Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was a gruelling battle. It took almost everyone in the League to stop the monsters and random spells escaping from some weird magic book - or whatever the hell it was, - Hal wasn't actually paying that much attention, too busy kicking ass. But by the end, they did it, practically without casualties. The book was closed, the annoying magical cult subdued, and all it took was some scrapes, quite a few ruined buildings, Superman nearly going down for one scary moment, and quite a few of the leaguers suffering some weird magical consequences like one claw arm or pink hair. Hey, both actually suited Green Arrow, in his opinion. Were he a little less drained, he probably would have snorted as the man stood there, but neither him nor his ring had much fight in them left and that one confusion spell took too much out of him, he still felt like spewing his guts a little.

All in all, they still achieved victory.

Would have been even better if mom and dad didn't decide to fight right in the middle of the roof where the Justice League members were slowly gathering.

“It wasn't an unnecessary risk!” Superman threw his hands in the air, exasperated and a little red in the face from anger. Hal felt a twinge of sympathy. Batman's usual tongue lashing was particularly vicious this time, the two of them having started this argument over comms as soon as the fighting stopped, Spooky's lips clearly loose ever since he was hit with that one truth spell. Sheesh, Hal was lucky he wasn't the Bat’s target this time. The guy was always such an ass.

“Yes it was and you know it.” The gauntleted hand actually poked at Superman's chest as he snarled that. “You're not immune to magic, Superman. That was irresponsible, reckless, rash, stupid and -”

Wonder Woman chose this exact moment to also land on the roof alongside J'onn, everyone in their rag-tag group finally having gathered in one place. But as soon as she saw that the screaming match between her fellow leaders still hadn't stopped, she huffed in exasperation. By now everyone knew it was best to just let them dish it out, and even Diana seemed too done with the day's bullshit to intervene, this time.

Hal stretched his shoulders with a wince before heading to Barry, trying and failing to tune out all the screaming and measuring his steps a little more cautiously. Magic fucking sucked.

“I knew I could take it! And I did !” Superman sputtered, defensively. He was actually losing his cool, now. No one really got to him quite like Bats, after all. “It's not like I put anyone else in danger! Why do you even care about this so much?!”

“Because you went down , Kal! Of course I care, why wouldn't I care- I'm in love with you, you stupid idiot!” 

Hal Jordan nearly fell on his ass, stumbling over some rubble.

Say what now.

He turned around, still having half a mind to go somewhat slowly, any and all other movements paused, the air around them shifting, leaguers frozen in shock and looking at the two figures in the center. Superman's face was looking almost comically dumbfounded, eyes wide and mouth half falling on the floor.

“Fuck.” 

Did- Did Batman just swear?!... Oh. Oh fuck, Hal thought, a little hysterically. Oh that wasn't a joke. He could see it as the man quickly lowered his arms, cape falling to cover him fully, too little too late. Batman's hands were shaking .

The man stepped back, and Hal could actually, almost physically see the edges of that steel composure fraying.

“You- weren't supposed to-” Batman seemed to physically clamp down on his next words, now, teeth baring in a snarl. “Forget I said that.”

“Oh… Oh my god, B-”

Batman wasn't fast enough with his retreat as Superman caught his wrist, eyes searching. His expression was still that of shock, even as Batman tried to tug away, insistently. Superman didn't budge, but he's never looked so uncomfortable before.

“Let me go.” Batman growled, trying to shake the hand off his wrist, the sheer anger and bitterness in his voice startling if it weren't for his increasingly ragged, shaky breathing. Hal only just noticed that his voice modulator must have broken at some point in the fight, Batman's voice so raw now that he wasn't screaming. It sounded almost as gravelly as the enhanced version.

“No! No- please, wait, B, I, uh-” 

Superman's expression crumbled as he looked at the man, and, in a near whisper, almost as if he hadn't meant to ask it, he added: “For how long…?”

In his iron grip, Batman's hand twitched, the man stilling almost as if he was actually fighting the spell now. No one dared to speak, silence nearly defending for a long moment at the uncomfortable and way too personal scene unfolding before them. Hal wasn't sure how everyone looked, too baffled to look away, but he was sure he'd find much the same on the faces of the other Leaguers. 

“Years, now.” The grind of Batman's teeth as he said it was almost audible. To the man next to him, it probably was. Superman looked like he had his breath punched out of his lungs, even though Hal knew for a fact he didn't actually need to breathe.

The Green Lantern was still processing all this, pretty sure he looked like a dumb fish or something, but he could see Diana finally stepping forward as if to finally intervene in whatever the hell was happening. Her hands were raised, placating.

“Superman.” She said at the same time as the dark knight cursed again, struggle renewed with an almost frantic vigor.

Superman looked towards her, momentarily, looking lost, but Batman's growl made him snap his attention back where he was still holding the man's wrist in an iron grip. Hal found something morbidly amusing in how it was actually probably very light, for him.

“I said let go of me or I'll fucking break my fist over your fucking face, Kal, I swear -” 

Superman flinched, recoiling as he finally let go of Batman, the man scrambling away in a barely dignified manner, not looking at anyone, and Hal distantly realizing that he had never seen him so thrown off his game before, over the years of knowing the man.

The dark figure jumped off the roof, quickly disappearing in a swish of cape and grappling hook, probably towards the place where he left the batwing, and Superman visibly flinched again, looking as if he swallowed a chunk of kryptonite, unnervingly dull eyes staring into nothingness. It seemed as if no one could speak, even as Diana made her way towards him, worried little glances exchanged all around.

Hal met Barry's anxious and jittery gaze over the rubble.

Shit, he kind of felt bad about all the mom and dad jokes now.

____─ ·𖤓☾· ─____

Superman has never felt so lost in his life.

Batman, his best friend of almost fifteen years was- is-

He still couldn't believe it. Distantly, he felt Diana's hand land on his shoulder and squeeze, he has seen J'onn giving her a nod before walking over to the others, probably to discuss checking the area again for any civilians and helping with the cleanup, people awkwardly shuffling off the roof one by one. There was a rush in his ears, a kind of thrumming. Diana was saying something. Her lips were moving but for once, he just couldn't hear it. Her lips pursed, the amazonian shaking her head, probably noticing that he wasn't really listening. Something inside him felt bad about that. He thinks he might have stammered out an apology before stepping back and saying he'll survey the area again with his x-ray vision.

She let him.

Then, he was up in the sky, looking at the damaged part of the city. The sounds still felt distant but he saw a scared cat hiding under the rubble, something like a collar glinting on its neck.

He swooped in for it, focusing on absentmindedly helping the others with cleanup.

Things went by in a bit of a blur after that. 

The Fortress was always a place where he wanted to go to be alone. But he didn't think he could make it there this time. Not with- Not with so many memories attached to it, the black figure tinkering with nearly everything inside, speaking with the holograms, using the supercomputer or walking down the halls. He couldn't go to Ma and Pa's house either, not when they'll know something's wrong immediately, not when Kon is there, not when he could so clearly picture an expensive car pulling up near the farm to drop Damian off, Bruce himself stepping out of it in his more casual but still ludicrously expensive clothing. And he couldn't go to Lois for much the same reason, especially not when it was her time to take care of Jon. Not his own apartment or the Watchtower. Not the- the manor.

Never before has he noticed just how much of a permanent fixture in his life Bruce has become.

So, he shot off into the sky.

The moon was quiet.

It was a nice change of pace, the freezing cold darker side of it. He didn't particularly want to look or hear what was happening on Earth right now.

Rao, he needed to sort himself out. This- This whole thing didn't have to change anything. Did it?..

But it did.

Was it… Was it Clark's fault? How has he never noticed?.. Bruce was his best friend, he should have- Should have sensed it, when it started maybe, maybe done something like- Like talk to Bruce, clear some things so they could just keep being friends and everything would have been fine, right?..

Even in his own mind it felt like a lie.

He couldn't help but think about everything they've shared, all the little moments during the past few years, anything- Anything that could have told him when it happened and why, and- oh god, did… Did Bruce really think of him in that way?..

Honestly, Clark was feeling a little hysterical, sitting here, on the moon, looking at but not seeing the stars.

Clark couldn't help feeling a little… bitter, actually.

Angry.

This.

It felt like betrayal .

Bruce always dealt with stuff on his own. Superman needed Batman. Clark needed him, but Bruce didn't need him in turn . Not really, apparently. The Big Bad Bat could handle everything- Would handle everything, always prepared, contingencies upon contingencies and not care at all about the emotional fallout it brings to everyone else.

It was so much like Bruce to withhold critical information until the end, he thought, hands balling into fists. Clark just thought, stupidly thought, that they've been past this, that they could share everything, that Bruce trusted him. Then, it struck him.

The end, huh?..

Was it? Was it the end of- Of this. Of their friendship?.. Clark felt the tears prickle at his eyes. He just - He couldn't look at Bruce, at Batman the same way now. If only - If only he had just known sooner, then-

He-

Rao, why was he so shaken by this.

Of course B never said anything.

Clark could taste the acid and despair on his tongue.

The man never dealt with emotions well. He knew this. Everyone knew this. It's not like…

He wanted to laugh. Or cry.

Or both.

It was clear why Bruce acted the way he did. Clark isn't into men. Plain and simple. Rao, he just told B about wanting to try to date again, about wanting to ask out Sally from marketing on a casual date or something. He- he never thought of his friend like that. He didn't even know Bruce liked men until Ollie just casually mentioned him and Bruce hooking up during their college years when they had that party at the Watchtower, a few years ago. It was- It was so startling, back then. For some reason Clark never could picture his friend with other men, well- Like that. And he didn't- didn't want to, something ugly and bitter rising in him when Ollie joked about that. He never even thought about Bruce's love life, not when it was all practically a farse for the camera when he was playing ‘Bruce Wayne’ or, worse, whatever the hell was going on between the real him and all the villains and almost villains he dated. Bruce already knew Clark disapproved of that, was worried about his friend and his weird self-destructive tendencies. Besides, B always told him he didn't have time for relationships, that they always ended in disaster, or that he wasn't made for them. Clark didn't think so, not really, but also didn't try to argue much on this. Just a month ago B had said to Diana that he has too many kids to think of even starting a relationship now.

Clark buried his face in his hands. In an afternoon his world has irrevocably shattered by eight words. Sometimes, he really hated his eidetic memory, the words replaying like a curse in his mind.

‘ I'm in love with you, you stupid idiot!’

‘In love’

‘With you’

He didn't return to Earth for a while.

He wasn't entirely sure how much time had passed, but by the time he returned it was already nightfall, a familiar, slightly dulled over the years guilty prickle at the back of his mind for not being there, not helping when someone was in possible need of Superman returning. But his communicator stayed quiet throughout. He turned it off before, even if reluctantly, but if something really happened, if the League needed him, they'd still be able to contact him. His personal phone held a few worried messages from Diana, two casual ones from Lois, but other than that, nothing. He just typed out a quick reply to both before placing the phone back on the small table, where he had previously left it.

