Chapter Text
Air was forced from her lungs abruptly as Eleri’s back landed on the ground, Emmett’s limp body crash-landing mostly on her legs—thankfully missing the bottle Eleri hugged protectively to her chest. Luckily, it seemed they were all in one piece even if it felt like she had left her stomach back on Darius’ front doorstep.
Eleri quickly took stock of their surroundings, noting the bricked walls on either side of the well-shaded alleyway that they seemed to be occupying. Apart from some trash and an unfortunately placed puddle of gutter water that was seeping into her shirt, the alley was thankfully empty. It did, however, have a rather vile stench.
If one were to put in words, the alley smelled of desperation. That is to say, it smelled like someone was desperate for a restroom and decided the alley would suffice.
Eleri resisted the urge to gag as she slowly sat up, kicking her legs until they were free of Emmett’s weight. She carefully set Imogene’s bottle on the ground, and stood, leaning on the nearest wall for support. One might think that after the first magic whirlpool ride, she would have been somewhat acclimatized, but no.
After she felt steady enough to move, Eleri hauled Emmett over to the wall and leaned him against it, making sure he was shaded from the sunlight that had decided to make an appearance today. “You, stay there,” she ordered when his body seemed like it might try to tip over. “There will be none of that, thank you.”
After wiping her dirty hands on her pants, Eleri went digging around for her phone only to find that it was completely dead. Evidently, she should have gone home and charged it instead of sleeping in her car last night.
She debated trying to free Imogene to see if the witch had a phone, but there were a few problems with that. Mainly, Eleri had no idea how to get her out of the bottle since breaking it didn’t seem like a good idea, nor did she remember the magic words Imogene had used for uncorking the bottle at the manor. It was also unlikely the girl was in possession of her phone since she hadn’t used it to call Dessa.
With a sigh, Eleri turned her attention to the vampire in front of her. “You better not be faking it, Emmett.” She gave him a swift smack to the face just to be sure.
When the vampire failed to rouse, Eleri frowned in displeasure. She took solace in the fact that at least that meant he had for sure not been conscious to hear Darius confirm that the wine cellar was, in fact, not a dungeon. Silver linings.
She took this time to pilfer the poor, vulnerable vampire’s pockets.
Her search turned up an odd variety of bits and bobs that left Eleri wondering what all the crap was for. He had a roll of scotch tape, some paperclips, a bouncy ball, a pen, a wallet with fifty bucks in it, and much to her delight, a phone that was fully charged.
She knew she had brought him along for a reason!
Now, they needed a getaway driver, and without knowing any useful numbers off the top of her head, and without being able to talk to Imogene to get Dessa’s number, that left Eleri with very few options. The options being the people who resided in Emmett’s contacts.
Unfortunately, instead of labelling them like a normal person, Emmett had decided to give everyone an indecipherable nickname. Yet another layer of obstacle when it came to Eleri selecting an appropriate candidate.
So far, she assumed ‘guy with the hair’ or ‘cradle-snatcher’ was Edward—Eleri found both of these options to be absolutely hilarious and could think of no better candidate than the telepath. There was also ‘Doctor D’ who she assumed was Carlisle, though it was unclear what exactly the ‘D’ stood for. Eleri also guessed that ‘Cutie patootie ;)’ was Alice since Rosalie would likely prefer death over that nickname.
She was unsure as to who ‘Ducky’ or ‘Goober’ were, but there was a mountain of names to sift through and likely many—old acquaintances and such—that Eleri didn’t know.
Going with her gut, Eleri selected the one that read ‘Wifey’ figuring that it was likely Rosalie and Rosalie was probably their best option for a getaway driver since she tolerated Eleri, liked driving, and would probably like her husband returned to her.
The phone rang once before it was answered and Eleri frowned when a rather deep voice answered, “Emmett?”
“Rosalie?” Eleri frowned in confusion. “Why do you sound like Jasper?”
“Because I am Jasper, Eleri.” His southern drawl was rather unmistakable now that she knew it was him, and Eleri felt a flush start to heat her cheeks.
