Chapter Text
Rey was impulsive. She knew it was a weakness.
The need to dive headfirst into anything always got her into all sorts of trouble. But it was her impulsive nature that closed the gap between her and Ben. After receiving the disappointing vision in the mirror cave, she’d reached out to Ben because she realized he was the only one who could understand what she was going through. Reaching out to her enemy could have been a disaster. She could have easily misjudged the situation and been dead by now. She’d come to realize that Ben was trapped not just physically, but mentally. Through their bond, she saw and felt that Ben was trapped. He realized he had no other choice but to stand by Snoke's side. She had been his hope for freedom from Snoke's beskar-fisted grip.
Once more, she studied the hand-drawn pictures of the Force vergence points. She could try to access the World Between Worlds from Ahch-To, but even after his death, Luke Skywalker's Force ghost seemed content to remain on the island. That was her perception since he showed up there amid her meltdown after stabbing Ben.
“He could have shown up on the Death Star ruins for that pep talk,” Rey muttered in annoyance. She knew Luke wouldn’t approve of this, just as he didn’t approve of her talking to Ben through the Force. She remembered how angry he was when he discovered them... and they never talked about the Force bond since she left Ahch-To. Not even when he encouraged her to defeat Palpatine.
She could hear the distant memory of the grumpy old Jedi master telling her, “This is not going to go the way you think.” The man who ultimately sealed Ben's dreadful fate, causing him to never trust his family, had tried to convince her that Ben couldn't be turned back. It was disappointing, to say the least, especially since Luke was the one who helped Darth Vader turn back to the light.
Rey focused on the images again. Her eyes drifted from the drawing of Ahch-To to Exegol. That painful pit in her stomach twisted, and she pressed her lips tightly as she remembered the constant lightning strikes and the sizzling dark energy in the air.
Ben disappeared on the Sith Cathedral's floor.
Perhaps it would be easier to bring him back from there.
Abruptly, she slammed the Jedi text closed and took a deep breath.
This idea was not only impulsive but insane. Insane because there wasn't any proof that this would work. But Rey knew that if she continued to sit here day after day, only thinking of what ifs, she would certainly drive herself to madness.
Even if the Force only gave her a few more minutes with him, Rey thought she would be content with that. Just enough time to tell him she knew there was good in him, that she hadn’t given up on him. Even on the Death Star ruins, she knew he hadn’t been actively trying to kill her, let alone harm her. But hellbent on winning that duel, Rey had let her anger control her. She was foolish for running away instead of at least apologizing for stabbing him while he was distracted.
Rather than feeling victorious, she’d felt shame. That was why she ran away.
And now...now she would give anything for one more moment with him.
With renewed determination, Rey opened a hidden compartment within her quarters' wall where she stashed extra ration packets and then shoved them into her satchel along with some spare clothing. She rummaged through the ‘fresher, packing essentials like soaps, toothpaste, and shampoo. Then she quietly trekked through the Falcon, grabbing medical supplies along the way.
“Impulsive.” Rey thought again as she realized she was, in fact, preparing to leave as soon as possible. She wasn’t going to let anything stand in her way. She didn’t want to lose her determination, nor did she want to lose her hope. Most of the Resistance members were sleeping. It would be easier to leave the planet now. Even if that meant she wasn’t going to say goodbye to Chewie, Finn, Rose, or even Poe. Chewie might understand, but they had never talked about Ben. Perhaps it was too painful. Or maybe Chewie could never forgive Ben for what he did. But many times, in the last few weeks, Rey thought she felt the Wookiee’s longing to see the “pup” again. Perhaps she could wait just until morning...
No!
She couldn’t think of her friends now. She had a plan and needed to follow through with it.
~~~
Rey quietly continued her trek through the Falcon. More grateful than ever that the stowaway porgs were now acclimating to their new life on Ajon Kloss at a nearby lake. Now that BB-8 was reunited with Poe, and R2, who lingered near Leia's old quarters unless he was following Threepio wherever he shuffled off to when times were busy, there were no droids to question her presence as she grabbed a few more ration packets and water for her mission on her way out.