Slowly, as he lowered himself on the small couch in his apartment, he finally let his hearing expand, more and more sounds reaching his ears. The cries of his neighbors’ baby, the police siren a few blocks over, Lois talking to Jon about homework, Ma and Pa's snoring and Kon playing a game on his phone. Their heartbeats.

He didn't listen to them all the time, but he still tried to keep an ear on them in case anything happened. They were familiar, comforting, he could track them almost anywhere in the world if need be, be there in seconds if there was any danger.

He sighed, relief flooding his veins as soon as he could hear them again, but as soon as he let them wash over him, he could feel his heart sink.

It wasn't there.

A singular, steady heartbeat. One that always stood out to him among the rest, calm, measured and as precisely controlled as the man himself.

Before he even knew it, he was already on his way to Gotham.

Mid-flight he felt himself stuttering, though, memories of what happened just a few hours prior, ones that he's tried so desperately to suppress returning with vengeance.

Would Bruce even want to see him now? It- This must have been on purpose, right?..

Honestly, Clark wasn't even sure he himself wanted to see Bruce right now, an uncomfortable, complicated mess of feelings weighing him down.

He would just… Check. Ask someone where Bruce is and- And go home. Make sure his friend is okay.

Clark's feet soundlessly touched down near the front door of the Manor. Usually, he just went straight for the cave, but now it felt wrong, somehow. He would just ask Alfred, or maybe one of the kids, and…

Almost as if he knew he was there, before he could even knock, Alfred opened the giant door, a bit of irrational weight lifting off Clark's shoulders at not seeing Bruce looming behind him.

“Uh, hi Alfred.”

“Master Kent.” The butler’s greeting seemed as impassive as always, but Clark felt himself zero in on the angle of his brow. It felt… Wrong, somehow. There was a hidden tension behind his features, one he's seen occasionally during the times when-

“Is, uh- Is Bruce in right now?..” Clark asked, despite already knowing the answer.

The butler let out a sigh, before stepping aside.

“I'm afraid not, sir.” His eyes raked over his Superman suit, lips pursing in silent displeasure at him showing up to the front door of the manor in costume. Clark winced. Everyone knew Alfred's policy of not being upstairs in costume, but…

Alfred was already gesturing for him to follow, and Clark couldn't do much but obey, closing the door after himself.

“I was actually hoping you would clear up the air on that, Master Kent. But, seeing how you've also come here, looking for him, I think it'd be best if you joined the kids downstairs.”

So it seemed Bruce didn't return to the Manor yet. Nor had he notified Alfred or his kids of his whereabouts. Clark couldn't help but feel another pang of worry, at that, even knowing the exact reason.

The familiar way to the grandfather clock was silent and uneasy.

Alfred always felt like he knew something, even though Clark is almost ninety percent sure that this time, he didn’t. Almost. It was Alfred, after all.

The butler stepped to the side as the hidden door opened, Clark's own DNA and data long inputted in the systems in case he needed to walk in through the Manor.

“I will be waiting up here, in case Master Wayne decides to use the front door, sir. Please, do notify me if you find him.”

Trying to avoid Alfred's stoic gaze and giving him a shaky nod, Clark slipped through the door, the quiet clicks of mechanism locking behind him as the passage dimmed.

____─ ·𖤓☾· ─____

“He disabled all the trackers. Even ones he wasn't supposed to know about.” Tim, sat behind the main computer, said.

“Even the ones we placed on him?” Jason asked, incredulous, clearly starting to get pissed off and gesturing in a way that was probably supposed to mean something specific. Tim just nodded.

They were already in the middle of arguing when Clark walked in, all pairs of eyes immediately snapping to him and greetings sounding throughout the cave. No one was surprised he was here, as usual. Although Clark himself was, seeing all the batkids having finally gathered in one place with the notable exception of Barbara, who was technically still here in spirit. Something in him warmed at the sight. Bruce would have loved it, even if the occasion was… well.

“B clearly doesn't want to be found.” Oracle replied through the computer, voice just a bit distorted. It seemed they weren't at this for very long, Batman was notorious for just disappearing on people, after all, but the frustration in the air was still clear.

“That asshole.” Jason growled, before finally turning to him. “He was with you and the JL fighting that magic stuff earlier, right? We saw you guys win, but after that there’s no footage.”

Clark felt himself cringe at that. 

“Uh, yeah.” He confirmed, hating himself for how uncertain he sounded.

The silence in the room grew tense, Clark's gaze drifting unconsciously to his feet, an anxious lump stuck in his throat. Everyone was staring expectantly at him now, his skin prickling with their combined gazes.

“What happened?” Duke asked softly, unable to keep a worried note from slipping into his tone. 

Clark stepped from foot to foot anxiously, not feeling very Superman right now despite still wearing the outfit.

How was- How was he supposed to explain this to Bruce's children? Oh, yeah, your father- my best friend - has just confessed that he's had feelings for me, and, apparently, has had for years.

Oh. Oh god- did they- did the kids know?

“We, uh- Bruce was hit with a truth spell and…” Clark swallowed, trying and failing to will himself to go on. He could… Tell them though, right?.. After all, these are Bruce's kids, the kids of the world's greatest detective , of course they must have known about- That. They knew him like no one else did. Not even Clark, apparently.

Something terrible churned in his gut at that. He just thought- He thought he knew Bruce. 

Clark shook his head.

It felt wrong to think this. He pushed himself to speak again, rambling a little. “There were so many enemies, we were swamped; evacuating civilians and all, holding off the demons. Bruce told us he resisted much stronger spells and truth serums before and well- You know how he is, and we weren’t really able to even slow down, so he told us not to worry and keep-”

“Kent.” Damian snapped, his patience clearly running thin. “Get to the point.”

Clark suppressed another wince. God, he had to get a grip.

“Sorry.” He mumbled. “I was, uh- A little reckless, and got knocked surprisingly hard during that, but I was fine, and well, after it was done we argued, I forgot about the… He…”

Clark steeled himself for a briefest moment.

“He said he was in love with me.” he finished in a single breath, eyes lifting to meet the kids' gazes.

Clark blinked. Oh. Oh no. Maybe they actually didn't know, judging by their entirely too confused faces.

“What. What the fuck?”

Jason was the first to speak, breaking the silence and lifting his hand in an aborted gesture.

“Language.” Clark admonished, lamely, almost habitually, having heard Bruce doing much the same to his kids prior.

After that,the cave immediately erupted in chaos, voices interrupting each other.

Damian was scowling profusely, regarding Clark with an amount of disdain he hadn't seen on his face in a long while. “Father doesn't feel- He wouldn't have said that!” He sputtered, rather childishly. “It must have been some other spell or something!”

Oracle's quiet typing paused, her soft little “Huh.” Coming from the speakers. “I never… noticed.” She sounded a little disappointed in herself there, actually.

“Oh. Ohhh.” Tim’s face looked a little pale, eyes distant, almost as if he was finally piecing something in his mind. “Yeah, uh- Well that explains a lot, and uh, nothing too, actually.” Absently, he tried to sip from a decidedly empty coffee mug.

“Bruce never said… Well, I honestly didn't think he was the type to uh harbor… “ Duke sounded a little anxious, before seemingly giving up. “I don't even know…”

Steph let out an astonished “No way.” Initially, from where she was sitting with Cass on the table, blinking at Clark as if she saw him for the first time, before opening and closing her mouth, uncertainly. “Did he really say it like that?.. Uh, not that I mean anything by that- uh, sorry, Supes.”

Cass initially just let out a little subvocal noise, then frowned, also looking as if she's just realized something. Her eyes were piercing and trained on him. She was always the type to read people's emotions easily, Bruce's especially, somehow, so Clark guessed that on some level she must have known, but probably hadn't entirely grasped the concept of… Well. Clark couldn't look her in the eyes at the moment, some weird guilty feeling crawling up his spine, so he avoided it.

There were still some exclamations sounding around the room, more protests from Damian, as Clark scanned the kids worriedly, until his eyes landed on Dick.

Dick was the only one who didn't utter a single sound.

His mouth was pursed in a single line, but otherwise, he remained unreadable. Clark's eyes widened.

“You knew.” He breathed, faintly, some weird mix of disbelief and betrayal leaching into his words. 

It wasn't a question.

He tried not to dwell on the fact that Dick and him were close, that he has never even hinted at-

All the eyes immediately flew to him, Dick's lips pursing all the more.

“Grayson, you- You knew about this?!” Damien demanded, sounding outraged. As if he was supposed to tell him. Clark immediately felt guilty at his own previous train of thought. Of… Of course Dick hadn't told anyone. It wasn't his secret to tell.

But he just… Just couldn't stop himself now.

In a haunting echo of a question he had already asked today, and immediately deeply regretted, Clark heard himself asking:

“How long?..”

Dick shifted on his feet, taking a slow, measured breath in and out, before putting a hand in his own hair, slightly ruffling it. He looked straight at Clark when he said this.

“Since I was a child.” He shrugged.

Clark felt as if a sinkhole opened under his feet.

‘Years, now.’ Bruce had gritted out.

Years.

Oh. Oh god. It was- That was more than a decade ago.

“How have none of us ever figured this out?” Tim was frowning, contemplatively, fidgeting a little in the chair. “I mean, we all knew you two were pretty close, but…”

“How have you known?” Jason asked, incredulous, and definitely aimed at Dick. Then, his eyes widened a fraction, a small realization. “Does Alfy know?”

Dick just sighed again, looking entirely too exhausted. He always looked youthful, with his easy smiles and cheery attitude. But this, the exhaustion made him look older, more worn out, expression drained of all emotion. “Alfred definitely knows.” He relayed, simply, before clarifying. “Has known. And none of you do because Bruce didn't want you to know. We all know he keeps a lot of secrets. I only knew because I was there when it started, and I honestly wasn't even entirely sure if he still felt that way… But yeah, I know because Bruce definitely wasn't as good at hiding it, back then.”

No one really spoke after that. But Clark felt Damien's eyes suddenly snap back to him, narrowing. Accusing.

They all knew what that meant, now.

____─ ·𖤓☾· ─____

Clark had to physically restrain himself from flying straight to Gotham as soon as he heard that familiar heartbeat again. It sounded so measured. Calm. So unlike the incredibly fast and panicked beat of it that he heard last time, the one that he only just now realized was making his ears thud, his senses apparently zeroing in on it. He distantly thought that he'd never heard Bruce's heart beat that fast before.

It had been two and a half days.

Two and a half days, but Bruce was fine. He was fine and he had returned to his family, as much as he could hear from Alfred's exasperated ‘My god, sir! You smell like the sewers -”

He made himself not listen after that, focusing on not shutting down again. He was with Lois. He wasn't- Couldn't afford to look even more rumpled than he had been these past few days. She already suspected something.

Lois really was too perceptive for her own good.

He used to love that so much about her. He still did. In a way. But at times things felt awkward between them, now.

