SpoonerizeSwiftness (SplickedyHat)
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Recent works
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Relationships and Culture In Locusta Astralis (A Field Study) by SpoonerizeSwiftness (SplickedyHat)
Fandoms: Homestuck
13 Mar 2025
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Summary
“So,” Jade says, marching on ahead with her list like a determined little artilleripper, tapping at her papers. “The…Dark Carnival.” She sounds it out every part one after the other, ‘fatal-funny cullpit of the messiahs’, like how a corpse dismembered and all laid out turns into pieces instead of a whole troll.
“Dark Carnival,” you say, putting the corpse back together to show her, fast and fluid how it’s supposed to flow.
“Dark Carnival,” Jade repeats after you, choking just a little on the shift of chirr into click. “Okay! Say me what does that mean?”
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A diplomatic voyage of xenosociological discovery and awkward flirting takes place in Karkat's shitty living room, heavily backdropped by only the finest of cross-species anatomy textbooks, shitty Alternian cocktails, and schlocky Alternian romance movies.Series
- Part 3 of Aliens Sure Are Weird
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Summary
When you've pictured hunting Gamzee down in this new world and kicking his scrawny ass, somehow you've always imagined it in some ill-gotten highblood megahive somewhere. That you'd find him living in squalorous luxury like any entitled highblood on Alternia, scheming and plotting.
The picture you got sent is of a flat gray beach, no hive in sight. Just a blurry figure with a mane of wild hair and curving horns, half-hidden behind a rock in front of an angry, stone-grey ocean. And now, all of a sudden, the word feral is back in your thinkpan and it won't come out.
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all my demons trapped behind a dam by SplickedyHat, SpoonerizeSwiftness (SplickedyHat)
Fandoms: Eyeshield 21
24 Jul 2024
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Summary
“What,” says Unsui, and is keenly, painfully aware that whatever stoic expression his face might have locked itself into in his shock, his cheeks are damningly warm. One part of his mind demands, do something, his plan is working, you’re losing! The other part says, your first kiss was a cackling bastard of a man, because he thought it would make you more likely to lose to him at football.
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Kongo Unsui gets kissed by a man. He's proud to say his performance as a quarterback doesn't suffer at all, in the...extensive aftermath.
Hiruma Youichi makes a move, and then does what he does best, which is scramble like a motherfucker and improvise an offense from scratch.
Anezaki Mamori analyzes the situation, and politely intervenes.
Kongo Agon has a goddamn crisis. -
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Summary
==> Gamzee: How the fuck did you end up in the Conciliatrium of His Triumphant Ascendance?
Motherfucker that is exactly what you headed out today to find out.
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(An imported Choose Your Own Adventure from my pale porn tumblr, compiled here for ease of browsing) -
Lost And Found (In Translation) by SpoonerizeSwiftness (SplickedyHat)
Fandoms: Homestuck
30 Aug 2023
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Summary
“Guys, hey, come on,” Jade says. “Troll language is much more specific about stuff like this, when he says stabbed he could mean something different! Karkat,” she switches to Alternian, bending her human vocal structures in painful-sounding ways but still doing a much better job than Dave, all things considered. “Stabbed, stabbed, or stabbed?”
You know you didn’t teach her the distinction between “poke hard with a non-strife-allocated object”, “stab lightly to show somebody not to fuck with you”, and “impale to kill”. Humans don’t even have that distinction. It’s a fucking miracle they get anything done.
“…Stabbed,” you say, carefully enunciating like a fucking liar.
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It's always awkward when the boyfriend meets the friend group; the boyfriend's boyfriend inviting himself along can only make it worse. Unless, of course, you're an amateur xenobiologist, sociologist, and linguist. Then it's just extra data!Series
- Part 2 of Aliens Sure Are Weird
Recent series
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Officer Present//Director Absent by SplickedyHat, SpoonerizeSwiftness (SplickedyHat)
Fandom: Motorcity
23 Jun 2018
- Words:
- 294,235
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 25
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Aliens Sure Are Weird by SplickedyHat, SpoonerizeSwiftness (SplickedyHat)
Fandom: Homestuck
13 Mar 2025
Summary
A series of speculative fics in a universe where Feferi took over the empire and stopped invading civilizations just before the invasion of Earth, leaving humans and trolls to awkwardly figure each other out. Man, trolls (and humans) sure are weird.
- Words:
- 40,857
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 94
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EXCLUSIVE: scandal of the SWEEP!! Pale porn stars IN LOVE??! by SpoonerizeSwiftness (SplickedyHat)
Fandom: Homestuck
25 Mar 2015
- Words:
- 37,717
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 221
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Summary
The Sufferer’s coup was a resounding failure. The Summoner’s, through freak chance, was a bloody and hard-won success. Hemo-discrimination is illegal, now, but old grudges die hard and the higher your blood the worse your chances of making it in the world. The classes that used to be ‘highbloods’ often fall through the cracks, and find work wherever they can get it.
A story about a "concupiscent hire" walking Alternian streets under the rule of his Imperial Humility, the upheaval of an empire, and the whims of pure serendipity. (tumblr tag: A Heavy Heart>
- Words:
- 87,047
- Works:
- 7
- Bookmarks:
- 385
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Splickedydrabbles: The Tumblr Request Collection by SpoonerizeSwiftness (SplickedyHat)
Fandom: Homestuck
08 Sep 2013
- Words:
- 5,026
- Works:
- 6
- Bookmarks:
- 2
Recent bookmarks
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Taking Care by SerotoninShift for BirchBow (chaoticTenebrism)
Fandoms: Motorcity (Cartoon)
19 Jun 2019
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Summary
Chuck gets a cold, and gets taken care of.