Except for a few hisses from nearby Zymods and cicadas, the lush, tropical jungle in which the Rebel base lay was near-silent. Rey peered at the amphibians as they meandered across a thick branch, flicking their tongues occasionally.
Sweat was already beading along Rey’s forehead and the back of her neck from the warm, humid air. She wiped her head with her forearm and scanned the area surrounding the X-Wings.
She knew that some pilots had missions in the middle of the night, so it shouldn't cause alarm that a random X-Wing would be taking off, but if some trigger-happy guard tried to question her before she got into the ship, it could derail her plans. If someone discovered her, she could make them pass out and forget they saw her. But the less attention, the better.
Thankfully, there were no sentries to be found. Now that their enemy had been defeated, she’d watched as the Resistance had let its guard down with each passing week. The sentries were probably off playing a game of Sabacc. Something she frowned upon but remained quiet about. She couldn't bring herself to care because she felt like a shadow of herself. She knew she should have raised her concerns to Chewie, Finn, or Poe, but she hadn’t--her thoughts were too consumed with Ben.
“I see why attachments are forbidden. I've become so selfish.” Rey mused as she climbed into an X-Wing. Once seated, she leaned her head back with a small sigh.
Her need for family would probably never be settled, especially as half of her soul was cruelly ripped away from her. But there had to be a way to find balance between being a Jedi and having attachments… having a loved one. If she…
If she can bring him back.
Rey took one final look at the base before initiating the X-Wing’s launch sequence.
“Identify yourself.” Launch control announced over the coms.
She ignored the command, took a deep breath, and blew it out as she blasted away from Ajan Kloss.
Little did she know, the old Wookiee had watched her departure from the trees with a soft growl. After he watched her leave the Falcon, he walked into the Falcon and checked the hidden compartment in Rey's quarters, confirming she had taken her stash of portion packets, and he realized that the young pup would be gone for an unknown amount of time. When her ship disappeared, he quietly growled, bidding her luck.
“Was that Rey?” Came Poe Dameron’s voice.
“Yes.” The Wookiee growled when Poe skidded to a stop at his side.
“Do you know where she’s going?” When Chewie shrugged, Poe sighed. “You just wished her luck.”
“She has a lead.” Chewie grunted and growled nonchalantly.
“She has a lead? Why are you being so casual about it? Why is she on her own?” Poe arched an eyebrow. “And what kind of lead?”
“A good lead.” Chewie purred and looked at the sky once more.
~~~
Although Rey had only flown through the turbulent and violent depths of the space surrounding Exegol once, the flight path felt like second nature to her. Perhaps it had been the adrenaline of the upcoming battle that first flight, but now it wasn't a challenge for her to fly the unknown space… granted, she’d had the Sith Wayfinder then. And she could feel Palpatine's evil presence beckoning her one last time, making it seem easy to fly through the littered space.
This time, she didn’t have the Wayfinder. Once again, the red clouds and gas made it feel as if she were descending into Hell. While Rey couldn't feel a hint of Ben's presence, the very idea of reuniting with him in some fashion made her more determined.
Exegol's haunting atmosphere didn't unsettle Rey this time as she descended. She felt numb to the nonstop flashes of lightning, even more so as she trudged across the barren land full of dirt, shattered boulders, and corpses of the Sith Eternal cultists. Her stern expression hardened as she entered the broken Sith cathedral– The same cathedral she should have walked out with Ben those months ago.
When she came upon several sets of armored, decaying bodies that belonged to six other warriors known as the Knights of Ren, she paused and tightened her fist. She had only seen the warriors in a vision, but through her bond with Ben, she had seen glimpses of them. She saw how he joined them after leaving Luke’s temple. And the times that they trained and went on missions together. They almost seemed like a brotherhood of Force sensitives, but in the end, these men betrayed Ben for a high power.
“It worked! You have the saber!” Rey had exclaimed after she’d handed Ben his grandfather’s lightsaber through the Force bond.
“Mysteries of the Force later. Fighting now,” had been his distracted reply. As the fight for their lives started, Ben believed that they would survive and have time to discuss the Force later.
