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Amity had awakened not too long ago; however, her mind was desperate to finish the story her brain created. She stared at her ceiling before checking the time. "Oh my god!" She says in a hushed whisper. She woke up late! She messed up her routine. She messed up everything.
Okay. Just start today. She cannot miss a day of school, she hasn't been absent in forever. Amity sighs, climbing out of bed. She looks down at her shaking hands, and from the way her limbs tremble, she can sense they know it was going to be a bad day too. She sighed and roughly swallowed, inching to the bathroom.
Once she was actually inside of the room, Amity stared at her reflection. God, she was a complete mess. She hasn't gotten the best sleep in days, so eye-bags colored her under eyelid. She got on her school attire before combing her hair and putting her earrings in. Today was a few days after the time at the mountains. Today she was holding a grudge over her siblings. Not too long ago she had practically befriended that dunce who thinks she can be a witch. Or, as Amity now knows to call her, Luz.
Luz is a trouble maker, an annoying brat, a bully, a friend. Luz is the only thing she has faith in to pull her out of this mess. The world around her truly hurts. So she had learned to hurt it back. But Luz saw straight through that. Luz-- Oh God! School.
She forgot to tie up her hair! Where are her hair ties? She rummaged for them and accidentally knocked a bunch of stuff over. What is she going to do? She backs up against the door, covering her mouth. She hears a knock, and, unfortunately, it is followed a familiar voice. One that burns her brain. "Mittens! you're taking quite awhile. Don't want to be late as 'Top Student!'" Emira said in that horrible tone. Her cheeks feel warm from pure embarassment as the other giggles. She was just teasing, Amity knew that. But it still hurt.
Amity bites her wrist, fangs sinking into her skin. She attempts to steady her breathing, it takes a bit before it actually works, and then she grabs he bag an she's off to school. Her day can't get any worse than that.
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Okay. So her day can get worse than that. Amity's head is pounding. The lights are so bright. The sound of anyone talking hurts. It hurts so bad. She knew she wasn't meant to be like this. She's a Blight for crying out loud! She shouldn't react like this. If her mom knew, she would never hear the end of it.
Her mom does know. She knew about it when she was younger. The memories invade her mind, replaying over and over.
"Speak up!" When she whispered. She whispered because she knew how her mom was. She understood the trouble she could easily be in. So she tried to please her. As usual.
"Don't talk back!" When she talked louder, following the wishes of her mother prior. This comment always ended with a smack. .
"Use your words!" When she didn't talk at all, desperate to appease her mother.
"Don't be so sensitive!" When she cried over the texture of food.
"You're acting like a child!" When she refused to eat the food.
She was never just right. She was too loud, too quiet, too annoying, too naive, too much of a crybaby, too monotone, too dense, too slow, too much of a nerd. She was never perfect. How could someone like her even dream of upholding the Blight reputation?
Amity could feel her organs twist and turn in pure anxiety. She hasn't eaten in two days because they lack her comfort food item. Which is also a reason why her stomach hurts.
She wishes she wasn't already late to first period so she had somewhere to cry. Wait. She's late!? Crap! She might as well not even show- no. Her mom would beat her. Being late is probably worth a smack and a grounding. She's fine. She could handle.
Her clothing is too tight. And itchy. And hot. Her sweat makes it stick to her skin. It's disgusting. It's too much. Everything hurts.. it's like she has third degree burns all over her body and the slightest touch, even from her clothing, aches. Stop. She's a Blight. She isn't weak. She isn't allowed to cry. She is meant to be smart, strong, and sophisticated. She's meant to be perfect, not holding a single mistake. So why isn't she?! Shut up. Shut up. Her thoughts are too loud. Her legs are so heavy. It's hard to walk. What if they throw her in the detention pit for being late? She wouldn't want that. Her mom would kill her if it doesn't.
She has no way out. Amity steps into the classroom, wide, unblinking eyes locked to the floor. "Why are you late?" She hears the teacher ask. Why is she late? She looks around the classroom. Everyone is staring. She roughly swallows. "Well?" The teacher adds when she does not respond. Her "Top Student" badge shines in the lighting. She doesn't deserve the title. She doesn't live up to her name. The whispers. The lights. The teachers loud breathing. The staring. The background noise. The smell of the classroom. The texture of her clothes. It's too much. Too much.
In one quick motion, she whips herself around and runs out. Crap. Why'd she do that? She can't get her legs to stop moving. They're relentless, carrying her to their own destination despite her own being the opposite way. She finds herself in the empty Girls Restroom by the time they stopped. She's hunched over, hyperventilating like crazy. She felt as if she was having a panic attack. Amity punches the ground, then her head, then she pulls at her hair. She pulls and tugs and rips. Tears threaten to fall, she begs them not to, but they don't give up. They fall, as if purposely going against her greatest wishes.
Amity curls up on the ground, flapping her hands aggressively. She needed this to stop. She was such a failure. A disappointment. She scratches at her arms, digging into her skin as much as she can. Everything hurt. Loud sobs and wails left her mouth. She was useless. Unloveable. She deserved everything that has happened to her during her childhood and her years now.