“Oh, come on, Smallville, spill.” She said, knocking her shoulder into his while trying not to spill her own coffee. Clark would have found that funny, but he was a little busy trying not to start hyperventilating. “You can't expect to look like Luthor has personally kicked your dog for two days and not be asked about it. Especially not after you almost had a mental breakdown in front of me just now. So, start tattling. Did Sally insult you or what? Do I need to beat someone up?”

Clark cringed at the Sally part, putting down his own half made cup of coffee. He had completely forgotten about that. But this… He- he couldn't tell Lois, surely. She'd know. She'd know immediately and then- And then what?..

She already knew most of his colleagues. In and out of costume. And he really needed advice right now, he needed to tell someone, for someone to tell him that it will be okay, for Bruce to tell him that he hasn't lost his best friend . He can't-

Clark rubbed at his eyes furiously, displacing his glasses, Lois getting comfortable by his side by leaning on the table next to the coffee machine.

“Or is it something from your ‘side gig’?” Lois asked, narrowing her eyes.

Far too perceptive.

Righting his glasses and slouching all the more, Clark let out a breath before letting out a quiet “Yeah..”

Lois just raised a brow before her gaze pointedly swept to the door leading to the roof.

Clark hesitated.

He… He needed this.

Lois was always good at being his anchor, friend or otherwise, even if he had stopped relying on her mostly, because he always had- because he could always talk to- 

Well.

The two of them soon ended up on the roof, Clark trying to gather his words while she patiently waited for him to say something. Sometimes he thought he really didn't deserve Lois.

“A friend…” Clark swallowed. “There was… Magic, involved. A truth spell, and… I recently found out that my close friend is… Likes me. In that way. Has liked. For… A long time.”

That was putting it mildly.

His whole world basically turned upside down.

Bruce was…

He still felt so raw just thinking about it.

Lois raised a sceptical eyebrow, making a pointed, audible sip, but seemingly letting him get away with the lack of details. For now. Probably.

He was not looking forward to telling her more.

“So… The exact problem being?” She asked, Clark's lips thinning.

“It's not… I don't-” He sighed, rubbing at his eyes again.

He heard Lois place her cup beside her.

“Didn't you want to start dating again, anyway? Or do you not like her back?” She asked, before quickly adding, with a growing smile, “Is it Diana?”

“What?! N-no, no, it's not, it's a-” Clark bit his tongue, pretty sure he would give it away if he said more.

He knew Lois wouldn't tell anyone. But.

Too many people knew already.

“I don't, uh-” Clark wanted to finish, say that he didn't like Bruce that way. Instead, he just repeated, weakly, “I don't.”

Lois tapped her cup thoughtfully, for a long time, her face not giving anything in particular away and Clark stewing in his own emotions. Then, she sighed.

“Smallville.” She said, bringing his attention back to her, fully. “Do you remember how I wasn't interested in you for a very long time? Before we started dating?”

“Um.” That stung, a little. Actually. “Yeah.”

He had been trying to woo Lois for a long time, but all his attempts were either politely dismissed or snorted at. She always liked Superman, but she didn't come to like him for, well… Him, or this other side of him, for a very long time. Oh, she liked him platonically; they were friends, of course, but not what Clark had wanted at the time. In the end, he managed to win her heart. It was just sad that, well… It didn't last. But they were still amicable, back to being good friends, even.

“Well, let me put it this way: I don't regret agreeing to date you. Actually, I'd say I already had some feelings for you, even before we started, before I even realized. There were doubts, we were colleagues, I was mostly thinking about my career and so on. Sometimes, you just gotta take that leap. And, well, if you're sure you're not into them,” Lois put a big emphasis on sure there, “ then I will be blunt. You have to let go. Your friendship won't survive this. I know you, Clark, you wouldn't want to hurt anyone in that way. Especially not if it was already happening for a long time, knowingly or not.”

Lois' eyes sparkled, deadly serious, and Clark felt himself deflate at the words, mind entirely skipping over the subtle shift to ‘they’ she had made.

He… He didn't want this.

He didn't want to lose Bruce, but deep down he knew things had already changed. There was no going back from this. Even Lois was now telling him it was inevitable.

Clark swallowed, taking off his glasses and wiping at his eyes for a very different reason.

“Thanks, Lo.”

A hand patted his back, the comfort only making him want to cry more.

He needed to speak to him.

He needed to see Bruce.

____─ ·𖤓☾· ─____

It wasn't a few more days until he had managed to wrangle his emotions under enough control to come and seek Bruce out.

Still, like a coward, Clark chose to seek him out in costume.

He knew both of them felt more at ease this way, himself gaining the confidence he usually lacked thanks to not having to hide his powers and Bruce being his truest self with the added bonus of the mask he could use to shut people out if he so wanted and the security of all the gadgets he carried. This quiet, more real side… It wasn't a thing many people were privy to, with him. With or without the mask.

Clark used to be one of those people.

Used to. Or at least thought he was. He had to force down the choking sensation at that.

As he hovered lower, a dark figure crouched on the gargoyle came into view, dark fabric blending in with the night, as if made from shadow itself. It always impressed him just how easily Batman could blend in with the dark, disappearing like he wasn't even there.

Superman made sure the other man knew of his approach, even though it felt like B always did, no matter the circumstance. Still, as soon as Batman spotted him, the man's shoulders grew tense, heartbeat picking up substantially. Slowly, with that inane grace he possessed, he rose from his perch, cape covering more of his dark grey undersuit.

Clark tried to keep his own thoughts under control, not wanting to overanalyze all the previous times he had heard that familiar sound slightly elevated in his own presence. He swallowed.

“Superman.”

Came a measured, toneless reply.

Acknowledgement from the Bat. Nothing more.

Oh how Clark wished that he still thought that last part was true.

“Batman.” He said, carefully, hovering a respectful distance away from the man, but not being entirely able to meet the gaze of those white lenses. “We need to-”

“No.”

Clark felt his brows furrow, mouth closing shut.

“There's nothing to talk about.” Batman said, matter of fact, in that same, annoying, expressionless voice, before adding. “Go home, Clark.”

He already felt the familiar irritation crawl under his skin from whenever his friend was being too difficult. “That's not true.” He rebuffed, annoyance making him more forward. “It isn't true, B, and you know it.”

Batman gritted his teeth.

“There's nothing to talk about.” He repeated, clearly annoyed, that stone cold facade fraying. Before Clark could even react, though, the Bat was already throwing himself off his perch, grappling gun shooting out to catch on the new building.

Superman caught it mid air, throwing off his trajectory and lifting the stubborn man with it, dropping him off on the tallest roof.

The hook, dent by his fingers, clattered to the ground, Batman visibly on edge now, teeth grinding and back hunched slightly, a defensive stance. As if Clark would actually want to fight him. Superman dropped on the roof a few ways away from him, not caring to do it lightly, this time, steps audible as he made his way towards him.

“You can't just run away from this.” He swung his arm out, disbelief and anger and hurt mixing together and seeping into his tone. “From me.” He added, the pain in his voice winning over everything else. He needed this. God, he- He couldn't, he wasn't ready for any of this, for- For-

Bruce swallowed. He straightened, again, dark cape falling over him like a shroud. It was clear he wasn't going to talk, silence stretching. But Clark could hear his heart, the slight unrestful elevation to the way it was beating, the slow, deliberate and calming breaths Batman was trying to take as discreetly as he could feeling like a slap in the face.

“Bruce, please.” Clark begged, an edge of desperation creeping into his tone now. “I need- I just need to talk to you.”

The next breath Batman took was just a little larger, before letting out a curt “Fine” with an exhale.

This. This was good. Clark could feel a slight wave of relief pass over him. This wasn't lost, B would talk to him again, they could still repair this-

”What do you want?”

The gruff question made him come back to reality. Clark awkwardly stepped from foot to foot, stalling just a little. B wasn't going to make it easy for him, obviously. That was fine. This was fine. They were fine.

“I- I just wanted to say that… I'm sorry. I- I didn't know, and- You never said anything, never even- I don't know how I never managed to figure it out.” He ended on, sounding a little defeated even to his own ears.

Now that he thought about it again, it always felt like B was so honest and open with him. He was- He felt like he was at ease, next to Clark. How could he- Was that because..?

“You weren't supposed to.” Was the simple reply. 

Clark had to clench and unclench his fists. This man was impossible. But he wasn't- he wasn't going to give back into irritation now.

“Look, I- It's clear now you didn't want me or- or anyone to know.” The memory of how everyone suddenly found out made him wince in sympathy. Batman was a private person, he knew. Having something so personal suddenly revealed without his consent…

Clark sighed. Then, shaked his head, clearing it. “Bruce, I- I thought we were friends.”

He didn't know why this felt like an admission. He cared about Bruce. Cares.

“You were my best friend, and-”

A bitter laugh made Clark's head snap up to meet the cowl's lenses, pausing in his speech. He felt confused, unsure, but the grin he saw on his friend’s face was crooked.

“‘Were’ is the key word here, isn't it?”

Clark froze. Batman's tone was harsh. Downright cruel. There was an almost imperceptible edge to it, one he couldn't parse, but it made his own heart speed up, panic, grief, denial overtaking his mind in a repeated chant of ‘no, no, it can't end like this.’

“Bruce…” He tried, weakly.

“No.” Batman's snarl, angry and raw, sent a chill through his bones. “It's over, Clark. There's nothing more. Nothing to talk about. You got what you wanted. I talked to you. Heard you out. We were friends. And it doesn't matter anymore. Now leave .”

By the end of that sentence, Batman was nearly shouting. A rage Clark couldn't contain anymore, one born from pain, from exasperation, from loss made him scream back.

“We didn't talk about anything!” He shouted, angry and stepping further and threatening to enclose on his friend's personal space. “Stop trying to-”

“Trying to what ?” Came an accusing shout, Batman meeting him further with his own angry step forward. ”You're the one drawing it out, you're the one pestering me and insisting on something as if I owe you anything . I don't want you here. I never wanted you here, get the hell out of my City!”

It hurt. It fucking hurt, and Clark was already in the air, the resulting gust of wind making Batman stumble back and snarl.

“Fine!” He shouted, looming over the Bat, because that's what Bruce was, wasn't he? An unfeeling, ruthless, paranoid, stuck up know-it-all that never needed anyone. Never wanted anyone. Not like Clark did, anyway. He wanted to either laugh or cry, because this was it. This was fucking it, wasn't it?.. 

“You know what, I don't even know why I try to talk to you. Why I ever tried with you. Your kids are right! You're an asshole, Bruce. I used treasure our friendship,” treasure you, is what he doesn't say, “I thought you trusted me, I thought- but no! You're just a stuck up-”

“Get. The fuck. Out. Of Gotham.” Batman roars and Clark shuts up, eyes flicking red. Because that's what Bruce wants, doesn't he?

He's out of there in seconds.

There's still anger thrumming in his veins, the need to crush something between his fingers, smash it- And it's the only thing he can do to not completely break down himself.

____─ ·𖤓☾· ─____

A month.

