Chapter Text
The weeks went on, and Raphael was the perfect boyfriend. At least, under any other circumstances that would be the case. To any outsider looking in they would have envied the way he treated you, he was on his best behavior, one might say a gem. And had this been a few months prior you would feel the same. But it wasn't.
The past was in the past you would tell yourself, but that didn't stop the memories from hurting. But you were determined to make things work, you had to, no matter how long. You had found a family with the turtles, and you were not willing to let that go. You couldn't.
There were moments when you thought maybe it would be better for you to leave, but you remembered how much you needed them in your life. Those months not talking to them had been one of the darkest times in your life, and seeing them again reaffirmed your suspicion that you needed them just as much as they needed you.
You sat on your couch watching TV with Raphael, tonight had been one of the first nights you were alone together. Up until this point you had made an effort that someone else was always around, you didn't want to hurt his feelings but you just needed the support of another person around. Someone to take your mind off your thoughts. But tonight you didn't have that safety cushion, and you felt vulnerable.
Raph shifted his body and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, he tensed up as he felt you stiffen and shift. You stood up and walked to the kitchen hoping he didn't notice.
"What are ya doing?" He said clearing his throat.
He noticed.
"Just thought some popcorn be good." You made up, as you dug in the cabinet.
"Yeah?" He said watching you carefully.
"Yeah." You said quietly.
"I think that's a good idea" he said standing up and walking over to where you were.
He stood there and watched you as you continued to look in the cabinet. He cleared his throat, and you looked over your shoulder at him.
"Do ya need some help looking?" He questioned with a smirk.
"No. but thank you." you said looking back into the cabinet.
"Oh..okay." He said as his smile faded.
"Do ya...do ya mind if I grab a soda? " he said motioning to the fridge.
"Of course you can." You said with a sweet smile.
Raph grabbed a drink from the fridge and took a sip, he sat the can down and then leaned against the counter watching you still digging through the cabinet. You could feel his eyes on you and you let out a sigh of frustration as you threw some cookies around.
"Y/n..." he said gently
"I can't find the damn popcorn!" You whimper ignoring him
"Y/n." He said placing a hand on yours to stop you from looking.
You froze. You could feel his breath on your neck, you turned around slowly to be met by his intense gaze. The closeness felt both familiar, and foreign all at the same time. He gently brushed the hair from your face causing you to shudder. He slowly placed his forehead to yours, and you closed your eyes. He let out a trembling breath, and you placed your hand on his carapace. His fingers brushed lightly against the skin of your neck giving you goosebumps. You could feel each others breath, Your lips were mere centimeters apart.
"Raphael-" you whispered as a tear fell down your cheek.
You felt him stiffen and step back slowly. You covered your mouth with your hand and looked to the ground, unable to face him.
"I just.. I can't... " you slid down to the ground hiding your face in your knees.
You heard him let out a sigh then sit down beside you. You both sat there in silence.
"I thought you said ya forgive me?" He said sadly.
"I do forgive you Raphael." you said looking up at to him
"Then why-" he said confused
"Raph... it's not that simple." You said looking back at your lap.
"I thought you wanted to work it out." He said shifting where he sat.
"I do." You said sniffling
" What do you want from me y/n?" He said getting frustrated.
"I'm trying Raphael!" You yelled.
"So am I!" He growled.
"I'm trying.." you said as the tears began to flow. His frustration quickly faded as he watched you.
"Babe.." he said reaching out his hand but then retracting it.
"Every time I close my eyes..." you paused and took a deep breath closing your eyes.
"I see you and her." You whispered.
Raphael looked away feeling the shame flood over him. You sighed and rested your head back against counter, wiping your nose.
"I don't know how to fix what I did." He said looking at you with sad eyes.
"I know.." you said softly.
"Then what do you want from me y/n?" He said sounding defeated.
You stayed silent as the tears began to fill your eyes once more. He sighed and stood up.
"What do you need from me?" He said looking down at his feet.
"I need you... to not give up on me. I need you to fight for me Raphael. But right now... I just... I need more time..." You said squeezing your eyes tight.
He nodded slowly, then walked over to the window and stopped.
"I will never stop fighting for you." He said looking over his shoulder.
Then he was gone.
Letting out a deep breath, You wiped the tears that stained your face. You sat on your kitchen floor holding your knees feeling drained. You closed your eyes as fresh tears slid down to your chin.
"If you love me don't let go." You whispered.