Chapter Text
79. Where?
In the Depths of One's Heart Lies the Power to Forgive
The decision to forgive Gale kept Katniss awake at night years after Prim's death.
Her resolve had been firm: she had no intention of forgiving Gale or speaking to him ever again. It was better that way. She could never look at him the same way again after his role in the bombing that killed Prim. Gale knew it, that's why he never attempted to contact Katniss. Then, one night, Peeta changed that. Peeta, in his honesty and goodness, gave her a convincing argument—if it could be called that—as to why she should forgive Gale.
" I'm not saying that you should forget what happened, Katniss, but that you should forgive him. They're two completely different things. Forgiving Gale does not absolve him from what happened, but it releases you. To forgive is to be free, Katniss. You'll never forget what happened and I would be wrong to even suggest or expect that from you. Letting go of the anger you have against him is forgiveness. Prim would want you to be free."
Ever since that night, she had wrestled with her decision to not forgive Gale. Was it truly imprisoning her? Would it be wrong to let go of the immense pain that Gale had caused? Would it be better for her in the long run? At first, she decided to forgive him in her heart.
Until Peeta suggested otherwise: she must forgive him in person.
It didn't surprise Katniss that Peeta suggested this. It's a reminder of Peeta's kindness and genuiniety. Although the Capitol had tried to destroy him; in the end, the true and real Peeta had fought through all the brainwashing and conquered the hijacking. The true Peeta had won. Never had this been more evident when he insisted that she find Gale in District 2 and work things out with her former best friend.
Ten years had passed since the war.
Katniss wondered if it was too late to talk to Gale. He had to remember their exchanges—not just the kisses, but their disagreements about the war and the tactics being used. That was the real beginning of the end of their friendship. Gale didn't understand her need to preserve life and Katniss didn't agree with his stance about winning the war at any cost. The war had effectively destroyed their friendship.
Her last words to him had been final: Good-bye, Gale. She knew she had been cold towards him. She had dismissed him, even when he tried explaining with tears choking his voice that all he ever wanted to do was protect her family. He knew he had failed her. She had failed him, too. She couldn't protect him from Thread's public beating. She didn't shoot him after he begged her when the Peacekeepers had captured him.
They had failed each other.
Katniss realized Gale wasn't the only one she needed to forgive.
oOo
The hovercraft landed in District 2 and Katniss disembarked on her own. As her boots touched the ground, she had a random thought about Plutarch. She remembered asking him where the arenas for the Hunger Games were built. He had told her they were developed in other countries around the world that had been barren for centuries.
" They were once thriving, but natural disasters had wiped out the human populations there."
Katniss wondered about Plutarch and what he was up to these days. Probably still in the Capitol, managing the media and working alongside President Paylor.
She decided to focus. She was here in District 2 to find Gale. The mountainous district was daunting. Where would she find him? She saw the Justice Building and remembered meeting Commander Lyme there during the war. How would she find him in this huge district? Katniss started walking around District 2. She made a promise to herself that she wouldn't leave until she found him.
oOo
Gale saw her before Katniss saw him.
She thought she had seen him—it was him—she'd recognize his tall frame anywhere—then suddenly he was in front of her.
He mouthed her name and took a step towards her. She turned around to run from him. Where would she run to? A thought flew in her mind: I can go back to the train. Why couldn't she just tell him she forgave him? Nausea flooded her senses and she couldn't see straight. Images of Prim burning alive flooded her mind. Grief slammed her full force like a tidal wave. It was as though Prim's death happened minutes ago.
Katniss opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. She had returned to that awful state of muteness where she was unable to talk after her sister's death. Only now she couldn't think straight. Her thoughts were scattered. She couldn't remember why she came here to District 2. She had a gut feeling that the muteness was temporary, but she was terrified all the same. She had to leave and return home to Peeta—now.
"Catnip?"
She heard him use the nickname he had given her all those years. She wanted to shout at him for calling her that. She was pushing against him, she couldn't see him—she didn't want to—she refused to look at him. He was trying to hold her arms down, trying to protect himself and stop her from lashing out. Then she was crying and hot tears ran down her cheeks. She couldn't talk clearly, she wanted to tell him how much she hated him for designing the bomb that killed Prim, but instead, something different came out. Between sobs and gasps, her words rushed out before she could hold them back.
"I forgive you."
She didn't know where she found it in herself to say those words, but she did. She had to say them now, even if he didn't understand her fully, because she knew once this moment passed, she would never utter those words aloud again. Not to him, not to Peeta, and not to herself. Then his arms were around her, holding her, and she could feel his body shaking and that's when Katniss realized that Gale was sobbing.
oOo
They sat in Gale's home, not speaking as he prepared dinner for them. Each one wanted the other to break the silence first. It just prolonged the discomfort. Finally, Gale gave in.
"How're things for you and…" He didn't want to say his name…he didn't want Katniss to hear the bitterness in his voice.
"We're doing well."
"That's good." Gale's voice was strained. He kept his focus on stirring the chicken soup and turned off the stove.
"How're your siblings? Posy, Rory, and Vick?"
"They're okay, I guess. I hear from them every now and then." He poured Katniss and himself bowls of hot chicken soup.
"Thank you," Katniss said, taking the bowl.
"Be careful, it's hot."
Katniss nodded as she dipped a spoon in the bowl. "So what've you been up to?"
"Just supervising the miners' safety in the mountains." He ate some of his soup.
Katniss knew her she had a surprised expression on her face. Of all jobs for Gale to have—she shoved the thought away. She told him she had forgave him and the thought entering her mind would've shown her and him that she was still angry at Gale for his demeanor during the war.
"I thought you had a fancy job."
"It's not fancy at all. After the war and everything…" Gale stirred his soup with his spoon. "I just wanted to live a quiet life. I'm sure you understand." He looked up to see if his former best friend understood. He felt relieved when she nodded.
"I get it. I really do."
"Thank you." Gale sounded relieved.
"Any lucky ladies?"
"No. I'm on my own. There was never anyone after you, Katniss."
Unsure of how to respond to Gale, Katniss focused on eating her soup.
"I'm glad you found what…or whom you wanted," he continued. "It was hard to accept, but after everything that's happened, I understand."
He sounded genuine and Katniss looked up at him, meeting his eyes. There was an awful sadness in Gale's face and voice. She knew she couldn't take it away or make it better for him. She said the only thing she could say.
"Thank you."
oOo
Later that evening, Gale took her back to the train. They waited in silence. He looked at her for a long time. Katniss held his eyes, remembering when they first met in the woods in District 12. Things weren't wasn't the same anymore, but it didn't stop her from giving him a heartfelt hug of gratitude. She felt surprised when Gale returned the hug. The train arrived and Katniss stepped towards it.
"Don't be a stranger," Gale said.
"I won't." She stepped inside the train and turned back to him.
When they waved good-bye to each other, they both weren't sure when and if they would see each other again. One thing was certain: Katniss and Gale finally had the peace they both wanted for each other for so long.