But instead…
Ben shouldn't be gone. She ground her teeth as she seethed. If only she were stronger during her fight with Palpatine, Ben wouldn’t have had to give all his life force to her. If only he knew how worthy he was to her, how much she wanted him by her side instead of dying...
Rey’s nails dug into her palms as frustration filled her soul. But she knew going into this plan angry and depressed wasn’t going to do her any favors. She needed to calm herself and keep moving.
~~~
Focused on her goal of finding Ben in the World Between Worlds, Rey fleetingly registered walking past the strange lab that had once held Snoke's clones. She wondered whether Snoke made clones of Ben, but quickly brushed off the idea. The First Order would have announced if their “Supreme Leader” had returned by now. Instead, Rey knew that the legion was running and hiding from the rebels.
Rey was so dissociated from her surroundings that it took her a few minutes to realize she was standing in the center of the Cathedral. The musty scent of dry earth as well as the charred and decaying flesh of the Sith Eternal made her crinkle her nose as she stared at Ben's trousers and boots. She could faintly see where his head lay moments before he disappeared. Her frown deepened with a small sniffle as the image of his beautiful smile replayed in her head, and her heart broke for the millionth time.
Ben wasn't dead. He wasn't truly gone. He was trapped– or she was slowly descending to madness.
With a deep breath and trembling fingers, she dipped her hand into her satchel and grasped Ben's battle-worn tunic. As she had all too often, she brought the frayed material to her face. She closed her eyes with a deep inhale to remember his musky scent and pressed her lips against it before sitting on the dirty, broken floor and sinking into the Force.
“Be with me.” She breathed and clutched the shirt close to her heart.
“Don't do this.” Skywalker’s voice sounded nearby, and Rey ignored it.
If the old Jedi master opted to “visit” while she decided to do what was right by her heart, she would find a way to bring the old man back to life just to kill him. Keeping her eyes closed, she descended further into the Force.
“Ben.”
She could feel Skywalker's disapproval reach out to her and brushed it aside. Instead, she focused her energy on the frayed string that attached her soul to Ben's– That part that felt like home, the part that drove her to be more than just the Resistance's Jedi.
She was more than that.
She was once a nobody, but everything to Ben, and she knows now what has been missing for her ever since she left Exegol. The feeling of belonging, of being loved by her soulmate was so much better than being a sacramental symbol for the Resistance.
As she descended further and further into the Force, seconds passed to minutes, minutes to hours, her energy slowly depleting until finally she felt his warm presence in her mind, his full Force signature too, and she felt his heartbeat with hers again.
“Ben?”
“Rey, you shouldn't.” Ben's voice was a distant and broken whisper.
Kriff that. The only thing she wanted in life was a family. Kylo had offered his hand… but she’d wanted to take Ben Solo's hand. She refused to stand by him when he’d posed as Kylo Ren.
Violent lightning suddenly cracked through her meditation. Rey opened her eyes, and a blue hue caught her attention. Suddenly, it felt as if she were falling through Exegol itself, and yet she remained seated. She recognized the star-filled pathways and multiple doors around her from the Jedi texts pages covering the World Between Worlds. Her body felt colder, yet her mind remained peaceful and calm. Despite the multiple pathways, Rey could feel a distinct pull on her soul... as though the thread of fate beckoned her. She turned to her right and walked a path, and when she felt another tug, Rey began to run.
Then, in the distance, between one breath and the next, he was there. His back turned to her as he sat on the floor. His curtain of hair brushed against his slightly hunched shoulders.
He turned his body when he sensed her. His beautiful amber eyes widened in surprise as he realized she was here. He clenched and unclenched his hands as she walked toward him. His eyebrows dipped in confusion by the time she stopped in front of him.
“Rey?” Ben whispered. His lips started to turn upward into a hint of a smile, but then his eyes filled with sorrow, and he shook his head.
Rey merely placed her finger on his lips. She refused to hear what he had to say. Through their deep connection, she could feel his whirlwind of emotions. He was happy, excited, even to see her. But she could also feel his unease, his worry. At first, she felt his fear that she had died and then his relief that she was very much alive. She could feel his guilt for all his crimes, his mourning the loss of his mother, and she could sense that he believed it was his fate to remain trapped in the World Between Worlds. That this terrible, lonely space was his punishment.
