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It’s been a couple of days since his conversation with Nat and Steve still hadn’t heard anything from Bucky. He knew it would take a while for Bucky to talk to him but every minute hurt more than the last without Bucky. Sam tried his best to cheer him up but nothing really worked. He even organised an evening with Tony, Bruce, and Rhodey so they could talk about Tony’s wedding planning and his bachelor party. Steve was incredibly happy for Tony but all he could think of was Bucky. The morning after the dinner with Tony, Bruce, and Rhodey, he got a text message. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Bucky’s name appear on the screen.
Hey Steve. I know that you only wanted to help and that I’ve been hard on you. Can we talk tonight after work? I’ll come by your place if you let me know what time you’ll be at home.
Steve stared at the screen. Bucky finally texted him. And he wanted to talk ! Steve hastily texted back when he was going to be home and left to go to work. He wrote a note for Sam who was still asleep that Bucky would be coming in the evening and that he would appreciate it if he could have the apartment to themselves for at least an hour or two.
Thankfully, his day wasn’t too busy so he could take his time between apartment showings to enjoy the summer sun. He ate his lunch in a park and watched the people that walked by. There was an old couple having their afternoon stroll, holding hands. Steve smiled at them as they passed, his heart filling with joy at the sight of the two elderly people. A dog came up to him, trying to get Steve to play with him, or maybe he just wanted some of his sandwiches. The owner ran up, apologising, trying to pry the dog away from Steve, who just laughed and pet him.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said to the owner, “I absolutely love dogs. He’s so cute!” With one last scratch behind the ears, he let the dog run back to his owner, satisfied with the attention he has gotten.
All in all, it had been a good day. He managed to find a place adequate for that couple that never liked anything, and they just called Steve to let him know they would like to make an offer for the last apartment they looked at. Feeling relieved that he finally managed to find a good home for this couple (he didn’t want to be mean but they were so difficult to please), he sent off all the paperwork for the lease and realised he was almost late to meet up with Bucky so he got ready to leave. On his way out, Sharon stopped him.
“Oh, Steve, I heard about Tony and Pepper, please congratulate them for me!” Steve nodded and smiled, not wanting to be rude but also made it clear that he was in a hurry.
“No worries, will do! Have a nice evening!” She smiled back at him as he more or less ran to his car, hoping Bucky wouldn’t already be at the apartment when he got home. Thankfully, Bucky arrived about ten minutes after Steve, so he had time to make some tea and prepare for what was about to come. Bucky seemed to be more terrified about this conversation than Steve, he was incredibly pale and as Steve hugged him, he could feel him shiver. He looked as if he hadn’t slept in days.
“Hi, Bucky. How are you doing?” He asked, trying to sound casual but failing miserably. Bucky hesitated.
“I’m getting better. Sorry for freaking out.” He looked around the room, apparently trying to look for an answer. Steve tried to calm him down somehow, without pushing him.
“I made tea and cookies, you want to sit on the couch?” He let the path free for Bucky to walk to the couch. He looked relieved and sat down.
“Thank you, Steve. And thank you for not being mad at me” Steve frowned at that comment.
“Of course I’m not mad, Bucky! You’re my friend and I care about you, I just wanted to help and I crossed a line and I’ll never forgive myself for having pushed you into telling me something you didn’t want to share.”
“I think we both overreacted a bit, but thank you for saying that. If it helps, I’m not mad at you anymore. I mean Nat nearly killed me when I arrived at her place for having hurt you.” His mouth twisted into a smile. Almost.
“Well, I think she almost killed me too, so I think we’re even. You’re lucky to have her. She’s a really good friend.” Steve wanted to put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, to give him some sort of comfort, anything. But he didn’t dare overstep a line again.
“You know, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. Your past is your past and I get that you don’t want to share everything.” Steve said after a moment’s silence. He didn’t know what to expect then, but he certainly didn’t expect his eyes to fill with tears at that.
“Thank you for sayin’ that Steve. I really appreciate it, ‘cause I just don’t feel comfortable talking about some things that happened to me. But I don’t wanna lie, not to you.” Bucky’s tears just kept coming, but he managed to keep his voice steady. Steve reached for the tissues on the table and handed him one, which Bucky gladly took.
“I understand, and if you don’t wanna tell me what happened, that’s fine.”
“Thank you, really. Is it alright if I hug you?” Bucky asked, at which Steve could have laughed because Bucky could hug him, kiss him… Just anything that Bucky was also willing to do. He nodded and wrapped his arms around Bucky.
After a minute, Bucky tried to compose himself again and took a deep breath.
“I won’t go into detail about everything. Not now. But I had a really shitty childhood. Well, no. I had a good childhood until I came out. My parents were not accepting, to say the least. I mean they weren’t even accepting of me dancing ballet and I was forced to come out when I wasn’t necessarily ready, and it wasn’t very pleasant. Got beaten up a lot, got bullied a lot.” He took a deep breath to calm his shaky voice. Steve didn’t say anything and waited for Bucky to finish, even though he was so close to finding out who hurt Bucky so he could personally punch those bullies.
“Some shit happened, I had to leave, and I managed to stay with Nat. I always danced, I never stopped. It was the only thing that gave me a reason to keep on going, you know? But then the accident happened and I couldn’t even do the only thing that gave me joy. I had to move out and that’s how I ended up with Rumlow. Did some sketchy work to get enough money to pay off my hospital bills and even got this shitty prosthetic. I mean it ain’t shitty, but I always wish I could get a better one, but with this job, I ain’t getting too far with this.” He gave Steve a pained smile and shook it off. Steve wanted nothing more than to pull him close, let him know that he was safe now, that he will do everything to help Bucky overcome this, just anything. Instead, he bit his lip and listened as Bucky continued.
“But it doesn’t matter. I’m lucky enough to have great friends around me that help me through all the bullshit.” As they smiled at each other, Steve leaned in to hold Bucky in a tight hug.
“Thank you for telling me that. I promise you that if ever this happens again, I won’t ever push you. Can I ask if there’s anything I can do if what happened, happens again? Like what can I do to calm you down?” Bucky wiped his eyes and smiled.
“Honestly, there isn’t much you can do. Maybe just help my breathing get back to normal? Just… Be there for me, maybe? Honestly, I don’t know. But thank you for caring so much.” Bucky smiled and buried his face into Steve’s chest, breathing heavily. Steve couldn’t help himself and softly planted a kiss onto the top of his head, to which Bucky gently nuzzled his head over Steve’s chest. Steve didn’t know how long they sat there, just sitting like this, but when Sam came home, they were both asleep, in each other’s arms. Sam covered them in the comforter that was neatly folded at the end of the bed and let them be. They both seemed so exhausted.