It's been a month of complete torture, of stewing in his own anger and hurt and trying to shut out any news of The Bat.

It didn't matter that Batman's nightly activities had increased substantially, to an almost unhealthy degree, it didn't matter that Bruce Wayne suddenly decided to revisit his youth by seemingly sleeping with anything that moved or causing more scandals than he's had in a year.

Clark wasn't even worried . It was all Bruce's own fault, it was always Bruce's fault, so he let himself stay angry, and bitter, even to the point where he started snapping at people until most friends decided it's best to leave him alone, a few harsh words from Diana and a disappointed aura from Lois and Jimmy's wounded looks making him feel slightly guilty. Kon and Jon just kind of… Avoided him now. He tried not to feel hurt about that, too.

Ma and Pa were worried.

Even Perry looked a little concerned for him.

But it didn't matter.

He just… Went on.

Trying not to notice a giant, gaping hole that has opened up in the middle of his own chest.

____─ ·𖤓☾· ─____

Hal was chatting with Green Arrow and Dinah when the Bat finally walked in.

No one really expected to see Batman that day, especially after all the JL meetings he's missed already. It wasn't really that out of the ordinary, for the Bat to go completely MIA for a few weeks, only leaving a vague missive on his absence, busy with a case or another. But him showing up after what happened still felt… Too soon, somehow, the atmosphere tense and uncertain.

Unlike his usual punctual self, he entered last, when everyone was already seated, so silently it actually startled most people. Even Superman seemed to be thrown, eyes wide and hands tense where they were clenched into fists on the table. Hal couldn't help but wonder if Batman managed to make something to hide from his super senses somehow. He wouldn't put it past the man.

Absolutely everything in Hal was screaming that this meeting will go to shit quickly.

Batman didn't take his usual seat. In fact, he just stopped near the empty spot at the table, closest to the door, pose seemingly relaxed and entirely emotionless, before reaching out and placing a small, square lead box on the table.

There were a few audible gasps.

The gloved hand stayed hovering over the box, right over the clasp.

A warning.

Fuck. Hal looked at him, disbelieving, various shades of the same emotion echoing throughout the room of the other leaguers mirroring his own, appealed and disappointed glances all around. Hal always knew the man was an asshole, and, okay, Superman was kind of annoying and snappy lately, but this?

The hurt, betrayed disbelieving expression that flashed on Superman's face quickly turned livid .

Batman didn't seem to care. He took all their stares in stride, letting the room process his gesture in an impassive manner, before calmly stating.

“I would like to announce my resignation from the League.”

Somehow, it felt as if the room had gotten even more silent. Hal noticed Barry shooting him a ‘he can't be serious, right?’ look over the table. He couldn't even react to it properly, trying and failing to process what Spooky has just dumped on all of them.

Christ , this guy-

“Due to circumstances,” Batman continued, entirely uncaring of Hal needing more time to process, “I haven't submitted any prior notice. But, in my stead, I suggest you consider a list of possible members I will be submitting for your consideration, Nightwing being the best candidate to fill my place, seeing as he possesses much the same skill set and many of you have already had prior working relations with him.”

“How many times have you practiced that speech?” Superman suddenly asked, quiet, and petty, and entirely un-superman like. Hal suppressed a wince. He didn't actually want to be here right now.

Batman's eyes narrowed. He didn't take the bait, however. He turned back to the table at large.

“If the matter is settled, then-”

Superman jumped up, almost knocking over his chair.

“Of course it isn't!- Bruce, you can't just spring this on us, you always do this- Stop making decisions for everyone else!”

Somehow, Hal had a feeling this conversation wasn't entirely about the resignation anymore.

“ Someone has to.” Batman cut off, emotion finally seeping into his previously level voice. His hand tightened on the lead box, Superman's eyes flickering with red as he looked at it before staring back into the empty white lenses.

J'onn rose as well, looking a little pained. Shit, Hal really didn't envy the telepath right now. “Please, let's settle this in a dignified-”

“No!” Superman shouted, cutting him off. He looked at J'onn as he spoke, a little more level, now. “He is being unreasonable. He went off grid for a month , and now he comes back and just springs this on us.”

An accusing hand gestured in Batman's direction.

“That is enough.” Wonder Woman said, rising. Her tone demanded respect, and she levelled both disappointed and stern looks at Batman and Superman. 

“We should talk about this properly.” Diana added, a little more sympathy in her tone. “I know it has been tough for both of you, for this past month, especially since this personal matter was unfortunately revealed in front of the whole League. However, let's not come to such rash decisions so quickly, or point fingers.”

Superman looked properly chastised, but Batman didn't so much as even flinch.

“Wonder Woman.” He said, back to being all business. “This isn't a rash decision. It’s a necessary one I've come to for the proper functionality of the Justice League.”

Diana frowned at him.

“Look, Batman.” She tried, “ As your friend, I know it must be painful having your feelings being aired out under the-.”

“My feelings do not matter.” Batman cut her off, harshly. Hal doesn't think he's ever heard him speak to Diana that way. None of them did. “They never did. I am able to keep them under control.”

Wonder Woman's look of shock flickered with outrage.

“Don't say that.” She protested, at the same time as Hal heard himself breathe out a disbelieving “Jesus, Spooky…”

Superman looked stricken.

Batman didn't let anyone else speak. Of course he didn't.

“The League cannot function properly as a unit if the Interpersonal relationships between leaders are strained. It simply can't afford Superman being a liability in that way.”

Superman's hands landed on the table, no doubt denting it.

“I'm not the liability here !” He protested, actually angry. In a morbid way, Hal finally understood in a weird and twisted way why Batman has brought Kryptonite with him.

It wasn't to threaten or even subdue him. It was to enrage, to make Superman and everyone else hate him. To make this- Whatever the fuck Spooky was trying to do, easier. To put a metaphorical barrier between them.

To-

To really cut himself off.

God damn, Hal knew the man was a mess but fucking seriously..?

“You are.” Batman stated, simply, cold resolve in his tone. Annoying impassivity, clearly crafted to piss people off, now that Jordan knew what to look for. ” The League needs Superman. My role, however, is easily filled. I'm being rational .”

“ No .” Superman snarled, actually snarled. “You're being a coward .”

“If that is all-” Batman’s tone was just a little clipped.

“Please, Batman.” J'onn interjected, looking at the man with quiet understanding. Understanding and pity . 

Hal winced, deciding that he has finally had enough of this too. Spooky wasn't just going to pull this shit on them. Not when they were friends for years, now. Whether the stubborn guy liked it or not, they knew him, they've worked together for years and the rest would surely figure out what he was trying to do soon enough too.

“We know what you're doing.” Hal said, determined, trying to make the others catch on. Judging by Superman's angry look flashing with suspicion, Diana's furrowed brows and Dinah's tilted head some people were starting to catch on, finally. “And it won't work on us. We really should discuss this, I know it must feel like shit and all for you, but-”

“Jordan.” Came Batman's warning growl, fake calm finally breaking. It only spurred Hal on.

“-But we're here for you, okay, man? You don't need to make yourself look like even more of an ass, we already know you too much for that. Yeah, you're an asshole, and you're stupidly stubborn, but don't think we don't see you trying to push away all of us now so it would fuckin’ hurt less.” 

“You…” Superman's face finally flashed with realization, the man physically stepping back, the back of his knees audibly bumping into his chair before he looked at Bruce's tensed form. Eyes were finally on Batman, friends and comrades finally perceiving what Hal himself saw. The Green Lantern met the Martian's eyes over the table, challenging. The man didn't nod, but he closed his eyes, and it was more than enough confirmation.

“B, is that why you were-” Superman's voice was still a little angry, but now it was edging more towards sympathy.

And that finally seemed to be the tipping point.

“I don't need your fucking pity . Any of you .” Batman growled, almost screamed. His gaze flickered sharply around the room. “I- Fuck, I get enough of it already! For Christ’s sake, Kal, you told my kids .”

Oh that was definitely an enraged growl. Batman seemed cornered.

Oh. Wait. His kids. Oh, fuck. Superman… Might have actually fucked up there, Hal had to admit.

All traces of fight seemed to draw out of Superman. 

Batman stepped back.

Then again.

And again.

“I'm leaving.”

The League was heavily implied, before the man was already out the door, disappearing in a swish of black cape, the little lead box gone with him. Hal saw Diana's aborted movement toward him, but in the end the amazonian just sighed, rubbing at her eyes, everyone reeling from what had just happened.

Barry was trying to catch his eyes, but Hal suddenly felt all too tired, even a little guilty, maybe.

He knew he couldn't let Bats leave things like he wanted, not after he caught on, but… Man. This felt so fucking shitty.

During their next meeting, Batman's resignation from the League was finally discussed. Temporary leave, they've decided on. No one was sure they could get him back, in fact, this whole thing seemed rather pointless, but no one really wanted to try to replace him, either, even though it was never voiced out loud.

Superman was the only one not participating in the discussion, not looking at anyone, still looking lost. No one decided to comment on that, either.

Chapter Text

Clark didn't know what to do.

Just like that, over the span of about a month, he has lost his best friend of many years. Lost someone who understood him on a level no one else did, someone he understood in the same way.

It didn't matter how many times he called or left messages anymore. Both B’s personal phone and League communicator remained completely silent.

Bruce refused to talk to him.

That much was clear when during the second time he tried coming to the Manor it wasn't even Alfred who met him at the door. 

It was a gloomy day in Gotham, sky overcast and dark, not even a single ray of sunshine peeking through the clouds. The Manor looked as imposing as ever, big, dark and gothic, spanning far over the already ludicrously large property. Dick leaned on the door frame, crossing his arms over his chest and eyes briefly taking in the civilian clothing Clark had shown up in. He didn't look hostile. Just… drained. It was a little concerning in its own right, the fact that Dick was at the Manor during workweek. Clark rarely ever saw him like this; being a police officer was a busy job, and a part time vigilante even more so. Nightwing had his own city to protect and couldn't exactly stay away from it for long. But something had clearly happened since the last time they spoke. Besides him, there were only two other heartbeats in the Manor, no doubt Damian and Alfred's, a third, almost achingly familiar one closeby as well, one that Clark tried his best to shut out for the previous month and couldn't, an almost physical need to hear its steady rhythm making his own heart clench painfully in his chest.

Bruce was in the cave already, despite it barely being evening.

He must have known Clark would come, a conscious distance put between them.

“I'm sorry, Clark.” Dick had said as soon as he opened the door, not giving him any time to utter an explanation, the smile on the young man's face strained. “But I think it would be best if you leave.”

Clark opened his mouth. Closed it.

“Look, Dick, I- I just want to talk to Bruce. If- If he'd let me.” He tried, but Dick just looked at him with something akin to sympathy in his eyes.

Then, his face sombered. Dick shook his head.

“Sorry.” He said, more firm this time. “I… really don't think I can do anything for you, this time.”

He threw a glance behind himself briefly, brows knitting, a tenseness to his shoulders as he scanned the grand staircase leading up to the second floor. “And I'd really rather not deal with Dami if he learns you've been here.”

