dom said with compassion. "Try not to think about it too much...you've got a lovely day planned tomorrow..." she reminded me. I nodded and smiled at the mention of tomorrow. I was flying to Munich to work on some new music for Queen. We were taking a private plane and it was just going to be myself and Brian on this particular flight. Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary, and it was a way to be together. We were going to go straight to Freddie's private flat to stay the night before the others arrive to begin work the next day.

"I do actually..." I responded with a wider smile. Dom leaned over and kissed my cheek. Gasping at her breath catching since she is so pregnant these days. Her lungs now being compromised by her size.

"Ugh!" Dom groaned and rubbed at her baby bump. "This baby is starting to really mess with my breathing..." she complained. I remembered Clare having a similar problem when she was pregnant with Jimi.

"You've just got a few more months..." I told her sympathetically. I reached over and gently rubbed on her oversized tummy. A smile breaking out on her face as she watched me. I formed a cheeky grin. "You can hold your breath until then..." I teased. Dom made a protesting sound as she grabbed one of her magazines and swatted me with it.

"Hey!" she cried out as Tiger Lily laughed at us both. Dom also grinning in the end. "You are incorrigible sometimes..." she told me as she rolled her magazine out flat and reached for her crisps. "Could you get me some more iced tea?" she requested as she eyed her empty glass. I let out a sigh of mock annoyance as I collected her glass.

"Anything for you my dear..." I told Dom as I gave her a fake grin and she fake grinned back.

"Could I have some too?" Tigs requested. I gave her a condescending look.

"I believe you are more than capable of getting your own..." I pointed out. Tigs batted her long eyelashes at me and formed a pout on her lips.

"If you love me, you will..." she challenged. I reached over and snatched her glass from her and rolled my eyes as I huffed and marched off towards the kitchen.

'Women!' I said loudly and heard them protest as I snickered and opened the refrigerator.

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Brian's POV

I was grateful for the high from performing at Live Aid. It helped carry me through until I was leaving for Munich. Part of me felt terribly guilty for not wanting to be home. I missed Jimi and I know he misses me. He is now so engrossed in school and his activities; I don't think he really missed me the same way I did him. So used to me being gone at times for work. Growing quite accustomed to Chrissie being there for him. I liked the idea of that and then hated it as well. Almost feeling like he sometimes liked her more than me. And then I hated myself for even thinking it. For resenting Chrissie for it.

Chrissie. She was 7 months pregnant now and absolutely glowing. She loved being pregnant and seemed to enjoy every moment of it. Her energy level remained and she reveled in taking care of Jimi and preparing for her baby's arrival. I sat and listened to her update me on the latest plans before I flew out in the morning. How the furniture for the baby's room was being delivered next week and the painters would be done a few days beforehand. The baby's room was next to ours and was currently filling up with clothes, toys and other necessities.

"My girlfriends are throwing me a shower on the 15th..." Chrissie informed me. I nodded as I watched her point at the calendar in front of her. "When are you flying back?" she questioned as she eyed the rest of September.

"Probably right before then..." I responded. Freddie's birthday was the 5th and there were plans for a big party in Munich. I planned to go with Roger. "I will arrange to come home on the 12th..." I proposed. Chrissie penciled this in on the calendar and then stopped and looked down at her stomach. Smiling widely as she ran her hand over it. Looking up at me.

"The baby is kicking..." she stated. I reached over and she placed my hand where she knew I would feel it. There was movement under the skin and I smiled at the sensation. Sharing a warm smile with her. It felt nice.

"Still think it's a girl?" I asked her. She smiled wider and nodded as she rubbed her hand over her belly.

"Yes..." she answered. "We need to decide on a name..." she reminded me. I nodded agreement.

"I know..." I told her. "I think we should wait until the baby is here and see what fits..." I repeated to her from having this conversation before.

"That's because you think it is a boy?" Chrissie questioned. I shrugged.

"I don't know..." I told her honestly. "How about you make a short list of names for boys and girls and I will make one as well...we can go over it when I get back..." I suggested. Wanting to steer this conversation away from a disagreement.

"Okay...but promise you will have a list..." Chrissie responded. I nodded and stood up. Needing to finish packing for my trip.

"I promise...I've got to finish packing..." I announced as I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead and turned to go upstairs. I heard Chrissie get up behind me and then realized she was following me. We went up the stairs and I went slow for her sake.

"I laid out those clothes from the dryer..." she remarked as we went into our shared bedroom. I closed the door so we wouldn't disturb Jimi. It was a school night.

"Thanks..." I told her and proceeded to finish packing. Chrissie disappeared into the bathroom and I heard the shower. I got my suitcase packed and carried it downstairs. Thinking about tomorrow and being with my husband. Looking forward to some amorous activity. I went back upstairs and walked into the bedroom. Chrissie was already in bed and was smiling at me. She patted my side of the bed and I walked over as she watched me.

I undressed and sat down on the bed and then felt Chrissie shuffle up behind me. Wrapping her arms around me. "I know I haven't been in the mood lately..." she stated as she squeezed my waist. "I thought maybe we could do something tonight..." she proposed. Her hand ran down my middle and went to the waistband of my briefs. Clearly indicating she was interested in sex.

I had not bothered to tell Chrissie about the plans I had with Roger. For some reason it felt like it was none of her business. When I was home, I was with her. Being companions and preparing to be parents. When I was away for work, I felt like what happened then was something she didn't need to know. Probably didn't want to know. She had not been interested in sex for months, so I had let go of the expectation and found solace in the shower alone or the few precious times I had been with Roger. It was almost irritating that she was making the offer now.

"Chrissie..." I began to say and then felt her hand slide into my briefs. She wrapped her hand around my soft cock and gripped it. I felt her press kisses to my back and it made me shiver at the sensation. Her hand began stroking me and I was growing harder. It felt good.

Before I knew it we were both naked and going at it. She ended up on her side with me behind her. Pushing in and holding her as I began to move inside her. I had given in to my base needs and felt an odd sense of deja vu at fucking her in this position. One I particularly enjoyed with Roger. I knew that pregnant women liked this same position because of their growing belly. I tried to focus on being in the moment and reached up to stroke her breasts. Chasing a release.

I forgot how quiet she can be and was surprised when she made a groaning sound and pushed me away and turned me to get me on my back. She was then straddling my waist and placing my cock back inside her. Looking down at me as she began moving. I held her by the hips and rocked with her. Mindful of the large belly resting on top of me now. Chrissie's face showed extreme arousal and she actually began whimpering a bit as she rolled her body against mine. She leaned forward and pressed her hands against my chest. Closing her eyes and appearing intense before letting out a guttural sound. It made me slam up into her and she moaned at the feeling. I could tell she was getting off and clenched her hips as I repeatedly forced her down on me. She cried out and her mouth fell open and her eyes were wide. I knew she was coming and we both pounded at each other to finish.

When we were done she collapsed against me and I gently helped her roll off of me. She was panting and rubbing her thighs together and her eyes were half open. A light laugh left her as she reached for her discarded nightgown.

"They were right..." Chrissie remarked as she worked to get her nightgown back over her head.

"Right about what?" I questioned as she adjusted the gown around her hips and over her belly. She appeared a little embarrassed.

"You get horny..." she confessed. I smiled at her and she leaned over to share a kiss. I gave her one and she then collapsed back on the bed and rolled over. "I'm ready to sleep..." she announced and I scooted off the bed to go to the bathroom. Feeling mixed emotions as she pulled the blanket over her and I closed the bathroom door.

I stood and looked at my naked form in the mirror. There were marks on my chest from where her nails had dug in a little. I hoped they would fade before tomorrow. I ran my hand over them and sighed. I relieved myself and got cleaned up and then had the urge to take a shower. I turned on the water and stepped in and began to rinse myself off. Wondering if this was a one-time event tonight or if there might be a shift in things with Chrissie going forward.

I scrubbed myself clean and then toweled off and padded to the bed. Chrissie was sound asleep as I slipped in next to her and felt so strange about being with her right now and being with Roger tomorrow.

25th August 1985

Roger's POV

"Be good for Dom..." I told my daughter as I hugged her and pressed a kiss to her forehead. She smiled at me.

"Love you..." Tiger Lily replied. I smiled back.

"Love you too..." I told her and released my grip on her. Dom smiled at me and I leaned in and gave her a kiss.

"Have a safe trip..." Dom said.

"Thanks again for keeping Tigs for me..." I stated. Dom nodded and wrapped her arm around my daughter.

"She's no trouble Rog..." she reminded me. Mia was having a nice holiday with some friends and enjoying some time off while Tigs is out of school. Since the baby arrives in October, it was a good time for her to get a break from us all. I picked up my carry on and saluted them both.

"See you in a few weeks..." I told them and turned to head off. Crystal was waiting in the car and I climbed in next to him to ride to the airport.

"Everything going as planned?" I asked him. He nodded and proceeded to drive me to the airfield to catch my plane.

"A car will pick you both up at the airfield in Munich..." Crystal advised and gestured at a large envelope. I peered inside and found some papers and a key. It was a copy of the key to Freddie's flat for us to use.

"We will meet you at the hotel around 2pm..." I replied. We talked about the upcoming studio session and the next few months until we arrived at the private airfield. Crystal pulled the car up close to the plane and got out with me. Collecting my suitcase from the boot as he followed me up the stairs. I stepped in the plane to find Brian seated and enjoying a beer. He smiled at me.

"Hey..." he said in a friendly voice as I handed my luggage off to the stewardess. She greeted me and went to stow it in the back. Crystal bid us goodbye and the stewardess brought me a beer before excusing herself to join the pilot in the cockpit. She closed the tiny door and I instantly leaned over and shared a lingering kiss with my husband.

"Happy anniversary..." I whispered as we shared another kiss.

"Happy anniversary..." Brian whispered back. We pulled back from each other and then clinked our beer bottles together. Sharing a hopeful smile about our planned secret celebration.

"To us!" Brian said and I nodded agreement before taking a drink.

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Tiger Lily's POV

"I was thinking we could go see that movie called 'Starman.'" I told Lulu on the telephone. We were having our usual bedtime phone call. Dom had gone to bed early and I was up late watching music videos on television. I had called Lulu around midnight. Feeling rebellious at the late hour. I was laying on my stomach on the bed in Dom's guest room and kicking my legs back and forth.

"Is that the one you wanted to see so you and your Dad could talk about it?" Lulu questioned. I had told my Father I would see them film so we could discuss it over the phone. It was another thing we couldn't actually do in person thanks to my horrid grandfather.

"Yes..." I confirmed.

"I want to see the new James Bond film..." Lulu countered. I grinned and twisted the phone cord around my fingers. Remembering the film title and the song being done by one of Lulu's favorite groups.

"You just want to see it because Duran Duran did the song for it!" I said accusingly. Smirking at the scoffing sound she made in response.

"That is just partially true..." Lulu admitted. "Hey...why hasn't Queen done a Bond theme?" she asked me. It was a curious question.

"I don't know..." I answered. "I can ask my Pops when he gets back..." I responded.

The door to my room suddenly opened and Dom came walking in clutching her stomach. She was pale and her face was screwed up with pain and she looked at me with pleading eyes.

"I need you to call an ambulance..." she told me in a shaky voice. My heart began hammering in my chest as she gripped the edge of the dresser next to the door. Clearly looking like she might faint.

"I've got to go!" I shouted in the phone and jumped from the bed to catch her as she began to fall.

Chapter Text

26th August 1985

Munich

Roger's POV

"Want some more?" I asked Brian as I brought the bottle of wine over to the bed. He smiled and nodded as I leaned over and filled his glass with the remaining liquid. I set the bottle down on the floor and kept hold of my own glass. Sliding back over to lay next to my husband.

"This is really good stuff..." Brian remarked as he took a sip.

"Freddie said to help ourselves to his store..." I reminded him. "He's got some good stuff in there..." I remarked. We both sat up against the tall headboard and finished our wine. Enjoying the flavor and savoring the quiet time together. We had arrived on time in Munich and the waiting car whisked us straight to Freddie's residential building. The front door key worked and we were soon pulling off our clothes as we made our way into the bedroom. Both of us budding with desire for each other. Each of us taking a turn at the other and ending up quite sated and quite thirsty when we finished.

"I can order some food in..." I proposed. Feeling the stirring of hunger in my stomach. Brian smiled at me.

"I could eat..." he said. I got up from the bed and walked naked back into the living room. Taking the empty wine bottle with me and tossing it as I pulled open the drawer with the local food services listings inside. Phoebe had left detailed instructions for us and I appreciated it as I looked over the restaurants that delivered locally.

I ordered us some Italian food and headed back to the bedroom. Brian had pulled out his writing notebook. I grabbed my cigarettes as I took a seat next to the balcony door. Cracking it open to smoke while Brian picked up a writing pen.

"What are you working on?" I asked him. He kept his eyes on the notebook.

"I'm not sure yet..." he answered as he wiggled the pen in his hands. "You got anything for tomorrow's session?" he asked me back. I smiled at him and crossed my legs.

"Of course I do!" I told him with a smug face. Thinking of the lyrics I had jotted down after reading a book about America in the 60's and being inspired by Martin Luther King. The words from his 'I Have A Dream' speech had left me full of a lot of ideas I felt would make a good song.

"It's nice to be back here for a few weeks..." Brian remarked as he looked up at me from his notebook. "It's not my favorite place to be...but you're here..." he told me sweetly. I took a drag from my cigarette.

"I know we've taken some risks lately...but we've been careful...I'm sure we can manage some more time together before we go back home..." I said to reassure Brian. He seemed to like my words.

"I have to admit that I find it funny we haven't heard from your father..." Brian remarked. "I figured he was getting regular reports from whoever it is he hired as his spy..."

"I know what you mean..." I responded. "I was certain he would take great pleasure in calling me and reminding me what a disappointment I am..." I told Brian. He leaned back against the headboard and closed his notebook. He seemed to be thinking about something as he looked at me intently.

"What if his story about having a mole was a lie?" Brian suddenly proposed to me. "What if there isn't really someone spying on us and he just said it to toy with us?" he questioned. My mind spun at the consideration. For some reason it made sense. I almost fell back as I realized this was a possibility. We had never discovered who the mole was and my father's failure to call and berate me about my activities left me wondering if this was the case.

"Fuck!" I gasped as sat up and ground my cigarette into the nearby ashtray. "You might be right!" I told him as I stood up and began pacing the floor. Trying to figure out if this was the truth and what it meant. Running my hand over my shoulder as I mulled it over. Brian seemed to believe it was a possibility by the expression on his face. I felt a sense of elation at the idea but also a tide of anger. Being toyed with all this time made my stomach burn.

"Do you really think it's a possibility?" Brian asked me. Hope in his face. I stopped pacing and looked at him with my hands on my hips.

"Maybe!" I responded and made a huffing sound. "If we've fucking been played this whole time..." I began to rant. Feeling like I might explode if it turns out to be true. Brian got up from the bed and came towards me.

"But if there is no mole...we could be together!" Brian pointed out in a desperate voice. He came up and took my hands in his as he looked into my eyes. I could see the need he had for this to be true. I hoped it was. I just didn't know how we could be sure.

"We need to figure out how we know for certain..." I told him. Trying to keep my head as we dealt with this promising possibility. Brian nodded and smiled at me. Reaching out and running his long finger gently over my cheek.

"We'll find a way..." he said with a promise in his eyes. We leaned in for a kiss and felt like things might turn a corner for us. My head filled with images of us as a whole family again. More secret than ever; but together.

"We will..." I agreed and kissed him again. We were jarred from our moment by the telephone ringing. I broke away from him and walked over to answer it. I hoped it was for Freddie and I could just tell them he would be in tomorrow. I grabbed the receiver but kept my eyes on my husband.

"Hello..."

"Roger! It's Clare!" my sister announced in a somewhat panicked voice. My mind instantly went to something being wrong with my mother. I steeled myself.

"What is it?" I replied and swallowed as she answered.

"It's Dominique...she's been taken to the hospital and you need to come home..." Clare told me clearly but in a strained voice. I wondered if something had happened to her or the baby and my stomach dropped.

"Is she?" I began to ask. My sister cut me off.

"Dom fell ill and they said they might have to take the baby..." Clare stated. "I've already called and arranged for a plane..." she began to tell me as I felt Brian come up behind me and wrap his arms around me. He knew something was wrong from my voice and probably my face. "I also have a car on its way to you now..." she advised. I nodded and tried to keep it together as I considered the horrible things that might happen. To Dom or the baby. Or both.

"Okay..." I muttered back. "Thanks Clare..." I added and hung up the phone.

"What's happened?" Brian instantly asked me as he held me in his arms. I gripped his hands at my waist. The reality of what I was just told sinking in.

"It's Dom...she's sick and in the hospital...they might have to take the baby..." I repeated numbly as Brian clenched me harder.

"Oh Rog!" he said in a fretful voice. I pulled myself free from him and went straight for my suitcase. Walking out into the living room to get it. Needing to get going so I could get home to her.

"I've got to go..." I said as I found it and lifted it on to the sofa to open it and get something to wear. Brian followed me and went for his own case. I focused on quickly getting dressed and decided to not worry about my luggage. I sat down to get my socks and shoes on. "There is a car coming for me and a plane has been arranged..." I told him as he also began dressing.

"Do you want me to go with you?" he asked. Part of me wanted him to but I also knew that I didn't need the additional stress of managing the public and the press right now if they saw us together. I shook my head as I slid my shoe on.

"No...stay here and work on the record..." I advised him. "Let me see what is going on and I'll come back as soon as I can..." I stood up and went straight to my carry-on bag. Making sure I had my wallet and passport.

"You sure?" Brian asked me. I looked up at him and saw the worry in his face.

"Yeah...let me just go deal with this and I will call you when I know more..." I stated. Brian came up and pulled me into a hug.

"I'm sure everything will be okay..." he said calmly. It was surprising to find him calm. Usually, he was the frantic one. Getting this support from him was reassuring.

"I know..." I replied. We stood for a moment holding each other and the buzzer sounded. I was certain it was the doorman for the building announcing the car. "I've got to go..." I stated and kissed him quickly before getting my carry-on bag. Brian answered the buzzer for me as I checked my unkempt hair in the mirror. It was an absolute mess. I was grateful for my toiletry kit in my bag as Brian opened the door for me.

"Call me when you can..." Brian said as I prepared to walk out. I stopped and kissed him again. Hating that our time together was cut short. "Tell Dom I am thinking of her and praying that everything is okay..." he said. I was struck by him saying he would pray but disregarded it as I sped out the door.

"I will..." I called over my shoulder as I felt the growing need to get home and make sure everything really was okay.

-----------------------------------------

I couldn't help but recall the time I had to rush back home because Brian was seriously ill and taken to the hospital. The traumatic memory of that time filled me up as I traveled from Munich to London. Having no real luggage made customs faster and I was soon heading for the hospital in a taxi. The driver didn't recognize me but was aware my need to get to the hospital as fast as possible was serious.

I ran from the taxi through the entrance door of the hospital. Stopping at the information desk and given guidance to the right place. I stepped off the lift to find the waiting area across from it and Clare seated there with Tiger Lily. Both looking tired but glad to see me. My daughter came rushing up as tears filled her eyes and I pulled her into my arms.

"You okay?" I asked her as I felt her squeeze me tight. I wondered if something had happened during my trip.

"I'm okay...just glad you're here..." she told me. She pulled back and I gave her a kiss on her wet cheek.

"Me too..." I replied and glanced over at Clare. "How is she?" I asked with trepidation. Clare came up and hugged on us both. It worried me.

"They are doing tests to figure out what is wrong...it's been a while so I'm hoping the doctor will come in soon with some news..." Clare stated. I nodded understanding as Tigs released her hold on me. I got seated on the small sofa with my daughter and held her close as we waited. There was no one else in the waiting area and I was grateful. We sat in silence for about 10 minutes and a nurse appeared in the doorway.

"Are you Roger?" she asked me and I stood up and nodded. She gestured for me to follow her. "Please come with me..." she advised.

"I am Nurse Travers and Dr. Bowen is our physician today..." she explained as we walked through some doors into the main ward. "We've got some test results and Dom asked if you had arrived..." she advised. I was glad to hear Dom was awake. I took it as a good sign.

"Alright.." I replied as she knocked on the door to room 406 and we stepped inside. Dom was laid out in the hospital bed and already had two IV's and some kind of monitor on her stomach. The low sound of a steady beep filled the room. There was another nurse standing next to her taking her blood pressure. I noticed that Dom was pale and visibly ill. It frightened me. She was normally so healthy and vibrant. I walked over to her quickly as the nurse stepped away.

"I made it!" I declared as I went up and bent down to press a kiss to her forehead.

"I'm so glad you're here..." she said as I took the chair next to her bed and grabbed her hand.

"How are you?" I asked as I took a good look at her. She found a small smile for me.

"I'm feeling better than when I first got here..." she replied and her free hand came up and rested on top of her stomach. Next to the monitor that was apparently the baby's heartbeat. It sounded steady.

"Do they know what is wrong?" I questioned.

"The doctor should be here any minute..." the nurse advised before Dom could answer. The door to the room opened and an older man in a white lab coat came in wearing a warm smile.

"Hello..." he said politely as I stood up and turned to meet him. "I'm Dr. Bowen and you must be the father..." he stated. I nodded.

"Yes...Roger Taylor..." I replied as we shook hands. The doctor let go and went to the small sink in the room to wash his hands.

"I'm glad you here..." he said as he turned and smiled at Dom. "We can discuss the results and what plan of action we should take..." he advised. He didn't appear too dour so I hoped it was something manageable. I returned to the seat next to Dom and took her hand again.

"What did the tests show?" Dom asked with clear concern. The doctor grabbed a paper towel to dry his hands. He gave her an earnest expression.

"I am still waiting on another test, but I am fairly certain we are dealing with an infection..." Dr. Bowen revealed. "I believe you have contracted listeria..." he explained. I tried to recall this specific condition from my biology days. It seemed to be something people often contracted. I didn't know how that worked with a pregnancy.

"I know it's a common infection...what does it mean with pregnancy?" I questioned. Dr. Bowen came around and stood on the other side of the bed and formed a stoic expression.

"It can be quite serious, I'm afraid..." he answered. "In the average person it generally can cause flu like symptoms and can be easily treated with antibiotics..." he explained. "When you're pregnant it can make the mother quite ill and can also have serious consequences for the baby..." he advised. Dom went to sit up a little in bed. Alarmed at the news.

"I do feel better than when I arrived..." Dom pointed out to the doctor. "Does that mean things will be okay for the baby?" she questioned. "Do I just need to take antibiotics and rest?" she asked with growing concern.

"We are starting antibiotics and are monitoring you and the baby closely..." Dr. Bowen advised. "If we've caught this early then it might just be a matter of clearing up the infection and you can continue on with your pregnancy..." he told her. "But if we find the infection has spread to the baby or you become worse...we are looking at having to deliver early..." he warned and his face formed a stern look. "I will be honest with you Miss Beyrand..." he said and glanced at me for a moment before looking back at her. "The possibility of miscarriage or stillbirth is quite high and if you deliver your baby and it survives...it may have problems once it is born..." he told us both. I felt a heaviness in my chest at the news and gripped Dom's hand as she absorbed the information. We shared a look of worry between us.

"When we will know more?" I asked. The doctor began to explain what would happen and the wait for further tests. They would start the antibiotics and monitor Dom and the baby closely. The next day or two would be critical. It was going to be a waiting game to see if Dom kept feeling better or if things turned. We would also see what happened with the baby's health.

I had been in this situation before with Brian. Having to wait to see what outcome awaited us. It was agony. And the idea of a helpless unborn baby as part of the equation made it worse. The doctor left with a promise to check in hourly and I was tasked with making some phone calls and informing my sister and my daughter of the situation. I dreaded it.

---------------------------------------

I felt drained after hanging up the phone with my mother. After updating Clare and Tiger Lily they left to get some rest and I stayed with Dom as she called her own family to advise them what was going on. Her mother had planned to come for an extended visit when the baby was due in October. Now she was preparing to arrive as soon as possible. Now my own mother knew the situation and she and Trevor would be driving in tonight. I dialed another phone number and ran my hand over my face. I had found a phone booth down the hall and was grateful for the privacy for this call.

"Mercury residence..."

"Hey Phoebe...it's Rog..."

"Hang on...I'll get Brian for you..." Phoebe instantly said as I leaned against the side of the booth and waited.

"How is she? How is the baby?" Brian asked as soon as he picked up the phone.

"They are both stable for the moment..." I said and began to tell him what we knew. He listened and made sounds of concern as I spoke. I unloaded on him in a way I couldn't with the others. Feeling tears forming at the possibilities as I explained them. Telling him it was hard to tell Tiger Lily that her new brother or sister might be in danger and we had to wait and see what happens.

"I'm just trying to keep it together...you know..." I rambled to him.

"You're strong Rog...you can handle this..." Brian assured me. "If you need to vent, just call me...or any of us..." he reminded me. "We are here for you..." I felt fortified hearing it, but it felt odd that he wasn't here. He isn't a part of this. The reminder of my father's interference in my life made me hate him even more.

"Thanks..." I replied as I tried to ignore my feelings about my father. They had no bearing on the situation at hand.

"I don't know when I can make it back to the studio..." I advised. "I don't want to leave Dom right now..." I told him.

"Don't even worry about that..." Brian responded. "We can postpone it..." he reminded me. I nodded agreement.

"I know..." I replied and let out a sigh. Everything seemed to have fallen apart in the course of a day. Our wedding anniversary of all days.

"It's late Rog...try and get some rest..." Brian suggested.

"I will..." I promised. "I'm sorry our celebration was cut short..." I told him.

"Don't even apologize..." Brian quickly replied. "We were together for a while...just focus on Dom and the baby...and call if you need anything..." he told me.

"I will...thanks Bri..."

"I love you Rog..."

"I love you too..." I replied and hung up.

I returned to Dom's room and found her asleep. I scribbled a note about going for a shower and some food and that I would be back soon. I left it and stopped by to tell the nurse and then got my carry-on bag and headed out.

-------------------------

29th August 1985

London

Crystal's POV

We came back to London. Everyone was distracted by Roger and Dom's situation and the session fell flat. The plan to screen a rough edit of a film they were going to develop some songs for was rescheduled. They decided to have it screened in London instead of Munich. The film director was meeting with our team tomorrow.

Until then, I was focused on helping Roger in whatever way I could. Dominique's mother had arrived from France. Winnie and Trevor came in from Truro. Mia was still gone on holiday so Tiger Lily was put into her grandparent's care so Roger could stay at the hospital. I helped with driving Rog or Dom's mother, Yvette, back and forth from the London flat to the hospital.

I parked the car in the garage across from the hospital and grabbed the takeaway bag on the front seat. I hoofed it across the busy road and went into the hospital. After promising Brian I would look after my boss, I had made a point to grab him some food after running some errands. I walked to the lift and got in and pressed the button for the maternity floor. The door was closing and then it stopped and an older couple stepped inside.

"Could you press for the 3rd floor please?" the woman asked. Her voice was familiar, and I looked at them both and realized it was Brian's parents. I pressed the button and went to say hello but stopped when they began speaking to each other.

"I don't want to do this..." Mr. May stated as his wife gave him a look of disbelief.

"No one wants to do this...but you don't have a choice!" she told him firmly and squeezed his arm. Mr. May sighed and nodded and then pulled out a handkerchief and began to cough in it. I noticed he was carrying a small suitcase and Mrs. May appeared worried as he kept coughing. It occurred to me that he might be having some kind of test or procedure and decided I didn't want to tell them who I was. They didn't need the bother right now. The lift door opened and they stepped out. I hoped everything was okay with them as I rode to the next floor up.

"I got you a sandwich..." I told Rog after finding him in the waiting area. He was there making some phone calls as Yvette sat with Dom. I plopped down next to him and opened the bag as he leaned over to see what I had.

"What kind?" he asked as I pulled out two paper rolled items.

"There is roast beef or roast beef..." I informed him. He smirked at me and grabbed one.

"Want a coke?" he asked me. I nodded as he walked to the vending machine and pulled out some coins. He returned and gave me a can as he took his seat and began to eat.

"Thanks for getting this..." Roger told me after we had both had a few bites.

"No worries..." I replied and took a sip of my drink.

"Anything to report from the mother ship?" Roger asked me.

"That film director will be in for a meeting at 4 tomorrow...but they know you probably can't be there..." I responded.

"It's just a few hours...as long as Dom is still stable, I can probably make it..." Roger advised. "Anything else going on?" he asked. I remembered spotting the Mays in the lift.

"You'll never guess who I was in the lift coming up!" I announced. Roger appeared curious.

"Who?" he questioned.

"Brian's parents..." I answered. His eyebrows raised instantly.

"Did you talk to them?" he asked. I shook my head.

"I was going to, but I think they were here for his Dad to have some kind of test or procedure..." I advised him. "He had a suitcase and they both seemed tense or worried..." I remarked. "I didn't want to bother them under the circumstances..." I explained. Roger appeared concerned.

"Do you know what floor they got off on?" he asked next.

"The third floor..." I replied. Roger was quiet as we finished eating. I could tell he was thinking about what I just told him. I gathered my trash and got up to toss it in the bin.

"Don't tell Brian about this..." Roger suddenly requested. I disposed of my trash and nodded.

"Alright..." I answered.

"I'll tell him..." he advised.

"Okay..." I told him. I pulled out my cigarettes and lit one as Roger finished his meal. He stood up and threw away his trash and then got his own cigarettes out. We both smoked in silence for a bit.

"I need you to do something for me..." he finally said and looked at me with a serious expression. "I need you to contact the estate agent and find me a place in London..." he advised. He proceeded to tell he wanted a place with at least four bedrooms and he needed an office there as well. It wasn't to buy necessarily but he needed a place with room for himself, Tiger Lily, Dom, the baby and Mia. If the baby was born early, they needed to be in London. Close to the doctors and hospital and all of them together. Dom's flat wasn't big enough. I understand what he wanted and nodded.

"I'll make the call..." I answered. Roger put out his cigarette and stood up.

"Thanks..." he told me. "I'm going to check on things..." he advised. I figured I would go ahead and call the estate agent. Someone walked by the waiting room and was coughing. It reminded me of a detail I had left out earlier.

"Hey Rog..." I said as he went to leave. He stopped and looked at me.

"Yeah?"

"I forgot to mention something about Mr. May..." I stated. "He was coughing pretty badly in the lift..." I revealed. Roger's face registered concern again and he nodded.

"Thanks for letting me know..." he said and disappeared down the hall.

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Chapter Text

30th August 1985

London

Brian's POV

"We can wait a bit longer..." Jim advised as I nodded my agreement. I was anxious to see Roger after the events of the past week and he was late arriving for the film screening.

"Thanks..." I told our manager. He walked over and advised the director, Russell Mulcahy and the film producer Peter Davis, we were going to wait for Roger. I leaned back in my seat and tried to relax. I didn't wan't them to think I was unprofessional or that Roger was. I heard Jim briefly explain about Dom and the baby and the men nodded and showed concern in their faces. The door burst open to the screening room and Roger came in with Crystal right behind him.

"I am so sorry!" Roger declared as he walked quickly towards us all. His face expressing his regret.

"It's fine Roger..." Jim assured him with a welcoming smile. "How is Dom doing?" he asked. I could tell Roger felt relieved we had waited.