“Oh, right, w-well…is Rosalie there?” Eleri stuttered like an idiot.
“Eleri, why are you calling from Emmett’s phone?”
“Well, mine’s dead,” she responded, starting to get her bearings now that she knew that the contact ‘Wifey’ was evidently Jasper—not an ideal candidate for getaway driver since he was…Jasper.
“And where’s Emmett? Is he not with you?” Jasper’s tone took on a suspicious note that caused Eleri to wince.
“No, he’s here,” she answered, hoping in vain that that wouldn’t prompt any follow-up questions.
“Can you put him on the phone?”
“Well, no.”
“Why not?”
“I’d rather not say.”
“Eleri,” he warned, his voice tight. “What’s going on?”
“Everything is under control,” she reassured quickly. “Emmett is just a bit…incapacitated at the moment. It’s temporary, though. It’s just that he’s a bit heavy and sparkly for me to casually drag around during the middle of day in Seattle.”
“Where’s your car?”
“Not nearby.”
“Eleri,” he said again, this time, it was kind of breathy like he was either trying not to laugh or holding back a sigh of displeasure—neither reaction desirable in Eleri’s opinion.
“I know, I know, you’re probably busy with planning for the fight and all,” she rambled. “You weren’t my first choice, not even the second if I’m being honest.” She would have picked Alice and reluctantly agreed to attending any sort of shopping spree as recompense over willingly calling Jasper to come rescue her. “But if you could come pick us up, I would really appreciate it.”
“Where are you?”
“Um…I’m not sure, hold on,” Eleri said, heading for the mouth of the alley.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” Jasper certainly sounded displeased at that, but Eleri chose to ignore him. It’s not like he had ever been chewed up and spat back out by a magical translocating blender before.
“I appear to be in an alley behind a Denny’s parking lot,” Eleri stated, squinting and holding a hand to her face to block the sun as she peered out from behind a dumpster that partially hid the alley from passersby. “Is that enough for you to find us?”
“I’ll be there in two hours at most.”
“There’s no rush.” It was at least a three-and-a-half-hour drive to Seattle if one was going the speed limit.
“Two hours, Eleri.” And then he hung up.
“Well, then. I guess he’ll be here in two hours,” she said to Emmett’s unconscious form. “Why the hell am I telling you that?”
With plenty of time on her hands, Eleri started to investigate Imogene’s bottle more closely. She turned it this way and that way, trying to peek through the dark-tinted glass to see what was going on in there. The bottle certainly felt heavier than an empty bottle, but it didn’t feel quite like a full bottle either.
There didn’t seem to be liquid in it at all, since it didn’t slosh around when she gently shook it.
“Imogene?” she whispered at the glass, feeling stupid. “Are you in there?”
The bottle remained silent, though at one point, Eleri thought she heard little, tiny taps tink, tink, tink-ing against the glass. But with the rustle of garbage in the wind and the rumble of cars ambling nearby, she was convinced that she was hearing what she wanted to hear—anything but silence.
When it became evident that that was a bust, Eleri noticed that the smell of Denny’s was wafting into the alley and overpowering the garbagy stench. The hot, greasy food tried to summon her, pleading with her empty stomach for her to answer its call.
She didn’t feel comfortable leaving bottled Imogene and helpless Emmett in the alley defenceless, but they were kind of hidden back here and she wasn’t going to take that long.
Eleri set Imogene’s bottle on the pavement next to Emmett and stood back to take in the sight someone would see if they stumbled into the alley. It kind of looked like a preppy, high school jock went on a bender with his parent’s expensive wine. It was perhaps believable, and certainly didn’t give away any supernatural indicators, but was maybe not the most effective for signalling people to ‘stay away.’
It was really Emmett’s pretty face that was being problematic. Normally, anyone doused in dumpster juice passed out in an alley would be enough to keep curious persons away, but his damn vampire allure was ruining it.