Clark winced. The youngest Wayne had the worst reaction out of all of them, when the news broke. He had heard from Lois that Damian even snapped at Jon, the two still remaining a little mad at each other, even if Jon wasn't actually aware of what caused it. Damian was fiercely protective of his father after everything that's happened, and clearly still working through the fact that his parents would never be together again, so Clark really couldn't blame him for lashing out. And now, it seemed that Dick was almost single handedly dealing with the fallout of that.

The absence of other kids in the Manor hung heavily in the air.

A pang of guilt made Clark finally take a small step back.

“It's okay.” He forced out with a bleak smile. “Sorry for the trouble. I'll-”

‘I don't want you here.’

“- see myself out, then.”

Dick didn't say anything else. The young man just nodded and uncrossed his arms before stepping back inside, the door quietly shutting behind him, nearly inaudible steps quickly making their way to and up the big staircase. Clark was left standing there like a fool for a few minutes.

‘I never wanted you here.’

Clark took another small step back, having to physically force himself away.

He wasn't welcome.

Not anymore.

And after last time- He just couldn't. Cornering Bruce really wouldn't do anything.  Wouldn't solve anything.

Clark didn't remember the steps he took after. But he didn't make it that far from the Manor, just far enough so that he wouldn't be heard, before shooting up into the sky, a sonic boom reverberating through the air.

____─ ·𖤓☾· ─____

The cursor line kept blinking mockingly, the puff-piece he was supposed to be writing not coming together at all. Some time after the new park opening near the center of Metropolis and the Mayor announcing that the city was going to go more green he had completely lost the thread, words jumbling together in one big, senseless mess. And he would have sat there even longer if it wasn't for Jimmy's concerned voice breaking him out of it.

“Hey, um, Clark, you okay there, man?..”

Clark blinked at the screen again, slowly coming back to reality and taking in his surroundings. Jimmy hovered somewhere on the outskirts of his vision, and Clark had to steel himself for a brief moment, taking advantage of his super thinking, before turning to Jimmy and putting on a hopefully convincing enough smile.

“Uh, yeah, I'm- I'm okay. Must have zoned out there for a bit, didn't mean to worry you, Jimmy.”

“A bit?” Jimmy didn't look like he was buying it at all. “Clark, I think you really underestimate how long that was. You looked so still, one could mistake you for a statue!” The ginger waved in Clark’s direction pointedly, before asking, “Something happen?”

At that there was the familiar roll of Lois’s office chair, she too joining the conversation with a single raised eyebrow, throwing them an appraising look from all the way to her cubicle. Clark winced.

“I uh- I'm okay. Really. Just… a little tired.” He forced out another smile.

He didn't want to draw any more speculation about him in the office. There was enough of it already. Just last week Steve Lombard had entirely not discreetly told his co-workers that he thought Lois dumped Clark again. Which was decidedly not true, considering they weren't even together in the first place.

Jimmy just studied him for a moment, before nodding.

“Sure, if you say so. But I know just the perfect thing to us both relax and unwind, yeah? How about we go drinking after this?”

Lois coughed pointedly, and Jimmy hastily added: “You, me and Lois, obviously.” Satisfied, the woman nodded approvingly before rolling her chair back to her desk to resume working.

“like the good old days.” Clark said, feeling the slight tag of an actual smile this time, even if it came out a little sad. That was the exact moment that Perry's loud voice suddenly rang through the office.

“Kent, my office! Now!” 

It left Jimmy scrambling to get back to his workplace while Clark just stood up with a sigh.

“Okay, go talk to the boss, see what he wants with you this time. But remember: after work!” The younger man pointed at him and Lois hastily, retreating as soon as he received dual nods of confirmation. Clark grabbed a notepad, mostly out of habit, already mentally going over what Perry could have called him for in his head. Maybe he really did need to unwind. Try to get his mind off of things, even if he couldn't get drunk.

____─ ·𖤓☾· ─____

“Finally!” Lois said, grabbing her jacket from the back of her chair. “I'm dying for a drink right now. Or two.”

She smiled widely at her friends, all teeth, and with a playful shove from her the three of them headed for the elevators, Jimmy already chattering away about the new lense he had bought for his camera but hadn't yet tested out. Clark tried his best to listen as they headed down, but his mind couldn't help replaying images of everything that's happened over the past month, like it's been ever since that dreadful day at the Watchtower, his own complicated emotions slowly eating away at him. He completely missed the ding and the opening of an elevator, shuffling after Lois and Jimmy almost mechanically, until he suddenly bumped into one of them. Jimmy had stopped, for whatever reason, right in his tracks, before whirling around and clapping Clark on the shoulder, excited expression on his face as he stage whispered:

“Look, Sally is totally looking at you, man!”

Lois snorted, mumbling something like “Well she would have to have been blind not to” an amused glint in her eye, while Jimmy very unsubtly inclined his head, indicating where the nice woman from marketing was. At times like these the young man really reminded Clark of Barry, his excitement palpable and lighting up his freckled face.

Still a little too spaced out to register what his friends had actually said, Clark looked up, only to be met with Sally's green eyes. The woman seemed to have been in the middle of talking about something or other with her colleagues, looking about ready to leave the building as well. Just a few months ago, Clark had thought she was really pretty. She seemed smart during their brief conversations, and a little coy, her strong perfume always flowery with a mix of something a little too artificial. He considered asking her out, maybe to a nice restaurant, pictured them sharing a couple of drinks over pasta and getting to know each other, pictured taking her hand in his, maybe sharing a brief kiss after he had walked her home. From across the room, Sally coquettishly tugged a lock of light brown hair behind her ear, lips quirking up in a flirtatious smile, undoubtedly aimed at him, the lipstick she wore an almost garish shade of red.

Clark twitched.

It all seemed so wrong now, for some reason, images of Bruce standing there, in the cowl, hands trembling with anger and something else, something almost  fragile in the line of his jaw flashing in Clark's mind. Images of him telling Bruce about wanting to date again that one late evening in the cave, the Bat just giving him a typical “Hrn” in response, his uncovered face pale in the light of the monitors, dark circles under steel blue eyes and hair mussed by the cowl, eyes not meeting Clark's.

Bruce had asked him back then, quietly, if Clark wanted him to arrange anything for his first date with Sally.

Clark could feel his stomach churn.

“Let's go, Jimmy.” He said hastily, dropping Sally's gaze as if she was the one with literal lazer eyes and pushing his friend forward, ignoring Lois' raised eyebrow and suspicious look, the woman following suit.

“Huh? What- Why? We could have asked her and her friends to come along?..” Jimmy seemed genuinely confused by this, but he didn't protest as the trio rushed in an effort to leave the building.

“Come on.” Once they were out, Clark quickly strode past them, anxiously threading a hand in his hair and missing the look Lois and Jimmy shared behind his back.

The bar the three had chosen this time was one of their usual ones, a quaint little place not too far from the Daily Planet but with menu options cheap enough for two reporters and a photographer, despite still being near the overpriced heart of the city. Lois got herself a Margarita, while Jimmy just ordered the same beer he usually did, Clark himself blindly choosing something extremely alcoholic. 

It wouldn't do anything to him, anyway, but today Clark just wanted to feel the burn , and the way the waiter had to explain how to drink it sounded promising, on that account.

Absinthe tasted… Weird, both bitterness and sweetness mixed together. Clark had never had it before. It didn't burn in the way he wanted it to; not to him, anyway, but maybe it'd start to if he just had more, the sensation of it still unpleasant enough to distract him.

Lois and Jimmy looked actively concerned by now, he knew, feeling incredibly shitty about it, but he just couldn't keep up the fake smiles anymore. It's been more than three weeks since he last saw Bruce at that Justice League meeting. Two weeks since he'd last come to the Manor and had Dick turn him away.

Previously, they haven't seen each other for longer periods of time. In their line of work, it happened, voluntarily or not, especially when someone went off world, but this time…

It was just… different.

And thoughts of that were slowly consuming him from inside out, a hollowness growing in his chest with each passing day.

So, Clark threw himself into his Superman work. He tried to distract himself with civilian stuff, writing articles, tried spending more time with both Kon and Jon, even if the two of them were still a little unhappy with him.

Nothing was working.

He could hear the hushed talk in the office about what the illustrious Bruce Wayne was up to, he passed the Wayne buildings on his commute to work, the company logos on way too many things to even count taunting him. Every single thing, every inch of his own apartment, all of his favorite restaurant joints where he'd take Bruce to, even the Daily Planet office reminded him of his best friend. It felt like he couldn't go anywhere without thinking of him, the tightness in his chest near suffocating. Even his own ‘horrendous’ plaid shirts, as Bruce had often put it, or his ill fitted suits made him think of the way the man's face would scrunch up lightly in distaste, something Clark had always secretly found funny and a little endearing.

God, he missed being able to fly to the cave or the Manor, missed dinners with batkids and Alfred, missed those steely blue eyes and the rare chuckles, all the grunts and the dark cape and cowl, the presence swinging beside him as he flew, or them sitting at the Watchtower monitor room together, or in the cafeteria, or in Bruce's study. Missed sitting on a rooftop with Batman somewhere, just enjoying the quiet and the company. He missed their little chats.

He missed Bruce.

And he was never going to see him again, wasn’t allowed to see him again; not as friends, not as colleagues on the field- Not as… anything.

Not if Bruce had anything to say about it.

Clark drowned the rest of his drink, absently gesturing for another, before gulping this one down too, too gone to pretend they were really affecting him like they would a normal civilian.

He didn't even feel the burn as it went down this time.

“...Okay.” Jimmy said. “So, are we gonna talk about what's going on with you, man?..” He sipped his beer slowly, eyes trained on Clark. “I mean it's been like a month, Clark. You've been acting… Weird. Not like yourself.”

“Almost two, actually.” Lois added, tapping at the bar table thoughtfully with her well manicured nails. She tended to do that when she was figuring out something in her head; usually a way to approach an article or gather information. Clark always felt antsy under her scrutiny. “And it all started with that friend of yours, didn't it?”

The empty glass in his hand creaked, pitifully. Clark had to remind himself to relax, prying the fingers away slowly, really not wanting to pay for breaking stuff or explaining why the glass hadn't even cut him to the staff.

“Clark’s friend did something? Which one? Not someone we know, I assume, or I would have heard of it by now. Like… Other work friend?” Jimmy perked up, gesturing vaguely, Lois’ shrug a confirmation in and of itself. Then, he looked quizzically at Clark.

Under his gaze, the bigger man shrunk in on himself a little. Clark hadn't told Jimmy, even if besides Lois, Jimmy was the only other non superhero friend who knew about his secret identity. Jimmy was also a little hurt after he had snapped at him a few times, so he didn't approach Clark about this, and so Clark just… Never brought it up. It was easier, back when he could just stay angry, fall so easily into the trap that Bruce had painstakingly set out for him. God, he felt like such a fool for that. He had pushed people away, in his anger, never tried to look deeper, dig deeper, even though he knew Bruce was like this, did this, did the same god-damned thing when-

“Clark.” 