Rey had already decided there was no room for discussion. For someone who told her to let go of her past, Rey could feel Ben was stuck. It was only natural that he was in this mindset while trapped in the space between death and life. She grabbed his hand and pulled with every ounce of determination, and there was a shock through her arm before she lost consciousness.
~~~
When Rey next opened her eyes, her vision was blurry. But from the cracked and broken ceiling above, the dirt and gravel beneath her body, the stale stench of rot and decay, and the warm hand entwined with hers, she knew she’d succeeded. They were back on Exegol. Her heart raced and adrenaline pulsated throughout her body.
Rey blinked several times to calm herself as she sat up to see him lying there next to her. Her Ben, her soulmate, was alive and breathing beside her. She watched as he slowly opened his beautiful amber eyes. He sat up with a startled breath, and she observed how his pale, toned arm flexed as he instinctively reached for his absent lightsaber. It was only in that moment that Rey realized that Ben was naked– that he didn’t magically reappear in the pants and boots lying on the floor under him.
“Oh!” Rey gasped and her jaw dropped from shock. “You’re…” She quickly turned her head before she saw anything more. “I’m so sorry.” Rey didn’t know why she was apologizing. It wasn’t like she didn’t ask for him to be naked– just alive. She shyly offered Ben his war-torn shirt while keeping her eyes averted.
“There’s no need to apologize.” Ben murmured. He sounded exhausted. Rey could only imagine how bringing his body and soul back from the World Between Worlds had affected him.
Rey couldn’t think of anything to say as she listened to the distinct rustling of clothing as Ben dressed. She could feel her cheeks warm with heat while butterflies danced in her stomach, and she felt anxious. This is what she wanted; what was there to be nervous about?
“Well,” Ben’s low, deep voice went straight into her core. “It’s not a cowl, but it will do.” The humor in his low voice gave Rey immediate relief from her anxiety.
Rey felt him grasp her hand, and she slowly stood. Ben was peering at the destruction surrounding them. His breaths were careful and slow. Rey noticed he was favoring one foot over the other. He’d returned as he’d left, his body battered from their fight with Palpatine.
“Is this…” Ben studied the fallen ruins of the cathedral before finding her eyes. “Rey.” His voice sounded like a soft prayer.
The deep tenor made her heart skip; even more so when his strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her into a warm embrace. Without hesitatation, Rey sank into his arms. He nuzzled into the crook of her neck and the way his skin and hair felt against hers was like a dream. Rey smiled as she held his warm body against hers. This simple action was everything she’d wanted that night on the Supremacy.
They clung to each other, as if afraid that one wrong move would whisk Ben away to the World Between Worlds again. Soon, their breaths were in synch, and Rey’s racing heart slowed as she was filled with contentment.
“I’m afraid to move.” She finally confessed with a whisper, knowing only the dead and Ben would hear her.
Ben’s body rumbled with a small, inaudible chuckle. “Yeah, me too.” But he finally pulled away after a final light squeeze and softly cupped Rey’s face. “I don't understand. I shouldn't–”
“We'll talk about that later.” Rey softly assured, bringing her free hand to his. “Just know you're coming home with me.”
“Home…” The way that simple word rolled off his tongue made it sound like home was something foreign and unknown, and given Ben’s past, she supposed he would feel that way. He sucked in a short breath and his eyes widened. “The Resistance–”
“It isn’t my home.” Rey gently squeezed his hand to reassure him. “We’re not going back to the Resistance.” She had made up her mind: The Resistance was not safe, not yet at least. Perhaps one day she could contact someone– Chewie or maybe even Rose.
“But–”
“Again, we’ll talk about it later. I have plenty of rations and a place to hide for a few days while we devise a plan.”
“We?”
“Yes,” Rey smirked. “We. Who else would I be talking about?” She softly sighed. “I know I’m being impulsive–”
“You? Impulsive?” Ben quipped with an arched brow. “The woman who shipped herself from Force knows where to the Supremacy, all wrapped up in an old, beaten-up escape pod for me.”
Rey felt her cheeks heat and she bit her lip. “Fair point. I had my reasons…” The soft chuckle that emanated from Ben only made Rey smile. “I’m just saying, I’ll need you to trust me.”