"She's stable at the moment and the baby is too..." Roger informed him as he saw me and smiled. "We're just taking it day by day at this point..." he advised. Roger shook hands with Russell and Peter and then said hello to Freddie and Deacy. He casually walked over and flopped down in the seat next to mine as Russell stood up to say a few words about the film.

"Hey..." I said to him and reached over and squeezed his thigh. Wanting him to know I was glad to see him. His smile and the look in his eyes told me he was too. We both turned our attention to Russell as he explained the premise of the film. Telling us the tale of the Scotsman who learns he is immortal and who loves a woman who will grow old and die as he lives forever and the battle he must fight over centuries against his foes so he can eventually become the captor of the prize - the power of all immortals through time. Russell started the rough edit of the film he brought along. Giving us a visual to go with the story he just told.

I sat spellbound as I watched the scenes with young Connor and his beautiful blond haired love Heather as they shared a life and much happiness in the 1500's in Scotland. I was taken aback when the next scene showed Connor looking for his wife and finding an older woman coming over the hill towards him. Heather had grown old and he was the same. It was heartbreaking to watch her die as an old woman as he sat helpless. Unable to keep her as he lived on. Forever. Without her.

It struck a chord with me to see this play out on the screen. I had found my happiness with my beautiful blond and we had made a life together. In the film, their love was damaged by the Kurgan and in my life, mine and Roger's love was threatened by his monstrous father. I understood that pain and hoped I might find inspiration to write something about it for the film.

The rough edit ended with a massive battle between Connor and The Kurgan on top of a studio building. Battling for the prize in the final showdown. I remembered the line from earlier where Connor's mentor, played by Sean Connery, had advised 'there can be only one.' It was a compelling action scene and I found it satisfying to watch. I could see Roger was enjoying it as well. I felt good about doing music for this and I hoped the others did too. I got the same good feeling from this project as I had with Flash Gordon. The film ended and the lights came back up. I could see interest in Freddie's face. Deacy was hard to read. Roger and I shared an encouraging look.

"I think we can do this..." I remarked and looked over at Roger.

"I like this...I'm on board...Roger remarked and then we looked at the others.

"I already have some ideas..." Freddie agreed. John simply nodded and we knew he was good with the project. Jim appeared pleased we were all on board.

"I think you've got yourselves a deal!" Jim informed the producer as the director began talking about deadlines and follow up meetings. One we would be having with the film composer Michael Kamen.

"I'd love to continue discussing this over dinner if you're free..." Russell requested. I immediately looked at Roger and he checked his watch.

"I can go...but I can't stay long..." Roger informed the director.

"I'm available..." Deacy advised.

"I can be as well..." Freddie added.

"I'm free..." I told them. Everyone began talking about restaurants. Jim picked up a phone to call for a reservation and Roger took me by the arm.

"I need to tell you something..." he advised. I was curious what it was as he led me from the screening room into the hallway. He saw the bathroom and we went over and stepped inside. Roger leaned against the door as I looked at him intently.

"What is it?" I questioned. "Is it something about Dom?" I asked. I could tell this was something serious by his expression.

"It's not about Dom...have you spoken with your parents lately?" he asked me. I found it an odd question.

"I talked to my mother when I got home from Munich..." I responded. "Why?" I questioned. Roger bit down on his bottom lip and my stomach felt uneasy.

"Crystal saw your parents at the hospital yesterday..." Roger responded. "He was bringing some food back for me and he was in the lift with them..." he explained.

"Did they say why they were there?" I instantly asked him. Curious if they were visiting a sick friend or a relative.

"He was going to speak to them since he recognized them...but he didn't because your father was carrying a suitcase and he said your parents seemed distressed...tense...talking about something that had to be done and your father not wanting to do it..." Roger divulged. My stomach dropped hearing this and I clenched my hands into fists. My head began spinning with possibilities of what this meant.

"Did they say what he was going to have done?" I asked with trepidation. My voice going small. My fear increasing. Roger shook his head but then took a step towards me. He put his hands on my shoulders.

"I don't think we should jump to conclusions..." Roger suggested. "There might a simple explanation for what Crystal saw..." he pointed out. I nodded agreement but the pit of my stomach told me otherwise. I knew my father had struggled to recover from a cold or flu earlier in the year. His smoking sure didn't make that recovery easy. Now this news cemented a fear inside me. I swallowed hard at the reality of it. I almost felt nauseous.

"I'll call my mum tomorrow..." I managed to tell Roger in a somewhat calm voice. He reached up and cupped my cheek. Looking at me with tenderness and concern.

"Don't let your head make you crazy over this..." Roger requested. "Even if your Dad needed something done...it could be a minor thing..." he reminded me. I nodded again. Not wanting him to worry about me. He already was dealing with Dom and the baby. I managed a look of acceptance at his statement.

"It might be something small..." I agreed. Roger smiled and nodded agreement.

"Just call your mum tomorrow..." he repeated. I nodded again. Wanting to believe him but needing to hear from my mother exactly what it was before I could relax about this.

"I will...thanks Rog..." I responded. He leaned in and kissed me and then pulled me into a hug. I felt bad that he was dealing with Dom's situation and then had to tell me this. He didn't need this added stress. "I will let you know what I found out...but I'm sure you're right and it's probably just something routine..." I said to convince him and myself. Roger patted my back.

"Please do let me know..." Roger replied as we parted from our hug and shared another kiss. He kept hold of my hand as he opened the bathroom door. We slowly let go as we walked out to join the others. Roger put his arm around me and I put mine around him. Certainly something band mates could do. It felt comforting as we walked back into the screening room.

"We're heading over to Wilton's..." Jim informed us. Everyone was gathering their things to leave.

"I'd ride with you, but I might need to leave early..." Roger pointed out. I understood and smiled at him.

"It's fine..." I replied. "I'll ride with Jim..." I told him. We all walked to the door to leave and a young man came running up to us.

"There's an urgent call for Mr. Taylor!" he said in a breathless manner. Roger instantly looked at me and then took off to follow the man to the phone. Everyone looked at each other. Well aware it was probably about Dom. We waited for a minute to see if he had news. Roger came out to the lobby and appeared tense.

"I'm afraid I can't join you..." Roger said quickly. "I've got to go back to the hospital..." he announced.

"Is she okay?" I instantly asked him. Roger bit his lower lip. His eyes showing it was serious.

"They said they have to deliver the baby..." he said in a measured tone. I could tell he was just trying to hold it together.

"Oh Roger!" Freddie reacted with concern. "I hope everything goes well...tell Dom we are thinking about her..." he added.

"Yes...please do..." Deacy stated.

"Thanks...I will..." Roger smiled thinly at them both. Appreciating their words.

"Let's go then..." Crystal declared as he held up the car keys to indicate they should leave.

"Call me when you have news..." I requested. Roger nodded at me as he followed Crystal out the front door.

"Do you still want to go to dinner?" Russell questioned. "I understand if you need to deal with this right now..." he remarked. We all looked at each other and knew we were good to go. It was a distraction from the situation and we welcomed it.

"We appreciate that Russell..." Freddie told him. "Let's keep our plans...there won't be news for a while as it is..." he pointed out. I rode with Jim and Deacy. We took off for Wilton's restaurant.

"She's ten weeks out from her due date..." Deacy suddenly stated. I looked over at him. Seeing the worry in his face. "That's pretty early to deliver..." he remarked with concern.

"It is..." I agreed. We all looked at each other. Knowing full well that there was a strong chance the baby might not make it. The ride was a sobering one and I looked forward to a strong drink at the restaurant.

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I was distracted all through the meal but tried to be an attentive part of the gathering. We soon bid farewell to Russell and Peter and got inside our car. Jim had a car phone and tried the hospital for an update as we went to take Deacy home. We both watched Jim as he waited for an answer from the nurse.

"Thank you..." Jim said and hung up the phone. "She was only able to tell me that Dom was still in delivery..." he advised. We all looked subdued at no real news but knew that delivering a baby can sometimes take a long time.

"If you hear from Rog...let me know.." Deacy requested. I smiled at him.

"I will..." I answered. We were quiet and remained that way as we dropped Deacy at home. The car took off towards my home and I suddenly had the urge to call and see if my parents might be home. If their reason for being at the hospital was minor, it was possible they were already home.

"Could I use the phone to call my parents?" I asked Jim. He smiled and gestured at the phone.

"Of course you can..." he responded. I smiled gratefully but felt nervous as I dialed the number. I saw it was just before 10pm so I knew my Mother would answer. If she was home. It rang and then switched over to their answering machine. The one I had bought them not long ago. I didn't leave a message and hung up.

"Thanks..." I told Jim.

"No answer?" Jim commented. It was exactly my reaction to the situation. I had no answer. I simply nodded.

"No answer..." I agreed. Jim started talking about the rough edit of the film again and the idea of immortality from the plotline made me shift to the other spectrum. I couldn't help but think about my father's mortality. He turned 64 in April. He wasn't that old. He hadn't been retired that long. He was too young to die. I felt a shudder inside me at thinking those words. But I couldn't shake the possibility. The inevitability of it.

I had a flash of that scene from the film where Heather is dying in Connor's arms and there is nothing he can do about it. It was inevitable. Anguish filled me as I imagined myself at the side of my father's bed. Him dying and there is nothing I can do. I tried to stop myself from seeing this picture in my head. I practically shook my head to rid myself of it.

"Are you okay?" Jim asked me and touched my arm. I realized I had not been paying attention to him talking and looked up at him. Trying to focus on him instead of the horror in my mind. Then it occurred to me. That spark struck me. And something else entered my thoughts.

"Have you got a pen and some paper?" I asked him. Jim reached over and pulled a notepad and a pen from the back of the seat and handed them to me.

"Feeling inspired?" he questioned. I found a smile for him as I took the pen and began writing down the words that had come to me.

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31st August 1985

London

Roger's POV

I was so grateful to have been there when Clare had given birth to Jimi. Experiencing childbirth is an amazing thing. It should be one of the happiest moments of your life. It was with Jimi. I hoped when this was over, it would be another happy ending. For Dom more than myself.

"Okay now..." the doctor said as he looked Dom in the eyes. "I need this push to be a big one!" he commanded. "You've got to give it your all!" he challenged. I knew Dom was tired and this had been going on for hours. I squeezed her hand.

"You can do this Dom!" I said with belief that she could. She glanced at me and seemed determined. Her face was sweaty and her hair was matted. She was drained but knew she had to keep going. I slid my arm down on her back as she leaned forward and grimaced. Putting everything she had into her push. The nurse opposite of me was also supporting her back. Holding her other hand as we both worked to help her through this.

Dom let out a wailing sound as she pushed. Her face was so screwed up and intense.

"The head is out!" the doctor announced in a satisfied voice. He looked up at Dom and smiled widely at her. "We're almost there Dom!" he told her. Dom nodded and breathed out those panted short breaths as she relaxed a little and laid back. The nurse patted her face with a cloth and I smiled at her.

"You are so close to holding that baby..." I told Dom to keep her motivated. I could see the hope in her eyes that this was true. I kept my confident smile. I had to believe this was how things would end. We shared a look of mutual belief as she prepared to give it another go.

Dom pushed two more times and the doctor pulled the baby from her. She fell back in a slump of exhaustion as the doctor laid the baby on her stomach and inspected it. I could see him rubbing the baby's tummy. Trying to get it to cry.

"Is the baby okay?" Dom asked in a worried and weary voice. Trying to reach for it.

"I'm just massaging to stimulate breathing..." the doctor explained. I knew this would not reassure Dom and squeezed her hand.

"It's okay..." I told her. We both watched as we saw the baby's body twitch and respond to the massage. The baby didn't cry but was moving. An encouraging sign. A nurse took over as the doctor tended to the umbilical cord and then looked up at Dom.

"You have a son...." he announced with a warm smile. Dom and I looked at each other and her face erupted in tears. I was thrilled to hear it was a boy but was more concerned about his well-being than his gender.

"Will he be alright?" she asked the doctor.

"We need to examine him and get him on oxygen...at the moment things look good..." he advised. Dom lifted her arms up.

"Can I see him? Hold him?" she asked. The doctor handed the baby to the nurse who carried him to a waiting incubator and returned his attention to Dom.

"We need to get him examined..." he told her. "Let's get you sorted and you can go down and see him there..." he explained. At that moment we heard a small cry from the baby and a reassuring smile formed on the doctor's face. We all felt relief hearing it.

The doctor began telling Dom he would deliver the placenta and needed to clean her up. She was lucky and didn't have any real tearing due to the baby's small size. I stayed at her side while they handled all this. Our family in the waiting area could do just that. Wait.

"You've got a son Dom..." I told her wearing a happy smile. She managed one back.

"You have two sons now..." she reminded me. I loved that she acknowledged Jimi.

"I do..." I agreed and leaned down and kissed her. "Have you thought of a name for him?" I asked. We had talked about names but been non-committal. Dom had said she would wait until the baby was born to really decide.

"Let me get a look at him in the nursery and I'll know..." she informed me. I nodded agreement.

After she was tended, the nurse helped her into a fresh nightie and a dressing gown. She gently took a seat in a wheelchair, and we headed for the nursery. Both of us anxious to see our little boy. We washed up at the hand washing station and donned paper gowns and went over to his incubator.

Little was the appropriate word. I hadn't realized in the delivery room just how small he was. When he was laid on Dom's stomach, I just focused on him breathing and moving. Now it was evident how tiny he was. He was truly a premature baby. The nurse wheeled Dom right up to the incubator. I helped Dom stand up as the incubator lid was opened for her. Her face lit up as she took in the sight of the tiny little being swaddled in a clean gown. A breathing tube in his nose and a monitor on his chest.

"Bonjour mon petit..." Dom spoke to him in a soft quiet voice. I was touched by the expression on her face. Instant love. I looked down at my son and saw him gazing up with his dark blue eyes barely opened. Wisps of black hair poking out from under a small cap on his head. Dom's hand almost covered his entire body. She gently took hold is his tiny little hand and caressed his head gently with the other. Soaking in the sight of him.

I had to admit that I was falling fast for this little one. Despite his small size and fragile state, he was alive and responsive and real. I reached in and touched his cheek. It was the smallest cheek I had ever seen. Ever felt. It made my heart flutter to make contact with him. I moved my hand down next to Dom's and we both kept contact with him. Wanting to feel he was really here now and he was okay. We had been told if he survived delivery, he might still have some problems. Developmental issues or growth challenges. In this moment, I didn't care. He would be okay as long as he was with the people who loved him. He would be alright. I listened as Dom kept speaking to him in hushed tones. Soothing words she spoke to him in French. They were extra tender and I looked at her in a whole new light as she comforted her little boy. I was confident she would be an amazing mother. He was a lucky little lad.

"What's the French word for lucky?" I asked Dom. She turned and looked at me.

"The root word is 'chance'..." she answered. "Why?" she questioned. I wasn't keen on the name Chance.

"I was just wondering...you now...for his name..." I explained. "He's lucky..." I said and tried to be sensitive. "He's lucky he is here and he is so lucky to have you as his Mum..." I said sincerely. She smiled at me with a knowing look in her eyes. Understanding what I was wanting.

"Then we shall name him Felix..." she replied and I remembered the Latin word the name derived from and knew it was the right one.

"Yes..." I agreed and turned and looked at my son. My lucky little boy. "Hi Felix..." I told him and smiled at knowing he had a name.

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"It's a boy!" I announced to the group of people in the private waiting room. I had arranged for a private area for our family and friends. If you had money, you could pretty much get anything. At times like this, it was a nice thing to have.

"What's his name?" Tiger Lily asked me as she came up and threw her arms around me.

"We've named him Felix..." I announced. "He's pretty small...but he's doing well...Dom is good too..." I advised everyone. Pressing a kiss to my daughter's head. Feeling relieved that things had turned out okay.

"When can we see the baby?" my mother questioned.

"When can I see Dominique?" Dom's mother asked at the same time.

"They are getting Dom settled into a private room and you probably can't see Felix until they finish with him...they are running a lot of tests..." I explained. "I can take you to see Dom in a few minutes..." I told Yvette.

"You said he was small...how much does he weigh?" Clare asked me.

"He's 3 pounds and 6 ounces..." I revealed. Everyone appeared shocked by the news.

"My goodness!" my mother exclaimed with alarm. "How long is he?" she questioned.

"41 centimeters..." I advised.

"So tiny!" Yvette remarked as her and my mother shared a look of concern.

"The doctor said he is doing well considering and they are running all sorts of tests..." I assured them. "We'll know more about his overall health in a day or two..." I advised. Tiger Lily looked up at me with worry in her eyes.

"He's going to be okay...isn't he?" she asked me. I smiled at her. It seemed like we were past the worst of it. He had survived the birth.

"He's going to be just fine!" I assured her. Hoping I was right. She smiled at me and hugged me closer. I hugged her back. It felt good after a stressful night.

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1st September 1985

London

Brian's POV

I hadn't slept well and could not stop thinking about my father. I also was worried about Dominique and her baby. I tossed and turned as a result. After realizing sleep was not going to happen for me, I got up and went to my music room. Finishing some work on the song I began last night. Finding some notes on the piano to add a melody.

I woke up on the sofa in the living room. Having somehow managed to get there late in the night. I heard some sounds downstairs and got up to find Chrissie and Jimi in the kitchen. She was making breakfast and had the small television turned on. It was doing an update about a plane crash that occurred in Manchester a few days earlier.

"Good morning..." Chrissie told me when she turned around and saw me lingering in the doorway. Jimi looked up from his bowl of cereal and smiled at me.

"Morning..." I replied and walked in and went for a cup to make some tea.

"Do you want something to eat?" Chrissie asked. I wasn't hungry.

"No..thanks..." I told her and prepared my cup. I went to take a seat next to Jimi and the phone rang. "I've got it!" I told Chrissie as she began moving towards it. She was much slower these days with her larger tummy. She absolutely looked every bit of her 8 months of pregnancy. I picked up the phone and hoped it was Roger or my mother.

"Hello..."

"Hey Bri...it's me..." I was thrilled to hear Roger's voice but noted he sounded tired.

"How is Dom? The baby?" I immediately asked him.

"Both are good..." Roger responded. "Felix was born around 11:45 last night..." he advised. I felt Chrissie come up behind me. I knew she was worried about them.

"So both of them are fine?" I asked Roger as I looked at Dom. She understood I was trying to tell her their status.

"Yeah...Dom managed to deliver him naturally and he's stable..." Roger explained. I gave a thumbs up to Chrissie and mouthed 'it's a boy' to her. She appeared relieved.

"That's such good news Rog..." I told him with my own relief.

"Christ..he's so small!" Roger remarked with a touch of dismay. "He's not much bigger than my bloody hand!" he told me. Chrissie had told me the baby would be very small at that stage but viable.

"And you named him Felix?" I asked him.

"Yeah...it means lucky...you know...he's so lucky to be alive..." Roger said with some emotion. I knew he must be exhausted and emotionally drained after the past week.

"He is..." I replied. "Tell Dom congratulations and we wish her and Felix all the best..." I told him sincerely.

"I will Bri..." Roger responded.

"Go get some rest...you sound tired..." I suggested.

"I'm wiped out..." he agreed. "I will call you later and we can talk some more..." he advised.

"Alright..." I replied. "I love you..." I said and felt weird saying it with Chrissie holding my arm. She let go of it when she heard my words and walked back to the counter.

"I love you too babe..." Roger replied and hung up the phone. I ignored Chrissie and looked over at Jimi. He was looking at me.

"They had a boy?" Jimi asked me. I nodded.

"They did..." I confirmed. Jimi picked up his spoon and resumed eating. Like it wasn't any big deal. I wondered if he was somehow hurt by the news.

"You okay?" I questioned. Jimi shrugged as he ate. I knew something was the matter and took the seat next to his. Touching his arm.

"It's okay if you're feeling weird or upset about it..." I informed him. "It's weird for me too..." I confessed. Jimi looked at me then and I saw him bite his lower lip.

"I guess Papa has one of each now..." Jimi remarked. "He doesn't need me anymore..." he said and tried to sound dismissive about it. I could tell it hurt him.

"Jimi...your Papa will always need you...want you..." I instantly responded. "Just like I will..." I added. I reached over and put my hand on top of his shoulder. Trying to offer some comfort. He kept eating and avoided looking at me. I wasn't sure what to say. "No matter how many children either of us have...you all matter equally..." I stated. Wanting him to know even with the new baby about to arrive in this house, it didn't diminish his worth.

"Can I go see the baby?" Jimi asked. I felt this was a good thing that he wanted to see him. "What's his name again?" he questioned. If seeing the baby helped Jimi, then we would risk the visit. Michael Taylor be damned!

"They named him Felix..." I answered. "It means lucky..." I explained. "He's lucky to be alive after being born so early..." I told him. "When we are able to see him...we can go...alright?" I said next. Wanting to appease him somehow. Jimi nodded as he set down his spoon.

"Okay..." Jimi replied and seemed a bit happier. "I'm going to Ian's..." he announced as he pulled his chair back and stood up. "His Mum is taking us to the arcade..." he advised.

"Do you need some money?" I asked him. Jimi nodded so I got up and went to find my wallet. I had no idea where I had left it and felt a little panicked. Chrissie came into my office as I searched my drawers.

"I gave him some money..." she advised me. "Your wallet is upstairs on your dresser..."

"Oh...thanks..." I replied and felt relieved it wasn't lost. I went out to say goodbye and found he had already gone. I stood there in my pajamas and saw him rolling down the sidewalk on his skateboard towards Ian's house through the front window. Chrissie came up and stood next to me.

"It's such good news that Dom and the baby are well..." she remarked. "We should send some flowers..." she suggested. I liked the idea.

"We should..." I told her with a bit of a smile. She smiled back.

"I'll call the florist..." she offered. I nodded agreement.

"Okay.." I answered.

"You sure you don't want anything to eat?" she asked me. I shook my head and kept looking out the window. I thought about how hard it is to be a father sometimes and then remembered my own father. I needed to find out what was going on.

"I've got to run some errands..." I told Chrissie.

"Alright..." she answered. "Will you be back for lunch?" I smiled at her.

"I should be..." I replied and headed upstairs to get cleaned up. I was soon in my car driving straight for my parents' home. I didn't bother calling because I needed to see him for myself. I arrived and parked on the street and noted their drive was empty. I took a chance and went to the door and rang the bell. There was no answer. With the car gone, I assumed they were still at the hospital.

I drove the hospital and parked and went inside. I walked to the information desk and hoped no one recognized me. A nurse was stationed there and looked up at me and smiled.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"I need to know which room Harold May is staying in please...." I requested.

"Do you know which floor he is on?" she queried. I recalled Roger saying it was the floor just below maternity. I looked at the floor guide and saw that was the 4th floor.

"Third floor I believe..." I advised. She ran her finger over a listing and then looked up at me.

"He's in room 317..." she stated. "You can use the lifts over there..." she advised and pointed down the hall.

"Thank you..." I replied and caught a lift going up. I felt more anxious as the car rose. Getting closer to an answer and having to face whatever truth it is. The bell sounded to announce I had arrived, and the doors opened. I tentatively stepped out and felt my stomach churning as I walked down the hallway. It was quite cold, and I felt a shiver go through me as I found a sign indicating where the rooms were.

I turned to head for 317 and saw a nurse walking with an older man. He was wearing a robe and slippers and had a tube hanging from his arm. He was hunched over and appeared quite frail. The nurse was wheeling his IV stand as they walked. She smiled at me and I smiled back. Trying to keep myself together as I imagined that being my father. I swallowed down the thought.

I found the room and took a deep breath as I knocked on the closed door. Hoping everything I feared inside me about this was unwarranted and he was here for some minor procedure.

"Come in..." a voice responded. I knew that voice. It belonged to my mother. I opened the door and looked inside. The bed was empty, and my mother was standing by the window arranging some flowers in a vase. She saw me and her face registered surprise and alarm. "Brian..." she said with her shock at seeing me present in her voice. "How did you?" she said in disbelief at seeing me.

"Crystal saw you and Dad in the lift the other day..." I explained. Revealing how I knew they were there. "Where is he?" I asked her. "Why is he here?" I questioned. My mother came towards me and seemed to be trying to keep it together. I could see she was crumbling underneath and my heart started hammering in my chest. I knew it was bad.

"He's gone to radiation..." she answered as she stopped in front of me and took my hands in hers. Tears forming in her eyes. "He's got cancer Brian...it's in his lungs..."

Chapter Text

A/N - I just want to remind everyone that I am not a medical expert and I am speculating on details regarding known facts. I know that Felix was actually born 10 weeks premature, but do not know the details surrounding it. I know that Brian's father had lung cancer but there are no real details known about his illness. Please keep this in mind when reading. Thanks.

1st September 1985

London

Brian's POV

My father has lung cancer. It was my worst imagined fear as a child, and it had come to fruition. I looked at my mother with a mix of disbelief and growing anger. I let go of her hands and took a step back from her. Not really wanting to accept what she had told me and still knowing it was the truth. It made sense despite me not wanting to believe it. The lingering cough he'd had since last Christmas. Being more tired than usual. His appetite not what it once was. I had not seen him as much as I'd like to in the past year but had seen enough and heard enough from my mother to know the signs were there.

"How bad is it?" I finally asked my mother. Saying the words brought with it a semblance of acceptance. My mother looked at me intently.

"They said it's only in his lungs and there was talk about removing one of them..." she advised. I tried to imagine only having one lung and it felt daunting. I knew both of his lungs couldn't be in great shape since he had smoked all of his adult life. "Your father told them he didn't want that and would agree to treatment..." she explained. "He's having radiation right now and there is talk of chemotherapy..." she advised.

"What are his chances?" I asked with trepidation. Knowing he wouldn't have any surgery, I felt he was limiting his chance at a longer life. My mother's face was solemn as she looked at me.

"Not the best I'm afraid..." she told me truthfully. The reality of him having limited time on this earth set in as I looked in her eyes. Seeing the sorrow those words brought to my mother. I took a step towards her and pulled her into my arms. Needing to comfort her and wanting her comfort in return. I ignored the space inside me that was angry at my father for smoking all those years and focused on my mother. She was losing her husband and there was nothing she could do about it.

"I wish you would have told me..." I whispered to her. Despite wanting to shout and scream at her for keeping this from me, I knew that emotion was not what she needed right now. I held her tight in my arms.

"I'm sorry Brian..." she said back. "Your father didn't want you troubled with this until we knew what the treatment might offer him..." she explained. "I wanted to respect his wishes..." she advised. "Please know that I would have told you otherwise..." she assured me.

"I know you would..." I agreed and tried to understand my father's reasoning and my mother wanting to honor his request.

"You've got so much you're dealing with right now and he didn't want to add to your worries..." she stated. I understand that to a point.

"That doesn't mean I don't worry about him anyway..." I pointed out. "Or you for that matter..." I reminded her. "How are you doing with all this?" I questioned. My mother loosened her hold on me and let out a weary sigh. She sniffled as she reached for the ever-present tissue she kept tucked inside the pocket of her cardigan.

"I'm soldiering through..." she replied and tried to smile as she wiped at her tear-stained eyes. "I don't have a choice really..." she remarked as she clenched the wet tissue in her hand.

"I want you to know I will be there for you both...whatever you need..." I told her. "If there is a private doctor or clinic that might offer him a better chance...don't worry about the cost..." I advised. She nodded as she looked at me.

"I know dear...you'll gladly pay for whatever the doctors suggest..." she said as she reached up and touched my face with her hand.

"I will..." I promised.

"Your father knows..." she replied. "It's early days so we don't know what all that will entail..." she pointed out. "But if they suggest anything...I will make sure your father doesn't consider the cost in his decision..." she assured. I smiled hearing it.

"Good!" I told her. She walked back over to the table where the flowers were and resumed arranging them.

"He's due back soon..." she announced as she glanced at the clock on the wall. "I don't think he is ready to talk to you about all this..." she told me plainly. "Please let me tell him you know once he's in a better place and I'll have you come to the house when he's back home..." she requested.

I wanted nothing more than to see him right now. But I knew she was right. It wouldn't help him if he had to deal with me on top of his treatment. I hated walking out of this room but knew it was for the best.

"Alright..." I agreed. "Please tell him I love him, and I do want to see him when he's ready..." I replied. I walked over and leaned down and pressed a kiss to my mother's cheek as she kept hold of the flowers. I could feel her strength as she accepted my kiss and held her resolve.

"I will Brian..." she told me. "You should probably go..." she advised. I nodded and gave her a lingering look as I slowly turned to leave. Hating to leave her here to deal with this alone.

"I love you..." I said as I reached the door. She smiled at me.

"I love you too Brian...and I will call you in a few days..." she advised. I nodded and slipped out the door. As soon as the door closed, I felt a wave of anguish pour through me. I almost felt dizzy from the heavy emotion and saw the door for the toilet across the hall. I stepped inside and closed the door and locked it. I leaned against the door and slid down to rest on my bottom and my feet as I put my face in my hands and let out everything I was feeling. Everything I held back in my mother's presence. My father was going to die and there was little I could do to keep it from happening.

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Roger's POV

"Roger..." I heard Dom's voice calling and opened my eyes. Half-awake as I blinked and looked over at her in the hospital bed.

"Yeah?" I asked as I shifted in the chair and felt my neck was stiff. I had nodded off in the chair in her room after watching her fall asleep. We had been down to see Felix and had some dinner and Dom was out like a light. I guess I was out soon after. I sat up and noticed it was light outside.

"You must be stiff from that chair..." Dom remarked as she looked at me. I reached up to rub at my aching neck and nodded.

"A bit..." I agreed. Dom patted the bed and gestured for me to come over.

"Come here..." she requested. I got up from the chair and continued working on my neck as I went to the bed and sat down. Dom instantly raised herself up and began kneading at my neck.

"You don't need to do that..." I told her. "You just had a baby Dom..." I reminded her. I had to admit it felt really good and my neck was loosening up.

"I'm feeling pretty good considering..." she replied. "And I slept quite well last night..." she added. I smiled hearing she was rested. Feeling better.

"Good..." I said as she kept working on my neck and moved down to my shoulders. It did feel nice. We remained silent as she finished up and I let out a sigh of contentment.

"Here..." Dom said as she pulled her hands from my shoulders. "Lay down next to me..." she suggested. I turned to look at her. Worried she was sore.

"I don't want to hurt you..." I responded. "You must be sore and all..." I remarked. Dom smiled and touched her belly through the bedclothes.

"It's not bad really...I'm fine..." she told me. "Just lay down..." she repeated. I relented and turned and laid down next to her. She rolled over on her side and I moved up behind her. Gently placing my arm across her waist. She took hold of it and pulled me closer and held my hand. I could smell her hair and she was soft and warm. It felt nice.

"This is nice..." I told her.

"It is..." she agreed. We both laid there in silence and listened to the sounds of the hospital. Light bled in from the window, but the room still felt dark. I actually felt relaxed and at ease next to her. Being with Dom was just that way. I felt now was a good time to tell her my plan. I went to speak and the room door opened and one of the nurses appeared.

"Good morning!" she said in a cheerful voice.

"Good morning..." Dom replied as she kept hold of my hand.

"How are you feeling?" the nurse asked.

"Pretty good...just relaxing right now..." Dom told her. The nurse had a clipboard and grabbed her pen.

"I wanted to confirm you wanted breakfast..." she advised. "I can get extra so you both can eat..." she told us.