It's then that she realizes she's out in the open, anyone could see her. She's too vulnerable. She drags her body across the floor, slumping into a stall. Her cries never stopped, body desperate to escape. Everything was too much. The bathroom was too bright. It smelt terrible. Why did her legs choose to come here? She's worthless. She can't do a healing spell. She could barely do a fire spell right. She still has to use a training wand to learn new spells! She can't do anything.
She bites her hands, trying to stop her cries. If she couldn't be a good witch or a good child, then she at least has to be good at keeping her emotions to herself. No one, and she means no one, can see her like this.
Amity hears the door open and she shrinks back into the far corner of the stall. "Alright, Luz! You got this. It's just an entry exam. Nothing good ol' Luz can't handle.." She hears from the person who came in. Is Luz giving herself a pep talk..? Wait- "Luz!?" She clasps her hands over her mouth. Why'd she say that aloud! Crap crap crap. She's so stupid. An actual idiot.
"Amity?" She heard Luz say, her steps echo around the bathroom, burning her ears. "Where are you?" The human asks. Amity lets out a sob, just to add to how pointless she is. She couldn't even keep her mouth shut! She's so done with everything. Why couldn't Luz just go away. She sees her shoes from under the stall door. "Amity..? Could you open this for me-- If- if you aren't, y'know." Luz stammers over her words, making a fool of herself. How could she be so comfortable making such a big mistake? "Or- Better idea! I'll sit outside the stall and wait for you to be ready, how does that sound?" Terrible. She wanted Luz to just- go away! But a part of her yearned for the powerless witch. The one who found her journal invaded her privacy. But, then again, they also went through a lot that night. Her siblings were being over the top. She remembers being so angry that night she had cried herself to sleep. She hasn't made any new journal entries, a fear of them being found once again. That was also her fault.
Yet Luz was waiting for her outside the stall. For what? To gawk at and mock her? She knew Luz wasn't like that, but the voice in her head was so loud. Luz didn't grow impatient, she only sat down outside of the stall. "..I locked the door so no one else could come in..?" Luz added, to lure her further into this trap. She wanted to go over. She wanted to let Luz hold her if that was her true intent. Even if the touch would be the worst thing in the world right now because her brain doesn't want it. Stop! Stop having those thoughts. Luz is a human, from the human realm. She's powerless, a Blight can't associate with someone so weak.
But then again, she was just as weak. And it's worse. Because she is tarnishing her family name. Amity lets out another harsh sob, hiding her face in her knees "I'm gonna crawl under, okay?" She shoots up, wide eyes staring as Luz struggles to go underneath toe stall door. Now she is directly seeing Amity like this. No, no, no, no! Luz probably hates her now. This wasn't mean to happen. Luz touches her shoulder and Amity flinches, shrinking away. "Do you not want to be touched?" The other asked, getting a nod as an answer. Touch seemed to hard. Despite how much she actually would've yearned for it if she wasn't such a wimp. She wipes wipes her eyes, locking her gaze to ceiling.
"Want to hear a story?" Luz asks. Did Amity want to hear a story? She doesn't know. Her head hurts so bad. The human certainly couldn't have anything to share that is actually helpful, like, what could she know? But, despite herself, she nods. Luz smiles, sitting down next to her. "In elementary, I had an established routine in class. We'd count to one hundred everyday, but then they changed it on us. And I got very upset, so I cried. My surroundings were so bright and noisy, and the sudden change was- I- I couldn't take it. Obviously this was a long time ago, so don't get the wrong idea." The other had a somber smile across her face. Amity loved her smile despite the context- no. no she didn't. She perked up upon hearing that the other had more to say. "And.. later on in life, when I was nine, I got diagnosed with two disorders; ADHD and Autism. Do you have that here..?" Amity shakes her head. What was Luz applying..? "Well.. Uhm- I think it's an everybody thing- and- uhm. Disorders aren't a bad thing, by the way! But I think you're autistic. I see my experiences in you." Amity freezes. No, no she wasn't autistic. she couldn't be. She was a Blight. Disorders are for weak people who can't do anything for themselves! She presses her hands against her ears, tears flooding over her cheeks once again. "No-! No, no, no no.." Amity exclaims, sobs overtaking her right after.
Luz grabs her hands, causing Amity's cheeks to flush. "Amity, it isn't a bad thing- as I said! It just means your brain functions differently than others. Needing support because of this doesn't mean you're dumb." The human tries to persuade her mind, but she knows she's a worthless failure. Amity knows how Luz really sees her right now. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! "I- I'm a Blight. I- I- I- I can't be..." She tries to defend herself; however, Luz quickly shuts her down. "Shh.. it's okay. Anyone can be autistic. It doesn't change a thing. I wish I could squeeze your brain in a tight hug until that thought just goes away."
The witch roughly swallows, drying her cheeks. "I'm sorry..." she says, turning her head away from Luz. "There was no need to apologize, silly! it isn't your fault!" She grinned, leaning against Amity. in response, she tenses. Amity feels her face burning all the sudden. It's weird. But she assumes she was just embarrassed.
"I have my entry exam today. Actually! I'm probably expected to be there right now. I'll check back in after, just- uhm- I don't know? And I'll also tell you how it went after. Okay?" Amity nods once again, but this time, with a small, tired smile. The happy attitude Luz is displaying reflects onto her. She's sure the human is messing with her brain.
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