Grabbing an errant piece of cardboard, Eleri fished the pen—and the fifty bucks to pay for her food—out of his pocket. She then messily scrawled ‘I BITE’ on the cleanest side and taped it to Emmett’s shirt with an ungodly amount of scotch tape.
She took another look and frowned. It wasn’t great, but it would have to do.
After ignoring many disgusted looks directed at her—largely due to her smell and raggedy appearance despite her attempt to clean up in the restroom—Eleri made her way back to the alley with two bags of food, one with her burger and fries, and the other with some chicken tenders for Imogene.
She sat down next to Emmett and cracked open her prize. The fries were heavenly, and she devoured them with abandon. “Fuckin’ phenomenal,” she said between bites, giving Emmett a smack on the shoulder. “Thanks for lunch, big guy.”
The burger evaporated in about three seconds flat, leaving Eleri with the hiccups and a bit of a stomach ache.
With a groan, Eleri leaned her head against Emmett’s cold shoulder and resisted the urge to take a nap. She only had to wait about forty minutes or so before Jasper got there—she could stay awake for at least that long, or at least until Emmett woke up. She really ought to have asked Darius the average time it took for the spell to wear off.
Well, Eleri probably should have asked Darius for a bottle opener too, or a direct vortex portal to Dessa’s house.
She resigned herself to bouncing Emmett’s bouncy ball against the opposite wall of the alley and catching it. It was somewhat entertaining, she supposed.
It was about twenty minutes more until Emmett groaned, slowly regaining consciousness.
“Wha-? Where?” he asked, blinking in confusion. “Eleri?”
“He lives!” she announced. “Well, sort of.”
“Ugh,” Emmett grunted, going to rub his face with his hand, only to sniff it and put it back on the ground. “Eugh! What happened? Where are we? How did we get here?”
“All in good time, Emmett Cullen, or should I say, Emmett Culleone?” Eleri drawled, giving him an unimpressed look. “Don’t think you got away with it.” She had been paying attention when Emmett was talking with Darius, and while she couldn’t place it at the time, she had had a good long while to think about it. “Barzini? Sollozzo? Captain McClusky? Did you really used The Godfather as source material for your prayer?” She didn’t know whether to laugh or smack some sense into him.
“You said to keep it impersonal!” he defended, and Eleri fought off a smile. No wonder his prayer was taking so long, he must have been reciting a good portion of the movie.
“I suppose I did,” she admitted. “Before I answer your questions, I’m afraid you’ll have to answer some of mine first. For starters, did you purposefully decide to bring a bouncy ball and miscellaneous office supplies on a hunt, or do you keep these things in your pockets at all times?”
“How was I supposed to know what to bring?” he argued with a grin and Eleri laughed in his face. “Don’t laugh at me! Rose wouldn’t let me take any of her tools.” That only made her laugh harder. “I had to raid Carlisle’s desk.”
“You didn’t,” Eleri breathed through peals of laughter. “Oh, that’s too funny.”
“Ha, ha, laugh it up,” he rolled his eyes. “Now, tell me what’s going on,” he whined impatiently.
Fine, fine, fine,” Eleri complied. “After Imogene was bottled and you were put in a magical coma, I talked with Darius, and we came to an agreement. I will put in a good word with Imogene and he, in turn, would stop sending people to stalk her. Then, he let us go—well, he let me go and I decided to drag you two along with me.” She winked cheekily.
“That’s it? No fancy fighting? No explosive magic displays?”
“I’d thought you would be happy you didn’t miss out on a bunch of action.”
“I suppose,” he pouted.
“Don’t worry, this was a relatively tame hunt. They won’t all be like this,” Eleri reassured him with a consolatory pat on his leg. “Besides, there will be lots of newborns for you to tear through soon enough.”
“You’re right, but I was hoping to brag to Jasper about all my badassery.”
Badassery? This was laughable coming from the vampire that made her enter the creepy basement and the mistakenly-assumed dungeon first.
“I mean, you were the reason we were able to find Darius in the first place. We’d probably still be searching for Imogene if you hadn’t come up with that epic, Godfather-inspired prayer.”
