Chapter Text
Each step down the staircase is a step towards the living room.
Silent prayers are sent to the God who has never answered his prayers.
In an ideal scenario, the ring would be hidden between sofa cushions, and in a moment alone, he could slide it into a hiding spot until he could hide it somewhere better.
But the world has never been kind to Izzy, and he’s nearly certain that if he hasn’t already found it, the moment Lucius does find the ring, he’ll be looking for a new home, ready to leave everything they’ve built together.
It’s no flaw of Lucius’ character, but he’s endured more than his fair share of hurt in relationships, and Izzy had always promised to be better than Pete.
He’s reneged on that promise in an act of selfishness, foolishly creating the hope of proposing when the world won’t allow him such wealth.
As he stops at the bottom of the stairs, he catches his reflection in the mirror. The low lamp lighting highlights the bags under his eyes and the soft curve of his waist. He once worked hard to create muscles, building confidence in a physique that would leave most jealous.
But with Lucius, he let himself go, becoming more confident in the person he has become. He’s happier with the soft swell made by a diet of as much takeout and movie nights as healthy dinners and morning runs.
Dating after Lucius is going to be impossible.
He’s given everything to Lucius, his heart and soul thoroughly captured by the other two residents of his home. To lose that would crush him.
He could delay the conversation for another day – he could turn on his heel, go back up the stairs, and lie on the bed, feigning sleep until Lucius clambers into the bed, blissfully unaware of the war in his boyfriend’s mind.
But to do so, he wouldn’t sleep.
It would be a fitful night, caught in his thoughts, and he wouldn’t rest.
Or Lucius would take the silence as a sign of their separation.
Either outcome will cause unimaginable pain to their small family. At least if he talks to Lucius, he can explain his side of things and provide justifications before Lucius leaves him.
A shaky breath escapes him, and he looks at his reflection again. Like this, he doesn’t recognise the man before him; it’s haunting.
But he can’t carry on while he feels like this.
It’s now or never.
The next step is the hardest, but as he approaches the living room door, he tries to recall every good memory, everything that gave him the confidence he needed. It was only a short time ago that he was ready to ask – his mind has been back and forth as he’s tried to process what he’s feeling.
He’s certain that he’s ready to propose, but to do so would risk everything.
And now that he can’t find the ring…
The noise in his mind is almost overwhelming, and he silences it as he enters the living room, gaze landing on the television. It’s still paused on the movie, his favourite movie of all time, and he adores the scene.
If he could explain to Lucius how that scene comes close to explaining how he feels, he would. But he’s always struggled with words, unfathomably unable to speak about his emotions in a manner that’s not nonsensical rambling.
My home is here with him…
He slowly turns to Lucius, not quite looking at Lucius, but in his general direction. He doesn’t notice it at first.
He doesn’t see the way Lucius is staring at his palm.
But as he closes the door, his gaze lands on the item in Lucius’ palm, and his heart sinks.
The ring…
“Luce,” Izzy breathes, gripping the doorknob as the ground beneath his feet becomes unsteady, “Where, um, where did you get that?”
His voice is weak, he doesn’t sound familiar to himself, and as he stumbles forward, his boyfriend is looking back at him through tear-filled eyes.
“I could ask you the same thing,” Lucius responds, a weak chuckle to hide his anxiety.
“Fuck,” Izzy closes his eyes and shakes his head, dragging his palm along his face, “Okay, um, one second.”
He’s never been so nervous, and despite knowing Lucius, it’s easier to put a few inches between them, too nervous to be side by side. He lifts a few of the bags and perches on the edge of one of the armchairs, arms folded in his lap.
Lucius would never hurt him; he would never lash out, but it’s still terrifying his core to sit by Lucius’ side.
“It was my grandmother’s,” Izzy confesses, wringing his hands together, “When she died a few years back, and I said they left nothing… it wasn’t strictly true. There was one thing… two actually…”
He’s staring intently at the floor, but his eyes flicker upwards momentarily to meet Lucius’ eyes.
Brown eyes are staring back at him; he can see the realisation covering Lucius’ expression as things fall into place.
“I um, I’ve had it for… three years now, I think,” Izzy tries to do the mental math, calculating how long it took for him to argue with his family over the only thing he wanted from his grandmother’s estate, one of the only things he was left.
“The house is officially mine, but I um, I told them to just buy me out. Keeping it brought trouble…” he adds, and shrugs, “It’s why it was easier to afford for you to stay out of work. I’ve got that money put aside…”
There’s something inherently wrong about keeping such a secret for as long as he has, but there’s so much more to the circumstances than just keeping the secret. He didn’t keep it by choice; it was a secret kept out of an inherent fear of how their lives would change.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Lucius asks quietly.
He’s not hurting, he’s not that surprised, truthfully, but he wishes he could understand why Izzy chose to keep it a secret.
“We had everything going on in the adoption,” Izzy confesses, “I wasn’t in a great place, dealing with the death, the um, the adoption, facing a lot of my past. And then that happened a week or so before we had the letter that she was coming to stay, and everything I’d planned to do – telling you about the money, the ring, dealing with the estate, it all just… went. We were so caught up in the highs of the adoption that I forgot the way my family had made me feel…”
He bites his lip momentarily before adding, “I’d planned to tell you. I was going to tell you, honest. It was the first thing I wanted to do, but then things just didn’t align. I’ve kept it in savings for when she’s older.”