"That would be lovely...thanks..." Dom responded.

"Yes...thank you..." I added as the nurse smiled.

"It should be delivered in the half hour..." she advised and left the room. Dom squeezed my hand and I remembered what I was preparing to say.

"Since the baby is going to remain in care here for a while and I need to be in London for work...I am arranging to find a place nearby..." I informed Dom.

"Really?" she asked with surprise.

"Yes..." I confirmed. "My house feels a bit too far away and I want Tigs with me, so it just made sense..." I explained.

----------------------------------------------------

Brian's POV

I had managed to pull myself together and get up from the floor of the bathroom. I cleaned myself up and decided since I was at the hospital, I would go check on Dom and hopefully see Felix. I took the lift to the 4th floor and stepped out. Roger had told everyone her room number, so I checked the directions and walked down the hallway. Looking at the numbers. I arrived at 406 and saw the door was ajar. I opted to knock but then heard Dom's voice.

"I know family is important to you..." Dom stated. She was speaking to someone.

"It is..." I heard Roger reply. "You're part of my family now..." he told her. Hearing those words somehow cut through me. It felt close to him saying he was in love with her, and I stood frozen at the door. Afraid to hear more of their conversation but afraid to walk away. Terrified the next words were three I couldn't bear to hear him say to another.

"Who are you?" a woman's voice asked in a concerning tone and I practically jumped at the surprise. I turned and saw a woman I was certain was Dominique's mother. She was the image of her in twenty five years with silver hair. I realized she had caught me eavesdropping. Her face was tense with wariness as she eyed me.

"I'm Brian...Roger's friend and band mate..." I quickly replied. She seemed to believe me, and her expression softened.

"Oh yes!" the woman said back. "I'm Dominique's mother...Yvette..." she advised. "I know they are awake...the nurse just told me..." she announced as she tapped on the door.

"Come in..." I heard Dom say and the woman pushed the door wide and went inside. I followed feeling a bit foolish. Dom and Roger were both laying in the bed. Looking very much like a couple. It made me stop in my tracks as he saw me and immediately went to sit up. His eyes locked on mine.

"Look who came for a visit!" Dom's mother announced as she gestured at me. Dom smiled and slowly went to sit up as Roger got out of the bed and straightened his shirt. Still looking at me. Wearing an expression that seemed to contain some guilt as he ran his hand through his disheveled hair.

"Hi Dom!" I told the new mother. Feeling it was appropriate to greet her first. I walked over and kissed her cheek. Admiring how good she looked despite recently giving birth under stressful conditions. She smiled at me.

"It's good to see you Brian..." she told me as she reached for her robe to wrap around her hospital gown.

"Hey..." Roger declared as my eyes wondered back to his. I wore a smile since we had an audience. Now wasn't the time to talk about other matters.

"Hi Rog..." I stated. We both walked towards each other. Feeling awkward since Dom's mother was there and I pulled him into a hug. Savoring the feel of his warm body despite knowing it was Dom that warmed it. We parted and I turned my attention back to Dom. Not wanting her mother to see anything between us.

"How are you feeling?" I asked Dom. Showing my interest in her. She smiled at me.

"I'm pretty good..." she replied. "Just glad the worst is over..." she said as her mother went over and took the chair next to the bed. Roger stuck his hands in the back pocket of his jeans and stood next to me. I ignored my impulse to lean into him.

"She came through it just fine..." her mother remarked in her thick French accent. Looking at Dom proudly. "So did little Felix..." she added as she smiled affectionately at her daughter. There was a tap on the door and a nurse came in carrying a tray of food.

"Good morning!" the nurse greeted as she walked to Dom's bed table. We all politely greeted her as she set down the tray and reached for Dom's water jug. She left to refill her ice and water as Dom pulled the lids from her dishes. Another nurse came in after she stepped out.

"I hate to break up your visit...but we need to examine you after you've had your food..." the nurse advised Dom.

"I'll go take Brian to see Felix..." Roger suddenly announced. I smiled and nodded agreement.

"Alright..." Dom said. "I will leave you something to eat..." she told him as Roger and I walked out of the room. We both headed down the hall and once no one was about, he leaned in close.

"What are you doing here?" he asked me.

"I came to see my father..." I reminded him. Roger stopped walking and looked at me with a concerned expression. He had clearly forgot about my father with everything that had happened. It was understandable.

"Is he still here?" Roger questioned. I nodded and wrapped my hand around my other arm. Trying not to break down in the middle of this hospital hallway. Wanting to keep it together. I swallowed before I answered. Roger's face grew wary as he waited for my answer.

"He's got cancer..." I replied as Roger's mouth fell open with shock. He took a step backwards and I could see he was taken aback by the news.

"Shit!" he murmured as he reached out and touched my arm. Looking at me with disbelief. "What kind of cancer is it?" he asked. I was surprised he didn't know.

"It's in his lungs..." I answered as the news made Roger go a bit pale. His face subdued hearing it.

"Christ Brian!" he said as he seemed to take it in. Running his hand through his hair and distress starting to show on his face. "Is it bad?" he then questioned. A touch of fear in his eyes.

"It's in both lungs...they want to remove one of them...but he said no..." I explained. Surprised at my ability to repeat what I knew. "My mother said his chances aren't that good...he's doing radiation right now and there is talk about chemo..." I advised. Roger nodded and bit his lip. Trying to process the information.

"I'm so sorry..." Roger then said and put his arm around me. Pulling me in for a comforting hug. It threatened to undo the hold I had on my emotions right now and I pulled away. Shaking my head at him.

"I can't do this right now..." I told him. Wanting him to understand I had a tenuous hold at best right now. He nodded as he let go of me and took a step back.

"Let's go see Felix..." he suggested. I nodded and let him guide me down the hall to the nursery. To a distraction I really needed right now. We saw a few other people standing at the large window peering in to see their own babies. Roger guided me to the far end and I saw where there was a separate window. There were a few babies in this separate area and I realized it was for premature or sick babies. It was jarring to see how small these newborns were.

"They are so little..." I remarked as Roger waved to one of the nurses inside the window and she seemed to recognize him. Her face went wide with surprise when she spotted me. Clearly knowing who I am. She walked over to the door and opened it. Wearing a somewhat star struck look.

"Mr. Taylor..." she said with a warm smile as she looked at us both. "I see you brought someone else to meet your soon...want to come in and see him?" she asked. Roger nodded and guided me in as we followed the nurse. The nurse took us to a corner where we washed our hands and pulled on some paper gowns to wear over our clothes. I then followed her and Roger over to a large incubator and she opened the lid and stepped back as Roger reached inside. I came up next to him and looked down. Seeing his son for the first time. His and Dominique's son.

"Brian...I'd like you to meet Felix Luther Taylor..." Roger informed me as he wore a tender but proud smile. I peered down at the smallest baby I had ever seen. It struck me that my cat Squeaky was bigger than he was. He was swallowed up by his little blue gown and a matching cap was covering his head. Wisps of black hair stuck out from under it. Revealing he had Dom's hair. His eyes were a deep dark blue and were a bit glazed as they looked around at the new world surrounding him. His coloring was good and he seemed strong despite his size.

But I could see he had some of Roger in him. His chin seemed similar and the set of his eyes. It was so hard to tell now how they would look when they are older. Especially when he is so tiny. Despite his size, he was a lovely boy. Even if he grew up to look like Dominique, it would still guarantee him good looks.

"He's just beautiful..." I told Rog as he slid his hand in and took hold of Felix's tiny fingers. A tender smile on his face as he made contact with his child.

"He is..." Roger agreed. "And he's a little fighter...so he'll be alright...just needs some time to catch up..." he remarked. I smiled at Roger's confidence in his premature son. Certain he would grow and overcome any problems resulting from his early birth. I noted how different Roger was as a parent from when he first heard about Tiger Lily. So much had changed.

"It's wonderful to see you being a proud and happy parent..." I remarked. Roger looked up at me and grinned. Knowing exactly what I was thinking about.

"It is my third one..." Roger reminded me. Making me happy he counted Jimi in his statement. "I've grown to really like this..." he confessed as he appeared somewhat embarrassed by the notion.

"It seems you have..." I replied as I watched Roger gently caress Felix's cheek. His finger pad covering the entire half of the baby's face. A look of complete love and adoration on my husband's face as he gazed down at this new life. An important new part of his life. The one he led without me. Despite all the feelings I held regarding our situation, I couldn't be resentful or upset with this tiny creature. He was an innocent in it all. Just like Tigs and Jimi.

"You'll be next..." Roger reminded me as he turned and looked at me intently. "Chrissie's only got a few more weeks..." he pointed out. I nodded agreement.

"She's due on 28th..." I confirmed. Roger smiled.

"We'll both be Dads again..." he said and I smiled back. Not wanting to spoil the moment. Yes, we would both be fathers again. Just not together. It twisted my insides to think of it, but put it aside I as kept watching Roger with his new bundle of joy. Wondering if my father would live long enough to even get to know my new child. Deciding not to think about it right now.

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After seeing Felix, I left to return home. I wanted nothing more than to go back downstairs and see my father, but wanted to honor the wishes he made and my mother's request to give him time. Time seemed like something he might be short of and I felt conflicted as the lift went past the third floor on the way to the hospital lobby.

I walked in the house and found it quiet. I presumed Jimi was still with his friend and his mother. At the arcade for the day and enjoying his life. I couldn't begrudge him what happiness he could find in making friends and a new life for himself. Children can be quite resilient. I wish I was that way. There was a note on the counter informing me that Chrissie had gone to a friends and would be back before dinner time. She had left something for my lunch in the refrigerator. I opened it to find the plastic wrapped plate with some cut up vegetables and cheese bits and grapes. I had not eaten anything today, so I sat and ate it as I mulled over the events of this morning. Trying to grasp my father's impending death and the contrast of the birth of a new child. Another man to replace the one who would soon be gone. The circle of life ever present.

It made me think of the song I had written a few nights back and I went to my office and pulled out my notes. I sat at my piano and began tinkering with the words and the melody.

'There's no chance for us....it's all decided for us'

'This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us'

As I underlined the words, I considered what I saw as that one sweet moment in my life. In my fathers, I felt it was him meeting my mother and building a life together. But I knew only my father could really say what his one sweet moment was. For me, I felt that was my time with Roger. I guess that included my time with Queen as well. It was some of the sweetest moments of my life. Being with him and being together in the band. I then wondered if I had yet to live my sweetest moment. I tried to consider that as a sign of hope that maybe my life might improve if I waited. I found a small amount of solace in that consideration as I closed my notebook and contemplated packing for Munich.

--------------------------------

I had grown sleepy after a bad night's sleep the night before and laid down for a nap. Finding myself quickly slipping into slumber as I laid on my bed and pulled a blanket over me. I was soon deeply asleep and pulled into a dream state. A place I had not been of late.

I found myself standing in a familiar place. One that felt bleak and cold and desolate. A place I had stood before when my life brought me strife and my reality weighed on my mind during unconscious times.

There was that bridge. The wind whipping about me as dark clouds lingered overhead. The waves of the water lapping at the sides. Threatening to spill over. Threatening to flood the bridge and pull me into the raging river below. I stood frozen watching the waters rise. Feeling a sense of doom come over me. I turned my head and saw at one end of the bridge a lone figure. It was my father standing there. He was rail thin and frail and the wind lashed at him. Making him sway as he fought to remain standing. Fought to remain alive. He needed me to hold him up. I felt pulled in that direction.

I turned the other way after hearing my name whispered on the wind and found Roger standing there. His arms stretched out. Beckoning me. As soon as I looked at him, his father appeared behind him. He pulled Roger back and held him. Restrained against reaching out towards me or calling for me. His father's hand covering his mouth and holding him in a vicelike grip. Telling me I couldn't have him. My heart ached inside at needing to be with him and being denied him. I felt forlorn and pondered walking towards my father. Giving him the last vestiges of comfort as he slowly left this world. Being a good son.

As soon as I took a step towards him, something caught my eye. I was compelled to walk closer to the side of the bridge. Almost to the raised edge. There I saw coming out from under the bridge a battered boat. Wooden and flailing in the choppy waters. Looking like it might be shattered to pieces should it encounter a rock or heartier waves. Sitting in the boat was Chrissie. Her fully pregnant figure looking up at me with horror in her eyes as she was pulled downstream. Helpless against the current. Clutching at the sides of the boat with her hands. Trying to hang on. I then saw my son at her feet. Afraid and barely managing to keep hold of the seat in front of him. His face registering panic and fear. Lost without me.

I stood there terrified. Feeling like every choice laid before me was the right one and the wrong one. There was no happy ending with any of them. There was no way to choose between them. The sense of dread enveloped me and I found myself falling to my knees. Placing my head in my hands and knowing all was lost. The water surging over the side of the bridges and engulfing me. I was lost to the ravages of the water and of my own inner turmoil.

"Brian!" I heard a voice say and felt myself gasp as I woke. Startled from my emotions in my dream and waking with a start. Chrissie stood at the side of the bed and appeared worried. Her hand on my arm and her eyes troubled. "Are you okay?" she asked me.

I realized I wasn't okay. I felt the weight of all the emotions that had surfaced in my nightmare and instantly had tears forming in my eyes. Her eyes went wide seeing them and she instantly sat down and pulled me into her arms. "Oh my goodness!" she said as she held me close and began stroking my hair and my back. I wrapped my arms around her and took comfort there. Comfort I needed to face my reality.

"I had a bad dream..." I managed to tell her as I began sobbing. My body shaking with the knowledge that I was trapped in a place I didn't want to be. A place where my father was short for this world and my marriage was fading and the life I had made with this kind and caring woman was not what I really wanted.

"It's okay..." Chrissie told me in a soft and soothing voice as she held me. Gently rocked me against her. "You're awake now...it's all over..." she said like she was speaking to a child. I held her tight and cried into her shoulder and her thick hair. Unable to let go despite not wanting to be here. She held me as I told her about my father and his cancer. About how I felt helpless to do anything. She listened and consoled me.

"I am so sorry you're family is facing this..." she said after I finished spilling all my feelings to her. "I promise I will help you through this..." she told me. Pulling me out of her hug and wiping the matted hair from my cheeks. Wiping my tears as she spoke in a soft and caring manner. "I know dealing with this is scary and I will do what I can to help you understand what is happening to him and how you can best help..." she advised. I truly appreciated her offer.

"Thank you..." I told her in a choked voice. She smiled at me and took my hands in hers. Looking in my eyes with affection.

"I love you Brian...I'd do anything for you..." she replied. My body stilled as I realized this was the first time she had ever said she loved me. I know deep inside I was aware of her feelings, but I had never wanted to acknowledge it. It complicated things because I wasn't in love with her. I care for her and think she is a wonderful person, but I am not in love with her and knew I never would be.

"I know you would..." I finally said back and found a small smile for her. Unable to repeat the other words she had said to me. "I need to get up..." I said as she seemed subdued at my response and gave me space to get up from the bed. She remained sitting there as I walked to the bathroom and closed the door. Using the toilet and then standing at the sink and turning on the faucet. I splashed my face with some water. Trying to shake off the nightmare that had returned and shake off Chrissie's words.

Chapter Text

7th September 1985

London

Roger's POV

"I knew you could do it!" I told Felix as the doctor updated us and advised he had gained 14 ounces since he was born. Dom and I shared a enthused grin as the doctor continued with the report. So far his tests had shown he didn't have any major issues. Yes, he was quite small, but his lungs were doing well and his breathing was stable. He responded to stimuli and clearly could see and hear. It was promising news.

"Do you think he will be okay then?" Dom questioned. The doctor smiled and nodded as he closed his file.

"I think he will be fine..." he assured her. "I do want you to keep in mind that his growth may be stunted by being so premature..." he cautioned. "It may not be an issue but some babies born this early take quite a while to catch up..." he advised. I squeezed Felix's little hand and smiled at him.

"You'll be brilliant...no matter what size you are!" I promised him. The doctor left the nursery and Dom got situated in a chair to feed him. She had been expressing her milk for the nurses to feed him since he was born. With him being older and bigger now, they encouraged her to try and feed him directly. She had been assisted by one of the nurses and I sat back and watched as Dom held our tiny baby in her arms and tried to get him to latch on.

"Come on..." Dom cooed to him. He took a bit to get settled and finally took hold. A look of elation crossing Dom's face as she fed her son from her breast. I leaned forward to get a better look and found the contentment on both of their faces heartwarming.

"I'm glad this worked out..." I told Dom as she watched Felix and then looked up at me.

"They say it's better for them..." she reminded me. "It's not a big deal to pump my milk but this feels more intimate...like we are connecting..." Dom admitted. I could appreciate that sentiment.

"I know Clare enjoyed nursing Jimi..." I told her. "Not that I ever watched her do it..." I quickly assured her. Dom grinned at my slight awkwardness on the topic.

"She was nursing her child Roger...it's okay if you saw her do it..." she pointed out.

"I left that to Brian..." I explained. "He quite enjoyed watching Jimi nurse..." I divulged. "He told me it was magical how a mother can do that..." I remarked. She smiled warmly hearing this.

"Do you know if Tiger Lily was nursed?" Dom asked me. I shrugged. I didn't know and realized I probably never would know.

"The only people who could tell me that are gone..." I replied. Dom's face grew solemn.

"Sorry..." she quickly reacted. I smiled at her.

"It's okay..." I told her. "It's just something I never thought to ask her Gran...before she died..." I explained.

"I imagine there are a lot of things you'll never know...or Tiger Lily for that matter..." Dom remarked. "That's a shame..." she said as I nodded agreement and lifted my arms over my head to stretch. Trying not to think about what Tigs missed out on with her mother being gone.

"It is..." I agreed. I stayed and was given the task of burping my son once he finished eating. I gently took his tiny body and laid it across my arm like the nurse showed me. Carefully rubbing the air from his tummy. Feeling accomplished when he offered up a tiny burp and a small amount of milk. It reminded me of the time Tiger Lily threw up a whole bottle all over me. This was different though. I didn't mind these days and was grateful that I was here to be a part of his early days in this world. I got cleaned up after placing my son back into his tiny plastic bed. Dom and I said goodbye and left the nursery.

"When we get home I am going to start packing some things..." Dom advised as we walked to the car together. She had been released from the hospital a few days ago with a clean bill of health. She was doing amazingly well for someone who had recently given birth. Now she was focusing her time on visiting Felix and and preparing to move to our temporary home.

"Crystal has a stack of boxes in the dining room..." I told her. "I can help you tonight before I go..." I advised. I was leaving the next day to go to Munich to meet the band and work on a new single. Dom smiled as we reached the car and I opened the door for her. She slowly slid into the car.

"You can do the heavy lifting and my Mother can help with the rest..." she said as I got in my seat and started the engine. I left the parking garage and headed towards her place.

"You can put Tiger Lily to work too you know..." I reminded her. "She's not starting back to school for a few weeks...she can help pack..." I pointed out.

"I'm not taking everything I own Roger..." Dom replied. "She can help Mia with the things from your place..." she proposed. I grinned at her.

"Mia will have everything done in a swift and calculated manner..." I informed her. "She should really go into logistics..." I commented. "Maybe our tour manager should hire her..." I joked. Dom laughed lightly.

"And who would watch the baby?" she questioned. "Crystal or Ratty or Paul?" she asked me. Two of those names made me smile. The other didn't.

"I'd rather we left Paul out of that equation!" I insisted. Dom appeared curious.

"Why is that?" she asked me. "What's he done to make you say that?" I didn't have an actual anecdote to offer. At least one I felt like sharing.

"It's not something he's actually done..." I replied. "I just don't like him..." I replied vaguely. Dom shrugged.

"I don't think we will be using a roadie anytime soon as a nanny...so I think our son is safe for now!" she said with confidence. For some reason, I really liked it when she called him 'our son.' It felt nice. It was a fact. He is both of ours. I just felt at ease with our situation and liked that there was no pressure from her about us being more than we are.

"Yes...our son is safe for now..." I agreed and was grateful he really was as I drove us home.

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8th September 1985

Munich

Brian's POV

I woke up later than intended and glanced at the clock next to the bed. It was almost 3pm. Shit! I leaned over and took a sip of the water on the nightstand and picked up the phone. Late to make my scheduled call.

"Hello..."

"Hi...it's me..." I told Chrissie.

"I thought you were going to call around noon..." she remarked.

"Sorry...I got busy and lost track of time..." I lied. Not wanting her to know I was having trouble sleeping again.

"Okay..." she quickly replied. Sounding too amiable about my tardiness. I kind of wished she had admonished me for it. "Are you going into the studio tonight?" she asked.

"Yes..." I confirmed. "I'm heading there after we talk..." I advised. I pinched the spot between my eyebrows as I fought the realization I had a headache. The same one I'd had since Freddie's birthday party. I tried to ignore it. "How are you feeling today?" I questioned. More interested in her well being.

"I'm good..." Chrissie answered. "I am starting to get some swelling in my feet but it isn't too bad..." she advised. "My blood pressure is fine so I'm not really worried about it..."

"At least it's not concerning..." I commented. "I'm sorry I won't be there for the doctor's..." I remarked. I did feel bad I was missing a few checkups since I was away working.

"We knew you would miss some...it's alright..." she replied in an earnest tone. We had talked about my schedule and how we would manage in the last few months of her pregnancy. She was flexible and realistic. It helped make things easier. Of course, I don't know if she considered me going to wild parties as work. She was too pregnant to fly over and attend Freddie's 39th birthday party a few nights back. Since I was there alone, I ended up drinking entirely too much and was in the throes of a massive hangover for the subsequent 48 hours. I had spent a lot of it in bed. Nursing my aching body and nursing my wounded spirit.

I was still trying to come to terms with the news about my father. Of course, drowning the reality of it in vodka was a fruitless venture. He was still quite ill and possibly dying once I had sobered up. Nothing had magically changed. I found not having Roger's presence left me reeling at times. I missed his strength and him being tucked into my side. Something to hold on to. Chrissie was more than eager to fill the void, but she didn't understand that no one else can. She isn't Roger and never will be. No one else can be.

"Brian...are you there?" I realized I had drifted away from my conversation with Chrissie. Distracted by my ruminations.

"There must be something wrong with the line..." I lied. Using the long distance as an excuse. "What did you say?" I asked her. Feeling a tinge of guilt.

"I said I needed to go...I've got to pick up Jimi and go to the market...I want to be back in time for Eastenders..." she explained. "I had thought you were calling earlier and I would have had more time to talk..." she pointed out. I felt some relief at the mild irritation she displayed. It was the penance I needed.

"I know..." I replied. "I'm sorry about that..." I said sincerely. "Don't do too much and I will call you tomorrow..." I told her. "Say hi to Jimi for me..." I added.

"I will...I hope things go well in the studio..." she said. "Bye..." she called as she hung up. I cradled the phone and rolled onto my back. Letting out a resigned sigh as I contemplated rising and taking a shower. Needing a shave and needing something to eat.

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In my self loathing state, it had escaped me that I would find solace with Roger arriving tonight. He was flying in since Dom had gone home from the hospital and Felix was stable and improving daily. That was heartening news. I had only had one call from my mother. It was brief and she told me my father was remaining in the hospital for another week for treatment. He wasn't doing well with the side effects and they felt it was best for him to be closely monitored. As a result, she had not told him I was aware of his condition. I remained in limbo with my father's situation. It didn't help my state of mind.

As I rode to the studio, I felt a sense of invigoration. I am sure the cold shower I took to wake me up helped. I had also had a few cups of coffee with a room service sandwich and was feeling a bit more buoyant. The car pulled up to the curb by the casino and I got out with my bag on my shoulder. I began walking to the entrance. Feeling better with the thought that I would be in Roger's company for the next few weeks. Even if he did fly home sporadically to check on Felix and Dom and Tiger Lily.

I neared the door and spotted a fan waiting for me. I had Jobby with me and he stuck to my side as the young man approached me. He was wearing a massive grin as he got closer.

"Hi!" I greeted to be friendly.

"Hello..." the young man said in an American accent. I was surprised to find him American.

"You're a long way from home..." I remarked lightly as the young man nodded.

"I'm from New Jersey but my father is stationed in Germany with the Air Force..." he explained. "We're living at Ramstein Airbase...but my family is on vacation right now and we're seeing some more of Germany..." he advised. I instantly thought of my father's service during the war.

"My father was in the Royal Air Force..." I responded. "My mother also served in the Women's corps during the war..." I added as the young man nodded and smiled.

"I'm considering joining up myself...so I can see the world..." he told me enthusiastically. He held out a copy of our album, The Works, for me to sign. I took the album from him and Jobby handed me a pen he keeps handy. I saw that Roger and Freddie had already signed it.

"What's your name?" I asked him.

"Tommy..." he replied. I scrawled out my signature and dated it and handed it back. He smiled at the autograph and then at me. "Thanks..." he said as Jobby took the pen from me.

"Tommy...I hope you get to see the world..." I said as he tucked the album under his arm and we shook hands. "Best of luck to you..." I added.

"Thanks for signing and for the music..." he said sincerely as I waved goodbye and headed inside. It had lifted my spirits to meet him and I truly hoped he was able to see the world. I realized my father had missed his chance and wondered if offering him a trip somewhere might be some kind of consolation to him now. It distracted me as I walked through the door to the studio. I followed Jobby down the stairs and smiled instantly when I saw the blond head of my husband coming into view. He was standing watching me descend and he formed a wide smile in response. My footsteps quickened.

"Where the hell you been?" Roger scolded playfully with his smile still intact. I rolled my eyes at him as we got closer to each other.

"I've been in Munich for days..." I reminded him. "I believe you just arrived..." I replied cheekily. Jobby took my bag from me as Roger took my hand and led me towards through the main room to one of the ante rooms. I noted Paul standing in the corner watching us. Wearing his usual stoic expression. We ignored him as we stepped through a door and I was pulled into my husband's arms. Instantly sharing a kiss as we embraced. We lingered there tasting each other and savoring the feel of being this close.

"You look tired..." Roger finally told me as we parted from our hug. I was glad I had shaved as it would have garnered even more worry for him. I shrugged.

"I'm still a bit wrung out from Freddie's birthday..." I confessed. Roger ran his hand over my cheek and looked into my eyes. I knew he could see more there and I hoped we weren't headed for a talk about the state of my mind or my heart. I didn't have the energy.

"I think I know what might perk you up..." Roger suggested as he took my hand and began opening the door. I let him guide me out.

"What's that?" I questioned. I figured he must have our new song and I was glad to be distracted by some work.

"After we finish here in the studio...I have a surprise for you..." he informed me. I was intrigued by what it was but could see from the satisfied grin on his face he wouldn't tell me until later.

"Okay..." I replied and followed him into the control booth. Everyone got settled in the studio with Mack and Roger pulled out his copy of the lyrics he had written and gave Mack a cassette tape. He inserted it in the machine as Freddie took the lyrics from Roger. Deacy hadn't arrived yet because he was still on holiday with his family.

We listened to Roger's demo and began discussing Roger's words when our new video directors appeared in the doorway. Rudi and Hannes had made some music videos for other artists and Freddie had hired them to direct a few of his solo music videos. He liked working with them and proposed we use them for our next project. We decided to skip having a big production video and opted to show us working in the studio. Since we weren't sure what all we wanted in the final cut, they were going to start with us shaping the song before we began recording.

"I've got film rolling...just do what you normally do and we'll get it on film and you can look at it later..." Rudi advised. Roger, Freddie and myself got seated in the control booth and began working on the lyrics. Mack sat nearby to offer input. It felt odd having cameras looking at us while we worked. This place was usually so private. I knew Roger and I both had to be careful about our body language and what we said to each other. Freddie stood between us as we talked and threw out ideas about the words. We were soon into our craft and forgot the cameras and film people were watching.

It was fun to watch Roger and Freddie go back and forth on the lyrics. Roger had brought in a great first draft, but as usual, Freddie wanted to make them better and kept challenging each line with something different. It was times like these I was brought back to our early days together. The three of us sharing a flat and sharing our dreams and ideas. Enthusiasm overflowing along with a bottle of wine or something stronger. And a lot of laughter as Freddie and Roger set each other off. We decided to call it a day after a few hours and prepared to leave the studio.

"We're all going out for some food..." Freddie advised Roger and myself as we collected our things. "Want to join us?" he asked.

"We've got plans..." Roger quickly informed him. Freddie smiled knowingly as he waved to us.

"Be careful..." he said as he disappeared out the door with Mack. Roger and I shared a car with Crystal and Jobby. Heading back to the hotel. They dropped us off and were heading for a club. I went to my room and changed clothes and then went to the next floor to Roger's suite. He had left the door open so I went right in. I found him talking on the phone and knew it was with Dom. He waved me over towards him.

"Give him a kiss for me..." Roger requested. "Good night..." he told her and hung up the phone.

"How is he?" I asked as sat next to him on the bed.

"He's improving every day..." he replied as he turned and looked at me. "He's gained 14 ounces!" Roger said with pride. I was happy to hear he was progressing.

"That's good news Rog..." I told him.

"It is good news..." Roger agreed. We both leaned in a shared a kiss and then he took hold of my hand and pulled me from the bed. "Come here..." he prompted. "I've got that surprise for you..." he announced as he walked me over to the small dining table in his suite and I saw a medium sized white box sitting on it.

"What's in the box?" I questioned. Roger grinned as he picked up a room service menu.

"Let's order some food first and then I'll show you..." he said. I took the menu and found something I wanted and he phoned in the order. I grabbed us some beers from his refrigerator and got seated. Eager to see what he had in the box.

"Alright then...what is it?" I demanded as Roger took his beer and had a drink. He gestured at the box.

"Go ahead...you can open it..." he instructed. I pulled the box towards me and took off the deep lid. As I laid the lid aside I saw the box was full of photographs. I quickly wiped my hands on my cargo trousers and retrieved a few of the pictures. Seeing they were of us. Of our family.

"Where did you find these?" I questioned as I pulled more from the box. Finding ones I had forgotten about over the years. Roger shifted his chair closer to mine and watched me with a broad smile.

"I was packing up some things to move to that place in London..." Roger explained. "I came across several small boxes of pictures that had somehow got stuck behind other things..." he revealed. I looked up at him when he mentioned his move to London. He had told me he had Crystal find them a temporary home where they could live since Felix was going to be in the hospital for several weeks and require a lot of doctor's visits thereafter. He wanted to be in London so that was easier to manage and we were going to be working on a new album. Using some London studios to do some recording. It made sense, but the idea of him getting a whole new place with Dom in tow still touched a nerve. I ignored my mixed feelings about it and tried to focus on the menagerie of memories invoked by the pictures he had found.

"Wasn't this taken in Tenerife?" Roger asked me as we both looked at a photo together. I nodded and grinned. Remembering the trip. Seeing us smiling and sitting on the beach together. The sand and water behind us.

"Yes..." I told him with amusement. "I remember that we went to that outdoor restaurant after the beach that day and we both ate too much..." I recalled. Roger grinned back and seemed to recall it as well.

"Those potatoes were so good!" Roger remarked and we shared a knowing look between us. Remembering the taste of canarian potatoes.

"They were..." I agreed and set that photo down to look at another.

"Don't get too full tonight!" Roger cautioned me with an innuendo filled tone and a wink. I nudged him with my elbow.

