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English
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Published:
2025-03-15
Completed:
2025-03-15
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12,605
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7/7
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Who'd want to be human, anyway?

Summary:

Doc is a hybrid of what one might say are too many species - So much so, that he needs a separate chip in his brain to keep them organized, otherwise his head might just... implode.

It's a perfect system until his implant's power core suddenly vanishes and the whole server is thrown into chaos searching for it.

They look far and wide, from the scorching acres of the Nether to the empty depths of the Void, until Xisuma abruptly disappears, all the while the redstoners try to build him a replacement and Cleo and Scar desperately try to take care of him without hurting his ego - why, who could have been the source of such a disaster?

Well, there's only one man like that on Hermitcraft.

Notes:

Title from "Outliars and Hyppocrates: a fun fact about apples" by Will Wood.

Chapter 1: Mainline your animus

Summary:

Ren lets out a sigh and shuffles his feet in the sand.

As if an answer to his anxieties from the universe itself, a brilliant shooting star trails across the sky.

Except, wait...

There aren't any shooting stars in Hermitcraft.

What there are is yelling German men. Well… One yelling German man, to be specific.

Notes:

Chapter title from "BlackBoxWarrior - OKULTRA" by Will Wood.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Ren looked out at the beautiful, starry sky. Unlike his home planet this season, it was still clear, untainted by smog or light pollution. Gazing over at the full face of the Moon, he found himself thinking…

Was it, perhaps, just a little bigger then usual?

No, not at all. The Moon was totally average, as always. Everything was in perfect order, gentle and peaceful like an azalea tree on a mangrove shore.

A sudden breeze whipped through the grounds of the colony, kicking up red sand and dried twigs, ruffling the exposed fur of Ren’s ears and tail.

The wolf hybrid let out a howl. Some time ago, he had used to be embarrassed of such things, but lately, he'd realized there was nothing wrong with indulging his instincts from time to time. Ren grinned wide, sharp canines gleaming, upon hearing his fellow wild wolves howl back a response.

Everything was peaceful.

Too peaceful.

Things had been going too well this season, Ren thought. No world-ending threats, no wars, just… hanging out with his bestest friends in the world. Which wasn't bad, not at all! What it was is suspicious. As if something was just waiting, lurking beyond the skybox or beneath the void, ready to jump out once everyone had finally let their guard down. Ren had to make sure he wouldn’t. What good would a guard dog be if it merely rolled over for intruders?

Ren let out a sigh and shuffled his feet in the sand. No. No. He was worrying too much. He had promised himself to just enjoy the moment this season.

He raised his gaze from the ground and his eyes widened in awe. As if an answer from the universe itself, a brilliant shooting star trailed across the sky. He clasped his hands together and wished, with all his heart he wished, that these peaceful, fun days would last.

Closing his eyes, he carefully worded out the wish in his head, just in case the shooting star was some cruel genie that would pick it apart and somehow seek to turn it against him. Then, he realized he should have wished for more wishes. Then he realized that, wait…

There aren't any shooting stars in Hermitcraft.

What there were was yelling German men. Well… One yelling German man, to be specific.

Doc could have been a shooting star, the way he plummeted into Ren's front lawn straight from the stratosphere. Thankfully, he landed in a large, dead bush, softening the fall that would have otherwise crumpled him like a harmonica.

"Ren, Ren it's an emergency!" he got out in the midst of untangling himself from between the twigs, torn elytra haphazardly discarded behind him.

The genuine panic in his voice made Ren do a double take. Sure, Doc lost his cool sometimes, but those were controlled incidents, just him being a big baby in the presence of his friends. Most importantly of all, it was always anger, never fear, and especially not panic.



Ren quickly ran up to him.

"Woah, man, slow down. What's going on?" Ren asked as he approached his friend.

In response, Doc took a few disoriented steps back, holding his hands out defensively.

"Stay! I need you to listen very carefully" he asserted.

There was a red warning light blinking where his left, robotic eye should have been, periodically casting an eerie glow on their surroundings two.

"Find the core! I need you to find the core…" Doc got out with a hiss, like he was in pain – Ren couldn't gauge if it was from the fall or something entirely different.

"I- You're going to have to be a little more specific than that, what core? Where do I look? What's going on?!" Ren got out, though these were only the top three of the millions of other questions running through his mind.

"It… It should have been at my base, but I've been looking everywhere, it's not there, it's not…" Doc kept backing away and tripped over Ren's meticulously terraformed basalt, landing roughly on his tail. He pressed a palm to the bionic side of his face, looking like he was about to crumple in on himself. He looked so… small and vulnerable.

Ren didn't really understand what was going on. What he did know was that Doc seemed really stressed. He looked like he could use a big, warm hug from his good ol' friend Ren-diggity-dog.

As he stepped closer, he even considered that this could all be a really crazy prank that Doc was pulling – Well, he'd gotten him! It'd be nice if he could hit him with the punchline soon, though…

Docm77 blew up
Rendog was blown up by Docm77



It was deep into the night when Cleo's communicator pinged. Not many Hermits were up to much this time of night, but for Cleo it was when she thrived, when they could get the most done without fear of a scalding sunburn.

She glanced at the screen with an amused smile.

<ZombieCleo> I thought demise was over, guys
Docm77 blew up
Rendog was blown up by Docm77

Well, that was… a bit odd. Embarrassing for Doc to get caught in his own trap twice.

Docm77 blew up
Rendog was blown up by Docm77
Grian fell out of the world
GoodTimeWithScar fell out of the world
<ZombieCleo> OH NO
<ZombieCleo> do you need help?
<GoodTimeWithScar> only emotioanl, Cleo
<ZombieCleo> oh, you poor man, Scar
<Grian> SCAR
Docm77 blew up
Rendog was blown up by Docm77

Notes:

This is the only chapter that is this short, don't worry! It was technically written as a Chapter 0 of sorts.