No reaction.

“Smallville!”

Lois' gentle voice made his head snap upwards. He wasn't actually sure when his eyes glued themselves to the table. The woman just gave him a tiny concerned smile. “I can see you spiraling. Come on, talk to us. Maybe you'll feel better if you let it all out.”

For the first time that evening, Clark really took a look at his friends, a real look, both Jimmy and Lois eyeing him with quiet encouragement.

It felt… Reassuring.

Like he could really let go. Let his emotions spill over, his friends there to help him pick up the pieces if he crumbled. 

It felt awful. 

He was Superman. He had to be strong, no matter the peril. And he just… Wasn't. Couldn't. Not when it came to Batman. To Bruce.

Clark felt exhausted.

He felt miserable.

Maybe he really should talk about this. He hadn't- Not really, not since that conversation with Lois on the roof.

It still took him a minute to actually start talking.

“I'm sorry I never told you, Jimmy.” Clark started. The words weren't coming to him easily. Just like they hadn't for his articles, recently. And he was supposed to be good at this.

Not only did he feel like a bad friend, but this made him feel like a pitiful excuse for a writer.

He sighed.

“There was an accident, a close friend- He confessed to me. In- In front of everyone. It wasn't his intention, and it ended up being such a disaster. He said he… He was in love with me, has been for years now, and it- It was so unexpected. He never told me. Or anyone. No one knew. And I fucked up. I told his kids, and that resulted in a fight. I said many stupid things I regret now, and now we- He doesn't talk to me anymore. Or- Or anyone. Our other friends, too.”

Clark swallowed, stopping his clumsy explanation. But the floodgates were opened, now.

“ I tried talking to him. I just thought we could go back to being friends, somehow, even if I knew it was impossible. Even after he made it clear that we were done, and that he never wanted to see me again. God, I don't know what to do. There's nothing I can do, and I know it would be easier if I just - if I let him go. After all, he deserves to be happy. After all he's been through he deserves that more than anyone, and I want him to be happy, but it just can't be possible with me around, not as long as he still-”

Clark cut himself off, closing his eyes, the sting of tears he couldn't let spill, - not in front of Lois and Jimmy, - making him feel pathetic. Lois' hand closed over his own, a small, but steadying warmth nonetheless. She let it rest there, for a bit, as Clark collected himself, before rubbing at his eyes with the back of his other hand, momentarily displacing his glasses.

Jimmy was the first one to speak up.

“Fuck, man, this is- Well, this is a lot.” He said, still taking in everything. “But.. That, uh, guy… Is it really, well, normal, shutting you and everyone out like that..?”

Despite himself, Clark let out a quiet huff.

“That's just how he is.” There was a small, sad smile tugging at his lips. “It's what he does with people. I just… I guess I just thought I was the exception.”

Clark knew by now Lois had definitely pieced it all together, her pensive frown saying as much. Jimmy probably wouldn't catch on that quickly, not knowing as much about the other Justice League members as she did.

“You… Want him to be happy.” 

Clark blinked, a little surprised at Lois' words. There was something searching in her eyes, as she met his. Like she was prodding for something, in the same way she did when she was about to discover the truth.

Not really following, Сlark nodded, receiving Lois' thoughtful hum in response.

“And you can't imagine your life without him.” The woman continued. Clark nodded again. Lois' fingers were drumming at the table again, both of her friends looking at her with a question in their eyes.

“Clark…” Lois had started, again, softly. “If it's who I think it is… I need you to tell me something.”

Jimmy looked between them quizzically, sensing that he was probably missing something crucial but not willing to interrupt whatever point Lois was trying to make. Clark nodded again, slowly, feeling his brows furrow.

“How do you feel when you think about him?”

The question caught Clark off guard. It felt… deceptively simple. He'd already spent weeks thinking about Bruce. But he had a feeling Lois was asking about something else .

Clark opened his mouth, but nothing really came out, his brows furrowing.

Bruce was important to him. Even now, if he focused, he could hear that distant, steady heartbeat, the one that's been making him feel all kinds of anguish during these past few weeks, one that he couldn't tune out fully, that last string still connecting him to the man feeling so thin and yet so, so important.

But somehow that didn't feel like it was the right answer.

“I… I don't really understand what you're asking, Lo.” Clark had finally breathed out, honestly. Something must have shown on his face, because Lois' eyes turned sympathetic as she shook her head.

“Sorry.” Lois sighed, chewing on her lip, as if there was something else. “Nevermind, forget that. I shouldn't have asked.”

Jimmy let out a small sound in his throat, echoing her last sentence, as if agreeing. “What's important is that we're here for you , man.” He raised his glass, Lois raising her own margarita in turn.

“Let's just get drunk tonight, while we can.” Lois had said. “Or at least as drunk as we dare to try and make you while our kids are kept busy.”

She smiled before downing her margarita in one swing, Jimmy nodding along eagerly.

Clark allowed himself a tiny smile, the ache in his chest never going away but a little easier to drown for the time being, Lois' and Jimmy's idle chatter soon filling his ears.

He knew what he had to do.

Bruce deserved a chance at happiness.

He deserved so much more than just that .

So why… Why couldn’t Clark just let him go?..

____─ ·𖤓☾· ─____

It took another month for Clark to start unravelling at the seams. While at first he tried ignoring the constant pain that had seized his heart whenever he thought of Bruce, tried to distract himself with anything and everything, soon that became almost unbearable.

It started with his own apartment. Clark would look at the things Bruce had casually gifted him throughout the years, run his hands over the soft and incredibly pricey red scarf that the man had gotten him, or stare at all the incredibly nice ties that he rarely ever had the chance to wear. He started making tea with an actual kettle - the one that Bruce had given him years ago, after his break-up with Lois, insisting that he couldn't just keep boiling things with heat vision, and it would be suspicious if he ever had guests over.

Then, it was the Watchtower. Clark found himself drifting ever closer to the lab Batman used to frequent so much, sitting in the chair he would usually sit in while waiting for Bruce to finish his work, staring at nothing. His eyes would naturally drift to the empty chair during the Justice League meetings, images of Batman sitting there, fiddling with a tablet or speaking up about something, always so collected and calm. There was also a window the two of them frequented, the faraway one, too inconvenient to walk over to for anyone not seeking solitude but perfect for quiet conversations and companionable silence, the view of Earth always managing to take Clark's breath away, no matter how many times he looked at it. Clark never realized, however, just how many times during that he would stare at Batman, the image of his cowled profile illuminated by soft, blue light of the planet they both loved and fought so hard to protect almost burned into his memory.

And, unfortunately, just like with Lois and Jimmy, people had started noticing. 

Diana was the first one to talk to him, never one to beat around the bush. The amazonian had laid a comforting hand on his shoulder, assuring him that they all missed Bruce. That there would always be a place for the vigilante if he wished to return, and that the rest of the League is there for Clark, if he wanted to talk. That they understood how he felt. Clark smiled at her, back then, with as much cheer as he could muster, but gave her a flimsy excuse as to why he had to go. And every other time she tried to broach the subject he avoided the conversation, until she finally gave up. Clark loved Diana, he really did; she was a close friend, but he simply couldn't deal with talking about it, not to her. He couldn't tell her that he himself wasn't sure how he was feeling. That he wasn't okay and it just wasn't going away . Thankfully, most other League members didn't really try to broach the subject. Batman's departure was something they didn't talk about, a sore spot for many. And, by extension, what happened to Superman after was a taboo conversation topic, too.

J'onn was the only other person to approach Clak about it.

Martian Manhunter had quietly walked in the lab when Clark sat there, a cooling coffee cup on the table, one he had made without really wanting one or thinking about it. It was fully black. Clark wasn't the one to drink black coffee, not really. He'd usually pour so much sugar and cream into it that anyone who saw it other than Barry shuddered. But Bruce liked it black. Batman would always take his coffee like that, something about it feeling so entirely in character it never failed to make Clark smile.

Clark almost startled at J'onn’s sudden entrance. The Martian wasn't typically one to confront people, or meddle in their business. Being telepathic, he tried to maintain boundaries as much as he could, so people could trust him.

J'onn hovered near Batman's chair for a moment, before laying a hand on it wordlessly.

“Kal-El.” He had said, in greeting, and Clark nodded to him, feeling weirdly exposed under his perceptive red stare. Probably sensing that, on some level, J'onn mercifully looked away, before speaking again.

“I try to not look into people's heads unnecessarily. But when the emotions are especially strong… I can't help but sense them.”

Clark immediately felt guilty, imagining where this was going, but J'onn just continued, in his soothing, measured voice.

“And when it came to Batman… I have to admit, I've known about it nearly since I'd met the both of you.”

Clark's brain felt like it stopped working. This- It wasn't where he thought this was going. J'onn was- J'onn was telling him that he knew, of course he had, and that- That B’s feelings were…

Something in J'onn's eyes looked sad, even if the man's face was usually hard to get a read on.

“This has been going on for long enough. You aren't acting like your usual self, and I don't think the others understand just how hard this hit you.”

Clark swallowed, apologetically smiling at the man, mostly out of habit. He was still reeling from his previous words.

“Sorry… I didn't think it would affect you, J'onn. I'll- I'll try to keep it under control.”

The Martian just stared at him, however, unblinking.

“There's no need to apologize. It wasn't what I meant.” His eyes traced a line back to Batman's chair. Then, J'onn spoke up again.

“I understand the grief that comes with losing such a strong bond. But it isn't over for you two yet.”

Something inside Clark felt like it broke at that. He… He felt guilty. So guilty, for apparently being so ignorant, for causing Bruce so much pain.

And he must have, he couldn't even imagine how it had felt, all these years.

But most of all, he really wanted to believe J'onn. But it all seemed so futile.

Suddenly, the pain in his mind lessened, just a fraction, Clark's eyes snapping back to J'onn’s, as the wave of calming mental energy soothed him. He felt grateful. Even if he was so, so tired, this felt nice, like a warm cocoon blanketing his own emotions, if only for a little while.

They didn't talk after that.

The two of them just spent a few moments in the lab, J'onn eventually phasing out the room, just as quietly he had appeared.

‘it isn't over for you two yet.’

Clark closed his eyes.

He really, really wanted to believe that.

____─ ·𖤓☾· ─____

The League business continued as usual. So has the Green Lantern one, for that matter. Hal continued being awesome and kicked ass on the daily, and so did the other members of the Justice League. Earth always needed its heroes, after all, and even though it felt weird and wrong without the ever gloomy Bat, without their main strategist and tech support, even if it came time when the team felt like they could have really used the man's expertise, life still moved on.

Superman was absolutely miserable, though, everyone could tell.

