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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Crowley treats his love to some soft, relaxing teasing touches. Undoubtedly the softest, sweetest, most caring smut I have ever written.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,959
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    30
    Kudos:
    199
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    2,687
  2. Tags
    Summary

    I like to imagine that if Crowley ever wrote poetry for his angel, to keep him safe, Crowley would write it, read it, and then consign it to the flames so no one else could ever read it. But he’d always know he’d done it. But after they became their own side? Who knows what he’d do with his words.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    260
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    35
    Kudos:
    102
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    1,061
  3. Tags
    Summary

    There’s a family of gardeners who grow and sell plants and flowers, specialising in roses. For generations, a curious redheaded gentleman (and presumably his descendants) have been visiting and buying rose bushes from them, and having them collect and cultivate certain types of rose, and even to custom grow a special variety for him. He whisks the roses away somewhere and no one ever knows where.

    Then one day, Aziraphale finds out…

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,958
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    50
    Kudos:
    278
    Bookmarks:
    28
    Hits:
    2,014
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Crowley has a longstanding aversion to chocolate, and blames it squarely on Aziraphale. Perhaps he just needed sufficient motivation to appreciate it properly, that and a few thousand years of product development from the humans. Trust me, it’s worth it for the ending ;)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,396
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    42
    Kudos:
    199
    Bookmarks:
    18
    Hits:
    1,963
  5. Tags
    Summary

    A certain time of year could be problematic for Crowley…

    Because the last thing he’d been expecting when he wandered into the shopping centre was to come face to face with a dragon.
    .......

    Some ineffable husbands bickering, mostly.
    A gift to theycallmeDernhelm for the fic prompt on twitter.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    979
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    70
    Kudos:
    223
    Bookmarks:
    27
    Hits:
    1,363
  6. Tags
    Summary

    So, another crack!fic of comedy porn was demanded for the “Throat-Spackling Twunts and Other Nonsense” collection (& discord server), On one of the NSFW Good Omens facebook groups, a post was shared which went:

    “Do ya pu$$y ever randomly get wet and you’re just like ???? what is it girl??? What do you see???”

    The comment was “I saw this and it made me think about if Aziraphale decided to have a vulva but didn’t really think too much about how they work and he just gets wet when he sees Crowley and either (a) freaks the fuck out or (b) asks Crowley what the deal is and Crowley chokes on air, and now I’m just giggling like a nut.”

    So I was dared to write a crack version.
    This is absolutely not meant to be taken seriously. Somehow the “Not on the plants, dear, we’re British” fic led to this nonsense. I’m not even sorry any more, I’m going to hell anyway. See you filthy buggers down there. *Raises glass*.

    NEW! JuliaJekyll has done a PODFIC go and have a listen!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,943
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    174
    Kudos:
    825
    Bookmarks:
    135
    Hits:
    6,692
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Crowley has a sad/angry wank and takes out his frustration on his plants. Literally.
    (I dunno, I struggled to find a title for this pile of excrement.)
    A drunken ExMarks very kindly did a youtube reading of my atrocious fic, enjoy, I did!

    JuliaJekyll *ALSO* did a PODFIC

    Miel_Petite illustrated my chaotic comedy nonsense, NSFW illustration at the end of the fic.
    FYI the title came from "No sex please, we're British", an obscure old comedy.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,432
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    295
    Kudos:
    470
    Bookmarks:
    59
    Hits:
    6,266
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Crowley loves his angel, and makes him a little packed lunch every day for work at the bookshop...

    Inspired by a meme posted in the "Ineffable Husbands" facebook group: "I make my husband a sandwich every day for work. Once, I jokingly kissed it to show him I made it "with love". But then for some reason it stuck, and that just became the habit. Make sandwich, give it a little smooch, put it into baggie. Except when I'm mad at him. Then that sandwich isn't made with love. It gets no kiss. Yeah, enjoy that sandwich, jerkface, I hope it tastes like despair."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,826
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    61
    Kudos:
    408
    Bookmarks:
    53
    Hits:
    2,542
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Crowley has a present for his angel, and it's going to get messy. Dom Crowley, Sub Aziraphale. Crowley wants his angel to wear a vulva today, and is going to do interesting things to it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,317
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    54
    Kudos:
    637
    Bookmarks:
    111
    Hits:
    12,603
  10. Tags
    Summary

    The Late Great Sir Terry Pratchett often expounded on the complexities of L-Space linking time, space and universes, and oft described bookshops exactly like Aziraphale's as being a conduit or portal to access it. Aziraphale encounters unexpected guests, and Crowley has a guilty secret about certain shenanigans.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,941
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    179
    Kudos:
    349
    Bookmarks:
    44
    Hits:
    3,549
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Comedy: Aziraphale has an embarrassing little problem when he gets angry.
    Inspired by a funny post and requested on the "ineffable husbands" facebook group.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,557
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    107
    Kudos:
    1,020
    Bookmarks:
    106
    Hits:
    5,939
  12. Tags
    Summary

    In the weeks after Armageddon't, an inept fallen angel and a concientious objector principality are at a loss of what to do with themselves, and feeling uneasy... Includes soft loving moments, but takes a hard turn into a rampage into Hell, with Aziraphale going full-on Cherubim warrior with lots of smiting and holy wrath.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    29,891
    Chapters:
    14/14
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    130
    Kudos:
    168
    Bookmarks:
    38
    Hits:
    4,657

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