“No matter how impulsive you act, I’ll always trust you.”
In that moment, Rey forgot how to breathe. She could feel fresh tears. Her smile quivered, and her heart swelled. He was here. He trusted her. She knew she was safe with him. She couldn’t even trust her friends with her darkest secrets; Ben was the only one she could trust.
“Even though I stabbed you?” Rey half-joked.
“Yes.”
“You have poor judgment, Ben.” She laughed.
“We both know this.”
Her cheeks ached from grinning for so long. Rey couldn’t remember the last time she felt this happy or relieved… Aside from when she woke in Ben’s arms… after he’d revived her. The moments leading up to her first kiss and the seconds after had been the happiest Rey had ever felt… and then he’d collapsed after one devastating smile.
He must have sensed her reliving that moment. His warm eyes were soft, nearly resembling his expression after their kiss, but this time, he wasn’t pale, and he wasn’t dying, and she wanted to kiss him again, but she was afraid that if she kissed him again, the Force would rip him away from her again. Instead, she took his hand and led him toward the passage out of the cathedral.
“We should get a move on.” Rey said. After a few steps, she noticed the way he limped as they moved across the broken floor. “I have some bacta in the ship to help your wounds, but I have a feeling you won’t use it.”
“Wounds? What wounds? I’m fine.” He replied with a small smirk. With that grin and the sparkle in his eyes, she sensed he knew what it meant for her to help him. But the man was stubborn, much like his parents.
“Ben.”
“I’ll probably feel them later. It’s nothing to fret about.”
~~~
As Ben hobbled along beside Rey, trying to convince her that his wounds were not that bad, he felt a sudden warmth throughout his ribcage and abdomen. Ben stopped short and took her shoulders.
“Rey, stop–” Ben protested. “Please don’t waste your precious life Force on me again.” His whiskey-colored eyes pleaded with her as he straightened and crossed his arms. “You’ve squandered enough of your time saving me.”
“No. You stop.” Rey was acting stubborn. He needed her to listen. Ben watched as she cocked her head and frowned. "Why don’t you want me to help you?
“You should conserve your energy and your life Force.” Ben calmly stated.
“Why?”
Why did she seem confused? Or had she forgotten what happened the last time?
“Because of the way it weakened you last time. Rey,” he faltered. "...you died after you defeated Palpatine! If you hadn’t wasted your energy on me on Kef Bir--"
“The last time was several months ago, Ben.” Her beautiful, hazel eyes filled with tears, making his heart lurch. He’s made her cry again. That’s all he ever seemed to do.
“You have been gone for so long.” Her sweet voice pulled him out of his spiraling thoughts. “Your injuries are significant. Let me help you. It’s not a waste of my energy. Not with you.”
His mind was still hazy as he felt the truth of her words in the Force. After a lifetime of feeling like disposable garbage, his heart hammered as he became aware that she didn’t view him as such. In her lovely eyes and beautiful soul, she truly didn’t believe that she’d be wasting her life force on him. She’d always been wonderful like that. She always presumed that anyone, any creature, she helped was worthwhile, which is why Ben had never believed himself worthy of her. And as tears trickled past her lashes and down her beautiful face, he felt unsure about what to say and fell back on the Solo Sarcasm.
“Why do I feel like you’ll knock me out and heal me anyway if I say no?”
Rey narrowed her eyes at him and continued to channel her healing energy through Ben’s battered body. “Because you know me so well, just like I know you.” Rey smugly smiled. “You’re worth it, so shut up.”
She was fiercely beautiful in her determination. Her fighting spirit had always been unwavering, and Ben found himself unable to argue. Instead, he nodded and grudgingly let her continue, even though he was already worried for her, not just over the energy she was using to heal him, but about her decision and the actions that brought them here today. As his body healed, his mind filled with questions. What will her friends think? What will they do if they discover that she’s brought him back to life? Ben Solo knew that he would face the charges waiting for him and carry out his sentence--providing they wouldn't punish Rey. He found himself hoping her friends could trust her… though he is sure that Rey’s choices are very questionable.