"You're the one who usually over indulges!" I reminded him. He rolled his eyes at me and sipped his beer and looked at the new photo I had in my hands. It was one taken of Roger and Tiger Lily and Jimi. They were in our back garden and were sitting on a large blanket spread on the grass. A picture I had taken of them during a warm summer day.

"How old is Jimi there?" Roger asked me.

"I think he was three..." I answered. This prompted me to ask him when we might see if Jimi could visit Felix.

"When you get Felix home...could we see if we could manage a visit for Jimi?" I asked him. "He wants to meet his brother..." I advised. Roger nodded and looked at me.

"I think we can do it..." Roger responded as he seemed to be thinking about something. "I've still never heard a word from my Dad..." he stated. "He's cashing the check each month...like clockwork!" he said with a touch of resentment. "But I think we were right about him not having a mole..." he told me. "There has never been anything that shows someone is reporting our activities to him..." he surmised.

"You think so?" I questioned. I wanted us to be sure before we got too reckless. We probably shouldn't be together right now even. But we couldn't help it. Roger seemed confident.

"I think there is no mole Brian..." he said assuredly.

"That doesn't mean he isn't keeping an eye from some other means..." I pointed out. "Besides the newspapers and television reports on us...he may have someone outside of our organization watching..." I said to be sure we considered all angles of the matter.

"We've been careful about the coverage..." Roger reminded me. "Bob Geldof told the film crew not to tape our area where our families were...so my Dad doesn't know we shared a caravan and were together that day as a family..." Roger stated. He was referring to our backstage area at Live Aid. We had separate caravans but spent the entire time together with the kids. It had felt worth the risk since we were off limits to the cameras and this was such a major event in our career. One we wanted to share as a family.

"But someone else could be watching..." I repeated with caution. Roger seemed impudent.

"If they are watching us...they're doing a piss poor job!" he remarked snidely. We both looked at each and wondered if that was the case. He did have someone but they had limited access to truly spy on us.

"Then I guess I'll let Jimi know he can visit Felix in a few weeks..." I remarked as I sat down the photo and grabbed another one. Roger reached for his cigarettes and then stopped. Shoving them away. I found it compelling. "You don't want a cigarette?" I questioned. Roger shrugged as he looked at the packet and then at me.

"I've tried to cut back..." he said nonchalantly as he picked up his beer and emptied the bottle.

"I imagine that's pretty tough going..." I said to be sympathetic. Roger sighed and got up from the table.

"It is..." he agreed. "Want another beer?" he asked me.

"Sure..." I replied and found a photo of Roger and myself from our early days. Before the fame and before the kids. "I think Freddie took this picture..." I announced as Roger came back to the table and set a new bottle of beer down in front of me. He looked at the photo as he took his seat.

"He did..." Roger confirmed. We were embracing in the picture and it was a sweet image. One that somewhat revealed we were a couple. "No one else would have taken it..." he pointed out. "We weren't out to many people then..." he reminded me.

"We still aren't..." I remarked as we both gazed at our younger selves. Roger so baby faced and his hair a dark blond color. Quite long and a bit shaggy in places. My hair much the same but not as styled then.

"Wouldn't it be lovely to just go back for one day to that time?" Roger suggested. "When no one knew who we were and we could just go anywhere together and never worry about someone following us?" he questioned. "When we shared that tiny room in that small flat over the shop and we had no money but we had a lot of dreams and a lot of ambition..." he recalled. I smiled at the proposal.

"It does sound wonderful..." I agreed. "Go back for a day and relive it..." I repeated as I gazed at the picture and remembered those simpler times. "Just one day?" I then asked him. Roger grinned at me.

"I miss us being together and living a simpler life..." Roger stated. "But I don't miss being dead broke and eating all those bloody sandwiches..." he remarked. I laughed at his honesty.

"Yes..." I told him bitingly. "I wouldn't want you to miss out on those canarian potatoes!" I said with a touch of sarcasm. Roger picked up his packet of cigarettes and flung them at me as I laughed. The buzzer sounded on the door to his suite so he got up. I went to the bathroom to use the toilet and wash up as Roger collected our food. I walked back in to find him carefully placing the photographs and the white box on the counter. Clearing the table for our food.

"I'll serve you sir!" he told me cheekily as I sat back down and he placed my meal in front of me. A cup of potato soup and a large caprese salad. Roger set his covered dish down and I grabbed a napkin as he reached for the cover on his plate.

"What did you order?" I asked him. Roger lifted the lid and looked down at his food and began laughing. I saw his choice and cracked up with him. Almost guffawing as we both sat and stared at his plate.

"A fucking sandwich!" Roger managed to say as he gasped for breath and so did I. On his plate was a Monte Cristo sandwich.

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10th September 1985

London

Deacy's POV

"Here's the lot of it sir..." the courier told me. I signed his clipboard and accepted the plastic bin full of reports, post, selected fan mail and two envelopes marked 'Private and Confidential.'

"Thank you..." I replied as I took the bin and closed the front door. I walked down the entryway to the hall. Ronnie popped her head out of the kitchen.

"Who was it?" she questioned and then saw my plastic bin. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "Work already then?" she remarked. I nodded to her.

"Yes...there are some things I need to glance at and then I'll be ready to look at the film..." I advised. She smiled at me.

"I'll put the tapes by the player..." she stated as I continued down the hallway. We had returned from our holiday the day before and Ronnie was eager to look at the footage I shot on our movie camera. I had bought a new VHS camcorder when I was in Japan and we loved that you just pulled the tape out and could instantly play it. They weren't available in the UK yet, so Ronnie felt spoiled with us having one. She was popping some popcorn and we were going to watch them all before I headed to Munich for work.

I set the bin down on my desk and weeded through the items inside it. I was intrigued by the two envelopes marked private so I opened them first. One was a letter from Jim Beach about a contract I needed to sign and return. I opened the other and found a memo from Peter Chant. It was stapled to a set of papers. His note read that the report I requested of the telephone calls made during the tour was attached. My body filled with excitement as I took a seat and flipped his memo over to see the actual report. Reveling in a challenge.

'Let's see what cost us so much...' I said out loud as I began looking over the details. I found that the report didn't state who's room the calls were made from, only the room number. I looked over my files and found the prior report. Scanning it to find what room number Paul Prenter had during each hotel stay. I then noted the room numbers on a notepad and returned to my phone call details.

'Room 1217...' I said as I ran my finger down the report and found the listing. There were a lot of calls made from his room. It was easy to see the ones that were not local as they had the country code added for international dialing. I was surprised to find that several calls were made to the same phone number. It was a number with an England country code. I was intrigued as I scribbled the phone number on my notepad and then began going over the remainder of the report. To my surprise, I found that Paul continued to make phone calls to this same phone number in England during each hotel stay.

'Got yourself a new boyfriend?' I questioned out loud as I finished looking over the last hotel report. I relished the fact I had solved the mystery of the increase in expenses for phone calls and began imagining Paul getting a mouthful from Jim and myself about the costs. Liking the scenario. I grinned as I looked down at the phone number and grew curious who it was he had called.

I picked up my telephone and dialed the phone number. Placing my hand over the mouthpiece, I listened and hoped maybe I would get an answering machine that would reveal who it was. It rang twice and I almost jumped in my seat when someone answered. It was a woman, which took me by surprise. What left me thunderstruck was how she answered the phone.

"Taylor residence..." she said and my stomach dropped hearing it. The realization of who Paul had been calling hit me. I slowly moved my hand away from the mouthpiece.

"Is Michael in?" I asked in a disguised voice. Trying not to sound like myself. Feeling a wave of dread and excitement go through me.

"He's not available right now...can I take a message?" she responded.

"No message...thank you..." I replied and held back the sound I had forming in my throat as I cradled the phone. I stood up from my chair and pumped my fist in the air.

"I've got you motherfucker!"

Chapter Text

13th September 1985

Munich

Freddie's POV

"That was the landscaper..." Phoebe advised me as he walked back from the telephone and joined me at the table. I halted taking a sip of my tea. Worried there was a delay with the grounds being done for my move into my new house.

"What did he want?" I questioned with concern. Phoebe gave me a reassuring look.

"He was just confirming the order for the plants...it's nothing to worry about..." he told me as he picked up his own tea and had a sip.

"If you say so..." I replied and we both resumed eating our late breakfast. Trying not to stress about the impending house move.

"I'm going to shop today...is there anything you need?" Phoebe questioned. I thought about it as I chewed my bite of chocolate croissant. Trying to recall a few things I wanted.

"Oh!" I said as I remembered something important. "Could you get some of those lovely grapes?" I requested. "Like the ones we had a few days ago..." I reminded him. "They were really good..."

"They're already on the list!" he replied. I grinned at him

"So efficient and one step ahead of me..." I told him sweetly. Appreciating his talent at taking care of things. Taking care of me.

"Anything else?" he asked. Before I could answer the doorbell rang. Phoebe got up and walked over to answer it.

"Are we expecting anyone?" I questioned. "I've got to be at the studio in a few hours..." I reminded Phoebe. He nodded understanding as he picked up the phone to see who was here.

"Oh! Come on up!" Phoebe told whoever it was and hung up the phone. He turned to look at me. "It's John..." he announced.

"What is he doing here?" I pondered. I was surprised by his visit. We were meeting at the studio in a few hours and he had advised it was important that we meet alone. Just the four group members. He had said it was quite important but wouldn't elaborate. I got up from the table and walked towards the door. Prepared to greet him. Phoebe opened the door and John was there. Smiling broadly and stepping inside.

"Hello dear...." I greeted. "Did you get an earlier flight?" I asked him as we shared a hug. He was supposedly flying in this morning and meeting us after he got settled in. I noted he appeared anxious about something.

"I did actually..." John replied. "I need to talk to you in private..." he requested.

"I can go ahead and leave for the shops..." Phoebe advised.

"Alright then..." I told my assistant as Phoebe got his list and coat and left. "Would you like something to drink?" I asked John as we got seated in the living room.

"A whiskey would be nice..." he requested. I had thought about tea and was surprised he was interested in a drink so early in the day. I got up and walked to the bar. Pouring him a drink.

"So what is it we need to discuss in private?" I questioned as I fixed his drink.

"You may want to make yourself one while you're at it..." he suggested. I immediately considered the idea that John was going to tell me he was leaving the group or that he was ill or something equally terrible. I proceeded in making two drinks and walked back to him. Handing him a glass and having a seat. Holding onto my vodka, but waiting to take a drink.

"You've got me worried now..." I told him in a fretful tone. "What is it?" I queried. I watched John look around my flat.

"We are alone...right?" he questioned. "No one else is here..." he asked me.

"It was just me and Phoebe here....we are alone!" I confirmed. Growing more concerned. John took a large sip of his whisky and cupped the glass in his hand. He looked at me wearing a somber expression. My heart started racing as I braced for some awful news.

"I know who the mole is...." John announced. I almost dropped the glass I was holding.

"Oh my god!" I reacted. Shocked and surprised at hearing it. "Who is it?" I asked. Dying to know. John grinned triumphantly.

"It's Paul!" he revealed. I was confused by his response. It couldn't be him. I wasn't sure I could believe it.

"Are you sure dear?" I challenged. "It can't be him!" I argued. "He's gay! He wouldn't betray one of his own!" I stated with the belief John may have it wrong.

"Yes...I'm sure..." Deacy responded and I understood why he wanted me to have a drink. I put it to my lips and emptied the glass.

Roger's POV

"I've only got a few minutes..." I told Dom on the phone. "I need to head to the studio...Deacy is coming in this morning and he requested a meeting with us...he said it was really important..." I advised.

"I hope everything is okay..." Dom remarked. I eyed my cigarettes and struggled with the desire to have one. I purposely shoved my hands under my armpits to avoid going for one. Holding the phone against my shoulder with my head.

"I don't know..." I replied as I looked over at the packet of cigarettes and felt my resolve waning. The mystery of this meeting was compelling me to have one. "He wouldn't say what it was about..." I told her. "How is Felix today?" I asked. I knew Dom had gone on her morning visit to the hospital already. I wanted a progress report before I left for the studio.

"He is really good!" she answered in a bright voice. "He is a hungry little man!" she advised. "I have spent most of my time feeding him..."

I was glad to hear his appetite remained. It would keep him growing and closer to being able to go home.

"That's marvelous Dom!" I told her. "Give him a kiss for me when you go back..." I requested. "I've really got to go..." I said as I glanced at the clock on the table. "I'll try and call you later if it's not too late..."

"Alright..." Dom replied. "Good luck with the meeting and I'll speak to you soon..." she advised. We hung up and I let out a sigh of relief that Felix was still doing well. Every report was encouraging and I got up. Grabbing my things so I could head out. I walked to my suite door and someone knocked before I could open it. I unlocked the door and found Brian standing there.

"Hey..." he said. "I just heard from Freddie and he said I need to come here..." he advised. "He and Deacy are headed here..." Brian stated as I stepped back to let him inside.

"They didn't call me..." I informed him.

"They said your line was busy..." Brian replied. I realized I had been on the phone with Dom.

"Oh...right..." I said as Brian walked and had a seat on the sofa. Crossing his legs and showing me those jelly sandals he had started wearing. I couldn't help but find his choice of attire a tad ridiculous. "I hope you're not planning on wearing those when we shoot the video..." I questioned as I took the seat next to him.

"Wear what?" he asked me as I eyed his feet.

"Those bloody awful shoes Brian!" I complained. "Those shoes were made for children...young girls most likely!" I pointed out. Brian looked down at his clear jelly sandals and his feet encased inside them with white crew socks.

"If they're just for kids...then why did they make them in my size?" he challenged to me.

"Because whoever made them probably thought it was funny and wanted to see what idiot would buy them!" I argued back. Brian scowled at me.

"Well I like them!" he replied. "They're comfortable and I think they are fun!" he defended. "Tiger Lily has a pair!" he reminded me. I gave him a condescending look.

"She's a teenager Brian!" I pointed out. "Not a 38 year old man!" I argued. He instantly looked put out by my criticism and stood up from the sofa.

"Maybe I'll just leave if you're going to harp on me about my appearance..." he huffed as he glared at me and began walking to the door.

"Fine!" I told him. "Go!" I said as I crossed my arms and my legs. Looking at him with a stubborn expression. Not inclined to bend on my opinion. "Just make sure you change shoes before you come back!" I said as his eyebrows narrowed and he turned to leave. He opened the door and walked out and I groaned at the fact that we still managed to bicker about the stupidest things despite not being together.

Before the door to my suite closed, it opened again and Brian walked back in still frowning as Freddie and Deacy followed.

"Are you two at it again?" Freddie questioned as they came inside and Deacy closed the door behind them. I immediately pointed at Brian's feet.

"Look at his shoes!" I ordered as I kept my look of disdain. Both Freddie and Deacy looked at Brian's feet. Both of them burst out laughing.

"Oh my goodness Brian!" Freddie tittered. "Where in the world do you get those ridiculous shoes?" he asked him.

"My Laura has a pair of those...I thought they were for kids!" Deacy remarked with amusement.

"Exactly!" I declared. Brian instantly appeared offended by our shared dislike for his foot attire.

"Fuck off!" Brian glared at us all and stormed over to an empty chair. Away from me and flopped down. Crossing his arms and appearing offended. "You asked to meet here?" he questioned as he clearly wanted to change topics.

"Oh calm done!" Freddie told Brian as he took the chair next to him. "I have a feeling you will be in a better mood in a few minutes..." he assured my husband as he and Deacy shared a knowing look between them. I was intrigued what that was about.

"What's going on?" I asked them both. Their smug grins remained as Freddie gestured at our bassist.

"You want to tell them or should I?" Freddie asked Deacy. Now I was really curious and Brian seemed intrigued as well.

"I will!" Deacy replied and looked at me and then Brian. "I think you two should be sitting together before I say it..." he requested. I looked over at Brian and saw him hesitate. He let out a huff and walked over and resumed his prior spot on the sofa next to me. Crossing his legs and displaying his jellied foot in front of me on purpose. Bobbing it up and down for good measure.

"You were saying?" I said to Deacy; ignoring my husband.

"I know who the mole is!" he suddenly declared. I almost came off the sofa hearing the news and Brian did too.

"Who is it?" we both asked at the same time. Eager to know. Surprised that there was one. Deacy leaned towards us a bit and I saw a look of unease in Freddie's eyes. It told me that my guess as to who it is was probably accurate.

"It's Paul!" Deacy revealed. Brian and I both let out a gasping sound.

"I knew it!" I cried out. Brian turned to me and we forgot our squabble as he took my hand.

"How did you find out?" Brian questioned in a state of shock. I wanted to know as well.

"I discovered it by noting a discrepancy in the accounts..." Deacy divulged.

"The accounts?" I asked in confusion. "How did the accounts give him away?"

"The travel expenses on our trip to Rio seemed higher than expected and I narrowed it down to expensive phone calls..." Deacy explained. "I gave Peter a call and he was able to request some reports that detailed out the phone calls made during our stay there..."

"Phone calls?" I questioned. "How did phone calls catch him?" I asked. Still not clear on how this revealed the mole. Deacy appeared proud as he continued.

"Peter managed to get me logs of the calls made and they included the phone numbers..." Deacy responded. "I saw where Paul had made numerous calls to the same British phone number while we were in Rio..." he noted. "Quite expensive calls..." he added. "And I picked up my phone and called the number to see who was so important back home that they warranted a daily call...." Deacy advised.

"And it was my father's phone number..." I chimed in. Understanding now how he was caught. Deacy nodded as Freddie sighed. Clearly showing distress at his friend being the culprit. I felt bad for Freddie but my anger about the matter was growing by the second.

"So Paul has been his mole this whole time?" Brian asked. Still in shock and mild disbelief.

"Yes..." Deacy confirmed. I clenched Brian's hand as my anger built.

"Well I'm not surprised!" I remarked as I let go of Brian's hand and stood up. Ready to go find him and do something about it. "Where is he now?" I questioned as I looked at Freddie. Seeing the guilt he wore about the situation.

"Roger...we need to think about how we handle this..." Freddie said as he looked at me steadily.

"I think we need to find him and you can hold him down while I fucking pulverize him!" I barked at Freddie. "That's how I think we should handle this!" I shouted as I began walking to the door of my suite. Grabbing my room key and wallet and prepared to hunt him down.

"Rog! Wait!" Brian shouted after me. "You can't just go break down his door and assault him!" he declared. I turned and looked at him. My hands on my hips.

"Why not?" I questioned. "He betrayed us! All of us!" I reminded him.

"They're right Rog..." Deacy interjected. "We have to think about how we approach this..." he cautioned. I only saw red right now and felt conflicted as I gauged their faces and fought the urge to stomp out of my suite and go find that piece of shit. Brian got up from the sofa and came towards me.

"Please Rog..." Brian pleaded. "I know you're angry...so am I...but we could make this worse if we don't think before we act..." he reminded me. Those warm hazel eyes looked at me with worry and I found I had to give in to them. I walked from the door past Brian and headed for the wet bar.

"Fine!" I barked in frustration as I found a glass and placed it on the counter and reached for the whisky. "We'll do it your way!" I agreed. "First I need a fucking drink!" I grumbled as I unscrewed the cap and poured myself a double.

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A plan was made and we called in support for the execution of it. Crystal and Ratty were brought to the suite and informed of what we knew and what we planned. Jim Beach had already been notified by Deacy and would handle matters at our production offices. He also agreed our plan of action was probably the best.

We drove to Freddie's Munich residence and gathered and waited. Phoebe had called Paul and advised Freddie needed to see him on an urgent matter. He was expected within the half hour. As we waited, I took a seat next to Brian and we leaned into each other. Happy to have discovered who the mole was but both knowing it didn't solve everything. This was at least a step towards ending this nightmare.

Everyone had a drink to fortify themselves and when the buzzer sounded and Phoebe advised him to come up, I tried to shelve my fury and stay in control.

"I'll start off talking..." Freddie stated as we waited for Paul to get to the door. I lit a cigarette and then lit one for Deacy. Both of us sharing a determined look as we took our first drag. There was a knock and Phoebe opened the door. Allowing Paul to step inside. He saw us all and was surprised.

"Oh!" Paul said as he eyed the band as well as Crystal and Ratty. "I thought you needed something..." Paul remarked to Freddie.

"I do..." Freddie told him. "I need everyone here because something serious has happened that we all need to discuss..." he advised. Paul's face went a bit grim as he walked in and took a seat in one of the arm chairs. Crossing his legs and fishing out his cigarettes.

"What's going on?" he questioned as he looked at our tight faces. "Did someone die or something?" he asked as he lit his cigarette. Looking right at me and his expression showing anticipation and not dread. Like he might enjoy hearing some bad news. I clenched the edge of the sofa and fought the urge to jump up and throttle him. Brian must have noticed as I felt him grip my thigh. Forcing me to remain restrained.

"This is quite serious..." Freddie stated as he eyed Paul sternly. "I'm afraid it is bad news and it involves you..." he explained. Paul's face shifted to wariness.

"What about me?" Paul inquired as he took a drag from his cigarette. I wondered for a moment if he knew what we were about to say. He kept his gaze on Freddie. Avoiding the rest of us.

"We know you're the mole Paul..." Freddie declared in a calm, but confident manner. I swore I almost saw him force back a grin. Like he found it funny that he was caught. My internal rage simmered.

"And what makes you so sure it's me?" he calmly replied. Exhaling smoke from his cigarette as he watched us all. Thinking we might just be speculating. He didn't know we had tangible proof.

"I've got the phone records from your hotel room in Rio..." Deacy informed him. "You called Michael Taylor on a daily basis to report our activities..." he clarified. Paul took another drag from his cigarette as we waited to get his reaction to the news. He turned and smashed the butt in the ashtray next to him and then turned back and looked right at me and Brian.

"You may not realize it...but I was doing you a favor..." Paul suddenly announced. Before I knew what I was doing I stood up and glared at him. Fists clenched.

"A favor???" I shouted. My anger simmering to the surface quickly. "You did us a fucking favor?" I questioned. "You betrayed us! All of us!" I barked at him. "We trusted you with our secrets!" I reminded him. I felt Brian's hands on my leg and side.

"Rog..." he beckoned to me. I knew he wanted me to calm down but I couldn't.

"I did it to protect you!" Paul responded. He had his eyes right on me and he didn't blink. "Your father approached me one day outside the offices and told me he was your Dad...and he offered me money to spy on you and report back...to tell him if you were doing anything he considered improper..." Paul said in his defense. "He rambled on about you being queer and how he couldn't accept it and wouldn't condone it...and that he was going to blackmail you to ensure you kept it private...so you wouldn't embarrass him and shame the family name..." Paul informed us.

"Embarrass him?" I replied in disbelief. "That fucking drunkard and abuser was worried about me embarrassing the family?" I exclaimed. Feeling incredulous at his motives.

"I didn't agree with him!" Paul interjected. "I only pretended to find out what he was actually up to...what he had planned!" he defended.

"And to take his money!" I pointed out in a heated tone. "And to lie to us about it!" I reminded him. Paul gave me an admonishing look.

"He wasn't paying much Roger...I assure you!" Paul told me in a scolding voice. It only made me angrier.

"I don't care what your motives are or how you think you did us any favors!" I shouted at him. "You lied to us and you betrayed us and you took money to spy on us!" I clarified to him.

"I protected you both!" Paul shouted back as he stood up. Still being imperious about his role in this. "I protected you and your children and I protected this band Roger!" he insisted.

"If you were on our side...why didn't you tell us about him approaching you and the offer he made?" Brian asked him before I could. Challenging his motives. I could see it was the question we all had. He had kept it from us.

"I felt it was best if I kept it to myself...kept up the illusion so he would believe it was all as he wanted it...to make sure he would keep his end of the deal..." Paul answered. I didn't buy a word of it.

"That is complete and utter bullshit!" I responded and walked towards him. My hand coming up as Crystal jumped up from his chair and came my way.

"Rog! Calm down mate!" Crystal warned me as he got between us. Placing his hands on my shoulders and eyeing me with a cautious look.

"But he's lying to us!" I argued as Crystal kept hold of me. "Just like he was all along!" I reminded him. All of them.

"Does Michael Taylor know you're gay?" Freddie asked Paul. A wide grin formed on Paul's face after hearing the question.

"That was the beauty of it!" Paul told him. "He thought I was like him...on his side!" he rationalized as he looked at us all. Clearly using this as another ploy to convince us of his intentions.

"What did you tell him when you called him?" Freddie then asked Paul. Crystal kept his eyes on me and his hands remained on my shoulders. Not allowing any sudden moves towards Paul. I watched as Paul took his seat again and relaxed. Crossing his legs and appearing almost cavalier.

"I told him exactly what he wanted to hear!" Paul announced smugly. Appearing proud. "I reported that you two were doing exactly as he had ordered and were only in each other's presence when band business required it!" he explained. "Even when I knew you were still together..." he added as he looked at Brian and myself. "I told him you were toeing the line and I was making sure you did!" he boasted.

"That doesn't make you a hero Paul!" Deacy chimed in. "No matter what you say to justify your behavior...you still deceived us..." he reminded him.

"I was protecting us all!" Paul argued back. Looking at Freddie now. "It was bad enough he was blackmailing those two...I didn't want him going after you next!" he suggested.

"This has nothing to do with me Paul!" Freddie countered. "That man threatened them both and their children!" Freddie reminded him. "He threatened to expose them and to have their children taken from them!" he pointed out. "You are supposed to be on their side and you betrayed them and in turn betrayed us all!" he accused. I realized something about Paul. Something that had occurred to me before and now I saw it to be true.

"This was just a game to you...wasn't it?" I asked him in a calmer voice. "You love messing people about and I think you did this because you enjoy toying with people..." I debated. Paul's reaction told me I was right.

"Don't be ridiculous!" Paul responded but his attempt to hide his amusement was evident.

"He's right!" Deacy agreed as he gauged Paul's expression. "You were playing both sides!" he said accusingly.

"Well...the game is over!" Freddie announced as he stood up and Paul turned towards him. "And your time with us has come to an abrupt end!" he declared. Eyeing Paul sternly.

"So you're dismissing me?" Paul questioned. Trying to show he was surprised by the news.

"What did you expect?" Freddie replied. "You can't believe that we would keep you on..." he said as Ratty stood up and Crystal loosened his hold on me.

"We're escorting you to your hotel room to have you pack your things..." Crystal informed Paul. "Then we're driving you to the airport..." he advised. "A ticket is waiting for you to go back to London..." The reality of the situation finally hit him as he saw Ratty take his arm to help him leave.

"What about my office?" Paul asked as Crystal came up to his other side. Ready to help escort him out.

"Jim Beach is taking care of that as we speak..." Deacy answered. "And someone will be waiting at your home to collect any business related material you have there..." he advised. Paul's face dropped at the news.

"You can't do this to me!" Paul complained. Trying to step away from Crystal and Ratty. "I've been a loyal employee!" he argued. "I've kept all your secrets! " he said as he looked at us all with derision in his eyes. "I never told that man anything he could use against you!" he said as Crystal took hold of his arm again to escort him from the flat.

"And you never will!" I reminded him. "You signed an agreement that you would not disclose our private business to the public and I hope you are wise enough to keep that agreement!" I warned. Paul glared at me and then looked over at Brian. Still seated on the sofa and appearing distraught over what was happening.

"I did it to protect your children!" Paul pleaded to Brian. "I would never have let him do anything to your kids! You have to know that!" he said as Ratty and Crystal began walking him from the room. Brian's face showed the pain of this entire situation as he watched Paul being led away.

"It's time to go Paul!" Crystal informed him as he kept him moving towards the front door. Ratty opened it as Crystal forced Paul through the doorway.

"Freddie!" Paul called out as a final plea as Phoebe walked up behind them and closed the door as they left. Resting against it and sighing as I went over to sit down next to Brian. Pulling him into my arms and sharing a comforting hug now that it was over.

"It's done Bri...it's over..." I told him as I rubbed my hand against his back. Watching Deacy pull Freddie into a hug of their own.

"I still can't believe he did this to us..." Freddie repeated as Deacy held him. Freddie looked up at me with guilt in his eyes. "I'm sorry..." he said quietly. Like this was somehow his fault.

"It's okay...it's not your fault..." I told Freddie as we stood and tried to come down from what had transpired.

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Freddie's POV

"Good night..." I told Phoebe as he left the living room to head for his bedroom. Drained like I was from the day's events. I finished my cigarette and extinguished it in the ashtray. I got up from the sofa and wrapped my kimono around me as I walked to my own room.

I closed my door and knew I had to make the phone call. Something inside me of knew I had to. I walked to the bed and sat down. Reaching for the telephone and dialing the familiar number. I steeled myself as the line rang and I waited.

"Hello..." came his voice in a sullen tone.

"It's me..." I told him.

"I'm surprised to hear from you..." Paul said back. "I thought you were finished with me!" he said in a snide manner.

"I'm calling because I want to be assured that you will not tell Michael Taylor you've been dismissed..." I advised him. "He still needs to think he has a spy in our midst..." I stated.

"And why do you think I would do that after you fired me?" he questioned. I knew what I needed to do and let out a sigh. I also knew he expected me to say it.

"Because I will pay you to keep up the ruse..." I said plainly.

"I wasn't lying when I said he didn't pay me much for my services..." Paul remarked. "I hope you know I expect to be amply rewarded to do this..." he informed me.

"I will mail you a check tomorrow..." I said promptly.

"I meant what I said about the children..." Paul suddenly told me. "I would never let him do something like what he threatened..." he said sincerely. "I'm not a monster Freddie..." he argued. I believed him in regards to the children but I also believed Roger was right. Paul liked toying with people and enjoyed the game.

"I know you're not..." I replied. Coddling him so he would cooperate. "I just ask that you continue doing as you have in your reports back to the man and let me know if something happens..." I carefully requested.

"I will...I promise..." Paul assured me.

"Thank you..." I told him and hung up the phone. It felt wrong to do this in a way. Mostly because Paul didn't deserve anything after his actions. I needed assurances Michael Taylor would not destroy my family. It was only money at the end of the day, and I was glad to part with it to make sure Roger, Brian and John were protected.

As I considered my love for them, I felt compelled to hear the voice of someone else I loved. I knew it was quite late but picked up the phone again and dialed the number. Shuffling back on the bed to get comfortable as the line rang.

"Hello...who is this??" Jim's landlady questioned as she answered.

"Hello...is Jim home?" I asked her. Knowing full well he was since he worked tomorrow and would be in bed at this hour.

"Do you know what time it is?" she asked me in a sharp tone.

"I'm out of the country and was calling to speak to him...I am sorry about the late hour..." I told her sweetly.

"He's asleep at this hour...I hope you know!" she barked at me. "Like I was before you rang!" she added.

"I am sorry..." I repeated.

"I will see if I can raise him..." she grumbled as I grinned at my success and waited. A few minutes later I heard the phone being picked up.

"Freddie..." Jim instantly said. "You can't do this!" he complained. "You can't call me at all hours of the night and wake me and Ivy up!" he scolded. I had forgot that was his landlady's name.

"I'm sorry dear...I truly am!" I pleaded. "But something horrible happened today and I needed to hear your voice..." I told him.

"What happened?" he asked me. His voice a little softer.

"I had to fire Paul today!" I revealed. "He had lied to us about something quite important and we had to dismiss him..." I said as I carefully chose my words. I had not told Jim about the situation with Brian and Roger.

"I'm sorry Freddie..." he told me tenderly. "Are you alright?" he asked. I felt warm inside at his concern.