“That was pretty amazing of me,” Emmett smiled, leaning back and crossing his arms behind his head. He shifted to cross his legs, almost knocking over the wine bottle parked next to him.
“Be careful!” Eleri cried, snatching Imogene’s bottle away from beside him. “You almost hurt Imogene.”
“My bad,” he smiled sheepishly. “She’s still in there then?”
“Yeah, I’m not a hundred percent sure how to get her out. I’m assuming we just need to take the cork out to set her free, but I am fresh out of corkscrews and I’m not familiar with the spell she used earlier.”
“So she really is inside there, eh?” Emmett said, as Eleri passed him the bottle to investigate. “I can hear her little heartbeat.”
“Really?” Eleri asked, fascinated by that discovery. “Can you hear her speaking to us?”
“Hm,” Emmett said, pressing his ear to the glass. “Oh, she is not a happy camper.”
“So you can hear her!” Eleri said excitedly. “What is she saying? Should we take the cork out?”
“I can’t listen if you’re talking so loudly.”
“Sorry,” Eleri whispered.
“She is banging on the glass and saying, ‘get me out of here’ over and over again,” Emmett said after a moment. “It’s kind of funny actually—not her being trapped in there, obviously—but because she’s so small, she sounds like those little mice from Cinderella.”
“Imogene, can you hear me?” Eleri yelled at the bottle, then looked to Emmett to confirm a response.
“Yes, she heard.”
“Do we take the cork out, yes or no?”
“Yes,” Emmett echoed Imogene’s answer.
“Okay, now, how do we do that?” Eleri looked to Emmett who grinned excitedly and began to scour his pockets before producing a paperclip.
“Tada! And you laughed at my supplies.”
“If you manage to get the cork out with a paperclip, I shall be very impressed.”
“Then prepare to be impressed,” Emmett declared as he set to work fiddling around with the paperclip.
Eleri watched for a few minutes before becoming bored. She debated starting to bounce the ball again but instead, she settled for bothering the girl in the bottle.
“Hey, Imogene?” she called out. “When we get you out, are you going to grant us three wishes?”
Emmett paused his efforts for a moment.
“No,” he answered with a chuckle. “She said it with more colourful words, but in essence, no.”
“Shame,” Eleri said as Emmett went back to work.
Before Eleri could come up with another question to tease the witch about her predicament, Emmett made a noise that signalled victory, and the cork released with a pop.
There was a stream of purple-coloured vapour that poured from the bottle and formed into a large puddle on the pavement. Both Eleri and Emmett stood and backed away from the rapidly growing fog. It rose into a tall column before it dissipated, revealing a sour-faced Imogene that was dripping with residual 1961 Bordeaux.
“Before you say anything, I have chicken tenders for you, courtesy of Emmett.” Eleri held up the bag of food as a peace offering. Imogene was bound to be hungry after being kidnapped and held in a cellar since yesterday.
“Gimmie.” Eleri passed the bag to the hungry witch and watched as she tore into it with relish.
“What did you mean by ‘courtesy of Emmett?’” Emmett asked as he pulled out his wallet, finding that it was devoid of cash. “Did you rob me?”
“Would I do that?” Eleri looked at him with an innocent expression. “I did leave you here alone for a few minutes…was poor Emmett mugged by a human while I was away? How embarrassing for a beefy vampire like yourself.”
“Edward’s right,” Emmett gave her a glare that was softened by a cheeky smirk. “You are a thug.”
“Edward said I was a thug?” Eleri choked out a laugh of disbelief. “Oh, that’s precious.”
“Sorry to interrupt,” Imogene said, unapologetically. “But where the hell are we?”
“When I stepped out of your father’s manor, we were…swirled away to an alley behind a Denny’s parking lot,” Eleri said matter-of-factly.
“Right.” Imogene looked at their surroundings with her nose wrinkled in disgust. Evidently, being trapped in a wine bottle had the benefit of keeping out the gutter stench. At least Eleri had gotten used to it now. “I assume my mother is on her way.”