~~~
After Rey was content with her work, they continued to walk through the old Sith Cathedral. Ben could no longer feel the dark presence that it once held, and he sighed with relief. She turned to him with a soft, tired smile. She’s overdone it but is too stubborn to admit it. Sweet Rey.
As they neared the surface, Ben’s heart rate spiked when he realized that Rey had more than likely flown to Exegol in the Falcon. With Chewie. The bands around his heart that had loosened drew tight once again.
On one hand, he knew that he needed to face his uncle because of his treacherous actions. On the other hand, he’s not certain that the Wookiee won’t strangle him. Or tell him what a failure of a pup he is. Or that his uncle thinks he would be better off dead.
Rey’s fingers wrapped around his hand and pulled Ben from his dark thoughts. He had momentarily forgotten how connected they were and contemplated rebuilding his walls to protect her from feeling or hearing his thoughts. She wasn’t actively reading his mind, but he would explain himself if she asked why he’d closed himself off.
Closing his side of the bond would be best. She doesn’t need to know how pathetic his mind is.
~~~
To Ben’s surprise, when they exited the desolated cathedral, the only ship there was an X-Wing, and the dread he felt lifted. And suddenly, Ben longed to talk to Chewie, to let him tear him a new one, but he was relieved that that conversation would wait for another day.
“An X-Wing?” Ben asked skeptically. He looked at the ship again. It could be a two-seater with a gunner in the back. Who knows what kind of enhancements the Rebels made during the war with the First Order.
“It will be a tight fit,” Rey replied while looking at the ship. “It’s not as spacious as your TIE.”
“Speaking of, where is the Whisper?”
“You’ll see,” Rey replied hesitantly. Ben couldn’t help but notice her feelings of guilt through the Force.
“Would you mind if I check the ship for trackers?”
“Go ahead,” she waved her hand. “But I doubt you’ll find any. Most of ours are outdated, unlike those of the Empire.”
“Forgive me. I’ve learned to be extra cautious,” Ben grunted and started thoroughly examining the ship.
“Can’t say I blame you. I’m sure Snoke had you on a tight leash.”
Snoke.
The very name was enough to send a terrible chill down Ben’s spine as his mind raced through all the times that Snoke punished him for his endless “failures.”
“Yeah…”
Ben sensed through the Force that Rey wanted to ask more, but stopped herself. She’d stated that they would talk later, and he would leave it at that. He doesn’t know what her plan is, but with luck, they will have enough time to say what they need to and have the difficult conversations. He also needed to find the right time to tell her that if it weren’t for her, his soul would have been lost forever. He could only pray that when he confesses his true feelings of love for Rey, he won't scare her away. The churning emotion he felt for her deepened with each passing moment. Even if the Force hadn’t connected them, Ben knew with his entire being that they were soulmates. His heart aches for her because she truly deserves better than to be linked with a wretched soul like him.
But the love he feels for her cannot be confessed in the moment. They need to move forward and recuperate.
He snapped out of his thoughts when he noticed her curious face. He knew that she was worried because he blocked his thoughts from her. He nodded at her, and a small smile tugged at his lips when she beamed at him.
“All clear?” She asks.
“All clear.”
“Perfect! Well, let’s leave this awful planet!” She bounced on the balls of her feet she made her way to the side of the X-wing.
Her excitement is contagious. Ben felt that he could jump with joy like she did. And when she gestured for him to climb into the X-Wing first, his heart skipped a beat when he realized that Rey would be sitting on his lap.
“It’s not the time for those thoughts.” He reminded himself.
“The only way you’re getting to Exegol is with me.” Ben recalled telling Rey before he crushed the Wayfinder. Not the wisest decision. And he certainly wasn’t thinking of how she would sit on his lap in the Whisper, but now…
“Ben?”
His head snapped in her direction, and he saw her eyes were wide with wonder again. Did he think too loud?
Kriff, why is he like this?
“The sooner we get seated, the sooner we can leave.” She smirked at him.
“Right.” Ben nodded. “Are you sure there’s enough space? Is it a two-seater?”
Rey cracked another smile and laughed. “It’s just one seat, but we’ll manage.”
“There’s only one seat?”