"I'm still upset about it..." I confirmed. "I wish you were here to comfort me..." I confessed.

"I wish I was too Freddie...but I have to work..." he reminded me. His desire to keep working and keep his own flat had become problematic for me. I wanted him to move into Garden Lodge and he had hesitated to agree to it. Wanting to retain his independence. He lived an hour away from my place in London and I felt like I barely saw him.

"I know dear..." I acknowledged. Trying to show I was understanding. "I wish you would think some more about moving in with me when I move into Garden Lodge..." I asked him.

"Freddie..." he began to say as part of his speech about needing his independence.

"I just want you to think about it some more..." I interjected.

"I will..." he agreed. I missed his presence and soothing demeanor.

"You're still coming here this weekend...aren't you?" I asked him next. Wanting assurance he was keeping his plans.

"Yes...I will be there Friday night..." he confirmed. I smiled hearing it.

"Good!" I responded. "I miss you..." I told him truthfully.

"I miss you too..." he replied. I heard him yawn and suddenly felt guilty for waking him.

"You should get back to bed dear..." I said. "I will let you go..."

"Alright..." Jim responded. "I will see you Friday..." he stated.

"Yes...see you then..." I replied. "Good night..."

"Good night Freddie..." he told me quietly and hung up the phone. I cradled the phone and smiled at the knowledge he would be here within a few days. It occurred me to how much I wanted him here and how much I wanted him in my life.

As I switched off the lamp and crawled under the blanket, I realized how much I loved him and knew that I had to convince him to move in with me. How that would happen was my new mission in life.

That and finishing the words to that song of Roger's. They really were quite dreadful!

Chapter Text

27th September 1985

London

Roger's POV

It was good news all around these days. Well, almost all of it. We finished work in Munich and decided to continue recording using some London studios. I needed to be home for Felix, Dom and Tiger Lily. Chrissie was due in a few weeks so Brian was better off remaining here. Deacy was happy to have some family time as well and for once, Freddie wanted to work out of London. His new boyfriend Jim refused to pull up roots and go to Munich, so Freddie was ready to come back home and take up residence in his new Kensington compound. He was clearly in love and wanted to be in the same town as his lover. We all liked Jim. Our time with him had been short, but he was down to earth and kept Freddie on his toes and wasn't duly impressed by his fame and fortune. I found these to be good qualities.

There was also a new lightness in our lives with Paul being out of the picture. The other staff members didn't seem to miss him and neither did I. It was obvious there was a wound there for Freddie since he had a close relationship with Paul. He kept his feelings close to the vest on the matter. While we did rid ourselves of the mole, we did not rid ourselves of my father.

He remained in place as our blackmailer. Still expecting his monthly payment in exchange for his silence along with Brian and I remaining apart. Our children split as well. That had not changed with Paul's outing and dismissal. While this continued to be a blow to us all, everyone had begun to adjust to different lives. For better for for worse. It's just how things were and there was no way of knowing when it would end.

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Dom and I stood and watched as the nurse placed Felix on the scale. Holding our breath to see what he weighed. It was all smiles as the needle moved much further than it had in the past weeks.

"What progress you've made!" Nurse Adams cooed to our son as she noted his weight and picked him up. Handing him off to Dom and picking up the chart to add his new reading to his history. Dom bounced him gently in her arms. Giving him an affectionate expression. Pleased with his weight gain.

"Is that enough?" I asked the nurse as she finished her writing.

"That's for the doctor to decide..." she reminded me. I was hoping with his steady weight gain and good health, he could go ahead and leave the hospital. We were aching for him to get out of here and come home. Take up residence in his new nursery.

"Alright..." I replied as the nurse patted my arm for reassurance. Dom and I shared a look of hopefulness as the door opened and the doctor came in.

"Good morning!" the doctor greeted us in a cheerful tone. Smiling as he looked right at Felix. "How's our little hero doing today?" he asked us.

"He's definitely got Roger's lungs..." Dom teased as the doctor chuckled at her remark. "He's a screamer when he's hungry..." she told him. "And that seems to be more often these days..."

"That's good..." the doctor told her as she placed Felix on the exam table and the doctor began looking him over. We stepped back and observed as our son got another full exam. I put my arm around Dom for support and she leaned into my side as we waited to hear if our son was big enough to go home.

"A nice result on the weight gain..." the doctor said out loud as he reviewed the chart. He handed it back to the nurse and smiled at us. "I think I have good news for you..." he advised. "I think Felix is ready to go home..." he declared. Both Dom and I let out sounds of delight at the news.

"Thank you so much for everything you've done!" I told the doctor as I shook his hand and he began telling us the details for Felix's discharge the next day. We got a reminder about a car seat and what time we could collect him. After signing some forms, we kissed our son with a promise to collect him in the morning. I took Dom's hand and we left the nursery.

"I hope tomorrow is the last time we see this place..." Dom remarked as we headed to the lift.

"Let's just be happy he is going home and not say anything to jinx it..." I cautioned. As we stepped in the lift and I pressed the button for the lobby, I couldn't help but think about Brian's parents being on the 3rd floor. I wanted so badly to tell them that their grandchild was upstairs and they could see him in the nursery. Brian wasn't suppose to know about his father's hospital stay, so I wasn't either. I forced it from my mind as we left the hospital and headed home. Eager to share the good news with everyone.

-------------------------------------------

"Hey Brian...it's me..." I said into the phone. His answer machine picking up. "I wanted to let you know we are bringing Felix home tomorrow..." I stated. "We should be back by noon and I want to figure out when we can arrange for Jimi to see him..." I advised. Wanting to keep the promise Brian made to our son about seeing his brother. "Call me when you get a chance..." I said as I hung up the phone.

I reached over and picked up my glass of wine. Enjoying it after a hectic day. I got up from my desk and carried my wine. Heading back to the living room and finding my daughter half asleep on the sofa. Partly draped in a blanket. The television was on some syndicated showing of an American tv series. I wasn't familiar with it. I went over and plopped down next to my daughter.

'What are you watching?" I questioned.

"Some new show from America...it's called Family Ties..." she answered. I reached over and pinched her sock covered foot that stuck out from under her blanket. Making her giggle.

"Is it any good?" I asked. She nodded as she kept her eyes on the program.

"It's alright..." she replied. She finally turned and looked at me. "Did you talk to Dad?" she asked me.

"I got the answer machine..." I responded. She appeared disappointed.

"What time are you picking up Felix tomorrow?" she then asked me as she sat up and reached for the tv remote.

"10..." I confirmed. She smiled as she switched off the telly.

"I think Mia is going to hang a welcome home banner..." she revealed as she stood up from the sofa and stretched.

"That sounds like something she'd do..." I said as Tigs grabbed her blanket and half slung it around her shoulders. Some of it falling to the floor behind her.

"I'll have the camera so we can get some pictures..." she advised. "I'm off to bed..." she announced. "Been a long day..." she remarked as she watched me stand up. I leaned in and we shared a quick chaste kiss.

"It has..." I agreed. "Good night..." I said as she smiled at me and walked from the room. Dragging her blanket behind her as she went. Reminding me so much of when she was little.

I turned out the lights and headed for the bedroom. I stepped in to find Dom talking on the phone. She was sitting up in bed wearing a robe and I knew she was speaking with her mother. The conversation being in French. I half listened as I went into the bathroom. Changing clothes and slipping on some silk pajamas. Cleaning up for bed. As I walked out, I heard Dom say good night and she hung up the phone as I reached the bed.

"My mother was very happy to know Felix is coming home..." Dom told me as I sat down by her.

"I imagine she is..." I replied as we shared a contented smile between us. Still glowing from the good news today. "My Mom was quite chuffed to hear about it too..." I said as Dom moved her notebook from her lap over to her nightstand.

"I am so glad you were there today..." she told me as she looked at me with appreciation. I reached over and touched her leg.

"I am too..." I responded. Squeezing her calf.

"You being in London will be nice..." she said as she shuffled closer to me. "I missed you..." she remarked as she leaned in and kissed me. I kissed her back.

"I missed you too..." I told her. "I hated not being here while you were dealing with everything..." I confessed. She pressed her finger to my lips and shook her head.

"You've done more than I expected from you..." she told me sincerely. "You've really been there for me and I appreciate it..." she said as she ran her hand inside the fold of my pajama top.

"We make a good team..." I replied as I felt her hand go deeper into my top. Touching my chest and her face expressed desire as she looked at me. I was surprised by this. She'd just had the baby 4 weeks ago. I leaned in to kiss her. Offering this to see if it indicated what I thought I saw in her face. She quickly opened her mouth to mine. Our tongues engaged as she slid her hand out of my top and down to my crotch.

"What do you wanting to do?" I asked her as we rested our foreheads together. Wanting to be sure I knew what limits she needed. She gently squeezed my cock through my pajama bottoms.

"I'm good for whatever you're in the mood for..." she replied as I ran my hand across her back. "Just keep clear of my breasts...they're a bit tender..." she cautioned.

"Okay..." I nodded as I leaned in for another kiss. She leaned back on the bed and pulled me with her. Our bodies fully connecting as I laid on top of her. We began exploring each other and shedding clothes as we went. I was mindful of her chest and was tentative about her stomach. It was still not quite gone. I found her small tummy a little sexy. I ran my hand over it as she slipped out of her panties. "You look cute with your little tummy..." I told her. She grinned as she watched me strip off the rest of my clothes.

"I like your little tummy too..." she said sweetly as she leaned over and first pressed a kiss to the soft flesh of my stomach and then moved her mouth down to my cock. It felt heavenly and I watched her blow me with building need. When she broke from it, she sat up and pulled her hair back. "Get the lube..." she ordered as she laid on her back and I reached into my drawer for the small tube of lubricant.

I spread some on my fingers and began stroking her as we resumed kissing. After any concern about it being uncomfortable passed, we quickly shifted to intercourse. Both of us feeling the urge as I pushed in slowly. Making sure she wasn't having any pain. I was soon thrusting in and out of her and pulling one of her arms above her head as we fucked. Both of us focused on the sensation and silent as we moved together. Her legs wrapped around my waist and beckoning more from me.

"Christ!" I shouted as I suddenly realized I was finishing. Sooner than I normally did and I sighed with a mix of disappointment it was over so fast, but pleasure in getting off after weeks of celibacy. I pulled out and worked to finish Dom off as she enjoyed my fingers and my kisses. Reaching her peak and seeming content as I laid next to her and rested my head on her shoulder. Careful to avoid her tender breasts.

"That was nice..." she remarked as we laid there together.

"It was..." I agreed. Sharing a lazy kiss with her. We finally stirred and Dom grabbed her robe and pulled it on as she headed for the bathroom. I laid back. Happy and tired.

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30th September 1985

London

Brian's POV

It had become fruitless to even try to go to bed at the time Chrissie did. She was tired due to her advanced pregnancy and adjourned to the bedroom by 10. Jimi was staying with his school friend, Sam, tonight. It was too late to call friends to chat. Most worked regular jobs and calling them past 10 was somewhat rude. I dialed the phone, hoping to get my favorite person to chat with.

"Hello..." he answered in a quiet voice.

"It's me...am I calling too late?" I asked him after hearing his tone. I knew they had brought Felix home yesterday and maybe they were adjusting to the baby.

"I can talk for a minute..." Roger replied. I was glad as I needed to hear his voice.

"Alright..." I told him. "How is Felix handling the transition to home?" I asked him.

"He's doing okay..." Roger answered. "Just trying to get him on a schedule and we are adjusting to him being here now..." he explained. "The 24 hour cycle..." Roger remarked. "You remember how it was..." he said as I smiled and recalled taking care of Jimi as a newborn. The middle of the night awakenings and everything being at the mercy of his needs.

"Yeah...I do..." I said with sentiment. "It wrecks you a bit...but it's worth it..." I reminded him.

"It is..." Roger agreed. "How is Chrissie managing?" he then asked me. "She's only got a few more weeks..."

"She's tired...but she's doing okay...no real problems...just starting to get miserable from being so big..." I told him.

"Yeah...Dom managed to avoid the worst of that...but I think she'd trade what she had for the misery..." he remarked.

"But Felix turned out fine...right?" I replied. "The doctor said he should end up okay..." I pointed out.

"Yes...it's just been stressful for her...for me too..." Roger confessed. "To be honest...we kind of bonded more over the experience..." he said candidly. I didn't want to hear this, but he was just being honest with me. I couldn't begrudge him that.

"I'm glad he is home now...things can settle down for you both..." I said to be encouraging.

"And we're recording here...so we can be together and be with the kids..." Roger noted.

"We can work together...we can't be together..." I reminded him. Despite Paul being outed and dismissed, it didn't change the fact we couldn't get back together. We were still stuck living apart and keeping the children apart. Paul not being around would make it easier to find those rare moments when we could be personally together. Roger and I hoped to find an opportunity for Jimi to see Felix. We needed Felix settled in first.

"Brian...I know this isn't ideal..." Roger responded. "We're just doing the best we can..." he said. I felt like he somehow had landed the better deal in all this but I held my tongue.

"I know..." I answered quietly. I knew I needed to hang up before I either made him mad or made myself more discouraged than I already felt. "I'll let you go Rog...I'm sure you're tired with the baby and all..." I told him.

"Alright...I'll see you tomorrow at the studio..."

"Yeah...see you there..." I replied. "I love you..." I said and waited for him to reply.

"Love you too babe..." he told me.

"Forever...." I added.

"Forever...." he said and I heard him hang up.

2 hours later

I sat and tinkered at the piano and had my notebook and a tape recorder next to me. I was trying to put the finishing touches on the song for the Highlander film. I kept finding my mind drifting from my task. I looked over the lyrics again to try and refocus.

'There's no chance for us....it's all decided for us...this world has only one sweet moment set aside for us....'

Thinking about the film and that scene where he has to say goodbye to his beloved made me think of being forced apart from Roger. I felt the weight of my words considering this and wondered if I should stop working on this for now. Before it got the best of me. I closed my notebook and the lid to the piano and sighed heavily. Still feeling wide awake and that restlessness I get was in full swing.

I went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of juice. I stood drinking it as I thought about how the call with Roger had ended. With our situation really no better than it was before. I felt frustrated by it and emptied my glass and rinsed it out. Knowing I should try and think of something more positive right now. I returned to my office and decided to make a list of things I needed to do in the next week. I grabbed my pen and jotted down some errands I needed to run. I made a note of some things I wanted Jobby to handle for me regarding the studio. I began to focus on some final things to tend to at home when I realized I should probably do something about the garden. Autumn was about here, but my lawn needed a final once over. I found a pair of sneakers in the storage bin by the back door and slipped them on.

I went outside and walked to my back garden shed. Despite the late hour, I had a trusty old manual grass cutter. No noise to wake the neighbors or Chrissie! I smiled at my ingenuity at buying one of these when the warmer months hit. I switched on the back patio light and it was just enough to give me sight of the back lawn. I began mowing in purposeful strips. Careful not to miss anything as I went. Feeling productive and satisfied as I moved along. Enjoying the cold night air and a glimpse of the stars above me despite the city lights.

Doing this ordinary task made me think of simpler times. The days of my youth when I would cut the grass at my childhood home. Helping my parents tend the garden and keeping our place neat and tidy. As I mowed another strip I realized that my father was probably unable to take care of his garden right now. With his treatment and hospital confinement, he couldn't manage it. I instantly pictured him coming home to the sight of an unkempt lawn and felt horrible at the prospect. He would hate that and feel obligated to try and cut it. Even though he didn't know that I was aware of his cancer, I felt compelled to take care of his lawn. It was something I could do since there was nothing else I had control over.

I finished my own back lawn and hosed off the blades of my cutter. I cleaned up my shoes and then walked my cutter through the side gate and went and placed it in the boot of my Jaguar. I got in my car and slowly backed out of the drive. Heading for Feltham and still enjoying the cold night air.

I managed to run the cutter over my parent's front lawn before I began to feel the pull of fatigue. I decided I should head home and returned my grass cutter to my boot and drove back to Barnes. I was now quite sleepy as I arrived in my driveway. I decided to leave the cutter in the boot and went inside the house. Slipping off my grass stained shoes on the front porch before walking in my socks up the stairs. Pulling off my dirty clothes as I went. I left them in a pile on the floor by my side of the bed and slid under the covers wearing only my briefs. Tired and ready to give in to the pull of sleep.

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1st October 1985

London

Freddie's POV

"You and your independence!" I snapped at Jim. Annoyed at his refusal to let me pay for everything. "Why won't you let me take care of you?" I questioned. My hands on my hips and my face showing my frustration.

"Because I can take care of myself..." Jim argued. I groaned and turned to walk away from him. Not understanding why he wouldn't just agree to my terms.

"You are so fucking stubborn!" I complained as I walked over to the table and reached for my cigarettes. Pulling one out as I turned back to face him. Lighting it. Seeing the firm set of his face. Unmovable.

"You're one to talk!" he shot back. I crossed my arms in front of me and glared at him. It was moments like this I questioned if we really belonged together. Jim also stood and glared back. Not budging on the matter.

"Do you want to move in or not?" I bellowed at him. Growing tired of this. Jim smirked at me.

"I do Freddie...I just want to pay my share of things...that's all..." he reasoned. I hated how practical he sounded. I felt defeat was near.

"Fine!" I told him. Raising my hands up in surrender. "You can pay something every month towards the bloody household expenses!" I declared. Seeing a triumphant smile erupt on his face. Jim walked towards me and opened his arms. Offering me a conciliatory hug. I struggled not to leap into them.

"I just want to know I'm contributing something..." Jim told me tenderly as he got in front of me. Still offering an embrace. I gave in and let him pull me into his arms. Savoring the feel of his strong hands on my back and the scent of his aftershave.

"I know you do dear..." I replied. Wanting to sound less aggrieved over the matter. My voice softening as I spoke. "I've just always taken care of those I love..." I explained. Jim suddenly pulled me back from his arms and looked at me with surprise in his face.

"Are you saying you love me?" he asked me plainly. I realized I had slipped. Using those words. I had yet to confess I was in love with him. Holding out for him to say it first. I usually was the one who said it first in my past relationships, but I wanted this time to be different. Yet, I had gone and said it subconsciously. I kept my arms around his neck and gazed into his warm eyes.

"I confess!" I admitted. "I'm in love with you..." I told him. Jim formed a wide smile.

"I love you too Freddie..." he told me sweetly. I was elated hearing it and smiled back. We shared a tender kiss.

"So you'll come live with me...help take care of me and I can take care of you...as much as you will let me?" I questioned. Jim nodded.

"I will..." he replied. "And you'll take the money I give you each month without any fuss?" he asked me. I nodded. Ready to concede.

"I will..." I answered. Jim took my hand and kissed it. Holding it tight as he looked at me with affection. Making my heart melt. He then laughed lightly. Finding something amusing.

"If we keep this up...we'll almost sound like we're reciting vows..." he remarked. I realized we were making promises and saying 'I will' to each other. I laughed back. Loving the sentiment.

"If that is what we are doing...then I have another one to add..." I advised him. He appeared curious.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Will you promise to always tell me you love me? Everyday and whenever I ask?" I requested. Seeing his face go funny at my demand.

"Of course I will..." Jim said as he kept his amusement. I had to know why he found it funny.

"Why are you smiling like that?" I asked him. "Why is it funny?' I questioned. He made a huffing sound.

"You've got millions of people around the world telling you they love you every time you step on stage..." he told me. "I figured you get told all day how much you're loved..." he pointed out. It was true. Fans always told me how much they loved my music and my live performances. How they love me in videos and loved meeting me. I understood that point he was making.

"I do get told by my fans that they love me..." I agreed. "But I need you to tell me you love me when I am standing all alone in this house. When I am just me..." I confessed. Wanting him to see the difference.

"I think I can manage that..." Jim replied sincerely. As he looked at me with that love displayed in his face, I felt like my future finally held the promise of a real relationship. Jim tightened his hold on my hand and began moving. Having me follow as he walked towards the stairs.

"Where are we going?" I asked him as we began heading to the bottom floor.

"Now that I'm moving in...I need to see about that garden of yours..." he announced.

"I've had a landscaper in...he's already done it..." I reminded him. Jim kept hold of my hand and looked determined.

"Well...we'll see about that..." he said as I grinned at him showing another aspect of his stubbornness to me. One I could manage as I followed him out the door to inspect the grounds.

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A/N - just a reminder this is fiction and there are real life elements that are and will come into play in this and coming chapters that had their actual timeline altered. Thanks

Chapter Text

3rd October 1985

London

Freddie's POV

For some reason I kept thinking about that line from The Beatles song...'I read the news today...oh boy...' It seemed fitting as I was handed the newspaper and informed that Rock Hudson had died. It was like a gut punch. Here was a famous man who had hid his personal life from the world and worked as a successful actor for decades. He was one of the Hollywood elite and had countless friends in the business. Friends who knew he was gay and kept his secret.

Now the whole world knew. They only knew because he had contracted AIDS. It has been a major news story since July and the tabloids had gone into overdrive to print stories about his past and his secret affairs with men. Raking him over the coals and exposing everything as he slowly ebbed away. Seeing these articles shook me to my core as I saw a private life made public. His reputation destroyed and his legacy permanently scarred.

I hadn't really talked to anyone about it, but I found myself reading any article printed about AIDS. About HIV. While I tried to avoid the gossip sheets, I found I couldn't ignore them. I needed to know what was being said about other people. About the gay community. It was shocking to see the vile things said in print. The judgement and rebuking of people living that lifestyle. A constant reference was made to this being a plague set upon my kind as some kind of punishment. It made any inclination I ever had about being more public about my private life disappear.

Now I saw watching the ITV news report and the top story was about Rock. I sat and watched. Unable to bear it, yet unable to turn away. The reality of the situation made me realize something and I shuddered as I could no longer deny that I needed to get a test.

"Freddie...Roger's on the phone..." Phoebe announced as he walked into my line of vision. I kept my eyes on the program and reached for the phone on the table next to me. Picking it up as I watched the end of the story.

"Hello dear..."

"I know you've heard...Phoebe told me..." Roger replied.

"Yes...I'm watching the news as we speak..." I confirmed.

"How are you feeling about it?" Roger asked me. "With him being outed and judged in the press..." he said as I reached for my cigarettes. My eyes still on the television as the news story ended.

"Probably the same as you dear..." I replied. "Absolutely amazed at how vile the newspapers are and those fucking people on television who keep saying this is a punishment for our sins are an abomination!" I complained.

"That's about how I'm feeling..." Roger concurred. I lit my cigarette and grabbed the television remote. Switching off the news. No longer interested in their reporting on the matter. Somewhat disgusted by it all.

"Have you talked to Brian about it?" I questioned.

"No...I'll see him in the studio today..." Roger answered. We were all headed into the studio this afternoon to work on a new song.

"I will see you there I guess..." I told him. Not sure what else to say.

"Freddie...can I ask you something?" Roger suddenly stated in a contemplative tone. I had a feeling I knew what the question would be.

"Of course..." I replied as I prepared to answer.

"Have you had a test yet?" he asked. Exactly what I knew was on his mind.

"No...but I imagine it's time..." I answered in a quiet manner. We were both silent as I worked on draining my cigarette.

"See you at the studio..." Roger finally remarked.

"Yes...see you then..." I replied and hung up the phone.

---------------------------------

15th October 1985

London

Brian's POV

"I'm off for the studio..." I announced as I carried my cup to the sink. Chrissie remained seated as she read the rest of the newspaper and ate her lunch. Resting on top of a bed pillow to offer her more comfort. She could have the baby at any time now.

"How long do you think you'll be?" she questioned as she looked up at me.

"Probably until it's time to go see Felix..." I replied. Not wanting to make a promise I couldn't keep.

"Jimi is excited..." she pointed out as I walked over to her to say goodbye. "I just hope him being out late doesn't make him too sleepy for school..." Chrissie pondered as I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. She smiled at me.

"I think he'll manage one late night..." I assured her. I knew Jimi wasn't going to give up finally seeing his new brother.

"Call me if you need to..." I reminded her as I headed out of the kitchen.

"I will...have a good session..." she said as I grabbed my coat from the front closet and reached for my bag.

"Thanks...bye..." I replied and headed out.

-----------------------------------------

I handed my demo tape to the technician and had a seat next to the others. We all waited for the tape begin playing and I watched the others for their reaction to the song. Freddie in particular, as the decision about how it would be sang were a bit demanding. I struggled through the vocal on my demo in some parts and Freddie eyed me as he listened. It finally finished. The first run through of 'Who Wants To Live Forever.'

"You sure like to make me climb the highest mountains on your bloody songs!" Freddie half complained to me. Smiling in a teasing manner as he said it. I smirked back.

"Only because I know you can do it!" I pointed out in a snide retort. Freddie's expression softened.

"It is a beautiful piece dear..." he told me sincerely. "It's perfect for the film..." he said in a complimentary tone.

"It's really nice..." Deacy said as Roger nodded agreement.

"It is Bri..." Roger told me. "It's quite powerful..." he said as I smiled at his approval.

"Thanks..." I told them all. "I quite like it..." I concurred as we all shared a warm expression.

"Let's talk about your arrangement..." Freddie suggested as he walked to the piano. Taking a seat as I pulled out my notebook.

"Freddie...you've got a phone call..." Crystal announced over the intercom. He got up from the piano.

"Give me a minute..." he requested and walked from the room. I opened my notebook to find my notes as Deacy got up to get some coffee. Roger leaned over my shoulder to look at my notes.

"It really is good babe..." Roger said as he placed a hand on my shoulder.

"It will be even better when Freddie sings it..." I pointed out. Roger squeezed my shoulder.

"I know some parts were a struggle for you...but you sounded really nice on the intro..." he replied. It made me feel good to hear it. The door opened and Freddie came back in. Looking right at me.

"Now you've got a call..." Freddie informed me as he walked towards me. I got up and Roger stepped back as I headed for the control room. I went in and found the tech gesturing at the wall phone. It was blinking. I went over and pressed the button as I picked up the handset.

"Hello..."

"Brian...it's me..." Chrissie replied in a matter of fact voice. "I'm sorry to call you at the studio...but I've gone into labor..." she informed me. My eyes went wide as I realized she was having the baby.

"Are you sure?" I questioned. Remembering the false alarms that often occur before the actual event.

"Brian...I'm a trained midwife...I know when someone is in labor..." she reminded me coolly. I felt like an idiot.

"Right...sorry..." I told her meekly. My face warm with embarrassment. "I'll head home right now..." I told her.

"I think you should just meet me at the hospital..." she replied. "The car service is on their way to collect me and I called Sam's mother and she is going to pick up Jimi from school..." Chrissie explained. She had adeptly made a plan with Jimi's friends mother in the event she went into labor on a school day. I admired her organization and execution.

"I'm on my way..." I told her and hung up the phone. I tried to get excited by the prospect of seeing the baby soon and realized I had forgot to ask how she was doing. How she was feeling on the call. I felt bad about it as I returned to the others to inform them I had to leave.

"I'm afraid I've got to go..." I announced as I looked at them all. Seeing their surprise at my news.

"We've just got started..." Freddie complained. Deacy had a knowing look on his face.

"It's Chrissie isn't it?" he asked. "Is the baby coming? he questioned.

"Yes..." I replied as Roger nodded and Freddie shifted to excitement.

"Do you want me to drive you?" he offered. "I've got my car here..." he advised. I had not driven myself in today and now regretted it. A ride from Roger wasn't unwelcome in the least though.

"Yeah..." I answered as I grabbed my things and Roger began collecting his as well.

------------------------------------------

"You excited?" Roger asked me as he drove towards the private maternity hospital Chrissie had chosen to give birth at. It was the Queen Charlotte hospital and was just down Goldhawk Road from the studio where we're working at today.

"I am..." I answered half truthfully. "I need something good in my life right now..." I confessed. "Something to take my mind off my Dad and off of our situation..." I explained. Roger nodded understanding and seemed pensive.

"I know you're miserable Brian..." he remarked. "I hope the baby will makes things more bearable for you..." Roger said sincerely.

"I hope so too..." I agreed. "It's funny..." I said as I considered my life right now. "When I'm in the studio with you all and we're busy on a song or an idea...I can forget about everything else..." I told him. "I can forget that we're not really together and that I'm with Chrissie and that my father isn't hiding his cancer from me..." I confessed. "For those hours...everything is just like it once was..." I dreamed. Roger formed a small smile.

"I know what you mean..." he said as he focused on driving. "Sometimes I wish my Dad had offed himself ages ago or driven his car into a tree or something..." Roger admitted. "I don't understand how he continues to breathe in this world and the better father is the one who got cancer..." Roger said bitterly. He turned and looked at me. "It should be the other way around..." he declared. I appreciated his words but it didn't change what had happened.

"I guess that is what that statement means..." I remarked. "Only the good die young..." I said as Roger frowned at me.

"You don't know that your father is going to die Brian..." Roger said firmly. "Don't think like that!" he cautioned.

"If my father was confident the cancer wasn't going to win...I would already know he has it..." I told him plainly. "I'm just trying to face the worst scenario Rog...I do want him to live..." I clarified.

"Right..." he agreed as he sighed and slowed down. We were already at the hospital.

"Thanks for bringing me..." I told him as we both fought the compulsion to kiss each other goodbye. Roger reached over with his hand and took mine. Squeezing it.

"I love you Brian..." he told me with a sweetness in his voice. "Forever..." he added as our eyes conveyed everything we mean to each other.

"Forever..." I replied as I pulled my hand from his and slipped out of the car.

**** 7 hours later ****

"You have a girl!" Billie, the midwife announced as Chrissie laid back and let out a massive breath of relief. The baby was laid gently on her abdomen. Still crying a bit as the midwife tended to her.

I was in awe of Chrissie's self control and management of birth. I knew the pain would be intense and she had weathered every contraction with focus and determination. Never letting on that the pain was too much or complaining about the long process of delivering a baby.

She had gripped my hand tightly multiple times and actually groaned more than once but the tears that finally slid from her eyes down her cheeks were the ones she shed knowing her baby was safely in the world and her work was done.

Now the baby was being placed in her arms and the look of immediate love and adoration on Chrissie's face did lift my spirits. Seeing the pure joy she radiated at finally being a mother made all my own misery worth this moment.

"My sweet little girl..." Chrissie cooed to her as she stroked her cheek and looked her over. "Oh... you are just so perfect..." she whispered to her. Chrissie looked over at me as her fingers examined the baby's head. Noticing the lack of hair. "She doesn't have your curls..." she noted.

"She's just beautiful..." I told Chrissie. "Her hair hasn't come in yet and we'll see if she has your hair or mine..." I added.

"I know..." Chrissie replied. "I had just imagined a little mass of ringlets..." she remarked as she continued looking over her new little girl.

"We need to get her measurements and clean her up..." the midwife announced as she stepped closer. Chrissie nodded and let Billie take the baby. "We'll just be a few minutes..." she assured Chrissie as she walked over to the other side of the room.

"She's already calm...just like you..." I remarked as Chrissie shifted a little to get more comfortable. I reached for a fresh damp cloth and handed it to her as she used it to wipe her face. Steadily eyeing the midwife as she gave the baby a quick wash and took her vitals.

"She's so long...she gets that from you..." Chrissie replied with an amused expression. "I imagine she'll be taller than me before she's a teenager..." she surmised. We both shared a slight giggle at the notion.