“Um, not exactly.”
“Eleri, I am sticky and smell like I’ve been marinating in wine for a week. Please tell me there is someone coming to get us.” Imogene gave her a hard look that was piercing with her grey eyes.
“My phone was dead, and I didn’t know Dessa’s number off the top of my head,” Eleri explained. “I tried to call Rosalie, Emmett’s wife, to come get us using his phone, but unfortunately, all his contacts have ridiculous nicknames.”
“Oh my,” Emmett said, grinning so wide it looked like it hurt. “I think I know who you called.”
Eleri glared at the jubilant vampire. “Imagine my surprise,” she continued, “when I called the contact ‘Wifey’ and Jasper answered.”
“Are you sure you didn’t call him intentionally?” Imogene asked, her grin rivalling Emmett’s. “It makes sense that you’d want to spend time with your crush.”
“Is there any way to get you back in that bottle? I think we let you out prematurely.”
“At least she’s not denying it anymore,” Emmett said to Imogene who nodded sagely in response.
“Hey!” Eleri objected. “There is no crush.”
“Spoke too soon,” Imogene muttered to the vampire.
“I’m starting to regret introducing you two to each other,” Eleri grumbled. Heaven-forbid they ever team up with Joan or Alice—she wouldn’t stand a chance. “Speaking of Jasper, I think it would be a good idea to set some ground rules before he gets here. Mainly, no insinuating feelings on my behalf and certainly no wingmanning.” She gave Emmett a pointed look and the vampire pouted. “And there shall be no knowing looks passed or…or…giggling. Absolutely no giggling.”
“So strict,” Emmett commented. “It’s almost like she cares what Jasper will think.”
“Borderline oppressive,” Imogene agreed. “Who would have thought giggling was so heinous.”
“Truly,” Emmett responded to the witch with a nod. “A felonious act, that giggling.”
“Oh, shut up.” Eleri rolled her eyes, but her words held very little bite. “This little conversation the two of you are having is only providing me with further justification for my rules. You guys can’t be trusted.”
“You wound me!” Emmett cried dramatically. “Do the bonds of friendship mean nothing to you?” Eleri gave him an unimpressed look. “Fine, alright. I’ll be good. Promise.”
“I will also follow your rules,” Imogene agreed. “But don’t think for a second you’ve convinced me to go along with the giggling one. I don’t giggle.” She gave Eleri one of her signature glares. “It’s a matter of principle.”
“Right,” Eleri acknowledged before changing the subject. “Now, Jasper will be here in ten minutes-ish, so—” Eleri was cut off by the sound of a car whipping into the parking lot, stopping abruptly at the alley entrance. “…Nevermind.”
“Jazz!” Emmett greeted with his arms spread wide as if he were expecting an embrace from the blond vampire who zipped into the alley. “Welcome, brother of mine!”
Jasper stood there looking imposing, his tall frame adding to the severity of his stoic expression—save for the faint crinkle of his nose, betraying his distaste for the smell. His outfit was a strange, yet oddly fitting blend of casual and formal: well-worn blue jeans paired with a crisp, white long sleeve, shielding his skin from the sunlight. To complete the look, he’d donned a rather fetching brown cowboy hat to shade his face.
“You’re early,” Eleri stated, feeling a bit like a naughty kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She had been hoping to tidy up her rag-tag group before he had gotten there, but now it was too late.
She watched his head cock to one side and his lips quirk into a half-smile as he took in their appearance. No doubt he was wondering why she and Emmett smelled—and looked—like they had been dumpster diving and why Imogene smelled like she had been swimming in a vat of 1961 Bordeaux. It didn’t help that Eleri hadn’t gotten around to removing the cardboard sign she had haphazardly taped to Emmett’s chest that read, ‘I BITE.’
“Just what have you been up to?” he asked like he couldn’t possibly fathom how they had ended up here. In his defence, Eleri was feeling similarly.