“We could’ve used that money for our mortgage, Iz,” Lucius’ voice is a little lower, “There have been so many things we need money for, and you’ve just…”
“I’ve already paid towards the mortgage,” Izzy quickly answers, “I’ve paid eighty percent of ours off, and with the deposit, we’ve only got a couple of years of payments left. Lu, I’m sorry – I just, I didn’t think. Everything was too much, I was running on empty, and then we had our daughter, and we had our life. And she’s the best thing to ever happen to me, to us, and everything I had worried about was just gone. I couldn’t think about what I’d gone through, and I didn’t think about my family either. All I could think about was the life we were going to live together. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It wasn’t my intention, and I know you’re upset; I don’t blame you. Fuck, I’d be annoyed with myself.”
“A-and the ring?” Lucius asks, looking down at the item in his hand again, “How did our daughter end up with it?”
She had it?
“I was going to propose tonight,” Izzy confesses, “I’ve been wanting to for so long, I‘ve been waiting for the right time. I thought it had slipped out of my pocket in here, but it must’ve, I don’t know, maybe when I was seeing to her at some point…”
Racking his brains, he can’t recall a moment she could’ve slipped it from his pocket, and she’s not the kind of child to steal. She’s never crept around their house and raided drawers; it’s far beyond anything that he could imagine her doing.
A few moments pass, and panic strikes his spine as he realises what he’s confessed.
“But Luce, it’s okay. What you said, I mean, I, I know you don’t want a ring like that, I know you don’t want to marry, it’s fine. I’ll figure something out, honestly,” he rambles, “I know Pete hurt you, and I’m trying to be better than he was, but I just want to give you everything you deserve, and selfishly, I want to keep you for myself. But…”
As their eyes meet, his voice falters. Tears are streaming down Lucius’ cheeks, and he drops from the chair to his knees, crawling the short distance to kneel in front of Izzy, palms resting on Izzy’s knees.
“Iz… you’re a fool,” Lucius whispers. Before Izzy can say anything, their lips meet in a gentle kiss, “It’s not about the ring, I don’t care. It could be a cock ring for all I care… but Iz, what I care about…”
Lucius wets his lip and strokes his thumb over Izzy’s cheek, “What I care about is the person. With Pete, it wasn’t about the ring; it wasn’t about a price tag. Pete’s problem was his lies…”
Izzy slowly nods and scrubs his palms over his eyes in a futile attempt to hide his tears from Lucius’ care-filled eyes.
“He told me that it was his grandmother’s ring, he told me she’d died and that she’d begged him to give it to a true love,” Lucius begins, and after a moment, he groans quietly, lifting himself upright. It feels wrong to be looming over his boyfriend, but the ache in his spine is too severe to stay on his knees.
“When he took it back, I didn’t question it, there were excuses… but then,” Lucius wets his lips and holds a hand towards Izzy, nodding towards the sofa, “He um…”
Fingers interlaced, and Lucius guides his boyfriend towards the settee, “I saw his grandmother a few days later. At first, I thought I was hallucinating… but then she spoke to me. And I learned the truth…”
Izzy nods, settling close to Lucius on the seat. Warmth surrounds him as they lean against each other.
“She told me that Pete had stolen it from his aunt, that they only realised who had taken it when they saw me with it, but they didn’t know if it was him or me who took it,” Lucius explains, “I was stunned…”
Oh…
“I didn’t care that the ring came from family – I’m a sentimental, cheesy sap, you know that. If someone gives me something that’s got a history, like when he said it was from his grandmother and she wanted true love, I was overwhelmed and emotional. I’m a sap, but Iz,” Lucius squeezes Izzy’s hand, gently placing the ring in the man’s palm, “I care about the truth.”
Izzy nods, his fist clenching around the ring as he lets the metal warm in his palm.
“I couldn’t care less about the ring – as I said, a ring pop, or one of them plastic ones that come in so many party bags, those would be more than enough for me, those would make me the happiest man in the world – because you gave me it,” Lucius adds, “I don’t even need a ring. Our bond is for us; we don’t need to justify ourselves to anybody else.”
Izzy slowly nods again, his eyes closed as he leans into Lucius’ warmth, “I… I can’t afford another ring, not without taking from her future…”
Lucius says nothing and slowly caresses Izzy’s cheek, “What did I say, Iz… Our bond is for us. We don’t need big diamond rings or elaborate proposals…”
Izzy slowly nods, letting out a ragged breath as he leans against Lucius’ shoulder.
“It’s okay, Iz,” Lucius presses his lips to the top of Izzy’s head, “There’s no rush, it’s just us. Only us and our daughter, we’re the only ones important in our family, and it’s when we are ready, okay? That means me and you…”
Izzy slowly nods again, his hand trembling as he reaches for a bottle of water, abandoned from earlier in the day. There’s little water in it, but enough to quench the thirst triggered by his nerves.
A few moments of steady breathing give him the comfort to reach for the television control. He can’t quite voice the words yet, too discomforted to face it, but there’s another way he can tell Lucius how he feels.