"I imagine so..." I replied. The midwife returned with a clean baby swaddled in a blanket.

"Here she is..." Billie declared quietly. "She's just lovely Chrissie..." she remarked as she told her the baby's weight and measurements and that everything looked good. Chrissie took the baby back and cuddled her for a few minutes. I leaned over and stroked her little cheek. Running my hand over her small bald head and finding myself somewhat smitten with the tiny girl.

"Go ahead and hold her..." Chrissie offered. "Then you can call Jimi and tell him he has a sister..." she stated. I instantly wanted to correct her and remind her that Jimi does have a sister. Tiger Lily is still his sister! I held my tongue and tried not to frown as I took the baby from Chrissie. Not wanting to be annoyed at this important moment. I forgot how small and light newborns are. So delicate but strong at the same time. I let go of my irritation and just took in the sight of my little girl as I held her in my arms.

"Do you have a name for her?" Billie asked as she began cleaning Chrissie up from the delivery. I looked up at Chrissie for her answer. Since the baby was hers primarily, I had left that decision up to her. I know she had narrowed it down to a few names for each gender.

"I think she'll be Louisa..." Chrissie replied. Billie smiled warmly at her.

"That's a lovely choice..." she remarked as she looked at me. "Louisa May..." she stated and grinned. "If she marries an Alcott she could be a famous writer..." she teased. I had a feeling someone might pick up on this if Chrissie chose that name.

"Her father is famous enough..." Chrissie responded before I could say anything. I nodded agreement.

"Yes...some anonymity will be just fine..." I added as Billie continued her work and Chrissie and I focused on Louisa. "I guess I'll go make the call..." I advised as I handed her back to Chrissie. I leaned down and pressed a kiss to my new daughter's forehead and then pressed one to Chrissie's as well. Feeling a bit emotional at the realization I was a father again. Trying to get worked up about it.

I went out to the waiting area adjoining the private suite and picked up the phone. Pulling out the phone numbers Chrissie had jotted down for me. Dialing the number for Sam's house.

"Lawson residence..." a man answered.

"Hi...this is Brian May calling...can I speak to Mrs. Lawson please?" I requested. I checked my watch and found it was just after 9pm so it wasn't terribly late.

"One moment..." the man stated. I wasn't sure if that was Sam's father or a servant.

"Brian!" Mrs. Lawson greeted. "I'm assuming a phone call means the baby is here!" she stated.

"Yes..." I confirmed.

"Jimi will be thrilled!" she responded. "He didn't want to go to bed as he was hoping you'd call..." she explained. "Let me get him and you can tell him the good news..." she said sweetly.

"Thanks..." I replied and waited as she collected my son. I looked around the room and admired how well appointed it was. The private wing here was very nice. I could stay here tonight in a guest bed in the room with Chrissie.

"Hey Dad!" Jimi said excitedly into the phone. "Is the baby here?" he asked me. I smiled at his enthusiasm.

"Yes..." I confirmed.

"Is it a boy?" he instantly questioned.

"It's a girl Jimi..." I advised. "Louisa..." I added so he knew her name.

"Can I call her Louie?" he then asked me as he made a laughing sound. I laughed back imagining the look on Chrissie's face at the nickname.

"We might need to see how Chrissie feels about that..." I cautioned.

"Okay..." he said. "Can I come up and see her?" he then asked. "You were supposed to take me to see Felix tonight..." he reminded me.

"Sorry...I know you were looking forward to that..." I replied. "We can do it in the next few days..." I promised. "Let's just get Chrissie and the baby home and settled first...okay?"

"Alright..." he answered and yawned. It was clear he needed to get some sleep.

"You should go...you've got school in the morning..." I reminded him. "Let me talk to Mrs. Lawson..." I requested.

"Okay..." he told me. "Bye Dad...see you tomorrow?" he questioned.

"Yes...I'll get you from school..." I replied.

"Good night..." he said.

"Good night..." I replied and heard him hang up the phone. I was annoyed that he forgot to get Mrs. Lawson and began dialing the phone again. It rang and I hoped she would answer.

'Hello..." came the familiar female voice. I was relieved.

"Hi...its' Brian again..." I told her. "I asked Jimi if I could speak to you but he hung up..." I explained.

"Yes...he ran off to tell Sam about his new sister..." she told me. "He's so excited!"

"It is exciting..." I agreed. "Thank you for keeping him...I really appreciate it..." I told her.

"It's no trouble at all..." she assured me. "Sam adores Jimi and I do as well...he's such a lamb..." she remarked. I was glad to hear he was well behaved when visiting there.

"I will pick him up from school tomorrow..." I explained. "We will come up to see the baby then..."

"Alright...congratulations Brian...and give Chrissie my best!" Mrs. Lawson replied.

"I will...thanks..." I advised and hung up the phone. I suddenly felt drained and fell back into the sofa. Closing my eyes for a moment. Feeling overwhelmed. Trying to figure out how I ended up in this place. Before I let myself fall into my thoughts, I rose up and returned to Chrissie. Finding her already sitting up and feeding Louisa.

"What did Jimi say?" she instantly asked me as I came back to sit down next to her bed.

"He was excited...he wants to see her!" I advised and grinned. "He wanted to know if he could call her Louie..." I informed her. Chrissie laughed.

"How silly...and sweet..." she remarked. "When are you bringing him up?" she questioned.

"Tomorrow after school..." I confirmed. "I spoke with Mrs. Lawson and she was happy to have Jimi stay over..." I assured her. I watched as Chrissie cradled Louisa. Coaxing her to feed at her breast. I still marveled at the profoundness of it.

"When I finish feeding her...I am going to get some rest..." Chrissie announced. I knew she had to be tired and her second wind of energy at finally seeing her child was waning.

"I'm going to run home and get some clothes..." I told her. She nodded understanding as she focused on the baby. Chrissie then turned and looked at me. Tears forming in her eyes.

"Thank you Brian..." she said as the tears spilled down her cheeks. Making me emotional seeing it. "Thank you for making me a mother..." she told me. Any misgivings I felt about my overall situation faltered as I acknowledged the gift I had given her.

"You're welcome Chrissie..." I replied as I sat and watched her give nourishment to her new child and relish in her arrival. I wished I could be as happy as Chrissie was right now. There was a new child in my life and I love children. A wave of guilt pored through me that I wasn't elated over this. Wasn't feeling the same things she was feeling. This is not how you should feel when you become a parent. I stood up from my chair and leaned over and pressed a kiss to Louisa's head and then one to Chrissie's. "I'll be back..." I stated as I walked from the room and felt like running as soon as I reached the hallway.

I arrived home and paid the taxi driver and went inside. Feeling numb and feeling guilty over how I lacked the appropriate joy in my new daughter's arrival. It was shameful and my stomach knotted as I went straight to the bathroom and thought I might be ill. After standing over the toilet for several minutes, I realized I wasn't going to vomit. I splashed some cold water on my face and went to my bedroom. Walking past the brand new nursery and feeling my stomach knot again at the site of it.

I went to sit on the bed and was jarred from my misery by the sound of the telephone. I decided to let the machine get it and sat there in my sadness as the ringing finished and I knew the machine had picked it up.

I knew I had to get my shit together. I had to just gather some things in a bag and return to the hospital. Put on a happy face and go through the motions. I owed that much to Chrissie and to Louisa. The idea of it felt exhausting. I let out a sigh of resignation and pulled myself from the bed. Getting a bag and shoving some random clothes inside it.

After pulling off my clothes, I stepped into the shower and hoped it would reinvigorate me. Taking solace in the hot water. I finished cleaning up and soon collected my camera and headed back to the hospital. Resigned to my situation and trying to make the best of it.

I walked into the private room and found Chrissie sound asleep. Her hair was still in a long braid and she looked peaceful as she rested from her efforts. There in a small bassinet lay our sleeping daughter. She looked peaceful as well. Already content in the outside world. A pink blanket swaddling her to keep her safe and warm. I squatted down by the bassinet and looked at her. Appreciating her skin and her perfect mouth. Her gentle head and her presence. Wanting to fill myself with the excitement I should have at her arrival.

"It's not your fault little one..." I whispered to her as I pressed a kiss to her forehead. I hoped that neither of my children were ever plagued with the things that go on in my head. The self doubt, the worry, the anxiety, the sleeplessness. The dark places I seem to go. I prayed that Louisa would live and sleep just as she is now. Carefree and content in this maddening world.

16th October 1985

"Can I hold her?" Jimi asked as he sat in the chair at Chrissie's bedside. Looking with awe at his new sister. Cradled in her mother's arms.

"Of course you can..." Chrissie told him. She leaned over as Jimi held his arms up to her. "Keep a gentle but firm hold of her..." she instructed as Jimi listened and obeyed. I snapped a photograph of the handoff and waited to get another as Jimi held her for the first time.

I was heartened to find that seeing him get to meet his new sister did lift me a little. Jimi's face showed his instant affection for Louisa. He turned and looked at me wearing a huge smile. I took the photo right then.

"She's so light!" Jimi exclaimed as he looked back down at her. So smitten.

"She is..." I concurred. "She will grow faster than you imagine..." I pointed out.

"Not too quickly..." Chrissie cautioned as she watched Jimi enjoy his new sibling. She turned to me after a few minutes. "My parents will be down in the morning..." she announced. "They are eager to see her..." she said as she shifted around to get comfortable. Still sore from delivery. "My sister is coming too..." I nodded understanding. She had told me her family was a little shocked at her being an unwed mother, but now that the baby was here, their regard was more about having a new family member and not the societal aspect of it.

"Is there anything you need done at home?" I asked. Trying to be considerate.

"Everything was done at the house the day before I went into labor..." Chrissie answered. "It should be fine..." she said. "They're looking forward to meeting you and Jimi..." she added. Her and Jimi shared a smile and I mirrored them. Not wanting to give away the fact that I was dreading this encounter. I could imagine her parents found me an undesirable partner for her. A musician and not married to her.

"I look forward to it..." I told her as all the attention returned to Louisa.

17th October 1985

It's good to finally meet you..." Mr. Mullen told me as we shook hands. Chrissie's mother and sister immediately went for Chrissie and the baby after saying hello. I did note the family resemblance. The women all having the same short stature and thick brown hair. Her father was taller but I had several inches on him. Despite that, he felt imposing as he looked at me.

"You too..." I replied in a friendly tone.

"It's a shame you couldn't have come up when Chrissie visited for her family baby shower..." Mrs. Mullen remarked to me as she sat on the bed next to her daughter.

"Yes..." Mr. Mullen agreed. "But I suppose your work keeps you away a lot..." he commented in a tone that told me it was a judgement.

"Dad..." Chrissie interjected as she gave her father a sharp look. "We talked about this..." she said in a low voice. Eyeing him with wariness.

"Don't do this!" Mrs. Mullen told her husband as she gave him a pleading look. It was clear there was tension regarding the topic of me as Chrissie's partner. Just as I feared. Mr. Mullen half smiled and turned to his family.

"Let's see the little bundle of joy then...shall we?" he stated as he went over to get his turn holding his new grandchild. I stood back and let the Mullen's enjoy Louisa. Feeling like an outsider. We had brought Louisa home this morning after getting a clean bill of health for her and Chrissie both. Her family had arrived around eleven. Now we were in the newly decorated nursery as the baby was welcomed into their fold. I was happy for Chrissie, but hated the awkwardness I felt as I observed their happy family unit.

"I imagine you need some lunch..." Mrs. Mullen announced to Chrissie after spending some time with her new grandchild. She stood up from the bed and looked at me. "I am going to go downstairs and prepare a nice lunch for us all..." she decided.

"There's already a lasagna in the refrigerator we can heat up and a few casseroles my friends brought over..." Chrissie informed her. Her mother smiled at her.

"Wonderful!" she exclaimed as she clapped her hands and headed out of the room. Mr. Mullen followed and Chrissie sat and watched her sister cuddle the baby and looked up at me.

"If you need to go into the studio..." Chrissie stated. Knowing I needed to get back to work. I nodded to her and walked over.

"You seem all set here..." I remarked as I pressed a kiss to Louisa's head and then shared a quick kiss with Chrissie. Feeling like it was mostly for show for her sister. "I'll see you later then..." I advised as I bid them goodbye. For some reason, I couldn't wait to get out of here. Out of my own home. The arrival of her family and the happy occasion made me miss my own family. I told her parents goodbye as I collected some things from my office and felt assured Chrissie and Louisa were in good hands. We had arranged for a car to collect Jimi from school and I headed for the studio.

I was halfway to Townhouse Studios when I found myself turning my car around. I drove without further thought straight to Feltham. My mother had phoned me to advise me they had come home from hospital a week ago. The treatments were finished and he was recuperating in his own bed. She still asked that I pretend I knew nothing and allow him more time. I had agreed to it. Now, I couldn't take it anymore.

I parked my car and tore from it. Rushing to the front door of my childhood home as I prepared myself for the confrontation. I knocked heavily on the wooden door. My heart racing as I steeled myself. I saw a figure and the door opened. My mother stood there with surprise on her face.

"Brian..." she said as I stepped forward and brushed past her. Not allowing her a chance to talk me into delaying this moment.

"Where is he?" I questioned as I tore into the living room looking for him. Wondering if he was still in bed. Too weak to come down. My mother appeared dismayed at my unexpected appearance. The living room was empty. I heard a sound from his office and rushed to the door. Finding it ajar as I stepped in and found my father seated at his desk. He looked pale and thinner. His cardigan appeared too big on his body. The reality of his illness bore into me as I stepped closer. He turned in his swivel chair to face me.

"Hello son..." he said in a croaked voice. One that confirmed he was in fact as ill as he seemed. I took a step towards him and then found my legs failing me as I fell to my knees. Dropping down in front of him as my emotions overcame me and I fell into his lap. My arms trying to pull him into me as I clung to him. All the anger I felt towards him about hiding from me slipped away as I became engulfed in my fear of losing him. Losing this man who meant so much to me. Who helped shaped me as a man.

"Dad..." I cried out. Feeling his hands on my head as it laid in his lap. My tears streaming onto his trouser legs. I was suddenly that young boy again. Distraught over something and seeking comfort in the security of my father's hold. Needing his assurance that everything would turn out okay. I felt small and I felt scared as he held me as best he could.

"It's going to be alright son..." my father said quietly. I knew it was a lie. But for that moment it was my only measure of solace. The only thing I had to hold on to.

Chapter Text

20th October 1985

London

Brian's POV

"I've arranged for someone to come by and see to the garden and anything else that needs to be done around here..." I informed my parents. I would usually expect an argument about me helping out in any manner but I got no pushback. Things were different now and my father couldn't do the things he once did.

"That is nice of you to do that...thank you..." my mother responded. My father simply nodded and looked out the window of the kitchen. Not wanting to acknowledge his own limitations verbally. I understood this was hard for him.

"If you need anything else...please let me know..." I stated as I finished my tea and stood up from the kitchen table.

"We will..." my mother assured me. She stood up as well and we both walked to the sink. I handed her my cup and saucer and she began washing them as I glanced over and saw how tired my father looked.

"I'm going to go so he can get some rest..." I announced. My father looked over at me.

"Thank you for coming by..." he said as I smiled at him. "I know you've got the album and the new baby..." he remarked. I nodded.

"I do...but you're important too..." I reminded him. I wanted to go over and hug him but it seemed like after my emotional reunion with him last week, he has been standoffish. I think he was trying to keep his own emotions in check and soldier through. I had to respect that is what he wanted. "I'll see you soon...." I told him.

"Alright son..." he replied. We shared a warm smile to convey our feelings.

"I'll walk you out..." my mother advised as she wiped her hands. I waited and she took my arm as we left the kitchen and headed for the front door.

"He looks so tired..." I whispered to her. She nodded as we walked.

"He does..." she agreed. "He won't lay down if we've got company...but he'll have a rest now that you're going..." she assured me.

"I mean it when I said if you need anything...just let me know..." I insisted.

"I will...don't worry..." she advised. "Give him a few weeks and he will be better..." she counseled.

"Okay..." I replied. I hated seeing him this way but was grateful he was still with us. I reached the door and pulled my coat from the front closet. Sliding it on as my mother watched me.

"When he's better...bring the baby around..." she requested. I smiled at her.

"Of course..." I told her. I leaned in and kissed her cheek and then we shared a quick hug. "Love you Mum..."

"I love you too dear..." she advised as she opened the door for me. "Give Jimi a hug for me and I look forward to meeting Louisa..." she added.

"I will...see you soon..." I said as I left the house. I walked to the car and noted the neighbor waving to me as she collected her post. I smiled and waved back. Wanting to be friendly. I slid into my car and let out a deep sigh. I drove home feeling better about seeing my father regularly now, but still in shock and disbelief that he had lung cancer and his time on this earth was limited. As I pulled into the drive next to Chrissie's car, I steeled myself to go in and face her and her family. I opened the door and stepped inside. Smelling the tell tale signs of lunch cooking and the television on in the front room.

"I'm back!" I announced as I walked into the front room. I found Chrissie seated in the new rocking chair we got for her and Louisa was asleep in her arms. Chrissie's father was seated in an arm chair watching the mid day news report.

"How was your father?" Chrissie asked me as she slowly rocked the baby.

"He's tired...but he seems a bit better than last time I saw him..." I answered. Her father looked at me and half smiled.

"Good to hear..." her father remarked. Trying to be polite despite never meeting my parents.

"That is encouraging..." Chrissie agreed. "He needs a lot of rest and he will improve..." she told me. Wanting to keep my spirits up over the matter.

"Yes..." I advised. The news ended and her father stood up.

"Excuse me..." he stated as he left the room. I went and sat next to Chrissie. Watching Louisa sleep contentedly in her arms.

"Do you want to hold her for a bit?" she asked me. I nodded and held out my arms as Chrissie slowly got up and handed her to me. I got a careful hold of her and nestled her against my chest. Enjoying her warmth and the sound of her breathing. She finally had a bit of hair coming through. A few blond wispy curls. Chrissie's mother had told us that Chrissie had fair hair as a baby and it went dark by the time she was around 6. I never said, but the hair reminded me of Tiger Lily when she was a baby. She had gold hair that was like her fathers. Of course, it had darkened a little since she was that age, but it will still the Taylor blond.

Chrissie left to use the bathroom and I leaned back and looked down at my daughter. Seeing her nice fair skin and how nicely shaped her head was. She was dressed in a baby grow that was a gift from Jim Beach and his wife. It was a nice peach color with dark pink rosebuds on it. Chrissie had loved it and couldn't wait to put it on the baby.

"That's a good look on you..." I told Louisa in a soft voice as I gazed at her. "Peach and pink might just be your colors..." I remarked as I smiled at her. Chrissie's mother appeared in the doorway and she smiled at me.

"Lunch is ready..." she announced. "You want me to take her?" Mrs. Mullen asked as she eyed Louisa.

"I can put her down..." I advised as I slowly stood up. "I was pretty hands on with Jimi..." I told her quietly as I walked out of the room and Mrs. Mullen came up to my side.

"Chrissie said you were a good father..." Mrs. Mullen remarked. "Jimi is a sweet boy..." she told me. "He simply adores our Chrissie!" she said in a pleased manner.

"He really likes Chrissie..." I agreed. We both walked up the stairs. Headed for the nursery. Mrs. Mullens still at my side. "They get along quite well..." I advised. We stepped into the nursery and I gently placed Louisa into the cot. I carefully arranged the blanket and made sure she was comfortable on her back. Mrs. Mullens watched my every move.

"I'm so glad...you all seem like one little happy family..." she told me as we quietly left the nursery. I wondered where she was headed with this line of remarks.

"We all get along nicely..." I concurred as we walked down the stairs.

"Is there any chance that you all might make this a permanent arrangement?" she asked me plainly. I realized she had been looking for a moment to ask if we planned to marry.

"Things are good for now..." I answered. Trying to find my way out of directly telling her no. "Let's just adjust to the baby before there are any next steps..." I offered. She seemed satisfied since I didn't tell her no.

"Yes...a baby is a big adjustment..." she commented as we headed to the kitchen.

---------------------------------------------

I arrived home around 1 am from the studio. Taking off my coat and just laying it over the chair in my office. I tried to be as quiet as possible as I pulled off my clogs and left them by the front door. I padded up the stairs in my socks. I noticed the lamp on in the nursery and stopped in the doorway. Finding Chrissie seated in the rocking chair nursing Louisa.

"Hi..." I whispered as I walked in and quietly closed the nursery door.

"Hi..." Chrissie replied. "How did it go tonight?" she questioned.

"Good...we finished the backing track for two of the songs..." I advised as I stood and watched her nursing. "It's progress..." I remarked as Chrissie smiled at me.

"It's good to feel productive..." she noted as I smiled at her words.

"It is..." I agreed.

"I wanted to let you know that when my family leaves to go back home...I've decided to go with them for a visit..." Chrissie announced.

"You just spent two weeks with them!" I pointed out. "Why are you going?" I questioned. I was annoyed at her news.

"I want to see the rest of my family...and its my fathers birthday then..." she advised. "I'm only going for a week..." she informed me.

"What about Jimi?" I questioned. It felt selfish to ask as he wasn't her responsibility. I couldn't ask my parents for help right now and my schedule was full. I had come to rely on her for help with him.

"Jimi has his school break and I was going to see if he wanted to go with me..." Chrissie advised. "I thought he might enjoy a holiday..." she remarked.

"If he wants..." I responded. I wasn't certain how he would feel going to visit people he hardly knew. Leeds wasn't terribly exciting for a young boy. He adored Chrissie but meeting her entire family might be something he wasn't keen on.

"I think he will..." Chrissie advised. "I mentioned the idea to him last night and he seemed excited about it..." she stated. I was surprised.

"I can talk to him at breakfast..." I told her. She nodded and focused on Louisa.

"I'll make sure you're up then..." she advised. "I need to finish up with her...I'll be in shortly..." she told me.

"Okay..." I said and walked closer and pressed a kiss to Louisa's head. Chrissie smiled at my action. I left the room and the door ajar as I padded quietly to the bedroom. By the time I had changed clothes and washed up, Chrissie was stepping back in the room. Closing the door behind her. She sat on her side of the bed and reached for some ointment and began gently rubbing some into her nipples. I got into bed on my side.

"You getting sore?" I asked her. Wanting to show my concern.

"Just moisturizing..." she answered as she finished her treatment. She turned and laid on her side facing me. "You're not upset at me going to Leeds for a week are you?" she questioned.

"No..." I lied. "It's fine..." I quickly told her. "I've got the album to work on and it's only fair you see your family..." I remarked. She smiled as she leaned in and kissed me.

"Good night..." she said and closed her eyes. I rolled onto my back and felt a mix of emotions at her news. I also felt guilty that I wanted her to stay. Partly because I was trying to bond with the baby and partly because I needed her here for me. It seemed so selfish and I tried to close my eyes so I could go to sleep and not have to think about it anymore.
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29th October 1985

London

Roger's POV

"Alright gentlemen...we're ready to begin..." Rudi announced. We all turned our attention to the screen in the viewing room as the lights dimmed. The film began and we all sat and watched the final cut of the One Vision music video. I have to say that I was impressed with how well they merged our faces from the Bohemian Rhapsody video shot into our modern faces. This final edit looked marvelous. The film then shifted to showing us in the Musicland studio. We had been filmed like we were recording the song. Complete with obligatory shots of the four of us standing at a microphone doing the backing vocals. Not at all how we really recorded them, but it looked great on film.

What was genuine and it did come across well in the video, was the joy of making music together. We all looked happy and tuned into to what we were doing. Our chemistry was there as well as some fun. I noted we all had a lot of smiles and were buoyant. I caught just a few glimpses of a less than giddy Deacy and a random shot of Brian appearing low. Otherwise, we appeared to be a happy group. Making good music. It was what we wanted to convey.
-----------------------------------

Brian's POV

Sitting in the screening room was a wonderful distraction. I sat and let myself get lost in the video. Watching us on the big screen being energetic and happy and enjoying ourselves. I thought the film did a wonderful job of delivering the song.

I particularly found certain moments of the video endearing to me. Recalling when we filmed this in Munich and how much we all enjoyed the banter and the playfulness we created in the studio. I couldn't help but remember how after the last night of filming, we celebrated with a little party. Champagne was served and several bottles were quickly emptied. Everyone eventually retiring to the hotel for the night and Roger quietly coming to my suite and us continuing the celebration together. Just needing some physical contact. Just pretending for one night we were still the same people we had been before everything changed that. That was the main thing I didn't like about us being in London to record. Roger and I couldn't be together. But this work wasn't just about us and I had to remember that.

The video ended and everyone was all smiles as we offered our commentary on the final edit. I put in my opinion and we decided it was acceptable to us all. The production team left and we began discussing the plans for the next day in the studio. We prepared to leave and I grabbed my coat as I waited for Roger to finish talking with Crystal.

"See you tomorrow..." Crystal told me as he left. Roger came up and leaned against the wall near the exit. I noticed the security guard watching us and gestured for him to follow me out to my car. We both got inside and I switched on the motor to get the heat going. Roger sat huddled in his big coat.

"Did Chrissie and Jimi leave today?" Roger asked me as he turned to face me in the front seat.

"Yes...they left this morning..." I advised.

"It's just a week Brian..." Roger quickly reminded me. "You'll be okay..." he said. I knew I would survive a week, but I wanted to actually take advantage of their absence.

"I will..." I agreed. "I was thinking since they're gone and we're working late on the album...we might get together one night..." I suggested. "Paul isn't around to report back and your Dad would never know if we slipped away for one night together..." I explained.

"I think we can get away with that..." Roger agreed as he reached over and ran his fingers over my hand. "What do you want to do?" he asked me.

"I thought we could go back to my house or we could meet at a hotel..." I proposed. "What do you think?" I asked him.

"Let's stay away from our homes...there might be fans or the press around..." he pointed out. That made sense now that he said it. "How about we get a suite in one of the bigger hotels and say we are doing interviews there and one or two of us being there would not be anything that would draw attention..." he surmised.

"Okay!" I responded. Feeling excited that a plan was coming together. "What night?" I questioned. Roger scratched his head as he figured out what night worked best for him.

"I think day after tomorrow would be best..." he answered. "No wait! Tomorrow night actually!" he suddenly declared as he sat up straighter. Clearly thinking things through. "I'll have Crystal arrange for a suite and I'll let you know where..." he said as he squeezed my hand. I was thrilled we were making a plan.

"I can't wait!" I told him and glanced around to see if anyone was about before leaning in for a quick kiss.

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Roger's POV

I thought about the plan I was making with Brian the entire drive home. I missed being with him. I missed the feel of him against my body and his size and weight. His long legs wrapped around mine. His hair brushing against my face as he laid against me. I ached for him to penetrate me and fuck me long and hard. The consideration made my cock twitch. Sex with Dom was good and it was satisfying. But I truly missed being handled by my husband and being filled up by him. Held down and passionately pounded. Things Dom could never do to me or for me. I had actually considered asking her to wear a dildo and fuck me, but I knew it wouldn't be the same and she might find it a little too odd for her tastes.

I fought the urge to have a cigarette and gave in halfway through the ride. As I took a soothing drag from my freshly lit Marlboro, I decided to go ahead and call Crystal as soon as I got home and told Dom about the plan. I stepped inside and knew Dom would still be awake. If we ended early with work, I usually found her in her home office catching up on phone calls or reading industry magazines.

She wasn't in her office and I headed upstairs. Finding my daughter's bedroom door closed and the nursery was dark. I went to the bedroom and found Dom sitting up in bed watching the television.

"Hey..." I said as I came in the room. She turned and smiled at me.

"Hi..." she replied as she reached up with the remote and switched off the television. "You're home early..." she remarked. I came and sat at the edge of the bed and crossed my legs.

"Yes...the final edit was good and we decided to resume recording tomorrow..." I advised. Kicking off my shoes. "I figured I'd find you in your office..." I remarked as I stood up and began undressing.

"I was too tired tonight..." Dom stated as she pulled the duvet up over her some more. "I've felt really tired today..." she remarked.

"Are you sleeping okay?" I questioned. Wondering if it was lack of sleep.

"I'm getting more than I was..." she answered and yawned. "I hope I'm not getting sick...I don't have time for it..." she complained.

"Any symptoms beside being tired?" I asked her. She shrugged as she watched me undress.

"Not really..." she replied. "I'm hoping a good night's sleep will help..." she considered as she shuffled down to lay flat. Leaning over to switch off her lamp. I carried my clothes to the closet.

"Probably..." I agreed. "I need to tell you something...give me just a minute..." I advised. I finished up in the bathroom and came back to the bed wearing some pajamas. Dom smiled sleepily as I sat on the bed next to her.

"What is it?" she asked. "I'm fading fast..." she warned me.

"Chrissie went to visit her family and took the baby and Jimi with her...they're gone for a week..." I informed Dom.

"And you want to spend some time with Brian..." she stated before I could.

"Just one night if we could manage it..." I replied. "Since we're not away recording...Brian and I aren't together at all...you know..." I explained. Knowing she would understand what I meant by that.

"I imagine you both miss being together..." she said pragmatically but with a touch of sentiment that made me smile. Appreciating her clear acceptance of my marriage.

"We do..." I confirmed. Dom rolled towards me and pulled an arm from under the duvet and stroked my hand.

"Just let me know when..." she said easily and I took her hand and squeezed it.

"Thanks..." I replied and leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. "I need to call to arrange for a suite..." I said as I moved off the bed and headed for my private office.

"I'll be asleep when you get back..." Dom advised.

"Good night...sleep well..." I told her. I left the room and felt a sense of excitement at being with Brian. I dialed the phone in my office and called Crystal.

"Crystal Palace!..." he answered. I grinned. He lovingly referred to his home by the name of the glass and steel structure that used to stand in Hyde Park ages ago.

"This is Taylor Towers..." I joked back. Knowing he was smiling.

"What is your bidding master?" he inquired.

"I need a hotel suite booked for tomorrow night..." I advised. "One where I can meet Brian privately..." I explained. Knowing that Crystal would understand.

"Right!" Crystal replied. "You want The Ritz or somewhere more obscure?" he questioned.

"We just need a place where our coming and going won't be observed..." I clarified.

"I'm on it!" he declared. "I'll have the details for you tomorrow..." he advised.

"Thanks...good night..." I replied and hung up the phone. I leaned back and considered having a nightcap before heading to bed. I got up to get something from my liquor cabinet when the telephone rang. I wondered if it was Brian and grabbed the phone.

"Hello..."

"Crystal here..." my assistant declared. "I was just thinking...if you want to meet him someplace where you won't be seen...why not just meet at Millhanger? he suggested. I felt like a daft idiot for not considering this. Our country house that sat unused at the moment. "Your father is watching London these days and there is no way he has eyes on your place here and your house in Guildford..." he surmised. It was a brilliant idea!

"And that is why I promoted you!" I told my capable friend.

"I hope this gets me a pay rise..." Crystal chimed back.

"Don't get ahead of yourself..." I shot back. "Thanks for the idea though...your work is done..." I declared and hung up the phone as I heard him laugh.

------------------------------------

30th October 1985

Roger's POV

"We can both drive there separately...I figured you could leave ahead of me..." I explained to Brian over the phone. "The code for the gate is changed though..." I advised and gave him the new number.

"Okay..." he replied. "I'll see you at the studio and I'll leave when I've finished my work..." he told me.