It was obvious in the way the man smiled, his usual radiance gone, obvious with the way he would stare into nothing at times, or the way he had suddenly started spending an almost unreasonable amount of time in Batman's lab on the Watchtower. Well, technically, that lab wasn't specifically Batman's; everyone could use it if they wanted to, but Batman had just spent so much time there, tinkering with equipment or remnants of their last battles that everyone just started calling it that.

Not that it saw much actual use ever since the man had left.

Hal groaned, the simple thought of it putting him in a worse mood. He spun in his chair, too tired from looking at monitors all day. It was a slow day today, no real disasters in the world for the League to assist with, no giant robots or aliens. Which would usually be nice, but not when one had monitor duty. When was the end of his shift, anyway? Wasn't Shayera supposed to take over soon? A look at the clock had him groaning in misery. How was it still an hour before that?!.. Hal kicked his legs up on the console now that there was no bat-themed vigilante nearby to tell him off.

Almost as if sensing his thoughts there was a sudden flash of the monitors, a call to the space station, startling him enough to nearly fall off a chair.

“Batman to Watchtower.” There was a grunt on the other line, almost as if Batman was fighting. Quickly taking his legs off the console, irrationally afraid that Batman may have sensed him doing it somehow, Hal raced to answer.

“Bats- Spooky- Holy shit, it's been a while, what's up?”

Hal really hoped that the joyful note in his voice wasn't too obvious. Not like he missed the guy. Okay, maybe a little, but it's not like he wanted Batman to be aware of that.

“Jordan, this is an emergency.” Came an all too familiar growl. Ah. There was something comfortable in the man not changing despite everything. “Members of the magical cult we subdued prior have come out of hiding. And there's a second cursed book. I need you to contact the others, immediately.”

“Fuck! On it.” Jordan swore as he hastily opened a line of communication to the other League members, information from Batman on his own and the cult's whereabouts already flashing on one of the screens. There was a flash of red and blue beside him as soon as he relayed the news, Superman looking a little frazzled as he flew in, only coming in to catch Batman's curt “Batman out.” Hal couldn't help but throw a quizzical look his way, before the both of them were already moving, heading straight for the zeta beams. With everyone notified, it was pretty much into the fray after that, a few giant and weirdly purple portals opening up all around Blüdhaven.

Why was it that the shittiest villains always came back with a vengeance?

____─ ·𖤓☾· ─____

Superman's heart was racing.

It wasn't the battle - it was tense, yes, but they've already dealt with that same magic cult before, most members of the Justice League doing much better avoiding the rogue magic this time, as well as the hoards of demonic creatures, even if they were different from the ones that had come for them last time.

No.

It was seeing Batman's dark cape swishing in the air behind him, hearing the man's heartbeat so close again, seeing this incredible, insanely dedicated man in action.

They worked so well together. He had almost forgotten how exhilarating it felt.

It was as if the months of separation weren't there, both of them falling Into the fray beside each other so naturally, ending up near each other by pure chance, and for the first time in what felt like years Clark had felt like he could finally breathe again.

An explosive batarang flew past his shoulder as he tackled a huge demon, explosion hitting the smaller ones that had tried to pile on him from behind before Clark took the massive one straight into the sky, swinging it by the arm in a circle before throwing it back inside one of the closing portals, knocking a lot of the smaller demons with it like a bunch of bowling pins.

From up high he could see the others, Canary and Green Arrow working together with the Flash on picking out the cultists while Wonder Woman was busy wrestling another one of the giant demons. Not too far away, Hawkgirl and both of the Green Lanterns were busy keeping the fight away from the yet to be evacuated areas of the city. Martian Manhunter was trying to pinpoint the book's location, assisted with that by Nightwing, who couldn't simply stay back when the invaders threatened his city.

When Superman dove down to punch another fairly large demon Batman was already moving across the rooftops, a small horde of demons close on his heels. With an impressive turnaround and a few more explosive batarangs they were out for the count, dissipating in a huge splatter of magic, and, before he could even think, Superman was already swooping down to catch Batman, the burst of it just barely grazing them both.

Batman's familiar weight made Clark's breath catch, the man almost instinctively looping his arms around Clark's shoulders for support as they flew. The kevlar always felt cool to the touch, a nice contrast to his own constant solar powered heat. Batman stiffened as soon as Superman sped them away from the spells, but said nothing as he was lowered to the next roof over, close to where Dick and J'onn were, Superman and Batman already turning away and plunging back into the fray, Clark not allowing himself even a moment of distraction and knowing that the other man would do the same. Lives were at stake.

A guilty prickle at the back of his mind told him that he had to stay away , that Batman didn't want his help, but there was no time for that. So, they continued fighting, knowing that the other always had their back, no matter what.

It wasn't long before J'onn and Nightwing had finally figured out the location of what they needed, and, after finding the book, the rest of the cult had fallen easily, just like they did last time.

____─ ·𖤓☾· ─____

“Thanks for the help.” Nightwing gave the members of the League a toothy smile, hands on his hips and eyes crinkling under his domino mask.

Diana offered him an easy smile back. “Always, Nightwing.” The amazonian had said, nearly all of them gathered on a roof in much the same way as they had when Clark's world tilted on its axis the first time. He couldn't help but feel nervous, some palpable tension in the air now that people weren't busy fighting. He wasn't sure if it was just him, or if everyone felt a little on edge, finally seeing the Bat for the first time in months.

A swishing of the grappling line was the only prerequisite before the last hero finally joined them on the roof, Batman near silently landing on it, his cape falling around him in a graceful swoop. Superman felt his own heart stutter again as the Dark Knight rose to his feet. Batman's black cape covered his body fully, like it often did, making him look like shadow itself, and all the feelings that Clark fought so hard to contain had finally broken free, pain, guilt, sadness, happiness and relief at seeing Bruce again all making the blood rush to his ears and nearly sending him toppling to the ground. Standing far as he was, he just hoped that no one would notice that moment of weakness, or the subsequently dismayed expression on his face, even as his own heart rabbitted in his ears.

Clark missed him.

Clark missed Bruce.

So much.

John was the one who stepped forward. “Batman.” The Green Lantern had said in greeting. “Were you able to get anything out of them?”

After the fighting had ended, Batman took it upon himself to extract the necessary information, J'onn having some trouble with the magic shields cloaking the cult's minds. That was exactly why they'd missed signs of there being more of them, the first time.

“Hrn.” Batman grunted in affirmation. “They still have a few branches in other cities that need to be dealt with. But there shouldn't be any other cursed artifacts in their possession capable of causing such chaos. However, now that the Justice League has interfered in their plans again, they will be laying low.”

The separation Batman had put between himself and the Justice League stung, some people stepping awkwardly from one foot to another, mood a little somber, but Clark could do nothing but watch the Bat's imposing figure, silently taking in all of his features like a man starved. Bruce was tense, and his heartbeat was ever so slightly elevated, but he didn't show any other outward signs of being on edge. Clark wanted to touch him. He wanted to put a comforting hand on his shoulder, like he did so many times over the years, the casual touch Bruce had always allowed him , leaned into even, ever so slightly. He wanted it so bad it hurt.

“We might need your help rounding up the rest of them, Batman.” Diana had said, smiling slightly at Bruce, something sad and hopeful in her tone.

Batman grunted. “I am willing to work with the League on this case. It was my mistake for not interrogating them sooner.”

Bruce admitting his perceived mistake felt like a slap in the face.

It wasn't like him, so openly taking the blame, even though Clark knew that deep down Bruce was harsher on himself than he was on all of them.

Mistake?..

He was speaking as if he was at any fault for not starting an investigation right after what happened, and Clark couldn't believe what he was hearing. When the Justice League was summoned Hal mentioned that Batman had been following the remnants of that cult for a while now, until he realized that some of their forces had gotten away. And Bruce had blamed himself for it.

Blamed himself for being vulnerable, for acting like a normal human after having his heart laid bare for everyone to see.

It was such a Bruce thing to do.

Clark had wanted to both shake the man violently and cry.

It had been so long since they'd last spoken to each other.

He almost didn't believe this was happening.

Clark wanted to gather Bruce in his arms again, feel the cool touch of the kevlar, feel the arms looping around his neck and the weight of B’s solid body against him.  He wanted to-

He wanted to kiss Bruce.

And just like that, everything clicked.

Oh.

Rao.

Is this what Lois wanted to tell him? Is this what J'onn meant by speaking of their ‘ bond’?

This whole time.

For a moment, it felt like his own heart had stopped, his mouth falling open with the realisation.

Clark was in love.

He was in love with Bruce.

Clark felt his world narrowing down to one dark figure who was very resolutely not looking at him, who was already turning away after curtly promising to exchange all the necessary information with the League. Bruce was already on the move to leave , Dick giving an awkward wave before following suit, and Clark just couldn't lose him again.

“B…”

At the edge of the roof, Batman stumbled.

Before he even knew it, Clark was already by his side, hands hovering uselessly, seeing as the man barely even lost his footing, an angry Bat already whirling around to snarl at him.

Despite himself, Clark's heart stuttered again. They were so close. It seemed to trip Batman up again, as the no doubt vicious words died in his throat, the man stepping back hastily. Clark almost didn't want to let him, but he restrained himself, eyes searching and heart hammering in his ears.

“Can we talk?” He asked, noting everything, from the jump in Batman's own pulse to the way the man's breath hitched. He was so hyper focused on Batman he couldn't care less about the audience or Nightwing's disapproving frown hovering right at the edge of his vision.

Batman opened his mouth, no doubt to shut him down, so Clark tried, almost desperately, injecting as much authority into his voice as he could:

“Please, B. This is important. We have to talk. Privately.”

He was staring down at Bruce now, determination in his eyes, the few inches he had on the man feeling weirdly significant at this distance.

“Clark-” Dick tried, sternly, but Clark just shook his head, not even taking his eyes off Batman, almost as if fearing he'd disappear any second, like the man tended to do.

“Please.” He tried again, voice soft, almost broken, and the seconds when Bruce stoically remained silent felt like torture.

Then, the man gritted his teeth.

“Fine.” He spat, already pulling out his grappling hook.

The relief washed over Clark like a tidal wave, Bruce jumping off the roof with a signal to not follow them to Nightwing, and Clark only had half a mind to throw a nod to a confused looking Diana and the rest of the Justice League before he flew after him, afraid to lose sight of the man for even a second.

It was both too short and too long when the two of them landed in a quiet, faraway alley that had suffered some damage from the magic cult's attack. It was dark enough for Batman to hide from regular human sight in, with no cameras, while also ensuring that no civilians would be nearby to witness anything.

Bruce had landed there with his back half turned to Clark, and it couldn't have been anything less but deliberate, with the way he could easily grapple  out of there in seconds. Superman felt the corners of his own mouth lift up sadly at that. Ever the planner. Something warm spread through his chest, and Clark couldn't believe that he had never figured out what his own feelings for Bruce were.

It still felt surreal, and he still wasn't sure what it would even mean for his own orientation, wasn't ready to tackle that, but it didn't really matter right now.

The only one that mattered right now was Bruce.

Was telling him how he felt.

Clark took a deep breath, preparing himself for what he was about to say. 