"Sounds good..." I replied. Our plan was set and I considered stopping at a market nearby to get some things to take for tonight. I knew the refrigerator there would be empty and so would the cupboards. Mia had cleared everything out when we moved house to London for the time being. "There is nothing in the house Bri...no food or drink..." I informed him.

"I can get some things...I've got time before I go to the studio..." he told me. He did have more free time at the moment so I decided to let him pick up the food and drink.

"Alright...just get me some of those biscuits I like..." I requested.

"The chocolate or the ginger ones?" Brian asked me.

"Chocolate I think..." I advised and it kind of felt like old times again.

"Whatever you want..." Brian replied and I smiled hearing it.

"I'll see you soon..." I told him. "Bye..." I said and hung up. I got up from my desk and headed to the kitchen. Ready for some lunch before I left for the studio. I walked in and found Dom kissing Felix as he sat in his bouncy chair. Mia was at the counter cutting something.

"What's for lunch?" I asked as I walked over to get something to drink.

"I've made some toasties..." Mia advised as I watched her plate one.

"Sounds good..." I advised. I got a can of Coke from the refrigerator and had a seat as Dom picked up some things from the counter.

"I'm heading to the office for a while and I forgot I have a follow up doctor's appointment this afternoon..." Dom advised as she took a bag from Mia. It was clearly something for her lunch.

"Maybe you can see about some vitamins or something since you've been tired..." I suggested. Dom nodded as she considered the notion. I'm off to the studio after I eat..." I confirmed as Dom grabbed her bag and walked over and kissed Felix one more time before heading my way.

"I guess we will see you tomorrow..." Dom stated as we shared a knowing look between us.

"Yes..." I replied as I noted Mia having the same knowing expression as we had. Dom and I shared a chaste kiss and she headed out for work. Mia carried over a plate for myself and for her and took a seat next to mine.

"I hope you're being careful tonight..." Mia remarked as she ate her toastie.

"We are..." I assured her. "Brian's going out to the house first and I will follow later...just keeping it low key..." I explained.

"You know there isn't any food out there..." she pointed out.

"I did think of that..." I replied. "Brian is picking up some things..." Mia still appeared worried.

"Just be careful..." Mia repeated. I appreciated her concern. I smiled at her.

"We will...promise..." I told her. "We won't take any chances..." Our conversation was interrupted by some noises from Felix and we both got distracted by his antics as we finished eating. I was soon taking him for a nappy change while Mia cleaned up from lunch. I handed him off to her as I got my bag and keys and headed out.

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Tonight seemed to be going in our favor. When I arrived at the studio, Brian advised he had already finished mixing the demo he wanted. Freddie and Deacy were sitting in the outer room side by side at a table working on some lyrics for a song. Deep in thought. Definitely one of those times they were best left to it.

"How long do you need?" Brian asked me as I watched him pack up his things. Preparing to leave.

"Just a few hours..." I answered. "I wanted to go over some ideas with Freddie about that one song..." I told my husband. He smiled at me.

"Don't be long..." he said quietly. "I'm going to head out..." Brian announced louder to everyone. Our assistant engineer waved goodbye and Brian stopped in the outer room to talk to Freddie and Deacy as I found new urgency in getting my goals for the day completed. I found the notes I needed and lit a cigarette. Waiting for Freddie to finish with Deacy. I went and got a beer and walked in to the outer room to see how long they might be.

"We can use that line here..." Freddie was suggesting to Deacy as he pointed at the paper in front of them both. "I think it works better...don't you?" he asked. I enjoyed watching them create together. They could get in sync so quickly and they understood each other musically. In a way I sometimes never connected with Brian. Maybe it was because they never argued. Always found a way to an agreement in an amicable way. Brian and I managed to make it harder than it needed to be sometimes. Too much stubbornness or ego involved I guess. Too many feelings.

Both men sat cross legged smoking their cigarettes as they looked down at their shared verse. Completely absorbed in creating something together. I never managed to work like that with Freddie. Not in the way Deacy can. I sometimes wished I could. Freddie was a much more capable writer than me and he had improved some of my work through determination and convincing me his way was better. It usually was. Their collaborations were born of Freddie encouraging Deacy to write when he wasn't confident he could. The efforts had paid off. Deacy had landed us the biggest selling song of our career so far. Not an easy feat when stacked against Freddie's songs.

"So what are you two working on?" I finally asked them after several minutes. They both looked up at me and in unison gave me the title.

"Pain Is So Close To Pleasure..." they announced. I raised my eyebrows at them.

"Kinky!" I remarked and Deacy picked up a wadded up piece of paper and tossed it at me.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Freddie questioned as he eyed me knowingly. I wondered if Brian had told him about our plans. I hadn't.

"I might have somewhere I need to be later..." I replied vaguely.

"We can work on your idea tomorrow..." Freddie informed me. "Deacy and I are on a roll...so we best finish what we started..." he stated as he looked at me in a way that confirmed he knew our plans for tonight. I nodded understanding.

"Alright..." I replied. "I'll leave you to it..." I stated as I turned and walked back into the control room as Freddie grinned and resumed his focus on the lyrics. Crystal arrived and we sat and finalized some plans to do some recording in Montreux. I was happy to get it settled and planned to surprise Brian with the news tonight. Knowing some real time away would make him happy.

"I guess that's it for now..." I told Crystal as I got my coat and bag.

"Well...have a good time tonight..." Crystal told me as we walked out of the control room together. He patted my back and gave me a telling expression.

"I will...thanks again..." I replied. He returned to the studio and I stopped at the restroom to go before I headed out. I stepped out to find Crystal coming towards me.

"I'm glad I caught you..." Crystal advised. "You've got an urgent phone call..." he stated. "It's Dom..." he revealed. I instantly followed him back and worried something was wrong with Felix. I grabbed the phone and pressed the flashing button.

"Dom it's me!" I said hurriedly in the phone.

"Roger...I am so sorry to call...I know you're probably heading out soon..." she said.

"Is Felix okay?" I instantly questioned. Needing to know he was fine.

"He's fine...this isn't about Felix..." she replied. I still detected a hint of something being wrong in her voice.

"What is it?" I asked her.

"Can you stop by the house on your way out?" she requested. "I need to talk to you..." she stated.

"What is it?" I asked her. Worried now that something was wrong with her. I remembered her doctor's appointment today and filled with concern. "Are you okay?" I asked her. "Please tell me!" I pleaded. Not being able to wait the drive home to find out.

"Rog...I'm pregnant..."

***To be continued***

Chapter Text

30th October 1985

London

Roger's POV

"You're what??" I asked her in disbelief.

"I'm pregnant Roger..." she repeated. My head began swimming and I reached over to steady myself against the wall.

"But..." I began to say. Wanting to question if she was sure, but I knew Dom and she wouldn't say she was pregnant unless she was certain she actually was. It just seemed so unlikely. She'd just had a baby. My biology background told me deep down this was possible and I realized we had been foolish to have sex without protection.

"There's no butts about it..." Dom replied. "I had a test at the doctor's today and he confirmed it..." she advised. I ran my hand over my face. Trying to come to grips with the news. It certainly wasn't the end of the world or anything. Quite surprising is all. I instantly wondered how she felt about it.

"And how do you feel about being pregnant again?" I questioned. "So soon after..." I added to emphasize my meaning. She made a sound of exasperation.

"To be honest I was flabbergasted when I heard..." Dom confessed. "I just didn't even think about it being something we should worry about..." she admitted. I nodded.

"I didn't either..." I agreed. "I guess we were wrong..." I told her. "I'm sorry we weren't more careful..." I said to offer my own responsibility in the matter.

"Me too..." she answered. "I guess I need to decide what I'm going to do..." she advised.

"Whatever your decision is...I'll support it..." I assured her. Wanting her to know I felt it was her choice to make.

"I know you will...but thank you..." she replied.

"Did the doctor express any concern about you being pregnant so soon?" I questioned. Wanting to know if there was any risk.

"I'm perfectly healthy and was reminded that everything with Felix was due to the infection..." she assured me. "I was advised I am okay to continue with the pregnancy and should expect to have a normal one if I do..." Dom explained. "I just have to decide if I want to continue it..." she contended.

"Do you want me to come home?" I asked her next. Worried she needed support right now.

"No...I hesitated calling you because I know you're headed to see Brian..." she told me. "I just needed to tell you...because then it would seem real...you know?" she confessed. I understood what she meant.

"I get it..." I replied. "You know how to reach me there if you need to....okay?" I reminded Dom.

"I do...thanks..." she answered. "Look! Go on and enjoy your time with Brian...give him my love and I will talk to you tomorrow..."

"Okay..." I told her. "I will talk to you then...take care Dom..." I said and hung up the phone. I collected myself as I turned and headed out of the studio. I was soon in my car and on the road and finding myself wanting to think about Brian and anticipate our time together. My mind kept slipping to Dom and another baby being a possibility. Trying to decide how I felt if she kept it or if she didn't. I loved Felix so much and couldn't imagine him not being around. I still felt so surprised at how much I had grown to love children. First my girl, Tiger Lily and then Jimi, and now Felix and even another possible future child. If someone had told me when I was a teenager I would end up being the parent to this many kids, I would have laughed in their face.

After thinking it over a bit, I worked to shrug off the topic. Wanting to shift gears and focus on being with Brian. I pushed in a cassette tape and turned up the volume. Knowing it would get me in the mood. Both Brian and I liked this heavy sensual song from The Power Station.

Feel the heat pushing you to decide
Feel the heat burning you up, ready or not

Some like it hot and some sweat when the heat is on

Some feel the heat and decide that they can't go on
Some like it hot, but you can't tell how hot 'til you try
Some like it hot, so let's turn up the heat 'til we fry

***************
VOYEUR POV

Roger, singing the words loudly as he drove, helped fuel the abandonment of his thoughts regarding Dom and the children. He found himself imagining Brian's touch and the weight of his body. His scent and his breath and his desire for him. By the time Roger was punching in the key code at the road and driving onto the property, his anticipation had him squirming in his car seat. He drove faster than he should have through the winding private drive and soon saw the house. He slowed down and pulled the car up next to Brian's. Hurriedly exiting the vehicle and grabbing his overnight bag. Reaching for the door knob to open the front door and finding Brian standing there awaiting him. A broad smile breaking out on his face at the sight of his husband.

"Bri..." Roger managed to breathe out as he was pulled into Brian's arms and their mouths met in a searing kiss. His bag dropping to the floor as his arms wrapped around his husband.

"You don't know how badly I need this..." Brian muttered to him as their mouths took a moments break from their deep kissing.

"Me too..." Roger concurred as Brian reached down and took hold of his hand. Pulling away from their kiss and beckoning Roger to follow him. He managed to close the front door with his leg as he let Brian guide him up the stairs to their bedroom. One that had not seen their shared presence for almost a year.

Both men fell onto the large mattress as they quickly entwined themselves. Arms and legs clinging to the other and mouths locked as they moaned at the physical connection and slowly rolled around together. Their passion building and their bodies rutting against the other.

Roger managed to pull Brian's shirt from his waistband and work it up his torso. Brian stopped their activities long enough to sit up and quickly toss his shirt away. Watching as Roger did the same beneath him. Smiles erupted on their faces as they also reached for their own zippers and worked to remove their trousers. Laughing with anticipation as they flung their remaining clothes off onto the floor of their room. Falling back into each others arms as they resumed grinding and kissing and feeling each other up.

"I need you inside me..." Roger pleaded in a labored breath. Turning and reaching towards the nightstand and realizing there was probably nothing there as he did. The drawer long emptied when he moved. Brian grinned and slid his hand under the pillows and pulled out a fresh tube.

"I brought more than just food..." he remarked cheekily as Roger smiled back and pulled him into a heated kiss. Grateful for his planning. "Spread your legs for me..." Brian requested as Roger complied and watched as Brian flipped the cap on the tube and squeezed out some lubricant. The blond man leaned back on his bent arms as he watched Brian come closer and slip his hand up between his thighs. Easily finding the desired spot and inserting a finger in his entrance.

"Oh god...it's been too long..." Roger breathed out as he rolled his head back and savored the feel of the long lithe fingers working him open. Brian shuffled closer and pressed a kiss to Roger's exposed throat. Sliding his tongue across his collar bone and nipping at him to leave his mark.

The feel of Roger and knowing they were together all night made Brian almost giddy with desire. He kissed and grazed at Roger's shoulders and neck with his lips, tongue and teeth. All the while, adding another finger inside his husband. Slowly moving them and curling them to get the favored result.

"I want you so badly..." Brian muttered against Roger's chest as he slid the fingers as far as they could go. Reaching for that magical spot that would make Roger come undone.

"Fuck! Fuck! Right there!" Roger panted out. His eyes almost fluttering at how good it already felt with just his fingers and the need for more building rapidly. "I need you now!" Roger demanded as Brian moved to slide his fingers out. Roger quickly flipped over and turned to gaze at Brian over his shoulder as he squeezed more lube out and coated himself with it. Eager to penetrate him.

"Come on!" Roger said impatiently. Brian took hold of his cock and pressed it in his entrance. Moving in closer as he slowly slid inside.

"Fuck!" Brian groaned with deep pleasure as he enjoyed the sensation of going in. The tight warm walls enveloping him and the feel of Roger beneath him was almost too much. He thought me might come right then and there from how badly he missed this. How good it felt to be here again.

Roger let out a sound of satisfaction as Brian filled him up. Savoring the fullness and their bodies connecting in the most intimate manner. He felt Brian lean over him and press a kiss to his head. Waiting for Roger to advise him he was ready.

"Please..." Roger pleaded as he began moving himself. Needing Brian to fuck him senseless. To bury him in the mattress and give him every inch. His plea was answered as Brian started thrusting. Leaning over and gripping Roger's hips as he increased his pace. Finding immense pleasure in moving inside him.

"God! So good!" Brian told him as his breathing deepened and his fingers dug into Roger's sides. Both of them moving together. Sounds of lust and effort filling the room along with the slap of their bodies meeting. A rhythm forming and their desire peaking.

Brian pulled out. Before Roger could protest, Brian grabbed his leg and swung him over on his back. Reaching for his hand and pulling from the bed. Roger allowed himself to be guided over and he eagerly bent forward over the vanity. Gripping the top as Brian re-entered and proceeded to pound into him. The force and direct hit on Roger's prostate made him cry out. His face screwed up with a mix of ecstasy and attempts to catch his breath.

"You look so fucking sexy...look!" Brian told him as he eyed himself and Roger in the mirror. The blond man opened his eyes and found his husband eyeing him in the reflection. His face awash in lust and adoration. His long curly hair disheveled and his mouth hanging open. Sweat glistening on cheeks. "Tell me how you want it..." Brian demanded as his eyes bore into Roger's through the mirror.

"Want you to fuck me against the wall..." Roger answered. Brian didn't hesitate to pull out and reach for Roger's arm. Moving him against the nearby wall and reaching down to bring his body up against it. After wrapping his legs around Brian's waist, Roger reached for his shoulders and held on as Brian resumed fucking him. His back slammed into the wall and his body used as he wanted.

Roger rolled his head back and forth against the hard wall. Panting out his breaths and feeling the lust rage inside him. The building heat of the promise of an intense orgasm. He wanted it to last. To stay at bay all night and just hang in this euphoria of being edged closer to it, but not actually happening.

When Brian finally stopped and let out a gasp of expended energy, he slowly slipped out of Roger and let him slide to the floor. Wiping at his brow as Roger landed on his feet. "I'm getting too old to keep doing that..." Brian admitted with a small laugh. Roger turned around and faced the wall and stuck his bottom out. Turning and offering himself from that position as he planted his hands against the wall.

"Try this then..." Roger requested as he spread his legs out. Brian inserted himself again and resumed moving. Giving Roger what he wanted. He was surprised when Brian grabbed his arms and slowly pulled them back. Gripping him above his elbows and holding him taut as he fucked heartily into him. The tension and burn in Roger's arms felt delicious and he groaned with satisfaction at being handled so roughly. His body at the mercy of his husband and feeling every ounce of lust inside Brian's being.

Roger's back arched as Brian took hold of him by the throat. Pulling Roger closer as he forcefully thrust into him. Both men making sounds of exertion and intense arousal.

"Right there!" Roger chirped out as he tried to breathe and feel everything his body was experiencing. The mild discomfort and the intense pleasure. He felt Brian's hand slip from his throat and slide down his chest. Reaching for his cock to stroke him. Roger brushed his hand away. "Don't...want it to last..." he ordered. Brian complied and moved his hand back up to grip at Roger's waist.

"I may not last much longer..." Brian conveyed as his rhythm stuttered and he gasped as he gripped Roger tighter.

"Go on then...come inside me..." Roger demanded as Brian let go and emptied inside his husband. Holding his body close as he continued thrusting. Wanting to give Roger everything.

"Fuck..." Brian sighed out as he finished. Slowing his movements and trying to catch his breath. He felt Roger slowly pull away from him and turn to face him.

"Your turn..." Roger announced with a sweaty grin as he took Brian by the arm and led him back to the bed.
-------------------------------------

Brian's POV

"I think I might be showing bruises by tomorrow..." I remarked as I rubbed at my sore wrists. Roger grinned at me.

"I think we're both a bit banged up..." he replied as we shared a small laugh and I reached in the hamper and pulled out some containers of food. Laying them down on the towel I brought in with me. Roger reached for the small tray of meat and cheeses. Smiling as he pulled off the lid. "Thanks for remembering to get me some meat..." he commented. Despite my not eating it, I didn't want to deprive Roger of something he liked.

"Of course..." I replied. I handed him some of the savory biscuits and he covered one with the cheese spread. Topping it with a thin slice of turkey and taking a bite.

"I like the idea of a picnic in bed..." Roger told me as he kept adding things to his plate. I was happy he liked my idea. I had carried the food hamper into the bedroom and decided we would eat here since we were both hungry.

"We spend plenty of time together in the studio and doing other band things...I thought we'd make the most of the time we have in bed..." I pointed out. Leaning over to share a kiss with him.

"Good thinking babe..." Roger agreed as he took another bite. We both enjoyed the variety of things I picked up at a market. Cut up mixed fruit, a meat and cheese tray, croissants, some chocolates and fairy cakes. A bag of his favorite chocolate biscuits and some savory ones to eat with the meat and cheese. I grabbed the bottle of wine and took a drink. Handing it off to Roger as he did the same. I looked around our shared bedroom and found myself sentimental for it.

"I've missed this place..." I remarked as I gazed at the small sitting area and our large bathroom. Noting the memories we had made here together. Wanting to ignore our last day here prior to this one.

"I hated leaving here...but with Felix's situation...it just made sense to be in London..." Roger told me. Seeming to want to defend his decision to leave.

"I know...it was the right thing to do..." I assured him. "With a baby...you just have to put them first..." I said as I realized I wasn't entirely sure I had done that. The guilt about Louisa still inside me.

"How is Louisa doing?" Roger asked me. I smiled as I tore off a piece of a large croissant.

"She's good...really healthy and a vigorous appetite..." I replied. "Chrissie is breastfeeding and is up at all hours with her..." I added. Roger grinned.

"Dom was doing some pumping since she's gone back to work...but we are trying to get him on formula..." Roger told me. "Mia has been great with him...of course..." he said as an afterthought.

"She's the best..." I agreed. Eating my bite of croissant. I noted something in Roger's eyes. Like he wanted to say something but was hesitating. "What are you thinking about?" I asked him. Curious what it was. He quickly darted his eyes to the food and grabbed a handful of grapes.

"Nothing...just deciding what to eat next..." he answered. I had a feeling it wasn't the truth but let it go as we continued eating.

"I went down and checked the pool and turned up the heater..." I announced. "It might be warm enough for a midnight swim..." I suggested. Roger swallowed the bite of food and reached for the wine.

"Sounds good...we should probably hop in the shower first..." he recommended. We abandoned our food and went to the bathroom. Showering and cleaning each other up before donning some robes and heading for the pool.

"I really miss this..." Roger stated as stepped into the pool. Using the steps on one end as I went to the side and dove in. Enjoying the burst of warmth from the water as it enveloped me. I surfaced to find him watching me. He started swimming my way. "If there was one thing I wish I had in my London place...it is a pool..." he remarked.

"I was hoping you would say the one thing might be me..." I teased. Roger grinned and splashed me.

"You know what I mean..." he said as he came closer and we shared a kiss. "You know I'd rather live here with you than be where I am..." he clarified. We kissed again. Slower and more sensually.

"I know..." I replied in between kisses. "I'd rather be here too..." I assured him. We shared a few more kisses and then focused on enjoying the warm water. Floating and casually swimming about. Just being together and forgetting the outside world. It felt like a dream and I wanted to stay there. With him. Where his father and the evils of the world didn't exist. Where we were just two people in love who wanted to be together and wanted it to be nobody's business.

We soon finished our swim and walked back to the main house. Holding hands and enjoying the night sky. So much more beautiful here than in London. After enjoying a few more bites of our feast, I packed up the food and carried the hamper to the kitchen. Placing some things in the refrigerator and then joining Roger in bed. Ready to sleep in his arms. Ready to pretend like it was just as it once was.

-------------------------------------

When I woke up I didn't bother to look at the clock. We weren't due in the studio until late afternoon. I rolled over and wrapped my arms around Roger. Savoring the feel of him nestled into me as he slept. His warm body so familiar and safe. Soon he woke and smiled at me as he turned to face me.

"Good morning husband..." he said as we shared a lazy kiss.

"Good morning to you husband..." I said back as we laid there together. Sleepy and silent. After a few minutes he spoke.

"I made some plans for us to do some recording in Montreux..." Roger announced as he looked at me. Clearly hoping for a smile at the news. I did smile hearing it.

"Oh yeah?" I replied. "When is that?" I asked him. Stroking his arm.

"In a few weeks...the studio was booked until then..." he advised. He kissed my nose and then pulled away from me. Getting up and walking to the bathroom. "It will be nice to get away alone and spend more time like this together..." he remarked as he disappeared into the bathroom. I agreed. I missed this so much and working in London had stifled our discreet liaisons.

"It will..." I replied loudly so he could hear me. Roger came out and leaned against the door frame.

"I'm hungry...." Roger announced. Rubbing his stomach and grinning at me. "What's left in that hamper?"

We headed downstairs after getting dressed and lingered over the kitchen counter. Eating the remains of the food I brought.

"This house is so quiet..." I remarked. Noting the emptiness here. The warmth gone from the place. Roger nodded as he looked around.

"It is..." he concurred. "Despite all the furniture and pictures and such...it's empty without the people..."

"I hope we can get back here soon..." I told him. "Both of us here..." I added. Roger sighed as he picked up his tea.

"If my old man would keel over it would sure help things..." he said bluntly. I couldn't argue his sentiment. It was the only barrier to us being together. It still felt bad to wish someone dead.

"Have you heard from him?" I questioned. Curious if he had and not mentioned it.

"No...but my checks are promptly cashed each month..." Roger responded curtly.

"Maybe he's content with the money and has lost interest in spying on us..." I considered out loud. Roger looked at me earnestly.

"You're willing to chance that is the case?" he asked me. I felt like I should propose something. It felt right. Right now.

"Are you?" I asked him back. "What if he really is just after the money and made those threats to ensure we would pay up?" I challenged. "Paul is out of the picture and not reporting back to him....you've not even heard anything from your Dad about it..." I reminded him. Roger seemed to be thinking. His hand sliding into the neck of his shirt as he rubbed his bad shoulder.

"He spent a lot of time telling me how much he detests me being with you...." Roger pointed out. "I have no doubt he finds our being together a cardinal sin...not just a convenient reason for blackmail..." he added.

"And yet he hasn't taken any further opportunities to remind you how much he hates it?" I questioned. Growing more curious as to whether his father's real motive is his monthly payment and not that he would enjoy exposing us. "Come on Rog..." I argued. "Think about it..." I told him. "If he exposes us...that dries up his money...." I explained. "If he exposes us...he himself is exposed as having a son who is involved with another man..." I asked him to consider.

"That's true..." Roger replied. Clearly seeing things differently. Just like I am in this moment. "I don't know Brian...I mean...it's a risk to assume this..." he reasoned.

"Look at this logically...." I argued. "You've not received one call from him...one letter since this started..." I told him. "You would think when you moved from here to London...when you had a baby with Dom...that would have sparked some kind of communication from him..." I surmised. "Some new demand or praise for being with a woman and living the way he would want you to..." I added. "At least an acknowledgement he is still watching and noticed you moved house..."

"I see what you mean..." Roger answered. His face registering acceptance of my words. "Let me do some checking and I'll let you know what I find out..." he counseled. "I don't want to rush into anything without being more certain that is the case..." he reasoned.

"Okay...okay...." I agreed. My excitement growing at the possibility we might return to our home and to our former lives in some measure. "If we can confirm this is the case...we could just come back here...right?" I questioned. Wanting to know where he stood. Roger looked at me and I could see his wheels spinning. His brow showing some measure of conflict. I only wanted to assume he was concerned about his father and nothing more. I didn't want any other complications.

"Let me check on things before we talk about that...okay?" he repeated. I nodded agreement. Seeing his need to be more assured of the situation. Understanding his fear.

"Alright..." I said as I began cleaning up our food mess. Noting the time and knowing we needed to head out. Roger helped me finish up and carried the bag of rubbish to his car. I brought the hamper and my overnight bag and put them in my boot. Watching as he stored his own things and came up to my side.

"Promise me you won't do anything stupid while I check things out..." Roger cautioned. I was slightly offended at his words.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I answered in a short tone. Roger reached up and put his hand on my shoulder. Squeezing it.

"I know you're unhappy Brian...I can see it..." he told me plainly. "I know this has affected you more than me..." he said honestly. I appreciated his candor and relaxed a little.

"I would definitely say you've landed in the better position in all this..." I responded truthfully.

"I have...and I will check into this and see what I can find out...and see if there is a way for us to come back here... or somewhere else if need be..." Roger assured me. "Just let me do this..." he requested. I nodded agreement. Feeling how desperate I think I'd become.

"Okay..." I replied. Roger reached up and we kissed. I wrapped my arms around him and didn't want to let go. Didn't want to leave here and leave behind our life together. Again.

"I love you Brian..." he told me as I clung to him fiercely.

"I love you too..." I replied.

"Forever..." he added.

"Forever..." I hoped.

-------------------------------------------------------------

We left and I drove slowly out of our property. Feeling a sadness envelope me as I saw Roger behind me. Giving us some distance as I reached the main road after passing the security gate. I turned and headed back towards London. Wishing I didn't have to go back to that empty house in Barnes. Wishing I didn't have to go back to Chrissie. Wanting to pack my things and Jimi's things and come home.

I drove through the nearby village and decided to take the longer route to London. Feeling sentimental for the area and lost in the memories of better times. When this was my village and my real home. I missed the anonymity of a country house and having some land to piddle about on. I had annoyed my current neighbors with some of my late night activities. It wasn't my fault I couldn't sleep at night and tried to be productive. I didn't think weed pulling at 2 in the morning was that noisy. When we lived at Milhanger I slept better. And when I didn't, I could do plenty of things that did not disturb the family or the neighbors.

I was soon driving past my favorite old newsagents and adjoining bookshop. On a whim I pulled over and parked. Going inside to reminisce about all the times I had lingered there and spent too much money on books and magazines and newspapers. Coming home with loads for Roger and I to read. I smiled as the place was still the same. It was past the lunchtime rush so there were not many people there to recognize me. I perused the new releases and the latest editions of newspapers and magazines. Wishing there was a place like this near my house in Barnes. It only made me yearn to be back here. I grabbed a few magazines of interest and walked to the counter. Preparing to pay. I noted one of the real estate listings guides next to the register and grabbed one. Curious what properties were going for these days and what was for sale in the area. Something Roger and I often looked through out of interest. I paid for my things and headed out. Sliding back into my car and turning to go to London.

-------------------------------------------------------

Roger's POV

I drove straight home instead of to the studio. I parked and headed inside. Hoping Dom might be home but knowing she might be at the office. I heard the radio playing in the kitchen and found Mia inside cooking and Felix was in his bouncy chair. Flaying his arms about and I made a noise to get his attention as I walked closer.

"There's my Fifi!" I cooed to him. His face lighting up hearing my voice and then seeing me. Mia turned and smiled at us. Always laughing at my nickname for him. Felix squealed at me and I reached down and unstrapped him and picked him up. Lifting him up high as I made silly noises at him. His legs and arms wiggling about. I proceeded to fly him around the room. "Let's go for a flight Fifi...." I told him as I zoomed him about.

"Don't make him too dizzy..." Mia cautioned. I curbed some of our flight and brought him down into my arms. Holding him as I walked up to see what Mia was cooking. Seeing it was some kind of soup or stew.

"What's cooking?" I asked her to be cheeky. She grinned and pointed to a recipe card. I didn't have my glasses on and just decided it wasn't important. "Smells really good..." I replied as she stirred her large stockpot. "Is Dom home?" I questioned.

"She just got here about 30 minutes ago...she's upstairs..." Mia advised. "Let me have him...he needs to eat..." she told me. I kissed Felix on the head and handed him off. Heading for the stairs and looking for Dom. I walked into the bedroom and heard her inside the bathroom. Doing something I know she didn't enjoy. Vomiting. I walked over and leaned against the doorframe.

"Hey..." I said to announce my presence. Dom was standing up and walking to the sink. Turning on the water to rinse her mouth. I waited for her to gargle some mouthwash and wipe her face before she turned to me. "Morning sickness?" I questioned. She nodded and sighed as she began changing clothes.

"Yes..." she finally confirmed. "It started this morning..." she advised. "Almost like my test was confirmation it was time for the symptoms to appear..." she declared in disbelief. I felt bad for her. I always hated seeing the dreadful side effects pregnancy brought with it.

"I'm sorry it's already started..." I said to offer my sympathy. She found a smile and reached up and pinched my chin.

"It's just part of it...a necessary evil..." she remarked as she finished removing her dress and stockings and wrapped her dressing gown around her. She walked out and went for the sofa in our shared bedroom. Flopping down and reaching for a throw blanket to cover her. "How was things with Brian?" she asked me. Changing the topic on me. I joined her on the sofa.

"Good...we had a great time..." I said honestly. Her genuine smile hearing this warmed my heart.

"I'm glad..." she said as she switched on the television. Turning the volume down. "Come lay in my lap and talk to me..." she requested. I turned around and laid back. Gently placing my head in her lap so she could play with my hair. Something we both enjoyed. Her hands instantly went to my scalp. Grazing it with her short nails and relaxing me. I wondered if she wanted some details about my night with Brian. She had asked before and I had always answered her questions.

"What do you want to talk about?" I questioned. She kept grazing my scalp and caressing my hair.

"I think I'm going to keep the baby..." she announced. "And I want to know how you feel about it..." she noted. I was silent for a moment as I considered my words. I had planned to tell her about what Brian and I had discussed and me checking on my father to see if he really was spying on us. She had switched gears on me.

"If that is what you want...I support it fully..." I finally answered. "You're the one who has to carry it...so the decision is more yours than mine..." I pointed out. "I'm fine with you having another one if that is what you want to do..." I clarified. "Mia is here and she's a wiz with Felix...she won't have a problem adjusting to two babies in 9 months..." I assured her. "She loves being busy and is up to the challenge..." I added.

"Are you up to the challenge?" she questioned. "I imagine when you've finished this record you'll probably be touring and doing a lot of promotion work..." Dom pointed out. "Is having another baby too much for you right now?" she asked me.

"It's never an ideal time for me Dom...let's be honest..." I told her. "You know my work can be spontaneous and can keep me from home for weeks..." I said truthfully. I considered using this moment to tell her I might be moving back in with Brian if we are able to ascertain what my father is doing as far as watching us.

"I know..." Dom responded before I said anything else. "I want to have this baby and it will probably be my last one..." she told me. "I would like more than one child...I just didn't plan on them being so close together..." she said with a surprised laugh. "But I wanted you to know I really need your support to do this...to go through this again so soon..." she confessed. "I know it's asking a lot...but I need you to get through this..." she pleaded. I instantly felt I had to offer that support. Dom had been an amazing support to me when Brian and I had to separate. She had been there for me and Tiger Lily and even Brian and was a solid presence in our lives. I owed her this much.

"Of course I'll be there..." I told her earnestly. Reaching up and taking her hand and squeezing it. "You've been there for me and I want you to have this baby if you want it..." I repeated to assure her I was behind her decision. Dom smiled and a tear escaped her eyes. It surprised me to see it. She was a caring and loving woman, but fairly stoic at times. It wasn't one of those times apparently.

"Thank you Roger..." she replied as she wiped away her tear and kept her grateful smile. "I have to admit...sometimes I think it might be easy to fall in love with you..." she said with a chuckle. I almost stiffened in her lap hearing those words. I realized she was saying it half heartedly. I relaxed as I realized what she meant. I thought the same thing at times. Dom was easy to like. Easy to love. I don't think either of us would call it romantic love. But I had to admit I think we both felt something between us. Something special and something strong.

I reached up and pulled her down and lifted up so we could share a kiss. An easy brief one. It felt safer than saying what was in my head right now. Safer for everyone concerned.

Chapter Text

10th November 1985

London

Chrissie's POV

"Louisa is in excellent health and I don't expect any issues for her..." Dr. Talbot summarized after she gave my baby her first official checkup as her pediatrician.

"That's wonderful..." I replied. Happy to know all was well. Dr. Talbot made some notes as I got Louisa back into her baby grow. Snapping up the buttons as the doctor closed the chart and looked at me intently.

"How are you faring as a new mother?" Dr. Talbot queried. I smiled at her.

"Really well actually..." I answered. "I've not had any trouble with breastfeeding and my family was here for the first few weeks so I managed to get some rest..." I advised. She smiled at me.

"How is Brian handling becoming a Dad again?" she then asked me. Dr. Talbot was aware that Brian had fathered the baby. Since she knew Brian and Roger as the pediatrician to their other children, she was aware of their situation. I felt I could be honest about who the father was and also our circumstances.

"He loves children...so he's happy..." I replied. "When he's home...he's a great help with her..." I added. "They're making a new record right now...so he's gone a lot..." I explained. "Jimi's been helping with his baby sister...he adores her!" I then said. Realizing I kind of sounded like I was making excuses somehow.

"I imagine the situation with Brian is complicated..." Dr. Talbot remarked. I know she was trying to be sympathetic. Trying to understand how I managed to end up in this relationship of sorts with Brian and having a child. Both the doctor and I knowing that Brian and Roger were really still together. I wondered if she found us all lacking in morals or just plain crazy.

"I know you are aware of the whole situation regarding Brian and Roger..." I said plainly. "It's unfortunate they aren't able to be together..." I stated with empathy. "We are all just trying to make the best of a bad situation..." I defended. Dr. Talbot reached over and put her hand on my arm.

"I wasn't trying to judge..." she assured me. "I just hope that everyone lands on their feet with this situation you're all in..." Dr. Talbot related. Sounding sincere as she said it.

"I appreciate that..." I responded. "I do know that the hold I have on Brian is tenuous...I understand the day will come when he goes back to Roger..." I said honestly. "I'm grateful I've been given the chance to be a mother..." I said to assuage her concern.

"I'm glad to hear things are clear..." she replied. "I will see you and your little angel on your next visit..." she advised as she stood up and smiled at me.

"Yes...see you then..." I answered. Dr. Talbot left the room as her nurse came in to hand me some papers and walk me out. We chatted about babies and I stopped and made my next appointment. Taking the card and leaving the clinic. I put Louisa in her pram and we headed out. Planning to do a bit of shopping and then collect Jimi from school.

"Chrissie!" I heard someone shout. I turned and saw Dominique walking my way. She had Felix in one of the newer baby carriers. I waved to her and smiled.

"Hi Dom!" I greeted. Happy to see her and her little one. So glad she had a happy ending to her premature birth. We reached each other and shared a quick hug. "You're looking so well...and Felix is really catching up!" I told her truthfully. Thrilled to see how big he had grown and how healthy he looked. Dom smiled proudly.

"Yes...he has really come around..." she agreed as she glanced at her son. "We're headed for his checkup right now..." she advised.

"I was just in with Louisa..." I mentioned. Dom was already peering into the pram and grinning at my daughter.

"She's so beautiful Chrissie..." Dom remarked as she admired her. "Everything check out with her?" she questioned. I nodded.

"Yes...she's in perfect health..." I answered. I suddenly felt bad for saying it considering Felix's struggles. Dom just smiled at me and I saw her place her hand on her stomach.

"Felix is almost there and Roger and I are so grateful..." she replied. "I'm hoping this one doesn't have any of those problems..." she said as I realized she was indicating she was already expecting another baby. My mouth fell open a little in surprise. Brian had not mentioned this. I wasn't aware they were wanting another and so quickly.

"Congratulations!" I told her. Sincerely happy for her. "I'm sure everything will go fine with this one..." I assured her. Hoping it did. Dom let out a sigh.

"If I can just get past the bloody morning sickness!" she said with a mix of weariness and amusement.

"I hope it passes soon..." I expressed to her.

"I better be on my way...don't want to be late!" Dom advised. I remembered her appointment and nodded agreement.

"Yes...good luck with the check up!" I said as Dom began walking past us. Heading into the clinic. I walked to the car park and began placing Louisa in her car seat. Still in a bit of shock at how fast Dom was pregnant again. It had only been a few months since she gave birth. I considered the fact that having such a traumatic experience with Felix made her want another right away. It remained on my mind for the remainder of my drive.

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Brian's POV

"We're ready for the tape again..." I asked the engineer. The demo tape I had made with the guide vocal started playing as Freddie read over the lyric sheet. We were both seated in the recording booth listening. After doing another run through, Freddie began nodding.

"You know Brian...I really think your opening vocal on this is just beautiful..." Freddie complimented. I always felt good when Freddie said something nice about my singing. I felt I couldn't hold a candle next to his prowess. It was nice to hear.

"Thanks..." I replied as Freddie smiled and leaned a little closer to me.

"I think we should try and do a take where you sing the first verse and then I come in...I think the song will benefit from your vulnerability and then me coming in stronger..." he suggested.

"Really?" I questioned. I had to admit Freddie had a knack for understanding these things on vocals. He just seemed to know best on these matters. I wasn't sure I could deliver but was ready to try.

"Yes...let's do a take or two and see how it sounds..." Freddie proposed. I nodded as Freddie advised the engineer we were going to do a take. He prepared the backing track for us to use. I put on my earphones and stood in front of the microphone as Freddie remained close by. Watching me intently.

The keyboard playing began on the backing track and I reached the moment to sing. Finding it odd to be recording the lead vocal on this.

'There's no time for us...there's no place for us...what is this thing that builds our dreams...yet slips away from us...'

I saw Freddie shaking his head as he looked at me and gestured at the engineer to cut the tape.

"What?" I asked him as I pulled my earphones away to hear him.

"It needs more emotion dear..." Freddie tutored. "It needs that vulnerability I hear on the demo..." he explained.

"I thought I was singing it the same?" I questioned. Freddie appeared pensive.

"No...there is something going on in your voice on the demo..." he remarked as he looked at me and then at the lyric sheet on the music stand in front of me. He tapped the page with his finger. "Do you remember when you made the demo?" he asked me. "Can you recall when that was and what was going on with you that day?" he challenged.

"I..." I began to speak. Freddie cut me off as he looked at me intently.

"Try and go back there in your head and hone in on whatever it was that was on your mind..." he requested. "Use that to bring out the emotion it needs when you sing it..." he ordered. I nodded and put my earphones back on. Freddie had the engineer take the track back to the beginning. I stood and waited to hear the keyboard again and thought back to the late night when I had made the demo. Sang the words into the tape. Sliding into memory and what was going on that day. That night. Another sleepless night filled with the worries of my life. I instantly recalled the weight of my situation with Roger and us being kept apart. How that made me feel. What quickly came into my head though was my father's cancer. The consideration he was seriously ill and may succumb to it. I specifically recalled writing these lyrics and it being based on this knowledge. I felt my heart grow heavy as I began singing.

'There's no time for us...there's no place for us...what is this thing that builds our dreams...yet slips away from us...'

Freddie smiled and nodded at me to continue. Clearly like what I was doing. I had to close my eyes because in his praise I thought of my father and how much I had always needed his praise and the thought of him not being there anymore to give it to me made my chest hurt.

'Who wants to live forever....who wants to live forever....who...'

Tears filled my eyes and began sliding down my cheeks. I was quickly being engulfed in my emotions about my father and opened my eyes as I let out a gasp. Freddie was instantly at my side touching my arm.

"Brian!" he said with alarm and concern. "Oh...I didn't mean to make you cry!" he lamented. I pulled the earphones from my head and used my free hand to wipe at my tears. Sniffling to hold in the wetness developing in my nose.

"It's okay..." I said dismissively. Not wanting to make anything of it. Freddie remained at my side. Concern in his face.

"It's not okay..." he replied. "I can see that..." he remarked. He removed my earphones as he began leading me over to sit on the piano bench. Taking a seat next to me. "We need to take a break please!" Freddie announced to the engineer. The young technician switched off the tape and got up from his chair and left the control booth. After he disappeared, Freddie turned to me.

"Is this about Roger or your father?" he questioned. Knowing me so well. I sighed a little as I tried to collect myself.

"Mostly about my Dad..." I confessed. "It's so hard to see him ill and to consider he might not live much longer..." I told him. My heart clenching at saying those words out loud. Freddie gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Your father is a good man who loves you very much...and it's hard for us to accept that our time with our parents is limited once we are grown up..." Freddie philosophized. I knew what he meant.

"I know...I just wish I felt like I had more time with him..." I admitted. "It feels selfish but there it is..." I said as Freddie nodded and crossed his legs.

"I think we all want that dear..." Freddie agreed and then his face soured a little. "Except maybe Roger..." he inferred. We both shared a knowing look. Almost laughing at what we both knew Roger felt about his Dad.

"Yes...Roger has wished his father an early grave more than once..." I said with truthfully.

"I imagine so..." Freddie responded. "The idea of having to bury our parents at some point is a sad notion Brian..." Freddie pondered. "We all will have to face it at some point..." he said plainly. "Saying goodbye to them..." His face showed real empathy. "I'm so sorry you will probably be the one to go through this first..." he offered. I nodded and felt his comfort.

"Thanks Fred..." I replied. Patting his knee so show my appreciation. I got his warm smile in return.

"How are things with you and Roger?" he asked me. I let out a sigh again and the weight of that situation filled me.

"It's tough...I'm not going to make light of it..." I told Freddie truthfully. "I thought being with Chrissie would be a great help to me but it's become a mess really..." I admitted. Freddie formed a curious expression.

"Please don't tell me you've fallen in love with her!" he questioned. Clearly dismayed at the idea. I shook my head.

"No...it's nothing like that..." I replied. "I am fond of her and appreciate everything she has done for me...I think I just need something she can't give me..." I reflected. Not sure that was the case. I just knew I was unhappy.

"The only person who can give you what you really need is Roger..." Freddie pointed out. He was right. But that wasn't possible at the moment.

"Roger is going to check in on his father...he hasn't been in contact at all since he first confronted us and made his demands...we are hopeful that maybe he is just satisfied with the money and doesn't care if we are really together..." I explained. My hopes regarding the matter evident in my face.

"That's promising..." Freddie encouraged. "If you can find out he really just wants his payments...you can move back in together..." he hoped.

"Yeah...fingers crossed!" I replied and held up my hand with my fingers duly twisted together. Freddie raised his own and did the same.

"I need you back together and happy again..." Freddie stated. "I've got my man now and you shouldn't be without yours..." he observed.

"I hope things go our way..." I agreed. Freddie took hold of my hand and lifted it to his face. Pressing a kiss to it gently. I found it quite touching and affectionate.

"You are dear to me Brian...you always have been..." he said sincerely. "If you need anything...please do let me know..." he offered. I smiled warmly at my friend. My brother.

"Thanks Fred...that means a lot..." I told him. We shared a tender look before Freddie patted my hand and stood up.

"Let's give this song another try...shall we?" he proposed. I got up as well as Freddie went to the intercom and pressed the button. "We're ready when you are!" he announced to the engineer. We both smiled as we walked back to the microphone. Ready to get back to the business at hand. With my affection for him having grown exponentially in the past few minutes.

------------------------------------------

I walked into the adjoining studio where Roger and Deacy were working on the backing track for Deacy's love song. I stood in the control booth as they worked. Not wanting to interrupt them. Roger and Deacy were sat at a keyboard together. Working out the melody and figuring out how the drums should sound. Roger said something witty and Deacy laughed. They both seemed so light and happy. I was envious. I rarely felt light and happy these days. Deacy then noticed me in the booth and pointed at me as he told Roger was I there. My husband formed a wide smile and waved at me. I waved back.

Somehow the distance between us right now seemed poignant. I could see him working. See him in the studio. Enjoy his presence and his smile. But it was detached from the rest of my life. When I left the studio, I had to leave that behind. Part of me felt a bitterness at that. It wasn't fair. I kept thinking back to Roger and I speaking of him checking into his father and planned to ask him if there were any developments.

I watched as Roger and Deacy both got up from the keyboard and headed into the control room.

"We're ready for a break..." Deacy announced as he went for his cigarettes. Roger came towards me and gestured for us to leave the control booth. I followed him out and we went to the canteen. Roger walked to the vending machine as we entered.

"Want a Coke?" he asked me.

"Sure..." I replied. He purchased two cans and pulled them from the machine. Handing me one as he sat on top of the table next to me. Opening his can and having a sip.

"How are the vocals coming along?" he asked me. I smiled.

"Good...Freddie thinks I should sing the first verse and then he will come in..." I advised. Roger nodded. Seeming to process the idea.

"It's different...I bet that will be dramatic..." Roger opined. I shrugged.

"I really need to hear the finished piece before I sign off on it..." I told him.

"Okay..." Roger responded. Having another sip of his cola. I took one as well.

"I was wondering if you've been able to check up on your Dad yet?" I asked him. Curious where it stood. Roger took another sip of soda before answering.

"I asked Trevor to look into it for me..." Roger answered. Referring to his step-father. That made sense. Trevor and Winnie lived in the same area and his step-father could use his resources as as retired policeman to check into things.

"That's a good idea..." I said. "Have you heard back from him?" I questioned. Roger shook his head.

"Not yet...I'm sure he needs some time to check into it..." he explained. I nodded.

"Right..." I replied.

"I know you're wanting this resolved Brian...you just need to give it time..." Roger began to say. Sounding like he was assuming I was going to complain.

"I am aware Trevor needs time Rog..." I assured him quickly. "I didn't say anything..." I pointed out. Roger took another sip of his Coke and then crumpled the can in his hand.

"You were going to!" he said defensively. I found it odd he was acting this way. I held up my hands.

"I was not...but I guess we need to drop the subject..." I stated firmly. Roger chucked the can into the nearby bin and missed. He made a sound of disgust as he slid off the table to go collect the can.

"We just need to hang on Brian..." Roger replied as he placed the can in the bin. Still sounding slightly annoyed. He turned and looked at me. Placing his hands on his hips. "I know things aren't ideal...we just have to do the best we can..." he said. Words I had heard him use before. I felt the compulsion to remind him his situation was certainly more favorable than mine. Something we had also covered before. I found myself feeling as irritated as he sounded. The situation was starting to feel like a broken record.

"I guess I'll go try and do my best in the studio..." I said back to him. Sounding short as I said it. I walked out of the canteen. Annoyed that he was being this way with me. I felt I was the one entitled to feel annoyed. Impatient. I heard his footsteps behind me.

"Don't be a shit about this Brian!" Roger called after me. I stopped and turned to look at him. Feeling the rising frustration inside me. Wanting to just unleash everything I felt about our situation on him.

"I think I have been pretty fucking understanding Roger!" I barked at him. "I've tried really hard not to consider the fact that it's your father doing this to me! To us!" I shouted. My hands on my hips and my self control failing.

"And there it is!" Roger snapped back. His face growing red as he gave me a condescending look. "I knew at some point you'd throw that in my face!" he disparaged. "You'd blame me for all this!" he stated.

"I didn't say I blamed you!" I argued. "But it's your father whose responsible for our situation!" I reminded him. "For all this misery!" I lamented as I gestured wildly.

"That's right!" Roger declared with disdain. "My father forced you to call Chrissie and ask her to play house with you!" he countered in a heated tone. Almost mocking me as he said it.

"Don't say a goddam word about her!" I warned. "She has nothing to do with all this!" I pointed out.

"You just keep believing that!" Roger replied.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked him sharply. He glared at me.

"You figure it out!" he answered and stormed away from me. Entering the bathroom and slamming the door. I marched after him. Wanting an answer.

"What the fuck are you saying?" I demanded as I pounded on the door.

"Brian!" I heard someone shout. I turned and saw Deacy standing in the doorway to a studio giving me a shocked expression. Several feet behind him I saw three of the studio employees loitering and looking right at me. Their faces showing they had heard our argument. FUCK!

Deacy came walking up to me. His face showing concern as he approached. I stepped away from the bathroom and looked at the group of people again. Filling with a sense of panic that they heard too much. Deacy took me by the arm and began walking me into a nearby room.

"You can't do this here..." he scolded. I felt a wave of panic fill me as I realized what had happened.

"I know..." I replied. Feeling foolish and still angry at Roger.

"They heard everything you both said!" Deacy pointed out. I cringed hearing it.

"I'll go say something to them..." I proposed. But having no idea what I would say.

"I'll do it...just calm down and both of you need to leave your personal shit at the door..." he recommended.

"Sorry..." I muttered as he gave me a stern look and walked out of the room. I guess he was going to say something to the group of people. I tried to soothe my frayed nerves and sat and closed my eyes. Taking a deep breath and reminding myself Deacy was right. I felt more in control and stepped out of the room. Ready to go back to Freddie and distract myself with work. Finding it a good thing Roger and I were working in different studio rooms right now.

--------------------------------------------------

"We can work on the last part tomorrow..." Freddie proposed. I nodded agreement and began gathering my papers. Freddie got his things and we headed into the control room.

"Alright...what time tomorrow?" I asked Freddie.

"Let's say one..." he suggested. I nodded as the engineer bid us goodbye. Freddie was held up by Ratty and I walked down the hallway. Avoiding the room I knew Roger was in despite feeling better about our earlier row. I hoped the studio staff from earlier was gone as I neared the front lobby.

"Brian!" I heard Roger's voice calling to me. I stopped and turned and found him calm and appearing repentant as he walked up to me.

"Hey..." I responded. He stood near me and looked me in the eyes.

"Look...I'm sorry about earlier..." he told me. His face showing his remorse. I instantly nodded.

"Me too..." I replied. We both smiled a little. Happy we were doing this. Apologizing.

"I know this is harder on you than me...I know you've had a rough time lately...just please hang on and hope that Trevor has good news for us..." he expressed.

"I will..." I replied. I wanted to believe I could keep hanging on. I really needed something good right now. Roger reached for my hand and I let him take out. We were still in the hallway but it was late at night. Most of the studio staff was probably gone.

"We'll get through this..." Roger assured me. I nodded and smiled. We heard a door open and Roger let go of my hand. Freddie and Ratty appeared in the hallway and began walking towards us.

"Who is up for grabbing a bite to eat?" Freddie suggested.

"I need to get home..." Roger stated. I did too.

"Yeah..me too..." I added. Freddie made his usual mildly annoyed sound at our responses.

"Of you go then!" he said with enough amusement injected we knew he wasn't put out. "I guess Ratty and I will go back to my place and enjoy a sumptuous meal..." he boasted.

"He has those fancy cloth napkins you know..." Ratty quipped as Freddie snickered. Roger and I both smiled.

"Enjoy your food then..." Roger said as we all headed out.

"You can stand me up tonight...but you better come to my house warming!" Freddie warned us. We both agreed we would be there and Freddie and Ratty got into one car as Roger and I stood in the parking area. Watching as the car left with our friends.

"I promise I will do everything I can to get us back together as soon as possible..." Roger told me. I believed him and smiled at him.

"I know..." I replied. "I guess we better go..." I said. Roger looked around and I could see there was no one about. It was around 3 in the morning. He placed his hand on my chest and began walking me backward. Into a shadowed corner of the parking area. I was pressed against the wall and he leaned up and gave me a slow kiss. One I eagerly accepted.

We parted ways after that. I got in my car as I watched him slide into his. Both of us looking at the other as we started our engines. Roger pulled out and waved to me as he turned onto the street. I turned into the street heading the opposite way. Looking forward to when we were both going in the same direction again.

-------------------------------------

When I woke from my late night at work, I trudged downstairs after seeing it was past 11am. Hungry and hoping for something to eat and drink. I found Chrissie in the kitchen and Louisa asleep in her portable cradle.

"Morning..." I told Chrissie as I went straight for the coffee pot and poured myself a cup.

"Good morning..." she responded. She was making something at the stove and my stomach growled as I smelled something good. "Are you hungry?" she asked me.

"I'm famished..." I replied. Chrissie smiled as she opened the cupboard and pulled out a bowl.

"I just finished making this soup..." she said as she put some in a bowl and walked it to me. "I've got some bread you can have with it..." It was her homemade vegetable soup and the smell was lovely.

"This is marvelous...thank you..." I told her. She brought over a plate with a few slices of thick bread. I picked one up and dunked it in the wide bowl. Taking a bite of the bread and savoring the taste. I felt Chrissie run her hand over my hair. Her affection warmed me as much as the soup.

"How did things go at the studio?" she questioned. I finished my bite and swallowed. Planning to skip over telling her about the fight I had with Roger.

"Really well..." I answered. "Freddie and I made a lot of progress on the vocals for my song..."

"I can't wait to hear it..." she said and I smiled at her enthusiasm.

"I think you'll like it..." I said as she placed a bowl on the table for herself. She had a seat next to me. "How was Louisa's checkup?" I then asked her. Curious how things went. She hadn't called the studio so I assumed all was well.

"She's perfect!" Chrissie responded. Her face showing her delight in Louisa's results.

"That's wonderful!" I replied. "I'm glad everything checked out and there were no surprises..." I remarked.

"Well...there was one surprise..." Chrissie then said. I was curious what she meant.

"What was it?" I asked. Her face expressed bewilderment.

"I ran into Dom and little Felix when I was leaving the clinic..." she answered.

"Oh...how were they?" I questioned. Not sure why that made her look the way Chrissie did right now.

"Both of them were fine..." Chrissie replied. "They were going in for his checkup..." she explained. "And Dom told me something that really caught me off guard..." she added.

"What was that?" I asked. Chrissie looked at me with disbelief.

"Dom is pregnant again..."

To be continued...

Chapter Text

11th November 1985

London

Voyeurs POV

"Yeah...I've got to talk to Brian about the holidays..." Roger told Freddie and Deacy. They were seated in the control booth waiting on their bandmate to arrive. All 3 had cigarettes dangling from their fingers and a can of Coke nearby.

"Are you going to try and sneak off together again?" Deacy inquired. Roger appeared reticent.

"I'm not sure...my step Dad hasn't got back to me yet with a report on my father..." Roger advised.

"I hope you can manage something...at least for the children..." Freddie wished. Roger smiled as he picked up his can of Coke.

"Me too..." Roger agreed. They dropped the topic when the engineer for the session appeared in the room. Martin was a professional but didn't need to know their private business.

"I guess we can start on the overdubs..." Freddie suggested. Standing up from the sofa and walking to the mixing board.

"Alright..." Roger advised. He got up and grabbed his can of Coke as he walked into the recording booth. Going straight for the drums as Deacy followed and reached for his bass.

"It's odd for Brian to be this late..." Deacy stated as he took a seat on a stool in the recording booth. Looking over at Roger.

"I'm sure he'll call if he's going to be any later..." Roger advised. The two of them began setting up to work on overdubs for 'A Kind of Magic.' Roger was bent over fine tuning one of his snares when he heard someone approaching. He stood up to see Brian had arrived and watched him walk briskly right into the drum booth.

"You're late!" Roger declared as Brian glared at him.

"And you're a fucking liar!" Brian spat back. Roger glared at him. Instantly on the defense.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Roger asked. Unsure what he was referring to.

"You didn't tell me about Dominique!" Brian informed him as he placed his hands on his hips. His entire body expressing his disdain with this husband.

"What about Dom?" Roger questioned, but had a feeling he knew what Brian was referring to and his heart began sinking.

"She's pregnant!" Brian answered in a short tone. "You are having another baby with her and it hasn't even been three months since she gave birth!" he explained in a judgmental manner.

"Her getting pregnant wasn't planned Brian..." Roger tried to point out. "It was an accident..." he argued. Seeing Brian was livid about the situation and not entirely sure why.

"And I suppose you not telling me she was pregnant was planned!" Brian shot back. "That apparently is not an accident because I wasn't told about it...but Chrissie was! By Dom herself!" he practically shouted. Roger saw Deacy motioning to the recording booth and Freddie was coming inside as the engineer was clearly asked to leave. Martin disappeared from the control room.

"Why don't you try and calm down and we can talk about this..." Roger attempted as he tried to quell Brian's anger.

"Yes Brian...I think you need to calm down..." Freddie chimed in as he stepped just inside the doorway to the drum booth.

"I don't want to calm down!" Brian argued back. His hands gesturing madly as his anger grew. "You fucking lied to me!" he repeated. Ignoring Freddie's presence as he focused on Roger.

"It wasn't a lie Brian...I just hadn't figured out how to tell you yet..." Roger said with a sound of regret. Realizing he should have just told him.

"That doesn't make it right Rog!" Brian pointed out. "I had to hear it from Chrissie!" Brian reminded him. "I thought we told each other everything!" he challenged.

"I'm sorry Brian...yes...I should have told you right when Dom told me she was pregnant..." Roger quickly agreed. Seeing it was the only way to end this fight. "I put off telling you because she was having to decide if she was going to keep it and I didn't want to say anything if she opted to end it..." Roger explained.

"That does sounds reasonable..." Freddie interjected. Wanting to help them stop the bickering.

"Stay out of this!" Brian barked at Freddie. "This is between me and Roger!" he declared as he eyed Freddie with a wary look. Freddie instantly turned to face Roger with a surrendering gesture.

"Fine by me..." Freddie said as he took a step back. "I do think you should take this somewhere else..." he pointed out. "Go home and have this disagreement...not here in the studio..." he suggested firmly. Brian turned back to Freddie with an irritated expression.

"I would have this argument at home...but you see Freddie...I'm not allowed to have a home with Roger anymore!" he shouted as his face screwed up with anguish. "I can't live with him...I'm not allowed to spend any time with him...I'm not allowed to love him in the way I should be able to!" he asserted. "I'm not allowed because his fucking father said so and he has us by the balls!" Brian pointed out in a distraught tone. His face then shifted to anger again. "And what about your Dad?" he challenged as he faced Roger again. "Are you telling me the truth about that? Brian asked him pointedly.

"Come on Brian..." Roger said with a degree of annoyance. "We both want to be together and I would never lie to you about anything to do with my Dad!" he assured his husband.

"But do you?" Brian challenged. "Do you really want to be together?" Brian questioned. "I mean...you've got your cozy little setup with Dom now!" he insinuated. "She's a great partner and she's socially acceptable and she can give you all the babies you want!" Brian said glibly.

"And I could say the same of you Brian!" Roger shot back. His patience with the situation at an end and his anger at Brian's accusations growing. "Doesn't Chrissie fill that same criteria?" Roger questioned.

"You told me to be with her Roger!" Brian challenged. "You told me that day in Switzerland when we were alone that you wanted me to be with her..." he reminded Roger. "And you told me that you wanted me to promise you something...do you remember what you made me promise?" he asked his husband. Freddie and Deacy stood just outside the drum booth. Uncertain what to do. Freddie went to step in again to stop the fight and Deacy took his arm.

"Don't...just let them get it all out..." Deacy ordered. Sensing this blow up was inevitable under the circumstances.

"I told you not to fall in love with her..." Roger answered. Clearly recalling the conversation he had with Brian alone on the mountain. The promise he asked Brian to make after telling him he should get with Chrissie for companionship despite it being the last thing he really wanted.

"And I haven't Rog!" Brian assured him. "I kept my promise...have you kept yours?" Brian demanded to know.

"What do you mean?" Roger asked him. Confused by the question.

"Have you kept your promise?" Brian repeated. "Are you in love with Dom? he point blank asked Roger. The drummer's mouth fell open in surprise.

"Of course I've kept it! Don't be ridiculous!" Roger argued.

"But you're having sex with her so soon after having a baby..." Brian challenged. Not willing to let go of the issue. "Is that lust or love Roger?" he wanted to know. Roger folded his arms across his chest. Feeling insulted.

"If you must know...she initiated it!" Roger snapped back. Brian lowered his eyes at him.

"But you were obviously on board with it!" Brian insinuated. "Is that love or lust?" he repeated. Staring down his husband as he waited for an answer. Roger was done with all this.

"I'm not doing this anymore!" Roger yelled at him. "This is fucking ridiculous!" he complained.

"Answer the fucking question!" Brian demanded. Not taking his glare off of his husband. Roger threw his arms in the air.

"You want me to tell you the truth?" Roger stated as he glared back.

"It's all I ever wanted!" Brian assured him. Waiting for an answer. Knowing what he expected to hear and needing it said.

"I don't fucking know!" Roger responded. "Are you fucking happy now?" Roger asked him. His face showing dismay at being forced to confront something he had chosen to deny. Brian's face registered alarm at actually hearing the words. He took a step forward and before he realized what he was doing he slapped hard Roger across the face.

Freddie and Deacy both gasped in surprise at Brian's action. Roger stumbled backwards on his feet. Aghast at what just happened to him. Brian turned and stormed towards the doorway as Freddie and Deacy quickly jumped out of his way. Both of them still in shock as Brian bolted. Going for the door to the control room and continuing out of the studio.

"Christ Roger! Are you alright?" Freddie asked in dismay as he stepped in to offer aid to his friend. Roger was rubbing at the red spot forming on his cheek. His face still showing alarm at what happened.

"I'm fine!" Roger said as he let out a deep sigh and leaned against the wall of the booth for support. Freddie stepped closer and placed his hand on Roger's shoulder. Worried about him.

"That was pretty ugly..." Freddie remarked. Deacy came up beside him. Offering a supportive expression.

"You okay?" Deacy asked the drummer. Roger nodded.

"I could use a cigarette..." Roger confessed. Deacy left the room to collect one for his bandmate. Roger closed his eyes and rubbed at his cheek again. He opened them as Deacy returned carrying a packet of smokes.