“I know this is sudden. But I need you to listen to me.” He started, trying to ease the man into a conversation and knowing that Bruce wouldn't start it. Trying to lay himself bare. He couldn't let Bruce shut him out. Not now. “Bruce, you're very important to me. Always have been. I just never realized how important.”

The man stiffened, the exact opposite of what Clark had wanted, so he continued, a little hastily. “ You're the closest person I have, closest friend I have. And I missed you, B, I missed you so much. I don't want to lose you again , Bruce. I thought I knew what I was feeling, but after you confessed everything just felt like it changed , like the whole world was falling apart and I didn't know why, not in the slightest . I didn't know anything, and not having you in my life made me realize that.”

Bruce looked like he would rather be anywhere else but here, the line of his shoulders tense, something pained in his half covered face. Clark took a tentative step forward.

“Clark.” 

It was clearly meant to sound like a warning. But the name left Bruce's mouth sounding way too strangled to really fool anyone. Clark shook his head.

“I’m sorry for what I said when we fought on the roof and during the meeting. I'm sorry for telling your kids. I really messed up, and I know we both said things we didn’t mean, but you still need to know that I don't  actually think that about you. You're a good person, Bruce. One of the best people I know, and you're worth it. You're worth everything to me, B. And I don't know if you still feel the same way about me. But I- I hope you give me a chance to repair this.” God, Clark hoped Bruce did. Wished he did. Wished that it wasn't too late, even though he knew now just how long Bruce had kept this close to his chest.

“Bruce, what I'm trying to say is…”

He swallowed, catching Batman's eyes.

“I love you.”

Belatedly, Clark realized that it wasn't his own heart that was thundering in his ears now. Worriedly, he stepped forward, Bruce taking his own small step back at the same time.

“No.” Batman breathed out.

Clark had to blink a few times, confusion slightly cracking his own resolve.

“No…?”

Bruce stepped back again, shaking his head violently.

“No. No, no, no- Clark, I-” His breathing was coming out shaky, despite him clearly trying to compose himself, and Clark felt his own brows furrow in concern as the man started pacing. “It's- Fuck, Clark, I'm sorry.”

His heart sank, momentarily, but Bruce was already rambling on.

“I've confused you. You're not… You're not in love with me. And I didn't mean for you to start thinking like that. I know you've convinced yourself you had to reciprocate my feelings, because you were hurt by my absence, because you felt guilty and indebted to me, but you don't. You don't owe me anything, Clark.”

He snarled, but it looked like he was angry at himself.

“This is my fault. I failed to consider just how kind you are. Clark, this- You should know that it isn't real, you don't actually-”

Clark didn't really get headaches, but he was starting to get one right now. God, he couldn't believe he was in love with this man, this incredibly beautiful, stubborn man. He smiled, both exasperated and fond feelings swelling up inside him.

Clark stepped forward, gently catching Bruce by the wrist to make him look at him, stopping the pacing.

“I love you, B.”

Bruce stiffened, words dying on his tongue. Clark leaned slightly forward, feeling giddy at the way Batman's breath caught again and slowly bringing one of his hands up to take off his cowl, all movements carefully telegraphed in case Bruce wanted to pull away. He was familiar enough with mechanisms of the cowl to not trip its protective systems, the material giving way with a gentle tug. Pale blue eyes met his, Bruce's dark hair wild and slightly damp, messed up by the cowl. The circles under his eyes were even darker than Clark had remembered them, and Bruce seemed to have lost weight, the angles of his face sharpened.

A pang of concern ran through Clark's heart at that.

Just how ragged did the man try to run himself over these past few months?..

Just as slowly and carefully, Clark placed his hand on the other's face, tracing the light stubble with his thumb. Bruce's eyes widened, a startled, uncertain expression on his face making Clark's heart shatter to a million tiny pieces.

“B, listen to me. I'm not confused. Nor do I feel obligated to say this. I just never realized it, Bruce. I was so caught up in my head I missed all the signs, I didn't know how I really felt until I lost you. ” 

There was deep sadness in his voice. But he needed Bruce to know that it was true. Needed the man to realize that he wasn't impossible to love. That Clark loved him. 

“I don't know when it started, but this feeling, it has been with me for a while, now. I couldn't tell you if it was last year, or when me and Lois broke up. Maybe even sooner than that. But somewhere along the lines I've managed to fall for you. And I want to prove it to you. Prove to you that I really love you, if you'd let me.”

It was almost unbearable seeing the flash of pain in Bruce's eyes as the man looked away, unable to look at Clark in the wake of the man's sincerity, pulse jumping under his soothing touch.

“I'm not-” He tried, shaking his head. It was almost desperate. Clark only just realized, now, that the man’ hands were trembling. “I hurt people, Clark. I'm not- Good. At this.”

Bruce was clearly straining to get the words out. There was something desperate in the way he tried so hard to keep it together. Clark smiled, softly.

“Bruce, we've known each other for years. I know what you're like. And you care. You care so deeply, more than people realize.” He traced Bruce's sharp cheekbone, heart melting at the fact that he was even allowed to, that Bruce didn't step away from his touch.

“It was so much more painful, not having you in my life.” He added, quietly.

Bruce closed his eyes. He looked pained by this. And Clark wished he could take all of his pain away, wished he could kiss it away, hold the man in his arms forever.

“You're… You're Superman. You're not like me, Clark. You're good. You're the beacon of hope, and the world needs you . This could put you in danger. If our line of work-”

“B.” Clark cut him off, gentle resolve in his voice. “Look at me.”

Pale blue eyes met his. Eyes, that Clark only just realized, he couldn't stop thinking about for way too long, now.

“I know.” Clark said. “I know everything you want to say. All the numerous reasons this would be a bad idea. The justifications you give yourself for why you're not allowed to want something .”

Clark leaned even closer, feeling Bruce's breath ghost over his own lips.

“But I want this. I want you, Bruce. And I need you to tell me if you want it, too.”

For a moment, Bruce didn't move at all. Didn't even breathe, Clark almost thinking that he had pushed too far, that Bruce would pull away, and-

Almost violently, Bruce crashed their lips together, hands coming up to tangle in Clark's hair, tugging at his locks as Bruce moved close, clinging to Clark like a lifeline. Clark let out a single startled sound before just as desperately kissing him back, the kiss ending up feverish and hungry, his own hands landing on Bruce's waist, pulling the man closer, as close as he physically could get away with and probably leaving finger shaped bruises despite the protective layers of armor.

Clark was a little too gone to care, not when Bruce's own touch was so desperate it would have been painful for any normal human, not when kissing Bruce felt so right, and he never wanted to stop, wanted to live in this moment forever, melt into the feeling of holding Batman in his arms.

The whole world seemed to have melted away, nothing but Bruce, his touch, the taste of his lips or the heat of his body remaining.

But, in the end, Bruce was still human, and he needed to breathe, so they had to pull away, much to Clark's immediate dismay. It was short lived, because the sight of Bruce's wild eyes and flushed cheeks, his kiss swollen lips was breathtaking, and Bruce was already diving back in, kissing him again, Clark not being able to deny him anything.

He didn't know just how long they stood there, in that alley, but at some point the hungry kisses turned softer, slower, and less feverish but no less perfect, Bruce's hold on him somehow feeling even more desperate.

And Clark understood.

He finally understood.

“I love you.” He whispered, after drawing back from another kiss. And Bruce's breathing was shaky and ragged, so he held him tighter, trying to convey that this was real, that he wasn't going anywhere. Something inside himself revelling in finally being here, with Bruce, and he never wanted to let him go, didn't think he even could .

He kissed B again, just a light peck on the lips before he moved to his cheek, then his brow, and his hair.

“I love you.” He repeated, Bruce burying his face in his shoulder, slight tremors racking through him.

Bruce didn't say it back. Clark didn't expect him to, not after it was ripped out of him like it was before, not after Bruce poured all his feelings into the way he had kissed Clark, so Clark just repeated these three words, over and over. Because Bruce needed to hear them, Clark's own heart finally so full and content as he held Bruce though all of it, kissed him breathless until the day's exhaustion had finally caught up to them both.

____─ ·𖤓☾· ─____

In hindsight, the fact that the two of them had disappeared for hours only to return to the Manor together and fall asleep in costume, tangled on Bruce's incredibly large bed, was probably a bad idea. And that's how, when Alfred, along with all the assembled batkids and one incredibly angry Dick discovered them there a few hours later Clark received the most terrifying shovel talk of his life. If you could count threats of a violent death told to you in graphic detail as that, of course.

Surprisingly, the scariest threat had actually come from Dick, since he had previously seen them disappear, and was apparently waiting for Bruce for hours, before finally heading back to round up the family.

Clark had never before seen a smile so terrifying, a silent promise on the part of the family that they would talk more about this later.

Bruce was a little too groggy after being woken up, and mad about being shoved out of the room the batkids have dragged Clark into for their ‘talk’. But it seemed that the months of separation had hit them both hard, seeing as how as soon as Clark was deemed worthy enough to live (for now) by the family, Bruce had dragged him straight back to bed, falling back asleep with a hand tightly clutching his. Clark was a little too afraid for his life after the look Jason and Damien levelled him as he was being dragged away, but after a while he too had fallen back into a dreamless, peaceful slumber, after hours of just watching Bruce's chest rise and fall, after listening to the sound of his steady heartbeat, finally close enough, his own heart overflowing with affection for the man clinging to his arm.

And if he had woken up to receive a few slow, gentle and slightly disbelieving kisses in the morning and had to call in sick to work just to keep staying close to Bruce, then no one but Bruce and him had to know.

Or, at least, no one had to know until Lois inevitably decided to interrogate him later.

____─ ·𖤓☾· ─____

When Batman finally rejoined the Justice League a few weeks after ‘the second book’ incident, as Hal and Barry had playfully dubbed it, everyone was trying to pretend not to know something.

To be fair, though, the way Batman tersely relayed all the relevant information he has gathered so far and talked of all the cult members who had already been apprehended in a way that Hal, much to his own amusement, understood to Spooky actually being embarrassed, was absolutely hilarious . 

And made even more hilarious by the fact that it was probably caused by the absolutely beaming Superman , who was barely able to keep heart eyes off his definitely not boyfriend while everyone else, besides maybe J'onn, pretended not to snicker or grin from ear to ear at such a development. Not only did they finally have their Bat back, and not only was this the juiciest gossip of the century, but this was also excellent blackmail material on the (previously) darkest and broodiest member of the team.

Something told Hal that the man was not too happy about his own absolutely tattered reputation, but this was just gold, really.

The whole thing kind of felt like Hal was a kid in a romcom, and his previously separated parents got back together.

Which was… Weird, but wholesome in its own way, since the two had already been acting like an old married couple for years.

And if he'd accidentally walked in on Batman and Superman kissing right after that meeting, well. He just hoped Batman didn't notice, distracted as he was, since Hal rather liked being alive, thank you.

But Barry was gonna love hearing about this.